Do you "owe" your parents grandchildren?

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this little dilema ocured to me while (not intentionally) catching some of a reality TV show on TV last night

besically as far as I can tell its about thease mothers who hand pick potential partners for their sons

now this may be a little harsh but what kind of a limp-dick asshole lets his mother choose his partner for him? (ok ok..there is arranged marrage which can actually work somtimes) but THIS just made me angry

now anyway...although it was never outright stated you can just tell thease are the kinds of bitches who demand granchildren..no doubt to fuel their ego with their little "matriarch" fantasys...(again if my feelings about this arnt clear up to this point)

so what was I constantly yelling at the TV last night? "if the dried up old twat wants grand children she should fucking adopt them herself!" <-several times

the reason I feel so strongly about this is because I guess Im all for people choosing what they want, I dont think that the mother has any entitlment to what her children choose to do in their lives...its that kind of controlling matriarchy thing that I find downright disgusting (I know its cultrual somtmes..but IMO family should stay the fuck out when they arnt wanted)

*sigh*..so anyway do you feel any obligation to have grand children if thats what your parents want? perhaps from a "continuning the line" point of veiw?

You *really* don't want kids do you? If I come back in like 10 years and find out you have had kids I will have a heart attack from the surprise or something XD

But anyway, of course there's no obligation to have kids. While I might owe my parents gratitude for raising me if they're at least decent people, which mine are, asking for kids is asking for a ridiculous part of your life. Sure they might have given it to you, but you never asked for it from them, they made the decision themselves for their reasons, not yours. It was a gift, not a transaction.

Continuing the line thing seems like bullshit to me. What does it really matter? It just seems like some kind of ego fueled excuse. It's nothing of actual importance, merely a selfish desire on the part of the parents in a case like this.

Anyway, I agree with you completely about letting people choose what they want for themselves. Especially when it comes to a decision that impacts your own life first and foremost and in a large fashion.

Mortai Gravesend:
You *really* don't want kids do you? If I come back in like 10 years and find out you have had kids I will have a heart attack from the surprise or something XD

.

no...its not "that" per se (I well aware that 9/10 people who say they dont want kids end up having them)

no the part that disgusts me are thease women who feel the need to meddle in their childrens lives..and the guys who let them..its disgusting and controlling anf just..gaaaahhhh (back to the mamma boy thing)

Haha no.

My parents weren't even planning to have kids, I don't think they're going to be desperate for grandkids. And I don't intend to let my parents, particularly my dad, have much of a say (if any) in my selection of partners.
I can imagine being under pressure to "continue the line" from my grandmother if she didn't already have a handful of great-grandchildren, but it most likely won't ever be something I'll hear from my parents. And even if they were pressuring me to have kids, I wouldn't allow that to affect my life. Yeah, they've done a lot for me, but I don't believe that I owe them something like that.

^^And that applies to everyone - you shouldn't be forced to make a huge lifestyle change just because it's what your parents want. Or allow them to select a suitable partner for you, like the idiots on that show. Yuck. It doesn't sound like they have much of a life.

I don't feel I do. If I do, I guess I'm in trouble, as I am not equipped to get my girlfriend pregnant any more than she is equipped to get me pregnant. If my mother really wants grandkids, she can demand them of my brother. If my father wants grandkids, he can saw off his member, plant it in the ground, and hope it grows into a child-tree. What he wants means just about nothing to me.

No, I don't, and anyone who insinuates otherwise can kindly go stick it. Luckily enough, my parents understand my disposition and do not give me a hard time about the fact that I see myself as never having kids.

Thankfully my parents haven't reached that stage.

...Yet.

Vault101:

Mortai Gravesend:
You *really* don't want kids do you? If I come back in like 10 years and find out you have had kids I will have a heart attack from the surprise or something XD

.

no...its not "that" per se (I well aware that 9/10 people who say they dont want kids end up having them)

no the part that disgusts me are thease women who feel the need to meddle in their childrens lives..and the guys who let them..its disgusting and controlling anf just..gaaaahhhh (back to the mamma boy thing)

Well that still leaves 1/10 not having them XD
That was more of a joke since I remember you making that other thread about people being obligated to have kids though.

But yeah, I do get the point you're making. It really is ridiculous that they'd actually let their moms meddle to that degree. There's passive and then there's someone who doesn't have the backbone to say "Hey wait a minute I've got to live with this girl until a messy divorce, this has nothing to do with you." Who lets someone else control that large a part of their lives? .__.

And who seriously lacks so much respect for someone else and their autonomy they'd go and force that kind of decision on them? =/

On a somewhat related note, it does slightly bother me that my mom seems to think that I will one day get married to some nice girl and have kids. But she's not pushing me to do anything, so whatever.

Mortai Gravesend:
You *really* don't want kids do you? If I come back in like 10 years and find out you have had kids I will have a heart attack from the surprise or something XD

But anyway, of course there's no obligation to have kids. While I might owe my parents gratitude for raising me if they're at least decent people, which mine are, asking for kids is asking for a ridiculous part of your life. Sure they might have given it to you, but you never asked for it from them, they made the decision themselves for their reasons, not yours. It was a gift, not a transaction.

Continuing the line thing seems like bullshit to me. What does it really matter? It just seems like some kind of ego fueled excuse. It's nothing of actual importance, merely a selfish desire on the part of the parents in a case like this.

Anyway, I agree with you completely about letting people choose what they want for themselves. Especially when it comes to a decision that impacts your own life first and foremost and in a large fashion.

In a way the "continuing the line" excuse is quite egotistical. I suppose it would come up when your parents friends ask them "so do you guys have any grandchildren yet" as a way of comparing how successful a pair is at furthering their genes.

And i do agree, there comes a point in life where parents should leave their children be.

My parents dont bother me much on my relationship life (lack of one more like) though my ma pulls out the "do you have a girlfriend" card on me sometimes.

Also the thread brings the term "helicopter parents" to mind.

No, and I think my only obligation to them is just try my best and some sort of appreciation towards them for raising me right. Other than that? Nope. Now my grandparents, on the other hand, won't shut up about the fact that they want me to get married and have kids, I'm not the only grandchild they have and I know they are great-grandparents, so I don't understand why they need to get on me for that.

Anyways, my parents just want me to try to be happy, and if that results in grandkids then, then cool, if not, that's cool too. I'm just glad I have laid back parents that don't hound me for such things. And with the way things are going for me, I seriously doubt kids will be an option from me, so yay for that then.

In no way do I feel obliged.

I don't think it's up to them anyway, it should be entirely my own decision.

Luftwaffles:

Mortai Gravesend:
You *really* don't want kids do you? If I come back in like 10 years and find out you have had kids I will have a heart attack from the surprise or something XD

But anyway, of course there's no obligation to have kids. While I might owe my parents gratitude for raising me if they're at least decent people, which mine are, asking for kids is asking for a ridiculous part of your life. Sure they might have given it to you, but you never asked for it from them, they made the decision themselves for their reasons, not yours. It was a gift, not a transaction.

Continuing the line thing seems like bullshit to me. What does it really matter? It just seems like some kind of ego fueled excuse. It's nothing of actual importance, merely a selfish desire on the part of the parents in a case like this.

Anyway, I agree with you completely about letting people choose what they want for themselves. Especially when it comes to a decision that impacts your own life first and foremost and in a large fashion.

In a way the "continuing the line" excuse is quite egotistical. I suppose it would come up when your parents friends ask them "so do you guys have any grandchildren yet" as a way of comparing how successful a pair is at furthering their genes.

And i do agree, there comes a point in life where parents should leave their children be.

My parents dont bother me much on my relationship life (lack of one more like) though my ma pulls out the "do you have a girlfriend" card on me sometimes.

Also the thread brings the term "helicopter parents" to mind.

I think helicopter is understating it in this case. It's more like a puppet show .__.

Your first point though kind of makes me think a bit. I guess maybe some people view it as part of success? And they want successful kids to brag about to others, and most likely for more benign and unselfish reasons as well. Looking at it like that, maybe they just want their kids to be successful and in their minds part of the recipe of successful life is getting married and having kids? Which seems misguided to me since that might not be the right lifestyle for everyone, but it kind of explains it maybe.

Mortai Gravesend:
text was here

Its only natural i suppose. Some parents want to prove that they can raise successful offspring, so they measure that in wealth and the prowess of their loins/wombs.

And i dont think its misguided. Its...im sure to cop alot of hate for this, part of our nature. Of course not for people who have different priorities.

Makes one think doesnt it. Makes me wonder what i really want out of life.

Luftwaffles:

Mortai Gravesend:
text was here

Its only natural i suppose. Some parents want to prove that they can raise successful offspring, so they measure that in wealth and the prowess of their loins/wombs.

And i dont think its misguided. Its...im sure to cop alot of hate for this, part of our nature. Of course not for people who have different priorities.

Makes one think doesnt it. Makes me wonder what i really want out of life.

Well I'd say it's misguided if it doesn't actually suit the person in question. It projects one person's idea of success and happiness on someone it doesn't work for.

It did kind of make me think about that when I wrote my post.

No, I do not owe my parents anything. But even if I did owe them grandchildren, my genes are crap, there's nothing worthwhile to pass to the next generation. So either way, I am not having kids.

My brother just knocked up his wife so I don't have to *does a happy dance!*

*clears throat* Ahem, seriously though....NO.

My mother wants grand kids. A lot. She's not putting pressure on me...at least not yet...but I can tell. She damn near cried when she told me my brother's wife was pregnant.

But she's probably not going to get them out of me. I'm a misanthrope with trust issues, social anxiety, and I rarely even leave my house let alone go out on dates. And I don't feel bad about it at all, because while I love my mother dearly and I appreciate all she's done for me, how my eggs gets used is none of her business. I owe her in taking care of her in her old age. I do not owe her in squirting out brats I do not want.

EDIT: Oh and Vault, if you read this, I absolutely ADORE your newest avatar! Just seeing it makes me happy.

Screamarie:

EDIT: Oh and Vault, if you read this, I absolutely ADORE your newest avatar! Just seeing it makes me happy.

thanks!

it was surprisingly easy to put together (and come out looking right)

Not anymore, I have both a niece and nephew now so I'm off the hook

FREEDOM!!!!

The answer is still no however. I'm of the opinion that no one should ever have a child for the sake of having one, or for the sake of something as meaningless as continuing the family line. Frankly, it sometimes seems as if society is still trying to turn women into baby factories, and I can't help but wonder why any of them put up with it.

Screamarie:
My brother just knocked up his wife so I don't have to *does a happy dance!*

I keep looking at that sentence and reading it the wrong way. Though you'd presumably be happy to not need to knock up his wife regardless.

Heronblade:

Frankly, it sometimes seems as if society is still trying to turn women into baby factories, and I can't help but wonder why any of them put up with it.

like it or not we still need the baby factories

not that I put up with it mind...somone says otherwise to me I'll tellem where to get off

Mortai Gravesend:

Screamarie:
My brother just knocked up his wife so I don't have to *does a happy dance!*

I keep looking at that sentence and reading it the wrong way. Though you'd presumably be happy to not need to knock up his wife regardless.

Well seeing as I lack necessary equipment...I meant it more that my sister-in-law is pregnant so now I don't have to get pregnant, but yeah I can understand how it can be read wrong. I'd edit it, but I think it's funny the way it is.

Screamarie:

Mortai Gravesend:

Screamarie:
My brother just knocked up his wife so I don't have to *does a happy dance!*

I keep looking at that sentence and reading it the wrong way. Though you'd presumably be happy to not need to knock up his wife regardless.

Well seeing as I lack necessary equipment...I meant it more that my sister-in-law is pregnant so now I don't have to get pregnant, but yeah I can understand how it can be read wrong. I'd edit it, but I think it's funny the way it is.

I'd checked your profile and noticed, but that just made it better XD

Hell to the fucking NO.

I didn't really feel it back when I was younger but now? With each of my siblings having at least one child when they were never ready and changing our lives ultimately in good ways and bad?

EFF That noise. I may owe my mother a lot of things but children aren't one of them. And actually, I think at this stage, she'd actually agree. She became a grandmother way too early and stuff. She doesn't necessarily need more grandchildren. At least not from me.

Nah. I don't think you owe your parents grandchildren.

My mum loves kids. She pretty much thinks my/womens role in life is to have kids, she started to put the pressure on me when I was (no kidding) 16. My older sister has 3 kids now so my mum has backed off a bit. But if I should talk about my relationship, she'll be like `Have a baby`.
I'm 21 now and wont be babying-up any time soon. (Partially because pregnancy squicks me out).

I don't feel I owe children for my parents. Though I hopefully plan around having children and one of the reasons is "continuning the line" though it's not the only reason.

Yes, but it's off set by owing the rest of humanity not to.

I don't feel any obligation to do so, and chances are I never will.

Phasmal:
Nah. I don't think you owe your parents grandchildren.

My mum loves kids. She pretty much thinks my/womens role in life is to have kids, she started to put the pressure on me when I was (no kidding) 16. My older sister has 3 kids now so my mum has backed off a bit. But if I should talk about my relationship, she'll be like `Have a baby`.
I'm 21 now and wont be babying-up any time soon. (Partially because pregnancy squicks me out).

Alien...

chest brusting scene...yeah I know what you mean

its a good thing that your sister is the baby maker of the family, as you said gives you some leeway....Im 20, the Idea of having a child now is..NUTS ..Im bareley an adult myself

persoanlly I cant help but smirk and shake my head at that kind of attitude (but that said some people want that..so I wont say otherwise)

I honestly dont know what my mum thinks...I dont think she minds too much (and she wouldnt want one of my sisters having kids...make a bad situation 100x worse) we have a 3 year old cousin she gets to play grandma too anyway (and another on the way)

No, I don't, but then again, I have two sisters that will probably get children of their own one day.

My mother's word on the matter:
"I had three children for a reason. I don't care what the other two do, but one of you needs to give me some grandchildren. You can draw straws if you like."

We're not entirely certain she's joking...

No, you do not owe your mom a grandchild.

My mom wanted a grandchild. She kept on me about it for a few years, leaving out subtle hints all over the place, like baby pacifiers where I could find it. There was a time when she put diapers in my room. She claimed that it was because my cousin needed a place to stash them, but I did not trust her. It even got to the point where she told me that if I was born a girl, she would already have three grandchildren by now. When I tried to explain to her that this is learned behavior and I would probably be like her, still a virgin at 25, she did not buy it. She knew that I would have been some little slut and bed every guy that looked my way.

Unfortunately its too late for me to give her one.

I don't feel an obligation, I actually WANT to continue the line. Call it subconscious reaction but it's just the way I am.

Short answer? No.
Long answer? Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

Yes, I stole that from Yahtzee.

In any case, this is not a question that truly even needs to be asked, seeing as the answer is just so bloody obvious.

Personally, thankfully noones actually forcing anything of the sort on me, though it occasionally comes out from conversations with my family members (I don't see them very often) that they seem to assume that I'll get married and have kids at one point or another. Thankfully they've shut up about it after I explained to them in great detail that I don't want that, and I also explained why.

Not entirely sure if the point stuck, but heres to hoping.

Obviously this is all subject to change (our brainchemistry sort of changes as we get older, which brings said changes), but I'm doing my best to avoid said change.

no i don't my parents anything. they will be lucky to even see me

i hate them and will cut all ties from them at a drop of a hat

H31neken:
Short answer? No.
Long answer? Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

Yes, I stole that from Yahtzee.

thats almost a meme here so..yeah

Personally, thankfully noones actually forcing anything of the sort on me, though it occasionally comes out from conversations with my family members (I don't see them very often) that they seem to assume that I'll get married and have kids at one point or another. Thankfully they've shut up about it after I explained to them in great detail that I don't want that, and I also explained why.

its a good thing the worst people can do is give you a hard time..and guilt trip you, back int he day..esecpaily if you were female you might not have been that lucky (well I guess your family would always be dissapointed in you)

Not entirely sure if the point stuck, but heres to hoping.

Obviously this is all subject to change (our brainchemistry sort of changes as we get older, which brings said changes), but I'm doing my best to avoid said change.

you can't fight it...the desire to produce spawn will eventually consume you....

one of us...one of us...one of us...one of us....

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