Let's Read: Chick Tracts! Dark Dungeons!

Yes, so, with a few of the image styled let's play series I see on this forum every now and then, I've decided to start my own "Let's Play", or rather, a "Let's Read" of sorts.

I was raised in a Liberal Roman Catholic Family. We're very religiously diverse and have learned to come together and respect our personal beliefs through it. My father is a confessed Agnostic, my Mother, My Grandmother, and Myself are all Roman Catholic (although I have been reaching out towards other religions recently), my Grandparents on my Father's side of the family are Methodist, and my Uncle is a Buddhist. As you can tell our family is one big Religious Chop-Suey.

Recently, I've come across some... Er... Well I guess you can't say they aren't "Interesting" comics written by a very... Er... "Devout" Protestant by the name of Jack Chick. He follows a brand of Evangelical protestantism that seems to state something along the lines of, even if you're a good person in every way, if you follow the wrong religion you'll die and suffer for most of eternity. This is an... Interesting take. Especially since most Evangelicals say something along the lines of "If you aren't part of this religion and don't want to convert your evil and going to hell" while this belief seems to be more "If you haven't heard about this religion, you can still be a good person but you'll suffer forever for not choosing the right answer."

So... Yeah, it's a very interesting read. Well, without further adieu, let's jump right in to the latest Chick Tract!

Are Roman Catholics Christians?

Since I imagine this series will end up horribly offending the beliefs of... Nearly Everyone; I've decided to start it off with my own religion and be the first among you to be horribly offended.

Now, this tract starts out innocent enough, asking if Roman Catholics are really Christian...

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Which we are because we're the root of all other christian faiths! Seriously, this whole "Catholics aren't christian!" things really gets on my nerves because Catholicism is pretty much the "father" faith to the rest of the Christian faiths, most protestant sects broke off from the Catholic church, they all descend from the Church. If we aren't christian, neither are you guys buddy! (Which is odd enough consider "Christian" means follower of christ, the Catholic Church worships christ, I don't see how that makes us any less christian then protestants.)

Anyways, the story then goes on that Helen's first sacrament is baptism. It says that Helen can't receive Jesus because she's possessed by evil spirits. So the priest anoints her with oils and pours salt down her infant throat-- WAIT WHAT?!

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Has Chick even read up on Catholic Baptisms? I'll admit, I'm not the greatest Theologian, but I know we use holy water, not "Oil", and if anyone tried shoving salt down an infants throat I'm pretty sure they'd be arrested. Then Chick goes on to try and use sentence structure to defeat the church by going on about something like "HA! THEY BELIEVED AND THEN THEY WERE BAPTIZED! YOU CAN'T BE BAPTIZED AS AN INFANT!" When... Really Baptism was a new concept back then, would it really make sense for grown adults to not believe and be baptized at the same time? We're baptized as infants now to carry on the tradition of our ancestors, to show that from birth we'd be "believers in christ" or something along those lines...

Alright, let's put that behind us, I mean, he had to research the church some time didn't he? I mean, it's not like he's saying that Catholics are fanatically devoted to the pope--

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...

I don't even know where to begin, now he's saying that the church demands you be loyal to it before anyone else, including your own country. I also find it hilarious that he claims that the Church acts like a foreign power and names each catholic a citizen of the vatican or something like that. If the pope held as much sway over his flock as a president did over his citizens, I'm pretty sure there wouldn't be so many catholics supporting Birth Control as there currently are.

Anyways it goes on to talk about a few Catholic practices, basic stuff like confession, priests, and how this is all part of an ancient Babylonian cult that worshipped some "Sun God" known as Baal. HA! Bet you didn't see that one coming Non-Catholics!

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Yes, apparently now confessing your sins, begging for forgiveness, then working to redeem yourself through prayer, meditation, and Good deeds is evil and part of a wicked cult that was... Established by Noah's children... After the great flood... And used to... Blackmail people? Wait what? Also, why does "Pagan" suddenly equal evil? I mean, I know christianity isn't big on the "More then one god" thing, but Hindhusim (to an extent) and Shintoism are relatively polytheistic, and they get along just fine.

Actually no. Despite your dubious claims of there being some "Sun God Baal of Babylon" (why do all pagan religions seem to worship the Sun in these kind of books?) Catholics get confession because, after Jesus rose from the dead on easter, he forgave his disciples of their sins and the sins they forgave themselves.

"Receive the Holy Spirit. For those whose sins you forgive, they are forgiven; for those whose sins you retain, they are retained" (John 20:22-23).

See Chick! I can play the scripture game too! Anyways he goes on to say that the Bible never mentions priests so they're evil or should be gotten rid of or something like that... He then goes on a tangent about it not mentioning nuns, monks, popes, or candles or rituals or... Anything like that. (Not true on the pope remark! According to Catholic tradition, it's the unbroken line of succession dating back to Saint Peter himself. Just because the name "Pope" isn't mentioned doesn't mean it isn't mentioned at least from a figurative sound point... Although I would agree it would be totally badass if we called all popes "Rocks of the Church")

Anyways then it goes into Communion, the biggest issue between protestants and Catholics in most cases. They believe that the Eucharist is supposed to represent the figurative body and blood of christ. We believe that after it is blessed and consecrated, it becomes the literal body and blood of christ, etcetera.

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Chick...

YOU DO NOT KNOW SINGLE A THING ABOUT BASIC CATHOLIC BELIEFS!

First off, the ancient Egyptian alphabet is RADICALLY different from the Latin one, they mostly still used hieroglyphs around the time of babylon and before the Roman Conquest. They wouldn't even have I, H, and S in their freaking alphabet... Also, what's with the "Pax" symbol appearing next to the Egyptian Priest in the panel with the wafer? No seriously, look, it's right next to two Ankhs. Why in the world would ancient egyptians be using the latin alphabet when Rome hadn't even conquered them yet?

Secondly, have you actually seen a communion wafer? If you haven't, it looks like this.

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You can get more expensive, elaborately designed ones, but due to expenses most churches prefer this simple "small cross" one. Yep, no IHS, none of that (EDIT: According to some of my sources, I discovered that communion wafers used to have IHS on them, but was phased out of Churches because many Catholics felt it was degrading the wafer to a "Good Luck Charm" It's a long story). Plus, we don't believe our priests are magical, in fact any priest claiming to have the power to pull christ out of heaven and crucify him all over again would probably only end up excommunicated for heresy or called a madman. I have talked with a priest once, and they do believe they can perform miracles... So long as they have complete, total, and unwavering faith in Jesus Christ. The priest I spoke with claimed that, yes, technically through faith, technically he could walk on water, but doing so would just be degrading the faith to mere "Magic tricks" or wouldn't work since he would begin to lose faith or something like that.

Plus, if you ask most Catholics what the "Monstrance" is, most would only say "That sun thing at the back of the church" if you're lucky. We don't "Worship" the wafer like it's god, and using the Monstrance is just some optional thing to do during or after mass. In the church I went to it's only in a special, sound proof room away from the other parts of the church and used mostly for meditating and reflection. Very few churches even use the Monstrance, and when they do it's mostly just for decoration or extra flair.

If you want to know how getting the Eucharist really works in Catholic masses, let me explain it as simply as I can. Some Leymen bring out the wine and wafers, the priest does the sign of the cross over them, says a few things about Jesus and Peace, then the church chants something like "Praise to you lord Jesus Christ! King of Endless Mercy!" and then we get in line and wait for the wafer... Which really tastes a bit like cardboard once you get it.

It then goes on about the Council of Trent burning heretics *cough* Bullshit *cough* (not going to go into a long response, the Council was essentially the church going "Crap, the protestants do have a point" and began to lighten up some rules, and clarify catholic beliefs. No witch hunts, and no burnings)

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(I included another picture in case my rants were annoying you and you wanted more of the actual comic I'm talking about)

Anyways, no priest dresses like that, Jesus never calls the church the "Great Whore" (that line about the Whore of Babylon has been interpreted so many times... And it's sort of pointless considering the church doesn't believe in the rapture and has some weird stuff about the events of Revelation already happening) and what the hell is a big deal with an "ongoing sacrifice"? The Eucharist is more about remembering Jesus' death and keeping a part of him in ourselves then literally "sacrificing him" (seriously, why even included that "This is my body, this is my blood" and ask us to "take it in memory of" him if he's just going to go "Lawl naw, no need to do that, I just was trolling")

Anyways, let's skip ahead. It goes on about Confirmation saying we're citizens of the church and can be called at a moments notice to go to war (bullshit)

And then...

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Wait what? I have to throw an obligatory "You Bastard!" line out here. Now he's criticizing us for seeing Protestants as "Separated brothers and sisters" then he goes on into saying that Helen is "Brainwashed into thinking the catholic church is the only way to heaven".

You... Hypocritical Ass! No offense to anyone, but really, in the same panel he says we see protestants as "Separated Brothers and sisters and not heretics" but then he says that means we believe only catholicism is the true path to heaven. Chick. You're the most "Single Road to Heaven" person I've ever heard about, how can you accuse us of it? (and for the record, the Second Vatican Council officially declared that all Christians, Jews, and Muslims have an equal chance into heaven, and that none of them would be denied for their personal beliefs. Sort of destroys your point.

Anyways, now for the conclusion. I'm eager to find out what happens to poor little Helen.

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Aaaaaaaaand she dies and is damned to suffer in purgatory for all eternity. Yep, what a climatic end. Now do you wonder what the moral of the story is children? It's simple! It doesn't matter how good of a human being you are, so long as you're slightly wrong on Theological issues (even without knowing you are) you're damned to suffer and writhe in agony. Yep, your religion is really evil for not being right! And your church isn't just confused or Mistaken, it's evil! It's evil and purposely lying to you with the express intent on sending you to hell for shits and giggles!

(Also, the Church NEVER. EVER. Demands money to "Save a soul from purgatory". I mean seriously, why would their be a Catholic religion if we all knew we would inevitably end up in purgatory and had to pay some sort of fine to get out?)

Well, that ends my first "Let's Read". Feel free to tell me what you think of it, comments and constructive criticism would be well appreciated.

ALSO PLEASE NOTE: This thread is simply to amuse people! NOT start a religious debate, if I wanted to do that. I'd put it in the R&P forum. You can make comments like "This is why I hate fundamentalism" but please avoid comments like "This is why I hate fundamentalism... Any and all religions should be totally and completely wiped off the earth."

I call your Jack Chick and I rise you [url=]The Time Cube[/ur]!

But Chick is seriously messed up as well. There was a comic about how dinosaurs died out...it turns out they couldn't breathe because there wasn't enough oxygen. Also, the dinosaurs were dragons before they were renamed.

PROOF

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Also, I like to point out that people who think Jacky there has a limited audience are mistaken.

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So, people, stop claiming the opposite, like that people can resist the Chick tracts.

DoPo:
I call your Jack Chick and I rise you [url=]The Time Cube[/ur]!

But Chick is seriously messed up as well. There was a comic about how dinosaurs died out...it turns out they couldn't breathe because there wasn't enough oxygen. Also, the dinosaurs were dragons before they were renamed.

PROOF

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and that's why we don't have big animals like elephants anymore...OH WAIT.
and better yet what about the smaller and faster dinosaurs?

OH I REMEMBER THIS GUY!

Sorry for the caps, I wasn't familiar with 'Chick Tracts' until I saw 'Jack Chick'. I believe he and I may have had a minor dispute at some stage. This all seems very familiar, and that's generally why.

Witty Name Here:
snip

That was inadvertently hilarious, and your commentary made it 10x better. Jack Chick needs to read his Bible again, specifically Matthew 7:1 "Judge not lest ye be judged." Telling people that he has a perfect knowledge of the one and only way to worship God, and that even slight deviations will result in damnation, strikes me as a little judgmental.

werewolfsfury:

DoPo:
I call your Jack Chick and I rise you [url=]The Time Cube[/ur]!

But Chick is seriously messed up as well. There was a comic about how dinosaurs died out...it turns out they couldn't breathe because there wasn't enough oxygen. Also, the dinosaurs were dragons before they were renamed.

PROOF
-pic snip-

and that's why we don't have big animals like elephants anymore...OH WAIT.
and better yet what about the smaller and faster dinosaurs?

Umm, just ask Jack Chick, he has master knowledge in pretty much everything.

But do you want to know how the tale of dinosaurs ends? Here, this is the very end

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Here is the whole thing. The excerpts cannot make you fully comprehend what the tract is like.

Oh Lordy, I would fall under the category of Evangelical Christian, and even I would say that Jack Chicks beliefs are rather... extreme.

I believe that the guy is a Christian, and probably a much better Christian than I am, but he has some really extreme beliefs, and his tracts often forget they're supposed to be Gospel messages about asking Jesus' forgiveness, and often end up trying to preach complex doctrine that even the most accomplished biblical scholars have disagreed on for centuries, as absolute infallible fact in a few tiny comic panels. It doesn't really work.

Personally I believe that the only requirement for being saved is to ask Jesus to forgive your sins. It's as simple and specific as that, and because of that I do think that there will be many Catholics in Heaven, even if I do disagree with an awful lot of their other doctrines.

Thanks for all the positive feedback everyone!

I recommend visiting the site and reading a few tracts if you're interested... Not because they'll convert you but because if you don't mind having your religious beliefs offended again and again, then some of the tracts are just completely hilarious in an unintentional way. I have only read that Catholic tract, yet I'm hearing some good things about his D&D one ( something about mind control and evil cults. Can't wait to check it out >=D )

Witty Name Here:
Thanks for all the positive feedback everyone!

I recommend visiting the site and reading a few tracts if you're interested... Not because they'll convert you but because if you don't mind having your religious beliefs offended again and again, then some of the tracts are just completely hilarious in an unintentional way. I have only read that Catholic tract, yet I'm hearing some good things about his D&D one ( something about mind control and evil cults. Can't wait to check it out >=D )

Wil Wheaton actually has an animated version of the DnD track on his blog. I saw the printed version of it a few years back and it gave me a good laugh. As a christian chick makes me really uncomfortable, he casts my faith in a bad light with these imbecilic tracks.

Well, you've managed to stare into the eye of madness long enough to analyze it, and that takes some fortitude.

your review was rather entertaining, and should you make another I'll be sure to read it.

And this is why we can't have nice things.

ALL OF THE FACEPALMS. Facepsalms?

Okay, I am disappointed with all of you. Ten posts into a Chick Tract thread and nobody's made fun of religion yet? Escapist, what have you become? Where did your arrogant, infuriating charm go? It's almost like you're trying to be civil for fuck's sake!

OT- the guy is very wrong in so many ways. I do not like him in the slightest. Your reading was pretty entertaining OP. Didn't offend me in the slightest even though I'm a pretty firm evangelical myself.

Time to pick some holes that the OP missed:
'They are baptised as babies, that's wrong'- Practically all Christian denominations do this, except Baptists, to the best of my knowledge.
'Baal was a Babylonian sun god'- No he wasn't, he was the Phoenician/Carthaginian god of the dead.
'Osiris was an Egyptian sun god'- See above, except he got the country right this time.
'The Egyptian gods were Isis, Horus and Seb'- (this one's more implied) The Egyptians had a bajillion gods (slight exaggeration).
'She went to purgatory because she was a Catholic' followed by 'Purgatory isn't real'- I give up.

DJjaffacake:
Time to pick some holes that the OP missed:
'They are baptised as babies, that's wrong'- Practically all Christian denominations do this, except Baptists, to the best of my knowledge.
'Baal was a Babylonian sun god'- No he wasn't, he was the Phoenician/Carthaginian god of the dead.
'Osiris was an Egyptian sun god'- See above, except he got the country right this time.
'The Egyptian gods were Isis, Horus and Seb'- (this one's more implied) The Egyptians had a bajillion gods (slight exaggeration).
'She went to purgatory because she was a Catholic' followed by 'Purgatory isn't real'- I give up.

The church has had a... Shaky relationship with Purgatory if I recall. I believe Pope Benedict XVI said it didn't exist some time during his reign.

Oh, those things are hilarious. Back in college, my roommates and I managed to find a mostly complete set of them, so we tastefully spread them across our apartment's coffee table for guests to read. And when your apartment hosts D&D games every week, those who aren't playing have something ridiculous to occupy them.

Witty Name Here:
Thanks for all the positive feedback everyone!

I recommend visiting the site and reading a few tracts if you're interested... Not because they'll convert you but because if you don't mind having your religious beliefs offended again and again, then some of the tracts are just completely hilarious in an unintentional way. I have only read that Catholic tract, yet I'm hearing some good things about his D&D one ( something about mind control and evil cults. Can't wait to check it out >=D )

.
Ok, Listen to this one - I'm a Jew and I understand, without your funny additions, that what he said was complete bullshit. My alarm went off when he said the the Vatican is a state like any other, and I couldn't stop reading and laughing through all of your post. You, Sir, have made my day. Thank you for reminding me that stupid people exist everywhere, not only in Israel.

TheIronRuler:

Witty Name Here:
Thanks for all the positive feedback everyone!

I recommend visiting the site and reading a few tracts if you're interested... Not because they'll convert you but because if you don't mind having your religious beliefs offended again and again, then some of the tracts are just completely hilarious in an unintentional way. I have only read that Catholic tract, yet I'm hearing some good things about his D&D one ( something about mind control and evil cults. Can't wait to check it out >=D )

.
Ok, Listen to this one - I'm a Jew and I understand, without your funny additions, that what he said was complete bullshit. My alarm went off when he said the the Vatican is a state like any other, and I couldn't stop reading and laughing through all of your post. You, Sir, have made my day. Thank you for reminding me that stupid people exist everywhere, not only in Israel.

D'aw, thanks for the compliment.

Anyways, prepare for another Let's Read tonight. I'm debating between "Dark Dungeons" (The infamous Dungeons and Dragons tract) something about Islam, or perhaps "Poor Little Witch" (if it's about Wicca, then it will be doubly hilarious). I would love to hear any opinions on it.

Witty Name Here:

TheIronRuler:

Witty Name Here:
Thanks for all the positive feedback everyone!

I recommend visiting the site and reading a few tracts if you're interested... Not because they'll convert you but because if you don't mind having your religious beliefs offended again and again, then some of the tracts are just completely hilarious in an unintentional way. I have only read that Catholic tract, yet I'm hearing some good things about his D&D one ( something about mind control and evil cults. Can't wait to check it out >=D )

.
Ok, Listen to this one - I'm a Jew and I understand, without your funny additions, that what he said was complete bullshit. My alarm went off when he said the the Vatican is a state like any other, and I couldn't stop reading and laughing through all of your post. You, Sir, have made my day. Thank you for reminding me that stupid people exist everywhere, not only in Israel.

D'aw, thanks for the compliment.

Anyways, prepare for another Let's Read tonight. I'm debating between "Dark Dungeons" (The infamous Dungeons and Dragons tract) something about Islam, or perhaps "Poor Little Witch" (if it's about Wicca, then it will be doubly hilarious). I would love to hear any opinions on it.

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I will check it out. By the way, there was one I read myself about Passover and it quoted something from the old testament, saying that the messiah will be of a virgin and called Joshua. I looked it up on my very own Hebrew bible and lo and behold - it was bullshit! The verse doesn't exist! For the love of sin, this is retarded! They are lying in your face!

Witty Name Here:
Anyways, prepare for another Let's Read tonight. I'm debating between "Dark Dungeons" (The infamous Dungeons and Dragons tract) something about Islam, or perhaps "Poor Little Witch" (if it's about Wicca, then it will be doubly hilarious). I would love to hear any opinions on it.

Can I vote for "Dark Dungeons"? I'll also be interested in "Poor Little Witch". But whatever the case, you decide what would be better. I just haven't seen "Dark Dungeons" but I wanted to for some time (I keep forgetting to check it out).

Just went to a Catholic Baptism, I was a "God Father", although I'm not Catholic so I'm listed as a "witness". Anyway the priest used two different oils in the baptism, one early on to make a sign of the cross on my nephews chest, and another oil late in the ceremony to make the sign of the cross on his forehead. I don't remember any salt though. The oil stands out because the priest said it would make my nephew "smell like Jesus" and I had to stifle a laugh.

Anyway do "Angels?" next, that is my favorite after "Dark Dungeons".

"I don't want to be Elvenstar anymore...I want to be Debbie!"

I'd hate to get everyones hopes up just to dash it, but I've had a lot of work recently and am Incredibly tired. I may not be able to post tonight, but have no fear, I will try to get to it tomorrow.

And Now, for part 2 in my (hopefully) epic Let's Read series! Tonight, we will be exploring a world of Fantasy... And Dragons! And how it all is related to an evil satanic cult that gives you mind control powers!

Dark Dungeons

Now, I'm not the biggest Tabletop Gamer, I'm still trying to start my first "Real" game of Pathfinder (which is essentially D&D 3.5) yet I feel I know enough about the game to point out the hilarious, hilarious oddities this tract has. Plus, being a massive RPG fan, prepare to watch me nerd out as I defend what is, essentially, the first RPG ever. So enough time wasting, let's jump right in!

The story starts off innocently enough with a group of about seven people playing Dungeons and Dragons...

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Wait a second... Huh... Something seems off about that strip... Hmm...

Something about the group...

Oh! I know! There's like, four girls in the group and only three guys! I know this might sound stereotypical or something like that, but I'm pretty sure that D&D doesn't really attract girls as much as it does guys. (not saying it's impossible, just not that likely) and even if you say the group attracted a lot of girl tabletop gamers, it still seems like the chances of the girls outnumbering the guys is pretty slim.

Anyways, the wizard casts his spell aaaaaaaanddddd...

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Dude! That's one freaking harsh DM! I mean, she failed the perception check and you say she's dead? I mean, by god at least give her a saving throw! And really, no character rerolls? You're just kicking her out of the group? You're losing a potentially important DPS character and shortening your group by one member! Seriously, to have seven people, all at the same time, playing Dungeons and Dragons, that's a pretty lucky group you have there. Then again, with a fantasy name like "Black Leaf" (I love how amateur fantasy writers come up with "Fantastic" names just by combining two nouns into a single name) she probably was a newbie gamer and the DM just wanted an excuse to kick her out of the group. (She was playing a thief and couldn't even find a simple poison trap?) I also know I'll sound like a horrible human being for saying this, but I love that "You don't even exist anymore!" Line, it makes me think they're quoting the Jewish Talmund and it's stance on Inter religious marriages, something about it just makes me chuckle and feel horrible at the same time.

Alright, so the game is over and the group leaves, the DM pulls the young Debbie aside for a private chat and has something important to tell her...

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Debbie you fickle bitch...

You were the Cleric and you just were fucking around when Black Leaf died! Seriously, if you just reached level eight, you should've gotten "Breath of Life" about 3 levels ago and could've brought poor Black Leaf back to life! Not gonna lie. Worst. Cleric. Ever. Anyways, the DM goes on and on about how, now that Debby is level eight she's ready to learn real magic or something like that--

WOAH! WOAH! WOAH! Dungeons and Dragons gives you magic powers?! Dude! Why are people playing Call of Duty when this is the game that gives people magic powers! I need to get on that pathfinder game right away!

Alright, so the DM takes debbie too... Generic white background place with a big pentagram on it.

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Has anyone noticed that we haven't really had a shot of the main characters face for four panels now?

Anyways, quick question, why are they referring to her by her D&D name? Oh whatever, that doesn't matter. They go on and on about some Temple of Diana and how she'll be a "Priestess and Witch". Anyways, I know that Chick is going to set these guys up as the "Villains" but they seem to be perfectly fine chaps. I mean they're offering to teach her free magic just for being good at D&D, plus they seem to be a relatively nice group of fellows; they're polite enough to welcome her personally at they're evil church/white background/secret lair... Place. (I'm still waiting on a personal greeting from you Monsignor Peter! That's right, you! I worked just as hard as the rest of my class for building that miniature golf course on your birthday!)

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Heh. Yes, she knew she was ready for divine power by the way she played a luck/stat based Tabletop roleplaying game.

Ms. Frost: "She may not have any other skills, but man can she roll those D20s! Yeah, she's totally ready for the responsibility of Ultimate Power!"

Anyways; YAY! We finally can see our main characters face... Although it's just a generic looking face, can we have a close up so we can see what Debbie actually looks like?

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OH MY GOD!!!!

J-Jesus Christ! Debbie! Are you a burn victim or something?! I really, REALLY, hate making that joke but... Just look at her! There's nothing in the panel to suggest she's disgusted by anything, that's just how she normally looks while she's talking and...

O-Oh, oh my, now she's casted a bondage spell on her father... Yeah, I think with the way she looks and what she did to her father, she is, in all respects, totally justified to be playing D&D.

I... I'll try and push that image out of my mind for the next panel...

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Wow! Why aren't more businesses resorting to working with satanic cults. If they can convince teenagers into forcing their loved ones to buy them 200 dollars worth of merchandise, I expect there to be Pentagrams and 666's all over the next COD game.

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Is... Is Debbie playing D&D by herself? S-shouldn't there be something in the rule books that says...?

You know what, I'm not going to hide it, I think Debbie might be a bit touched in the head... Just make sure she isn't adding any of the XP she's getting from all those zombies onto her character sheet Ms. Frost.

Anyways, Debbie later goes to talk some sense into Marcie, who hasn't been acting that well since her character died....

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Well Debbie seems to have the most aloof look on her face, I'm sure nothing can go wrong with this next panel--

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...

Is it wrong that my first thought was "Why does it look like she put a chair ON her bed to hang herself". That has to be one pretty high bedroom ceiling.

Also. "Oh no, Marcie died! I wonder if it has anything to do with that 'You are dead, get lost, you don't exist anymore' thing I said just a few panels back."

Anyways, back at Ms. Frost's place

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"Look's Like Ms. Frost's heart is... *Sunglasses*... Made of Ice." YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Alright, in response to you blaming yourself Debbie... Don't worry, it wasn't because you were playing the game instead of talking to Marcie that lead her to killing herself... It's because you're a bitch who told her to get lost, that she didn't exist anymore, and never bothered to resurrect her character when you were able to.

Though it doesn't look like Ms. Frost is enjoying any of Debbie's disgusting "basic human empathy".

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"NO DUNGEON MASTER! I DON'T WANT TO BE THEOS ASHBORN ANY MORE!!!" <--- Story of my life as a Roleplayer

Also, she raises a good point, this is one of the VERY few things Jack Chick gets right about any Pagan beliefs. From what little I know of Wicca, they essentially have a system where, when it comes to magic, feel free to cast any spells you want so long as it doesn't harm anyone or interfere with their free will. If anything, Debbie should go to the rest of the Coven and explain to them that Ms. Frost is breaking the laws of Wicca.

Anyways, Debbie goes off to cry in a nature-y location and runs into Mike.

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Er... Okay then Mike, you don't even know her problem and you're starting to shove Jesus down her throat. Her puppy could've died and you just were using it as a platform to preach from. Also... Yeah; Praying AND Fasting? That... Er... The praying bit I can understand. But fasting for her makes him seem a little too devoted to Debbie.

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Uh... Mike, that's a pretty intense stare you're giving her. In fact, I don't even think you're looking at her fully.

Disregarding that stare, Mike decides to take her to some seminar against Witchcraft or something like that. And it's hosted by someone who even I, a straight Catholic man, have to admit looks dashing and charismatic.

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Shame he's just one of those old farts who cant stand "the rock music and the loud video games"... Plus his reasons are pretty generic. "Witchcraft WORKS and does give you ultimate power! But... Er... It's bad! Yeah! So leave it! Now! Also burn your favorite rock CDs! RIGHT NOW!" So, this is a common theme in Jack Chicks works from what I understand. Paganism and Occultism work, they don't seem to have any downsides, Christians are given no powers or anything like that (I don't think God even bothers to protect them in their time of need) yet for some reason people are supposed to give it up for Generic reasons. "It's bad!"

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So she was trying to use a D&D core rulebook to run her life? Just imagine that for a moment.

Debbie's Mother: "Debbie, take out the trash!"
Debbie *Debbie rolls dice* "I'm sorry mom, I can't! I failed!"
Debbie's Mother: "You what?"
Debbie: "According to the Core Rulebook, holy be it's name, I have to roll a skill check on that, I rolled a 1, I failed and wont be able to take out the garbage."

image

And... That's how it ends... The bad guys are still at large, and with their powers they still should be able to harm Debby. And we only have her word that she's "Free" (I'd be pissed if I was her father though, those books cost around 30 bucks a pop!)

Plus, does Jack Chick see nothing even remotely Occult related with burning things in a fire as a sacrifice to God and using what is, essentially magic, to drive out evil forces? This whole Tract reeks of hypocrisy.

Anyways, that was the end of Part 2 of my Let's Read series! As always remember to comment and give me recommendations for the next tract to read!

PEACE OUT!

Hmm... It appears it isn't working when I center it.

Witty Name Here:

Dude! That's one freaking harsh DM! I mean, she failed the perception check and you say she's dead? I mean, by god at least give her a saving throw!

Ms. Frost obviously follows the good old Gygaxian method of DMing. 'You step through the door? Too bad, it was an Orb of Annihilation. *glorp* Also, Rot Worms for everyone. You better start doing fire damage to yourselves before they burrow into your hearts and you all die with no saves.'

Also, it's generally accepted on the internet that 'fighting the zombie' is actually a euphemism for...y'know...another solo activity *cough*

I love the last panel, "NOBODY ELSE CAN SAVE YOU, TRUST JESUS TODAY!" and then urges you to buy a book called the "Next Step". It reads like a corny advert.

Practising Christianity and Capitalism don't go well together, unless your a fundamentalist Christian living in America, in which case you are a follower of both, somehow.

I think I actually got one of these Chick Tracts at my old job..

As I recall, it was the one that basically said that even if you led a good life, doing good things, you'd still go to Hell for not being the right religion or something..

Buretsu:
I think I actually got one of these Chick Tracts at my old job..

As I recall, it was the one that basically said that even if you led a good life, doing good things, you'd still go to Hell for not being the right religion or something..

That sounds like... All of them actually.

In fact the definition can be even more narrow. If I recall, in one Chick Tract, a group of missionaries were sent to hell because they didn't preach while they were doing missionary work. While a punk convict got sent to heaven because he "Repented" before he died.

Witty Name Here:
Hmm... It appears it isn't working when I center it.

I wonder if removing the capital C from "Center" would do anything?

Doesn't matter, though - this is a rather illuminating "Let's Read". I've heard of Jack Chick before, from TVtropes, but these are just... does he seriously believe this crap?

Witty Name Here:

Buretsu:
I think I actually got one of these Chick Tracts at my old job..

As I recall, it was the one that basically said that even if you led a good life, doing good things, you'd still go to Hell for not being the right religion or something..

That sounds like... All of them actually.

In fact the definition can be even more narrow. If I recall, in one Chick Tract, a group of missionaries were sent to hell because they didn't preach while they were doing missionary work. While a punk convict got sent to heaven because he "Repented" before he died.

I think this one was about a husband and wife, and IIRC, they ended up getting left behind during the Rapture..

captcha: "act of god" can't be a coincidence...

OhJohnNo:

Witty Name Here:
Hmm... It appears it isn't working when I center it.

I wonder if removing the capital C from "Center" would do anything?

Doesn't matter, though - this is a rather illuminating "Let's Read". I've heard of Jack Chick before, from TVtropes, but these are just... does he seriously believe this crap?

Poe's law, we can never be sure if they're just bulshitting us or if they really believe that sort of thing... Although from what I've heard of "Former" evangelicals, yes, this is what they believe.

Anyways I'm feeling like I'm on a roll. I might even go for another tract tonight!

Oh Mr. Chick. Why must you make us protestants seem like we're batty? Seriously, I really hope no one gets their ideas of what protestant Christianity is like from this guy. We all think he's nuts too, we promise!
Plus...we have communion too, Mr. Chick. We use the same wafers and glasses of wine (well, grape juice, still), and we also say a prayer over them. I don't know what church you were raised in, but communion is far from exclusively Catholic. Plus, Jesus implemented the first Communion! Has he never read the parts of the Bible talking about the night Christ was arrested? Eeesh..

Chanel Tompkins:
Oh Mr. Chick. Why must you make us protestants seem like we're batty? Seriously, I really hope no one gets their ideas of what protestant Christianity is like from this guy. We all think he's nuts too, we promise!
Plus...we have communion too, Mr. Chick. We use the same wafers and glasses of wine (well, grape juice, still), and we also say a prayer over them. I don't know what church you were raised in, but communion is far from exclusively Catholic. Plus, Jesus implemented the first Communion! Has he never read the parts of the Bible talking about the night Christ was arrested? Eeesh..

I think the bigger problem he has is, us Catholics believe that when we have communion, the bread and wine become the literal body and blood of Jesus, while protestants believe it's just figurative... So Mr. Chick takes the next "logical" step and concludes we have pagan rituals where our priests have magic powers and we worship unleavened bread.

Witty Name Here:

Chanel Tompkins:
Oh Mr. Chick. Why must you make us protestants seem like we're batty? Seriously, I really hope no one gets their ideas of what protestant Christianity is like from this guy. We all think he's nuts too, we promise!
Plus...we have communion too, Mr. Chick. We use the same wafers and glasses of wine (well, grape juice, still), and we also say a prayer over them. I don't know what church you were raised in, but communion is far from exclusively Catholic. Plus, Jesus implemented the first Communion! Has he never read the parts of the Bible talking about the night Christ was arrested? Eeesh..

I think the bigger problem he has is, us Catholics believe that when we have communion, the bread and wine become the literal body and blood of Jesus, while protestants believe it's just figurative... So Mr. Chick takes the next "logical" step and concludes we have pagan rituals where our priests have magic powers and we worship unleavened bread.

Ah, I can see how that's a little different yeah. Still doesn't make him any less crazy...And my pastor was confused when all the elders told him to make our own tracts instead of using Chick's. XD

 

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