How can the friend zone debate end?

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Sorry if the title is misleading but THIS IS NOT ABOUT DEBATING WHETHER THE FRIEND ZONE IS REAL or coming up with some bulletproof argument. it seems like every time there is a debate about the friend zone it always degrades into girls saying "there is no friend zone, guys just cant deal with rejection" and guys going "the friend zone is real because girls only date assholes."

lately i have seen this popping up a lot
http://ifeelokay.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/maybe-friendzone-is-bullshit.jpg

and im pretty sure we have all seen this
http://www.eatliver.com/img/2011/7783.jpg

do you think this is a debate that will just rage on forever and get progressively more insulting, or is there any way there could be some sort of middle ground that the two sides could eventually reach?

If you wanted to end the debate why did you make a new thread instead of posting in the old one?

EDIT Misleading indeed.

Man, I don't know about the Friend Zone, I can't seem to get out of the Danger Zone.

I just got through the Green Hill Zone, got lost in the Twilight Zone and I thought it was all over in the Zone of the Enders.

The second link made me laugh.

Just saying! >.>

omfg im tired of you guys posting the same topicw over and over again lol

honestly you so called nice guys who get rejected just need to learn to deal with rejection like normal human beings is that so hrad to ask and yes this thread title was very misleading.

Onjenae:
omfg im tired of you guys posting the samer topic over nad over again lol

honestly you so called nice guys who get rejected just need to learn to deal with rejection like normal human beings is that so ahrd to ask and yes this thread title was very misleading.

would you suggest a different title to make it less misleading?

Onjenae:
omfg im tired of you guys posting the samer topic over nad over again lol

honestly you so called nice guys who get rejected just need to learn to deal with rejection like normal human beings is that so ahrd to ask and yes this thread title was very misleading.

I might agree with you if only I could read whatever language you post in.

OT: OP, that 2nd link is great despite me seeing it before. Gave me a hearty lol.

Matthew94:
If you wanted to end the debate why did you make a new thread instead of posting in the old one?

EDIT Misleading indeed.

id like to make the title as clear as possible. what would you suggest to make it less misleading?

00slash00:

Matthew94:
If you wanted to end the debate why did you make a new thread instead of posting in the old one?

EDIT Misleading indeed.

id like to make the title as clear as possible. what would you suggest to make it less misleading?

"How can we end the friendzone debate?" or something along those lines.

Onjenae:
omfg im tired of you guys posting the same topicw over and over again lol

honestly you so called nice guys who get rejected just need to learn to deal with rejection like normal human beings is that so hrad to ask and yes this thread title was very misleading.

Bro, this isn't a friendzone rant.

OT: I enjoy the friendzone threads always an interesting an funny read. I can see how they get annoying.

Here, let me end the friendzone debate: yall need to stop being a bunch of sad dudes and man the fuck up. I never got friendzoned and I am far from being a handsome, extremely sexual big dicked motherfucker.

Getting friendzoned is something you let happen. I have never seen anyone get friendzoned without acting like a coward, for lack of a better word. Motherfucker, you dont want to get friendzoned? Let the chick know you wont put up with that shit. Problem solved.

But of course this shit is to much to ask, bitches will keep friendzoning motherfuckers left and right and these motherfuckers will keep spamming the internet instead of telling the bitch what she is.

I actually have to say though, I cant remember seeing more than 4 friendzone threads in my time here. Its almost like us escapists know how to handle this shit, more so than other communities anyway.

00slash00:
http://www.eatliver.com/img/2011/7783.jpg

Fuck that comic. A more accurate portrayal of 99% of friendzoning incidents would be the guy applying for the role of janitor while thinking to himself he would like to be the manager. Then he bitches when he gets the janitor job.

I mean, Jesus Christ people.

SmashLovesTitanQuest:
Here, let me end the friendzone debate: yall need to stop being a bunch of sad dudes and man the fuck up. I never got friendzoned and I am far from being a handsome, extremely sexual big dicked motherfucker.

Getting friendzoned is something you let happen. I have never seen anyone get friendzoned without acting like a coward, for lack of a better word. Motherfucker, you dont want to get friendzoned? Let the chick know you wont put up with that shit. Problem solved.

But of course this shit is to much to ask, bitches will keep friendzoning motherfuckers left and right and these motherfuckers will keep spamming the internet instead of telling the bitch what she is.

I actually have to say though, I cant remember seeing more than 4 friendzone threads in my time here. Its almost like us escapists know how to handle this shit, more so than other communities anyway.

00slash00:
http://www.eatliver.com/img/2011/7783.jpg

Fuck that comic. A more accurate portrayal of 99% of friendzoning incidents would be the guy applying for the role of janitor while thinking to himself he would like to be the manager. Then he bitches when he gets the janitor job.

I mean, Jesus Christ people.

Yeah, I gotta agree with Smash here.

Guys get friendzoned because they're not interesting.

Want to know how I started my relationship with my significant other?

I was funny. I made her laugh. I didn't shower her with compliments, I didn't tell her how special she was, I treated her like I treated any of my male friends.

Like a human being.

A flawed, beautiful, human being.

It's not so much a debate as it is a long, irritating whine : \

geK0:
It's not so much a debate as it is a long, irritating whine : \

'Why don't girls like meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?'

'Because you're boring'

'But I'm a nice guy.'

'Sorry, but being completely inoffensive =/= being a nice guy.'

Daystar Clarion:
Man, I don't know about the Friend Zone, I can't seem to get out of the Danger Zone.

I just got through the Green Hill Zone, got lost in the Twilight Zone and I thought it was all over in the Zone of the Enders.

You know, I think whoever set that chain of Zones up in succession like that REALLY should get a stern talking to about 'Zoning regulations' by the local building inspector.

Seriously, that's not proper level progression. They should be ashamed.

Plus, they skipped the FroZone! Unnacceptable! Every game needs an ice level!

OT:
The friendzone exists, but...If you end up there, maybe you should have shown some interest before you got shunted there?

I mean, my Girlfriend and I (been together over a year now) started off as just friends who met up between university classes, and sometimes ate together. I had no intent of pursuing her. I treated her just like any other friend, and we got along awesomely.

And then I fell for her, and dropped a hint or two. And then started giving her REAL goodbye hugs rather than our usual split second goodbye hugs. And so, I showed her I was interested. And she felt the same. BAM, we hooked up.

Daystar Clarion:

I was funny. I made her laugh. I didn't shower her with compliments, I didn't tell her how special she was, I treated her like I treated any of my male friends.

Like a human being.

A flawed, beautiful, human being.

This is pretty much how it goes. That's how I treated it, and it worked pretty well for me.

There's a debate on whether the 'Friend Zone' exists? Are there some diehard flat earthers around as well?

Okay maybe I'm being a tad harsh. As I understand it (and I should, via personal experience), the 'friend zone' is when a girl rebuffs or otherwise renders moot the romantic advances of a guy (or girl -why not?) while ostensibly desiring to 'remain friends'. This becomes genuinely frustrating for (so-called) nice guys who have bothered to nurture a consistent, stable, and -hitherto- platonic relationship with a girl they are interested in/have grown to fancy over time. It is particularly frustrating when the object of their affections consistently (is perceived to be) running off with scoundrels (or otherwise 'undesirables' in the eyes of the unrequited).

To say that one is not 'able to deal with rejection' may be true in the strictest definition of the phrase, but I think the gravity of precisely whom is doing the rejecting is lost in that dismissal. This isn't some random bar skank or internet/introduced-via-friend date; this is someone they've grown to care about -someone whose opinion carries substantial weight with them. To propose a more intimate relationship -and to have that proposal not only rejected, but to continue as if nothing has changed- is a pretty shattering blow to one's ego. And let's be clear here: everyone has an ego, and how others affect one's ego informs their relationship with them.

Now what I'm NOT saying is that women don't have the right to outright reject anyone they don't have feelings for, NOR that anyone is a bad/mean/cruel person for 'friendzoning' someone. And there is a right way and a wrong way to handle it. Some can 'take the hit' and suck it up. Sometimes moving on is the best way to handle it (i.e. an 'amicable split'). Unrequited love is one thing, outright rejection is quite another; the constant reminder of such (particularly if he really, really cares about you) may be too cruel a circumstance for him to operate 'normally' under.

Now, it is also possible that some guys have a certain...let's say...'expectation' from female 'friends'. Wherein they figure if they let her cry on their shoulder enough, she'll eventually realize that they are a viable a prospective mate. Perhaps they hope that -with enough interaction- she'll see past his mighty girth, horrendous acne, crippling insecurities, or any number of individual 'deal breakers'. After all, isn't every romance movie ever about overcoming some initial 'hurdle' to ultimately arrive at the love that was 'meant to be all along'? (I don't care if you claim to not watch romance movies, you know I'm right) Just so, a constant inundation with such flights of fancy will color one's perspective over time, and may set up certain expectations that -while unfair to their would-be partner- will only lead to disappointment (and likely a fair degree of resentment). So you'll notice I just used the word 'unfair' to describe such expectations, because that's what it is: unfair. However, the all-encompassing feeling of worthlessness after a rejection (or -even worse- an unending stream of rejection) by people who find him wanting as a mate but adequate for a friend is truly maddening.

In truth, most would probably rather be rejected totally and subsequently shunned, than offered the 'silver medal' of 'let's just stay friends'. The former hurts less.

Daystar Clarion:
Man, I don't know about the Friend Zone, I can't seem to get out of the Danger Zone.

I just got through the Green Hill Zone, got lost in the Twilight Zone and I thought it was all over in the Zone of the Enders.

No Safari Zone, Comix Zone or FroZone for that matter? For shame =P

But anyway, if you're put in this "friend zone" then it's probably due to something you have or haven't done.

Daystar Clarion:
Man, I don't know about the Friend Zone, I can't seem to get out of the Danger Zone.

I just got through the Green Hill Zone, got lost in the Twilight Zone and I thought it was all over in the Zone of the Enders.

Then when you were done with that you had to zone out while watching the zone while you were on a airplane to the Korean demilitarized zone, while being on a zone diet just as the moment you changed time zones.

Daystar Clarion:

Guys get friendzoned because they're not interesting.

This ^
You can be the nicest guy in the world but unless they find you interesting, a real reason to go out with you, then getting friend zoned is about as far as you'll go.
My guess on the whole "girls go out with assholes" theory is because assholes are confident therefore interesting while the "nice guys" seem shy, boring and not someone you'd fall in love with

Daystar Clarion:
Man, I don't know about the Friend Zone, I can't seem to get out of the Danger Zone.

I just got through the Green Hill Zone, got lost in the Twilight Zone and I thought it was all over in the Zone of the Enders.

Hiiiiiiighwaaay tooooo therrr danger zoune!

ahem... i'll leave now...

Well, I don't really think it exists. I was friends with my girlfriend for a long while, and got decidedly more interested in her romantically (especially having never had a girlfriend before), and it was fairly well known that I was into her and she wasn't into me. I persisted, and got lucky, and am still together two years later.

However, the idea of the 'friend zone' refers to a situation where you are not even considered as a sexual partner, being the 'friend'. This is untrue, you've been considered, and found unworthy. You can either keep trying to win her heart, and hope she relents, or give up and go elsewhere.

I was friend-zoned. Easy solution; stop being friends... Ignore everything, retain bad-ass motherfuckery.

edit

As long as there are people who don't understand how dating works, there will be friend zoned people, and those people will complain. It's as simple as that, and unfortunately it's not something you can teach (trust me, I'd know- despite being told hundreds of times it didn't sink in until I realised it myself). There's not a lot that can be done about it. Like every other thing in the world, some people get it, some take a while, some don't get it at all. Just the way it goes.

All men should do away with the constant generalization that all women only date assholes... under one condition...

That all women should do away with the constant generalization that all men are only interested in sex.

Of course, if anyone actually accepts those truths, it pretty much debunks the theory Morpheus here presents that men who are kind to women are only kind because they want sex from them.

Yeah, there's such a thing as a nice guy looking for a relationship, just like there's such a thing as a girl who prefers not to date assholes. It's a shame the two don't meet that often.

The only way to not be bothered by being in the friend zone is to put yourself there instead of waiting for the girl to do it. And if you want to date her then tell her that from the beginning instead of "looking for the right opportunity."

00slash00:
Sorry if the title is misleading but THIS IS NOT ABOUT DEBATING WHETHER THE FRIEND ZONE IS REAL or coming up with some bulletproof argument. it seems like every time there is a debate about the friend zone it always degrades into girls saying "there is no friend zone, guys just cant deal with rejection" and guys going "the friend zone is real because girls only date assholes."

lately i have seen this popping up a lot
http://ifeelokay.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/maybe-friendzone-is-bullshit.jpg

and im pretty sure we have all seen this
http://www.eatliver.com/img/2011/7783.jpg

do you think this is a debate that will just rage on forever and get progressively more insulting, or is there any way there could be some sort of middle ground that the two sides could eventually reach?

I'm a guy and I'm pretty sure I'm against the existence of that nonsense. In fact a lot of guys are. I do not see mostly women saying it, or there even being more men who believe in it than don't.

I also don't see why there would be a middle ground to reach. Need a good argument for a middle ground and to think it is needed.

Daystar Clarion:
Man, I don't know about the Friend Zone, I can't seem to get out of the Danger Zone.

I just got through the Green Hill Zone, got lost in the Twilight Zone and I thought it was all over in the Zone of the Enders.

Go west, goddammit! West!

hulksmashley:

How To Avoid the Friend Zone in Four-ish Easy Steps:

1. See a girl that you like.
2. Spend time with said girl while attempting to be romantic.
3. Tell her that you like her.
4a. She says she likes you back. Yay! The End.
4b. She says sorry, but she doesn't like you. Aww.
4b2a. Stop your pursuit and move on. The End.
4b2b. Just become her friend. Like, a normal friend, not a friendzombie. The End.

I have embettered your list. Kinda. Now it's like a choose-your-own-adventure! Or a flowchart! Or a list!

I always thought the whole friend zone thing was funny because on line it seems like its all guys complaining about girls friend zoning them but in real life I've known far more girls that complained about getting friend zoned the guys.

The issue probably stems from the internet taking something that's real and extrapolating it to the point it's meaning is lost.

You're not friendzoned if she wants to be friends with you but has no romantic interest in you. That is life. Regardless of what you think is good for them, they have their own desires and things that make them attracted to people, just like you do. I'm sure most of you out there have female friends with which you have no interest in pursuing a romantic/sexual relationship with. Perhaps they're ok in short doses but you'd drive each other crazy long term. Perhaps you simply aren't attracted to her. Well, all that stuff? Women, as people, have those same kinds of thoughts. It doesn't matter if you think you're perfect for the job, she doesn't agree, and relationships are like those submarine keys, gotta both turn them at the same time.

The "Friend Zone" is, in reality, a very particular situation, where a woman, who despite being a person has parts of a thought process that are unknowable to man, "just doesn't think of you that way". It's not that there is any particular flaw in who you are, it's just that, "it'd be weird, he's my friend"(actual quote heard in the last six months). In other words, it's a situation where you have been categorized out of a relationship REGARDLESS OF YOUR PERSONAL QUALITIES.

It's important to remember that this is not nearly as common as the internet would like to pretend. While it's not RARE, per se, you also have to remember that she's just as likely lying as being truthful in those situations. i.e., she finds you deficient in some way/you're just not her type, but she doesn't want to just be a jerk to you, so she gives you the "friend" excuse to let you down softly (at least, in her mind).

In short, the argument would end if you didn't over use the term so that it loses all meaning and begins to encompass situations it was never meant to encompass.

Daystar Clarion:
Man, I don't know about the Friend Zone, I can't seem to get out of the Danger Zone.

I just got through the Green Hill Zone, got lost in the Twilight Zone and I thought it was all over in the Zone of the Enders.

I have no real contribution to this thread. I just had to quote this man/woman's awesomeness

00slash00:
lately i have seen this popping up a lot
http://ifeelokay.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/maybe-friendzone-is-bullshit.jpg

and im pretty sure we have all seen this
http://www.eatliver.com/img/2011/7783.jpg

Funny and true, both. Comes down to being honest.

You want her? Say so. Just because you think she knows she's desired by every man who comes in contact with her doesn't mean you're correct in your assessment.

You don't want him, but he's made it plain he wants you? Say so. Better to have intentions known by all parties than to have doubt and sexual tension lingering.

Communication is a two-way street, guys and gals.

It's about blame and arrogance. Both sides blame the other. Blame makes things easier. Projecting the cause of our troubles on some external agency, some fault within the other person, means we don't have to fix ourselves. It also allows us to imagine we are better than they are, that the only reason we didn't succeed was because the game was rigged by people who weren't good enough to win a fair contest.

Women need to know that most guys can deal with rejection. It's just that if they can't eat the cake, some of them would rather not have the cake at all.

Think about it. Imagine a beautiful, delicious-looking cake that you can look at, and smell, but never taste. Now imagine spending every day with the cake (it doesn't spoil), looking at it, smelling it, but enjoying neither the look nor the aroma because all you can think about is how good it would taste.

Wanting to eat the cake does not make a guy an asshole. Being unhappy with only the appearance and aroma of the cake does not necessarily mean a guy is "unable to handle" not being allowed to eat it. It could just mean he didn't want to settle for two out of three. He walks away from the cake because he doesn't want to be reminded of what he can't have every day. More women need to understand this.

What guys need to understand is that women don't "just date assholes."

They certainly do date assholes. When I was younger there was a guy in my town who was infamous as a wrecker of lives, a guy with a ten year trail of broken souls behind him. Even knowing his reputation, women almost literally lined up for their chance to be emotionally abused, then shamelessly discarded. (And yes, I've also seen a woman do this. It is by no means gender exclusive.)

This behavior isn't universal, or even typical. It's just that particularly unpleasant examples like this always stand out in our memory. Fifteen years later I remember the name of the abuser, and the three women I knew (and many others I didn't) who he ground down into pits of mistrust and self-loathing from which some of them never managed to climb out.

Who I don't remember is any of the guys who dated the women I wanted at that time, the guys I called assholes back then. I expect they were probably all right, certainly no worse than I was.

Calling the other guy an asshole helps a little, but saying it does not make it true. A single heinous example is not affirmation of an overwhelming trend. A woman's judgment is no better or worse than your own. Any guy who thinks she chose someone else because the other guy was a worse choice rather than a better one is lying to himself.

Daystar Clarion:
Man, I don't know about the Friend Zone, I can't seem to get out of the Danger Zone.

Did you take the highway to get there?

OT: I think the friendzone, but it's been oversaturated by douchebags who think that just being by being kind to a girl then she's obligated to have sex with you. Example: Everyone at 9Gag

The "friend zone" debate can end when people collectively agree to fuck everyone who shows the slightest friendly interest in them.

Of course since that'll never happen, the whole 'debate' will never end.

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