Poll: Do you even want to get married?

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No, not really. Can't see much point to it. For me, at least.


Relish in Chaos:
Could I ask those that want to get married...why? What difference does it make if you have some "official" paper telling you that you love each other? How is it a "commitment"? Is it just for legally convenient reasons (like the money and stuff), or religious reasons?

I literally don't understand it. Why would anyone, in this day and age, want to get married when you should just be able to love someone without having to throw some retarded ceremony for it?

But... I am undecided as to whether or not I will change my name. I don't want to hyphenate my name, so I don't know what I will do yet. I've thought about me and the boyfriend changing our last names to a mix of our two last names. I'm attatched to my name, he's attatched to his, so while he wouldn't really wanna change his completely, he understands if I dont wanna change mine.

That's an easy one, you just don't change your name. It's not like there's some rule stating that a married couple has to share a last name. Hell, when my mom and dad got married, she kept her last name the same and he kept his, so if you're both attached to your surnames, just keep 'em like that. (Unless there's some special reason you want to share a name, in which case, what do I know?)

I once heard/read someone, I can't remember who, making a very interesting point about marriage. Isn't it more romantic to stay together because you genuinely want to and love each other than because you promised to? Isn't a better sign of the affection you have for your partner that you choose to stay with them rather than being obliged to?

I'd love to say that that's my justification for not wanting to marry, but sadly I'm not that clever, and I knew long before I heard it that marriage, and relationships in general, just aren't my thing. But I like to pretend that I have deep, meaningful and well-reasoned objections rather than just a basic emotional reaction of "nah, doesn't sound like my thing".

Uhhhhhhh... I was thinking about Yes, but after hearing all of this... Maybe not? O.o
I did think about getting married, maybe way later though XD But I dunno, some of these people here have pretty good points. I guess it'll all depend on the partner I meet, and see how it goes from there

I'm the whitest, weakest,and malest, strong black women who needs no man

You go girl!

Yeah, I wanna get married. Not religiously though, it's more of a romance and love thing. But not yet, I need freedom first.

I hope to one day, I'm actually engaged right now : )
I'm just waiting for it to be legal in my country and then we're going to tie the knot!

Living Contradiction:
Widower checking in here. Had eleven wonderful years and yes, it still hurts.

I didn't plan on getting married so why did I marry? Largely because I wanted to stay in the country with the woman I loved and she wanted to have my last name. Hence, a quick ceremony at the DMV and all the legal bits that came after. What we got out of it, apart from the trust of someone we respected and loved, was a feeling of permanence and greater emotional satisfaction.

We went to bed with someone we loved and woke up the next morning with that feeling of permanent satisfaction. We went about our days enjoying things a little bit more and enduring annoyances with a bit more ease because we felt that emotional buzz. I can rely on this person. I trust this person. I love this person. Could we have had that without marriage? Yes, but why make things harder when getting married is so simple and has so many benefits?

Ah, but what about divorce, as so many others have mentioned? What about statistics and the possibility of being hurt, of being cleaned out financially and emotionally?

Well, maybe you know someone whose marriage ended in divorce. Maybe yours did. Mine didn't. It ended the other way.

All marriages end eventually. If you are just going to focus on the endgame, you shouldn't get married because you won't enjoy the ride and it's the ride that matters. It's getting up and enjoying the day with the one you love that matters. If you don't have someone you love yet, you have my sympathy. If you don't think you ever will, you get a smile and a "wait and see" from me. If you had someone you loved and lost that someone, please accept my condolences and a consolation: You had that person for a little while at least. Just as I did.

Inspiring post, thank you for that and my condolences for your loss.

Haven't really got anything else to add that this post doesn't already say.

I used to be that way till I actually got married. It was more of a "I'm scared as hell, but lets do it" sort of thing.

Marriage is fine as long as you marry the right person. People toss it so casually that its become dangerous financially. I've been married for a few years and I gotta tell you it feels nice. I don't have to play "the game" anymore (you lost). Sure I still try to impress her and make her love me as well as want me, but I don't have to constantly make a list of "things of awesomeness" to do every day.

Also you don't break up as easy. You get into a fight, your work that shit out. Marriage stops you from doing something stupid during a fight, it makes sure you have a cool head if your going to divorce. Plus, if you work your finances right you can come out better financially if your married thanks to the Bush tax cuts.

Only thing that I really have to complain about is the fact that women have given me more attention since I got married. Like they figure since I married at 23 I must be a good catch.

Yes, I definitely want to have a marriage and family of my own when i'm older. I dunno why, i just really desire it... it just seems nice.

Hanging a legal and financial contract on my emotions, well that seem like a brilliant idea, how could it ever go wrong...

Ice-cold and very insightful. I agree.

This is going to sound so emo but I can't imagine any woman finding me attractive.

Not because I'm a bottomless well of anguish and ennui that nobody will ever understand and life is shit anyway so why bother trying wah wah wahhhh, but because I'm socially awkward, I suck at conversation, my interests are obscure, and my looks are average at best.

Sure, I'm also smart, artistically talented, stable, honest, good with what money I do have, and have a good sense of humor, but those things kind of fall by the wayside because I don't have the tools I need to meet people and be likeable. Looks and conversation are how you get their interest. Keeping their interest is another matter, but if you can't make a good sales pitch at the door, you'll never be asked in for the full demo.

I'm not against marriage as an idea, in fact I'm all for it -- provided the people involved really mean it. Marriage is "you and me until we die." Way too many people are too weak, selfish, or dysfunctional to be good partners, or to stick it out through thick and thin. That is not the fault of the institution. It's the fault of all the people who go in without thinking, before they're ready, or who don't try hard enough.

Before considering marriage, I would have to meet someone. Someone who made me laugh as much as I made her laugh. Someone with whom I could comfortably share silence, conversation, dessert, a good movie, a spectacular sunset, and damn near anything else life has to offer. Someone at least as smart as I am, who could make my every brain cell percolate. Someone who listened when I spoke, not to be polite, but because she wanted to hear. Someone who made me feel like a superhero, or at least like I ought to be one. Someone who could destroy me with a single word. Someone upon whom I had the same effect. That's who I would marry.


Living Contradiction:

Inspiring post, thank you for that and my condolences for your loss.

Haven't really got anything else to add that this post doesn't already say.

You're welcome and thank you.

I hope to get married and have kids someday! But being on this site is quite discouraging due to most people here disliking and even outright loathing children. The hypocrisy is stunning.

Absolutely, the day i look forward to most is standing with my best friend looking on as my wife comes beautifully down the isle to live the rest of our lives together.

Johnny Impact:

Don't be so hard on yourself dude. I used to look like:

And was the most socially awkward person you could meet.

Now I look a lot better and have the confidence to get up on stage and do stand up comedy.

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