Love sucks.

I hate love. I hate it so much. I mainly hate how love and lust feel so similar. I have had roughly...three or four relationships out of seven that were based on sexual interest. I hate myself for this, big time. My most recent relationship started out loving and consensual and I was feeling good about it. Then sex came into the picture and ruined everything. This relationship has been going for 9 months strong and over the past month, it's been a bit bumpy. She suddenly lost her friends based off the time she spent with me, another guy came into the picture and she was deciding who to go to.

During this month, she rarely talked to me in person or online. We had one of those "cute paired names" on Steam, Joker and Harley Quinn, and she changed her name. Then on every other social site she used, she changed her relationship status to other, erased any trace of dating me and I was a bit confused. I mainly only used Steam, so it took me a while to notice the other things.

She didn't show any signs of doubt or hatred towards me; every time we talked everything was peachy. Here's where things got messy...A few weeks ago, I met a girl. She's younger than me by about two years, not that big of a deal. Her and I actually have a lot in common, more so than my the recent girlfriend. Upon meeting this girl, I lost all feeling for my girlfriend. I have none, what-so-ever. The relationship was practically dead. The only thing I wanted was sex from her.

I have confessed a lot of this to her, and she's just been fussing and saying that "I chose you, I can fix this, there's still a connection." And I doubt any of that is true...This new girl though, I don't want to have sex with her. As I've gotten to know her, I've started to like her. I'm not trying to push anything, but I know for a fact the feeling is mutual. The whole not wanting sex thing is actually important to me because every single relationship I've had, sex has been the problem and it's always been from my end, wanting too much of it.

Basic point, my love life is hell right now, I have no clue what to do. The first girl and I have been together a while, longer than most teenage relationships, and we've planned everything out...And I think that's the problem. I don't want to think about commitment right now. It scares me for the moment. I want to get my degree, get a job, and become an actor. I don't want to deal with this crap right now.

I don't mean to turn the Escapist into life consoling but I need some advice here...Actual, sound advice.

Well then, keep your dick in your pants for a while. Its not that hard.

I mean, seriously. Exercise a little self control.

Upon meeting this girl, I lost all feeling for my girlfriend. I have none, what-so-ever. The relationship was practically dead. The only thing I wanted was sex from her.

To be honest, if you're truly lost all interest in your girlfriend then perhaps it's best for both of you if you break up now, it's only going to hurt her more (if she still has feelings for you) the longer you hang-on.

And I think that's the problem. I don't want to think about commitment right now. It scares me for the moment. I want to get my degree, get a job, and become an actor. I don't want to deal with this crap right now.

Have you considered taking a break from serious relationships? I know the media constantly presents an image that everyone's always either in or looking for a relationship, and if they aren't then they're sad, but seriously you're a teenager, you have your whole life ahead of you with plenty of time for relationships later if you want to concentrate on your studies or career now.

You don't need to be in a relationship. If they are making you unhappy, stop.

Nothing wrong with being single for the time being, or for that matter forever or anything in between.

I once fell in love with a girl. It broke my heart when I found out Tali wasn't real.
*Sniff*
I need a hug.

So, you like sex with your current lass but don't want to be with her and like another lass but don't want sex with her....

Go for the lass you want to be with and wank.

Problem solved.

In all seriousness, what advice do you possibly hope to get?

It's your life, do what the fuck you want.

SmashLovesTitanQuest:
Well then, keep your dick in your pants for a while. Its not that hard.

I mean, seriously. Exercise a little self control.

Yep, trying that. I'm actually better now...much better. So that hopefully won't be a problem in the future.

JoJo:
To be honest, if you're truly lost all interest in your girlfriend then perhaps it's best for both of you if you break up now, it's only going to hurt her more (if she still has feelings for you) the longer you hang-on.

That's why I'm trying to do, but she insists to keep trying. At some point, I'm going to have to be a jerk and just break it off, leaving her happy or not.

Have you considered taking a break from serious relationships? I know the media constantly presents an image that everyone's always either in or looking for a relationship, and if they aren't then they're sad, but seriously you're a teenager, you have your whole life ahead of you with plenty of time for relationships later if you want to concentrate on your studies or career now.

I'm considering the break right now...It's probably for the best. I don't know why teenagers always think drama is key to living. I don't like it at all. I just want to get away from it and just pretend to be in drama, not experience it.

DrgoFx:
I don't mean to turn the Escapist into life consoling but I need some advice here...Actual, sound advice.

You probably should've taken this to the Advice Forum. People are obligated to be a lot nicer there.

Look, you're a teenager. Until your mid-twenties almost all of your relationships are going to be based, at least in some capacity, on sex. That's why you're getting into relationships in the first place, you have an a priori biological drive to reproduce. It can be colored by a lot of other things, but on a fundamental level you're always going to have at least a tertiary interest in some fuckin'. You are a human being. There's no getting away from it, so you might as well embrace it.

As for falling out of love with your current girlfriend, this happens all the time. It's going to happen some more, too. Relationships are never permanent. People come in and out of your life, and you take what you can from those relationships, and put what you can into them, and then when their time is up you let them go. There is nothing to panic over here, and you really don't need any advice beyond "all of this is perfectly normal".

RedBird:
I once fell in love with a girl. It broke my heart when I found out Tali wasn't real.
*Sniff*
I need a hug.

Tali's the only girl that will understand. /depressed mass effect fanboy

Rawne1980:
In all seriousness, what advice do you possibly hope to get?

It's your life, do what the fuck you want.

To start with, I like second opinions. I also needed to vent this out, and posting here is probably the best way currently.

DrgoFx:

RedBird:
I once fell in love with a girl. It broke my heart when I found out Tali wasn't real.
*Sniff*
I need a hug.

Tali's the only girl that will understand. /depressed mass effect fanboy

Then the worst part was when I found out Liara was fictional too. That was terrible.

From what you've said your 9 month relationship is dead. She changed her relationship status and wanted another guy and you have no feelings for her and want another girl, what else do you need? Sounds like you're only be together for nostalgia reasons.

You're teenagers, I really doubt you have it all planned out. It's great that the relationship has lasted this long but you're not married, I don't see the point in kicking a dead horse.

From my perspective, sex only becomes a problem in a relationship when it's the only thing holding the relationship together.

It's natural that you want a lot of sex but you have to consider her too, she may not want it as much as you and, especially considering her age, she may not want it at all. I don't think the answer is not having any sex with this new girl but trying not to pressure her when you do want it (not implying that you do or anything but some people do it without realizing or meaning too).

Also:
image

DrgoFx:

To start with, I like second opinions. I also needed to vent this out, and posting here is probably the best way currently.

Fair answer so i'll give my honest opinion, not advice though. While I may be in a good relationship I am far from an expert.

I will repeat what I said earlier first though, at the end of the day what happens affects you not us so do what YOU want not what anyone else tells you.

That said...

You have no emotional attachment to your current lass, good, you're a teenager. You have enough to worry about without bringing serious commitment into the fold. You like sex with her though? Great, as I said, you're a teen and most of us loved sex in our teen years ... bollocks to it i'm in my 30's now and I still love sex. Nothing wrong with that at all.

You like this other lass but don't want sex or commitment.

Buddy, that's what we call friendship.

No strings friendship. You get along but don't want anything else, leave it at that.

If you don't have feelings for your current girlfriend, then don't stay with her as it'll only hurt her more. It sounds like she doesn't really have that many for you either and so it's probably best to break it off now.

As for the second girl, since you don't want to have sex with her, why not just be really good friends?

Rawne1980:

DrgoFx:

To start with, I like second opinions. I also needed to vent this out, and posting here is probably the best way currently.

Fair answer so i'll give my honest opinion, not advice though. While I may be in a good relationship I am far from an expert.

I will repeat what I said earlier first though, at the end of the day what happens affects you not us so do what YOU want not what anyone else tells you.

That said...

You have no emotional attachment to your current lass, good, you're a teenager. You have enough to worry about without bringing serious commitment into the fold. You like sex with her though? Great, as I said, you're a teen and most of us loved sex in our teen years ... bollocks to it i'm in my 30's now and I still love sex. Nothing wrong with that at all.

You like this other lass but don't want sex or commitment.

Buddy, that's what we call friendship.

No strings friendship. You get along but don't want anything else, leave it at that.

It's not so much a friend feeling, it's more than that. I mean, I know what friendship feels like, and this isn't it. Most of my friends are female, to be honest, and none of them I've had sexual relations with. This girl is different. It's not so much I don't want sex with her at all, it's more so "You know what. I could care less about sex with her, it's not that important." As in I could live with out it. Does that clear things up a bit?

SpiralDots:
If you don't have feelings for your current girlfriend, then don't stay with her as it'll only hurt her more. It sounds like she doesn't really have that many for you either and so it's probably best to break it off now.

Well that's the thing, shortly before I met the second girl and lost all feeling for the first, she just all of a sudden went "You know what. I love you. You're better than any other guy in the world." And that's about the only reason I'm contemplating this.

As for the second girl, since you don't want to have sex with her, why not just be really good friends?

I guess want is a bad word choice. It's not that I don't want sex with her, it's that I don't NEED it. I've needed it in every other relationship, here not so much. As for everything else, it feels more than a friend thing...But again, I don't want to push things. Pushing things is bad. If I'm still in touch with her after college, then I'll most definitely try something.

DrgoFx:
... because every single relationship I've had, sex has been the problem and it's always been...

You're doing it wrong. Hope this helps. =)

Sorry.

Seriously, stop over-thinking things. I'll bet everything seemed clearer when you wrote it down. It's good that you vented it out but you really know what to do. Rawne and Colour hit the nail on the head.

 

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