I wish I was a gay man...(updated on Page 4)

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Hear me out on this.

I'm a straight woman, in her mid 30's and often it feels like I've been thrown into the wrong body, and that I'm pretty much doomed to heterosexuality.

Perhaps I'm being overly nieve, perhaps I'm being overly romantic about this, but it seems to me like gay man, and gay male relationships are always so strong, and so loving. Every time you see them in movies and games they always seem so true, and so much more real thin the overplayed hetro relationships. They seem to have more of a connection, and a closeness.

It looks lie it's real 'true love'.

I have no desire to produce offspring, I don't really want to be a 'wife', and my love for male things (like games and action moves) seemed to have put me out of the running for any normal male affections, and really I often recoil at 'typical' hetro romances in books and media.

What is wrong with me? Is their something wrong with me? Are my assumptions about gay male love correct?

I just feel so itchy, and so...ugh...in the skin that I am in...i wish I could change it. I wish I could be 'better'.

(Update...also posted on page 4)

A development....of sorts...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/03/denmark-gay-bar-straight-kissing-_n_1475445.html?ref=gay-voices

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/04/separatist-policies-benefit-harm-lgbt_n_1477697.html?ref=gay-voices

More and more I fear, getting into a relationship, with a man. I mean I desire men, but now I feel that it's wrong, and that if I do, I will become the enemy of LGBTQ people.

I struggle with a sexuality that I'm now beginning to actively loathe....I don't know what to think anymore....I don't want to be a foe.

It's so hard, not to wish, I was a gay man.

Have you considered surgery or something along those lines?

And I wouldn't base your perceptions of Gay relationships off of movies. Everything and everyone are always going to be different, with a lot of variety. I've know gay guys who only want relationships, and I've known gay guys who only sleep around

I've thought about surgery but, I'd never be a real guy, an even then it would not be genuine. I just wish I could walk into a tank,and walk out a man....*sigh*

I just wish...I don't know...I just wish I had the true love that gay men had. It seems so ideal, so real, and gay male life seems so exciting and romantic.

Ha, that's quite a stereotypical view on homosexual life there buddy. Not like it's your fault just I don't know, not different than heterosexuality in love ways we struggle with it. Also being a gay guy doesn't make your life exciting and romantic. We just like guys I don't think there is a difference.

Valis88:
I've thought about surgery but, I'd never be a real guy, an even then it would not be genuine. I just wish I could walk into a tank,and walk out a man....*sigh*

I just wish...I don't know...I just wish I had the true love that gay men had. It seems so ideal, so real, and gay male life seems so exciting and romantic.

Do you actually know men that are in gay romantic relationships or was your perception crafted this way after viewing said romances in film or books?

Love is not confined to any type of relationship, in my view, it's a universal emotion that can be shared between any two people regardless of what their sexes are. The actual value of *true* love remains the same whether it be two men, two women or a man and a women (in my opinion).

"I am not gay, although I wish I were, just to piss off homophobes." -Kurt Cobain

I think you're looking at this in a pretty stereotypical and one-sided way. Your... 'opinion' on gay relationships is based off of media and literature, so far as I can tell.

You want to be a gay man....because they seem to have good relationships in movies and video games?

Err, okay. I suppose if you get a gender-changing surgery, you'll be helping the economy, at least.

I'm going to suggest that you see a psychologist.

Bear with me a second, I'm not suggesting that you're crazy, but it does seem clear that you have some emotional issues that need to be talked about with someone just a bit more professional than you will be able to find here.

If nothing else, you should be able to find out for certain whether you have genuine Gender Identity Disorder, which can be dealt with with or without surgery, or simply a case of very low self esteem that you've subconsciously chosen to associate with your body, which is generally even easier to deal with than the former case.

Like others here, I would suggest avoiding using the media to judge any relationship by, whether gay or straight, they don't tend to reflect reality on a reliable basis.

AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Heh he heh
Hooo
You're funny.

But seriously having both people in a male homosexual relationship live in my house individually at different times (it's complicated) I can tell you now that they will whine and bitch about each other far more than I hear straight any people do.

Chased:
Love is not confined to any type of relationship, in my view, it's a universal emotion that can be shared between any two people regardless of what their sexes are. The actual value of *true* love remains the same whether it be two men, two women or a man and a women (in my opinion).

I agree with this. Love is a feeling that you can get towards anyone, (in some cases anything) yet there are different kinds of love. That romantic "holly wood" love is only felt when you meet the right person that complements you in a way. Just got to keep your eyes out for that one person that makes you feel special.

Valis88:
Hear me out on this.
I have no desire to produce offspring, I don't really want to be a 'wife', and my love for male things (like games and action moves) seemed to have put me out of the running for any normal male affections, and really I often recoil at 'typical' hetro romances in books and media.

If someone can't love you because of your interests. Then they're not for you. My boyfriend loves me for who I am and I'm into games, comics, and action/horror moves.

Well it'snot just video games and the media, plenty of editorials, blogs, and news posts about the gay life makes it seem so ideal and so desirable. I mean there is such a real Pride to being gay, and gay live seems to mean so much compared to being a...well a 'breeder'.

In games, when given the chance, I actively avoid straight choices and relationships. It just seems so....ugh...to me now.

@Heronblade: Perhaps I will look into talking to someone. I've always felt more of an affinity with men, and it's gotten stronger the older I get.

Yeah, I gotta tell you, having quite a few gay friends their relationships are just as screwed up as everyone else's. Straight couples definitely don't have a monopoly on relationship drama.

I'd say, if you want a relationship with a guy that has similar interests as you you may not be looking in the right places. I have a ton of customers that would LOVE a girl who was into gaming and geek culture in general...and have no interest in kids and whatnot.

As for the not feeling right in your own skin, the brain is a very complicated thing and I've never believed things as nuanced as sexuality, self identity and attraction are that hard for the brain to not quite get right. It's certainly not abnormal but you may want to seek professional help with someone who specializes in gender identity issues.

Valis88:
Well it'snot just video games and the media, plenty of editorials, blogs, and news posts about the gay life makes it seem so ideal and so desirable. I mean there is such a real Pride to being gay, and gay live seems to mean so much compared to being a...well a 'breeder'.

In games, when given the chance, I actively avoid straight choices and relationships. It just seems so....ugh...to me now.

@Heronblade: Perhaps I will look into talking to someone. I've always felt more of an affinity with men, and it's gotten stronger the older I get.

*sign* its the opposite for me, i know how hard it feels im gay and bi and i wish i was a girl.

Valis88:
.well a 'breeder'.

Did you honestly just use that term? Wow.

You're just pissed off because you're normal. Gay relationships have the same problems as hetero relationships and the added pressure of a large portion of society still not being entirely comfortable with their sexuality. Most places, if you hold hands in public, you're gonna get a few stares. Although that seems to be exactly what you want.

Being a woman and liking games and action films isn't uncommon. I don't see how that makes you undesirable to men.

Valis88:
@Heronblade: Perhaps I will look into talking to someone. I've always felt more of an affinity with men, and it's gotten stronger the older I get.

Please do, a person I met a few years ago who is now a good friend of mine has/had GID, in this case a physical male that identified as a female, from the sound of it a bit more strongly than you currently do. She refused help for nearly a decade after she started having issues and made the mistake of admitting her feelings to people who did not care to understand. By the time I met her, she was ostracized and/or verbally abused by nearly everyone in her life, and was scarred from multiple suicide attempts. This was in a fairly Christian heavy part of America if you're wondering, god's love my ass.

She's doing much better now with the help of a good psychiatrist and a few supporting friends like myself, and is on her way to becoming a woman in form as well as mind, but is a long way from being healed in mind, and I don't care to relate how often I thought I'd be attending her funeral, simply because she was too scared to ask for help before it was almost too late.

EDIT: Also, what Ninja said below. Any decisions you make along this line can have a BIG impact on your life, and a large portion of the possible consequences can be decidedly negative. I suppose the best single piece of advice would be to remain both calm and cautious, and think very carefully before making a choice.

Valis88:
Hear me out on this.

I'm a straight woman, in her mid 30's and often it feels like I've been thrown into the wrong body, and that I'm pretty much doomed to heterosexuality.

Perhaps I'm being overly nieve, perhaps I'm being overly romantic about this, but it seems to me like gay man, and gay male relationships are always so strong, and so loving. Every time you see them in movies and games they always seem so true, and so much more real thin the overplayed hetro relationships. They seem to have more of a connection, and a closeness.

It looks lie it's real 'true love'.

I have no desire to produce offspring, I don't really want to be a 'wife', and my love for male things (like games and action moves) seemed to have put me out of the running for any normal male affections, and really I often recoil at 'typical' hetro romances in books and media.

What is wrong with me? Is their something wrong with me? Are my assumptions about gay male love correct?

I just feel so itchy, and so...ugh...in the skin that I am in...i wish I could change it. I wish I could be 'better'.

Well, you're clearly not happy in your current situation, and ultimately what you do with your life is your decision to make.

However...

The sort of change you seem to be considering is a very, very big deal indeed. Something that you do not want to make based on your perception of other people's relationships. Even then, don't do it thinking that it will just magically fix all your problems, because everyone, and I mean everyone, has their fair share of damage.

I know quite a few gay people. Hell, I've dabbled in it myself (although in conclusion I'd say I'm mostly straight, just with a slight curious side), and let me tell you, gay relationships are not inherently any easier or more loving than straight ones. What you're perceiving (I think) is the 'us against the world' mentality that originates from back when being gay left you pretty much isolated from everyone except other gay people. Yes, some relationships do become stronger and more loving under these conditions, but just as many break under the pressure. It's a perfectly legitimate lifestyle to hold or aspire to, but don't let the romanticism effect of the media and your own outside perspective con you into thinking it's easy.

Homophobia still exists in our society far more than we'd care to admit, and the stigma around sex changes is an issue the human race has barely even got round to yet. The choice is yours, but, if this is the path you choose it will be tough. There will be a backlash, and even if you get through all of that I don't personally think you'll find what you seem to be looking for.

The vague point I'm rambling towards is... Your life is your own. Don't let anybody flat out forbid you from going your own way and making your own choices. However, if this is what you choose and it turns out to be a mistake, it could ruin your life, and to me you really don't seem like your in the right place emotionally to make such a big decision.

Oh, and if you do decide you are sure. You'd better have a good support system around you. People you know will stick by you no matter what. You'll need that. I hope this helps. :)

Edit: Also, on a slightly more crass note... buttsecks hurts. I mean, there's thing you can do to make it easier, and it gets better over time (if you stick with it long enough, which I didn't really), but... well, it can be pretty brutal.

Hello V.

I was wondering if you could answer a couple of questions for me. Though you say that it seems that male homosexual couples seem to be in the more ideal emotionally charged relationships, could you please explain to me how you've arrived at this conclusion? I mean is it something that you've noticed in real life or is this a media driven perspective?

Also I was wondering if your desire for gender reassignment surgery is also driven by other issues that you are having with yourself or is it only driven by this perspective about male homosexual relationships?

Finally, the typical heterosexual relationships portrayed in media are false realities. Remember it is the job of media to catch your interest and keep it. A purely loving relationship that has no issues makes for a boring story.

Finally (for real this time). I'm not sure why your interests should preclude you from having a loving relationship. Are you turned off by males that hold similar interests as you or do you think that there is no man in the world that could love you the way you are? If this is true there may be stronger unlying issues that only a professional can help resolve.

If I'm way off base here or think that my questions are a bit too personal, feel free to slap the crap outta me.

Valis88:
Every time you see [gay, male relationships] in movies and games they always seem so true, and so much more real thin the overplayed hetero relationships. They seem to have more of a connection, and a closeness.

Gay rights are a new thing in society, so of course media presentations of gay couples are going to be positive; no one wants to alienate the demographic. I'd actually accuse most popular media of idealizing gay relationships because developers are afraid if they depict gay relationships as being less than perfect, then they (the developers) will face accusations of homophobia or having a political agenda saying gay relationships are somehow doomed.

Gay people are people. Being gay does not somehow immunize them from being as immature, selfish, or stupid as the next straight person you see. Gay relationships--real gay relationships, not the fictionalized ones you seem so enamored with--will be as rocky, messy, and painful as straight relationships.

I can't criticize you for wanting to escape into a fantasy of magically being some different person, but treating movies and video games as accurate models of, well, anything is just setting yourself up for disappointment.

Valis88:
Every time you see them in movies and games they always seem so true, and so much more real thin the overplayed hetro relationships. They seem to have more of a connection, and a closeness.

It looks lie it's real 'true love'.

...

Please make this be a sarcastic commentary on the portrayal of LGBT people in the media that hasn't quite worked.

JimB:
Gay rights are a new thing in society, so of course media presentations of gay couples are going to be positive; no one wants to alienate the demographic. I'd actually accuse most popular media of idealizing gay relationships because developers are afraid if they depict gay relationships as being less than perfect, then they (the developers) will face accusations of homophobia or having a political agenda saying gay relationships are somehow doomed.

Really? We must be looking at very different media sources then.

In my experience, the gay relationship is one tacked on to the supporting characters to show how inclusive the writers are, and gets overlooked at best.

Well, except when they think that hawt lesbians will increase the ratings.

That's kind of how I feel when I look at this guy...

Seriously, though - don't worry, there's nothing wrong with you. However you feel is just how you feel, no need to justify it.

Not sure about all gay male relationships being like in the movies - I'm sure like everything, there are plenty of more imperfect ones as well in real life.

So I'm a breeder if Im not repulsed by the idea of having a child? No offence but you do need to seek help, either with gender issues or just a great sense of self loathing you seem to have. As others have said if its a gender identity issue that is something to be dealt with but a lot of your argument is that you dont feel you're good enough to be considered a woman.

I'm nearly 30, dont want kids just yet but would like one in the future, and am a massive nerd who gets along exponentially better with guys than girls. Sure I sometimes feel displaced, but its just who i am.

Valis88:
Hear me out on this.

I'm a straight woman, in her mid 30's and often it feels like I've been thrown into the wrong body, and that I'm pretty much doomed to heterosexuality.

Perhaps I'm being overly nieve, perhaps I'm being overly romantic about this, but it seems to me like gay man, and gay male relationships are always so strong, and so loving. Every time you see them in movies and games they always seem so true, and so much more real thin the overplayed hetro relationships. They seem to have more of a connection, and a closeness.

It looks lie it's real 'true love'.

Uh... I think you're doing a disservice to the LGBT community to be idealizing their relationships like that. I don't know lots of gay people, but I do know at least one gay guy who's had trouble with his boyfriends. Also a lesbian who got dumped by her fiancee without a word, though admittedly you only mentioned gay men.

Also have you looked at any *real* gay relationships? Seriously, looking at movies and games is a terrible way to learn what actually goes on in society. I mean, that you'd even suggest that makes me unsure if this is all a joke,

I have no desire to produce offspring, I don't really want to be a 'wife', and my love for male things (like games and action moves) seemed to have put me out of the running for any normal male affections, and really I often recoil at 'typical' hetro romances in books and media.

No desire to produce offspring happens.

Not wanting to be a wife needs a bit more explanation I think. You sound like you want romance and it sounds like you'd possibly want to be married. Is there something in particular about being a wife that you think seems bad? Or is it just marriage?

Liking 'male' things isn't a problem really. Some guys like that or don't mind. Hopefully most.

And recoiling at books and media shouldn't matter much.

What is wrong with me? Is their something wrong with me? Are my assumptions about gay male love correct?

I think your perceptions are skewed is all.

I just feel so itchy, and so...ugh...in the skin that I am in...i wish I could change it. I wish I could be 'better'.

For this, do you think you might be transgender or something?

You sound like a 17 year old girl to me, no offence, but as I read your post all I'm thinking of is a teenage girl crying "forever alone!" on her Facebook status.

huh really?

I get the steryotype that while being a gay man can be awsome (sex sex sex sex SEX!!!) aparently monogmy is less of a thing

but then again thats just gross generalisation and I dont know anything on the topic

Vault101:
huh really?

I get the steryotype that while being a gay man can be awsome (sex sex sex sex SEX!!!) aparently monogmy is less of a thing

but then again thats just gross generalisation and I dont know anything on the topic

I have to say, that's the only stereotype I've seen too. Not as in I actually see it in effect, but it's the only one that comes to mind as something people say. Haven't seen a particular 'positive' one. Though stereotypes in general are something I'd avoid, either positive or negative. The whole idea has flaws.

I've never seen anything to support homosexual men having stronger relationships, I think a lot of them are simply more reluctant to seek new partners when they outgrow each other for the simple fact that it's a lot harder to find a gay partner than a straight one.

I think most homosexuals end up being kind of lonely in the end, as they grow old and their libido declines, most tend to end up single for the remainder of their lives, they will always have friends and assorted relatives, but never a direct family of their own. Very few end up even adopting children to raise as their own. Though, I suppose it's not out of the question to adopt as a single parent, but it would be costly.

laughinggod:

Valis88:
Well it'snot just video games and the media, plenty of editorials, blogs, and news posts about the gay life makes it seem so ideal and so desirable. I mean there is such a real Pride to being gay, and gay live seems to mean so much compared to being a...well a 'breeder'.

In games, when given the chance, I actively avoid straight choices and relationships. It just seems so....ugh...to me now.

@Heronblade: Perhaps I will look into talking to someone. I've always felt more of an affinity with men, and it's gotten stronger the older I get.

*sign* its the opposite for me, i know how hard it feels im gay and bi and i wish i was a girl.

I don't think you can be gay and bi... By definition bisexual is being attracted towards both Male and Females. Saying you're 'gay and bi' is the same as saying 'i'm gay and gay and straight'.

OT: What you're envious of is just the ideal relationship, but it just so happens that those ideal relationships you see are gay ones. I know a few gay people and i'll tell you that they're no different than my straight friends. They're relationships are no different either.

That's understandable, some men wish they were a lesbian.

In addition to everyone else's points about how your views of homosexual relationships seems to be largely erroneous (they're really not so different from us heteros), bear in mind that if you were a gay male your potential pool of partners would be astronomically cut.

Think about it. The earth's population of straight men exceeds the population of gay men by many many times; so if you're looking for your soul mate or anything, you'll have a much much MUCH better chance of finding him, statistically speaking, in a straight man.

Unless... you're thinking gay is your "destiny" or something silly like that.

Also, might I remark, I doubt you'd be entirely happy with the result of SRS if you started it now. The earlier a transexual gets the work done, the smoother the process, especially if it's done before puberty.

I suspect this is a relatively recent thing, like you didn't have these feelings until you started developing sexually or sometime after?

Aerosteam 1908:
That's understandable, some men wish they were a lesbian.

Yes but... usually only in fantasy. Typically it has nothing to do with transexualism and those men wouldn't be happy if they were actually women.

Not that mtf straight men don't exist, it's just more often not the case in regards to lesbian fantasies.

Straight guys can be passionate to : [

Aerosteam 1908:
That's understandable, some men wish they were a lesbian.

What sane man would give up his power to pee standing up so that he could have tits of his own? Yes, the latter may seem nice for a little while, but when you go to the restroom and realize you're going to have to sit down to take a piss you'll just come crying back to the rest of the peeing standing up population (note- this joke is obviously not meant to have anything to do with actual transsexuals).

I think you just have a very romanticized view of homosexual relationships. People seem to focus so much on how "okay" they are, and supporting them (which is good), but this seems to create the idea that homosexual relationships are perfect and stronger than other relationships. Which might be somewhat true due to the shared struggle, but honestly, if you think homosexual relationships are perfect, you must have not met many homosexuals.

If you like penis, then you were born as the ideal gender for it, you'll never have to worry about homophobia, and most people would argue that you'll have a lot more potential mates. I can't speak for myself, but not all straight guys are assholes. Just most of us ;)

The gist that I'm getting here is that you want the following:

A strong and loving relationship

AND

Something to feel pride in

Why do either have to involve being male and/or gay? :3 As others have said, thee seems to have a very idealized impression of the lifestyle, one listen to the song "September's Children" by rise against + music video will show it's not all roses and sunshine.

Just strive for what thee wants, don't sugarcoat it with idealized images ^^

And as others have suggested, you might identify as a male :3

I'm sure homosexual relationships can be just as bad as heterosexual relationships, what gender you prefer does not automatically guarantee you a loving and healthy relationship.

im going to hell for this but... hit the gym and get a strap on and no one will notice! /joke

in all seriousness wanting to have a sex change because you like masculine things seams kind of over the top to me, and i have limited experience with gay people but see no logical reason why a gay relationship would be any more loving than a straight relationship.

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