Didn't we already have like fifty of these threads?

Also to the guy who posted the XKCD strip: That comic is kinda poking fun at the guys who believe in the friend zone, not sure if you got that. (I may just be misinterpreting your post of course).

I wonder if this will get unpleasant...
well my captcha is foregone conclusion, how weirdly appropriate.

Apparently the friend zone is far more complicated than I thought.

To me it was always just a term when a girl told you she wanted to be "just friends", no matter how it got to that point. Call me naive, but I was unaware of all the other connotation and assumptions that came with it.

For instance, I wasn't aware that using the term would mean I have rejection issues, I thought it was just a specific form of rejection.

I was unaware it was only used by people who schemed to force a girl to like them, a la the XKCD comic.

I'm too exhausted to think up more

back when i was in like early 7th grade (i know thats pretty young for a real relationship) i was bestfriends with this girl, who i also had a huuuge crush on, and she would always tell me that no girl would ever turn me down and blah blah blah, so when i asked her out, she said she could never see me as more than a brother. hence i got friendzoned majorly

As a man who has been put in the friendzone by every girl he's ever been attracted to, your points are invalid. Guys do not think that every girl they are attracted to should reciprocate, nor do we think that relationships can never sprout from friendships. The fact is, once a person classifies you as a friend, it is difficult to get them to change that. It is equally hard to ruin a friendship as it is to go from friendzone to dating. Also, the "friendzone" comes from the infuriating tendancy of girls you are friends with saying that they want their boyfriends to be just like you, which is crap. They want them to be as nice as you, but to still be hot, outgoing, and in general be the head of the football team without being the asshole.

Why do I even participate in these threads? You won't believe me no matter what I say, but anyone, male or female, who has been in the friendzone knows that it is a very real thing.

Also, I love the argument about just being friends with them to get in their pants. I have known a lot of people who have been stuck in the friendzone, and not one of them broke off the friendship once it was clear they wouldn't get sex. That's not being in the frienzone, that's getting turned down by a girl you like and saying you're in the friendzone.

Think about it, the friendzone is inescapable, but if you start acting like an asshole the minute she turns you down, your not going to stay as one of his/her friends, so you won't stay in the friendzone. Real friendzoners get shot down and continue to be his/her friend despite the heartrending pain of being her friend while wanting to be more and watching her date guys who do nothing but emotionally abuse her because they are too nice to ditch her like a bad habit.

In short, the friendzone is a product of stupidity on both sides, as is any argument about i(yes, I include myself in that)

I don't see why people get so up in arms about this.

For one, I disagree with your definition of the friend zone. I think it's much more basic than that. It's just a term to describe two people who are close, and one of them has feelings for the other who doesn't share the same romantic feelings. It's not a negative thing. It doesn't mean the guy is a passive aggressive douchebag who is angry about the girl not reciprocating back.

It's just a term to describe a relationship.

And I've been in the situation. I've actually managed to be one of those guys who broke out of the alleged friend zone. Didn't end well.

Lilani:
Also, here's a bit of "girl code" I'm going to let you in on. If you do outright tell a girl you like her, and she says she just wants to stay friends then that does NOT mean she hasn't considered it. That is her way of saying "I don't like you that way" without ruining your friendship with the harsh wording. It means exactly that--she wants to stay friends. She is not interested.

Oh, dang. I thought when a girl said that, it meant, "Awwwwwwww hell naw, fool." 'Cause afterwards, it feels awkward when we hang out. Like they don't wanna be around me.

At that point, I say peace and keep it movin'. But what you say kinda throws a wrench in my theory. I guess I can't say you're wrong, since you know... you're a girl.

GobbieGoldchain:

Lilani:
Also, here's a bit of "girl code" I'm going to let you in on. If you do outright tell a girl you like her, and she says she just wants to stay friends then that does NOT mean she hasn't considered it. That is her way of saying "I don't like you that way" without ruining your friendship with the harsh wording. It means exactly that--she wants to stay friends. She is not interested.

Oh, dang. I thought when a girl said that, it meant, "Awwwwwwww hell naw, fool." 'Cause afterwards, it feels awkward when we hang out. Like they don't wanna be around me.

At that point, I say peace and keep it movin'. But what you say kinda throws a wrench in my theory. I guess I can't say you're wrong, since you know... you're a girl.

....aaaaand this is where I have to mention a misconception some people have assumed in this thread.

"If person A doesn't accept the friendship and opts to move on instead, that means they were only friends with person B to get into their pants to begin with."

That's not true, you see. Sure, there are some people who will act that way for some reason or the other, but it's far from the general rule. Because, agreeing with the post I'm replying too, yes, these kinds of "friendzone friendships" tend to get quite awkward and uncomfortable at start at least, because then there's a lot of that "What can and can't I do now. Can I still hug them? Or offer to buy them a drink?". It just gets all blurry and messy and awkward.

Eh, same old, except this time we are down to only one person that still clings to the friendzone concept. I guess that's progress.

Also, I can see the point about being frank and honest with people, but I can also think of reasons for letting down a potentially creepy person that thinks you should be together a bit gently.

Combine Rustler:
ARGH FUCK MY FUCKING TOOTH HURTS GRARH
FUCK THIS SHIT AAAARGGHHHGHGHFUCKWHORE

Yeah, OP has some pretty good points, even if he's just stating the obvious. Yes, I said he.
Also, as someone is sure to have pointed out by now, what this really means is that the guy isn't pretty enough for the girl.
You're not a fucking space poet. You're a shallow, meaningless human shell. Stop lying to yourself.

Most of these posts I'm not going to reply to because I'd just be repeating what I said in the OP...but, what? I am so confused. From what I'm reading here, you aren't convinced I'm a female, and you've somehow boiled this down to attractiveness which I don't believe I ever mentioned in the OP. Just...what?

Just to put this into another perspective for you guys don't view the friend zone as everything you state above the only thing that makes a friend zone a friend zone is if the girl you like says "Sorry I like you as a friend" or "I don't want to ruin our friendship" everything else you stated in the op really doesn't have much to do with the being put in the friend zone it has everything to do with relationship drama though.

This part isn't directed at you lilani:

On that note I have been friend zoned more times than I care to admit in high school and college. The first few times it hurt pretty bad and its hard to get out of that cycle of not wanting to give up and regretting it and just cutting your loses. After a while it didn't bother me as much but I will tell you what did and this isn't an isolated incident with me. I have had friends in college and new friends I made after I moved away from college and even older gentlemen coworkers(seriously is this a rite of passage for men because I don't think I have ever met a man that has not been friend zoned at least once. Not to say its impossible) tell me that the girls did this same thing to them and that is. Talk about her boyfriend AFTER you confessed your feelings for her whether it was 2 weeks or 2 months I really don't think this is kosher this is like if the girl came back from her mothers funeral and you said "sucks about your mom but hey if it makes you feel any better my mom is healthy and is going to live a long time oh did I say it sucks about your mom"

Even if you are over her it seems that girls figure that after you confess that they can do nothing but complain about things and not do the fun things that made you friends in the first place and still stay friends.

TL;DR Friendzoned = girl saying lets stay friends thats it.
Girls its not okay to talk about your boyfriend to the guy who confessed to you.
If a guy confesses to you don't treat him like a bitch towel and do the things that made you friends to begin with.

I dunno, I think the "friend zone" exists to an extent, but it doesn't mean I want to hear whining about it. Nor is it a solid rule, it affects maybe 30-40% of women, by my estimate, although judging this is impossible. Also, it's a two way street, there are men who "friend zone" women.

I once liked a girl, but was too pussy to ask her out. She kept hitting on me, but I didn't return her advances for a good two years, by that time, she had moved on. Just a few weeks ago, she told me she was banging a guy "just like me". Turns out the guy was only interested in the sex, and even that interest faded quick. Now she's friend zoned.

I could have been a cynical asshole and state "karma", but instead I manned up and played shrink. I realized that we really don't have that much in common, nor would we work out well. We just had some kind of attraction. It's called growing up, and is what most people who shout "FRIENDZONE" need to do.

You see, there is an intrinsic problem with all of this.

Lilani:
the basic theory is this: If you are friends with a girl you like, she will not notice or consider your interest because you are friends.

In her mind, you are a friend and ONLY a friend, never to be considered as anything else.

As a female

Guys, I have some bad news for you. Just because you like a girl, it doesn't mean she's going to like you back.

I feel like this "friend zone" is nothing more the invention of insecure guys who either don't understand how relationships work, or can't get up the gumption to get up and do something about the girl they are pining over.

If you like a girl, then do something about it. If she doesn't reciprocate, then just pack up and move on.

Just picked a few key bits from your little speech there that show you don't understand the 'friend zone' as you call it.

-Rolls his eyes and lets out an exasperated sigh-

If you ask me, which no-one ever will (and probably for good reason), these recurring threads about "friendzones", "nice guys" and all the other rejection phenomena out there are becoming rather boring and a wee bit maudling.
Last I looked this was, by and large, a nerd site/forum; us nerds know we are useless when it comes to relationships and that's why there is an air of resignation. This endless whining and whinging is more reminicent of my (short) time spent on emo sites.

Humans are complex and will find more and more inventive ways of categorising, and more importantly polarising, the nuances of behaviour instead of just realising we are all odd and different.

Generalising rant over. :P

EDIT: Would like to offer kudos to Elate, good point well made. :D

Point number 3 is bullshit. I've done it.

I'm several years older than the OP, but I agree with her, and personally cannot be friends with girls that I am attracted to, because sooner or later I will let them know and if they do not respond it kinda all ends there, together with the friendship. It doesn't mean that I don't like them anymore just because they won't sleep with me, it's just that after that fact has been revealed I feel bad about myself when I'm around them, and when you are with friends you are supposed to feel comfortable I think. So, yeah, the "Let's just be friends" thing unfortunately does not work for me, I know that others don't mind though and that's fine too.

You know what? Thank you. Most other 'friend zone' threads I've seen on here haven't exactly been encouraging on the whole 'asking out a female friend' front; usually making me feel like a massive creep (for not telling her how I feel straight away) or that I'm always going to fail miserably.

Das Boot:

Yosharian:

Just picked a few key bits from your little speech there that show you don't understand the 'friend zone' as you call it.

Well actually this right here

I feel like this "friend zone" is nothing more the invention of insecure guys who either don't understand how relationships work, or can't get up the gumption to get up and do something about the girl they are pining over.

is pretty much what the friend zone is. Its something made up by delusional guys.

I would just write 'k.' but clearly I'm going to be reported for that, so I have to write something a bit longer. But really, just 'k'.

Lilani:
If you've been on the Internet for more than a few hours, I'm sure you've probably heard something about this mysterious "friend zone" so many guys apparently get trapped in.

Guys "get trapped in"?

You define the amount of sex in a relationship from the time you meet. That's when the clock starts ticking. You can lie to yourself about "changing your mind later," but it's still clearly defined.

To be perfectly honest, the only reason you've been confined to the friend zone, is because you CLEARLY like her, and she not so clearly doesn't like you.

There is no other logical explanation. The only one that comes close is that she can't decide between two males. But the friend zone in that respect isn't necessary at all.

The friend zone is a bullshit female social tactic intended to snub unwanted male attention quickly and painlessly and most importantly, efficiently. (For them and related parties anyway.)

But they surely must know that it destroys men's souls...

Lilani:
Also, here's a bit of "girl code"

The fact that there's a "code" at all is about 95% of the problem. There shouldn't be a code. Just say stuff flat out. If I decide to honestly tell a woman how I feel and ask her out, she could at least respect me enough to be just as honest.

It is not asking a lot to hear the words "No, sorry. I just don't have those types of feelings for you."

Or hell, you can even leave out the "sorry" since that's usually not true, anyways (sorry, couldn't resist. I know that made me sound bitter)

Sometimes a friendship gets let go if there's nothing there, but a good one can stick around, even if you have romantic feelings. Truth be told, I've actually reverse friendzoned a few girls before (meaning I asked them out a few times, they said no, we stayed friends and then years later they asked me out and I said no because I did just see them as friends at that point)

Can we stop beating a dead horse already? Its time we put the damn thing into the ground already.