Fellas, What would you do?

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Uh, I don't see why you'd dump her, I really don't. I mean, if you get along with her, why would suddenly finding out her career change anything? Am I not getting something here? I just don't see the issue.

HardkorSB:

ameemo:
Let's take this hypothetical situation, what would you do if you found out that the girl you've fallen for and been going out with for a while is a stripper? would it be wrong to just dump her and never speak to her again because you judged her before you got to know the situation she's in and offer her support? or do you have the right to break up with her knowing that she did not trust you enough to tell you(in essence making her own judgement) and the thought of all the guys that have seen and touched her would is just unbearable?

It would be impossible to date her only if you were one of those oversensitive insecure guys who think that stripping is the "gateway drug" to prostitution.

I don't think it's really over-sensitive to get jealous of your girlfriend getting naked and dancing in another man's lap. If I was going out with a girl who did that, I'd find it pretty hard not to feel funny about it at first. I'd probably get over it (depending on how well our relationship was going) but not everyone is as liberal as I am towards such things and not everyone should have to be if they're not comfortable with it.

Not that wouldn't date a stripper on principle, but I'd certainly be more offended by the fact that they hid their job from me if we'd been going out for a reasonable amount of time: the fact that they were hiding it indicates that they thought it was something that would have upset me, yet they chose to keep it secret.

I'd break up with her as I personally disagree with the profession, but that's purely personal

As long as she's strict with the "look but don't touch" rule, I'd be fine with it.

Uh, I'd be super pissed she didn't tell me earlier so I could go to the club and watch her grind on guys and girls. I sorta get off on stuff like that.

She might not have told you cos she was worried about your reaction if she had ie. you dumping her.

I don't see why I'd dump her just for that. Seems a kinda OTT and unnecessary reaction. It's just another job

I'd ask her about it, being a stripper is not a real reason to break up with someone, but their reason for it may well be. And if it makes you uncomfortable I see no reason why you shouldn't ask her to stop.

She is lieing and stripping that does not sound like good girlfriend material.

savageoblivi0n:

TheBobmus:

krazykidd:

right. Because getting a definition for a person who is apparently ignorant , in turn makes me ignorant . Love that logic man . Anyways, i'm done . Have fun changing definitions to your personal liking.

I'm not ignorant, I know the definition of the word 'promiscuous', and just told you what it is. You tried to correct me when I was right all along, and continued to do so. My logic is sound - you jumped in to correct me on the definition of the word promiscuous, but in telling me had to look the word up on Wikipedia yourself, meaning you challenged me on my grasp of the English language without knowing the precise definition of the word you were calling me out on. Bad move.

oh lord...lets just put an end to the whole thing right now...Wikipedia's not a good enough source...alright then...

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/promiscuous?s=t

pro·mis·cu·ous   [pruh-mis-kyoo-uhs] Show IPA
adjective
1.
characterized by or involving indiscriminate mingling or association, especially having sexual relations with a number of partners on a casual basis.
2.
consisting of parts, elements, or individuals of different kinds brought together without order.
3.
indiscriminate; without discrimination.
4.
casual; irregular; haphazard.

Promiscuous in the way you're trying to use it refers to sexual relations, i.e. actually having sex with someone..A dancer is not necessarily promiscuous, end of.

OT: I've dated a stripper before, they make good money, as others have said the problem would be wondering why she felt the need to hide it, and my reaction would be dependent on the reason

1. characterized by or involving indiscriminate mingling or association

I like how your post contradicts your point.

Brag. And then tell her that I'd be upset if she let them get to handsy. Then brag again.

ameemo:
Let's take this hypothetical situation, what would you do if you found out that the girl you've fallen for and been going out with for a while is a stripper? would it be wrong to just dump her and never speak to her again because you judged her before you got to know the situation she's in and offer her support? or do you have the right to break up with her knowing that she did not trust you enough to tell you(in essence making her own judgement) and the thought of all the guys that have seen and touched her would is just unbearable?

Hey there OP, maybe I can help you out a bit here, this is a big experience in my life.
long story short, girl X is an international level model/dream girl, super intelligent, super caring, amazing, we were friends for a decade, finally both asked each other out, la la love land.

unfortunately, i find out she's an international escort more than a model.
She was everything I had ever wanted on a pedestal and I find out that she was not at all the person I thought she was. It wasn't like we weren't close those 10 years, best friend level, but this was something she felt necessary to hide very very well the last few years of our friendship because of her fear that it would ruin her chances with me.

how did it work out? we're no longer together, but that actually had nothing to do with it.
We're not together because in little ways we weren't compatible, throwing someone away because of a past profession, barring something that flies in the face of pro-social, "prostitution OR stripping are NOT anti-social actions at all IMO" then you're not giving them the chance which, situation flipped, I presume we would all want.
between you and me? my ex quit her job for me, supply that as an option, but be respectful about it, and I'll warn you now, if you already look at her with feelings of disgust, she WILL know, and that right there is the most destructive thing anyone can do to anyone else IMO. Disgust is a dangerous, painful, thing.
tl/dr, don't judge her past, judge how she's learned lessons from it for the future, move from there.

Wow...
I honestly don't know what I'd do in this situation!

If this happened with my current girlfriend, I would feel totally (if a little unjustly) betrayed. I'm a really jealous person, and I hate the idea of other guys seeing her in a sexual way.
But, I'm totally in love with her, so I don't know if there's anything she could do that I couldn't forgive her for...
And, on a level I'm not proud of, I would totally love to see her dance for me...

Darknacht:
She is lieing and stripping that does not sound like good girlfriend material.

savageoblivi0n:

TheBobmus:

I'm not ignorant, I know the definition of the word 'promiscuous', and just told you what it is. You tried to correct me when I was right all along, and continued to do so. My logic is sound - you jumped in to correct me on the definition of the word promiscuous, but in telling me had to look the word up on Wikipedia yourself, meaning you challenged me on my grasp of the English language without knowing the precise definition of the word you were calling me out on. Bad move.

oh lord...lets just put an end to the whole thing right now...Wikipedia's not a good enough source...alright then...

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/promiscuous?s=t

pro·mis·cu·ous   [pruh-mis-kyoo-uhs] Show IPA
adjective
1.
characterized by or involving indiscriminate mingling or association, especially having sexual relations with a number of partners on a casual basis.
2.
consisting of parts, elements, or individuals of different kinds brought together without order.
3.
indiscriminate; without discrimination.
4.
casual; irregular; haphazard.

Promiscuous in the way you're trying to use it refers to sexual relations, i.e. actually having sex with someone..A dancer is not necessarily promiscuous, end of.

OT: I've dated a stripper before, they make good money, as others have said the problem would be wondering why she felt the need to hide it, and my reaction would be dependent on the reason

1. characterized by or involving indiscriminate mingling or association

I like how your post contradicts your point.

It's stupid to get caught up on the dictionary definition. What makes the difference is whether YOU feel uncomfortable about it or not. If you feel uncomfortable about her performing strip teases for other men, it doesn't matter if Webster defines that as "promiscuous" or not.

Well I'd be rather annoyed that she didn't tell me. It would put a huge dent in relations. Would probably stay though.

My mind would be a bit disappointed to not learn about this until now.
My penis would think it's hot.

From afar however, I think, for once, it'd be more wise to trust the latter.

I'd talk about with her, ask her if she's ever considered a different job, but if she's okay with doing it and likes it, then whatever.

I'm comfortable with the thought of my partner being a stripper. People got to make a living some how, and trust me, there's worse jobs then being a stripper.

I dated a stripper for two months until she took me to a meth park. Was nice up until that point.

the Dept of Science:
It's stupid to get caught up on the dictionary definition. What makes the difference is whether YOU feel uncomfortable about it or not. If you feel uncomfortable about her performing strip teases for other men, it doesn't matter if Webster defines that as "promiscuous" or not.

I don't care what the definition is, if the definition of promiscuous was to have sex with lots of people she still would be a lier and a stripper. I just thought it was funny that savageoblivi0n contradicted the definition that he gave for the word to make his point. If you accentually read my post it is fairly easy to see that my opinion on whether or not a girl who is a lier and a stripper would make a good girlfriend is in no way dependent on the definition of promiscuous.

I would be initially shocked, but if she told me herself, I would try to understand. And ask for some private dances ;) If I found out some other way, I would be hurt and might well break up with her, because that's the sort of thing you should be honest and upfront about.

orangeban:
Uh, I don't see why you'd dump her, I really don't. I mean, if you get along with her, why would suddenly finding out her career change anything?

I suppose that when you enter a relationship, you know what the other person does for living. If she lied, then why do you feel like you can trust her again?

I feel there are a couple of points that could use some clarification. Did she outright lie to you about her job, or just not really mention it? How exactly did you find out? Does she know that you know?

As for how I'd react, I'd probably be a bit jealous and uncomfortable initially, but if I cared enough about her, I'd do my best to try and work through it. (Whether I'd be able to or not is a different matter)
My advice would be to talk to her about it, find out why she was secretive about it. Maybe she's embarrassed about it, worried that you'd flip out if you found out. Perhaps she was waiting for 'the right moment' to tell you?
A few others have suggested you check out the place where she works, get a feel for what sort of establishment it is. I think that's not too bad an idea. You might be imagining some seedy back-alley basement, only to find that it's actually a classy place.

At the end of the day, the decision is up to you. If you really can't get comfortable with her stripping, then maybe you should let her go. But I'd still suggest you talk to her about it, let her know that you tried, but you just can't get past it. Don't just go "I ain't dating no stripper, you're dumped!" You never know, she might be willing to give it up.

That's my thoughts on the matter anyway. Whatever you choose, I wish you the best of luck.

ElPatron:

orangeban:
Uh, I don't see why you'd dump her, I really don't. I mean, if you get along with her, why would suddenly finding out her career change anything?

I suppose that when you enter a relationship, you know what the other person does for living. If she lied, then why do you feel like you can trust her again?

We don't know she lied, she might just not have told you. You have no right to know what your girlfriend's job is.

And if she did lie, then her reasons for lying matter, what if she felt embarrassed, ashamed or guilty? Should she really be dumped for feeling those things.

I am not a fella, but I'll answer anyway; since there are male strippers.

I'd be uncomfortable at first and kind of irritated that he kept it from me, that's usually a given. However, I'd be interested enough to ask questions. If he was just dancing, then I could get over it. It's just dancing, naked or semi-naked.

However, if he was the kind who would do 'extra' with random strangers for another handful of bills, I don't think I'd be able to continue the relationship; since at that point he's basically a prostitute. Aaaand that's just too much for me, personally.

orangeban:
We don't know she lied, she might just not have told you. You have no right to know what your girlfriend's job is.

Sure, if relationships like that work on TV and Hollywood it must work in real life.

Really, if there is a reason for someone not telling you their job, it's because it's not ordinary. You don't tell your job to people online. You don't tell your "real" job if you are a spy. You tell your job to the person you are with.

orangeban:
And if she did lie, then her reasons for lying matter, what if she felt embarrassed, ashamed or guilty? Should she really be dumped for feeling those things.

1. There are reasons for lying - but they only matter if you are not caught. Lying is a break of trust.
2. If she felt "embarrassed, ashamed or guilty" about her job doesn't that mean she isn't comfortable with it?
3. Wow, "she must be dumped for her feelings". No, a person is dumped when they lie or they fuck up really bad. I don't waste my time with liars nor with people that hide stuff like that from me.

Would I date a stripper? I don't know, but if I had knowledge of it then it wouldn't create an unpleasant situation.

If I am dating someone who is stripping and didn't tell me, I have to assume there are other things she might have hidden from me.

C'mon I understand your policy of trusting people and giving a chance, but I have trusted so many people and given so many chances I just prefer to be sour at situations like this. It allows me to move on instead of wasting my time delaying the inevitable.

I would have no problem staying with her. I'd thank her for trusting me with her profession, it's not like many strippers openly admit it, leaving it as 'exotic dancer'.

TheBobmus:

krazykidd:
I don't think promiscuous means what you think it means . Striper and prostitute isn't the same thing .

I don't think it means what you think it means either. People will define different things as being promiscuous, and I personally would call getting naked for people and dancing on their laps being promiscuous. I am aware of the difference.

Promiscuous: characterized by having sexual relations with a number of partners on a casual basis.

That one is pretty straightforward. But I know what you mean

ElPatron:

orangeban:
We don't know she lied, she might just not have told you. You have no right to know what your girlfriend's job is.

Sure, if relationships like that work on TV and Hollywood it must work in real life.

Really, if there is a reason for someone not telling you their job, it's because it's not ordinary. You don't tell your job to people online. You don't tell your "real" job if you are a spy. You tell your job to the person you are with.

orangeban:
And if she did lie, then her reasons for lying matter, what if she felt embarrassed, ashamed or guilty? Should she really be dumped for feeling those things.

1. There are reasons for lying - but they only matter if you are not caught. Lying is a break of trust.
2. If she felt "embarrassed, ashamed or guilty" about her job doesn't that mean she isn't comfortable with it?
3. Wow, "she must be dumped for her feelings". No, a person is dumped when they lie or they fuck up really bad. I don't waste my time with liars nor with people that hide stuff like that from me.

Would I date a stripper? I don't know, but if I had knowledge of it then it wouldn't create an unpleasant situation.

If I am dating someone who is stripping and didn't tell me, I have to assume there are other things she might have hidden from me.

C'mon I understand your policy of trusting people and giving a chance, but I have trusted so many people and given so many chances I just prefer to be sour at situations like this. It allows me to move on instead of wasting my time delaying the inevitable.

*shrugh*, if you feel that way I guess there is nothing I can say about that. I just don't get it is all.

Screw that. I'm way too jealous a person to date a stripper.

Well I'd have a conversation with her first about why she didn't think she could tell me sooner.
If she has a reasonable reason, and realises that she can talk to me about these things, I have no problem with it.
If she's got a reason I don't think is reasonable, or believes she cannot trust me enough to talk about things, its probably not going to work out - so I'd leave her.

I would think that was cool, yet i would find her lack of... inhibitions? prudness? Strange.

I am not the jealous, marriage til you die kind of weirdo

Well, I'd talk to her. I'd rather her put that behind her, but if stripping is her passion, I'd find a way to make it work for the both of us. Same if she was a pornstar. As far as I'm concerned, love goes beyond those kinds of things.

But I certainly wouldn't force her with any "choose me or your job" asshole bullshit, that's for damn sure.

geK0:
I'd be a little shocked at first, but I'd get over it.

Given your avatar, this is probably the best comment you could have made.

orangeban:

We don't know she lied, she might just not have told you. You have no right to know what your girlfriend's job is.

Sure we have no right to know. It's just that knowing someone's job is something that usually happens even with acquaintances and thus seems very odd if hidden.

Really, if I ask someone their job and their reply is "You have no right to know!" I'm not going to really feel that we're on the right terms to be in a relationship.

I wouldn't be comfortable with it at all. The idea that my other takes her top off in front of the type of men who go to a strip club would just for me to deal with. I couldn't.

She's not my property and she can do what she wants to make money. If anything, I'd be happy because she would be loaded. I might make her start buying dinner. I'm not sure how one would go about keeping that secret, though.

"What do you do for a living?"
"I'm changing the subject!"

Not sure if I'd ever want to see her dance. Strip clubs seems so depressing in theory and I never want to go to one. Arguing that it's "unfaithful" is a little ridiculous. From what I understand, if you touch the dancers you get thrown out. End of story. And strippers don't fuck the customers... ever. *cue Chris Rock's "No Sex in the Champagne Room." You probably have a better chance of her not hooking up with another guy as a stripper than if she were a flight attendant. Think about it - long hours in different cities away from you meeting new people every day. In my mind, her being away that much would be more painful than "other guys seeing her naked." Nudity doesn't bother me in the slightest anyways.

You seem to be of the mind that stripping is somehow a low or base profession when it really isn't for the amount of money that they can make. A good stripper doesn't need "your support." She needs an accountant.

HardkorSB:

ameemo:
Let's take this hypothetical situation, what would you do if you found out that the girl you've fallen for and been going out with for a while is a stripper? would it be wrong to just dump her and never speak to her again because you judged her before you got to know the situation she's in and offer her support? or do you have the right to break up with her knowing that she did not trust you enough to tell you(in essence making her own judgement) and the thought of all the guys that have seen and touched her would is just unbearable?

I wouldn't mind.
It could actually be an advantage. If she's a stripper, that means she's hot and she can move and excite a man and that's important, I think.
Also, she's showing off her body. The same thing happens at public pools and on beaches at times, unless you consider something like this clothing:

Unless of course, a guy wouldn't want to date a girl who did that as well, but that's just silly.

It would be impossible to date her only if you were one of those oversensitive insecure guys who think that stripping is the "gateway drug" to prostitution.

I couldn't date a stripper, not because 'it could be a gateway drug to other evil things, like veganism!', but to me a woman who strips for (usually) a living is okay with multiple men watching her nightly.

I however, would not be.

Jealousy? Not really, its more of having standards, which to me a girl who strip has either low or nonexistent standards.

Also, lol, "if you wont date a stripper, you are oversensitive and insecure".

L O fucking L.

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