If you could go back and tell your teenage self one piece of advice...

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I would probably show up in New York during my senior trip and tell myself: "Don't try to act miserable. You don't miss her and you know you are only trying to. Besides She'll break up with you about a month after you graduate anyways. What I'm trying to say is you don't miss her, stop trying to, and enjoy yourself."

Or I'll show up before I totaled my car and say (well, I was 22... at the time, so it doesn't really count.): "You're going to be in a hurry, but black ice doesn't give a fuck. Drive slowly, your wallet, car, and family will thank you"

If I could go back to my 9/10 year old self I would probably say "Your dad being gay is still pretty taboo. You shouldn't announce it until your senior year in High School or so if that, when it's a much more common, and slightly more accepted thing.

I enjoy how everyone is wanting to go back and give themselves some optimistic advice. It amuses me that mine is seemingly the exact opposite: Seriously, this cynicism stuff is awesome. Just because people are older and in places of power over you, doesn't mean you can/should trust them. Most of the time it means the opposite. Learn that now, and you will be far better off in the long run.

Beyond that, I will just have to hope that bastard does it right the first time without losing too much.


If I could go back to my 9/10 year old self I would probably say "Your dad being gay is still pretty taboo. You shouldn't announce it until your senior year in High School or so if that, when it's a much more common, and slightly more accepted thing.

I know it was a different time and probably caused a lot of anguish for your family, but that just sounds hilarious. That is probably just me being my callous jackass self though.

Use all your money on apple stock. Just buy apple stock.

Well, I'm 19, so I don't have a huge leap, but if I could go back several years, I would tell myself to figure out what I want to do for a career. 19 and just now starting to figure out what I want to do. Missed out on a bunch of opportunities in school because I had no clue what I wanted to do.

"Dude, take your head out your ass for 30 seconds and start giving a fuck about your education by working your ass off in college and going to university. If you dont its gonna fuck up the rest of your life." P.S. Lay off the alcohol for a while.

Don't have long term relationship after long term relationship, have have more female friends and friends with benefits, party the hell out of life so when you settle down dont regreat anything you didn't do.

Also, in about years dont make that stupid purchase, its a scam.

Spend less time studying and more time hanging out and drinking with friends. Oh and don't date April, She is way too much trouble.

Cut your dick off Tom.

I know it sounds crazy, but it's seen a decade of abuse since you started dating and you will do so much more in your life without spending all your time looking for poon.

pick physics instead of math, you are better at it. And for the love of god when your friends offer to give you copies of their homework assignments so you can practice during that one year between school and university say yes and keep at it so you won't drop out of university and waste two years of your life and stopping you from doing what you always wanted and you will have to settle for the next best thing.
and do ask her out now, not in two years, she will say yes now, she told me so. And when you have the feeling you should end it for the first time do it, otherwise you will just add a lot of bad memories to the good ones.

Engineering is hard as hell and you are not going to get past second year if you don't start studying 4 hours a day.

I'd say: It doesn't fucking matter if you never find the dream job you're supposed to be totally passionate about. Just get off your ass and do something and find your thrills in your personal life. Don't fret over not being good at shit, just take a step forward in any direction and opportunities will open up. Keep on being yourself and don't be afraid of screwing up.

She doesn't actually like you bro. Just leave her now, and don't be such a massive pussy about it. You'll save about 4 months of your life that could be spent enjoying things rather than moping around like a depressed idiot.
Oh, and lay the fuck off the soda and salty-ass food. Seriously, just because you're not getting fat doesn't mean it's not hurting you.
Stop being such a lazy piece of shit, and start putting in work at school. Honestly your life will go so much more smoothly.
And start working out, good God you scrawny, non-athletic fuck.

Uh... Fuck em. Pretty much. Fuck em and do it with a smile. Oh, and work on that "being nice" to people you've never talked too.

Don't do something that you think will cause drama during a break up. Yes, your anger is completely justified. Yes, she's the textbook example of a backstabbing bitch. But it works out much better if you do everything in your power to stay the reasonable and understanding guy, for the love of all that is holy.

Edit: Ehh... as cautious as I am about saying this, avoid Facebook. Seriously, it's like internet crack and it is never entertaining. You'll end up hating the people you already hated even more. And it gets you in trouble.

Past Me: Who the fuck are you?

Future Me: It's late 2008, right?

Past Me:...yeah? Dude, are you me...from the future?

Future Me: Good, so I wasn't a total moron. Anyway, you are about to go through a lot of shit that will seem important now but trust me it isn't...like at all. Back your true friends even though they are total morons right now, just like you. None of it for like the next 3 years will matter that much, it's even fairly dull now but I've been changing things. Unfortunately that's about all the OP will let me say...

*starts to walk out*

Past Me: Oh! You've gone back and told Abe Lincoln to enjoy that play, right?

Future Me: Bitch, I got a time machine! You know I did that! Oh, and don't be so modest, you are fucking cool as hell, prick.

* Disappears in huge cloud of time travel smoke*

If I could go back to about 13 I'd say, learn to play the guitar. By the time you hit uni the bitches will be powerless to resist.

And pay more attention in French lessons.

Dude, lay off the fatty foods. Seriously. The diet you'll be doing at 25 is a pain in the neck.

Study, work hard, don't be lazy and stop thinking you're worthless. (Granted, I'm still this way, but maybe me telling myself from the future that would knock me out of it)

put down those chips also you have ADD.

Do your homework! And shave god dammit!

Uh, I don't know the things I would have liked myself to not do are the things that made me become the person I am today, doesn't really matter how wrong they were and how much grief they caused me, or what an awful person they made me back then, but in the long run they kinda made me the person I am today, I wouldn't have such strong moral standards or be this nice to other people if I hadn't become afraid that I was turning into a monster, I mean as many nightmares that time that I almost killed someone brought me, I think I could be an awful person without that life experience, I don't know I quite like who I've become and I wouldn't want to risk not being me, even telling myself to stay in school would change too much...

Get a job. Get a job. Get a job. Get a job. No one expects experience when you're that age so they won't ask for it when you apply. It's perfect. So get one. Yesterday.

Also, apply for scholarships. They're better than loans and there's a lot more for high school students than undergraduates. Pretty sure they're easier too.

Dear self, practice 20x harder at rifle spinning until you are good enough to win County, State, and Nationals (JROTC).

and DO NOT loan The Elder Scrolls: Oblivion to your friend.

Its no use thinking that you're wrong. The past is dead and gone, its best to move along and find your avalon

There's much better guys in university; wait until then to go out with one.

A) DONT start smoking
B) Fuck her then dump her. Trust me on this one. Seriously.
C) Get a haircut

Smoke more weed. It won't hold you back.

And Cheer the fuck up. You won't need to be depressed til much later in life.

EDIT: although the first would cancel out the second. As it already did, but not early enough.

"Hey, it's me, from the future. Just wanted to say, keep up the good work. Bye now!"


Kill them all, it doesnt get better, it gets worse, alot worse, kill them all

Dude that pain in your guts which is going to happen around 17, DON'T IGNORE IT!. Its a really serious disiese and you don't want to end up in intensive care for 2 weeks and shitting out a hole in your side into a bag for a year till they fix you back up.

Hm... oh and yeah don't burn your bros girlfriends ear with a cigerete when drunk she wont forgive you for it and will break up with your bro.

Nothing. Seriously I avoid my past self. I like my life now and can live with my regrets. Don't want to erase my current present.

"Whatever you do, DO NOT trim your toenails too much and trim it ACROSS not rounded!! Look up ingrowing toenail if you want to know what happen when you do that!"

Talk to those people who show interest.... PLUS BE YOURSELF .. no point lying about your life... people tend to find out sooner or later.

I'd tell him I'm sorry, the next few years are going to suck...

Don't go after her, she's not worth it and will only hurt you... repeatedly.

Uhhm, you're doing a good job - keep it up?

Oh, hang on:

"You will fail your Physics and Biology A-Levels with E-grade anyway, so don't bother burning yourself out for 6 weeks with all those hundreds of thousands of hours revision you will put into them as it doesn't change a thing.

Instead, look for a 10 hour-week job and just revise Computing. You will get a B in it anyway but an A or A* won't hurt. Also, sod the "gap year" and go fail that full-time night-shift job interview at ASDA, a full-time education offer will appear shortly after for university, out of the blue, even though you technically failed your A-Levels - you will get in to the subject for your computer wizz and it's AWESOME. It's right up your street, 18-year-old me..."

Oh wait, that was me this time last year.

This is where we inadvertently kill ourselves for saying things that change the course of history, to couple with that we get our younger selves hit by a bus that we didn't ourselves because they're now out of time with what we did.


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