What's the weirdest thing you've ever heard someone say IRL?

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What's the weirdest thing you've ever heard someone say IRL?

'Poop on my life'

How does that even make sense?

Edit: I'm dumb, apparently.

Daystar Clarion:
First thing that comes to mind...

'I don't really like scampi, I think they're ugly and I don't like their feeding habits.'

Wut?

Scampi is lobster tail, not a kind of animal :D

Scampi also refers to the small lobster that it comes from.

Ooh, I've got a good one . . .

"I've never been this old before"

image

Cavan:

Daystar Clarion:
First thing that comes to mind...

'I don't really like scampi, I think they're ugly and I don't like their feeding habits.'

Wut?

Scampi is lobster tail, not a kind of animal :D

Scampi also refers to the small lobster that it comes from.

Huh, so it is.

Didn't know there were multiple meanings for the name.

You learn something new every day :D

I Dont Never Sleep on My own... wow a double negative! You sleep with everyone! :D

Okay, okay, I've got a new one.

If the Chinese celebrate New Year in a different month, does that mean they celebrate Christmas at a different time?

Understandable if the question was being asked by a child.

She was 23 years old.

I overheard two hipsters talking last night about mixed drinks. First, he said that Makers Mark was high quality whiskey and whiskey rocks aren't actually rocks, but they're made from a specialized gel. These are both things that I find rather idiotic. However, his next sentence will go down in history as the stupidest thing I've ever heard:

"Then he put a splash of pinesol in there, so that it had a hint of pine flavor."

o_o

Pinesol. As in the cleaner. As in, do not ingest pinesol.

The fuck?

"So [my name] what kind of food do white people eat?"

Some of my friends are Desi, but still I didn't know how to answer that question.

Helmholtz Watson:
"So [my name] what kind of food do white people eat?"

Some of my friends are Desi, but still I didn't know how to answer that question.

Y'know, white stuff. Cauliflower, milk, mayonnaise, cream cheese, yogurt.

One of the really dumb ones, said by our flamboyantly gay tenant, "It sucks that gay men can't have unprotected sex even if they don't have HIV, because it'll make a new strain of HIV."

I was sort of stunned a gay man could be so ignorant about HIV/AIDS. At least he's ignorant in a way that makes him extra cautious?

"I'm having trouble choosing between God and tentacle porn."

Repeated to me by a friend who was playing a game I've not heard of, but described as "the adult version of Apples to Apples".

Dags90:

One of the really dumb ones, said by our flamboyantly gay tenants, "It sucks that gay men can't have unprotected sex even if they don't have HIV, because it'll make a new strain of HIV."

image

Please tell me he explained to you how that works, lol.

Helmholtz Watson:
Please tell me he explained to you how that works, lol.

No. As soon as he said it me and mother tried to correct him. I know people don't like being wrong, especially admitting to being so horribly wrong on something they really should know, but he seemed oddly resistant.

I assume he somehow managed to buy into anti-gay propaganda somehow.

'Sir, what does Ethics mean?' - Two weeks before the final exam on a Philosophy and Ethics course, after four years of study.

My face. My palm. The inevitable collision.

This place. Go there, and you too can lose hours of your life reading people be idiots on irl.

"When did they invent colour?"

this was asked by a sixt year old girl asked after watching lots of old black and white movies. just incase anyone is wondering she was talking about real life not movies. pretty logical question when you think about it

"your religion is determined by you genetics! It is proven by science!" What? FUCKIN WHAT?
"If the AC i broken it still works and makes the air colder!" Professor! AC! Broke!
"This Vodka is 40% is that the bottle or a shot?" Yes?

I know a guy who isn't exactly the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree, and in one history lesson we were learning about the Nazi regime in one German town. Suddenly he pointed to a black and white photograph of some citizens of the town and went "Look! It's a woman-child!"
He was pointing at a little girl.

"Partial differential equations are like venomous snakes... beautiful but deadly..."
"and if you ever happen to find yourself sky diving on mars..."

yea my maths lecturer is slightly strange...

I've heard someone complain that his heart rate would always go up while doing strenuous exercise. He thought this was highly unusual and a real medical issue (just for clarification, he did not have a heart problem)

Balgus:
"Partial differential equations are like venomous snakes... beautiful but deadly..."
"and if you ever happen to find yourself sky diving on mars..."

yea my maths lecturer is slightly strange...

yep... partial differential equations will do that to 'ya.

Asked by an American student on my course:

So, do you live in London or England?

image

"Whats that?" *Points at pi symbol on whiteboard*

This was a 17 year old girl taking a mid-high level maths course.

"Vegetation? That's like vegetables right?"

Made me facepalm =.=
Even more so since we were talking about the beach

I was in a class discussing age extending technology, and this woman who was probably in her late 20's or early 30's was like..."yea people living to 200 or 300 would be a problem, imagine women having children throughout their long lives, people would be having kids when they are like a hundred something and imagine the overpopulation because families would have like 30 kids."
I was like...wait what? You do know how human eggs work right? You only have a limited number of them....
Her: No, females make brand new ones each month.
Me: I'm guessing you've never heard of menopause.

"Ducks are like mushrooms. If you shoot a goat, I'm scared of toasters."

Granted, this was my flatmate reading the text from a picture from Reddit...but my first reaction was "....fuckin'...YES! TOTALLY! LOLWUT!?"

I have a few:

Person 1: The Treaty of Versailles was said by many to have caused WW2 twenty years later
Person 2: Why didn't they shoot the people who said that?
Person 3: Why?
Person 4: To stop WW2!

Person 1: If Australia went to war right now, and suffered the losses they incurred at Gallipoli, there would be riots in the streets.
Person 2: But if Australia declared war the entire army would be bombed before they could even reach the coast!

Person 1: We are going to be conducting parliamentary debates. You are advised to not personally insult the other people.
Person 2: Tony Abbott seems to forget that rule
Person 3: Tony Abbott will be debating with us! Wow!

"China and America are going to go to war and we are all going to be bombed (I live in Australia)"

I have a few others but I can't quite remember them.

(These were all from the same guy BTW.

"Is Winston Churchill the dog?"
"Abraham Lincoln got struck by lightning, right?"
"Yeah, I know who Hitler is. The guy who killed a bunch of people. I think."

All said by the same person. She's nice enough but... well, damn near retarded.

A friend told me about something he had seen on facebook.

Basically, a girl asked 'If I add music to my iPod, would it get heavier?'

She was not a child. My face had the print of my hand on it for weeks

hazabaza1:

"Yeah, I know who Hitler is. The guy who killed a bunch of people. I think."

All said by the same person. She's nice enough but... well, damn near retarded.

Well that last one is true, although a very simple version of the truth.

Supertegwyn:

hazabaza1:

"Yeah, I know who Hitler is. The guy who killed a bunch of people. I think."

All said by the same person. She's nice enough but... well, damn near retarded.

Well that last one is true, although a very simple version of the truth.

It's the "I think" that gets me.

During maths class, last year of high-school.

"But how do you know that's a 90 degree angle?" (talking about a square...)

So many stupid customers from working as a cashier.

Customer hands me unsigned credit card.
Me: Sorry but I can't accept this.
Customer: Yes you can!
Me: No I'm not allowed to. It is against the rules. I could get into trouble if I accepted that.
Customer: You will accept my unsigned credit card or I will scream!
Me thinking to myself: LOLOLOLOL!

The best part of this situation came after the manager had finally convinced the customer to use a different payment method. The manager leaves and there is only one other customer left in line because the others had gone to different lines from waiting so long.
The customer with the unsigned credit card leaves but forgets the bag with all of her steak in it. I go to pick it up and run after her but then the next customer in line (who stood there and watched this whole ordeal) said: "I won't tell if you don't."
I did not tell.

Another idiot customer.

I set a big bag of potatoes on the till and then but the back of bananas on top of it.
Customer: Hey what are you doing? Don't but the bananas on the potatoes!
Me: Why....?
Customer: They'll get squished!
Me: I don't think the bananas way enough to squish potatoes....
Customer: No! The bananas will get squished not the potatoes!
Me: But gravity...

"So what really happened in World War eleven?" (someone thinking roman numerals were regular numbers).
^oh to make it worse it wasn't even a kid, it was an adult with a college degree.

"You wouldn't know which way to fuck a door knob."

...

WTF is there a correct way when fucking a door knob?

"If it weren't for my horse, I never would have spent that year in college."

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