What would you do if your partner was secretly Hitler?

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Simple question really. What would you do if suddenly the individual you held most dear, who up until now was essentially your ideal mate, suddenly revealed to you that they were actually the most famous dictator of all time? Personally I would try to work things out, after all I love them, but if they started killing Jews or invading Poland I would definitely have to end the relationship.

There are no words... Honestly, this is the most bizarre forum topic I've EVER seen, and I'm also a regular contributor on a hardcore fetish website!

That said, if I did suddenly find out my partner was the infamous Adolf (assuming I'd missed the whole short Austrian with a toothbrush moustache and megalomaniac complex), I'd probably attempt to get him to give up on the whole Lebensraum thing and focus on his painting and writing. After all, nothing's more calming than doing a nice landscape painting, and Mein Kampf is one of the best selling books of all time. I reckon with a bit of loving persuasion he could've been enticed to give up on his plans to destroy all opposition and impose a thousand year German Reich over the entire world. Failing that, I'd gently ridicule his plans for global domination until he was forced to vent all his frustration by posting on The Daily Mail's web forums about how there's too much immigration these days and the world would be better off if everyone just went back to their own countries. Which would obviously take up all his time. Either way, I'd save the world from another world war, and I'd get to say I'm going out with Hitler. Job done.

I would turn into Darth Vader and have an epic rap battle with him.

Would this be Hitler Hitler or a sexy female version of Hitler? And would I have to take a cyanide pill with him/her in an underground bunker when the allies win?

On a side note, guys should start doing the Hitler mustache again. Why let one bad guy ruin a whole style of mustache for everyone? We should take it back :)

Well I'd sit down in mein kampfy chair and wonder how I didn't see it right away.

XMark:
Would this be Hitler Hitler or a sexy female version of Hitler? And would I have to take a cyanide pill with him/her in an underground bunker when the allies win?

On a side note, guys should start doing the Hitler mustache again. Why let one bad guy ruin a whole style of mustache for everyone? We should take it back :)

Depends. Would Hitler Hitler be your ideal mate? Or would you prefer sexy lady Hitler?

Edit- The mustache has to stay though. It isn't Hitler without the stache.

I'd criticise his artwork and make him cry.

image

I feel slightly bad for saying this but it's actually quite good. He should have stayed in art...

But if Hitler is my girl...then who was phone?

Well, after coming to my senses, I'll do the obvious thing - I'll grab him (her?) in a choke hold and force Hitler to give up his pot of gold.

what is this i dont even

...

Um. Hold him down and call 999 I guess?

I don't even know, my head is full of fuck.

theparsonski:
I'd criticise his artwork and make him cry.

image

I feel slightly bad for saying this but it's actually quite good. He should have stayed in art...

I feel really weird typing this, but that's actually pretty good. I wouldn't mind having a copy of that.

Now, if you excuse me, I need to wrap my head around praising Hitler for being a good artist, with hope my head won't get an aneurysm.

I guess I'd have to ask them how they hell they look so good for someone over a hundred years old.

Well it would be a little bit of a shock. I'm sure I can convince him to change his ways and try to live happily ever after.

theparsonski:
I'd criticise his artwork and make him cry.

image

I feel slightly bad for saying this but it's actually quite good. He should have stayed in art...

Hitler, look . . . it's not you, it's me. I can see past all the Jewish people you had murdered in cold blood all for the sake of using a scape goat and I can also see past the numerous gay people and minorities you experimented on and tortured. But dude, that mustache has to go. I know that it's special to you and that it makes you feel special - you are a very special man after all - but I'm afraid while that remains on your face I'll simply never know whether the man I'm kissing is a totalitarian dictator or Charlie Chaplin.

P.S - Think you might one day get around to drawing porn?

I don't see why one should be squeamish over complimenting a good piece of artwork. Just because it was Hitler's doesn't mean it's not good. And that piece is really good, I'm quite surprised.

lSHaDoW-FoXl:
Hitler, look . . . it's not you, it's me. I can see past all the Jewish people you had murdered in cold blood all for the sake of using a scape goat and I can also see past the numerous gay people and minorities you experimented on and tortured. But dude, that mustache has to go. I know that it's special to you and that it makes you feel special - you are a very special man after all - but I'm afraid while that remains on your face I'll simply never know whether the man I'm kissing is a totalitarian dictator or Charlie Chaplin.

P.S - Think you might one day get around to drawing porn?

Absolutely agree. Can't stand his moustache (or any kind of moustache, really). If I actually was interested in men this would be a huge deal breaker for me. And his hair style doesn't look too hot, either.

I've learned to live with the anti-semetic grandstanding and the severe intestinal problems, but this does go a long way towards explaining the moustache, along with the fact that we always have to vacation in the Sudetenlands.

Really have to hope that we can change his sex because I am a guy. Yeah if my girl was planning something on this kind of scale, I would probably try to talk her out of it. Can I ask you a quick question, are we in the time period of when Hitler was rising to power, or are you talking about present day. After all I think it would be really hard for your girlfriend to keep this a secret. Really have no problem locking her in a room until she didn't want to kill Jews anymore. Don't really know how to answer this, it's way beyod WTF.
image

Sanat:
I don't see why one should be squeamish over complimenting a good piece of artwork. Just because it was Hitler's doesn't mean it's not good. And that piece is really good, I'm quite surprised.

What do you think makes it good? I find it boring. It's a competent execution but the composition is just beyond sterile.

I'm sure I could parlay him to the Israeli government for a harem of sexy mens. I'm bound to be compatible with one of them.

Hal10k:
I've learned to live with the anti-semetic grandstanding and the severe intestinal problems, but this does go a long way towards explaining the moustache, along with the fact that we always have to vacation in the Sudetenlands.

The strong negative feelings about the wonderful Charlie Chaplain probably make a whole lot more sense now too.

Then I would fuck Hitler so often the would be to damn happy to start WW3

Revnak:
Simple question really. What would you do if suddenly the individual you held most dear, who up until now was essentially your ideal mate, suddenly revealed to you that they were actually the most famous dictator of all time? Personally I would try to work things out, after all I love them, but if they started killing Jews or invading Poland I would definitely have to end the relationship.

You know...I had always suspected something about her...

Shawn MacDonald:

image

I...um...er...yeah...huh...ahem.

Anyway, if my Girlfriend was Hitler, and she looked like that?

I'd say five things:
Finish the British.
Don't fight the Russians.
Give Heisenberg whatever he needs.
Two letters, three numbers: ME 262.
Just deport the Jews to Palestine.

Then, I'd enjoy nailing the ruler of Europe. Yeah...I'm that depraved.

FFHAuthor:

Shawn MacDonald:

image

I...um...er...yeah...huh...ahem.

Anyway, if my Girlfriend was Hitler, and she looked like that?

I'd say five things:
Finish the British.
Don't fight the Russians.
Give Heisenberg whatever he needs.
Two letters, three numbers: ME 262.
Just deport the Jews to Palestine.

Then, I'd enjoy nailing the ruler of Europe. Yeah...I'm that depraved.

Firstly: you spelled Ho-229 wrong.

Secondly: that's not depraved, that's good taste.

If my girlfriend was Hitler (image above that is) then I would have some serious questions to ask. Like why he's now a girl... A very attractive one if that... And age, shouldn't (s)he be 123 now?

I'd tell my brother, a proud neo-nazi.

Then my brother would probably beat his ass for single handedly killing any chance Germany had of winning WW2.

A Satanic Panda:

Firstly: you spelled Ho-229 wrong.

Secondly: that's not depraved, that's good taste.

If my girlfriend was Hitler (image above that is) then I would have some serious questions to ask. Like why he's now a girl... A very attractive one if that... And age, shouldn't (s)he be 123 now?

Well, firstly to your firstly, I lean more to the logic that Germany required an advanced and superior Fighter craft to combat British terror bombing of Germany population centers and US precision bombing of Factories and infrastructure, more than they needed a jet powered fighter-bomber. The undoing of the ME-262 was more owing to Hitlers desire for dive bombers like the Stuka. And while the Ho-229 was an excellent stealth aircraft, I'm leery at it's ability to stand up under mass production conditions. The Ho-229...well, it's unproven in the realms of history, but I do concede that it might have had excellent potential if they made more than a handful, the ME-262 was actually a produced fighter.

Second, yes, it is excellent taste, I can't fault you there. But I'd still be nailing Hitler, and I think that deserves a little bit of depraved judgement...despite extenuating circumstances.

Depends if modern Hitler is an attractive female human or alien.

\(_o)/
OP is too WTF!
Is my partner now a man? Is he/she their original age? 56? 123?
Or have I traveled through time?

Oh well, I guess either way I'd have to break up and probably turn them in. Committing genocide against 6 million people IS committing genocide against 6 million people. Plus they aren't really my partner anymore as far as I'm concerned.

That'd be weird, seeing as Mr. Boyfriend is Jewish.

First things first, that moustache has gotta go.

FFHAuthor:

A Satanic Panda:

Firstly: you spelled Ho-229 wrong.

Secondly: that's not depraved, that's good taste.

If my girlfriend was Hitler (image above that is) then I would have some serious questions to ask. Like why he's now a girl... A very attractive one if that... And age, shouldn't (s)he be 123 now?

Well, firstly to your firstly, I lean more to the logic that Germany required an advanced and superior Fighter craft to combat British terror bombing of Germany population centers and US precision bombing of Factories and infrastructure, more than they needed a jet powered fighter-bomber. The undoing of the ME-262 was more owing to Hitlers desire for dive bombers like the Stuka. And while the Ho-229 was an excellent stealth aircraft, I'm leery at it's ability to stand up under mass production conditions. The Ho-229...well, it's unproven in the realms of history, but I do concede that it might have had excellent potential if they made more than a handful, the ME-262 was actually a produced fighter.

Second, yes, it is excellent taste, I can't fault you there. But I'd still be nailing Hitler, and I think that deserves a little bit of depraved judgement...despite extenuating circumstances.

Apparently a Ho-229 prototype out-performed a ME-262 in a mock dogfight. But, as with all German engines at the time, was very unreliable and one of the prototypes crashed due to an engine failure. The production was also a hassle because to make it stealthy they had to have the correct mixture for the paint, perfectly shaped inlets, etc.

But like you said, it never entered production.

SneeringCanuck:
I'd tell my brother, a proud neo-nazi.

Then my brother would probably beat his ass for single handedly killing any chance Germany had of winning WW2.

Ummmm... without Hitler, there would have been no Fascism in Germany, no organized Nazi party; so Germany would likely have stayed a Democracy, and would not have had the fervor to go to war. i.e, Germany never had a chance to win WW2.

A Satanic Panda:

Apparently a Ho-229 prototype out-performed a ME-262 in a mock dogfight. But, as with all German engines at the time, was very unreliable and one of the prototypes crashed due to an engine failure. The production was also a hassle because to make it stealthy they had to have the correct mixture for the paint, perfectly shaped inlets, etc.

But like you said, it never entered production.

The Ho-229 prototypes captured from Germany are still tightly controlled and in the possession of the US government. The History Channel ran a show and had a group of engineers make an exact replica of the Ho-229 and said that is was a radar stealth aircraft. But I'm just leery of it, despite the potential.

I would find the Doc and get him to bring me safely back to 2012 in the Delorian. Screw 1939, why did I ever go to that time to find love... worst idea ever!

*reads forum name*

Oh, yeah, my boyfriend already told me a couple days ago. I'm trying to accept his new found Nazi-ism, and I think things can work out between us. I'm just worried because I have a Jewish friend.

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