BENZOOKA: in a disco's bathroom stall and she was on her knees finishing me off...
Eeeww. Of all the places to have sex... a bathroom toilet stall? Ick. I would NOT want to be on my knees in one of those. Just... bleck. Icky.
The rest of the story sounds like fun. Just... why the toilet? Wasn't there somewhere else semi-private to sneak off to?
SckizoBoy: Perhaps you would consider sex on a typical British beach... (note: nothing but pebbles).
Huh. Never been to a British beach. Just American ones (both East and West coast). All the ones I've been to are covered in fine sand, and it gets fucking EVERYWHERE, even with a swim suit and no funny business. Pebbles sounds hard on the feet. And the butt. You'd need a pretty thick towel to make pebbles comfortable. Still better than sand, though.
Actually, that reminds me - the first time I went swimming in the Atlantic ocean (at a beach, obviously) I was staying with this friend who I was kind of hoping to sleep with. However, at the beach, I got a NASTY sunburn (my "waterproof" sunscrean wasn't actually waterproof, it turned out) and ended up not wanting anyone to touch me at all for the next week. It's funny now, but at the time it really, really sucked.
Bara_no_Hime: Huh. Never been to a British beach. Just American ones (both East and West coast). All the ones I've been to are covered in fine sand, and it gets fucking EVERYWHERE, even with a swim suit and no funny business. Pebbles sounds hard on the feet. And the butt. You'd need a pretty thick towel to make pebbles comfortable. Still better than sand, though.
It's not that bad on the feet, actually... though this is from a guy who typically walks everywhere (within reason) and probably has soles hardened to leather by now... As for the butt, yeah, it can be, but that's why God gifted us with a multitude of positions, no?! =P
And getting sunburnt? Thankfully, I have no experience of such... I've only been to the beach fully clothed or after the sun sets... yeah, I'm eccentric like that... >_>
Was flirtatiously invited to a get-together with 5 women once.
Spoiler: Click to 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
BENZOOKA: in a disco's bathroom stall and she was on her knees finishing me off...
Eeeww. Of all the places to have sex... a bathroom toilet stall? Ick. I would NOT want to be on my knees in one of those. Just... bleck. Icky.
The rest of the story sounds like fun. Just... why the toilet? Wasn't there somewhere else semi-private to sneak off to?
We were inside the building when, after some public warming up, we got the urge to go do it again. It was dark outside, and the yard was swarming with teenagers anyways. Plus I couldn't think of another private place, that wasn't too far off, with a horny teenager mind in a minute. Anywho, it was pretty much as clean as they get and it was only her knees touching the floor. Not even that, if she was squatting; this was some time ago.
And being a gentleman, I had already taken the ground bullet, laying on a heather-filled nearby forest floor during the first time. And the second time for the night was me leaning diagonally with my upper back against a tree, right next to a lighted sports field. That was evidently very satisfying. Although had to fight my feet from slipping and with the freaky position, it was quite a workout.
Hung out with this blonde girl once and took her back to her place. She invited me up for a drink and I had nothing better to do at the time, so I went up with her. We chatted for a bit and eventually I mentioned I had just bought a new bed and it was super comfortable. She said I needed to try her bed because it was way better. I didn't believe her so I tried it out. Layed down and ow... something poked my back. Pulled the covers and her massive dildo was starring me in the face. She gets all flustered and says she's embaressed and can't believe something like that would ever happen to her. Sure...
BENZOOKA: in a disco's bathroom stall and she was on her knees finishing me off...
Eeeww. Of all the places to have sex... a bathroom toilet stall? Ick. I would NOT want to be on my knees in one of those. Just... bleck. Icky.
The rest of the story sounds like fun. Just... why the toilet? Wasn't there somewhere else semi-private to sneak off to?
SckizoBoy: Perhaps you would consider sex on a typical British beach... (note: nothing but pebbles).
Huh. Never been to a British beach. Just American ones (both East and West coast). All the ones I've been to are covered in fine sand, and it gets fucking EVERYWHERE, even with a swim suit and no funny business. Pebbles sounds hard on the feet. And the butt. You'd need a pretty thick towel to make pebbles comfortable. Still better than sand, though.
Actually, that reminds me - the first time I went swimming in the Atlantic ocean (at a beach, obviously) I was staying with this friend who I was kind of hoping to sleep with. However, at the beach, I got a NASTY sunburn (my "waterproof" sunscrean wasn't actually waterproof, it turned out) and ended up not wanting anyone to touch me at all for the next week. It's funny now, but at the time it really, really sucked.
British beaches are harder to find a moment of privacy though. no trees or large rocks. but still if you work at it, it can be nice.
and as for the bathroom, yup, done it there to. and yeah you can only do it in a clean bathroom. it was one of those high end places where the bathroom is cleaned like 12 times a day. it was pretty nice.
Like i said, my wife, sexiest woman ever. Does all this cause i ask, never stoned or drunk. She is just horny, and i love it ;D
As for the sunburn story 9a wanting, but couldn't get there story), all i got is trying not to be horny in front of your parents. it was that my parents were over and we were having dinner. Then i start to feel a rubbing on my leg. i look at my wife, and she is doing her "i want" face (yes thats just what i call it, its when she is biting her lower lip and half-smiling). Thats the thing about her, when she wants it she wants it. So were sitting in the restaurant, she is fondling me, and i want to return it, but my parents are right there! ugh it was a long night.
JerryTerry: Well, this was one hell of a first post.
This is my favorite post on the entire site, partly because I just was just showing that video to my friend earlier today, but mostly because you waited almost three years before making that as your first post. You've been lurking patiently, biding your time for the exact right moment to strike, and after years of quiet contemplation, you have finally discovered the true answer of what to do when life gives you lemons.
I had just hired this babysitter to watch my kids. She was the most beautiful woman that I had ever seen. Her face made me melt. She had perfect DD breasts that were still full of milk. She was a gymnast and had a perfect hourglass figure. I fell in love the first time I met her. After the first time interviewing her, she invited me out to the beach where we walked along the beach where she told me about her abusive husband and I told her about my abusive ex-wife. We found each other on a level I had never connected to another woman, person or anyone. In our loneliness we saw each other as a life raft. The next day was her birthday and she invited me to come out with her and her family. We had a good time together and her two girls played with my two girls. She invited me to come to church the next weekend with her and her family. She lead the church service with her voice that seemed to be descended from heaven itself. After church we went back to her place to have me inspect the house so she can watch the girls there. We sat down on the couch after her parents went upstairs to relax for the day. I bet over to pick something up on the other side of her and she whispered in my ear, "You know if anything happens, you will get hurt." I said back, "I know but nothing pleasurable comes without some pain." She grabbed my head and pushed me down on to the top of her shoulder. I kissed and ran my tongue up and down her neck as she started to moan softly. I started running my hands down between her legs slowly reaching closer and closer to her ever trusting crotch. Down deep between her legs I worked my figures to their best, until she said. "Inside." In my ear, the joy that shot through my body made every bit of me feel like a person again, like all the hardships of my life were meaningless and I was at once whole again. I ran my hands down her pants and found the sweet bounty within her moaning turned from quiet to regular voice in my ear. I felt her body move like it had finally been released from chains that had bound her. I could feel her finger nails scratch against the back of my shirt. Then in one motion she playfully clamped down on my shoulder with her teeth. But one of her girls interrupted us asking if mommy was OK. We went over to the kitchen and she pushed herself up on the counter and pulled me towards her. There was no holding back for her now. I pulled down her shirt and found her treasure once again, she moaned and thrashed at me time and again. But still the kids kept coming over to stop us. I finally just put my mouth to the honey pot and went to town. We kept it up but each time no matter what if the kids were around they would always get in the way. Finally two weeks later she came over to my apartment and we made sweet beautiful love to me. A week later she was gone, nothing more then "I don't want to talk anymore for real this time." Here I am a month later and all I can think about is her.
Spoiler: Click to ViewPHA+PGltZyBzcmM9Imh0dHA6Ly9pbWFnZXMzLndpa2lhLm5vY29va2llLm5ldC9fX2NiMjAxMjAzMzAyMzIzMjgvdmFtcGlyZWRpYXJpZXMvaW1hZ2VzLzAvMGQvTWlzYy10cnVlLXN0b3J5LXJlYWxpc3RpYy1sLnBuZyIgYWx0PSJpbWFnZSIvPjwvcD4=
GangstaPony: I had been approached by a Teacher who had recently gone through a horrible divorce. She called me to her office and said she needed someone to talk to. I'm just a slightly above average student but me and my Teacher are good friends. This happened in my 2nd year of college. I was 20 and she was 32 (also very pretty).
She actually requested me to hold/hug her for a bit and I took a slight advantage of the situation. I kissed her full on the lips and she was all, "Hey! What are you doing?"
I apologized and then she did the same talking about how it was her fault with me being a hormonal teenager and all. Although she cheekily admitted to having enjoyed it. We talked some more, I gave her some comforting words and that was that. We have not spoken of the incident since. Though I do fantasize about her. As of today, I just finished my 3rd and final year
Huh, you know my wife is a teacher. This reminds me of the time she was working late, and i came to give her some supper. and you can't help notice when your woman is lookin good in her skirt (long one but still a skirt) and nice blouse. so after we were done i just kissed her. didn't think it would turn into this whole role play thing of how i had been misbehaving and she was going to punish me. I was on her desk and she was on me.
Yeah, im pretty much the family guy of sex stories, with how much i say, "that reminds me of the time...." DON'T JUDGE ME!
thisbymaster: I had just hired this babysitter to watch my kids. She was the most beautiful woman that I had ever seen. Her face made me melt. She had perfect DD breasts that were still full of milk. She was a gymnast and had a perfect hourglass figure. I fell in love the first time I met her. After the first time interviewing her, she invited me out to the beach where we walked along the beach where she told me about her abusive husband and I told her about my abusive ex-wife. We found each other on a level I had never connected to another woman, person or anyone. In our loneliness we saw each other as a life raft. The next day was her birthday and she invited me to come out with her and her family. We had a good time together and her two girls played with my two girls. She invited me to come to church the next weekend with her and her family. She lead the church service with her voice that seemed to be descended from heaven itself. After church we went back to her place to have me inspect the house so she can watch the girls there. We sat down on the couch after her parents went upstairs to relax for the day. I bet over to pick something up on the other side of her and she whispered in my ear, "You know if anything happens, you will get hurt." I said back, "I know but nothing pleasurable comes without some pain." She grabbed my head and pushed me down on to the top of her shoulder. I kissed and ran my tongue up and down her neck as she started to moan softly. I started running my hands down between her legs slowly reaching closer and closer to her ever trusting crotch. Down deep between her legs I worked my figures to their best, until she said. "Inside." In my ear, the joy that shot through my body made every bit of me feel like a person again, like all the hardships of my life were meaningless and I was at once whole again. I ran my hands down her pants and found the sweet bounty within her moaning turned from quiet to regular voice in my ear. I felt her body move like it had finally been released from chains that had bound her. I could feel her finger nails scratch against the back of my shirt. Then in one motion she playfully clamped down on my shoulder with her teeth. But one of her girls interrupted us asking if mommy was OK. We went over to the kitchen and she pushed herself up on the counter and pulled me towards her. There was no holding back for her now. I pulled down her shirt and found her treasure once again, she moaned and thrashed at me time and again. But still the kids kept coming over to stop us. I finally just put my mouth to the honey pot and went to town. We kept it up but each time no matter what if the kids were around they would always get in the way. Finally two weeks later she came over to my apartment and we made sweet beautiful love to me. A week later she was gone, nothing more then "I don't want to talk anymore for real this time." Here I am a month later and all I can think about is her.
Spoiler: Click to ViewPHA+PGltZyBzcmM9Imh0dHA6Ly9pbWFnZXMzLndpa2lhLm5vY29va2llLm5ldC9fX2NiMjAxMjAzMzAyMzIzMjgvdmFtcGlyZWRpYXJpZXMvaW1hZ2VzLzAvMGQvTWlzYy10cnVlLXN0b3J5LXJlYWxpc3RpYy1sLnBuZyIgYWx0PSJpbWFnZSIvPjwvcD4=
Im pretty sure the part about the kids stopping us well be true for me and my wife in a few years. but we will be ready, we're good at hiding ;D
still, i feel you bro. thats a good story, liked it. you go my man, you go.... for another beauty or decide if you will try to find her. its all you my man
Okay, I have one. It was the morning after a party and my roomie had to go to work early. He left one of his friends passed out on the couch. The guy woke up a bit later and just kind of awkwardly hung out for a bit before starting to talk to me. The topic of relationships and sexuality came up. He wasn't having any luck with the ladies and hadn't gotten any action in a while, but he gradually worked up to admitting some interest in me and finally said that if I helped him get off he'd do the same for me. "You show yours, I'll show mine" pretty much.
So there's your porn scenario: I had sex with my roommate's straight friend (the roomie will never know).
I had sex behind her roommates back without her noticing
Spoiler: Click to ViewPHA+QWN0dWFsbHkgc2hlIGRpZCBub3RpY2UgYW5kIHdhbnRlZCB0byBqb2luIHVzPGJyIC8+PGRpdiBjbGFzcz0nc3BvaWxlciBoaWRkZW4nIG9uQ2xpY2s9IkVsZW1lbnQuaGlkZSh0aGlzKTsgbmV3IEluc2VydGlvbi5BZnRlcih0aGlzLCc8ZGl2IGNsYXNzPVwnc3BvaWxlciB2aXNpYmxlXCc+JyArIEJhc2U2NC5kZWNvZGUoJCgnc3BvaWxlcl82Yzk2YTgyYTE1ZjExM2JlYTZlYjViMDA0NTMxM2EzNycpLmlubmVySFRNTCkgKyAnPC9kaXY+Jyk7IEVsZW1lbnQucmVtb3ZlKCdzcG9pbGVyXzZjOTZhODJhMTVmMTEzYmVhNmViNWIwMDQ1MzEzYTM3Jyk7IEVsZW1lbnQucmVtb3ZlKHRoaXMpOyI+PC9wPgo8cD5TcG9pbGVyOiBDbGljayB0byBWaWV3PHNwYW4gaWQ9J3Nwb2lsZXJfNmM5NmE4MmExNWYxMTNiZWE2ZWI1YjAwNDUzMTNhMzcnIHN0eWxlPSdkaXNwbGF5Om5vbmUnPlBIQStRV04wZFdGc2JIa2djMmhsSUhkaGJuUmxaQ0IwYnlCcWIybHVJR2hsY2k0Z1ZHaGxlU0JvWVhabElHSmxaVzRnZEc5blpYUm9aWElnWm05eUlEUWdlV1ZoY25NZ2JtOTNJR0Z1WkNCMGFHRjBjeUJ0ZVNCc1lYUmxjM1FnYzNSdmNua2diWFZqYUNCMGJ5QnRlU0J5WldkeVpYUXVQQzl3UGc9PTwvc3Bhbj48L2Rpdj48L3A+
Captcha "trust me". Oh please do, and while you are at it can I look after your bank details?
Normal people don't say things like "le wild X appears" nor "hurr durr 4chan references lulz".
I'm sure I am not the only one sick of seeing "le" everywhere.
Um... Deal with it? Not sure what to tell you. Besides, I said "for the lulz". A specific phrase describing an activity undertaken for no reason other than amusement or occupation of one's free time. Had I said "[sarcastic porn-like scenario], lulz" then you would have a valid case to make against my post, on the grounds of abusing the English language. Instead, I made use of a (perhaps overused, but that's not my problem) joke, making a comical comparison to another user group based on an intentionally poor chain of logic that draws a patently ridiculous conclusion and treats it as inevitable. This is known as a "Facetious statement". It is often intended for humorous effect. If you did not find it so, that is your issue, not mine.
After all the 'but it didn't really', a the conditions for a few surprise real life carnal scenarios basically went as follows:
Drinking with friends, everyone gets completely bombed off their face, people start fooling around jokingly, the 'joke' becomes a bunch of people having sex... FFWD to the morning... Nobody can stand to look at each other and everyone feels sick. Things are a bit awkard for a week or two. In a month it's considered a fond memory and a good time had by all.
Eeeww. Of all the places to have sex... a bathroom toilet stall? Ick. I would NOT want to be on my knees in one of those. Just... bleck. Icky.
The rest of the story sounds like fun. Just... why the toilet? Wasn't there somewhere else semi-private to sneak off to?
Huh. Never been to a British beach. Just American ones (both East and West coast). All the ones I've been to are covered in fine sand, and it gets fucking EVERYWHERE, even with a swim suit and no funny business. Pebbles sounds hard on the feet. And the butt. You'd need a pretty thick towel to make pebbles comfortable. Still better than sand, though.
Actually, that reminds me - the first time I went swimming in the Atlantic ocean (at a beach, obviously) I was staying with this friend who I was kind of hoping to sleep with. However, at the beach, I got a NASTY sunburn (my "waterproof" sunscrean wasn't actually waterproof, it turned out) and ended up not wanting anyone to touch me at all for the next week. It's funny now, but at the time it really, really sucked.