A Moral Conundrum for you guys, Would you sleep with a married person? (READ THE OP BEFORE POSTING) Pages PREV 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 NEXT | |
I'd STOP. I would stop so fast. There would be NO damn temptation because learning he is married would put the ice water on me so fast and dry me up like a desert, I wouldn't barely be able to cope. I'd be disgusted and pissed. Oh so very pissed. The nerve of this pathetic son of a bitch to try to make me into his whore for a night. He can go fuck himself and IF he's lucky, I won't figure out who his wife is and spill the beans. No way I could go through with it. I know I'd be disgusted with myself and ashamed at the very thought. If somehow I did, I couldn't possibly live with the guilt. P.S. I'm also gonna go with what some others have said and qualify that I probably wouldn't do a one night stand. I don't understand them and if I'd choose to have sex with someone, I think it'd be implied in my brain that I'd want/expect to see them again or have occasion for more rounds. | |
Or they're a fairly standard human being. First look up Stanley Milgram and his studies (and the countless offshoots of it, all with similar results), then check out the funky neurochemical known as Dopamine, and what it does to your brain during sexual arousal (OP's question states we're about to get down to the act of it when s/he tells me, chances are i'm aroused at this point). You might be surprised. | |
You said we met at a bar... how many drinks have I had? Because that is the issue that will decide this. If I'm still clear-minded, I'd end it. If I'm too drunk to reason properly and I'm in the middle of a make-out session with a hot guy, I doubt anything short of the hand of God himself could make me stop what I'm doing. | |
I almost did one time, but she backed out. She was the married one by the way & they were supposed to be getting a divorce, not because of me, she came to me when they started having problems. Would I consider it now... No. Too much drama & BS involved. | |
Yes. I was gonna leave my post to that one word, but I suppose that's not exactly constructive posting, so allow me to explain. Hell yes. | |
I'd probably pretend like that's a deal breaker and let her talk me into it. Like Her: "um... I'm married..." Also, when I met my girlfriend she was married. Technically. They were in the process of doing a divorce, she had already moved out and all that. So. Yeah. | |
depends... if i'm really in the mood than i might end up doing it. (i don't approve of the whole one-night-stand shit so this is unlikely) so my more likely answer is: i would most likely say NO due to the fact that there are some real dangerous results that could happen if i did go through with it. also i don't think i could disrespect one's marriage like that. that's f***ed up. | |
who says i don't? | |
It would depend on if the woman was doing it because she hated her husband or he mistreated her then, yeah, sure, I'd go through with but if her husband was faithful and treated her well I wouldn't want to potentially destroy a good thing... | |
Easy. No, with a qualification. If someone is ATTACHED (doesn't matter if they are married, or in a committed relationship) and if that relationship is not open, then no, I do not sleep with them. Helping someone do something unethical is by definition unethical. Make whatever excuses you want, but its the same as people who knowingly buy stolen goods, they are as guilty as the original perp. Now if the relationship is open, then I don't see why not if I'm attracted to them. | |
That makes me think of this picture...
These things do often come back to bite you, often not when or how you expect. | |
Probably. The burden's on her, I wouldn't go into a proper relationship with her but if she's willing to do that there's a problem there anyway; you're not the cause of it. | |
So I'm horny and roughly to seconds away from penetration? Yeah I'm not even gonna lie at that stage I am not making good judgement calls. Otherwise, yeah I'd likely sleep with her. Because I want to and she wants to. | |
They'd have to buy me dinner first. Yeah I'd end it, I couldn't do that. Actually I don't sleep with any girl on the first date no matter how good | |
I'm glad other people see it that way and I like the comparison. You could even throw out that same awful excuse that "Someone else will buy them anyway!" | |
Fairly standard and terrible are not mutually exclusive. Also if you're going to cite his studies, do be more specific. For instance the rather well known Milgram experiment is on something completely different. Even if it has something to do with dopamine that is not going to be much of an excuse to say the experiment particularly applies to this. | |
In my opinion moral responsibility falls upon the married person since at the end of the day they are making the active decision to cheat on their significant other. Not to say that I would without question sleep with the person but if after questioning I could understand and accept the motives/circumstances of her situation (a significant conditional), I wouldn't feel guilty about having done so. | |
That makes two of us. All these other replies are hitting so many nerves, I almost wish I'd never posted. This is where I would gladly use that cliche of "wishing I didn't live on this planet anymore, loss of faith in humanity, people are severely lacking" blah blah blah... | |
Point is people generally like to hold themselves in high regard, yet when the situation actually comes down to it, many people will break their ethical standards. I don't think it's fair to call any average human being whose brain is essentially run by neurotransmitters terrible, they do what they do, it's human nature. If the question would have been "would you continue to flirt and start a little fondling if you knew this person was married", then you'd be more justified to question ethics, but the specifically stipulates that the fooling around has start (little fondling? maybe some rubbing and grinding going on somewhere..). At this point the dopomine is wanting to start making itself known in force and your brain lowers its inhibitions, so to speak (rats walking over electrified dose in order to recieve a spike over dopomine, for example(can't remember study, google it). I'm not saying you're a complete slave to it or anything, just that i'm willing to bet that at least half of will, given the circumstances (horniness) of the question and give the right girl or guy, will just say "fuck it" and fuck. To put it bluntly. /'Cos that what human beings are. | |
I probably wouldn't do it but only because it saves me trouble, not because of any moral reasons. The thing is, I don't really care. She obviously wants it and I really don't think that I'm responsible for the "sanctity" of their marriage. | |
I can't believe so many of you are like, "ohh, well, hmm, I guess it depends how drunk I am, and on the situation, and the state of their relationship", etc. etc. Like that excuses anything! If you're really dependent on THAT to settle your conscience, consider that the person in question is possibly a: lying, b: twisting the facts to make them the victim or c: genuinely needs help and you two screwing isn't going to solve anything. You don't have to be the married one for it to be cheating, and thus, becoming a cheater. It's like throwing your rigged dice into the middle of a dice game that you weren't even a part of until that moment, or... some good analogy! If I wouldn't sleep with my classmate's girlfriend even if they've been broken up for a week (as an example), then you bet your ass I'm opposed to knowingly taking part in a cheating scenario! Best case, you and this man or woman have a great sexy time, you both go away feeling satisfied and the significant other never knows; you'd still be a horrible person. Worst case, the rightfully vengeful spouse will come and cut off your genitals in the night or something. Ouch! Besides, the idea that the whole scenario rests on them and you're the innocent one is just utterly flawed. You should consider that by allowing them to do that with you you're included in all the mess that happens afterwards. You get a huge opportunity if they tell you the truth beforehand; you can get up and walk out. You can wash your hands of the whole thing and if man or lady of the night wants to go and find someone ELSE who will cheat with them, that's their problem. You don't have to feel guilty about what they're doing behind their partner's back. | |
Yes, it is completely fair. If you're going to try and throw out deterministic talk about how their neurotransmitters control them, then at least be consistent and do *try* not to judge it by nonsensical standards like their free will. If all they are is run by their neurotransmitters then they should be judged by their god damn neurotransmitters. It's an absolutely cowardly excuse to go to "I can't help it" when the argument you make can be made for anything you do.
No, if you're going to play the stupid "My brain controls me" card I can apply it to everything.
I'm willing to bet that you're just pulling shit out of nowhere and deserve no respect for it. Also the amount of people who would do it does not justify it. | |
Well for me it doesn't bother me too much to see it, but I sure don't like it. =/
I wouldn't go that far, but I can understand the sentiment. I really despise the ridiculous excuses people will go to. Like pretending they can't be held accountable for it -__- | |
LOL... Oh, I wasn't really going that far. I was saying if I wanted an excuse to post statements like that, this thread would give me on. *shrugs* It bothers me to see because I don't like it. That's pretty much all. And I'd like to form an argument but I just know it would fall on deaf ears. | |
Honestly, that's a major turnoff for me. I don't like one-night stands, and that she's married tells me that a relationship's out of the question. Whether or not she's in an open marriage, the fact that she waited until then to tell me means that I would never be able to bring myself to trust her and would consider myself a fool if I did. And with that lack of trust in mind, I don't trust her not to call it rape if her husband finds out. Even ignoring that, I empathize with people too much to go through with it under those circumstances. If I did, I'm the kind of guy who'd end up regreting it. So yeah, basic reaction... her: "Btw, I'm married" ...Ok, maybe not that vehemently, but suffice to say I don't take deception well with regards to things I feel should be based on trust.
Someone saw Indecent Proposal... | |
Oh good, I don't really care for those statements, even if I can understand why people use them sometimes XD
True, I've argued it before but it people never listen about it. Always some kind of odd excuse as to why their own actions don't matter or they're not morally responsible for them -__- | |
For me it depends on the relationship status, Times I'd say yes: -Seperated/divorce in the works with both partners activly seeking others, like if they told me they knew thier ex was doing the same thing and both were ok with it Times I'd say no -If it was a secret Although admitidly finding out all that in the specific context the OP put forward is quite hard haha, so in that scenario I'd call it off, I'd need to know about these things well in advance of even leaving my seat at the bar. My opinions are actualy based on a real experience, though not 100% like the OP said but, well it was years back, was at a bar nursing a drink while my friend was dancing with a girl (I laughing at the whole drunken scene, ah to be 19 again) and a woman in her late 20's, my guess is 28/29 but I never asked, came up and asked me what I was laughing at. We got to talking then she led me over to the couches in the far corner and sat on my lap, leaned in to kiss me but just before she did she said "just so you know I'm married". I of course freaked and the first thing I nervously blurted out was "what does your husband think?!" to which she laughed and pointed to the guy across from us and said "why not ask him yourself?" I wont lie it was awkward as hell and kind of killed it for me when he introduced himself, didnt so much as touch her again that night, being so shellshocked by it but I did spend quite a nice night after that talking to the 2 of them about the whole thing. I'd known of polyamorous/open couples/swingers/whatever before from TV and things but never in person so I couldn't miss the chance to learn about it from the horses mouth so to speak. By the end of it... I wouldnt say I was convinced of the practice and dont know if I could be in a relationship like that myself but, hearing them, the way they spoke about it, how it works for them, how it keeps their relationship fresh, that love/affection/lust/whatever it is at the time is meant to be shared, your emotions shared, how humans are emotional, sensual creatures by nature, how it keeps things sexually open, allows for experimentation (which incidently is why he was there, they both have to give their "seal of approval" on sexual encounters they have, she must approve any woman he takes and vice versa) and keeps things exciting (avoiding the possible "burnout/boredom" of sleeping with the same person for the rest of your life as they put it) I could see how it would work for couples who are wired that way. We are all individuals and that same cheesy line could be applied to relationships, each one is different and I take each at its own value, particularily after talking to them. I dont judge or assume based on societies sometimes outdated views on anything and cases like this are no different, it would be based on the circumstances at the time, not what society as a whole thinks one should do in that situation. But hey thats just me and my opinions, maybe I'm an awful person XD | |
I give her money for a cab and ask her to leave. I've been the other guy once, and I'm not proud of it, but it's not something I'll knowingly do ever again. | |
LOL, that sounds like something some douche/bitch would say to try to make cheating seem "not that bad" OT: Me? I don't like the idea of one night stands. Though I'm a virgin so I don't have any experience, I think I'd like my sex to be meaningful. Though if I were put in that situation I'd probably kick her out, in fear that the spouse will get his friends to come break my legs, but also doing that is unethical. Lives and Families shouldn't be ruined just because you want to jerk off. Also, I'd feel my attraction to the the women you vanish if she told me that. | |
No. I'd feel horrible for it getting there to begin with. "Causal sex" is something I've always find disagreeable, so I'd be in a double bad situation. | |
Reference as many scientists as you like, I still don't think that's just "how it is". Basically, the thing that separates man from, say, a lovestruck baboon is that we have more to us than that. We have hormones, and we're pulled by our genitals or our stomachs in different directions, but we also have moral systems. We have rules of society and behaviour that each person crafts for themselves. The question here is about morals, and whether or not one should do it. Of course not! It would be a rare and personal set of rules that would allow sleeping with another person's spouse. If the majority would say that it's wrong, and you do it anyway, then that makes you responsible for your actions. Nobody should have to go into a lab mid-coitus and get their dopamine levels checked to see if they're above the certified "OK" levels. We just know it's not right and act accordingly. Say someone is craving meat, because the iron in their body is getting low. Say this person is also opposed to eating any creature. They can recognize that their body needs something that meat provides, and pass by the McDonald's and the butcher shop and the sandwich stall on their way home to eat a meal that will provide what they need because they are a THINKING creature. They can hold themselves to a higher standard than a jealous squirrel, because we have societal rules. A generous squirrel could starve if it didn't violently jump on the acorn that another squirrel is eyeing. I would hope a human being can stop rubbing and start walking rather than finish their knowingly reprehensible act! | |
No? What idiot would say yes? There is no dilemma when you think about it. | |
Stop... tis cheating with the woman then.. and you could be in for some big consequences from the husband .. and its just not the right thing to do in my opinion. | |
Nah, i promised myself never to do one night stands => not worth => I feel awful about myself so just on those grounds no | |
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If you are single it doesn't matter if they aren't except if it bothers you. It is perfectly acceptable to say No. That just makes you a good person. Anyone that "tells the spouse" is a cunt of an unusual size who was probably cheated on at some point and never really got over it. I'd also point out they are behaving a vindictive prick and likely single for a reason.
Sometimes in a marriage there are kids to consider, and I would argue that the greater good is to leave well enough alone and walk away. If it bothers you, feel free to cut the cheater down to size before leaving because that cheater is basically a horrible human being and if they are unhappy they need to leave their current relationship or seek help. There is, however, no reason to put on a pair of rubber boots, a beach towel cape and pretend you are the Social Avenger. You aren't a super hero, the big S on your chest stands for Simple.
That is actually one of the base problems in our society, people give too much of a shit about things that don't matter and not enough about things that do matter. Social fucking crusaders have all their marbles mixed up. We expel 4th grade children from school for bringing butter knives in their lunches and nobody cares. That kid and his family are now in a huge fucking bind not because of a mistake but because of bad policy. We find out that Brad pit cheated on Angelina Jolie and a magazine sells a hundred thousand extra copies. Simple fucks.