I'm the creepy ex-boyfriend

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So there's this girl...

We had an internet relationship for a few months and eventually met in person, but now it's over. She's unfriended me on facebook, doesn't go on skype, and doesn't seem to be anywhere on the internet anymore. I loved (and still love) her. I miss her like crazy. I wonder how she's doing, if she has a new boyfriend, or if she's happy. I want to know she's okay. I sometimes google her name a lot to make sure she didn't randomly die or anything because that sort of thing would pop up on the internet. Her facebook page is bookmarked in my browser and I can still see some of her profile and pictures because of her lax privacy settings and because I'm still friends with one of her friends. The little box in the corner says "friend request sent" from back when she unfriended me and I thought it was a glitch or something.

Is there anything I can do? I want to message her and I want to message her friend to ask about her. I'm worried I'll get fully blocked and I'll lose the last little thread of contact entirely.

I dreamed about her last night. I still have her number in my phone, but I'm not nuts enough yet to call it. It's probably a good thing I don't drink alcohol.

Don't contact her. I'm sorry to say this, but it's pretty obvious that she doesn't want to talk to you anymore.

1.
Why do you post basically the same thread twice in a couple of days? In different sections of the forum?

2.
GFTOG.
Probably the most powerful tool for getting over a girl.
It works perfectly.

Just Go Fuck Ten Other Girls and you will be over her before you are probably half way there. Just trying lets you meet a lot of girls, and every single one of them makes your feelings for that other one dim.

Hey, it's been a solid 16 days since I posted a similar thread... Fuck it, never mind. Sorry.

zelda2fanboy:
Hey, it's been a solid 16 days since I posted a similar thread... Fuck it, never mind. Sorry.

So did she like you until you met? Or was it you drifted apart well after you met?

Umm, yea. Might be best to just accept it and do your damndest to move on. It sounds like she really isn't interested anymore, but its kinda hard to say without the details. Just seriously, delete her pages from your bookmarks, don't go lurking around trying to find her, and just accept that she may or may not be doing okay. Hanging around like that after a breakup probably isn't healthy...

Matthew94:

zelda2fanboy:
Hey, it's been a solid 16 days since I posted a similar thread... Fuck it, never mind. Sorry.

So did she like you until you met? Or was it you drifted apart well after you met?

Probably the former with a little of the latter. We almost immediately had sex upon meeting. Then we went out to eat. Then we had sex the next morning. Then we hung out with her friend all day, then we went back to the hotel room and had more sex. She asked me to write her as soon as I got home, which I did. But then after that, less and less and less, until she facebook deleted me. That was right before she went on her regular trip out of state where she was planning to have sex with this friend of a friend she liked. I knew I wasn't really her boyfriend anymore and I knew she really wanted to do it, so I didn't have too much of a problem. Whatever made her happy. I wanted to stay friends. I talked to her a couple of times after that, then nothing.

Maybe the fact that I still had feelings for her made her cut me off. I dunno. I think I offered to never message her again if I could still be facebook friends. She told me she felt used because it was my first time with a girl. I wish I could tell her how much I still cared. And if not, at least know she's alright.

Again, I make these threads too damn often. One thread is too many. Sorry.

Sounds like she didn't give you proper closure.
Dickish thing to do.

You need to put it behind you, man. Not much else you can do.

It's either that or track her down and force her to explain herself so you can have closure.

Leave her alone.

She ended your relationship for one reason or another but she's made it clear she doesn't want continued contact. Respect her decision and stop looking at her pages and stuff like that.
In the end you are only hurting yourself.

It's only creepy if you start dating her sister and saying how similar they are.

Being serious, you should leave her alone, as it doesn't look like she wants to talk to you, and this will help you move on. Maybe try meeting some new people who might be interested in a relationship.

Jonluw:
Sounds like she didn't give you proper closure.
Dickish thing to do.

You need to put it behind you, man. Not much else you can do.

It's either that or track her down and force her to explain herself so you can have closure.

If he acts that way why exactly would she feel like giving him any more closure? I'd assume she'd want to just flee. You seem to assume she has no reason at all for it.

The more you think about it, the closer to doing something you'll ultimately regret you'll be. Let it go man. Its hard, it sucks, I've been there. The thing is there are millions of girls out there who can make you happy and want you to make them happy. You just have to look or, if you're lucky, maybe they will come your into your life unexpectedly. You just have to be ready for it.

Dwelling on this relationship which is, face it, never going to happen again is doing you no good. I'm not going to say go sleep with ten other girls to forget her or something like that. It's something you have to move on from on your own. In the meantime pick up a controller or keyboard and play some video games. Have fun!

Mortai Gravesend:

Jonluw:
Sounds like she didn't give you proper closure.
Dickish thing to do.

You need to put it behind you, man. Not much else you can do.

It's either that or track her down and force her to explain herself so you can have closure.

If he acts that way why exactly would she feel like giving him any more closure? I'd assume she'd want to just flee. You seem to assume she has no reason at all for it.

what is your avatar from?

Mortai Gravesend:

Jonluw:
Sounds like she didn't give you proper closure.
Dickish thing to do.

You need to put it behind you, man. Not much else you can do.

It's either that or track her down and force her to explain herself so you can have closure.

If he acts that way why exactly would she feel like giving him any more closure? I'd assume she'd want to just flee. You seem to assume she has no reason at all for it.

What do you mean by "that way"?
Are you referring to the way OP describes himself as acting, or the suggestion in my post?
If it's the latter, I should perhaps specify that it was a joke.

If the former: It doesn't seem to me that the OP did anything to warrant her leaving him without closure.
Sure, he acts creepy now, but this is after the fact.
Still, we aren't getting the whole story.

Jonluw:

Mortai Gravesend:

Jonluw:
Sounds like she didn't give you proper closure.
Dickish thing to do.

You need to put it behind you, man. Not much else you can do.

It's either that or track her down and force her to explain herself so you can have closure.

If he acts that way why exactly would she feel like giving him any more closure? I'd assume she'd want to just flee. You seem to assume she has no reason at all for it.

What do you mean by "that way"?
Are you referring to the way OP describes himself as acting, or the suggestion in my post?
If it's the latter, I should perhaps specify that it was a joke.

If the former: It doesn't seem to me that the OP did anything to warrant her leaving him without closure.
Sure, he acts creepy now, but this is after the fact.
Still, we aren't getting the whole story.

The way he acts, not your suggestion. Sorry now I realize that wasn't very clear. He's seemed a bit obsessive for a while now, but I guess he might have appeared less so before.

It sounds like she used you anyway. Your relationship was described as "Sex, sex, food, more sex, letters, then she got bored and went and fucked someone else."

Sounds like she didn't have any feelings for you in the first place. Get over her, she's not worth the trouble.

Why not get out there and look for somebody who isn't going to shag you within a few hours of meeting and then pass you off? They can't be that hard to find!

You need to accept that she doesn't want you any more. This may be hard to take, but it will most likely happen to you many more times in your life, just accept it.

Well at least you're not stalking her.

Don't know what to say really other than accept that it's over and move on. Granted I don't mean date someone already but do let yourself heal over it.

theparsonski:

Why not get out there and look for somebody who isn't going to shag you within a few hours of meeting and then pass you off? They can't be that hard to find!

You'd be surprised. Closest person to a girlfriend I've had in my 25 years of life. And I've never gotten the opportunity to sleep with anyone else.

Scarim Coral:
Well at least you're not stalking her.

If she lived closer, I probably would be. :/

Mortai Gravesend:

The way he acts, not your suggestion. Sorry now I realize that wasn't very clear. He's seemed a bit obsessive for a while now, but I guess he might have appeared less so before.

You're right. I wish I wasn't like this and I don't know how to shake it. There isn't enough distraction in the world and every spare moment is spent thinking about her. If there were other people in my life, it probably wouldn't seem like such a big deal, but there aren't, so it does.

zelda2fanboy:

theparsonski:

Why not get out there and look for somebody who isn't going to shag you within a few hours of meeting and then pass you off? They can't be that hard to find!

You'd be surprised. Closest person to a girlfriend I've had in my 25 years of life. And I've never gotten the opportunity to sleep with anyone else.

Scarim Coral:
Well at least you're not stalking her.

If she lived closer, I probably would be. :/

Mortai Gravesend:

The way he acts, not your suggestion. Sorry now I realize that wasn't very clear. He's seemed a bit obsessive for a while now, but I guess he might have appeared less so before.

You're right. I wish I wasn't like this and I don't know how to shake it. There isn't enough distraction in the world and every spare moment is spent thinking about her. If there were other people in my life, it probably wouldn't seem like such a big deal, but there aren't, so it does.

Eh. I don't wish to be mean but you are sending some major red flags up.
I would do yourself a favour and take up a hobby or something. If you find yourself thinking about her, immeadiately do something else to take your mind off it. Do not continue this.
Not only will you just hurt yourself, I am willing to bet you will be shooting yourself in the foot over any chance at a new relationship.

If she doesn't want to talk to you, then she doesn't wan tot talk to you.

This is going to sound harsh but it sounds like you might need some harsh words:

You need to man the fuck up.

I had a roommate who was in the same exact situation as you. He was engaged to this girl for a year when (he claims) she broke up with him because he got pissed off and yelled at her while she was talking during a movie. The reasons why are not important (and there's never one reason).

He completely ruined his life and made the lives of people around him a giant pain in the ass because of this. He stopped going to class and just sat around. A song comes on the radio that reminds him of his girlfriend and he wants us to change the station (and I swear to fucking God that EVERY OTHER GOD DAMN SONG reminded him of his girlfriend). Every one of us just got tired of his whiny ass attitude and eventually he got left alone. I have no clue what happened to him or if he ever got over it for as soon as that semester was over, I was out that door since he was such a pain in the ass to talk to.

Point is: You can sit back and cry in your beer until you end up like my depressing roommate or you can man up and move on. No one can fix this for you and all you're going to do is ruin your own life but trying to force the issue. You got kicked off the horse so are you going to get back on or just sit there and cry in the dirt?

Now for what will hopefully be more practical (and far less harsh) advice: Trash everything that is hers. Trash your Facebook friend request, trash her number from your phone, trash her emails, trash her photos/stuff around (or baby steps at the very least, put that stuff in storage). Find something to do. Play some video games, go to the hobby shop and get into Magic, learn to fish, learn to make meth (OK, maybe not that) but find something to do. The best way to break an addiction (and let's face it, that's what you're dealing with here based on what you're telling us) is to lose the free time that let's you think about it.

I hope something I've said helps. Good luck.

I sorta had the same problem with this girl back in High School. After I graduated, she sort of broke off contact from me. She didn't answer my texts and she un-friended me on Facebook. What made this worse was that she got married to some other guy six months after I graduated.

Ending something without proper closure sucks.

I eventually got over her though, and you probably should too. By that I mean the girl you're interested not the one I was interested in. That would be weird. >->

Jonluw:
Sounds like she didn't give you proper closure.
Dickish thing to do.

You need to put it behind you, man. Not much else you can do.

It's either that or track her down and force her to explain herself so you can have closure.

Pretty much this.

Jonluw:

It's either that or track her down and force her to explain herself so you can have closure.

I would seriously suggest not doing this. From the sounds of it she wants no contact, respect her decision. Turning up on her door will just make you look desperate at best and unhinged at worst.

Phasmal:

Jonluw:

It's either that or track her down and force her to explain herself so you can have closure.

I would seriously suggest not doing this. From the sounds of it she wants no contact, respect her decision. Turning up on her door will just make you look desperate at best and unhinged at worst.

To be fair, I wasn't suggesting pleading for her to take him back. Just to ask for closure.

In related news: Noone's getting my jokes today. What the hell is wrong? Have I reached a deadpan singularity and just flooded the forums with overly subtle jokes, or have people always had this much trouble catching my jokes?

As I said in the last of these threads, stop posting about it so much. Nobody here is going to have some magical fix that will make you feel better. All you're doing is constantly reminding yourself about her.

Also, and this is going to sound really harsh, you were not her boyfriend. You were not in a committed relationship. From what you've described you spent about two days together, most of which consisted of the two of you having sex. Not to mention, when you two went out it had to be with one of her friends. You two never really had any time alone together where you could just get to know each other. This is a girl you had sex with a couple of times and "dated" once. She was not your girlfriend.

You are kind of stalking her. Keeping her Facebook page bookmarked and doing a search for any news of her online is pretty bad. That, and you've also admitted you would be stalking her if you lived closer. It's clear she wants nothing to do with you anymore, otherwise she wouldn't have removed you from her Facebook.

Finally, maybe you need to get some professional help. It's clear there is something more going on here. Yes, it is always difficult to get over someone, but you seem to be actively trying not to get over someone you "dated" for a couple of days.

I'm seriously starting to believe you're just an attention-seeker hoping we'll all start going "Oh poor Zelda2Fanboy... how DARE that mean woman treat you like that. You are so hard done by!!!".

(Note: I put dated in quotation marks because I do not consider what you have described as dating).

Jonluw:

Phasmal:

Jonluw:

It's either that or track her down and force her to explain herself so you can have closure.

I would seriously suggest not doing this. From the sounds of it she wants no contact, respect her decision. Turning up on her door will just make you look desperate at best and unhinged at worst.

To be fair, I wasn't suggesting pleading for her to take him back. Just to ask for closure.

In related news: Noone's getting my jokes today. What the hell is wrong? Have I reached a deadpan singularity and just flooded the forums with overly subtle jokes, or have people always had this much trouble catching my jokes?

Sorry, I didn't consider it a joke because guys actually do this. Lol.
Had it done to me. Stayed off college for a month after my break up and the first day I was back my ex tracked me down at lunch to tell me how I'd ruined his life.

Phasmal:

Jonluw:

Phasmal:

I would seriously suggest not doing this. From the sounds of it she wants no contact, respect her decision. Turning up on her door will just make you look desperate at best and unhinged at worst.

To be fair, I wasn't suggesting pleading for her to take him back. Just to ask for closure.

In related news: Noone's getting my jokes today. What the hell is wrong? Have I reached a deadpan singularity and just flooded the forums with overly subtle jokes, or have people always had this much trouble catching my jokes?

Sorry, I didn't consider it a joke because guys actually do this. Lol.
Had it done to me. Stayed off college for a month after my break up and the first day I was back my ex tracked me down at lunch to tell me how I'd ruined his life.

If she'd lived nearby I wouldn't have considered the idea so ridiculous.

It is reasonable to demand an explanation if someone just ends your relationship without saying anything. It's not mentally healthy to deal with that stuff without proper closure and being able to understand what happened.

What makes my joke a joke is that she lives far away from him. As in "so far away it'd be serial murder level creepy to track her down" far.

Dude, just... go wank or something.
Seriously, you're sounding kind of creepy right about now.

zelda2fanboy:

Scarim Coral:
Well at least you're not stalking her.

If she lived closer, I probably would be. :/

Dude......not cool, take up drinking or something, I know its bad for you but this is, sorry to say, is really fucking creepy...

edit; also get rid of everything to do with her..it may be possible the only reason you like her is because she was the first one you had sex with?

Probably the former with a little of the latter. We almost immediately had sex upon meeting. Then we went out to eat. Then we had sex the next morning. Then we hung out with her friend all day, then we went back to the hotel room and had more sex. She asked me to write her as soon as I got home, which I did. But then after that, less and less and less, until she facebook deleted me. That was right before she went on her regular trip out of state where she was planning to have sex with this friend of a friend she liked. I knew I wasn't really her boyfriend anymore and I knew she really wanted to do it, so I didn't have too much of a problem. Whatever made her happy. I wanted to stay friends. I talked to her a couple of times after that, then nothing.

ew... anyway, she's a whore. that's why she deleted you. if you have any intelligence at all, do not try to make any more contact with her. you're only going to hurt yourself. get over it.
she wasn't looking for a friend, she was looking for a "good time" and now she's bored of you. it's a shame really... i feel sorry for you...
anyway some advice, you NEED to meet/talk with other people, other girls specifically. i know it maybe hard but you gotta try!

Yeah, I got nothing really to add here.
Sucky things suck.

oh, and this

Well, commiserate and learn the dance. It helps to know your never the only one.

MasochisticAvenger:
As I said in the last of these threads, stop posting about it so much. Nobody here is going to have some magical fix that will make you feel better. All you're doing is constantly reminding yourself about her.

Also, and this is going to sound really harsh, you were not her boyfriend. You were not in a committed relationship. From what you've described you spent about two days together, most of which consisted of the two of you having sex. Not to mention, when you two went out it had to be with one of her friends. You two never really had any time alone together where you could just get to know each other. This is a girl you had sex with a couple of times and "dated" once. She was not your girlfriend.

You are kind of stalking her. Keeping her Facebook page bookmarked and doing a search for any news of her online is pretty bad. That, and you've also admitted you would be stalking her if you lived closer. It's clear she wants nothing to do with you anymore, otherwise she wouldn't have removed you from her Facebook.

Finally, maybe you need to get some professional help. It's clear there is something more going on here. Yes, it is always difficult to get over someone, but you seem to be actively trying not to get over someone you "dated" for a couple of days.

I'm seriously starting to believe you're just an attention-seeker hoping we'll all start going "Oh poor Zelda2Fanboy... how DARE that mean woman treat you like that. You are so hard done by!!!".

(Note: I put dated in quotation marks because I do not consider what you have described as dating).

Yeah, I don't know why I make these dumb threads. I think it's low self esteem with a touch of masochism. I want to get yelled at and told I'm a creep and a loser. I don't like being like this. And like others have said, it undermines any other potential relationships. What if somehow a girl knew I used this handle online? She'd find all of my whiny crap and never speak to me again.

I guess I want to see what healthy people are like. What a reasonable response to this scenario would be if I were normal, etc. I'd love to go fuck the pain away or have friends/hobbies/job to get me away from my computer. Instead, all I want to do is worship this one interaction from now until the end of time. It's a wonder I haven't built a creepy shrine yet. This is how people get to that point, I imagine.

Sorry to add nothing original to the thread, but it sounds like the relationship is well and truly over. From what you've said it seems like she wants the relationship to be well and truly over. If you do love her you should respect her and try to move on, rather then what you're doing now and pining over her. She won't feel the same way you do, so it's time to move on.

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