tell me something...anything

sitting in front of me is an empty notebook, it has 100 pages. I would like you to help me fill its pages. Just tell me one story that you think is cool. even if its cool only to you and nobody else. No names need included, the only thing i ask is that the story be 100 hundred percent true. It can be a story of a loss, perhaps even a story of just how you won a tournament. i want to collect these stories and write them down. Finally i would ask you leave an alias with your story. not your user nae but a first and last name of your choosing. Finally, if you want to know why i want these, suffice to say its my penance.

I'll tell you a tale. Not a particularly interesting one and some may look down on it.

Just remember we were young and young army lads sometimes make stupid wagers.

Anywhoooo.

We were on leave after being part of the very last tour of Northern Ireland and decided that after 6 months of no beer and women that we needed ... well ... beer and women.

But drinking and pulling happens all the time so we decided to make it a bit more "interesting" and placed bets on who could pull the ugliest lass.

So we went through a few pubs and got to the club, Richie was winning at this point (he'd copped off in the last bar we were in and the lass had a monobrow and quite thick hairs poking out of her nose ... it was quite scary).

About 45 minutes after getting to the club Rob was on the dancefloor playing tonsil tennis with a lass when Dean (who was the money holder) takes out the cash, walks up to Rob and hands it to him.

Rob came over and asks why because he thought she was quite a bonny lass.

Dean points up at a poster just next to the bar.

Rob had been locking lips with the drag act.

He never lived it down and still gets mocked to this day.

Adam Ripley.

I once played chicken with a bullet train.

If you have to ask how it ended, uhhh...I won.

Well i'm currently trying to tweak my build for Irelia in League of Legends... Taking Philo Stone, Heart of Gold and Merc Treads is a must but after building Trinity Force should I make my Attack Speed even more insane by taking a Wit's End or something? It gives magic resist as well so it's not like i'm stacking Phantom Dancers like i'm pretending to be an AD Carry.

Dunno, just feel like I should take one more AD/AS item before stacking as much health, armour and magic resist as I can buy. Hiten Style would be amazing with super Attack Speed. The health regen would be insane.

Suppose i'll have to take a break from my surprisingly apt Jungle Nocturne and try it out in a few games.

Hmmmm, choices, choices. If only every Champion could be built AP then i'd know what to build... If only RoA wasn't so soulcrushing to build.

This does count as a story right? Of course it does.

Mass Effect 3 fits in rather well with Nine Inch nails Album "Year Zero" (not having playes the ending DLC yet)

[/quote]

Now go write the most badass Christmas story ever told.

edit

Well, a couple of years ago for my High School Grad, me and my friends decided to skip out on the self-congratulatory speeches and abusively long ceremony and skip straight to the eating and drinking around a fire at one of their houses.

Well, a few hours and drinks into the night our one sober friend (there's literally no point in this friend drinking, lets just say alcohol doesn't affect him like it does the average person) remembers that his brother has a bottle of cheap whiskey that he's been meaning to get rid of. One quick trip to his place later and we're back around the fire with stronger booze to pass around. 8 shots later and I can barely stand, with my other friend beating me at 13 shots. At that point we decide we've had enough to drink and just focus on eating.

This is where things get particularly stupid. You see, being drunk has a tendency to make people dumber and I am by no means an exception to that rule. I decided, in my drunken state, that I wanted to cook some marshmallows over the fire but was too lazy to go find a marshmallow stick. My solution was to dunk my hand in the ice water we had for beers, put a bunch of marshmallows on the ends of my fingers, and shove my hand in the fire to cook the marshmallows. Amazingly, not only did my hand come out burn-free, but my marshmallows were cooked to perfection.

Oh you thought I was done? Oh no the stupidity of that night has just started at this point. We were thankfully sober enough to realize we needed to get water in our systems if we were going to wake up tomorrow and not pray for death, so I stumbled off to fill an empty 2 litre bottle with water. Naturally, after getting back and sitting down with the water, I immediately felt nature's call and stood back up to go relieve myself. During my absence my asshole friends decided to spike the water with what was left of the whiskey and let me have the whole bottle to myself. I spent the rest of the night sipping from that water bottle and wondering why the water tasted funny.

Later on, with spiked bottle in hand, our sober friend offered to give us a ride to Denny's for a (very) early breakfast. During this visit at Denny's:

-I tried eating french toast with a straw

-I was pushed out of my seat about 15 times by my other drunk friend

-Something involving "drunk aim" happened in the bathroom

-The waitress realized that my bottle of water was spiked and thankfully replaced it with normal water

-We were asked to leave because of us being a) loud and b) attempting handstands between the tables

-Our sober friend apologized for us and ran to catch up to us and drag us back to the car (we'd forgotten that he'd given us a ride and tried to walk home)

All in all, it was a pretty fun night. Funnily enough we ended up becoming regulars at that Denny's, to the point where the waitresses knew us on sight and would bring us our drinks without us needing to order them. The cherry on top though was that I was the ONLY one who woke up the next morning without a headache.

there once was a man from peru
who dreamed he was eating his shoe
he woke in a fright in the middle of the night
to find that his dream had come true

Now...here's a little story, I got tell about an Escapist Forum user you know so well,
it started way back, in history with...

Well, that's as far as it goes really :p.

About 11 months ago, I was walking back up to the village where I live. As I'm walking up this long stretch of road just after coming around a corner, this guy with an Essex accent stands in front of me, and starts shoving me, telling me in garbled chav fashion to give him my wallet. I shove him back, and he stumbles. He comes back up with one of those sword shaped letter openers in his hand and buries it in my thigh. I punch him in the face and send him sprawling. At this point, a car comes round the corner, so he picks up his letter opener, and runs off with a bloody nose.

I set off limping home, losing quite a lot of blood along the way. Fortunately, the street cleaners went along the next day, or that would have hit newspapers. All in all, I lost three pints of blood, and I'm a little underweight as it is. Fortunately, handling blood loss seems to be a talent of mine. I totter into my house and see nobody is home. I pour vodka on the wound to try to sterilize it, and then use some old towels to fashion a crude bandage. I then spent the next couple of weeks pretty bed ridden, but nobody was suspicious.

The scar sucks balls, though. It's not even a good one. Curse my body's efficient healing!

Binnsyboy:
snip

Similar story to me.
A few years a go i was walking home from high school.
taking a short cut across empty lot i saw two guys who looked like they where upto no good
i wasnt too worried, i mean if you locked up everyone in my town who looked like they where upto no good, the place would be empty.

However when our paths crossed, roughly halfway across the lot.
they stopped me and demanded any money/electronics ect I had
when i refused, one of them (who looked like a crack head if i ever saw one)
uppercut me to the jaw, i retaliated by breaking his nose.
his friend pulled a knife and threatened me with it (something along the lines of hand it over or ill fucking stab you, my head was muddled from the punch but i caught the git of what he said)
The crackhead didnt take to kindly to having his nose broken and took another swing at me
i tackled him and we scuffled till knife-guy pulled me off crackhead, i proceeded to swing at knife guy, catching him on the head, he then stabbed me in the gut.

The two took off, i hurried home, which was across the road from the empty lot. where i was taken to hospital.

after two surgery's to repair the damage.

spent 3 days in hospital
and a year with extreme paranoia about the outside world.

Now whenever anyone trys the "what doesnt kill you makes you stronger" line on me i point out that i have damaged stomach muscles from the incident and it now hurts to stand up for too long, or todo any heavy lifting.

Alternative:

Binnsyboy:
snip

Similar story to me.
A few years a go i was walking home from high school.
taking a short cut across empty lot i saw two guys who looked like they where upto no good
i wasnt too worried, i mean if you locked up everyone in my town who looked like they where upto no good, the place would be empty.

However when our paths crossed, roughly halfway across the lot.
they stopped me and demanded any money/electronics ect I had
when i refused, one of them (who looked like a crack head if i ever saw one)
uppercut me to the jaw, i retaliated by breaking his nose.
his friend pulled a knife and threatened me with it (something along the lines of hand it over or ill fucking stab you, my head was muddled from the punch but i caught the git of what he said)
The crackhead didnt take to kindly to having his nose broken and took another swing at me
i tackled him and we scuffled till knife-guy pulled me off crackhead, i proceeded to swing at knife guy, catching him on the head, he then stabbed me in the gut.

The two took off, i hurried home, which was across the road from the empty lot. where i was taken to hospital.

after two surgery's to repair the damage.

spent 3 days in hospital
and a year with extreme paranoia about the outside world.

Now whenever anyone trys the "what doesnt kill you makes you stronger" line on me i point out that i have damaged stomach muscles from the incident and it now hurts to stand up for too long, or todo any heavy lifting.

You know, when you said you saw guys who were up to no good, I was half convinced you were going to break into the 'Fresh Prince of Bel Air' theme.

Anyhow, luckily, mine hasn't physically affected me in any way, so it hasn't ruined my desire to join the Royal Marines. The closest it comes to bothering me is the occasional slight tension in my thigh.

Several years ago I held a Halo 2 Basement Tournament in my basement.
We had two TVs and put back to back and two Xboxes with Halo 2 and 4 controllers each.
3 tournaments:
1v1 in a 5 life match small maps and everything on random tournament mode.
2v2 in a every group vs every group ones getting 1 point for win 0 for loss
4v4 best of 7 everyone 5 lives per round
I got to the Final in the 1v1 tournament and we got a sword sniper combination in a small map. I got killed twice, then I killed him three times, he killed me ones so we were down to 2-2 lives per person, shit was getting tence.
I killed him and was 2-1 up, I had gotten three of my kills with grenades, I was sort of a grenade master in Halo with my brother since we took a challenge to get through the game with only grenades and close combat so this was a bit to my advantage but he was damn good with the sword so it evened out a little.
I was running towards a sword when he jumps out from a hiding, he had seen me going for the sword and went for an ambush. He jumped me from the side but I noticed him just in time to turn and right as he clicked to charged I changed to plasma grenades and stucked him, o from the grave I went to win 1-0.
It was one tense final and one we still talk about when it comes to gaming experiences.
End of my story.

That fluff that accumulates in your navel comes from your clothing.

Zhukov:
The fluff that accumulates in your navel comes from your clothing.

Then what purpose do the belly-button gnomes serve?

OT: I'm a very boring person. I could tell you a bunch of in-game stories but I don't go out much and therefore don't have many a-tale to tell.

Well one time I walked into a parking lot, then a vehicle of some description hit me breaking a collarbone and 6 ribs, damaging my liver and spleen and causing internal bleeding in my lungs. Shortly after I fractured my skull on the ground. After having my last rights read to me numerous times over the next week or so I woke up and started learning how to move again.

14 years later I'm feeling fine.

Right so I used to have a friend whom I shall name Bile-y... Anyway one day me and Bile-y were sitting down at the desk in the lab and Bile-y started laughing at the fact that my family had a history of mental illness and that I would never become a doctor because of it. He then went on to brag about one of his parents being a doctor in physiotherapy. After listening to his tales I explained to him that physiotherapists were glorified masseuses who were glorified prostitutes and bile-y then proceeded to punch me in the ribs very hard. 20 minutes later when he was insulting my hair I stood up, walked away and he started telling people I was going off to cry which was especially annoying since one peeps he told happened to be a chick I had feelings for... Long story short I walked out off the room, took off my belt, came back, wrapped it round his neck and dragged him off the chair before telling him to either back off or get hurt...

We aren't friends anymore...

For my 21st birthday, my friends took me out to the bar to get me drunk and one of my friends was skilled at playing pool. One of his friends was there who also played pool and they decided to play against each other while I watched on. In one of my friend's turns he put too much power into his shot and the cue ball bounced over the pool table and the other friend's eye. He was bleeding profusely so we went to the emergency room after that, but he turned out okay. I was passed out afterwards.

I was at a local charity concert bored out of my mind. I was sitting at the far end of the balcony and could see another stairway going up to a "VIP Balcony" with a paper taped sign that said "Employees Only!!!" with a chair and a chain blocking the way. Every few minutes, a group of people would walk that way, look at the sign, and turn around and go back. That didn't seem right for human beings to be dissuaded by a piece of paper and a chain. So, when no one was looking, I tore the sign down. Then, I undid the chain. Suddenly, groups of people started moving into this new section, putting a dumb grin on my face. I didn't go up there though. You're not supposed to. :)

Then later, it was just little kids running around and one of them bounced a rubber bracelet off of my head. Then it hit a woman below and she thought I did it. Little bastard. I should have followed him and ratted him out to his dad.

My wife and I live on a 2 1/4 acre plot of land. The soil and terrain make it unusable for crops that would grow in this part of the country given our weather patterns. So we kind of live in a 'neighborhood' with other people having similar sized plots though the houses are about 1/4 mile apart in a weird sort of cul-de-sac. My wife are also foster parents so we decided to get two horses about a month ago for kids to have something to do and a chore to help with.
For the last several months coyotes have been attacking the animals in the area they even killed my neighbors outdoor cats. At about 4 am I woke up because I could here their weird barking sound and I took my shotgun and went outside they were on the other side of one of my fences barking and snarling at the horses. I was able to get about 5 feet away and peg one from there and injuring another leaving flecks of blood for me to follow.
I had to track the other three for some time. I was in my pajama pants, a t-shirt, a black cowboy hat, and my workout sneakers. My attire was an idiotic choice as sneakers are not for walking in rocky grasslands, pajama pants in 90 degree Fahrenheit weather are horrible. The t-shirt was okay except it was bright red in a sea of yellows, tans, and greens. (despite popular belief dogs and their kin CAN see color it's just very muted and bland)
At about 6:30 I was able to find their fucking den. I got close enough to hit one of them and get a shot off injuring another the one I injured was the SAME one that I injured before. I caught up with that one about 15 minutes later and it looked terrible I felt kind of guilty and was able to put it down. I listened at the den to make sure their were no pups there weren't. On close examination of the kills there sized indicated that they were possibly malnourished they definitely weren't malnourished since they'd eaten plenty of chickens and cats. I concluded they were adolescent the one I got by my horses was much larger and female.

So that is how I killed most of a coyote family leaving one alive to seek it's horrible vengeance on me years later. Whenever we hear that lonesome howl my wife says "I can hear Inigo."

Edit P.S: I'm a detective for a living and, knock on wood, I've been on a roll since then.

Ok, let's see...

I'm in 5th year of secondary school, back in first year me and my friends were basically the second lowest ranking social group in the whole school (the lowest were kept in the special needs area during lunchtimes with adult supervison.)

Now we all congregated in the courtyard, as did many other groups. One of those groups, mainly people who were chavvy enough to be chavs, but not quite chavvy enough to hang around the prince street doors, decided it would be fun to throw cans of Source (cheap piss in a can, the poor man's Red Bull) at us from the other side of the courtyard. Every day. For the whole year. Now we certainly told the Deputy Head Teachers/ Guidance teachers about it, repeatedly. Yet they did absolutely fuck all about it.

Now one day this guy who was in third year at the time threw a can of Diet Coke at me specifically, but it lands safely in front of me, he has the nerve to come and collect it for another go. I kick it at him and he picks it up and tries to throw the Coke at me but only a drop is left in there. So it's fine.He then comes back with a full can and drenches me with it. I usually have a very high tolerance for asshole-ry, but in this situation i had to do something. So I start attacking the guy.

A crowd immediately encircles us as the fight gets underway, the guy is two years older than me, bigger than me and MUCH stronger than me, he gets me in a headlock in which I have no hopes of escaping. At this point I literally think to myself "I'm bored now' and steal his retarded Dappy hat. I actually laugh my fucking ass off as he tries to reach for it, still having me in the headlock.

Eventually he gets it, and lets me go, kicking me in the stomach for good measure. The feeling of nausea quickly goes away as I saunter over to my friends, let out an exasperated sigh and say "anyway..."

One of the audience members is baffled by this making the astute observation "he like just got battered and he's saying "anyway"!"

The bitch came back and apologised about a minute later. Tired of this shit, i just shook his hand while disragrding his dumbass mouth noises. Many congratulations were recieved and the incident passed down into legend among my friends...

- John Boss

EDIT: Also, you should totally put this book in a time capsule or something once you've filled it.

A story? hmmm...

Well, a few years ago I was having a strange dream. In the dream I was a reporter in 1920s Paris (don't ask me why, the wizards will imprison me inside a newt again)
anyhoo, I was a reporter and I was investigating a series of strange disappearances that were occurring late at night. I had just interviewed the family of one of the disappeared people (conversation was weird as hell and pretty nonsensical even for the setting of the dream) when I spotted someone being dragged into the shadows of an alleyway by strange, loping and filthy figures. I follow them into the sewers and discover a strange cult of sewer dwelling hobos who were brainwashing people for some unknown purpose. So I run off to find the Gendarmes, meet a pair on patrol and tell them everything. They're scepitcal but follow me and spot another person being abducted.
So, the Gendarmes convinced, we head back to police headquarters and go back, full force into the sewers. After some very confusing events when we burst upon the central gathering of sewer hobos, I get separated from everyone and find myself in an oddly dark part of the sewer. I hear a strange rumbling sound and this black ooze starts bubbling up from the floor not ten feet away from me, building up into an amorphous shape.
I don;t know why, but I get the distinct feeling that its looking at me and I freeze, unable to move. The thing advances on me, the rumbling getting louder and louder and I'm scared out of my wits.
I then wake up, heart pounding, soaked to the bone with cold sweat and the rumbling's still there. I damn near piss myself.
After a while I realise I'm awake and that nothing's going to get me, but the rumbling still persists. I look out my bedroom window and see the bin men wheeling the bins away. The acoustics of the alley just made it sound more ominous than it really was.

Obviously I was in that state where I was just on the verge of waking up and my dream was picking up on the sounds outside. but it scared the crap out of me.
Now everytime I hear the bins being taken away I laugh at myself for that.

I had fun once.
It was awful
-Grumpius Grampicus

Imagine a knight traveling through the darkness, be it a cave or forest or castle. After hours and hours of travel he sits down at a bonfire waiting for him. He lights it, and after a moments rest, he moves on. Because that is his role, to keep the fire lit and keep moving forward.

A year or two ago at a warhammer 40k tournament.
We all descended from miles around (It was actually a few hundred kilometers, but it doesn't sound as good.) on the hosting country town on the Friday night to drink and frolic with fellow gamers before the tournament.
After much celebration and hungover wake up calls on the Saturday we began to game, yet no more than an hour after the first game began, some local law enforcement officers strolled in and arrested one of the out of town participants.
It had turned out that after leaving our Friday night drinking circle he had decided to break into our hotel managers room and threatened him with a smashed bottle. He was given until midnight that night to find a way to travel nearly 400kms back home or he would be considered in breach of his bail conditions.

Yesterday upon the stair
I met a man who wasn't there
He wasn't there again today
I wish that man would go away.

When i was 4 years old i was on my front porch with my two older brothers and we were jumping off onto the grass. The key to this is that we were jumping over a brick planter box onto the grass, After several successful jumps onto the grass i got brave and was daring my brothers to throw me from the porch onto the grass stupid i know but i thought it would be fun until i landed with the back of my head on the bricks spliting it open and leaving me with 7 stiches in the back of my head and this story is why i can no longer sleep on my back.

A couple of months ago, on the last Halloween, I went trick-or-treating with a group of friends. At first, it seemed like it's just going to be another ordinary Halloween - just like every year. Well, all that changed pretty quickly when we found a "thrown-away" sofa next to some shady house on the side of the road. We - being the idiots that we are sometimes - decided to carry the sofa to our classmate's front-yard, who happened to live nearby (the sofa wasn't very heavy, but it did take a while). We set the couch on his lawn and rang his bell. Unfortunately, his mother opened the door, and when she saw us all sitting on the sofa - trying to act all cool - she began screaming, and "kicked us out" (she was concerned about her lawn). We then took the couch up the town hill, and were about to mount it on someone's roof, when we noticed a cop driving by. We began running with the sofa (yeah, that was dumb, I know), but the cop turned our way and pulled us over. He asked us a couple of questions, and after educating us about the hazards of carrying a sofa around town on a Halloween night, he drove away - he apparently must not have seen us trying to push the couch up the person's roof.

After that little incident, we brought the sofa to a nearby grocery store, and set it near the entrance. The people walking in and out would give us odd stares - it was pretty hilarious. We sat there for a good 45 minutes before we decided to take the coach to the park (the intention was to throw it into a pond - I personally wasn't very happy with the idea). However, we never actually made it to the park. On our way - while crossing near a bar - we were approached by a group of some tipsy potheads (they weren't actually potheads, I'm just not sure how to describe them). They were laughing and making jokes about us, until one of them proposed to actually buy the Sofa (it was in a fair condition). We eventually struct a deal, and sold the couch for $40. We divided the money evenly and each of us got $10 :D

The story is pretty odd, but its "randomness" is astonishing.

There are four bases in DNA - A & T, and C & G. You'd expect the percentage of each base to be roughly 50% A/T, 50% G/C, but actually the smaller a genome is, the more A/T there is in it.

Anyway, there's a parasitic lifeform that lives inside insects, and it has a GC content of something like 70%, and no-one really has a clue why this is.

 

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