Light hearted clean jokes?

My mum is in a bit of a down mood because my sister (18) is causing a lot of drama lately, I'm trying to (and so far, succeeding) at keeping her smiling but I need some nice clean jokes to make her laugh.

Thanks :)

Why did the forty year old woman begin turning into a cat.

She started going through....menopaws

Michael Mcintyre does good clean jokes, which is the reason why I like him so much. This is one of his better, if overused, ones:

Why do trees hold on to leaves so well?

Because they're sticky!


Oh god wait, that's not light hearted... Uhhhhh...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

A Satanic Panda:
Why do trees hold on to leaves so well?

Because they're sticky!

but...they arent sticks until they break off the tree....

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.


Why did the chicken cross the road?

I dunno...Why?

OT: I've got a pretty good one, but I'm not sure if it falls under the circumstances you're looking for...Would you consider Blonde Jokes to be Light hearted?

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. While he's having a drink the giraffe falls over. He gets up to leave and the bartender says, "hey, you can't leave that lyin there." the man says, "it's not a lion its a giraffe."

Ba dum tish

Why did the condom cross the road?

oh wait never mind, sorry, my bad.

I've got one:

When you stand up, is it funny?

What is green and has wheels?

Grass, I lied about the wheels.

What do you call a pig with three "I"s?

A piiig.

How long did Cain hate his brother? As long as he was Able.
How do you stop a skunk from smelling? Hold its nose.
Is a mute pig disgruntled?
How much did the pirate pay to get his ear pierced? A buccaneer.
Is a baby bee a humbug?
What do you get if you lie under a cow? A pat on the back.
A buddhist ordered a burger and asked: "Can you make me one with everything?"
Why do Marxists like fruit infusions? Because all proper tea is theft.
What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk.
What's ET short for? He only has little legs.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can roast beef...

As a teacher I was trying to get my students to understand what a "pun" was. I gave them ten examples but was not successful. They could not understand any of them. You might say that no pun in ten did.

Patient: "Doctor, I keep hearing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home' in my head."
Doctor: "That's called Tom Jones Syndrome."
Patient: "Is it common?"
Doctor: "It's not unusual..."

"Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?"
"The backstroke, Sir."

"Waiter what's the meaning of this bug in my soup?"
"I wouldn't know, Sir. I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller."

and kinda gross:

"Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!"
"Impossible, Sir, the chef used them all in the raisin bread."

"A man walked into a bar...ouch."

And if you accept stereotype jokes as 'clean': "So an Irishman walks out of a bar.....Don't look at me like that, it could happen!"

(If you don't get this one, say it out loud): Question: "How do you catch a unique rabbit?" Answer: "Unique up on it". Follow-up Question: "How do you catch a tame rabbit?" Answer: "Tame way. Unique up on it."

If your mom likes Katy Perry:

Katy Perry's Movie Part of Me? Saw it last friday night. While I was there, I saw some California Girls there; compared to them, I looked like E.T. Saw some Fireworks beforehand,so i was tired during the previews, but when the movie started, I was Wide Awake. After it ended, I tried to Kiss a Girl, and liked it but she rejected me; she'll always be the one that got away.

Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks, "You know how to drive this thing?"

Ham and Eggs walk into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve breakfast here."


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