Casual sex: why the hate?

 Pages PREV 1 2 3 4 5 6 NEXT
 

I've found that too much casual sex can cause emotional problems down the line (though people who have it are generally fairly happy initially unless they were forced into it). It seems very easy for one person to get hurt as well if they develop deeper feelings. What's more, people often try to use sex to replace something else in their life or to drown out their problems, and that's when issues really start to crop up. I think a lot of this might just correlate to personality type too. All in all I don't think casual sex is a big deal, but having a lot of it is sort of like playing with fire. Note that these are just PERSONAL observations on my part. I'm not going to back them up with research so don't ask me to.

Lionsfan:
Seriously though, I'm going to go with the "Not getting any" jealous route

On the contrary, in my case. I fail to "get any" as I actively avoid casual encounters. It's fucking horrific... I've always been the kind of dude who believes a physical union to be a recognition of ones emotions towards another manifested as a kind of organic ritual. In short, all I want is a strong relationship with someone who counter-balances me. I've had the opportunity to have casual sex many a time, I've even been told that I'm an attractive young man etc. etc. But I'm still a virgin because I don't want to lay with some "random slags" as my (far more promiscuous) best friend would refer to them. I don't hate people who advocate casual sex, I'm frustrated by them. It's not as though I made the choice to think such, either. It's just the way I am, and it is shit.

manic_depressive13:

Kordie:
Sensing more than a little sarcasm there. First I will say both men and women can be sluts. I am using slut as a term for someone who has many sexual partners. If you make the choice to have multiple sexual partners, and if that choice results in pregnancy, then yes you made the choices that resulted in the pregnenacy by virtue of acting as a slut. If you disagree with any of that and want to make an actual argument other than sarcastic comments or just disagreement with the word slut in general than go ahead. As well, there is nothing negative about being a slut. It is a choice and a way of life, saying slut is a bad word is the same as saying hippie is a bad word. There are many people who are sluts and proud and partake in things such as the Toronto Slut Walk. The whole purpose of groups like that is to say there is nothing wrong with the slut lifestyle and lobby for womens rights to act and dress the way they want with confidence.

I didn't realise. Then I guess "faggot" can refer to both straight and gay people, and "nigger" to both blacks and whites.

Or maybe the meaning of a slur doesn't change depending on how you personally choose to apply it.

The fact that there is an entire movement trying to reclaim the word just proves how hurtful it can be. Pointing to the slut works as evidence that "slut" is an acceptable word is like arguing that "nigger" must acceptable because black people say it to each other all the time.

You are going to honestly tell me you have never heard of a man-slut? That the existence of a sexually active promiscuous male is false? That no where on the planet is a man who has been called a slut? It is a slur regarding sexual activity not restricted to gender. I will concede that it is typically aimed at females but it is not exclusive to them.

I will say it again, there is nothing wrong being a slut because acting in that way is a choice. You cannot choose your skin colour or your sexual orientation. You can choose how you dress and act. The people who partake in things like the slut walk are lobbying for their freedom to act in that manor. It is more about things like victim blaming than about the word slut, they simply choose to use that word because guess what, it describes them. They aren't saying we should be free to be sluts, they are saying because we choose to be sluts we should not be unfairly discriminated against when it comes to sexual crimes.

I'm far too selfish to care about anyone other than myself and a few family members to any significant degree so casual sex is about the only kind of sex I have. Honestly, don't see anything wrong with it. Typically though it's with the same person and we have set rules in place to avoid any unwanted hang ups and it works out splendidly for both of us. We both have the vast majority of our time to ourselves and we have a reliable person we can call if we have the urge to make the beast with two backs. It's a win win!

Putting religion (whose members seem to just hate pleasure in general and would rather waste their sorry lives reading their fascist propaganda cover-to-cover, kneeling down to receive the Gary Stu of all Gary Stu's imaginary love, and harbouring paranoia of "teh gays" causing the Devil to burst through the ground and rape their children) out of the equation for a moment, I'd say that it's jealousy, assuming that anyone who has casual sex must have STDs (and the risk of unwanted pregnancies, although that's what contraception's for), or the personal belief that sex between two people should have more meaning than to get one's jollies off and never contact them again.

But that is what sex should be about. Fun. Pleasure. Recreation. None of this emotionally invested fairytale bullshit that's been hyped up. Of course, maybe the first time is, but once you get used to it, there shouldn't be this awkwardness where you absolutely have to love "that special soulmate" before you bump uglies with them.

News flash: soul mates don't exist. Not everyone has to be paired up with their opposite-sex counterpart. Sometimes people get together. Sometimes they end up liking each other a lot and give dating a try. Sometimes they fuck each other. Sometimes people change. Sometimes people get bored with each other. Sometimes people make mistakes. Sometimes people drift away from each other. And sometimes people break up and move on to the next love buddy.

Something else that pisses me off is how people seem to think that a woman dressing in revealing clothing or having casual sex means she has "no respect for herself or her body". I'm sorry, but who are you to define what "respect for your body" means, or how she even feels about it? My brother recently said that you're perfectly justified in calling a man or woman (although he focused on women, since apparently, "they demean themselves more") a "hoe" if they sleep round, because "that's what they are. It's fact." I just called him sexist, explained that they can do what they want, that they're not technically prostitutes, and left it at that.

And objectification isn't necessarily a bad thing in and of itself, contrary to popular belief. If two people go to a nightclub purely looking for sex, then yes, it's in their best interest to make it out as if that's all they're looking for. And if you're watching porn, you're not going to be thinking about this woman's personality, backstory, career and whatnot. No, you're going to be focusing on her sexual assets while you play shuttlecock so you can let off some steam.

Ultratwinkie:

So why? Why do people insist on sex with marriage?

Which question do you want answered, the one in your thread title, or this one?

I don't see a reason to wait for marriage, in fact, I don't see any non-religious purpose of marriage at all.

There are however lots of reasons why casual sex is bad. When you turn sex into a sport you miss something important that sex can be and your experience is diminished. It also leaves you more disconnected from others. And of course the more partners you have the more risk of STDs (and no, that condom isn't a magic "yeah you are safe now" device)

manic_depressive13:
I didn't realise. Then I guess "faggot" can refer to both straight and gay people, and "nigger" to both blacks and whites.

Or maybe the meaning of a slur doesn't change depending on how you personally choose to apply it.

The fact that there is an entire movement trying to reclaim the word just proves how hurtful it can be. Pointing to the slut works as evidence that "slut" is an acceptable word is like arguing that "nigger" must acceptable because black people say it to each other all the time.

More or less, yeah.

I think there is more of a movement towards "reclaiming" it, though, but yeah, not going to happen any time soon.

When your work is in public, everyone will want you to be the example to follow. You're the image. If the image doesn't follow the social norms, everyone will want a better image that fits those norms.

It's a reality that always existed and I've been told many times that I'll have to be careful when I get a teaching job. Seriously...Teachers really have to be careful on how they present themselves. Some consider it more important than what the students learns in class.

Let's see the obvious first:

USAToday:
At least one in four teenage girls nationwide has a sexually transmitted disease, or more than 3 million teens, according to the first study of its kind in this age group.
1 in 4 teen girls have STD

Women tend to commodify themselves, whether they admit this or not, and a woman depreciates the unspoken value by which she holds herself or is held (fairly or unfairly) by others when she's seen a lot of traffic.

Curt Smith:
The following explains how most men feel, and why some of us can't handle the truth.

An object that has value is worshipped, respected, cherished, and shared with very few deserving people. As soon as you start sharing that object with anyone and without care, the object starts to lose value. The more people use the object, the more it depreciates and the less bargaining power it has: this is a plain psychological fact of life.

Most women don't realize the importance men place on a woman's promiscuity. Women think that because men don't care about how many women they've slept with, they won't care about how many men their woman has slept with. But the reality is that most men (those looking for a serious relationship and not a one-night stand) do place great value on a woman's sexual restraint.

There was a time when many women cherished their bodies much like a sacred temple. Where only a noble man, one who respected and loved her, had access to her body.

But over time, it seems that women have failed to realize the important role their sexuality plays in finding a long-term mate. Thanks to the women's movement, women are so busy trying to compete with men -- including in the sex department -- that they fail to realize the consequences of their actions.

Today, it seems that women are the ones who are collecting notches on their Prada belts by giving their bodies away too easily. But if women themselves don't value their bodies like they used to, why should men?

Read more: AskMen

But then, as commodity goes, a man's earning potential is a factor (there are countless articles explaining this somewhat differently):

Scientists have found that the wealthier a man is, the more frequently his partner has orgasms

"Women's orgasm frequency increases with the income of their partner," said Dr Thomas Pollet, the Newcastle University psychologist behind the research told the Sunday Times.

If accurate, the study shows women are genetically programmed to be gold-diggers.

Dr Pollet told the Times he believes the phenomenon is an "evolutionary adaptation" that drives women to select men on the basis of their perceived quality.
Read more:News.com.au

For me it's not really either of these, not personally. I'm just really really skeeved out at the idea that somewhere out there my future wife is allowing some other man/men to do things to her mouth and body... especially if I am meant to kiss that same mouth somewhere down the road. Maybe I'll get lucky, she'll save one of their condoms and I can rinse it off and slip it on or pop it into my mouth. Disgusting? Completely, but I fail to see the difference between that and her on a physical level.

This is just how I feel about it, and not at all meant to criticize anyone's sexual practices.

Relish in Chaos:
Putting religion (whose members seem to just hate pleasure.

How bigoted of you.

Many religions embrace pleasure. Your narrow understanding and your stereotyping of all members of all religions is offensive.

You see the exact same thing around here, though I'd imagine people here have completely different reasons. Simple answer? Self validation. People want to feel better than others. A powerful aspect of human nature that fucks our species in the ass.

ZippyDSMlee:
STDs and unwanted pregnancies, why all the hate?

/lulz

There's this new invention called the condom, not sure you've heard of it...?

For the same reason sex is just a huge issue with religion and politics, people are easily wowed. I imagine sex was quite the mystic and mysterious wonder when we were dragging our knuckles and flinging poo, as was lightening and the light of the sun. Time may move on, but we don't it seems, at least not in every aspect.

I dunno maybe because of the long standing cultural belief in monogamous relationship that extends back thousands of year to (I believe) at least old testament era history. Honestly I am shocked that you haven't experienced that part of culture. It's like going through college for 4 years and suddenly asking 'hey, people are drinking on campus?' Maybe its just in the United States (although I doubt it).

Mutie:
I'll admit that this is an over-reaction, but I understand the stance. I've never got why people want to "just shag"... It seems very degrading to me.

Pretty much my stance on casual sex with a hint "I simply cannot give a shit"

templar1138a:
What I want to know is why they're making such a huge fuss over someone they won't remember two weeks after the Olympics end.

Oh, right, I forgot. People are morons. How silly of me.

This. This is the /thread post here. Not the one Syzygy was pointing to.

Random Argument Man:
When your work is in public, everyone will want you to be the example to follow. You're the image. If the image doesn't follow the social norms, everyone will want a better image that fits those norms.

There's also this. You're an athlete in the Olympics.
Expect the consequences of whatever you do to blow up in your face.

manic_depressive13:

Seriously? "Some loose slut"? Is this considered acceptable language here?

Why wouldn't it be? Considering he is not talking about women who sleep around but 'some loose slut'.

He could call her a tramp, whore, slag, hussy, trollop, strumpet, streetwalker... etc.

Doesn't change that he is calling a slut a slut.

Zhukov:
Eh, I just assume the haters are hating because they're either (a) single and not getting any or (b) married and still not getting any.

I really don't know why someone would get their knickers in a knot over other people enjoying casual sex. It fun and harmless (y'know, assuming you don't do anything stupid) and it's between consenting adults. What's to hate?

Shall we just blame religion and old prudes and move on?

^not this

I'm getting some, I'm not religious and I still don't care for casual sex, I don't hate people who are but I do hate stupid insulting statements like this, it'd be like me saying "the only people who are for casual sex are those that can't get anyone to love them for more then three days." The real answer is we have different morals for whatever reason, getting told that as a child, getting hurt by either a serious or casual relationship, or just because you find one more pleasurable then the other, and people tend to get worked up about morals we all do at some point whether it be gun control, casual sex, or sexism.

In Search of Username:

ZippyDSMlee:
STDs and unwanted pregnancies, why all the hate?

/lulz

There's this new invention called the condom, not sure you've heard of it...?

Dose not always work and dose not prevent all STDs ^^

Just saying sex comes wif responsibility and the more casual it is the less mature/adult/responsible people are, at least from my perspective.

image

No but really, I do sleep with girls are called "whores" and ya know what, they know the best moves... so I'll keep it up!

lord.jeff:

Zhukov:
Eh, I just assume the haters are hating because they're either (a) single and not getting any or (b) married and still not getting any.

I really don't know why someone would get their knickers in a knot over other people enjoying casual sex. It fun and harmless (y'know, assuming you don't do anything stupid) and it's between consenting adults. What's to hate?

Shall we just blame religion and old prudes and move on?

^not this

I'm getting some, I'm not religious and I still don't care for casual sex, I don't hate people who are but I do hate stupid insulting statements like this, it'd be like me saying "the only people who are for casual sex are those that can't get anyone to love them for more then three days." The real answer is we have different morals for whatever reason, getting told that as a child, getting hurt by either a serious or casual relationship, or just because you find one more pleasurable then the other, and people tend to get worked up about morals we all do at some point whether it be gun control, casual sex, or sexism.

So? Nobody's telling you to have casual sex. If your morals preclude it or you don't enjoy it then that's your business.

If somebody else is having casual sex because their morals don't preclude it and they do enjoy it then that's their business.

The OP was asking about people who get all upset about other people having casual sex, not to about those who are disinclined to engage in casual sex themselves.

...

And now I've written "casual sex" so many times that the phrase is starting to sound funny in my head.

I get into arguments with my mum all the time over this. If anyone else got drunk and had a one night stand nobody would care or they would be congratulated. If a celebrity does it they get into a ton of shit. My mum seems to think that earning a lot of money means you can no longer have privacy and have to be a good role model at all times. I say thats bullshit.

fatsos are jelly of skinny/welltoned athletes... who knew?

Casual sex has become more acceptable in western culture than it has in the past. Any current outcry from the public is an understandable want to keep with old style.

There is certainly a religious factor in condemning casual sex, but I also believe that there is an emotional factor. There are different kinds of love, for example (ludus, pragma...) which means that a relationship can be purely for enjoyment or a long term partnership with someone you care deeply for, or some combination of the two.

Casual sex can be viewed as an overzealous step in the wrong direction for people who believe in long-term relationships, not solely based on physical attraction. Likewise, those in it for the enjoyment will not see casual sex as anything sinister.

Another factor is the risk of pregnancy, and the risk that the two parties involved may not have the funds or resources to support any child or childs brought about through sexual intercourse. Sex after marriage usually indicates two people of a widely acceptable age who have the resources to support themselves and a family responsibly with a minimized risk of failure.

And lastly (though many people will think of this last) there is population count to consider. Casual sex across the world is now viewed as a sort of blight on humanity, and in truth it is something to consider. In many third world countries, pregnancy without a means to sustain children has resulted in immense suffering, and many western societies see this as a problem. Now, this is less of a problem in a country like America, where the society is a little more stable and there are protocols in place to support children, but this only goes so far.

My personal opinion? Casual sex by itself can be something to enjoy, so long as the people involved are prepared for the consequences. I believe in a long-term emotional relationship with another person, but that doesn't mean I can't experiment with people before marriage to figure out who that significant other might be. And on that note; sex after marriage is fine, too: It usually means that sex isn't the focus of the relationship.

[/quote]And now I've written "casual sex" so many times that the phrase is starting to sound funny in my head.[/quote]

In my head it sounds like it's being said by Chris Hansen from Dateline NBC.

Ultratwinkie:
So I was looking through the news recently when a story of an Olympian's sex life came up. It stated he had one night stands. Many Olympic athletes do.

The vitriol was sky high.

The MASSIVE response were people saying:

"Society is becoming an immoral place! Think of the kids!"

"He is a role model, he shouldn't have sex unless married!"

"Its against my personal beliefs and values! He should stop!"

"Its an immoral lifestyle that objectifies women, he is an abuser."

"His mother should be ashamed of raising a sleazebag."

And all manner of bullshit. The main theme is that even though they are fully grown adults, they become pariahs because somehow casual sex equates to a heinous crime. Its not just sex, pretty much anything abnormal is treated like you just strangled a baby. Even when the person in question was a man.

So why? Why do people insist on sex with marriage? Why can't fully grown adults make decisions for themselves without being treated as some pariah? Why is this mentality still here? And why such intolerance for a person's choices?

Why, escapist?

Because religious dogma is still present in our society and because of tradition.
I haven't met anyone who isn't religious and/or old enough to be my parent and would have a problem with that, and even the supposedly religious ones usually don't give a shit.
Even if they do give a shit, they can't do anything about it, not legally anyway.

Ever since condoms were invented, this is no longer a real issue, in my opinion.

Personally, I don't necessarily have anything against casual sex, but I doubt I'd be happy with my hypothetical girlfriend if she'd slept around before we became a relationship. I guess it's because I believe that you're leaving yourself the most vulnerable to a person when you're having sex, or something like that.

ZippyDSMlee:
Just saying sex comes wif responsibility and the more casual it is the less mature/adult/responsible people are, at least from my perspective.

How exactly is casual sex automatically less mature than sex after marriage?

In Search of Username:

ZippyDSMlee:
STDs and unwanted pregnancies, why all the hate?

/lulz

There's this new invention called the condom, not sure you've heard of it...?

What!? How long have you been sitting on this information?!

(Uh...and my captcha says "chicken soup". I don't know whether to laugh or vomit)

Zhukov:

lord.jeff:

Zhukov:
Eh, I just assume the haters are hating because they're either (a) single and not getting any or (b) married and still not getting any.

I really don't know why someone would get their knickers in a knot over other people enjoying casual sex. It fun and harmless (y'know, assuming you don't do anything stupid) and it's between consenting adults. What's to hate?

Shall we just blame religion and old prudes and move on?

^not this

I'm getting some, I'm not religious and I still don't care for casual sex, I don't hate people who are but I do hate stupid insulting statements like this, it'd be like me saying "the only people who are for casual sex are those that can't get anyone to love them for more then three days." The real answer is we have different morals for whatever reason, getting told that as a child, getting hurt by either a serious or casual relationship, or just because you find one more pleasurable then the other, and people tend to get worked up about morals we all do at some point whether it be gun control, casual sex, or sexism.

So? Nobody's telling you to have casual sex. If your morals preclude it or you don't enjoy it then that's your business.

If somebody else is having casual sex because their morals don't preclude it and they do enjoy it then that's their business.

The OP was asking about people who get all upset about other people having casual sex, not to about those who are disinclined to engage in casual sex themselves.

...

And now I've written "casual sex" so many times that the phrase is starting to sound funny in my head.

I did answer that question, it's moral, morals are sacred and define a major portion of who we are so offending them is a big deal, that's why people get worked up about it you offend their morals, now which side is right or whether we should even care about it in general is a different question.

Naeras:

ZippyDSMlee:
Just saying sex comes wif responsibility and the more casual it is the less mature/adult/responsible people are, at least from my perspective.

How exactly is casual sex automatically less mature than sex after marriage?

Short answer? It's not, but marriage often brings benefits to counter the risks of casual sex.

To me its not about sex without marriage. Its not so much about morals than it is cheapening an act of love. Why they call it making love... A public figure, a role model for kids shouldn't really be running around promoting casual sex. Its just as bad as putting these 16 and Pregnant shows on TV.
I don't seek to judge what people do behind closed doors but thats the whole point. Its private, behind closed doors for a reason and throwing it out there as a role model gives younger impressionable kids the idea that sex with random partners is ok, when it can cause problems.
Just personally every time I had sex without being committed to a person it didn't mean anything to me and I could have jerked off with the same effect without the chance to get a girl pregnant. Thankfully there aren't a bunch of little me's running around (yes I did use protection but there's no surefire way of preventing pregnancy except by vasectomy or NOT HAVING SEX).
Also bragging about how many women (or men) one sleeps with seems to me a sign of personal inadequacy issues... How many one has slept with means little to nothing in life except perhaps if you're keeping score of how many times you didn't get a girl pregnant or how you avoided (or didn't) the clap, HIV/AIDS, Herpes, etc.
If you enjoy sex, fine do it with whoever you want really but keep it between you and the person you're with.

They're called opinions, people are welcome to them. So long as people don't end up getting bounced from the olympic teams for it, this is nothing to get upset over.

TheRookie8:
Short answer? It's not, but marriage often brings benefits to counter the risks of casual sex.

While that statement actually involves quite a lot of "ifs", thanks for throwing in that "often" in that sentence so that the statement isn't actually wrong.
Although I'd replace the word "marriage" with "long term relationships".

I think at least some of it has to do with the fact that far too many people are too stupid to use proper protection when the fuck around, and I understand dissapproving of it with that reasoning.
But apart from that I've never understood this mindset either, yeah some people are just whores, but unless one of the two (or more if you've somehow managed that) people is there against their will, nothing bad is happening to anyone. Least of all you who's not associated with anyone involved in any way.

lord.jeff:

Zhukov:
So? Nobody's telling you to have casual sex. If your morals preclude it or you don't enjoy it then that's your business.

If somebody else is having casual sex because their morals don't preclude it and they do enjoy it then that's their business.

The OP was asking about people who get all upset about other people having casual sex, not to about those who are disinclined to engage in casual sex themselves.

...

And now I've written "casual sex" so many times that the phrase is starting to sound funny in my head.

I did answer that question, it's moral, morals are sacred and define a major portion of who we are so offending them is a big deal, that's why people get worked up about it you offend their morals, now which side is right or whether we should even care about it in general is a different question.

How does it offend your morals if someone lives differently to you in a way that doesn't hurt anybody?

Smells like good ol' fashioned bigotry to me.

 Pages PREV 1 2 3 4 5 6 NEXT

Reply to Thread

This thread is locked