Is your virginity worth saving?
Yes, case closed!
21% (138)
21% (138)
No, if you don
78.4% (514)
78.4% (514)
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Poll: Is your virginity worth saving?

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Zhukov:
Oh Gawd.

What the hell for? God doesn't give you bonus XP for "saving yourself" for "that special someone".

Hell, wouldn't you prefer to actually know what you were doing when/if you do finally encounter Mr/Miss Right?

Yeah and what the fuck happens when you save yourself for that special wedding night and then it turns out you and your partner are completely incompatible in bed?

You should know these things before you get fucking married.

Losing your virginity isn't like losing the remote. You lose it you lose it. It is something you should lose but you should lose it when you're ready. And I suggest you find a women or man you love before you lose it. It feels better knowing someone you love took it rather than the tramp you picked up that one night you were drunker than Charlie sheen on Tuesday afternoon. Give it to someone you feel you can trust.
I know I say this so stupidly much it has probably lost all value but, don't do anything stupid you'll regret this time

Mhh. Up to the people involved, and what they personally feel comfortable with, to my mind. Different belief systems or ethical or moral codes don't always agree. So long as you aren't harming others, far as I'm concerned I've no place to force you to follow mine...nor you any right to force me to follow yours. My own moral code does not have any issue with pre-marital sex, so long as those involved are honest with eachother and others and willing participants. It is not Christianity based, as I am not a member of that faith. In fact, my own beliefs suggest its better to have some experience with your partner before you choose to bind yourselves together for a theoretical lifetime. Knowing what you're getting into, who you're dealing with...their likes, their dislikes, and your own, before you go and make a commitment that's hopefully for a lifetime seems...rational, and healthy for both of you.

The first time is bad and awkward and should be done with someone you care about and who cares about you (embarrassing moments are best not shared with strangers). Marriage is 100% optional and I see no reason not to have sex with your first love or anyone else after that.

Is virginity in any way shape or form important? No. (Unless religion/culture dictates. - Led to many interesting conversations on the subject of boys, relationships, sex and marriage with my girls when I was working in Oman this time last year!)

However, sex is better the better you know your partner and they know you.

captcha is blatant advertising... "describe this brand with any word(s)" - I chose wankstain. Have THAT!

DarkRyter:
Your virginity only has the value you attribute to it.

Unless you're an attractive girl. In which case, Japanese and Middle Eastern businessmen will pay a steeeep price for it.

Depressing note aside, this is correct.

I place high value on my virginity for various reasons, so yeah, I'll keep it for when I'm married.

If you don't place value on your virginity, then why bother?

I think so, personally, but I believe it comes down to personal preference. I don't marriage is the best way to think about it though...my advice would be to save it for if you love someone. I see sex as the purest physical representation of love, so I think love should determine whether you engage in sex. I'm kind of a soppy romantic though.

However, if other people want to engage in it just for enjoyment, go for it. It's not really my business to tell them how to run their lives.

I just...why not? Like, really, besides the whole "god will be pissed" thing, what is the downside to having sex before marriage, and with other people. I have been with other people, and my gf has been with other people. I don't care, she doesn't care, so why should god care?

I'd almost say the opposite if OP, that it's not a testament to your strength, not having sex with anyone before your spouse, but a detriment, because you have no experience, no bar, nothing to measure against and learn from, meaning that you might not be fulfilling your significant other. Not that sex should be "practice" but I think it's safe to say that those who do save themselves, might not be seeing the true importance of sex in a relationship.

This reminds me of something my dad once said about this subject... "Would you buy a car before you have a chance to try it out?" While I do say no to the poll, I just want EVERYONE TO KNOW that it's not because of what my dad said. It's mostly because I just don't care about anything the Bible has to say (proud atheist, whoop whoop) and that what I want to do with my life is my business.

FalloutJack:
Virginity is your business. It's to be discussed with the one you love.

My view entirely. Understanding what your loved one thinks about it is important. And if you don't have one, you have to consider what it means for you. I'm waiting because there is only one person I'm willing to practice with and that's my future wife. ^.^

I wrote a long winded reply. Then I realised it boiled down to this:
- I disagree with the OP due to not holding the same religious beliefs.
- Both marriage and virginity are outdated concepts that cause more harm than good.
- Sex is sex. It matters as much as you make it matter. It has as much worth as you give it. Same applies to your first time. Does it really matter to you? It mattered to me, to a degree, and it mattered to my current girlfriend, to a degree.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am not preaching free love. I am preaching 'Keeping your fucking nose out of other peoples business.' Go and do as you please people, as long as you are not involving me. And when I say marriage I mean the institution, not the concept. Speaking from experience sex in relationships is usually better than sex outside of relationships. I do not really think that much can be gained from waiting years before having sex with someone, to a degree I believe the opposite.

But waiting until you get married before you have sex? I cannot see the point.

Waiting until you are in love, though, that is a worthy cause. Not love in the eyes of god, not union in the eyes of the state, but love in the only eyes that matter, the eyes that look back at you from a mirror.

It's worth it for me. I'm gonna save it.

But as a general rule, I don't see the big deal. People can do whatever they want.

BangSmashBoom:

White Lightning:
What's with all the weird ass characters in your post? Like... I just don't understand.

I also voted yes in the poll but for reasons that are the opposite of yours.

Oops I first wrote it on word then copy and pasted it, the site musn't like text from Word, sorry man, I should be more mindful of my presentaition before hand next time, thanks m8.

You do know that there's a "preview" button so you can see what your post will look like before you finally post it...

OT: Yeah, sure it is. While sex is a pretty integral part of modern relationships; virginity, while not being a tangible object, is still something special. You might as well save that for the person you're planning on marrying, even though you should still expect them to change over time.

saving your virginity is an old world idea, now its all about losing it as fast as you can. i don't really have a definitive opinion.

I'll only have sex with someone I really like. Also, using sex as an incentive for marriage is an incredibly stupid idea. There's a reason most marriages end up in divorce.

I say No, but do what you want as long as you don't force your ideals upon everyone else or look down on those of us that choose to lose our virginity sooner. People are too repressed about sex, especially in America.

It takes practice and time too get it right with your partner (well it did for me, but my girlfriend is pretty freaky), so saving it for marriage will just lead too complications...

If your a girl, your virginity is like a bottle of wine.

If you're a guy, your virginity is like a tarantula crawling on your face.

I don't really understand either perception but that's pretty much what I gather from other people.

No It isn't. Growing up as someone who believed it was I always noticed that those who "lost their virginity" tended to feel guilty and sad about it - so that proved you should save yourself right? This was seen as evidence that losing one's virginity will lead to feeling bad, feeling "lost" or "spoiled" and needing forgiveness or a "second virginity". But all it actually proved was that people who put a premium on virginity feel bad about losing it (unless its their wedding night). When I started to meet people who didn't have my religious upbringing I noticed that they didn't have any of the hang-ups that my religious friends did who dabbled in sexual activity (sometimes not even full on intercourse).

I turns out that if you don't have the shame and guilt attached to sex when you find out about it; you don't have the hang-ups.

I am glad I lost mine and so did my wife well before my wedding night. The wedding day was exhausting and we needed rest. Fortunately we had been sleeping together for years prior to the wedding and so their was no pressure. If we had waited until that night I doubt it would have as good as our actual first time (I won't be explicit but it happened quite organically and we took a long time to ensure we were both comfortable). So I would tell people the opposite.

The metaphor of a present is a bad and, indeed, dangerous one.

Yes.
I consider sex to be the same as making love.
In my eyes it's something that is truly special.
I may well die a virgin because of my beliefs but without regrets.

IMO you shouldn't save yourself if you don't personally believe it's the right thing for you.

Seeing as I recently (as of Friday) took the virginity of someone... I think as a man, virginity is fleeting thing and is basically a ticking time bomb that everyone is happy to see go off. As a women... the opposite.
The girl I slept with was definitely emotional about it and I feel like an ass cause it was just a one night stand to me.
I think women need to safeguard theres a little more cause CERTAIN women get incredibly attached to the first guy they fuck.

I would say no you shouldn't save sex for marriage, at the same time I wouldn't say just give your virginity away. Theoretically marriage is a lifelong commitment and you want to make sure you are sexually compatible with the one person you will be having sex with for the rest of your life. At the same time I would think you wouldn't want to give it to someone who didn't mean anything to you. You want to give it to someone who means something to you.

Moonlight Butterfly:
Nope, saved my virginity for the guy I was engaged to, he turned out to be a wife beating bastard.

Not to be cynical and bitter but people live much longer than they used to. Expecting someone to be the same person and never change for 50 odd years is pretty crazy. Not to mention you might change too.

That said sex gets much better in a long term relationship. I have nothing against those ;)

Save your virginity or not doesn't bother me. But be careful of thinking that the person you lose it with will be around forever because shit happens, usually to good people.

Sorry to hear that.

And your comments are dead on the money for me - particularly that whole 'living longer' thing. I think it ties in to a huge range of marriage-related issues.

In the Middle Ages (where much of our idea of 'courtly', 'pure' love come from) women, often quite literally, were bought and sold by their families. If you were married off at 14 to a man you'd never met before, you'd had 12 kids by 30 (6 of whom were stillborn or died before age 3); most of your teeth had fallen out by the ripe old age of 31; and you'd started coughing up blood over the last few months and there was a strange lump on your left breast; the idea of putting up with a husband for another few years (at most!) wasn't so bad because, frankly, you'd be dead soon. As he would be as well.

These days, families aren't even considering children until some point *beyond average life expectancy* for those bad ol' days.

The concept of virginity - in particular the female variety - is a throwback to days of yore.

However, that said, my wife is pregnant with my second child now - a daughter. For all my talk of 'bah humbug that's old fashioned nonsense!' you can guarantee that I, as her father,

WILL BE WATCHING HER LIKE AN UNLIDDED EYE WREATHED IN FLAMES AT THE SUMMIT OF A BLACK TOWER

That's another point of view no one seems to be considering - sure, virginity is an individual's choice ... but as the soon-to-be-father of a girl I'll honestly tell everyone here that I'd be a lot more suspicious of her boyfriends than I would of my son's girlfriends (presuming they are both hetero of course). I don't care if you call me a hypocrite - at least I'm an honest one.

Is your virginity worth saving? Well if you are a mediocre-attractive women then apparently it is worth thousands of dollars.

In the end, do what you want. Whether it is worth something is entirely up to the individual.

no. loose that shit. take the proper precautions (condoms) but for fuck sakes, just get it over with.

Yes and no. One way to look at it is like passing a lollipop around to a bunch of other guys before popping it into my own mouth, but that doesn't go both ways (physiologically and psychologically sex is vastly different between the genders, and by virtue virginity). I don't care who's doing what with whom, but I don't want to be a part of the social orgy, literally or metaphorically.

Virginity isn't necessary, but well used human toilet holds no appeal at all. I've also got a problem with raising some other man's unwanted kids because she couldn't care less who she's putting out to or what comes of that, or worse yet, being involved with someone with kids and their father(s) are still in the family; because there's nothing as romantic as being a 3rd wheel in a preexisting family, right?

I digress.

uzo:

However, that said, my wife is pregnant with my second child now - a daughter. For all my talk of 'bah humbug that's old fashioned nonsense!' you can guarantee that I, as her father,

WILL BE WATCHING HER LIKE AN UNLIDDED EYE WREATHED IN FLAMES AT THE SUMMIT OF A BLACK TOWER

That's another point of view no one seems to be considering - sure, virginity is an individual's choice ... but as the soon-to-be-father of a girl I'll honestly tell everyone here that I'd be a lot more suspicious of her boyfriends than I would of my son's girlfriends (presuming they are both hetero of course). I don't care if you call me a hypocrite - at least I'm an honest one.

I dont remember where I heard this quote, but I think it applies here. Goes something along the lines of:

"daughters are God's punishment on fathers for being men"

(the quote is meant to be used for comedy)

We're not living in medieval times any more.
If you want to guard your virginity, that's fine, but there should never be any rules about whether you should or shouldn't guard it. It's private business that no one else has any say about.

BangSmashBoom:
Me and my family have a saying, :Marriage and Christmas have a few things in common, unwrapping your present before the big special day is a :VERY BAD IDEA!; So obviously us all including me say yes, it・s definitely worth saving, and I・m still planning on saving my :Virginity; for my future wife, and for countless other reasons of course, but obviously I・m probably the only that feels this way, so I ask you guysK Do :YOU; personally feel that your virginity is worth saving, and why?
I was also wondering if you guys also feel that most wives would appreciate the fact that their husbands saved their virginity for them as a gift to her of loyalty, patience and self-disciple; and same for the husbands appreciating the fact that his wife saved her virginity for him as a gift as well.
Last thing where I come from, we believe that fornication is just as bad as Adultery, don・t ask me why, I didn・t write the Bible, I・m not trying to guilt or convert anyone, I・m just trying to help you guys understand my belief system; the only way I can understand that it says that fornication is just as bad as adultery is, for me I believe that if you have sex before you・re married, your cheating on the one that God has planned for you, so I don・t know about you guys but for me I love my wife as much as I can love another person, and I・ve never even met her yet :as least I don・t think so;, because I believe that if God wants me to marry, that he・ll reward me with the wife that I so dearly desire, as long as I stay faithful to him.

You don't need to feel the need to save it for a spouse or some "perfect" person but feeling as though it is something you need to be ashamed of or throw away as quick as possible is just as wrong. When a good opportunity presents itself then give it up but don't feel pressured and certainly don't do something you'll regret. Once it is gone, it's gone after all and while it might not be a tangible thing, it is very much a part of who you are, whether it becomes a source of strength and pride or a source of weakness and shame are completely up to you and how you choose to live your life and perceive things. I think it shows an incredible moral character to be willing to refrain from sex despite having no religious obligations holding one back. These are of course just my personal beliefs and while I might not agree with some of the concepts in your religion, I certainly respect what you have chosen for yourself and wish you the best of luck.

If it's that important to you then yeah, I guess.

My reasoning is that sex is fun, safe when done responsibly, and above all something that gets better and easier with repetition (like most anything), so to deny yourself that fun and experience is just a silly idea. I'd actually see it as almost cruel marrying someone and subjecting them to sex with a complete novice, no matter the age.

Remember that 'never kissed before marriage' couple?

Now imagine that with sex. Nobody deserves that.

As it was said before, it's only as important as you make it and what ideas were crammed in your young mind and if they took root.

I also agree that getting married before you know your lover intimately is a bad idea. I tell you what, going to bed and even just lying next her is one of the best parts of my day even if we don't have sex. But that level of intimacy and familiarity we have would not be there if we were abstaining. All there would be is pent up needs and desires we would be stifling. And for what? To appease an invisible man that supposedly gave us those need and desires just to be a dick to us to see if we could hold out? I grew up catholic, confirmation and all but it just did not take root, it was just not who I am. It obviously works for some people and that's great. But for me sex has been and still is a fairly important part of my relationships it builds intimacy, trust, and respect in each of us. I will blame that on an equally inane belief, in that it has something to do with me being a Scorpio.

I found this thread also amusing as she was watching the Family Guy ear sex episode as I was leaving for work =)

To adequately understand the issue one has to understand both viewpoints.

Proponents of virginity-saving rely on emotional appeals. They frame it as an issue of loyalty to their future spouse, obedience to God, and because they believe sex for the first time will be more gratifying if you wait until trying it with someone you love. None of these are based on the tenets of logical reasoning.

Firstly, one cannot be loyal to a person they have no knowledge of. To be loyal to someone means that you act in accordance with their wishes. If you have no knowledge of someone then you have no knowledge of what their wishes are. Your future wife might wish for you to be an experienced and skilled lover. How many things have you done skillfully on your first try? How many skills have you honed sharply with only one perspective from which to critique? You might say that you only need one perspective from which to hone your skill if that is the only perspective you are trying to satisfy. This is false because that perspective, your spouse, does not know what he or she does not know. How many people have lived their lives never searching for the G-spot because they didn't know it was there? How many men and women never said to their partners "play with my anus while you fuck me" because it never occurred to them that it magnifies the sensation happening in their other genitals, and no one ever told them? How many people have never experimentation with sensory deprivation, role playing or asphyxiation? We are only the sum of our experiences and nothing more.

Second, the Bible was written by men and is not the word of God. However, the Bible is very real as a written document and it is surrounded by a context. To understand why the Bible's authors want you to save your virginity is to understand why the authors thought it worth writing. At the time the Bible was written there was no technology for contraception, and there was no reasonably safe or reliable way to abort pregnancies; therefore, having sex = making babies, every time, no matter what. It was and is in the interest of society not to have single mothers raising hoards of children on their own. It would be much better if every woman with children also had a man to share the burdens of raising children and contributing to society. If religion is seen as a tool of social control, which is exactly what it was and is, then suddenly many of God's directives and commandments make perfect sense because they just happen to be necessary for society to exist peacefully and thrive in those ancient times. The authors obviously wanted to enforce solid family units because it was to benefit society. As time changes so does the human social matrix; unfortunately, the Bible has not changed. Interpretation of the Bible changes, but there is only so much you can do to change the meaning of things otherwise stated plainly. In this particular issue, sex no longer means having children. Contraception makes the liklihood of child-making relatively low and abortion takes care of those times when contraception fails. Suddenly, two uncommitted people having sex does not lead to the destruction of society, as it would have before contraception and safe, reliable abortions. This particular tenet set forth by the bible is now out of date and no longer necessary.

Lastly, Sex for the first time is almost never gratifying for either party. It may be an overall pleasant experience, it may have a positive emotional impact, but anyone who says their first time having sex was their best sexual experience ever is either a liar, or has only had sex once. Speaking only for myself, I didn't have sex until well into adult hood and it was with someone I loved deeply. The experience was awful and she was dried out and remained unfulfilled before I stopped, unfulfilled myself. I later learned to become a very good lover indicating that my first experience is not a representation of what would be a trend for me. It's just that doing something, anything, for the first time typically is done unskillfully.

There are some good reasons not to wait for marriage.

First, sex is fun, healthy and it feels good. Both parties are engaging in a physical activity, receiving validation of their attractive worth, and getting an orgasm.

Second, becoming a good lover is something learned with experience. No amount of studying on the internet or porn-watching will prepare a person for being a sex god in bed, master of multiple body shaking orgasms. I for one plan to rock my partner's world from the first time until the day one of us dies.

Third, you are not guaranteed a wife or a future. People die and that is a fact. leaving things off until tomorrow means you take the risk of depriving yourself of that thing forever. Your only get one chance to live before you die and once you die that's it. What happens after death? Easy: it's the same thing that happens before you were formed in a test tube. Do you recall what it felt like before being born? There you go.

Last, marriage is not for everyone. Some people do not want to be married. Maybe they have attachment issues, maybe they hate the opposite sex, maybe they are not religious (marriage is a religious ritual...) or maybe they know they would be unsuitable as a spouse.

I would like to conclude by suggesting that there is only one good reason to hold off on sex (not the same as waiting for marriage): there is no way to guarantee that sex will not result in a baby other than removing or severing sexual organs completely, which is permanent and not reversible. From a female perspective, this is not a problem if you are OK with abortion and have the funds to foot the bill. From a male's perspective this makes sex a risky proposition. The decision to abort or not is not yours to make, and even if your partner claims they would abort a fetus there is no assurance they won't change their mind. You risk being legally obligation to provide financial assistance for a child for 18 years, in America. Therefore, for males, the only safe time to have sex is when you want a baby with your partner. At all other times it's a risk. This applies to married people as well. Being married =/= ready to have babies.

BangSmashBoom:
Me and my family have a saying, :Marriage and Christmas have a few things in common, unwrapping your present before the big special day is a :VERY BAD IDEA!; So obviously us all including me say yes, it・s definitely worth saving, and I・m still planning on saving my :Virginity; for my future wife, and for countless other reasons of course, but obviously I・m probably the only that feels this way, so I ask you guysK Do :YOU; personally feel that your virginity is worth saving, and why?
I was also wondering if you guys also feel that most wives would appreciate the fact that their husbands saved their virginity for them as a gift to her of loyalty, patience and self-disciple; and same for the husbands appreciating the fact that his wife saved her virginity for him as a gift as well.
Last thing where I come from, we believe that fornication is just as bad as Adultery, don・t ask me why, I didn・t write the Bible, I・m not trying to guilt or convert anyone, I・m just trying to help you guys understand my belief system; the only way I can understand that it says that fornication is just as bad as adultery is, for me I believe that if you have sex before you・re married, your cheating on the one that God has planned for you, so I don・t know about you guys but for me I love my wife as much as I can love another person, and I・ve never even met her yet :as least I don・t think so;, because I believe that if God wants me to marry, that he・ll reward me with the wife that I so dearly desire, as long as I stay faithful to him.

I think that it's a personal choice and there's nothing bad either way. When you have sex with that "special someone" though, it's a million times better. I personally see sex completely useless outside of a deep, compassionate, and committed relationship. Not cause it's not "good" but because, compared to sex with that special someone you probably will marry, it's incredibly amazing. So for me, it's less of a moral thing and more of a passion thing.

I applaud you for being willing to wait till you're married. It certainly turns into something special if you do.

Toy Master Typhus:
Male; so no.

why does being male make you not saving your virginity not worth it?

And I would elaborate your post lest the moderators get on you for posting something that lacks substance.

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