Am I wrong to do this?

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Okay, I wrote this post and it was way too long, so here's the abridged version.

I'm a 19 year old male.
I became friends with a girl on a certain MMO early this year.
She's 14 years old.
We haven't really video chatted or anything, just email, in game chat and the occasional Ventrilo session.
Recently, she's stated that she wants to meet me in real life for the first time by seeing a movie with me.

Let me make this clear, I am not asking if I should date her. I simply want to know if it would be wrong/weird/illegal (somehow) to be friends with her.

hmmmm....I think if you make it clear what yoru intentions are so both of you are on the same page it should be ok

Nothing wrong with being friends with someone younger (or older for that matter) in the least, indeed it's actually a bit of a problem our society has right now with lack of communication between the generations.

In this particular situation though, if you do meet her in real life you should make sure it's all above board: in a public place, parents know where she is etc.

JoJo:
In this particular situation though, if you do meet her in real life you should make sure it's all above board: in a public place, parents know where she is etc.

Yeah, I initially had a hard time getting her to inform her parents about me but I managed to convince her by saying I wouldn't meet her unless her parents met me too.

I find it more worrying that you're not naming the MMO.

But to look at each query. Illegal - certainly not in any country I know, so long as you're just friends . Wrong - is a very subjective term, but again as long as you're just friends then it should be mostly favourable. Weird - No more so than meeting up with people you met online, or your pic. Again, fairly subjective, but mostly favourable.

If you are worried about something, which mostly appears to be how people see you, both take a friend. Actually two, then they have someone they know to talk to when you're talking to this girl. I don't quite know how it works, but if someone sees two people with a large age gap then it's terrible that they might be secretly involved with each other. However several of these pairs of people out together is fine.

Also, for the benefit of one forum member who knows who they are. See! Look at that! I was helpful! I didn't say it! Not even once!

EDIT: Ooooh, ok, parents also works.

Zantos:
I find it more worrying that you're not naming the MMO.

I was trying to keep the details as vague as possible in case she happens to visit this site, but if you must know, it was WoW.

BanicRhys:

Zantos:
I find it more worrying that you're not naming the MMO.

I was trying to keep the details as vague as possible in case she happens to visit this site, but if you must know, it was WoW.

Ah, that makes more sense than what I thought.

You don't want to know what I thought.

I don't even know if what I thought is a real thing.

If I were her parents I'd be more than a little sceptical and uncomfortable about this. Not saying that you're in the wrong or anything, but they'll probably think you're trying to take advantage of her.

And who knows? Even if you have honourable intentions she might not. :P

Regardless of your intentions, or hers, people are probably going to give you looks. If you can deal with that, and the parents are fine with it, then why not?

Zantos:
You don't want to know what I thought.

I don't even know if what I thought is a real thing.

The law of Internet dictates that if you start a thought, you have to finish it. Spit it out!

*Looks at avatar* WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING FIEND?!

Depending on where you live, this could go very wrong for you or not bat an eyelid.

excalipoor:

Zantos:
You don't want to know what I thought.

I don't even know if what I thought is a real thing.

The law of Internet dictates that if you start a thought, you have to finish it. Spit it out!

Is that a real rule? Is that why Youtube comments are so horrible, because the people leaving the comments have no choice? That explains a lot.

Also it was World of Sexcraft, where grinding means a different thing that no one complains about. I don't know if it is a real thing, I am also not willing to type that into Google.

When I was 12 I had an online chat friend who was male and seventeen. We never got to meet in person (I'm in Texas, he was in Georgia and we lost touch over the years), but I very much enjoyed having him as a friend and I often told my mother about it.

As long as her parents are very much aware of what's going on and the girl herself isn't thinking this is a date, then you are very much not a perv or doing anything illegal...though don't be surprised if/when you get wierd looks about it.

Zantos:

excalipoor:

Zantos:
You don't want to know what I thought.

I don't even know if what I thought is a real thing.

The law of Internet dictates that if you start a thought, you have to finish it. Spit it out!

Is that a real rule? Is that why Youtube comments are so horrible, because the people leaving the comments have no choice? That explains a lot.

Also it was World of Sexcraft, where grinding means a different thing that no one complains about. I don't know if it is a real thing, I am also not willing to type that into Google.

I may or may not have made it up.

Being the brave soul I am, I googled World of Sexcraft. I'm pretty sure it's just a corny name for WoW cartoon porn and/or fanfiction.

BanicRhys:

JoJo:
In this particular situation though, if you do meet her in real life you should make sure it's all above board: in a public place, parents know where she is etc.

Yeah, I initially had a hard time getting her to inform her parents about me but I managed to convince her by saying I wouldn't meet her unless her parents met me too.

Excellent--that was going to be my advice.
Now here's just something to think about--take it with as much salt as you find necessary
to make it palatable. An embarrassing number of years ago I was in a similar situation. A
friend pointed out to me--"If you two are ever alone together, even if nothing happens, if
she *says* something happened, and you deny it, who do you think will be believed?"

Little Woodsman:

BanicRhys:

JoJo:
In this particular situation though, if you do meet her in real life you should make sure it's all above board: in a public place, parents know where she is etc.

Yeah, I initially had a hard time getting her to inform her parents about me but I managed to convince her by saying I wouldn't meet her unless her parents met me too.

Excellent--that was going to be my advice.
Now here's just something to think about--take it with as much salt as you find necessary
to make it palatable. An embarrassing number of years ago I was in a similar situation. A
friend pointed out to me--"If you two are ever alone together, even if nothing happens, if
she *says* something happened, and you deny it, who do you think will be believed?"

Yeah, I've considered that too, I'll make sure to stay under the loving watch of Mr and Mrs security camera.

Yea dude, SEX with minors is illegal. If you don't plan on dating her, let alone sleeping with her, then go ahead. Maybe in 4 years you WILL want to date her and then it'll be all cool.

Jack the Potato:
Yea dude, SEX with minors is illegal. If you don't plan on dating her, let alone sleeping with her, then go ahead. Maybe in 4 years you WILL want to date her and then it'll be all cool.

This 100% Dude its wrong and kinda pedo don't do it. for all you know its a female cop impersonating a young girl, the catch people all the time doing that. Your best bet is to defriend her and put her on ignore after telling her you are not interested.

When I was 15 years old I met a person on a video game forum that, through the sheer randomness of the universe, happened to live only twenty or so minutes away from me. We became close friends, and when I was seventeen, we acknowledged that it was love. I'm 24 now, and we're still together. Married now.

There's a 9 year age gap between us. I'm the younger one.

We've found our soulmates, so honestly, we don't really give a damn what the rest of the world thinks of our relationship or its origins. We're happy, and at the end of the day, that's what matters. Don't let anyone ever try to convince you otherwise.

I understand that you're not looking to date this young woman, so the finer points of my story don't apply. But my overall message remains the same that the happiness you two share in your friendship is the only thing that matters, and to hell with anyone else. Whether or not they see it as "weird" is completely irrelevant, so long as nobody is getting hurt.

People are stupid, so don't meet her because even if it's innocent you'll still get called a pedo.

TaintedSaint:

Jack the Potato:
Yea dude, SEX with minors is illegal. If you don't plan on dating her, let alone sleeping with her, then go ahead. Maybe in 4 years you WILL want to date her and then it'll be all cool.

This 100% Dude its wrong and kinda pedo don't do it. for all you know its a female cop impersonating a young girl, the catch people all the time doing that. Your best bet is to defriend her and put her on ignore after telling her you are not interested.

I'm not sure about that, from what I've seen the ones that get arrested have all been sending really sexual messages to each other and have usually met up for the express purpose of having sex.

We're meeting up in a busy shopping centre, in the middle of the day, while her mother is present. That hardly sounds like a pedo set up.

Smeatza:
People are stupid, so don't meet her because even if it's innocent you'll still get called a pedo.

I don't really care about being called a pedo as long as it's not by the police. Which shouldn't happen given how I've treated her (like a bro).

As long as you plan on staying friends and trust yourself to dismiss any romantic/sexual opportunities that arise, go for it. If I were her parents I wouldn't like it one bit though, you really need to go out of your way to prove yourself honorable to them and even then they probably won't be 100% comfortable with it.

Her parents will probably think you are just another guy trying to take advantage of her, I don't doubt that you are an exception to this but they will, its unavoidable. As long as you do keep it clean there shouldn't be any trouble though.

I'm guessing she either wants a piece of you, or you're legitimately cool. Most likely the former, so let her down easy. :P

I'm surprised you'd want to hang out in the first place. 14 yo girls are annoying as fuck... although I had a 13 yo internet friend when I was 22, and she was bearable... or "is", I should say. She's also now 18, and we still chat. That one was an investment ;D

Don't make the mistake thinking a 14 year old girl is capable of understanding what she is doing. This is evident since she is willing to meet a stranger from the net. Because you are a stranger and so is she. This is your responsibility. And it can end badly for you if she wants more than a movie and you cut her off as a responsible adult.

A teenager with her pride hurt can say anything. If her family finds out she met a older guy from the net. Just imagine what they would do, what people would think or who the police would listen to. Chances are if the family gets involved, so will the police.

There are so many ways this can go wrong. I wish it wasn't like this, but it is. One simple mistake or a wrong turn and your life can suddenly turn very interesting. It does not matter your honorable intentions. All they will like to know is why you as an adult met up with a 14 year old girl you met on the net. Be smart here and say no.

I would say don't do it. If you want to meet her in person, go with a large group of people - I don't know much about WoW but I'm sure you could find some like minded individuals who would be down to gather and head to the cinema.
Failing that, next time there's a convention in your area or perhaps if there's a local games club, meet up there. Make it something that involves people of many different ages and origins.
A guy and a girl at a cinema? That's a typical first date scenario, and whether either of you intend it or not, that's pretty much what it'll be.

I really hate the whole permeation of the "pedo" stigma in modern culture. I've fallen victim to the thought process, and all the shows on TV and ubiquity of the Internet just makes it more prevalent. I re-read Huckleberry Finn lately and it's amazing how impossible it would be these days to have a modern Huckleberry Finn befriend a much older person (never mind the race thing) without all kinds of insane allegations that the guy is automatically sexually attracted to children. I can't imagine the gap between generations or lack of communication has ever been so wide and vast before.

I may have drifted off topic, but my point is that to an extent you kind of have to play the cards that society deals you. There are many ways to get in all kinds of shit for this regardless of pure and innocent intentions. If it were me personally, I'd weigh whether or not this person could potentially be a very close friend and enrich your life, making it worth all the potential repercussions.

BanicRhys:
Okay, I wrote this post and it was way too long, so here's the abridged version.

I'm a 19 year old male.
I became friends with a girl on a certain MMO early this year.
She's 14 years old.
We haven't really video chatted or anything, just email, in game chat and the occasional Ventrilo session.
Recently, she's stated that she wants to meet me in real life for the first time by seeing a movie with me.

Let me make this clear, I am not asking if I should date her. I simply want to know if it would be wrong/weird/illegal (somehow) to be friends with her.

Pends if she has any funky ideas or not.

Regardless, I really really fucking wouldn't. That just sounds like a way of getting the stuffing kicked out of you due to a misunderstanding. Seriously.

Society is just like that.

So no, It would not be wrong. It would not be illegal. It would probably be very weird and it just sounds... Like a horrendously bad idea.

Well if it weren't for the clarification at the end, I would have said "No, that's perfectly fine".

But with it I say "Are you f***ing serious?", because if it's just friendship, it's just seeing a movie, there's nothing else involved, not even the implication of anything else, I can't believe you didn't know what 99% of people were going to say in this thread. You have over 800 posts. Come on, you know no-one is seriously going to say "No, that's inexcusable, you should hang your head in shame".

You're 19. Hardly pedophile age range. You're seeing a movie. Hardly illegal or even morally grey. You're already friends. She instigated it. There is virtually nothing about this scenario I even find concerning, except for the suspicious luck that you befriended someone on the internet and they lived within seeing a movie distance.

And I'm not even going to get into "wrong is subjective" because that throws everything out the window, even the law.

EDIT: Wow. I feel the need to amend my post, it appears opinions aren't as cut-and-dried as I thought. Some people actually think she is trying to have a relationship with you, that you intend to do something intimate to her, that she is going to misrepresent you to her parents or any number of other things. I stand my ground, those are all ridiculous accusations as I understand the situation.

I think if you want to do this, both of you should bring a friend with you. Or the parents thing if you want.

The thing is, if you've never seen her, who's to say she really is only 14? It's a long shot, but I think both of you should be careful.

I would say make sure her parents are well aware of it, maybe invite her parents to the activities a few times, become their friends as well as hers.

Over all I would say there is nothing wrong with being friends with her and doing friendly activities, just gotta be careful people dont get the wrong idea.

Nothing wrong with it at all. In fact, I don't see why you even need to ask. But I suppose it never hurts to be safe.

Don't do it . It's a bad idea . Better safe than sorry . Plus what could you possibly have in common with a 14 year old girl . You are 19. IT'S A TRAP ! seriously though , don't do it , better safe than sorry .

I don't see what's wrong with being her friend since I'm friends with my next door neighbours 13yr old kid and me and him play Minecraft over Xbox live and have some laughs and he's a pretty smart guy for his age compared to when I was young.

Zantos:

excalipoor:

Zantos:
You don't want to know what I thought.

I don't even know if what I thought is a real thing.

The law of Internet dictates that if you start a thought, you have to finish it. Spit it out!

Is that a real rule? Is that why Youtube comments are so horrible, because the people leaving the comments have no choice? That explains a lot.

Also it was World of Sexcraft, where grinding means a different thing that no one complains about. I don't know if it is a real thing, I am also not willing to type that into Google.

Surely it would be called 'World of Whorecraft'...

Be pragmatic about is. Don't listen to anyone telling you not to listen to what peope think, be exremely careful of what people think.

Fact is you're an adult planning to meet up with a Child that you met through the net. Even if your intentions are honorable. You have to realise that this could end extremely badly for you. She might believe there is more than just friendship and she might tell her parents anything when you snub her. Or her parents might just draw their own conclusions. In any of those scenarios the police could be called.

Sex crimes, especially involving minors are "special" in that even if you are found innocent by a court you are never going to be innocent in the eyes of the public. Do you want to have to tell your parents that you're suspected of having sex with a 14 year old girl? Do you want her parents to assume that?

Perhaps she has Brothers. I have a sister that is around that age. I would not hesitate to beat the ever living shit out of a 19 year old guy who came to pick her up. And I'm not a violent person.

All I could think about reading this thread is how incredibly inappropriate the OPs avatar is for the subject matter..

But no, seriously, I'm sure that's fine. Especially if her parents have agreed as well.

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