Am I wrong to do this?

 Pages PREV 1 2 3 NEXT
 

Megacherv:

Zantos:

excalipoor:

The law of Internet dictates that if you start a thought, you have to finish it. Spit it out!

Is that a real rule? Is that why Youtube comments are so horrible, because the people leaving the comments have no choice? That explains a lot.

Also it was World of Sexcraft, where grinding means a different thing that no one complains about. I don't know if it is a real thing, I am also not willing to type that into Google.

Surely it would be called 'World of Whorecraft'...

Or...Whoreld of Whorecraft...!

Jerram Fahey:
I'm guessing she either wants a piece of you, or you're legitimately cool. Most likely the former, so let her down easy. :P

I'm surprised you'd want to hang out in the first place. 14 yo girls are annoying as fuck... although I had a 13 yo internet friend when I was 22, and she was bearable... or "is", I should say. She's also now 18, and we still chat. That one was an investment ;D

Why don't you have a seat over there...
image

Nothing wrong with being friends with her. The only thing that I'd possibly be worried about would be her trying to do something, you say no, so she says you tried to do something. But I figure you know her enough to know if that's a concern or a possibility.

Oh, and I think it'd probably be a good idea to video chat at least once, just to get a proper feel for each other before you hang out in the real world.

Your avatar doesn't exactly instill confidence (looking at the comments it seems everyone has commented on this, but damn dude, that avatar!)...but you seem to have a good plan. Make sure her parents know or meet you, make your intentions clear, and in general just be careful about how you approach the situation. The people here are all pretty relaxed and understanding about this kind of thing, others might not be. Wouldn't want you to be labelled as a sex predator because some asshat got the wrong idea.

BanicRhys:

JoJo:
In this particular situation though, if you do meet her in real life you should make sure it's all above board: in a public place, parents know where she is etc.

Yeah, I initially had a hard time getting her to inform her parents about me but I managed to convince her by saying I wouldn't meet her unless her parents met me too.

In this kind of situation, I'd say there isn't anything wrong then.

You aren't being some creepy adult trying to sneakily meet a child. You have told her that you want everything to be "above board" and would like her parents to approve of it.

That said, I do not believe that it is necessarily wise to be friends with this girl in real life. There are a lot of situations where this could go horribly wrong, not to mention the fact you had to convince her to tell her parents shows that she is not particularly mature.

If it was me, I certainly would not do it at all, there's just too horrible of a stigma out there to take the chance. Just stay online friends would be my advice.

The law is a guideline. Listen to your head and your heart. And if you really listen, then you shouldn't go wrong.

SOLVE MEDIA = "fast and loose"

*how inappropriate.

You're fine. In fact, even if you were going to date her, that would be legal as well. Sure, it breaks the 1/2 + 7 rule so it'd be creepy as hell, but as long as you aren't having sex with her it's legal.

But since you're just friends with her, none of that matters. Go enjoy your movie.

I've had younger friends before, without even thinking of the potential public view. No issues, it was strictly platonic. In fact, the fact that it was completely friends is probably why it didn't even occur to me that someone could find it weird.

Having said that, I think that this could go very badly for you for several reasons. First of all, you wouldn't have asked if you didn't think there was some potential problems. The second issue is what others have mentioned, what if you turn her advances down? She might say it was all your idea, etc. Even if initially you meet her parents and everyone is cool, they might trust you enough that the two of you could hang out alone. In that case it opens the problem of accusations.

Finally, I would be most worried if I were you based on the fact that she didn't want to tell her parents. If she didn't want them to know, there might be a good reason for that. Either she wants there to be more than friendship or maybe her parents are the overprotective type who wioll kill you for accidental contact that they misinterpret.

I'm not saying don't do it, but I would difinitely say it has more bad potential than good. Be careful if you go through with it.

be friends - cool, although i cannot imagine that she is so far ahead of her age (14yo rarely are on the same page as young adults) that it's interesting enough to last longer, or expand onto RL

more - as you said, no way

anyway: very, VERY carefull now; meeting in RL, especially for date-stuff like movies etc, might quite quickly raise some eyebrows, or worse.
you'll die one day no matter what; no need to dig your own grave.

i know i'd stay the hell away

Long as you don't try to do anything sexual or imply that you think of her as anything other than a friend, everything's fine.

As long as you leave it at that - friendship.

The age difference is 5 years, you're 19 so so it seems very very big, which it sort of is at that age. Friends is nothing wrong as long as you don't do aything illegal, playing with the fact that you guys would get together in 2 years or so and still be together in 6 years? She'd be 20 and you 25 and at that time the age difference wouldn't be too bad... That's just how shit works...

Assuming Australia doesn't have bizarre age-restriction laws for social interaction (I'm from AMURIKA), you have nothing to worry about legally. I guess the question is whether you would be socially comfortable with the fact that you're meeting a 14 year-old girl and watching a movie with her in a public mall. Also, it seems you're taking the right steps for this event to take place without much allegations of sexual interaction between you and her.

Also, I wouldn't be boasting around the fact that you went to a mall to watch a movie with a 14 year-old girl. Because most people are stupid and jump to the worst conclusions immediately, they will not see you in any positive light regardless of the actual details.

Vault101:
Snip.

Definitely one of your best avatars yet Vault, very funny.

OT: Weird? Quite. Wrong? No. Illegal? Definitely not. It's not a problem for you to be friends with her and you seem to have everything sorted with her parents so I can't imagine you seeing any trouble for it.

Atrocious Joystick:
Be pragmatic about is. Don't listen to anyone telling you not to listen to what peope think, be exremely careful of what people think.

Fact is you're an adult planning to meet up with a Child that you met through the net. Even if your intentions are honorable. You have to realise that this could end extremely badly for you. She might believe there is more than just friendship and she might tell her parents anything when you snub her. Or her parents might just draw their own conclusions. In any of those scenarios the police could be called.

Sex crimes, especially involving minors are "special" in that even if you are found innocent by a court you are never going to be innocent in the eyes of the public. Do you want to have to tell your parents that you're suspected of having sex with a 14 year old girl? Do you want her parents to assume that?

Perhaps she has Brothers. I have a sister that is around that age. I would not hesitate to beat the ever living shit out of a 19 year old guy who came to pick her up. And I'm not a violent person.

Well, he actually managed to arrange it in a way that the mother is present in the area (as in, she told her parents already on his pressure to do that) to clear any possible conclusions she might get into. I would not worry about her parents if he keeps behaving like written here (or brothers / sisters).

On Topic: Eh, you made sure to have securities for her installed. The age difference may seem big now but depending on what evolves from that it may not look that big in a few years (as in: when she is 20 you are 25, that is nothing).

That just seems like it'll look really sketchy man.
Keep it to skype and such for now I say.

Rastelin:
Don't make the mistake thinking a 14 year old girl is capable of understanding what she is doing. This is evident since she is willing to meet a stranger from the net. Because you are a stranger and so is she. This is your responsibility. And it can end badly for you if she wants more than a movie and you cut her off as a responsible adult.

A teenager with her pride hurt can say anything. If her family finds out she met a older guy from the net. Just imagine what they would do, what people would think or who the police would listen to. Chances are if the family gets involved, so will the police.

There are so many ways this can go wrong. I wish it wasn't like this, but it is. One simple mistake or a wrong turn and your life can suddenly turn very interesting. It does not matter your honorable intentions. All they will like to know is why you as an adult met up with a 14 year old girl you met on the net. Be smart here and say no.

yeah, i kind of agree here. if (and that's a big if) she does want a relationship and feels hurt if/when you say no, she could say stuff about you. then you're in for it. ther'll be trouble and rozzers and whatnot so it's risky, if you decide to befrined her (nothing more) then make sure you aren't alone together/make sure you have evidence nothing happened.

Go for it, nothing wrong with that, especially if SHE is the one who asked.

I am 22 and my two closest friend are 34 and 11. So I am no stranger to age gaps.

Though...your avatar worries me...

Rastelin:
Don't make the mistake thinking a 14 year old girl is capable of understanding what she is doing. This is evident since she is willing to meet a stranger from the net. Because you are a stranger and so is she. This is your responsibility. And it can end badly for you if she wants more than a movie and you cut her off as a responsible adult.

A teenager with her pride hurt can say anything. If her family finds out she met a older guy from the net. Just imagine what they would do, what people would think or who the police would listen to. Chances are if the family gets involved, so will the police.

There are so many ways this can go wrong. I wish it wasn't like this, but it is. One simple mistake or a wrong turn and your life can suddenly turn very interesting. It does not matter your honorable intentions. All they will like to know is why you as an adult met up with a 14 year old girl you met on the net. Be smart here and say no.

I hate to have to agree with you because it's a sad testament to how fucked up our society can be, but I do agree with you. I won't outright recommend saying no because that is up to the OP, but it is extremely important to know what the potential consequences are if this were to go badly. If you're a resident of the US, and unless you had friends with you who were present for every single interaction between you and this girl and could testify to everything that happened in court as eye-witnesses, you could end up one false accusation away from a statutory rape charge and prison time in the worst case scenario. Think everything through, and for the love of god tread very, very carefully. Assuming you are not actually pedophile/rapist, you could be more at risk of your life being ruined than she is.

As long as you make it clear that it's not going beyond friendship to both her and her parents then I don't see a problem.

Only a 5 year difference :/

I...don't know. 14, bro. I suppose if her parents consented that'd be fine but even so...that's...a bit much, in my opinion.

You're 19, she's 14...

Being friends? Fine.

Being flirty internet friends? Lil creepy, but generally okay.

Anything more than friends? Not til she's 18, and even then the creep-factor is off the charts.

This?

BanicRhys:
Recently, she's stated that she wants to meet me in real life for the first time by seeing a movie with me.

Horrible idea, regardless of innocent intentions.

Avoid actions like this at all costs.

Zantos:

excalipoor:

Zantos:
You don't want to know what I thought.

I don't even know if what I thought is a real thing.

The law of Internet dictates that if you start a thought, you have to finish it. Spit it out!

Is that a real rule? Is that why Youtube comments are so horrible, because the people leaving the comments have no choice? That explains a lot.

Also it was World of Sexcraft, where grinding means a different thing that no one complains about. I don't know if it is a real thing, I am also not willing to type that into Google.

You totally should google it just to see, do it in private browsing and clear your cache afterwards?

Dark_Reaction:
You're 19, she's 14...

Being friends? Fine.

Being flirty internet friends? Lil creepy, but generally okay.

Anything more than friends? Not til she's 18, and even then the creep-factor is off the charts.

This?

BanicRhys:
Recently, she's stated that she wants to meet me in real life for the first time by seeing a movie with me.

Horrible idea, regardless of innocent intentions.

Avoid actions like this at all costs.

Isn't the age of consent 16? Except in the Vatican City where it's 13 to this day. 18 is for booze and being naked on tv and in printed publications and other porn isn't it?

Or is the USA different?

None of the above. Just too damn risky.

BanicRhys:
Okay, I wrote this post and it was way too long, so here's the abridged version.

I'm a 19 year old male.
I became friends with a girl on a certain MMO early this year.
She's 14 years old.
We haven't really video chatted or anything, just email, in game chat and the occasional Ventrilo session.
Recently, she's stated that she wants to meet me in real life for the first time by seeing a movie with me.

Let me make this clear, I am not asking if I should date her. I simply want to know if it would be wrong/weird/illegal (somehow) to be friends with her.

Keep it inside the game, alarm bells are fucking ringing Charlie.

It sounds a bit risky to me. Is it really worth going cross-country just to meet someone you met online? Let alone someone younger of below consenting age. Besides, I've seen the listings at my local cinema and outside of Skyfall there's nothing good on.

If you think you should do it then by all means go.

Yeah, it's fine. I'm 15 and I've had friends that were around 18-19. Really even if is misconstruedby whoever you could explain it away quite simply...

Phone her parents to let her know you'll look after her and intend to keep it all above-board and always stick to well populated areas where she'll feel safest.

When I was 14 my friend almost met up in person with her online boyfriend, this is the reverse of what I suggested to her

As long as you stress to her that it's strictly platonic 100% and ensure that you respond appropriately (as in backing the fuck off) if she tries anything, then sure, go for it.
If you're not sure, don't bother, it's probably too much hassle in the long run to be worth it.

SkarKrow:

Dark_Reaction:
You're 19, she's 14...

Being friends? Fine.

Being flirty internet friends? Lil creepy, but generally okay.

Anything more than friends? Not til she's 18, and even then the creep-factor is off the charts.

This?

BanicRhys:
Recently, she's stated that she wants to meet me in real life for the first time by seeing a movie with me.

Horrible idea, regardless of innocent intentions.

Avoid actions like this at all costs.

Isn't the age of consent 16? Except in the Vatican City where it's 13 to this day. 18 is for booze and being naked on tv and in printed publications and other porn isn't it?

Or is the USA different?

Age of consent varies throughout the US, anywhere from 14 in some Southern states to 18 in others. However, at 18, an individual is considered an adult - regardless of what their parents think, they are legally free to do and say as they like, and thus that is the point at which I would say is the cut-off for dating (especially if you've already reached that age-cutoff point yourself).

That said, my comment was not solely from a legal perspective, but from an ethical one - reaching 18 doesn't automatically grant a person a better grasp on reality and the consequences of actions made therein, but its certainly an improvement; and waiting until that point to get romantically involved would grant the couple time to get to know each other fully and to give the younger of the two time to develop on their own.

As someone in their mid-20s, I can say that I would have far less of a problem with someone in my age-range dating someone leaving their teenage years than a I would with someone leaving their teenage years dating someone still well in the grips of teenager-dom (more like teenager-dumb, amirite?).

Lt._nefarious:
Yeah, it's fine. I'm 15 and I've had friends that were around 18-19. Really even if is misconstruedby whoever you could explain it away quite simply...

Except for if she gets vindictive over being scorned by an older man and decides to cause a ruckus.

You must realize its likely all that she would have to do is ACCUSE him of doing something untoward for police to consider taking him into custody, which, if said police show up at your work or home to do so, could prove very VERY awkward when you're forced to explain that, "no really, I didn't touch that 14 year old girl I've been chatting with online and took to a movie".

nothing is wrong with being friends with somebody, regardless of age. However let me make this very clear, i cannot stress how important it is when i say FRIENDS. if she likes you or if you like her, forget about it. don't under any circumstance even think about "what if" okay?

aside from that, it's all cool man. Only thing you should worry about is her parents. they might not like a 5 year-older man hanging around their little girl :P unless you can convince them you are trustable. (and that'll be very hard lol) Even if you do, there will still be some people that are going to think it's strange your hanging around a girl that age, so all i gotta say is be careful.

Being a 22 year old dating a 16 year old: As long as you are on the same page with "stuff", go for it.

As soon as you notice her habits (childish or not) start to annoy you: flee.

Dark_Reaction:

SkarKrow:

Dark_Reaction:
You're 19, she's 14...

Being friends? Fine.

Being flirty internet friends? Lil creepy, but generally okay.

Anything more than friends? Not til she's 18, and even then the creep-factor is off the charts.

This?

Horrible idea, regardless of innocent intentions.

Avoid actions like this at all costs.

Isn't the age of consent 16? Except in the Vatican City where it's 13 to this day. 18 is for booze and being naked on tv and in printed publications and other porn isn't it?

Or is the USA different?

Age of consent varies throughout the US, anywhere from 14 in some Southern states to 18 in others. However, at 18, an individual is considered an adult - regardless of what their parents think, they are legally free to do and say as they like, and thus that is the point at which I would say is the cut-off for dating (especially if you've already reached that age-cutoff point yourself).

That said, my comment was not solely from a legal perspective, but from an ethical one - reaching 18 doesn't automatically grant a person a better grasp on reality and the consequences of actions made therein, but its certainly an improvement; and waiting until that point to get romantically involved would grant the couple time to get to know each other fully and to give the younger of the two time to develop on their own.

As someone in their mid-20s, I can say that I would have far less of a problem with someone in my age-range dating someone leaving their teenage years than a I would with someone leaving their teenage years dating someone still well in the grips of teenager-dom (more like teenager-dumb, amirite?).

Lt._nefarious:
Yeah, it's fine. I'm 15 and I've had friends that were around 18-19. Really even if is misconstruedby whoever you could explain it away quite simply...

Except for if she gets vindictive over being scorned by an older man and decides to cause a ruckus.

You must realize its likely all that she would have to do is ACCUSE him of doing something untoward for police to consider taking him into custody, which, if said police show up at your work or home to do so, could prove very VERY awkward when you're forced to explain that, "no really, I didn't touch that 14 year old girl I've been chatting with online and took to a movie".

Fair enough I see your point and your reasoning, as someone in their early 20's who matured fairly quick I can safely say I'd have been better off not seeking any kind of romantic involvement with anybody until a few months ago or so.

Fuck I hate teenage-me, if ever a time machine was needed I'd go back and beat myself down.

 Pages PREV 1 2 3 NEXT

Reply to Thread

This thread is locked