Stupidist things youve heard people say

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"A car can't make sound in a tunnel."

My brothers old girlfriend once said this and was so damn adament about it, DESPITE my bro driving her home and rolling the windows down when they drove through a tunnel. He even beeped the horn... she just got mad... it was kind of embarressing... and hilarious.

The reason she claimed to be an expert was that she worked in a garage for a few weeks.

Back in elementary school, I believe it was 3rd grade, I overheard two girls discussing mathematics. The conversation basically boiled down to this statement "2 x 2 = 4 and 2 x 3 = 5. Math is soo easy!" Granted we were all young but they should have definitely been old enough to understand the difference between multiplication and addition especially since we had gone over this countless times in class. I remember the 8 year old me just sitting there for several minutes shaking my head in disbelief.

My girlfriend and I were eating at a restaurant, and we had vouchers for 20% off.
"It'll be cheaper if we pay separately," she says.
"Why?"
"If we pay together, it's only 20% off. But if we pay separately, we get 20% off each!"

I should mention she's a cancer research scientist, working at Oxford.

EDIT:

Thought of something more stupid. Some guy claimed that if you fall out of an aeroplane, you should grab hold of the ground when you hit it, because it's the bounce that kills you.

canadamus_prime:

his1nightmare:
One man once asked me: "How long does it take to upload a video on Youtube?"
Me: "This is the most stupid thing I've ever read."
He: "Why?"
Me: "This is the second most stupid thing I've ever read."

That seems like a fair enough question to me. Not everyone is tech savvy. Certainly the average layman probably doesn't know the ins and outs of how the Internet works.

I still don't get it - how long does a video take to upload onto youtube?

My friend had a collage lesson where he ended up rambling a bit and the American student in the class said "speak American please". We live in England, everybody laughed at him naturally.

"9/11 was orchestrated by the American Government."
-Many hundreds of conspiracy theorists.

Gahhhhh, FUCK OFF! Even if I cared enough about that subject, I'd still argue that it's not true.

"FULL METAL ALCHEMIST IS SUCH A WONDERFUL ANIME FULL OF BRIGHT COLOURS. NOBODY DIES AND I REALLY LIKE THAT MAE HUGHES GUY AND THAT LITTLE GIRL WITH HER DOG!"

this was someone's post on facebook. I'm serious.

Oh gods...oh dear gods I wish I could've been there for *those* episodes. You know the ones I mean.

In an Advanced Placement United States History class... "Where's canada?" also "Woah wait, JFK was shot?!". Same girl, same effect in that I nearly passed out every time she opened her damn mouth

chinangel:
"FULL METAL ALCHEMIST IS SUCH A WONDERFUL ANIME FULL OF BRIGHT COLOURS. NOBODY DIES AND I REALLY LIKE THAT MAE HUGHES GUY AND THAT LITTLE GIRL WITH HER DOG!"

this was someone's post on facebook. I'm serious.

Oh gods...oh dear gods I wish I could've been there for *those* episodes. You know the ones I mean.

I'd think it must be a joke. They hit on two perfect counterexamples. Plus I checked and in the first anime Nina gets turned into a chimera the second episode you see her in, the one immediately after the first you see her in, and in the second anime it happens in the same episode you first see her in...

Couple of years ago I was in the local supermarket with my 3yo daughter. We were at the deli and I had just finished explaining to my youngun to be careful of the glass where the roast chickens etc are, as it is very hot. Anyhoo, a little old lady with little old lady wrinkley legs and soforth is standing beside us. My little girl, bless her soul, walks up to the senior citizen, gently grabs her by the hand, and, full of concern, says "Excuse me lady, you might want to step back from the glass. I think your legs are melting." Thankfully, the sweet old thing got as much of a giggle from this as i did.

Yeah you're probably right. but still it's a funny thought.

RedDeadFred:
Please tell me she was really drunk and just wanted attention so she decided to yell out something stupid. I don't want to believe that someone could actually be that idiotic.

Was my first thought to, but evidently she was serious. She was kind of cute, but that impression lasted until she opened her mouth. Then it was disbelief mixed with a morbid fascination for the utterly stupid.

RedDeadFred:
OT: When I worked as a cashier I had many people say stupid things to me. The most facepalming moment was this:

I am packing her bags and setting them in the pick up area. She bought a lot of potatoes and those took up the entire pick up area all on their. Logically, I set her more fragile and squishy groceries on top of them.
Her: What are you doing?!
Me: Bagging your groceries....?
Her: You can't set the bread on top of the potatoes! It'll be squished!
Me: Wait you mean the bread will squish the potatoes?
Her: No, the potatoes are going to squish the bread.
Me: How.....?
She did not have an answer.

Ah you should read this page then. Is is fucking unbelievable what customers manage to say or how to behave.
http://notalwaysright.com/hall-of-fame

SonOfVoorhees:
Anyone who uses the term "african american" to describe themselves eventhough they were born in America. Your just American regardless if your black. If your African born and come to America, then your an African American. Overall the term is stupid, in the UK we dont say a person is African British.

actually I thourght it was a completly valid way of identifying somones racial lineage, like white people being called "anglo saxon"

"black people" doesnt sound as good

"America should ban guns"
Many people nowadays and I facepalm every single time. Hadn't heard something that stupid since my former boss said he didn't believe in dinosaurs.

"Estonia? Where in Texas is that?"
A fan at a bowl game when informed that the star SMU defensive player was from Estonia.
It's in Eastern Europe btw.

Just go through some of Bob Chipman's videos. He can make some good points, but Jesus H. Christ can he be biased.

I have a friend who's sister ended a report on Hitler with the phrase "Everyone makes mistakes."

IamQ:
"Why would someone go on the internet and tell lies?" After a friends girlfriend had seen a fake trailer for Titanic 2.
She didn't 100% say that, but something along those lines.

That reminds me of this:

OT: My brother says a lot of dumb things. I'd rather not list them right now as he is currently in the room with me.

>_>....<_<

Someone argued that if we legalize prostitution it would make men feel entitled to sex.

Because nothing makes you feel more entitled to something than having to pay money for it.

My ex-girlfriend, while we were watching Pocahontas: "Why doesn't Pocahontas have a dot on her forehead?"
Me: "What do you mean, why would she?"
Her: "She's an Indian, right? Don't Indian chicks put dots on their foreheads?"

...yeah.

One of the girls in our group of friends has dropped plenty of gems throughout high school. Here are some of the classics:
- "Wait... babies cry in different languages?"
- Believing that there was a train that ran between the US and Spain
- Suggesting that we could all live on the moon... if we completely covered it in bubble wrap first

Bhaalspawn:
My parents celebrate Good Friday. But every year they serve fish on that day. I kid you not they said

"Oh but fish isn't meat."

I paused and said "Hand on, let me go ask my vegetarian friends."

The "No meat on Friday in Lent" for Christians isn't about vegetarianism - it's about abstaining from what is considered an overindulgence, such as RED meats. Yes, it's a silly, obsolete tradition (Meat's now dirt-cheap), but meh - an excuse to remember to get more fish in ones diet!

On the subject of vegetarianism, though - While my dad was at lunch the other day, the girl in front of him ordered some sort of sandwich or salad, with the stipulation, "No meat, though. I'm a vegetarian". When the Cashier repeated what the ingredients were, she said "Yeah, that... and Bacon." Cue the inevitable "Bacon's a meat."

Her response, "No it's not! It's a spice!"

... on second thought, I can totally get behind that. (And yes, I do know where bacon actually comes from, and can point it out on the pig)

maninahat:

canadamus_prime:

his1nightmare:
One man once asked me: "How long does it take to upload a video on Youtube?"
Me: "This is the most stupid thing I've ever read."
He: "Why?"
Me: "This is the second most stupid thing I've ever read."

That seems like a fair enough question to me. Not everyone is tech savvy. Certainly the average layman probably doesn't know the ins and outs of how the Internet works.

I still don't get it - how long does a video take to upload onto youtube?

Not sure if serious. In the event you are serious, anywhere from 10 minutes to a couple of hours depending on the size of the video file and your Internet connection.

Beautiful End:

hazabaza1:

Beautiful End:

Also, "What do you mean this game is $5.25! It clearly says here it's $4.99!" We're in Texas, by the way, and this guy didn't look like a foreigner.

That seems like a reasonable question. Though I'm over in England here, maybe currency works different in Texas?

OT:Said it before, say it again... "Is Indian a religion?"

Oh, well, if I would have noticed this guy was from outside the US, I'd be fine with it. I try to be reasonable with people. (Although it's still weird; it would be almost as if he just set foot in the US and the first thing he did was run to the nearest videogame store to buy a cheap game).

Okay, there are some states here in the US that don't charge tax. Places like Oregon or Montana or Alaska don't charge sales tax. So if an item is advertized at $4.99, you only pay $4.99. The rest of the US, though charges sales tax; 8 cents or so per dollar (and by that logic, I realized the item this guy was complaining about was probably like $5.40). Of course, the cost of living is higher in those sales-tax free states.

In this region I'm at, the only neighbor states are New Mexico and... a lot of Texas. And Mexico. He had a Texan accent, though.
He COULD have been from Mexico because they don't charge taxes there. But again, it's not like he just came to the US to buy a cheap game and only that.

I dunno, it was kind of a silly question to me.

The thing i think is stupid about Sales Tax in the US, is why don't they just add it on to the price? I was confused as hell when i visited, trying to work it out at the checkout whether i had enough spare change for a burger or not.

Australia has a Goods and Services Tax, but it's built in to every price for everything.

Vault101:

SonOfVoorhees:
Anyone who uses the term "african american" to describe themselves eventhough they were born in America. Your just American regardless if your black. If your African born and come to America, then your an African American. Overall the term is stupid, in the UK we dont say a person is African British.

actually I thourght it was a completly valid way of identifying somones racial lineage, like white people being called "anglo saxon"

"black people" doesnt sound as good

Although following that "anglo saxon" logic, black americans would be denoted as just 'African"

hazabaza1:

Beautiful End:

Also, "What do you mean this game is $5.25! It clearly says here it's $4.99!" We're in Texas, by the way, and this guy didn't look like a foreigner.

That seems like a reasonable question. Though I'm over in England here, maybe currency works different in Texas?

OT:Said it before, say it again... "Is Indian a religion?"

As a Texan, it works exactly as you think it would. Everything has about an 7-8% sales tax. How somebody could live here for so long and not know that boggles me.

A Smooth Criminal:
"Isn't Slovakia in Germany? You know, the place with the Slovakians"
"Silk comes from dolphin blubber doesn't it?"
"Do we eat turkey at christmas because it was Jesus' favourite meal"
"People say dolphins are mammals, but they live in the sea so they're fish"
"sharks are mammals too aren't they?"

Aaron Sylvester:
There are a number of people out there who firmly believe that the human eye cannot tell the difference between 30 fps, 60 fps or 120 fps (fps = frames per second or framerate) when it comes to watching videos or even playing videogames.

There's such a minor difference between 30fps and 60fps that it's hardly even worth the argument...

The only flaw is that 60fps will sometimes dip to about 50, while 30fps will sometimes dip to about 20, which is when there it starts to become annoying.

And no, your eye cannot perceive anything over 60. It definitely can't perceive 120fps. If you think it can then I can guarantee it's a placebo effect.

Oh yeah?

Set the motion blur off and background still for the best effect. The difference between 30 and 60 is definitely noticeable. Just because you can't see the difference ingame doesn't mean others can't.

Not the stupidest thing I have heard, but this is the first thing that came to my head.

My friend was texting her friend, and her friend asked her "You just laxing out?" and my sister replied "Ohh you mean laxatives? No, I don't take them haha"

I was at a soccer game a few years ago with my friend and he was eating a cup of hot chips. The cup had "one, two, three" printed on it and my friend read it and asked me: "what the fuck is two?" (pronouncing the 'o' as 'oh' instead of 'oo'). It took him a good couple of seconds before he realized.

YingDerpington:
"What's Germany?" - Justin Bieber

I love that video, "...we don't have that in America."

image

Also, every single thing this guy says:

monkey_man:

Gabanuka:

Beautiful End:
snip

Wait. You guys dont add tax to the shown price?

Why the hell not?

We in the Netherlands don't want to practice maths whilst in stores, so we just have the price (say, 5.00) on the label. The actual price would then be 4.75~ ish, but the stores add the tax on that, so you can just go buy stuff without having to count out how much it'll actually cost you. Which is kinder, faster, and smarter if you ask me. You can see on the receipt how much it would have costed if the tax was not added (the 4.75).

I think the dumbest things I've heard were probably from some bigoted racists, like WBC, or A nice (true) story from a teacher of mine, who said something like :" So these students were doing a basic maths test, in order to finish their carpenter study (he was filling in there) and they had trouble answering the question: 'how many square meters of wood go in a 2x3 wooden board ?'. Some answered 5. some answered other dumb stuff, one even answered with 6000, because he used the zero key on his calculator wrong."

If you can't do basic maths, you have no place in this society. Even people who are not smart at all should be able to do 2x3. That's age 5 work.

Since America has the whole, "world-class idiots" stereotype we figure that a little extra math practice in stores can never hurt.

News show about one of the 6 gazillion Egyptian Riots:

"I was standing at the gates of _______ and I found... sorry for the choice of words here... 300 pounds in someone's butt"

Seriously. It happened.

I once met a girl who didn't think wolves were real. She knew what dogs were, but didn't know dogs were descended from wolves. She just thought they were creatures from faerie stories, like well... faeries. Also she thought that the map was only of half of the earth. Apparently she never saw a golbe.

I was a having a religous discussion about my alternate views on the crucifixion of Christ, when the man I was speaking said this gem.

"Jesus is man's sin made manifest!"

Vault101:

SonOfVoorhees:
Anyone who uses the term "african american" to describe themselves eventhough they were born in America. Your just American regardless if your black. If your African born and come to America, then your an African American. Overall the term is stupid, in the UK we dont say a person is African British.

actually I thourght it was a completly valid way of identifying somones racial lineage, like white people being called "anglo saxon"

"black people" doesnt sound as good

The one that gets me is people calling themselves/other people African American when they're Dominican or Jamaican or otherwise dark skinned but wholly unconnected with Africa.

canadamus_prime:

maninahat:

canadamus_prime:

That seems like a fair enough question to me. Not everyone is tech savvy. Certainly the average layman probably doesn't know the ins and outs of how the Internet works.

I still don't get it - how long does a video take to upload onto youtube?

Not sure if serious. In the event you are serious, anywhere from 10 minutes to a couple of hours depending on the size of the video file and your Internet connection.

Is it a silly question? I mean, I can figure out for myself that bigger files obviously take longer, but I only wanted to know how much longer. If you don't happen to know what the upload rate of something is, or how long youtube takes to process an upload, then for all the layman knows, a thirty second video could take six hours.

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