Which Chaos god would you serve?
Khorne
16.5% (73)
16.5% (73)
Nurgle
25.3% (112)
25.3% (112)
Tzeentch
39.4% (174)
39.4% (174)
Slaanesh
18.6% (82)
18.6% (82)
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Poll: Which Chaos god would you serve?

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This popped up on my mind today. Of the 4 Warhammer great Chaos gods, Nurgle, Slaanesh, Khorne and Tzeentch, which one would you serve? Here's what each one would offer:

Khorne: ultimate physical prowess and power, unmatched authority and skill at arms.

Tzeentch: limitless knowledge of all things and the ability to bend others to your will.

Nurgle: immortality and practical invulnerability, a life free of disease or sickness, eternal, pleasing comfort.

Slaanesh: a life of limitless pleasure and beauty.

I'd probably go with Tzeentch, since knowledge is power.

Nurgle. Despite being a giant blob of pustules and pestilence, he's a jolly fellow who loves all his underlings.

Tzeentch. Just seems like the most fun!

I'd go for Nurgle, because I'd have the chance to attain what all the other three Gods offer over my unlimited lifespan. I would also be a lot wiser for learning it all by myself in a gradual process.

Malal. Just cause I wanted to spoil your poll.

Actually, Malal likes mucking things up for the other Chaos Gods, so that fits perfectly.

Cap: vote pancakes

No, I'm voting for Malal.

Slaanesh, duh. I mean if people are constantly fucking like jackrabbits in heat, they will be too busy to clonk each other over the head all the time and all.

Which one is the Blood God? I'd totally get him blood!

For me, it will be Tzeentch, having ultimate knowledge means nothing is impossible.

I would go with Tzeentch, because he's definately my favourite chaos God, but the deal there is actually kind of screwed up. Tzeentch kind of has it all planned out already, there isn't a whole lot of room for free will in that design. The same could be said of all the Gods, but Tzeentch is undoubtably the worst.

I think I'd probably end up with Nurgle, given the choice.

That Nurgle fellow sounds pretty good.

I hate even the idea of disease or sickness, even the sight of my own phlegm or a pussy spot makes me feel a bit queasy, so "a life free of disease or sickness" sounds like a deal clincher... the "eternal pleasing comfort" is just icing on the "delicious, disease free and totally not sick or rotten in any way" cake.

Jamash:
I hate even the idea of disease or sickness, even the sight of my own phlegm or a pussy spot makes me feel a bit queasy, so "a life free of disease or sickness" sounds like a deal clincher... the "eternal pleasing comfort" is just icing on the "delicious, disease free and totally not sick or rotten in any way" cake.

Just to clarify the OPs description. Nurgle is the plague god. Servants of Nurgle become absolutely infested with disease to the point that they are only questionably alive, but they don't suffer any pain or debilitation. In fact, the experience becomes a kind of narcotic bliss to them.

The reason why they're so tough to kill is because.. well.. how do you kill something whose organs are all mushy gloop already?

None of the above. You know why? Because none of them are truly chaotic. They all act to a predefined set of ideals and expected mannerisms. People expect Khorne to shed blood, Nurgle to spread disease, Tzeentch to cause mutations and Slaanesh to enthrall and seduce. That isn't chaos. That's order.

I follow the true God of Chaos. You may not know his name, but he was always there, and always shall be.

He is Malal. He is Malice. He is Anarchy. To follow Malal is to destroy order, even if that means turning on yourself for falling into a routine. He is the embodiment of paradox and destruction. He is True Chaos.

He is the God who causes fear in the hearts and souls of the lesser Chaos Gods. He is the Outcast God, who laughs upon the fringes of space. He is Chaos, and we are the Sons of Malice.

"...and he that went before now came last, and that which was white and black and all direction was thrown against itself. Grown mightily indignant at the words of the Gods, Malal did turn his heart against them and flee into the chambers of space . . . And no man looked to Malal then, save those that serve that which they hate, who smile upon their misfortune, and who bear no love save for the damned. At such times as a warrior's heart turns to Malal, all Gods of Chaos grow fearful, and the laughter of the Outcast God fills the tomb of space . . ."

image

God I love Malal. WHY DID YOU ALL BUT RETCON HIM GW, WHYYYYY?

thaluikhain:
Malal. Just cause I wanted to spoil your poll.

Actually, Malal likes mucking things up for the other Chaos Gods, so that fits perfectly.

Cap: vote pancakes

No, I'm voting for Malal.

You see, you're on the right page.

evilthecat:

Jamash:
I hate even the idea of disease or sickness, even the sight of my own phlegm or a pussy spot makes me feel a bit queasy, so "a life free of disease or sickness" sounds like a deal clincher... the "eternal pleasing comfort" is just icing on the "delicious, disease free and totally not sick or rotten in any way" cake.

Just to clarify the OPs description. Nurgle is the plague god. Servants of Nurgle become absolutely infested with disease to the point that they are only questionably alive, but they don't suffer any pain or debilitation. In fact, the experience becomes a kind of narcotic bliss to them.

The reason why they're so tough to kill is because.. well.. how do you kill something whose organs are all mushy gloop already?

Yeah, the OP's description did seem a bit too good to be true... but a bit of deception and Heresy is what you'd expect from a Heretic pawn of Chaos.

I suspect the small print to Slaanesh's "pleasure and beauty*" reads:

*"Pleasure only valid if you are pleased by having your skin flayed by a beautiful** hybrid of a scorpion and tits""
**"Definition of beauty may differ from person to Deamon".

Khorne's gift of "ultimate physical prowess and power, unmatched authority and skill at arms" isn't so great either when you spend all of your life constantly mad and gotten to, and use your combat prowess beating up and mutilating corpses.

EscapeGoat:
They all act to a predefined set of ideals and expected mannerisms. People expect Khorne to shed blood, Nurgle to spread disease, Tzeentch to cause mutations and Slaanesh to enthrall and seduce..

..and Malal to try to destroy them.

See, I have one of the very old Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay copies in which Malal is described, and yeah.. he has a shtick like all the others. He's a God who looks like a big rat monster and who embodies the destructive nature of chaos even towards itself.

The big problem with him is that everything about Warhammer at that point was kind of cartoonish, and since he hasn't been written about since he never really evolved like the other Gods did into something more serious than just "a chaos god who hates the other chaos gods for poorly defined reasons".

Sorry, I don't mean to piss on the party. I just never understood why everyone gets so hung up on Malal.

Incidentally:

EscapeGoat:
God I love Malal. WHY DID YOU ALL BUT RETCON HIM GW, WHYYYYY?

They didn't, they just never actually owned the rights to him. This is probably one of the major reasons why Games Workshop is so incredibly brutal nowadays about third-party writers and intellectual property.

Jamash:
Khorne's gift of "ultimate physical prowess and power, unmatched authority and skill at arms" isn't so great either when you spend all of your life constantly mad and gotten to, and use your combat prowess beating up and mutilating corpses.

Not to mention cutting your own head off.

That said, indeed.. offering nice things without properly explaining all the catches does seem very chaotic. This is why I think I'd pick Nurgle myself, at least the catch is pretty up-front and the reward is pretty genuine..

Tzeentch was always my favorite back when I played the tabletop game. The lord of change see's all and know all.

Make that 3 Followers of Malal.

All hail Malal - the Chaos God Of Anti-Chaos, The Renegade God, The Outcast, Hierarch of Anarchy and Terror, The Lost, the god of freedom, overthrower of tyrants, savior of the opressed.

As always, I answer Necohoh, essentially the god of atheism.

Once we finish the Great Project, all you chaos scum will be stuck in warphell with your "gods".

Also a few corrections, Tzeentch doesn't "grant" unlimited knowledge, merely "helps" you along the way to it. And second, Malal wasn't a god of "Chaos" any more than the 4 major ones, because his modus operandi is always the opposite, thus, a predictable pattern that is not really chaos. Didn't they also sorta retconn him and his name got swapped to "Malice"?

Probably Khorne, I understand there's a much lower chance of my nipples becoming tentacles or some shit like that.

That said though, your Chaos gods are all silly. Cegorach, The Laughing God (and last surviving Eldar god) is clearly the most awesome, take it from this guy:


And he has a sense of humour.

ITT: Rampant Heresy.

May the Emperor have mercy on you all.

image

-> Most awesome chosen Legion in 40k
-> Knows all
-> Will certainly fuck you over or not or something
-> Mutations are fun

Tzeentch will mutate you beyond belief, screeching JUST AS PLANNED all the time. While you will rot and mutate with Nurgle, at least you won't care and you'll be happy about it.

CAPTCHA
Shoulder of Orion? Should I see the C-Beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser Gate?

Jamash:
That Nurgle fellow sounds pretty good.

I hate even the idea of disease or sickness, even the sight of my own phlegm or a pussy spot makes me feel a bit queasy, so "a life free of disease or sickness" sounds like a deal clincher... the "eternal pleasing comfort" is just icing on the "delicious, disease free and totally not sick or rotten in any way" cake.

I hate to disappoint you, but Nurgle is the Chaos God of disease and decay. Most of his followers are walking cesspits, covered by pustules and bile. As a follower of Nurgle, you are a plague bearer, rotting alive, but you do not die from the consequences. Guess that's one way of being "free of all diseases".

OT: None. Chaos scum, the emperor protects!

By Inquisitorial decree, all persons taking part in this discussion are sentenced to immediate execution.

Use you final moments to beg for forgiveness that will not come, for He has no mercy for those who fall.

Excomunicatae Tratoris

The Emperor Protects

I'd vote for Slaanesh, but I don't enjoy lobster claws quite that much. :|

Slaanesh. Our Noise Marines' deadly dubstep will lead the manly pink legions into battle.

Warning: LOUDER! LOOOOUDER!!

Also, life will consist entirely of pleasurepleasurepleasurepleasuredeath.

opiwankenobi:

Jamash:
That Nurgle fellow sounds pretty good.

I hate even the idea of disease or sickness, even the sight of my own phlegm or a pussy spot makes me feel a bit queasy, so "a life free of disease or sickness" sounds like a deal clincher... the "eternal pleasing comfort" is just icing on the "delicious, disease free and totally not sick or rotten in any way" cake.

I hate to disappoint you, but Nurgle is the Chaos God of disease and decay. Most of his followers are walking cesspits, covered by pustules and bile. As a follower of Nurgle, you are a plague bearer, rotting alive, but you do not die from the consequences. Guess that's one way of being "free of all diseases".

OT: None. Chaos scum, the emperor protects!

I know. I was only pretending to naively take the OP's deceptive description at face value to root out Heretics.

Looks like we've got another one who's a bit too familiar with the machinations of Chaos...

This thread is unclean and must be purged in the name of the Emperah of mankind!

Obviously khorne.

Most adorable bloodlust ever.

Jamash:

I know. I was only pretending to naively take the OP's deceptive description at face value to root out Heretics.

Looks like we've got another one who's a bit too familiar with the machinations of Chaos...

The Inquisition merely fulfils the duty of its office!

image

Either Nurgle or Tzeentch.

Pustules are gross, but at least Father Nurgle loves all his subjects.

Tzeentch acts pretty dumb for all his knowledge, but mutant powers are pretty cool.

Judgment90:
For me, it will be Tzeentch, having ultimate knowledge means nothing is impossible.

Except the things that you can't change. Which could easily result in a mindbreaking existential crisis, seeing as you will never have a sustained impact upon the universe.

You know, that.

Discord! Oh, wait... wrong Chaos

Tzeentch then. I'm a firm believer in brains over brawn. (:

Nurgle,

he's the only one that genuinely cares for his followers. He's not called Father Nurgle for no reason.

By Inquisitorial decree, all persons taking part in this discussion are sentenced to immediate execution.

Use you final moments to beg for forgiveness that will not come, for He has no mercy for those who fall.

Excomunicatae Tratoris

The Emperor Protects

Praise be to Sigmar that I do not truck in the 40k universe then. My frame of refference comes from WH Fantasy where our emporers actually fight in battles instead of sit and eat the souls of psychics while making holy poop.

Anyway, Khorne. He'd actually reward me for my anger management issues, not condemn me for it.

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