Why do women love confidence in a man?

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I've never been able to find a good balance. I've tried dating shy guys and confident guys, but they're always too much one way or the other.

The shy guys turn out to have massive issues that need professional help, which they refuse to get because I'm their girlfriend and I'm the one who should be helping them through it. (Dude, girlfriend is not synonymous with therapist)

Or

Narcissists.

Someday I'll find a guy who likes both himself and me, but it is not this day.

Whether you are aware of it or not, whether you are a man or a woman, you will always be attracted to the Alpha-male/woman.

Confidence often hints to that.

Also for women, but I think genetic code (Looks/health) is more important for men, though. Because it ensures healthy/genetically superior offspring.

You can say a lot of deep things about relationships and love, but we're all just animals. We still think like animals whether we notice it or not.

On a note:

I do think confidence in women is important. It makes them stand out, it makes them sexy. As a man you can't help but feel like they've got something to back that confidence up (genetic code), because confidence is hard/impossible to fake. People will look right through you.

Also, confidence is the backbone of a healthy relationship.

lechat:
guess i'm the odd one out cause i friggn love shy girls, so if you guys are not interested send em my way please.
not to say there isn't a lower limit on it but generally i'd prefer a mousey well presented chick to one that runs around flopping her tits out hoping for everyone approval

whats shyness got to do with self respect/attention whoring? more than two types of women in the world

cerebreturns:
Men don't usually care if a woman is that confident

Won't speak for all other men but I can sure as hell tell you that I personally do care.

There's nothing quite as annoying as an overly clingy girlfriend utterly incapable of making any decision for herself that needs reassurance all the freaking time.

Just to note: shy, mousy, quiet etc. don't necessarily mean a lack of confidence. Someone who knows and accepts only their flaws is lacking confidence, someone who knows and accepts both their flaws and strengths is confident and someone who knows and accepts only their strengths is arrogant.

A girl aware that she's not very great in social situations but also aware that she's damn good at some other stuff isn't lacking in confidence and therefore not lacking in attractiveness, depending on what the other party is looking for. Nothing wrong with knowing you're crap at some stuff and thus avoiding it, as long as you've got your pride in something else.

Because you see i believe it's evolution.

I think i'm going to have to raise my colours on the side of the shy-girls here. It's not that i don't find confident girls unattractive (I do) it's just that i don't really discriminate between the two, a shy girl is just as attractive as a confident one.

One of my first high-school crushes was this shy-girl who i sat next to in maths, later on in university me and this other guy both fancied a quiet girl who did archery with us. Things we're tense but respectable between me and this guy, but perhaps fortunately neither of us managed to get with her in the end!

I think part of the problem here is that people have differing definitions of "confidence"- some people seem to be equating it to mean that if you're not confident you have deep-seated psychological problems, whereas other's seem to be taking confidence to be synonymous with extroversion. I think we can all agree that for both genders, being a psychological mess isn't attractive- but of all the guy's out there trying to understand why they arn't getting laid, i really don't think it's because there's something mentally wrong with them. Quiet people are simply quiet because they have less to say than talkative people, or don't feel the need or impulse to talk quite as often. Nothing wrong with that.

When people say girls are attracted to confident guys, i think what they mean is that they like guys who are talkative, interesting, funny, "cool"- and not afraid to go up to them, flirt and ask them out. Naturally, not all guys tend to behave like this, and trying to behave like this in the wrong situation can easily backfire. However, in some situations i think guys tend to exhibit such personality traits if they're comfortable enough with the situation. I'm starting to think of personality and behaviour in terms of wearing masks- some guys can wear the mask of confidence really convincingly in all situations, in others guys can only wear such a mask in certain situations.

One of my close friends is a bit of man-whore admittedly, he can easily get with women because he's both attractive and very talkative, but speaking as his friend, he doesn't regard himself as being confident as a person- he as all sorts of self doubts but the thing is they don't show until you really get to know him. Similarly, i was talking my friends brother about his success with the opposite sex, and his brother said he wasn't confident in himself either, and after some reflection i had to agree- he's tall, dark, attractive and most of the time quite boisterous and friendly, but he has tendency to go into some dark moods at times. From my personal experience, it's all about how well you wear the mask of confidence. I'm sceptical that it's got anything to do with being totally mentally at ease with yourself.

Confidence is tricky.
I don't particularly seek it out as a trait in someone I want to date, but I wouldn't date someone who has a chronic lack of it.
I don't want to have to reassure someone all the time because they lack self-esteem. I'm not interested in being anyone's mother or cheerleader.
So for me it's less `confidence` and more `has their shit together mentally`.

Also some guys find confident women intimidating. (Wusses). But there are plenty of cool dudes who like confident ladies.

lechat:
guess i'm the odd one out cause i friggn love shy girls, so if you guys are not interested send em my way please.
not to say there isn't a lower limit on it but generally i'd prefer a mousey well presented chick to one that runs around flopping her tits out hoping for everyone approval

Gee, thanks! We'll be sending shy girls to your doorstep as long as they are not too ugly. All women with tanktops will be terminated on sight.

On topic: Confidence is attractive since it helps showing what kind of person they are. They tend to talk more, give their honest opinion on things even if it's a polarizing one and generally don't hide their passions or hobbies. They show their colours and you can more or less figure out what it would be like going out of them.

Shy persons in most cases don't stand out and most people are indifferent to them. They may have as vibrant and interesting personalities as others, but getting them out of their shell is like pulling teeth.

The reason isn't because of evolution, dislike of shyness or even "knowing what he wants" or "can get things done". That's all nonsense. Confidence is the greatest indicator of something else, something underlying and that something is what people are attracted to. A lack of confidence is at its most basic level, a symptom of not being entirely at peace with oneself, not liking the person one is, not being happy with the life one leads and/or not believing that one is a person worth loving, or even liking. These are turn-offs; who will love a man who doesn't even like himself?

Confidence is the outward expression of a man with self-assurance and self-belief. He is happy and at peace with the person he is and projects that visibly and unconciously. That's not to say that the person he is is necessarily attractive to every woman, he isn't. But he is happy with himself and his life, doesn't need other's approval nor anyone to affirm that he's a good man. He doesn't need to think of what to say and what not to say to impress someone, he is true to himself and comes across as natural and at ease. Others, potential partners in particular see this instinctively and what it says to them is "this is a man worth having".

It's different in women though and for a different reason. Many men find shy women attractive. It's to do with "dominance" in a relationship, particularly in relation to the traditional role of a man being the head of a family and "wearing the trousers in the relationship". Many men dislike very confident or dominant women for preisely this reason; it is intimidating, off-putting and makes them feel threatened, lessened.

A shy woman however provides the opportunity to a man who is himself a little shy, lacking in complete self-assurance or who subconciously wants a relationship in which he can be more assertive. These relationships are usually very successful because there is constant giving by both parties and both provide precisely what the other needs.

Being shy and being self-confident aren't mutually exclusive; one can be both in fact. Self-confidence is a very attractive quality in either sex, while shyness is really only attractive in women. Men in general prefer a less-dominant woman while women, in general, prefer a more-dominant man.

lechat:
guess i'm the odd one out cause i friggn love shy girls, so if you guys are not interested send em my way please.
not to say there isn't a lower limit on it but generally i'd prefer a mousey well presented chick to one that runs around flopping her tits out hoping for everyone approval

"A mousey well presented chick" may very well be confident in herself whereas a girl who "runs around flopping her tits out hoping for everyone's approval" is not confident by definition. You know, because being desperate for everyone's approval isn't a sign of confidence. So it doesn't really sound like you're the odd one out.

Karoshi:

On topic: Confidence is attractive since it helps showing what kind of person they are. They tend to talk more, give their honest opinion on things even if it's a polarizing one and generally don't hide their passions or hobbies. They show their colours and you can more or less figure out what it would be like going out of them.

But that's just it. Assertivenes, talkativeness, that's not the same as "confidence". That can be just a mask too, no way can you know that's really their "true colors". See the post above by Nickolai77, which I heartily agree with.

Me, for example, usually stay out of small talk not because I'd be "shy", but because small talk bores me to hell and back.

Confident dude here.

Women, nay, everyone likes someone they can rally behind. Somebody who knows what he is doing. That's why women love confidence - they love a man with direction.

SimpleThunda':
Whether you are aware of it or not, whether you are a man or a woman, you will always be attracted to the Alpha-male/woman.

Yeah, this is rubbish. Complete rubbish. Rubbish on multiple levels, even.

Firstly, because I know counter-examples for both sexes. "Alpha females", as in women who push themselves to dominate whatever group they're in, turn me off just as fast as "you know I'm a dude, right?". Not that I'm opposed to women who achieve, I love confident women with success and drive. But I can't stand anyone who gets wrapped up in competition and having a need to be the dominant figure in a group. Likewise, I have a male friend who is cripplingly insecure. He's the polar opposite of an alpha male. He frequently hooks up with absolutely gorgeous women- women so stunning that pretty much everyone in the room's jaw drops when they come in, then their jaws drop again when they realize who their with. Basically, when he's with a woman she has to make all the first moves. But somehow he makes it work. So on the first level, your comment is rubbish because people don't all like the same things.

Second, you're trying to link social dominance with confidence, and the two aren't anything close to the same. See my comments about confidence used to mask insecurity on the previous page. Most people I know who dominate their groups, who are "alphas" routinely demonstrate crippling insecurity when things aren't going their way.

Also for women, but I think genetic code (Looks/health) is more important for men, though. Because it ensures healthy/genetically superior offspring.

This is also rubbish, because it presumes there to be a universal standard of appearance. Sure, most straight guys do like a woman they enjoy looking at, but what they enjoy looking at differs from guy to guy. For example, like most Americans I grew up in a community where leggy blonde women with big breasts were worshiped by most men as the female ideal- and honestly this "type" doesn't do much for me. I don't find them especially attractive. So if different men find different "looks" attractive, then "looks" have no meaning.

Besides, I don't give a toss about prospects for offspring. You know what draws me to women? Emotional engagement. I can be around someone who is absolutely gorgeous for days and not even notice it until we have a conversation that draws both of us in.

As a man you can't help but feel like they've got something to back that confidence up (genetic code), because confidence is hard/impossible to fake.

LOL. Yeah, right.

My hobby is hanging out in clubs and people-watching. I have seen so many people dupe each other with feigned confidence. It ends up being quite hilarious, really.

I'm starting to get the impression that a lot of guys in this thread who like to imagine themselves as confident are arguing that all straight women prefer men like themselves in order to big-up their own self-esteem. Which would actually indicate rather deep insecurity- to be unable to accept that people are attracted to different things and that you might not be everyone's default preference, that's a sign of something lacking.

It would be neat to cross-reference posts in this thread with the Narcissism Test.

Confidence usually (note: not always) some level of success and security. It gives the impression that the man is not some loser who can't take care of himself, much less someone else. Typically its a positive trait in women as well, its just talked about less. Its the same as humor, good looks, and intelligence. A good trait regardless of gender.

Vault101:

Quadocky:

If you want a more relevant example, Yahtzee.
.

huh?..I dont get it

no disrespect to Mr Yahtzee but he kind of seems a bit miserable...also a self professed introvert

Introvert =/= Lack of confidence. A lot of introverts are very confident people. They just don't particularly enjoy drawn out interaction with others for physiological reasons. As for Yahtzee's attitude, I'm pretty sure he's a giant bitch in his posts for the entertainment value. That's why people watch his videos. I doubt he's that cynical all day everyday, and even if he is, that doesn't mean he's not confident.

Katatori-kun:

Yeah, this is rubbish. Complete rubbish. Rubbish on multiple levels, even.

Firstly, because I know counter-examples for both sexes. "Alpha females", as in women who push themselves to dominate whatever group they're in, turn me off just as fast as "you know I'm a dude, right?". Not that I'm opposed to women who achieve, I love confident women with success and drive. But I can't stand anyone who gets wrapped up in competition and having a need to be the dominant figure in a group. Likewise, I have a male friend who is cripplingly insecure. He's the polar opposite of an alpha male. He frequently hooks up with absolutely gorgeous women- women so stunning that pretty much everyone in the room's jaw drops when they come in, then their jaws drop again when they realize who their with. Basically, when he's with a woman she has to make all the first moves. But somehow he makes it work. So on the first level, your comment is rubbish because people don't all like the same things.

Second, you're trying to link social dominance with confidence, and the two aren't anything close to the same. See my comments about confidence used to mask insecurity on the previous page. Most people I know who dominate their groups, who are "alphas" routinely demonstrate crippling insecurity when things aren't going their way.

Also for women, but I think genetic code (Looks/health) is more important for men, though. Because it ensures healthy/genetically superior offspring.

This is also rubbish, because it presumes there to be a universal standard of appearance. Sure, most straight guys do like a woman they enjoy looking at, but what they enjoy looking at differs from guy to guy. For example, like most Americans I grew up in a community where leggy blonde women with big breasts were worshiped by most men as the female ideal- and honestly this "type" doesn't do much for me. I don't find them especially attractive. So if different men find different "looks" attractive, then "looks" have no meaning.

Besides, I don't give a toss about prospects for offspring. You know what draws me to women? Emotional engagement. I can be around someone who is absolutely gorgeous for days and not even notice it until we have a conversation that draws both of us in.

As a man you can't help but feel like they've got something to back that confidence up (genetic code), because confidence is hard/impossible to fake.

LOL. Yeah, right.

My hobby is hanging out in clubs and people-watching. I have seen so many people dupe each other with feigned confidence. It ends up being quite hilarious, really.

I'm starting to get the impression that a lot of guys in this thread who like to imagine themselves as confident are arguing that all straight women prefer men like themselves in order to big-up their own self-esteem. Which would actually indicate rather deep insecurity- to be unable to accept that people are attracted to different things and that you might not be everyone's default preference, that's a sign of something lacking.

It would be neat to cross-reference posts in this thread with the Narcissism Test.

1a. An alpha-female doesn't have to be dominant at all. Just confident. Maybe also dominant, but dominance comes in very many forms. It's not just the 'leader'-type.
b. Your friend is an exception rather than a rule. It sounds like he's playing "hard to get" (waiting for someone else to make the move), which is a great way to fake confidence. You can never hold this up for longer than a one-night-stand, though. Which is all you may need/want, but sex =/= relationship.
c. We do all like the same thing, but it comes in a different shapes and forms. And when we fail to get the best, we settle for less. Harsh, but true.

2a. Like I said, good genetics and attraction are not as simple as your average model you see in magazines. Good genetics do not come in only one form. Health also plays a role. I'm not saying that you can only be attracted by the best genetics, but you'll be looking for them all the time, subconciously.

b. The offspring thing is just a subconcious thing that you can't avoid. We're animals. We're "programmed" to reproduce. It's our only objective purpose as a species, so believe me, you care. Whether you want/know it or not.

3a. People hook up with other people in clubs, usually for a one-night-stand. Sex =/= relationship. That people can fake confidence just long enough to get into bed with someone hardly makes a point. When you get into any relationship, you can't fake confidence. It either happens automatically, because you ARE confident, or you're going to fall flat on your face. Moreover, insecurity in a relationship is almost always a distaster waiting to happen.

Rawne1980:

They wanted a confident man because a confident man knows who he is, what he wants and is able to look after himself.

From my experience confident men most certainly don't know who they are. That's precisely why they are confident.

Hazy:
Confident dude here.

Women, nay, everyone likes someone they can rally behind. Somebody who knows what he is doing. That's why women love confidence - they love a man with direction.

But knowing what you're doing and having direction isn't confidence. You have to know you know, which really means you don't know at all.

"I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing."
-Socrates (the most confident man in history?)

Most relationships are based either on likes or opposites. So either someone is confident and has no time for people that aren't similarly outgoing and brash, or they're insecure and feel like someone that always knows what they're doing would be a good counter-point to their personality.

Also, even people that _do_ go after people they perceive to be un-confident probably won't admit it, because that's another way of saying "I prey on people's insecurity" and is thus and incredibly bloody creepy thing to say in a culture where the members of a relationship are supposed to be equals.

(Certainly there are couples that are both just kinda 'meh' on certain things, but those things are rarely what they consider to define their relationships. It's almost always places where they feel they're opposites, or where they feel they agree.)

SimpleThunda':
1a. An alpha-female doesn't have to be dominant at all.

Actually, it does. That's what 'alpha' means.

b. Your friend is an exception rather than a rule. It sounds like he's playing "hard to get" (waiting for someone else to make the move), which is a great way to fake confidence. You can never hold this up for longer than a one-night-stand, though. Which is all you may need/want, but sex =/= relationship.

Actually, he does hold it up for longer than a one-night stand. In fact, as a rule he refuses to have one-night stands.

But the fact of the matter is, if he's an exception, there is no rule.

c. We do all like the same thing, but it comes in a different shapes and forms.

I will continue to call bullshit on this until you back this up with evidence that hasn't been pulled out of your ass.

And when we fail to get the best, we settle for less. Harsh, but true.

Yeah, this is the sort of bullshit PUAs tell themselves because they're so insecure they need to believe that even their intimate contact with other human beings is a competition they can "win" at.

I'm not saying that you can only be attracted by the best genetics, but you'll be looking for them all the time, subconciously.

Yay, more evo-psyche nonsense that can't be backed up with a shred of evidence.

b. The offspring thing is just a subconcious thing that you can't avoid.

I'm pretty sure the billions of people around the world who have chosen not to have offspring have done exactly that.

We're animals. We're "programmed" to reproduce.

Yay, more completely unscientific and unsupportable evo-psyche nonsense.

3a. People hook up with other people in clubs, usually for a one-night-stand.

You do realize that meeting someone at a club doesn't guarantee one is only looking for a one-night stand, don't you? I've watched long-term relationships form at clubs by people pretending to be confident.

So, you're wrong. You're claiming to know what everyone else looks for in relationships despite evidence disconfirming your claims staring you straight in the face.

SimpleThunda':
Whether you are aware of it or not, whether you are a man or a woman, you will always be attracted to the Alpha-male/woman.

Confidence often hints to that.

Also for women, but I think genetic code (Looks/health) is more important for men, though. Because it ensures healthy/genetically superior offspring.

You can say a lot of deep things about relationships and love, but we're all just animals. We still think like animals whether we notice it or not.

On a note:

I do think confidence in women is important. It makes them stand out, it makes them sexy. As a man you can't help but feel like they've got something to back that confidence up (genetic code), because confidence is hard/impossible to fake. People will look right through you.

Also, confidence is the backbone of a healthy relationship.

You do realize that what's considered good looking changes basically every generation, sometimes vastly? I mean there were periods in history where woman's feet were basically mutilated to make them smaller because that was considered attractive, not exactly a sign of good health.

Or how there's no shortage of men who find women with glasses attractive, you know a physical sign of a minor genetic defect? There's countless more examples in human history when it comes to both female and male ideals that make not the least bit of sense when considered from a genetic standpoint.

Saying we're all just animals and think like them is as ignorant as saying we're totally different and think nothing like them. Not to mention that the base assumption that all animals think the same is about as ignorant as can be, there are vast differences in how each species behaves, to the point where they're not even remotely comparable, humans included.

Jim_Callahan:
Most relationships are based either on likes or opposites. So either someone is confident and has no time for people that aren't similarly outgoing and brash, or they're insecure and feel like someone that always knows what they're doing would be a good counter-point to their personality.

This also highlights another fallacy in this conversation, the notion that confidence is exclusively a personality trait that is uniform across a person's experience.

Yes, there are people who are insecure in general as a result of their personality. But these people tend to be rare. In my experience, most people's confidence or insecurity comes down to well, experience.

For example, I'm going to be totally insecure about, say, building a computer, because I haven't done it in the last decade. Ask me to do open-heart surgery, and I'm likewise going to need a lot of hand-holding. But the domains of my life that I'm experienced in, I'm very confident with.

So, when we're talking about confidence being desirable in a partner, what kind of confidence are we talking about? If I can confidently stand up in front of an auditorium and give a speech in another language without sweating, does that mean all the women in the crowd are going to get wet panties? Doubtful. When I had a job training teachers and was absolutely confident in how I did my job, but then went to university and became insecure about my place in graduate-level academia, did that transition automatically make me less desirable to women? Again, doubtful.

Confidence exudes security. People, men and women, like feeling secure, when they're in relationships. We don't like insecure people. That's not a gender thing. True, some people are more insecure/confident about one thing over another, but generally people who are overall self-confident don't allow insecurities impede them from accomplishing things, or impede them from facing their insecurities and defeating them.

It's basically a dipstick for successfulness. A successful person will be more confident, and successful people (generally speaking) tend to keep being successful.

Cuz, come on, nobody wants to partner up with someone who's struggling all the time.

Vegosiux:

Karoshi:

On topic: Confidence is attractive since it helps showing what kind of person they are. They tend to talk more, give their honest opinion on things even if it's a polarizing one and generally don't hide their passions or hobbies. They show their colours and you can more or less figure out what it would be like going out of them.

But that's just it. Assertivenes, talkativeness, that's not the same as "confidence". That can be just a mask too, no way can you know that's really their "true colors". See the post above by Nickolai77, which I heartily agree with.

Me, for example, usually stay out of small talk not because I'd be "shy", but because small talk bores me to hell and back.

Talkativeness isn't everything. If you speak a lot, but it's all small talk in the end and you always just say "I suppose you are right" "Whatever" "Maybe" and never really speak your mind - that shows if a person ain't confident. Ever notice how when flirting some people always cave in and just claim that they "love everything you love"? As you said, that's a mask and a pretty bullshit one.

That's why I mentioned not only talking, but being honest and relaxed as well. Sure, one might have a set of fake opinions and hobbies, but I'm not sure how anybody could bear lying about yourself all the time.

Karoshi:

Talkativeness isn't everything. If you speak a lot, but it's all small talk in the end and you always just say "I suppose you are right" "Whatever" "Maybe" and never really speak your mind - that shows if a person ain't confident.

Ain't confident? How about ain't interested?

Ever notice how when flirting some people always cave in and just claim that they "love everything you love"? As you said, that's a mask and a pretty bullshit one.

Oh, that's just obnoxiously boring, I agree. Though the entire "flirting" game usually comes across as just pretentious in the first place...

That's why I mentioned not only talking, but being honest and relaxed as well. Sure, one might have a set of fake opinions and hobbies, but I'm not sure how anybody could bear lying about yourself all the time.

Honest, relaxed and only actively engaging in interaction when you actually care about it? Now how many people would mistake that last bit for lack of confidence?

There's the rub.

At least for me, that really works both ways. Low confidence in a girl is actually a huge dealbreaker for me, to the point that I've rejected/friendzoned/"yeah of course I'll call you"-ed women on that basis.

As for exactly why women in particular think confidence is sexy; I have no idea. But it works.

Yeah, the saying "women love confidence in a man" is so generic that it means nothing.

DanDeFool:
It's basically a dipstick for successfulness.

Is it?

Let's look at Donald Trump. Anyone who has to get fake tanned to that shade of orange and who can't let themselves go bald gracefully clearly has insecurities, which are also pointed out by his absurd behavior and constant attention-seeking. And yet, he's the very definition of success. I'm sure a cursory examination of the celebrities in any country would bring out a whole laundry list of people who are successful yet lack confidence.

I had a classmate in high school who was the epitome of high school success. Popular, funny, extroverted, athletic... he appeared to have it all. He had friends, he had charm that could let him get away with anything from most teachers, he had women, he had money...

...Until he killed himself.

People wear masks. Confident people are no exception. Everyone has doubts. If you do not doubt yourself, you have a psychological condition called narcissism. You should seek help.

Because no woman wants to date someone who doesn't have the balls to stick up for themselves.

Confidence doesn't mean being an annoying jackass who has good social skills, I am very confident, but I am quite shy around strangers and people I don't know, I am a chatterbox with friends though.

cerebreturns:

Except that's just my point. The fact that even though it's not needed required anymore, it's still desired and required by the majority of women, even those who try to take on other roles.

I would say thats an opinion, not a fact. A male who isn't confident doesn't raise kids who are confident in themselves or their abilities, thus making life harder for them to adapt to once they're in the real world.
Confidence is a trait that leads to success, whereas low self-esteem can hinder social and work relationships to a point where they atrophy.
How many successful people have no confidence in themselves? And how ridiculous is it to say that confidence of the self is a trait that is no longer needed?
Personally I wouldn't want to be with someone, male or female who had no self-confidence. Why? Because people with low self-confidence are needy and clingy and those relationships do not last, tend to be a burden and drag the other person down.
Also confidence and arrogance are two wholly different traits and shouldn't be confused, but some women seem to not know the difference.

Many years of me watching nice girls get together with the worst kinds of guys, leads me to believe that it's just the way it is.
It used to frustrate me but deciding that it's just a fact of life gives me a sort of 'knowledge pride' and allows me to move on.

I call it a decision because it's not truth, and i'm sure many people would like to prove me wrong, but until i see it for myself it's my truth.

A lot of the differences between TRENDS (Trends! Just Trends! Not a guerentee, not what all of them are but TTRRREEEEENNNNDDDSSSS!!!) for men and women come down to the evolutionary history of women as baby making machines and men as disposable appliances with 2 settings, Impregnate and Kill. Confident men get stuff done or they die trying, either great success or no big loss. A lot of men can die, and there will still be plenty of sperm left. Confident women might try to fight a saber-tooth tiger or something, which is unhealthy for the baby, or their capacity to produce spawn for the tribe. This perspective doesn't fit in with modern life? Congratulations, you have just pointed out the problem.

Lots of phenomena start looking really weird under the evolutionary psychology lens. Why are men so obsessed with big Penis's? Well that would be because a large penis acts as a plunger for removing competitors sperm from their mates vagina. Why do women make the duck face when they try to look attractive? That would be because they are trying to make their lips look like an aroused vagina to entice men. Its awkward to admit, but a lot of our instincts are based on some REALLY weird things. Before we criticize our weird double standards and non-sensical behavior, its worth remembering that we have come a LOOONG way.

Correlation != causation. I think there's a simpler answer at play.

It's often said that women favour confidence in a man, but that view seems a bit off to me. First thing you should do is acknowlege statistical biases. Confident men... approach women more. Even if I assume everyone has the same success rate, then confident men win.

Likewise, a woman who engages many men is more likely to be successful.

A lack of confidence is detrimental to all social interactions, firstly because it stops most of them from happening.

People like people who have at least the confidence to be seen and heard, I think that's pretty universal. If you don't see them, and if you can't hold a conversation with them, it's done.

It's important to know what confidence means though. Posturing and being a douche is not confidence. It takes some form of confidence to do it, but it's not itself confidence. Some people get lost here. Being willing to be yourself, and be noticed, and make yourself noticed, is confidence. A person who is confident in their social skills has no problem striking up conversation, talking to new people etc. A person who is confident has no problem with walking tall. These things may also be attractive, but it's my fundamental belief that it's the social abilities rather than the attractiveness of those which are responsible for the meme.

As a guy, I find that unconfident women aren't necessarily unnattractive, but they're a lot harder to get close to. Awkward silences aren't good conversations.

cerebreturns:
Men don't usually care if a woman is that confident, but nearly across the board weither the woman is a dom or a sub, a older or a younger woman, nearly all of them require or find a condifent man sexy/strong/good.

Why?

It isn't this homogonis with men, some like a confident women some don't, but with women it is practicly always a yes.

If submissive or old school house women liked confident men but dominearing/business ladies didn't then I could understand.

But the fact that it seems completly untied to any other beliefs/opinions that the women have in common...is odd yes?

sorry but you're wrong, women without confidence are annoying and not interesting in the slightest, men DO care if a woman is confident. Confidence spawns more confidence.

In fact this entire post makes no sense, you obviously only know women from video games

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