Why do women love confidence in a man?

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nexus:

"Popular media and mainstream culture" = "shy/awkward". . . looool. That's called marketing.

It's successful marketing, which wouldn't work if there wasn't a market. This indicates that it's not aunilateral trait of women to want confidence in a man, which was my argument.

Thank you for proving my point.

LetalisK:
If a runner gets his leg broken and still manages to win the race, I'd question just how injured he was.

That's rather circular reasoning.

Everyone has personal insecurities, but that doesn't preclude someone from still being confident.

I didn't say it did. But this particular person is not confident. This person wears a mask of confidence.

If he still has a healthy love life even after rejection, then rejection can't be crippling him.

I'm not sure I'd say it's healthy, I just said he has lots of women.

I'm old enough to have observed guys who have a different woman on their arm every week, and one thing I notice about them all is that they are extremely manipulative. These so-called "type A" men have very little concern about the thoughts and feelings of people around them, and so they're able to push people's buttons and get them to do what they want. They're able to twist social gatherings until they're the center of attention. They're guys who can make women feel like they're the center of their world, even as they're secretly setting up a booty-call for that very night. They lie, cheat, and backstab other men, because getting their dicks wet takes priority over everything else. They look confident, but it's a facade.

And in the long term, it's not always healthy. Like I said, I know one person who ended up taking his own life. I've known a fair number who fail to find any long-term relationships (or even friendships) because eventually people realize they're narcissistic opportunists, and they either end up discovering in middle-age that they're friendless and alone, or they end up trapped in a loveless marriage with someone just as horrible as they are. The cleverest do manage to sort themselves out just before they've "passed their expiration date" and settle down with someone for a more conventional relationship, but it's hard to just put aside a lifetime of manipulation.

It's not a proven, scientific rule, but one thing I've learned in life is that people tend to demonize in others what they're most insecure about people discovering in themselves. And observing guys who demonize a lack of confidence in other men is what led me to discovering this principle. The incident that got me on this track was being in a bar with a friend of mine who wasn't particularly confident, with two guys of the more opportunistic and "confident" variety. And we met a couple of women that the two of us non-outwardly confident guys frankly weren't interested in. We were more interested in just relaxing and enjoying the evening without going on the pull. But these two "confident" men were incapable of doing that. Even though they struck out with the women, they spent the whole night talking themselves up to these women, trying to contrast themselves as out-going and interesting against us as shy and insecure. It didn't matter that we weren't interested in the women in the first place, because they needed to be seen as superior. They lacked the confidence to have an evening without competing against someone and "winning", even if the competition completely existed in their own heads. And what did they get out of it? Drunk, no dates, and two annoyed guys who might have been willing to help them with their game if they were capable of being genuinely nice to others, but who instead would never hang out with them again.

I'm a guy I like confidence in ladies too confidence is just attractive, unless I guess if your just completely looking to dominate a relationship I guess.

Damir Halilovic:
[
The bottom line is: Men are attracted to feminine traits, women are attracted to masculine traits, both physically and mentally.

Except that wasn't even true in the 50s, when that mindset was prevalent, and it hasn't got any more accurate in the last 60 years.

From my experience, women like CONFIDENCE, not excessive swagger. Women (and guys, for that matter) can smell fake confidence from a mile away. Confidence, at least in my mind, means a calm, collected, nothing-to-prove kind of manner. Being comfortable and relaxed. Getting all up in peoples faces all the time, to me, suggests insecurity, like that person constantly needs to prove to themselves and everyone around them how badass they are. This topic actually arises occasionally in my sport, Powerlifting. The best lifters are almost universally "quietly confident", at least before they actually lift that is.

On the topic of confident women, I actually LOVE confidence in women. I don't know how to handle a shy girl, I constantly feel like I need to be careful so as to not freak them out. It's much nicer to be with someone who is comfortable in their own skin.

Following everyone's definition here, confident and at he same time I lack confidence. WAT?

Zachary Amaranth:

nexus:

"Popular media and mainstream culture" = "shy/awkward". . . looool. That's called marketing.

It's successful marketing, which wouldn't work if there wasn't a market. This indicates that it's not aunilateral trait of women to want confidence in a man, which was my argument.

Thank you for proving my point.

It's called trickery, the shy heartthrob in question isn't actually shy, he doesn't even have the realistic appearance of being shy. He stands on a stage on tour 365 days a year and is told to masquerade around with naivety. Again, the women only care that the guy is successful and "confident". If he wasn't a stage performer, and instead only carried around the "shy, naive" traits, they really wouldn't give a shit about him.

I misread what you were saying, or maybe I still am.

Zachary Amaranth:

Damir Halilovic:
[
The bottom line is: Men are attracted to feminine traits, women are attracted to masculine traits, both physically and mentally.

Except that wasn't even true in the 50s, when that mindset was prevalent, and it hasn't got any more accurate in the last 60 years.

Hold on while I go through all the evidence and studies you linked proving your point.

i don't think it's just women, i think it's people in general. nobody likes a whiny depressed emo boy who is always dramatic and insults them self.

nexus:

It's called trickery, the shy heartthrob in question isn't actually shy, he doesn't even have the realistic appearance of being shy. He stands on a stage on tour 365 days a year and is told to masquerade around with naivety. Again, the women only care that the guy is successful and "confident". If he wasn't a stage performer, and instead only carried around the "shy, naive" traits, they really wouldn't give a shit about him.

Let me put it in form of a question, and forgive me for stereotyping.

Do teenage girls fawn over "Robert Pattinson" or "Edward Cullen"? Do teenage boys think "Sylvester Stallone" is badass, or that "Rambo" is badass?

Katatori-kun:
snippy

You called those two your friends? From the sounds of it, they didn't really build themselves up as quality sex material, but more like trying to cut you two down to seem relatively better and then win by default, because, you know, women can't just walk away. The women could probably smell the desperation on them.

Oh, and as soon as you said...

It's not a proven, scientific rule, but one thing I've learned in life is that people tend to demonize in others what they're most insecure about people discovering in themselves.

...I thought gay preacher. Those situations always make me chuckle.

It's so annoying to see every second guy in this thread go: "it's not just women, men love confidence in their partner too". ARGHHH!! Personally i don't give a crap about confidence in a woman! Only problem i have with dating a woman with low self-confidence is that, since i have low self-confidence as well it's kinda hard to meet-up since it would be hard for both of us to make the first step.

LetalisK:

Katatori-kun:
snippy

You called those two your friends?

Trust me, after that incident they were not.

From the sounds of it, they didn't really build themselves up as quality sex material, but more like trying to cut you two down to seem relatively better and then win by default, because, you know, women can't just walk away.

But that's the way I see so many "confident" men behaving. Because how do you show someone you're confident?

The women could probably smell the desperation on them.

The thing is, I don't know about one of them, but at least the other had a steady stream of sex-partners. Women can be every bit as naive as men, and there's no limit to the number of girls who can get duped into thinking a guy is confident when he's just a good-looking douchebag.

Oh, and as soon as you said...

It's not a proven, scientific rule, but one thing I've learned in life is that people tend to demonize in others what they're most insecure about people discovering in themselves.

...I thought gay preacher. Those situations always make me chuckle.

Yup. That's another perfect example.

Damir Halilovic:

Zachary Amaranth:

Damir Halilovic:
[
The bottom line is: Men are attracted to feminine traits, women are attracted to masculine traits, both physically and mentally.

Except that wasn't even true in the 50s, when that mindset was prevalent, and it hasn't got any more accurate in the last 60 years.

Hold on while I go through all the evidence and studies you linked proving your point.

Your comment would be more cutting if you had a shred of evidence to back up your claim that Zachary was rebutting.

Damir Halilovic:

Hold on while I go through all the evidence and studies you linked proving your point.

Isn't it a touch hypocritical to make a big speech about how men like the feminine and women like the masculine with no linked proof or evidence, then tear me down for not providing the same? The burden of proof lies with the original affirmative claim, my friend.

Katatori-kun:

But that's the way I see so many "confident" men behaving. Because how do you show someone you're confident?

I don't think there is one thing I could point at and say "Do that around someone and they'll know you're confident." It's a totality of one's behavior. To me, confidence is defined by how we handle our insecurities. If someone allows their insecurities to run rampant to manifest in ways such as insulting themselves, poor self-esteem, etc, then that's no good. However, if someone puts an iron grip on those insecurities and effectively bottles them up, they may appear confident, but those insecurities will manifest themselves in other toxic ways, like demeaning another person to feel better about yourself or perfectionism bordering on obsessive compulsion. The key is to recognize one's insecurities, faults, and failings and to be honest with them. Change what one can and don't be shaken by what can't be changed, even go so far as to own those insecurities. If one can do that, they'll show others their confidence, as a matter of course. It's all in the prep work.

It's much easier said than done and usually involves a lot of pride swallowing, though.

LetalisK:

Katatori-kun:

But that's the way I see so many "confident" men behaving. Because how do you show someone you're confident?

I don't think there is one thing I could point at and say "Do that around someone and they'll know you're confident." It's a totality of one's behavior. To me, confidence is defined by how we handle our insecurities. If someone allows their insecurities to run rampant to manifest in ways such as insulting themselves, poor self-esteem, etc, then that's no good. However, if someone puts an iron grip on those insecurities and effectively bottles them up, they may appear confident, but those insecurities will manifest themselves in other toxic ways, like demeaning another person to feel better about yourself or perfectionism bordering on obsessive compulsion. The key is to recognize one's insecurities, faults, and failings and to be honest with them. Change what one can and don't be shaken by what can't be changed, even go so far as to own those insecurities. If one can do that, they'll show others their confidence, as a matter of course. It's all in the prep work.

It's much easier said than done and usually involves a lot of pride swallowing, though.

Now this, I like this. And I very much agree. You're shifting confidence away from an attitude, acknowledging that it is hard to identify specifically, but it can possibly be revealed through a person's actions. And that overcompensating for one's insecurities is just as much a lack of confidence as letting them rule you.

Yes, I think you've hit on exactly how this idea should be framed. Framing it this way also neatly incorporates the earlier talk about how being introverted doesn't have anything to do with one's confidence. If we think of introversion/extroversion as someone's social orientation (do they enjoy small groups or big groups) then it's entirely possible to be confident yet introverted.

The only problem is that framing the discussion this way means we need to shift some of our earlier answers. Since we accept that not everyone is good at identifying real confidence (as opposed to faked bluster) then that means that it's reasonable to say that yes, most people do like confidence- but not everyone recognizes it when they see it and not everyone pursues it in a partner.

janjotat:
Following everyone's definition here, confident and at he same time I lack confidence. WAT?

Probably because you're talking about "Everyone's definition". We all work from subtly, or vastly different definitions. If you take them all at once, you'll have a bad time. Although I'm not sure that the definitions are all that different.

Me personally, when I say, confidence, I mean that a person has the belief that they are competent in their skills, and believes that they are likely to succeed at their endeavours as a result.

Which is basically a poorly worded version of what you can find here:

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/confidence or here http://oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/confidence

Katatori-kun:

DanDeFool:
It's basically a dipstick for successfulness.

Is it?

Let's look at Donald Trump. Anyone who has to get fake tanned to that shade of orange and who can't let themselves go bald gracefully clearly has insecurities, which are also pointed out by his absurd behavior and constant attention-seeking. And yet, he's the very definition of success. I'm sure a cursory examination of the celebrities in any country would bring out a whole laundry list of people who are successful yet lack confidence.

I had a classmate in high school who was the epitome of high school success. Popular, funny, extroverted, athletic... he appeared to have it all. He had friends, he had charm that could let him get away with anything from most teachers, he had women, he had money...

...Until he killed himself.

People wear masks. Confident people are no exception. Everyone has doubts. If you do not doubt yourself, you have a psychological condition called narcissism. You should seek help.

Yeah. Like I said, it's a dipstick.

Trump may be a bit childish in his public discourse, and is aging less gracefully than one might aspire to, but anyone who's that rich has to be pretty confident in their business acumen, at least.

As for your friend, people kill themselves for all kinds of reasons. Without wishing to disrespect the dead, even someone who has everything under control has some issues they just can't handle, no matter how confident they are.

A dipstick tells you if you've got oil in your vehicle, and gives you a rough measurement of how much you have. A car with plenty of oil is probably going to run better than a car with very little oil. Still, the dipstick won't tell you if you've got the right kind of oil, or if the oil needs to be changed. It certainly doesn't tell you anything about the overall state of the engine.

In other words, you didn't overthink my metaphor as much as I thought you would, and you should be ashamed of yourself. :p

What do you mean all women like a confident man? Some women like submissive men. It makes them feel powerful in a world there are traditionally viewed as weak. In addition, some women like awkward geeky guys because don't come on as strong. Peoples' taste in potential partners is varied and influenced by many factors, for both genders.

DanDeFool:
Trump may be a bit childish in his public discourse, and is aging less gracefully than one might aspire to, but anyone who's that rich has to be pretty confident in their business acumen, at least.

Do they? What if they inherited their money? What if they got lucky? What if they know they've ripped off countless people to get where they are, that they couldn't make an honest buck if they tried?

As for your friend, people kill themselves for all kinds of reasons. Without wishing to disrespect the dead, even someone who has everything under control has some issues they just can't handle, no matter how confident they are.

It would seem to me that not controlling your issues would be part of the very definition of lacking confidence.

You've also neglected the possibility that a person could be confident but not be successful. The two may influence each other, but they aren't always directly correlated.

RTSnab:

This actually made me laugh, I applaud you sir!

I'm glad reality amuses you.

Zachary Amaranth:

Damir Halilovic:

Hold on while I go through all the evidence and studies you linked proving your point.

Isn't it a touch hypocritical to make a big speech about how men like the feminine and women like the masculine with no linked proof or evidence, then tear me down for not providing the same? The burden of proof lies with the original affirmative claim, my friend.

Zachary Amaranth:

Zachary Amaranth:
[quote="Damir Halilovic" post="18.398902.16346966"]

Hold on while I go through all the evidence and studies you linked proving your point.

Isn't it a touch hypocritical to make a big speech about how men like the feminine and women like the masculine with no linked proof or evidence, then tear me down for not providing the same? The burden of proof lies with the original affirmative claim, my friend.

Apologies, but while I elaborated on my point to what I believe is a great extent, a simple "lol nope" answer can hardly be a rebuttal. As for proving my point, I believe the sales numbers of Fifty Shades of Grey is proof enough, but I'll be glad to provide some more:

http://www.epjournal.net/wp-content/uploads/EP111835.pdf
http://www.epjournal.net/wp-content/uploads/EP10899909.pdf
http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2011/04/29/why-gss-sex-questions-should-be-taken-with-a-flat-of-salt/
http://www.gq.com/news-politics/newsmakers/201211/truck-stop-killer-gq-november-2012?currentPage=all

etc etc.

I consider confidence the equivalent to experience so in this example it would be experience with woman. Now when you first learned to drive were you a confidant driver? Probably not, but after driving for years you became pretty confidant.

Is it natural to be confident in anything you are inexperienced with? No. And is that really the best thing for a woman? A confident or experienced guy? Does the fact that a guy has been in many relationships increase the chance that his relationship to you will last? Or do you just want people to fake confidence and make themselves uncomfortable? Plus being confident around women doesn't mean they will be confident in all situations.

I am not confident around women but I've worked for everything I have, pulled myself out of financial holes, defended people that could not defend themselves, and supported myself for years. Is that better than the guy who is confident enough to talk to you but doesn't have a job or any aspirations? Women need to start giving more shy and awkward guys a chance because they might be dependable in other more important areas of life. For example, Bill Gates, he wasn't very confident with women he only dated one girl his whole life and he didn't meet her until he was 40 but he obviously was a confident business man.

Vault101:
scared?....how uh "confident" were you? what does that even mean?

I enjoyed being committed to another person. When she caught wind of that, she got scared. Simple. Long term relations aren't everyone's cup of tea.

Vault101:
making swepping (and a little insulting) generalisations about a group is goiing to cause a shitstorm...and your going to have to explain that one ,also what IS a good guy?

I already did explain the reason I called the majority of women here (in Romania) bipolar cowards. Of course it's insulting. But it's also sincere. I also explained that the comment was directed to women between 18 and 23, maximum 24 yrs old.

The good guy term is being described by people as being too nice. This has been a constant problem for me. I don't enjoy playing hard to get nor being played like that, nor do I like making people jealous, nor changing girls like pairs of socks every few weeks. In my circle, that's who I am and MY definition. Maybe in a different circle, I would be something else. Depends on your kind of definition and people you hang out with.

As to that last part, yes, guys do not fall only into the categories of 'nice guy' and 'tool'. There are also 'nice tools'.

katsabas:

I enjoyed being committed to another person. When she caught wind of that, she got scared. Simple. Long term relations aren't everyone's cup of tea.

you mean to her? jesus what did you do? start suggesting baby names?

I already did explain the reason I called the majority of women here (in Romania) bipolar cowards. Of course it's insulting. But it's also sincere.

yeah...those terms don;t compute for me

The good guy term is being described by people as being too nice

not quite

being a nice decent human being is..its great actually...all what you described there is dickish behaviour (well depending on how one goes about it that is)

people use the term "nice guy" as to imply somthing bad because it describes a specific type of person who actually isnt "nice" at all

the thing is everyone is "nice" being "nice" is not hard, NOT being a total while something admirable (especially depending on situation) but its bare minimum...and you can;t expect to get by on bare minimum

a "nice" guy in the negative sense is the kind of guy who thinks the girl of his desires will fall for him if he's her freind, if hes nice to her...then becomes bitter when she doesn't fall for him because in some way he thinks he's entitled to his happy fairytail ending, its another side of sexism really...again such people might then label women "bitches who only go for jerks" (jerks in this case being any guy who isnt him" because he loves and he appreciates her and blah blah blah it never occurs to him that mabye the girl in question actually has her own wants/desires

note that what I'm describing is a steryotype and I'm not even basing this on expereince (because I dont have any) but more the kind of crap I read on the internet all the time

Jarlaxl:
In this context, confidence generally refers to how one carries one's self in social scenarios. One is expressive, one is extroverted (in a go-talk-to-people sense), one is not shy about walking up to people and meeting them. It is referred to as confidence because it is generally perceived that one must be comfortable in one's own skin to be able to do this - I trust that I am a likable person, so I trust that others will like me too - in short, you are confident in the product of you.

Basically, you're The Most Interesting Man in the World as opposed to Passive-Aggressive Anime Character #87B.

It's more about how you carry yourself than what you do. You can be a total dork, but if you can walk up to someone, say hello, and find common ground and ways to continue a conversation, you've succeeded in "being confident."

Finally, if you do open up to others and it doesn't work, you won't be horribly distraught. You can bounce back, acknowledge that that was one weird person, and move on.

What's so great about that? I doubt I could tolerate someone who walked up to people comfortable in the belief that those people will like them. Nor do I think dismissing anyone who doesn't like you as 'weird' is anything to desired. That seems like a terribly arrogant mindset you're describing.

"I am likeable, everyone will like me and if they don't they're weirdos." Right... keep telling yourself that. I would much prefer someone who acknowledges that they're not The Most interesting Man in the World. That doesn't mean they will be passive aggressive. There is a middle ground between casually striking up conversations with strangers and only communicating via post-it notes.

Vault101:
you mean to her? jesus what did you do? start suggesting baby names?

Νο, no, hahahaha. Nothing like that. Women have instinct. They eventually catch up.

Vault101:
yeah...those terms don't compute for me

They don't have to, they are not your terms :) Everyone has their own.

Vault101:
being a nice decent human being is..its great actually...all what you described there is dickish behaviour (well depending on how one goes about it that is)

people use the term "nice guy" as to imply somthing bad because it describes a specific type of person who actually isnt "nice" at all

the thing is everyone is "nice" being "nice" is not hard, NOT being a total while something admirable (especially depending on situation) but its bare minimum...and you can;t expect to get by on bare minimum

a "nice" guy in the negative sense is the kind of guy who thinks the girl of his desires will fall for him if he's her freind, if hes nice to her...then becomes bitter when she doesn't fall for him because in some way he thinks he's entitled to his happy fairytail ending, its another side of sexism really...again such people might then label women "bitches who only go for jerks" (jerks in this case being any guy who isnt him" because he loves and he appreciates her and blah blah blah it never occurs to him that mabye the girl in question actually has her own wants/desires

note that what I'm describing is a steryotype and I'm not even basing this on expereince (because I dont have any) but more the kind of crap I read on the internet all the time

Doesn't matter if you haven't had the chance, input is appreciated in discussions like these. I am a nice guy in the positive sense. I am not waiting for stuff. I get out there and do them. Sometimes it lifts off, sometimes it doesn't. I also try to own up to my mistakes.

Your interpretation of jerks is bit misled. Jerks in something as fragile as a relationship are something a lot worse that simply 'I'd like to be that guy'. Jerks in this case are people who get off by or believe they are entitled to for some reason to make people miserable, regardless of the other person's feelings. For example, not letting your girlfriend go out with her friends if you are not with her. Jerks also mix and mingle with dicks most of the time.

I think people misunderstand the meaning of "confidence."

Confidence is rooted in the Latin word confidentia, and literally means "trusting [something] firmly."

Self-confidence is having trust in yourself and your own abilities.

If you lack self-confidence, then why would you expect other people to have confidence in you?

Also, shyness and confidence are not mutually exclusive. People saying "I'm attracted to shy girls like on the TV" are fooling themselves, because these shy characters are almost always internally confident. There are people like that in real life, too. But a shy girl who also lacks self-confidence is going to be insecure, vulnerable, irrational, prone to misery and self-doubt, liable to cheat on you with someone "better" (because she has no confidence in any decisions she makes, including the one to go out with you) and generally an unpleasant person to share your life with. Which is why a lack of self-confidence is a serious problem, and not just a cute character quirk.

You're on a ship that's heading straight towards an iceberg. The ship has been dubbed unsinkable and it's exactly 100 years since those teenagers died crashing their boat against the same iceberg.

Who would you rather have taking the helm? The guy who is confident he can steer things around, even though the largest space of open water he had previously seen was his bathtub?

Or the wimpy "nice guy" who's ego is all too easily bruised?

Yeah.

That's why people prefer confident people.

Answer 1 - because people (NOTE - PEOPLE, NOT WOMEN) are stupid.

Answer 2 - Because they actually meet confident people, those without confidence never talked to them in the first place.

Spinozaad:
You're on a ship that's heading straight towards an iceberg. The ship has been dubbed unsinkable and it's exactly 100 years since those teenagers died crashing their boat against the same iceberg.

Who would you rather have taking the helm? The guy who is confident he can steer things around, even though the largest space of open water he had previously seen was his bathtub?

Or the wimpy "nice guy" who's ego is all too easily bruised?

Yeah.

That's why people prefer confident people.

Actually, I'd be looking at their navigatory skills first, all else second.

And since we're not in an action flick, forgive me if I treat the "Is there anyone on this here ship/plane who can steer it and hasn't had fish for dinner?" scenario as a meaningless hypothetical...

Spinozaad:
You're on a ship that's heading straight towards an iceberg. The ship has been dubbed unsinkable and it's exactly 100 years since those teenagers died crashing their boat against the same iceberg.

Who would you rather have taking the helm? The guy who is confident he can steer things around, even though the largest space of open water he had previously seen was his bathtub?

Or the wimpy "nice guy" who's ego is all too easily bruised?

Personally, I'd rather have whoever's best at steering the boat steer it. Confidence != competence.

Vegosiux:

Spinozaad:
You're on a ship that's heading straight towards an iceberg. The ship has been dubbed unsinkable and it's exactly 100 years since those teenagers died crashing their boat against the same iceberg.

Who would you rather have taking the helm? The guy who is confident he can steer things around, even though the largest space of open water he had previously seen was his bathtub?

Or the wimpy "nice guy" who's ego is all too easily bruised?

Yeah.

That's why people prefer confident people.

Actually, I'd be looking at their navigatory skills first, all else second.

And since we're not in an action flick, forgive me if I treat the "Is there anyone on this here ship/plane who can steer it and hasn't had fish for dinner?" scenario as a meaningless hypothetical...

It's implied that the confident one doesn't have any, and the wimpy nice guy is too much of a wimp to handle the pressure (lest he bruise his precious, fragile ego). ;-)

I'm sorry, but the question "why do women love confidence?" is as alien to me as the question "why do people enjoy alcohol?", or want "why do people want to orgasm during sex?" As Sterling Archer would say:

Spinozaad:

Vegosiux:

Spinozaad:
You're on a ship that's heading straight towards an iceberg. The ship has been dubbed unsinkable and it's exactly 100 years since those teenagers died crashing their boat against the same iceberg.

Who would you rather have taking the helm? The guy who is confident he can steer things around, even though the largest space of open water he had previously seen was his bathtub?

Or the wimpy "nice guy" who's ego is all too easily bruised?

Yeah.

That's why people prefer confident people.

Actually, I'd be looking at their navigatory skills first, all else second.

And since we're not in an action flick, forgive me if I treat the "Is there anyone on this here ship/plane who can steer it and hasn't had fish for dinner?" scenario as a meaningless hypothetical...

It's implied that the confident one doesn't have any, and the wimpy nice guy is too much of a wimp to handle the pressure (lest he bruise his precious, fragile ego). ;-)

I'm sorry, but the question "why do women love confidence?" is as alien to me as the question "why do people enjoy alcohol?", or want "why do people want to orgasm during sex?" As Sterling Archer would say:

Sterling Archer was also confident he could land the space shuttle over the wimpy Cyril. He crashed it. I think the awkwardness of your example might be obvious.

You want someone who has the skills to steer, and one of the indicators for that is that they're confident in their ability to steer. But not all confidence is founded, and there's many who feign confidence, or who like being the centre of attention.

Moreover, why would a shyer person be worse at the task for fear of "bruising their ego"? Shy people generally have lower self esteem, not large egos. I think you're mixing metaphors and definitions to promote the superiority of being an overconfident jackass.

For a more likely example: If someone starts having heart trouble, I'll yell out "Are there any doctors here?", not "Are there any douchebags who think they have the skills of a doctor, but no training or skills whatsoever." failing that, I'll look for someone who has first aid training. Failing that, we do the best we can. We don't just leave things in the hands of the most douchey person present.

And using Archer as a role model? Really? He's my favourite fictional character at the moment, but "DO YOU NOT" see that he's a jackass and the butt of his own joke?

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