Florida cops Taser naked burglar who pooped and masturbated when homeowner pulled a gun

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Deputies in Fort Meyers say they Tasered and then arrested a naked Florida man who broke into a home to steal a television but then masturbated and defecated after the homeowner pulled a gun.

Lee County Sheriff's deputies said they were called to a home in North Fort Myers on Monday after the resident heard noises on the roof of his home, according to WTSP. The victim went outside where 21-year-old Gregory Matthew Bruni allegedly jumped from the roof and knocked him down.

"He dropped off my roof and run right in my house," the homeowner said in a 911 call obtained by WBBH.

The victims said that Bruni, who was naked, ran into the living room and broke a 72-inch television in the process of pulling it off of the wall. The suspect then spilled a the contents of a wet/dry vacuum onto the floor.

As Bruni was allegedly headed to where guns were stored in the son's bedroom, the wife fired three shots from a .38 revolver, possibly as a warning.

An arrest report indicated that Bruni fell to the floor and began masturbating. He then ran to the son's room and rubbed his face with clothing.

"He's laying on my floor," the homeowner told 911 operators. "He run in my fucking house naked, hooting and hollering and tearing shit up."

The husband retrieved a 12-guage shotgun and held Bruni at gun point until police arrived, according to the arrest report.

"Lay down, motherfucker, lay down," the husband could be heard shouting.

When deputies arrived, they said Bruni was flailing around on the floor and not making any sense. At one point, he sucked the water from the spilled vacuum into his mouth and spit it back out. Bruni was eventually shocked with a Taser after he tried to flee several times.

"Deputies later discovered Bruni defecated near the front door and in a hallway inside the residence," WTSP reported.

The suspect was taken to Lee Memorial Hospital, but doctors had not yet been able to determine "what Bruni was on." As of Tuesday, Bruni was still at the hospital. He was facing charges of two counts of Criminal Mischief, Battery, Occupied Burglary and resisting without violence.

Source: http://s.tt/1yQK6

After finishing laughing hysterically at this article, the only thing I could think is that some cosmic force or coincidence allowed Yakety Sax to be playing the entire time. I can easily see the whole thing playing out like something from Benny Hill. I realize this was probably very unsettling for the people involved, and it probably could've turned out a lot more serious. This guy had to have been either on something or mentally disturbed.

I feel this gif should rightfully return for this story.

image

I mean, I don't even know where to begin with this.

At first, I wondered if it was some sort of satire a la The Onion, but no, this is an actual, legitimate story.

I have no words for this.

Andy Shandy:
I feel this gif should rightfully retutn for this story.

image

I mean, I don't even know where to begin with this.

At first, I wondered if it was some sort of satire a la The Onion, but no, this is an actual, legitimate story.

I have no words for this.

Exactly! Halfway through posting this, I realized that it had to be fake. But then I actually looked at the site and it seemed legitimate. And they had the local news report.

Wonderful .gif for this situation.

image

I wonder what's in the water down there aside from swamp scum.

There's gotta be something.

You don't hear crazy stories like this coming from Vermont. (I hope, at least.)

I wonder if this is another case of that bath salts shit that was getting a lot of coverage not long ago. Sounds rather similar indeed. I feel somewhat sorry for the dude though, drugs really messes one up and how fucked must you be beforehand to actually take such shit?

Opened this thread thinking it was someone annoyed with all the recent gun threads making a point by posting an obviously satirical headline.

I was wrong.

So this isn't an Onion article! By His noodle appendages, this family must have had one hell of a night.

Truth is stranger than fiction indeed.

Was the guy on bath salts or something?

Well, there's something you don't see everyday...

This is the most hilariously awkward title I have seen on this site! Well done!

Furbyz:
Gregory Matthew Bruni

Poor bastard. For the rest of his life this story is likely to the number one result for anyone googling his name.

I mean... how would you ever live that down?

Furbyz:
Florida man

There. I shortened it for you.

At least I can always rely on Florida to convince people that Texas isn't that bad.

You couldn't make this stuff up could ya? Do they put something in the water down there or what?

Also that the most intriguing thread title I think I've ever seen OP. Makes us think it's gonna completely insane satire and instead it's even further out there real life.

Captcha: EVIL GENIUS

He could well be captcha couldn't he?

This is appropriate:

image

I don't know what to say....

thejarofdirt882:
You couldn't make this stuff up could ya? Do they put something in the water down there or what?

Also that the most intriguing thread title I think I've ever seen OP. Makes us think it's gonna completely insane satire and instead it's even further out there real life.

Captcha: EVIL GENIUS

He could well be captcha couldn't he?

I can take no credit for the title. It's just the headline of the article. No need to fix what isn't broken.

image

I...I just...to quote Frezia from DBZ abridged "Huh...that happened."...that's really all I can say about the situation. I'm at a loss for words.

I know I chuckled half way through that article, I mean seriously, what the fuck?

I seriously thought it was a joke thread or something from The Onion, but apparently not. Those must be some really good drugs that he was on for him to act like something from a cartoon.

Oh Florida, you so crazy! :D

Somebody call Nash, this shit just has to be in the next "What the fuck is wrong with you?" episode.

either on something or completely delusional

Wow...

I don't even...

Wut?

I'm still laughing as I type this. I, like a lot of people, thought this was a satire article. What is wrong with people nowadays? I mean... Just...

What?!

What the- how do you even begin to respond to this? One thing it reminds me of is the bath salts fiasco from a while back, minus the face eating of course. Regardless, I'm in an erratic cycle of wut'ing and laughing here.

blacorebea:
I wonder if this is another case of that bath salts shit that was getting a lot of coverage not long ago.image

I live in Miami and I can tell you that no, this probably isn't another case of bath salts. It sounds like Florida being Florida.

The Ft. Myers/Cape Coral area is kind of notorious for being filled with a lot of, err, "fringe" people you could say. A lot of those true-life murder mystery shows cover cases that are mostly from Florida, either the west coast area (Tampa, and a little further south) or the east coast, usually a city with the word 'Palm' or 'Beach' in the name.

Also, meth has become a real problem in the Tampa area from what I've read/heard/seen.

Mind you, I'm not saying that Miami isn't full of stupid crap. We mostly have stupidly aggressive drivers here or retards who think they're starring in The Fast and the Furious.

/rant

As much insanity that comes out of Florida I'm glad it exists because I tend to laugh my ass off when the really insane shit happens.

I just want to say, I've spent the majority of my life in Florida and still live there. It's really not that bad, although most people REALLY need to put on some pants.

Not entirely relevant; in Florida, it's illegal to live with someone and have sex with them if you aren't married, and everything except for missionary position is illegal. Both are second-degree misdomeaners, punishable by up to two months in jail and/or a $1,000 fine.

Also, it's illegal to have sex with porcupines. No, I don't mean as part of a bestiality statue, porcupines explicitly. And people still have trouble following even that one.

What a champion, truly a king among men. Most people would cry or scream when a gun is pulled on them. This guy? Fuck that, danger like that only serves to get him off.

(shakes head)

Florida, enough said. First a legimate zombie attack, and now this. There is something about that state that makes people go crazy. Actually any state that is mostly a swamp seems to have a high level of crazies.

Huh. Didn't know the Occupy movement was still going on...

shrekfan246:
image

Annnnnnnnd that sums it up right there.

Seriously, the crazies are out in force down there.

Sixcess:

Furbyz:
Gregory Matthew Bruni

Poor bastard. For the rest of his life this story is likely to the number one result for anyone googling his name.

I mean... how would you ever live that down?

You ssy that as though you expect he'd actually care. I'm no psychologist, but I'm pretty sure that when you're to the point when you're running around naked on someone's roof only to pounce them when they come out to investigate, run inside, poop by the front door, smash a TV, empty a wet-vac, poop again in the hallway, then masturbate at gunpoint, you're loooooooooong past the point of caring about what others think about where your life is going.

He's either blissfully insane or blissfully drugged up. Not a care in the world.

...

I...

...

Ummm...

...

So much needs to be said, but the words just don't exist

image
This will make for some pretty awkward conversations
"Hey man whats up,how you doing"
"not so good,a guy broke into my house,shit on my front yard,broke my tv and got itchy in his GIGANTIC TAGER while the police were laughing their asses off on the phone"
Captcha:Cream and sugar

If I was the Husband the entire time I would just be thinking about how badly I wanted to shoot the guy. Stupid society protecting people like that.

this is brilliant I cant stop laughing its just crazy it would make for intresting talk though

I realy hope that everything works out well for the family, even if it is all covered it's still a pain to clean and replace all that stuff.

Well, fuck. I am left without words. I wonder, what the hell was going through that guy's mind.
"LOL IMMA BREK IN TOO GAIZ HOUSE N JAK OFF N FRONT OF HOME OWNER LOOLLLLLL!!!1!!one!!eleven!!@#$"

I just don't know what to say.

To borrow a phrase from the scout of TF2... "What the hell was that crap!?" (Pun intended)

That guy must have been on the same grade of drugs use to make modern day children's shows or something!

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