As the title says. What is the absolute worst movie or movies you have EVER seen. Cartoon, big budget, independent or whatever, if you thought it was so horrid, so crap, post it here.
Mine would have to be Ballistica. Worst dialog ever, even worse acting to rocket it into YOU DO NOT WANT TO WATCH THIS and it clearly rips off the "Ballistica" thing from Equibrium. I think they actually used the same moves. I'd rather have one of Dexter's(Cartoon Network) slapfights with that other guy looped for two hours than watch Boreistica.
I would say 'The Room' but I prefer to think of it as a work of comedic genius.
Epidemic by lars von trier
my god the movie does nothing, goes nowhere and says nothing of value.
It is a bloated, self important piece of shit and it put me off anything my that pretentious twat for the rest of my life.
Thunderbirds was by far the worst piece of crap I've ever seen.
It took everything that made the tv show good, threw that out of the window and made something generic and terrible. Awful characters, awful plot and pacing, awful acting, awful everything.
The Village and Open Water.
The Village. Nothing happens, nothing at all. The only good part are the monsters and even they are old folk in costumes.
Open Water. Nothing happens, nothing at all (see a theme here). The only good part is the Sharks and they are the size of Goldfish. But it's "based on a true story" people tell me. Indeed it is but it's hardly the most exciting true story I can imagine on film. 2 people stranded out at sea and then they die ..... fascinating.
Special mention to Flightplan for just being shit. Although it's not as terrible as the two above it is an absolutely dire film.
Contempt is one of them. I hate that movie so much.
Any M Night Shamalan movies. (Is that how you spell his name?)
I wouldnt say I've watched any movies that are "awful"
Christmas with Kranks....only because its actually disturbing how the towns people bully the Kranks into conforming
i am so envy now that people here havent seen actual bad movies..... you are so lucky.....
Try Black Ribbon.
Its a 100 dollar movie about a possed typewritter. i kid you not, this is the worst movie every created. Movies like The village and The Room are masterpieces in comparison.
and then there are movies....
a situation: a person is runing from a werewolf and need car keys. so he searches his girfriends purse for them, and when she asks to hurry up he replies:
Twilight. Saw the first two out of sheer curiosity. My God, it was so awkward I couldn't even laugh.
And anything with Blake Lively. That woman just ruins movies for me.
I have a great deal of fondness for the other films in the series, even the oft criticised third film, but the fourth movie is just terrible in every way. It's one of those films that you actually feel embarassed for everyone involved in making it. Even Gene Hackman's scenes fall flat, and he's never bad in anything.
It was so bad I blanked the name from my memory, but I looked it up and it's The Forgotten.
Jeez it was so boring & badly acted. (We also managed to guess the entire plot, "twist" and all.)
The Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie was bad too, ridiculously bad pretty much across the board. So bad it was almost a parody of itself, and not a funny one at that. Good thing Mr Whedon took it back and made a great TV show out of what he wanted it to be like.
The Love Guru. I walked out of the cinema after 20 minutes it was that bad.
The first Transformers movie. Most of the time I can deal with a bad movie as just a bad decision but that was the first time I actually wanted those two hours of my life back.
The only other one I can think of was a really bad movie was about some teenager killing dozens of people in his town for no reason at all. It was revolting. The only reason why I list this second was because, when I watched it, I was on a lot of pain killers from my wisdom teeth being pulled and I'd watch anything at that point. So bad.
D.E.B.S and Transformers: Dark of the Moon.
The only two movies that I have ever seen which I could not see to the very end because of how bad they were. Whoever could consider any of these two movies as pure genius should stop whatever they are doing and quickly reevaluate themselves, for they are living in a fantasy world (or on some kick ass drugs).
Yes, I know there are far worse, i.e. amateuristic movies, but this was one of if not the worst movie experience I can remember. It was so bland and boring I could feel it sucking my will to live.
"The Devil wears Prada"
Honestly, that movie was so abysmal and infuriating, so hideously misguided and offensive, I had to watch Blackhawk Down immediately afterwards to rinse my palette.
Second place goes to "Immortals"
Thatb was just mightily bad in every respect.
The Passion of the Christ. Jesus snuff film that hides under the guise of that is how it really happened.
So far my worst one has gone to Transformers: Dark of the Moon.
I have yet to see a movie that has made me pause just so I could shout at the screen.
Well I watch zombie strippers on demand once, just ugh.
but for threaters, probley transformers dar of the moon.
and as for at home I caught a glimsp of twilight when my sisters were watching it, I hated it in a minute.
I would say 'The Room' but I prefer to think of it as a work of comedic genius.
Oh hai, Colour-Scientist!
Anyways, I'd have to say Birdemic or Troll 2. Both are so terrible that they are almost good.
The two Hangover movies. I don't think I've ever seen anything less enjoyable than those two films. A few have come close, but I think those are the worst.
Though, if you like them, good for you.
I'd have to say 'Skin Walkers' was the worst movie I've ever seen all the way through ( I gave up on 'Twilight' and 'Avatar' after fifteen/twenty minutes and 'Barry Lyndon' half-way through).
I got it as a free rental at Blockbuster Video and, after watching it, felt like I over-paid.
Mummy (not that big summer movie, there was this low budget version that was bad).
Eragon (it slaughter the book)
La vita è bella (I don't give a danm if you liked it, it was total borefest!!!)
Battleship (that film make no senses what so ever!).
Transformers 2 and 3 (I at least liked the first one while the sequels were a mess).
Transformers 2 must be the worst movie I have seen in theaters (yes, its worst than Dark Side of the Moon. No, it doesn't mean much)...
On TV, most of the Adam Sandler movies are pretty terrible. The worst may be Eight Crazy Nights, but I feel like choosing between different flavors of shit pie.
My brother made me watch a pile of garbage called "Eraserhead."
So I made him watch "the human centipede," I think I still owe him another horrible movie.
hard to say. I tend to not remember the really awful movies - memory sort of blocks them out. The village was mentioned in here several times but for what it was worth, the premise was interesting and it started out pretty well. It did go full-on retarded near the end but whatever, I'll let it slide.
That live action Tekken thing was pretty horrible though. I mean, there was DOA: Dead or Alive but that one at least had boobs, fun action scenes and most of all, did not take itself too seriously. Tekken was just plain rubbish.
I've seen a lot of bad movies... My Boss's Daughter is the only movie I've ever walked of in the theater.
Melancholia, though it had some beautiful shots the film as a whole was irritatingly awful. I was glad when the world finally ended.
Highlander 2 mostly the edit they made for the original English release VHS......What a let down man!
The Village (Nothing happened)
The Ruins (When you find out what is actually killing them, you realize you wasted an hour of your life already)
Snakes on a Plane (I guess Snakes on a Train is even worse)
Piranha (unless you are a 13 year old boy, then it is probably the best movie ever since it is pretty much just boobs the whole time, they don't even resolve anything)
Human Centipede (self explanatory)
Pootie Tang (uhh... no, just no)
My friends and I used to watch crappy ScyFy/B-movies and riff on them for fun, so I've seen plenty of bad movies, usually funny-bad; however, there's one even we couldn't sit through:
MEGASHARK vs GIANT OCTOPUS. This movie...let's just say it's the fucking worst.
I'd have to say "Yor: The Hunter From the Future". I think I was 10 at the time. I still remember the utter crappiness of it all :).
By the way, has anyone mentioned Uwe Bowle? I haven't seen anything by him but I hear his movies are total crap.
Bah! Lightweights, the lot of ye!
Worst, not surprisingly came from when I went through a phase of deliberately seeking out gonzo obscure films. A beyond amateuristic film called "Killers in the Woods."
I'll let an old fellow obscure film affecionado comber sum it up.
So Sariah, my five-year-old, decided to put on a puppet show. She got behind the couch with eight-year-old Jason and two-year-old Emma and a collection of puppets and stuffed animals out of the toybox. There was a quick discussion as she outlined her plot idea to Jason, and then up came the puppets. There was a crazy-eyed cow whose mother, a pig (Piglet, in fact), told her every day to be nice to people she met. Then she'd go out, meet some other puppet or animal, and eat it. She'd go home and her mother would gently scold her. And from time to time Jason would stick up a rubber carnotaur puppet from a Dinosaur Happy Meal and announce, "She's getting fat!" And Sariah would stand up and say, "That's not part of the story." And there was much giggling both behind the couch and in front of it, where Michele and I were sitting.
I tell that story here for two reasons:
1) The production values and storytelling skill displayed from behind our couch dwarfed those present in Killers in the Woods.
2) I would rather be telling you about almost anything other than how badly Killers in the Woods sucked. There is a permanent warp in the fabric of spacetime centered on my DVD player, thanks to the naked singularity of suckage contained on this one innocuous-looking DVD-R.
It could be worse, though. Instead of telling you about it, I could be watching it again. I put myself to sleep last night counting all of the things I'd rather do than watch Killers in the Woods a second time. The list included "watching an octogenarian nun stripper" and "eating a raw kitten." And while I entertain the notion that watching an octogenarian nun stripper while eating a raw kitten might conceivably be worse than Killers in the Woods, the point is far from proven.
You may think I'm being mean. You're wrong. Frankly, I don't know if I could be mean to this movie. I'm not at all confident that words could be strung together in any way which might present this movie as being worse than it is. Even referring to it by convention as a "movie" is an undeserved compliment; at best, what occurs between the fragmentary opening and closing credits qualifies as "footage." At worst, it's such a violation of all social and artistic standards that no amount of money could bribe even Kofi Annan to look the other way.
And I can lambaste and denigrate this "feature" with a clear conscience. Because when Nick Yale, the producer (and director, I can only surmise from the vague credits) contacted me repeatedly and offered me a screener, I took a look at the website, where the main appeal of the movie was proudly shown to be "Killers! In the woods! There's women! And they get killed! In the woods! Buy it today!" I told him, You don't want to send this to me. Everything I see about this movie leads me to believe I will hate it passionately. Please don't make me prove it. But he insisted, whether out of the stunning delusion that there's an iota of entertainment to be had on the once-pristine DVD-R he ruined to send to me, or perhaps because he hates me. Yes, I have to believe that's it. Somehow, somewhere, without meaning to, I have done something which engendered the fury and loathing of Nick Yale, and the most fitting form of revenge he could design was to put together this horrendous misuse of the very concept of cinema, laying his every last shred of self-respect (as well as that of everyone he knew, all dozen or so of them) on the altar of his hatred.
Eventually I'll have to stop dealing with ancillary matters and describe the movie to some degree, won't I? Very well. Although there's really damnably little to tell. I've complained before about movies being light on plot, but this one is absolutely plot-free. It's more like a single scene or scenario playing out repeatedly, with minor variations.
To wit: Our, um, protagonist (I'm guessing Phil Heath) accosts a woman. It could be in her back yard, or on her doorstep, but most likely it's (duh) in the woods. He incapacitates her by strangling her or beating her. There's a long, lingering shot as she lies unconscious. Then he kills her. Another long, lingering shot, perhaps with some slight convulsions. Repeat ad nauseum.
You may think I'm glossing over the plot, but really, that's all there is. In between these scenes, we've got snippets of footage of our killer sitting on a couch, talking directly into the camera. No, there's no character development or larger context here; he just adlibs stuff about how much be enjoys killing women. He looks like a balding Lou Costello. Perhaps for some viewers that makes the character seem more disturbing, an average joe like people living on your own block who might harbor dark fantasies of mass murder. However, with characterization being at such a low ebb, I can't separate the character from the eager performer, and thus I can only see him... as sad. Sad, pitiful, small-souled, believing that poorly-shot scenes of women being unimaginatively killed are worth the time he spent making it, or the time I spent watching it.
And they are poorly-shot scenes, too; I'm not just decrying the lack of anything resembling a narrative. It's a consumer-grade digital camcorder, pointed vaguely in the direction of the ad-libbed action, and edited using every preset transition effect in the desktop editing suite. I would be embarrassed if the high school special needs class couldn't produce something more professional with the resources at hand.
If I were a drinking man, I could at least have found solace in a simple drinking game: Every time our starring killer knocks or strangles or drugs a woman unconscious, then immediately starts nudging her and patting her cheeks and telling her to wake up, take a drink. I could have been besotted and oblivious by the hour mark. But no, I experienced the whole thing stone-cold sober.
The music? Ooh, I get to play good news/bad news here. The good news is that the music is better than the single-note Casio soundtracks that some micro-budget features make do with. The bad news (and, dependably, the bad far outweighs the good) is that the musical selections seem to have been chosen at random, without any regard to mood or atmosphere or tempo. We're as likely as not to see a killing set to a tune more appropriate for recounting the community calendar on the lunchtime news broadcast. Once or twice, I almost suspected that there was some kind of wit at work here, as the music was too ridiculous to be anything more than a joke, but then I reconsidered; every other aspect of the whole was done without any apparent awareness of just how crappy it was, so in context, there's no reason to even entertain the possibility of wit at work.
And literally, that's the whole movie. Woman after woman (with the same actresses being used up to three or four times) expiring at length at the hands of Phil Heath, or in a rare occurrence, an associate who's got just as much screen charisma. There's a bizarre interlude in the middle which looks like it was shot fifteen years ago (using then-current video technology); it differs from the rest rather drastically in that it centers on what seems to be a crazy 'Nam vet, and is set in a city instead of the woods. But guess what? It's women getting killed. I'm guessing that it was scavenged footage from an earlier, never-completed project. Because what this film really needed was more padding to keep those closing credits from getting any closer.
It's possible at this point that some of you are shaking your heads and saying, "Nathan, you just don't get it. This is a fetish flick. It's not about story or plot or character, it's about disturbed dickwads getting off on the violent fantasies that make up for their personal and phallic shortcomings." And yes, I do recognize that this falls into the category of a fetish video. But here's the thing: Even by the standards that would appeal to those developmentally-challenged bottom feeders, it still doesn't succeed. The violence is laughably staged; I've seen more believable death scenes in elementary school plays. Any sick perv hoping to get his rocks off watching Sweet Young Things meet their demise here would come away with a sinking feeling in his stomach, wondering, "Whoa - am I really such a sorry excuse for a human being?" There isn't a single possible audience segment which could appreciate this flick, with the possible exception of drooling cretins who consistently lose tic-tac-toe games to paramecia.
In case I've left you wondering, "How does Killers in the Woods compare to other movies Nathan's hated?" let me state in no uncertain terms: To my knowledge, this is the worst piece of banal flotsam masquerading as a motion picture which has ever been inflicted by one putative human being upon his fellow man. Compared to this, the most self-indulgent excesses of French cinema like I Stand Alone (1998) are the pinnacle of the art and craft. Unnaturally Born Killer (1996) comes off like Citizen freaking Kane. My imagination recoils from even considering the possibility that a worse misuse of the medium of cinema could exist.
The dragon ball movie was excruciatingly bad. I don't know how that ever got off the ground let alone approved for theaters.