Introducing your significant other to family

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Getting introduced to families usually just.. happens, at least for me. It hasn't gone wrong any of the times for me, and that's kind of weird considering how psychotic everyone in at least one family was.

Zachary Amaranth:

Rose and Thorn:
You could just...you know...not do it?

Really not an option with a lot of families.

On the plus side, my family loves my girlfriend. I think they love my girlfriend more than me. In fact, if we break up, I think I have to be the one to move out of the state.

Now her family, on the other hand....

Her mother at the very least decided she hated me before she knew anything about me. But again, not an option to avoid meeting them.

So I'll just be thankful they don't have any working firearms....

Well atleast meeting my family isn't mandatory. The family that I do have could care less about who I am seeing. You are right though, so many people seem to want their significant other to meet the family, and do the dinner. Basicly what I truly meant in my post was, my last relationship I TRIED to get involved with my lovers family and it didn't work out very well, so next time I am just going to meet them as much as I HAVE to, but no more than that. Guess bitter taste has been left in mouth.

I've met all of mine and they've all been lovely to me.

Apparently my first proper boyfriends mum hated me behind my back (calling me a bitch, whore, gold-digging tart who just wanted to get pregnant to trick her son into staying with me. I was 15 at the time.)
Only two have met my whole family... They're a bit... rough. They really show me up sometimes too.
Mum and stepdad are usually okay with boyfriends, but I'd have to wait at least a year to introduce them to the extended family.

I usually just bring them either home or to a family meal or something like that. No fuss needed, just a simple introduction and that's that. That goes for both the guys and girls I've dated, though I do have a pretty open-minded family, so for others it may be more of a big deal. At the end of the day, your family probably just want to see you happy, so why would they jeopardise your first relationship???

The_Echo:
I'm an incredibly casual guy, so making a big deal out of meeting the family is just sort of... unnecessary stress, I think.

Agreed. It's as simple as "Hi, I'm Y, nice to meet you". There doesn't have to be any major formalities, no awkward situations; just say hi, wait for them to ask about you and talk about yourself in a sentence or two. Ask about them, then your first meeting of the parents is over. Job well done.

My current girlfriend who I live with now, her family blames me for EVERYTHING! Also they are Asian. Her dad bad talks white people and is currently trying to bribe her to break up with me, by saying he will pay off all her debt if she does and moves to Cali with him. Her brother is cool and one of the best pianist I've met(the girlfriend and her brother are piano majors). And the little sister is extremely suicidal. So yeah, probably best to not have met her family.

The way it went with me & my boyfriend was that they were tossing out my stuff (after they tossed me out), so I had him come with me so that I could salvage some clothes and a few other things. Let's just say that it didn't go well.

The only other time the boyfriend has seen my family was at a funeral, and that ended up even worse.

VeryOddGamer:

TizzytheTormentor:
The mother hated my guts, probably because she is VERY religious and when I was introduced, she put holy water on me (she has a fountain of it in her hallway) and I grabbed my fave screaming "IT BURNS" My cousin (who was present with us at the time) and my girlfriend laughed, the mom was...not amused.

HOLY WATER? Who the hell pours holy water on people they meet?

OT: Can't really say anything, I've never been in a romantic relationship.

Well when you've got the fountain, you kind of have to justify the expense :P

I'm in a same sex relationship with a drinking, smoking, trans person, and I introduced them to my family at my dads Mormon wedding. :D

SckizoBoy:
I'm probably not a good 'template' to go by, for the most part. Never introduced anyone to the folks, but I've been introduced once. First relationship, everyone knew everyone anyway, so there was no need to introduce, and third didn't last long enough to reach that point. Second though... ah...

Her: "Um... Mom, Dad... this is AJ."

She's basically crushing my hand as she says this. Her mother then proceeds to sit down and struggle not to cry, while her father just nods to me, leaves and doesn't come back. Meeting her brother was strange as well, as he took me aside and said he'd help if I needed him to. I got what he meant so it didn't actually strike me as weird until I broke up with her and remembered that...

You've piqued my interest. Would you care to elaborate as to why she chose such a melodramatic response?

KaosuHamoni:
You've piqued my interest. Would you care to elaborate as to why she chose such a melodramatic response?

Like the guy who posted after me, my ex was/is (not sure, voluntary cessation of contact) a manic depressive, so virtually everyone had to walk on egg-shells around her (hell, we met at therapy). Consequently, she had relatively few friends, and for her to turn up with a boyfriend... her mom was happy beyond belief, her dad was just relieved and her brother wanted to be supportive. For all the six years that it lasted... *sigh*

darlarosa:
So how does it usually go for you guys? Tips or advice? Funny, wonderful, or horrendous stories?

Well, it helps if you tell your family a little about your sig other first - by phone or whatever if you don't live nearby. Let them know what to expect to avid awkwardness later. Likewise, inform your sig other of what to expect from your family.

Or you can do what I did when I came out as bisexual to my father - show up at the door with your new girlfriend.

darlarosa:
So I am wondering how people introduce their family to their significant other. I have never had a true blue relationship worth even mentioning to my family, and currently there is someone who is a prospect...and this popped in my mind

So how does it usually go for you guys? Tips or advice? Funny, wonderful, or horrendous stories?

Um... unsure if by "Significant Other" you are mentioning someone the same sex as you? Normally I only here "This is my Husband/Wife/Fiance'/Boyfriend/Girlfriend". Even if they were the same sex.

Anyways, quick and easy. Talk to your family beforehand, have them meet you half-way spend a day with them and leave. Do that once every few years and you (should?) be fine.

TizzytheTormentor:
My family already knew my ex-girlfriend before we started dating, so it wasn't awkward in any way.

My ex-girlfriends mother and father? The mother hated my guts, probably because she is VERY religious and when I was introduced, she put holy water on me (she has a fountain of it in her hallway) and I grabbed my face screaming "IT BURNS" My cousin (who was present with us at the time) and my girlfriend laughed, the mom was...not amused.

The dad, who is also heavily religious, was not there when that...scene occurred, but he was alright, he didn't approve of his daughter dating, but knew it was something teens do, he didn't like how I was an atheist but ultimately respected my right to not believe in god, so he tolerated me and was an okay chap, he did tell me that if I ever slept with his daughter before marriage, he would end me and I believed him, he was an intimidating dude as well. Me and my ex did have sex and I don't think he ever knew about it, considering I am not 6 feet under right now.

Ugh. That infuriates me when I hear stuff like that. There's no need for threats. I grew up learning never to threaten someone unless you have every intention of following up so I take all threats in that way.

I dated a girl once who's dad did the "shotgun" routine in that he set it out in front of us with some shells next to it. We had our conversation and as we were leaving, I told him if I ever saw that gun out like that again, he had better be ready to use it because the trigger was getting pulled one way or the other. Never saw it out of the cabinet again.

Quaxar:
Do it in the form of a Cluedo game. You know, smuggle her head in with the suspects and then ask "Is the suspect in a relationship with me?"
When they say "um... no", you remove her picture. That should give them a good clue.

All of life's problems can in the end be solved with a board game.

But what if the boardgame is LIFE D:??

manic_depressive13:
I live in my mother's house so it was kind of inevitable that my boyfriend would meet her. It was just a quick introduction before we bailed. I don't like my family, nor do I care about their opinion of the people I associate with. My mother is the last person from whom I would accept a value judgement, what with the scum she brought into the house. My father is also an ass and I'd like to spare my boyfriend the misfortune of meeting him, which shouldn't be hard since I see him maybe twice a year.

I've never met my boyfriend's family and don't really care to. He doesn't get along with them either. I gravitate towards people with shitty family lives since I can't relate to people who get along with their parents. In fact I tend to resent them.

That is unfortunate, but understandable. What is it that makes you resent people with healthy familial relationships?

Tanis:
Depends on how your family feels about who you're dating.

But don't they have to meet him first? Generally if I told my family anything about my prospective they would probably shit themselves...then fling it at me... They won't care that he's white its the...age difference and the class difference and the future life/career prospects...and that shit that scares me

darlarosa:

Quaxar:
Do it in the form of a Cluedo game. You know, smuggle her head in with the suspects and then ask "Is the suspect in a relationship with me?"
When they say "um... no", you remove her picture. That should give them a good clue.

All of life's problems can in the end be solved with a board game.

But what if the boardgame is LIFE D:??

You play together and share a car so everyone knows what's up.
But I'd much rather go with the Cluedo approach, that game doesn't suck as badly. Or Mouse Trap, although I am not quite sure how you would incorporate a girlfriend-introduction there.

Quaxar:

darlarosa:

Quaxar:
Do it in the form of a Cluedo game. You know, smuggle her head in with the suspects and then ask "Is the suspect in a relationship with me?"
When they say "um... no", you remove her picture. That should give them a good clue.

All of life's problems can in the end be solved with a board game.

But what if the boardgame is LIFE D:??

You play together and share a car so everyone knows what's up.
But I'd much rather go with the Cluedo approach, that game doesn't suck as badly. Or Mouse Trap, although I am not quite sure how you would incorporate a girlfriend-introduction there.

"Guess what's being trapped....IT'S NOT THE MOUSE :D!!!!!!!" I guess?

Capitano Segnaposto:
[
Um... unsure if by "Significant Other" you are mentioning someone the same sex as you? Normally I only here "This is my Husband/Wife/Fiance'/Boyfriend/Girlfriend". Even if they were the same sex.

Anyways, quick and easy. Talk to your family beforehand, have them meet you half-way spend a day with them and leave. Do that once every few years and you (should?) be fine.

No I'm heteroromantic, so it's a guy. It's just little differences race, age, class, and this feeling my parents will say I could do better...plus he's an awkward guy

I feel like even half a day would be too much time with him and them together which is the problem...x.x

darlarosa:

Quaxar:

darlarosa:
But what if the boardgame is LIFE D:??

You play together and share a car so everyone knows what's up.
But I'd much rather go with the Cluedo approach, that game doesn't suck as badly. Or Mouse Trap, although I am not quite sure how you would incorporate a girlfriend-introduction there.

"Guess what's being trapped....IT'S NOT THE MOUSE :D!!!!!!!" I guess?

Capitano Segnaposto:
[
Um... unsure if by "Significant Other" you are mentioning someone the same sex as you? Normally I only here "This is my Husband/Wife/Fiance'/Boyfriend/Girlfriend". Even if they were the same sex.

Anyways, quick and easy. Talk to your family beforehand, have them meet you half-way spend a day with them and leave. Do that once every few years and you (should?) be fine.

No I'm heteroromantic, so it's a guy. It's just little differences race, age, class, and this feeling my parents will say I could do better...plus he's an awkward guy

I feel like even half a day would be too much time with him and them together which is the problem...x.x

Well if you really care for him, who cares what your parents think? These are your life choices, not theirs.

Try this then: Set up a dinner date or lunch date out somewhere with your family, talk a bit, eat, leave. You shouldn't spend more than two hours with them at that point! Simple, quick, easy, might just be a tad bit expensive.

Rose and Thorn:
You could just...you know...not do it?

Got it in one. My parents are racist, homophobic nutbags. I visit my mother once or twice a year and only contact my father via e-mail, so I don't see any reason for anyone I'd be dating to meet them. Never talked much to the rest of my family, on account of being raised on an entirely different continent an ocean and 11-hour flight away.

As for meeting the family of anyone I might end up dating, I'd leave that up to them. Don't really feel the need to meet them since family has never been important to me. Still, I generally get along well with people and if I can't stand them, for whatever reason, I'll be honest about it to my partner and we'll just have to deal with that.

EDIT: Oh, yeah. My mom once found out about a girl my older brother was dating. She wouldn't stop harassing him about every little detail regarding her entire family and life history and then insisted on meeting her in a 6-hour "dinner party" (my brother used the word "interrogation" to describe it). He actually told me once:"If you ever have a relationship, don't let mom find out about it. She'll ruin it." So there's that too.

Rose and Thorn:
Guess bitter taste has been left in mouth.

Can't say as I blame you. I've been treated like some sort of monster from the get-go several times. It's really lost its appeal for me. Unfortunately, it always seems to be a faire devoir (side note: accidentally typed 'devour,' which probably counts as a Freudian slip) for me.

Gah.

With my family, the first girl I brought home was so terrible that I bet I could bring anyone this side of Hitler home to them, and they'd give me credit for at least setting my goals higher. XD

I will admit that there was probably only one girl back in high school that I would have been happy to introduce to my family. We were not officially dating, however, but that didn't stop them from meeting her and acting as if we were.

Thanks large Mexican family. Thanks a bunch.

Seriously, I would not be so quick as to present a girl that I am dating to my ENTIRE family (as it is tradition). I would probably only mention her to my family, if they ask, and maybe bring her around my immediate family from time to time over the course of a year and then, present her to the rest of the family.

Family can make things "awkward" in a new relationship. Especially one like mine.

Yikes... I've read every single one of these posts so far and nearly all of them are depressingly-negative. I can't say I'd be able to relate to most of you. I haven't had to be put through all this soul-crushing crap like the majority of you have found yourselves in. I haven't had to deal with this type of situation so far, but dang... Several of you have had to fight for your last breath in these situations in ways I'd never truly know. Plenty of people would actually kill themselves over far lesser things. You all are still here. The lot of you are strong. Don't forget that.

"Hey mum, I'm coming over for a visit this weekend/whatever."
-"Hello son! That's nice! Anything you'd like to have for dinner when you're here?"
"Well, I would love some of your delicious roast honey-chicken, but <girlfriend's name> would like to tag along as well, and she's a vegetarian."
-"Oh, that's nice! Well, I'll make sure we'll have some nice vegetarian snacks and dinner. What does she like to drink? Wine, beer or something else?"
"I think she's okay with anything, really."
-"Okay, good to hear. Are you taking public transport to <village>, or do we have to pick you up from the bus terminal in <regional town>?"
"She has an exam in the morning, so the buses won't be active when we get to <regional town>, so a pick-up would be nice!"
-"Okay! We're looking forward to meeting <girlfriend>. See you then! Love and kisses from your father and me!"
"Bye, mom!"

Like this, basically. But my parents are great.

you know what i just realized...... i have never done this. i have been introduced to her family. but they always just.....bump in to mine while i am not around. in the supermarket, on town, or something like that. and they get to know eachother there before i even get a chance to introduce them.

I had a hell of a time introducing my now wife to my Mom. To start off, we met online, and after a few weeks of talking, we decided to meet up. That went fantastically. Meanwhile things at home were getting tense with mom, and after about two months of dating, she and I decided I should move in with her, about an hour and a half away from Mom. Mom promptly had a worry shit-fit. After we got married, it took way too long to get the two to meet. My wife thought Mom was an overly controlling bitch with a self-righteousness complex, and Mom probably thought I'd married a crazy chick. But when they did meet, it was civil enough, but the fact that it was such a trial to meet caused a bit of a rift between my wife and mother. They've gotten better over time though, so there's hope that one day they'll really get along instead of a mutual...slightly better than tolerance.
Dad was a different story. We didn't meet with him until a good while after being married, and we invited him out to dinner. He accepted, came along, and met the wife, me, and her family. That went just fine.
Honestly, if you're an adult, things should be just fine as long as people in your family are somewhat normal. Even if they don't like it, you're a grown up, dammit! You can make your own decisions!

Just introduced my SO to my sisters. They fucking loved her. I guess that is not particularly funny. Same when I met her parents/sister/brother, I was well liked. No funny stories there.

I once introduced an ex by the name of the girlfriend I had before her. Much hilarity was had and I was forgiven rather quickly (We had been together about a week at that point which means I had broken up with the other one less then a week previously. Man, that was a whirlwind romance. Almost married the second one.) Other then that?

Those are the two people I have introduced to my family.

Advice for people wondering if the time is right: No time like the present. Currently dealing with the fact my dad will die without meeting my SO (He is overseas and very, VERY sick) and that really does eat me up. At some point my SO will meet my mum, chances are it will be around the time when she returns to Blighty with his ashes (That will be fun). And then we will be finished up, I will have met her immediate family, she will have met my immediate family, I don't give a rats ass for my extended family and I don't know if she wants me to meet her extended family.

Heh, She is more scared of me meeting her friend then her family! (We are at Uni together, away from respective hometowns). That's something for this coming summer/Christmas.

EDIT: Also, went through a dreaded "Meal in a restaurant for the first time meet with her parents" with my current SO.

This is how it went down.

We walked around town wondering where to eat whilst chatting amiably, then (Thanks to a weak joke that got out of hand and me having to explain myself) I promptly had the piss taken out of me due to my lactose intolerance. We then ate a meal and talked about random crap. It was perfectly nice. They then drove is back up to Campus. The only thing that was weird?

Her parents met at the University we are currently attending and her dad is similar to my SO in that he had never dated anyone prior to meeting her mum. Some weak jokes were told. My brain found it a little weird.

EDIT:

Capitano Segnaposto:

darlarosa:
So I am wondering how people introduce their family to their significant other. I have never had a true blue relationship worth even mentioning to my family, and currently there is someone who is a prospect...and this popped in my mind

So how does it usually go for you guys? Tips or advice? Funny, wonderful, or horrendous stories?

Um... unsure if by "Significant Other" you are mentioning someone the same sex as you? Normally I only here "This is my Husband/Wife/Fiance'/Boyfriend/Girlfriend". Even if they were the same sex.

You have never heard the term "Significant Other" used to describe someones partner?

O.o

Its a brilliant term. Cause it can mean any of the above. And its pretty good when you are transitioning around "Girlfriend/Partner" and don't want to use either of the above. Or if you are wanting to be gender neutral. Or you just don't think the sex of your partner really matters. Or things are a little bit cloudy.

Man, I am just confused you hadn't heard the term.

*looks at time* Fuck. 1:43. I have lectures tomorrow. Night escapist.

Never really been in a situation that applied.

Though I have a tendency to leave good impressions with parents in general. "You're certainly sharp/You're a handsome lad/My daughter would love you" are all things I've heard before.

Amethyst Wind:

VeryOddGamer:

TizzytheTormentor:
The mother hated my guts, probably because she is VERY religious and when I was introduced, she put holy water on me (she has a fountain of it in her hallway) and I grabbed my fave screaming "IT BURNS" My cousin (who was present with us at the time) and my girlfriend laughed, the mom was...not amused.

HOLY WATER? Who the hell pours holy water on people they meet?

OT: Can't really say anything, I've never been in a romantic relationship.

Utah dwellers.

I've done it a few times with some girls I dated while younger. Didn't really turn into a thing. It was just a quick "nice to meet you, I'm [X]. We'll be going now."

Wait, isn't holy water a catholic thing? As someone from Utah I can say there are quite a few Mormons along with varied protestants and some irreligous people but not a huge amount of catholics.

Amethyst Wind:

VeryOddGamer:
HOLY WATER? Who the hell pours holy water on people they meet?

OT: Can't really say anything, I've never been in a romantic relationship.

Utah dwellers.

No shit? Were they Mormon, or...?

OT: I recommend walking up to your family/family member, saying "So and so, this is my (insert family member), (insert family member) this is so and so."

Unless your family is absolutely devoid of social guidance, then things should go smoothly. It's your date introducing you to their family that you need to worry about.

Being gay, it was suffice to say; awkward.

when my boyfriend introduced me to his mum it was like having a second son to her. (his dad though, a bit of a stiff)

The worst part is when he goes into the defence force later this year we'll probably break up. Now things have been VERY rocky lately, but the awkward part is we kinda live together.

So it'll be ...interesting to see how it goes.

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