whats your oposite gender friend situation?
I have no sexual attraction to my freind/s
27.1% (203)
27.1% (203)
I have some attraction but no desire to act
33.5% (251)
33.5% (251)
..I wouldnt mind..if the situation came up
25.5% (191)
25.5% (191)
I am freindzoned :'(
5.1% (38)
5.1% (38)
I have no freinds on the oposite gender
8.8% (66)
8.8% (66)
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Poll: Men and women being freinds

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http://www.cracked.com/article_20225_6-ways-your-brain-sabotaging-your-sex-life.html

so one old issue that comes up is "men and women can't be freinds because sex" as explained in #1 on cracks article

call me niave but I figure even if there is some attraction it doesnt have to mean they can;t be friends....unless half the time its one big "freindzone" thing going on (what the hell IS the freindzone anyway?)

so I have a few questions

1. is there anyone slightly older (marrie deven) who still had freinds (and only freinds) of the oposite gender?

2. do you have freind fo the oposite gender and how do you feel?

I'm pushing 30 and am in a long term committed relationship (I want to get married, he doesn't, but I love him so I'll suck it up that old chestnut)and the vast majority of my friends are male. That would be the opposite gender. I have zero sexual attraction to any of them. I would imagine they'd be pretty relieved to hear so.

My boyfriend, well, we started out as bestest friends foreverest, but honestly, the sexual attraction was always there. He knew it, I knew it, everyone else knew it. We were both shit-scared to turn it in to anything real, because relationships are hard, we were young (we're still young, but we were young then too) and stupid (ditto) and honestly the friends thing was working fine. Until it wasn't, and now we're in love.

But I do not feel even the slightest twinge of lust for any of my male friends, or female friends for that matter. I doubt it's anything to do with being in a relationship either, because I still find random men attractive. There just isn't anything romantic or sexual between me and my friends.

Well, when I was in high school I made friends with both genders rather easily. I'd imagine I actually had slightly more friends who were girls than I did guys.

Did I ever think about them in sexual manners? Sure. But it never impacted my friendships. In fact, I missed out on starting a relationship with one girl because I decided to not make any moves, even though it was obvious that she felt the same way that I did.

Nowadays there's only really one person that I hang out with locally, everyone else I interact with is generally over the internet, so. I'm perfectly happy to make friends with anybody who wants it.

I have some female friends and it depends on stuffs

Like, some I might think of wanting to be all relation-shippy with, others not so much

It depends on the person, not the gender

i done sexual stuff with all my female "friends"

image

I'm a guy who has more girl-friends than guy-friends. I consider all the friendships I have to be satisfactory and worthwhile.

I will confess however, that over the course off every single one of these friendships I have been sexually attracted to the girl on at least one occasion. This doesn't mean I agree that as a heterosexual male any attempt at an innocent friendship with a member of the opposite sex is doomed to failure for me, however neither can I deny that The Power of Hormones is at times much stronger than The Power of Friendship.

Vault101:

1. is there anyone slightly older (marrie deven) who still had freinds (and only freinds) of the oposite gender?

I'm slightly "older" and I am married.

I do have friends of the opposite gender and no attraction whatsoever. I've known some of them for many years and have had plenty of opportunity to go further but they are my friends, I just don't go there.

Yeah, that Cracked article is pretty bad, but their scientific article they try to use to justify their claims is rubbish. Or more likely, is being used for a rubbish interpretation that the article, when read properly, probably doesn't support at all.

Being sexually attracted to a friend does not make you incapable of being friends. So the fact that men are more likely to be attracted to their friends and think their freinds are attracted to them has fuck-all to do with their ability to be friends.

I have loads of female friends. In fact, most of my friends are female. I generally don't get on with other men. I really only can be friends with men if they don't ever try to compete with me. I have no time for the games most men play with each other. But with women, I have no trouble getting along.

Some of my female friends, I would like to be more than friends, but they do not want to be and since I'm an adult I can deal with that. Some of my female friends are extremely attractive and if we were both drunk and alone I could imagine something happening, but I doubt either of us pines for the other or wants anything to happen. Some of my female friends I find attractive but don't really want a relationship with for other reasons. Some of my female friends I recognize that in an abstract sense they are incredibly attractive, but I don't feel anything and think of them more like a sister. Some of my female friends I recognize that other men might find them conventionally attractive but I don't. And some of my female friends I don't find attractive.

This is how I've related to people for years. Straight men and women can be friends.

And just to throw another wrench into the works: I generally don't find women to be attractive until I build an emotional bond with them. So I can be around really attractive women and barely register they have sex organs until we hit it off as friends, after which point I can't stop thinking about them. Apart from my first relationship (where a girl I wasn't all that into at first wouldn't take no for an answer and basically kissed me 'till I changed my mind about her), all of my dating relationships began as friendships. And these weren't "nice guy" type friendships where I was angling for something more, they were genuine friendships that unexpectedly became something more. And in one of those cases after dating and breaking up we were able to go back to being friends. Really, the only time it causes problems is when I make friends with a woman who reads too much junk-science like your Cracked article, she finds out I'm attracted to her, and then she concludes the friendship couldn't possibly have ever been genuine. Which is a frustrating turn of events, but these days my inclination is just to let them go. Anyone willing to jump to conclusions about me without bothering to find out what I really think or feel probably wasn't a very good friend for the long haul after all.

So it's my experience that straight men and women can be friends, that sex doesn't have to ruin it, and attraction doesn't have to ruin it. And when people say, "Men and women can't be friends" what they mean to say is, "I can't be friends with people of the opposite sex so I'm going to pretend it's an impossibility because otherwise I'd have to admit that other people can do something I can't!"

Vault101:
snip

Off topic: We love you Vault101. We'd love you even more if you used Spell Check.

NO! Don't hurt me!! NOT IN THE FACE!!!

*WHACK*

...s-sorry...

*spits out broken tooth*

...okay...back to the Topic...

I'm an older straight guy--I won't say how old--and yes, of course I've had plenty of female friends over the years. I've often been attracted to some of them. Most of them I wasn't attracted to, even if they were cute. Shocking, I know, but there it is.

Only once did I ever get involved (i.e. have sex) with one. That was back in college. It was a one timer. We went on being friends for years after. Grew apart; no drama.

I have also been in friendships with women who were interested in 'playing around' in general but they were always co-workers and I know better than to EVER get involved with a co-worker. That's something that falls into the category of being "A BAD IDEA".

Right now the only female friends I have are ones I work together with. I used a fake "sorta" relationship to put up a barrier between myself and two of them so as to keep them at a distance. One was no problem, but the other has acted...strangely. I think she was expecting me to make moves on her and finding out that I was "interested" in another girl (albeit fictional--but she DOESN'T need to know that) has left a 'cool air' zone between us. She'll get over it.

But her reaction is why I DON'T date where I work.

Neither should you. Trust me, unless the two of you get married the odds are good that it will come around to a bad ending for you both.

Vault101:
2. do you have freind fo the oposite gender and how do you feel?

Aww, Vault, I thought we were friends and you want to throw all that away because of sex?

OT: Yeah, I've got friends and acquaintances of the opposite sex. Aside from Vault101 there, even. The (no) sex hasn't gotten in our way so far.

Katatori-kun:
Yeah, that Cracked article is pretty bad, but their scientific article they try to use to justify their claims is rubbish. Or more likely, is being used for a rubbish interpretation that the article, when read properly, probably doesn't support at all.

the guy who wrote it does tend to take liberty with facts and overly PC bullshit (he once wrote an awful article about games which was so wrong it was downright insulting) so I do take what he says with a grain of salt

Copper Zen:

Neither should you. Trust me, unless the two of you get married the odds are good that it will come around to a bad ending for you both.

but...but the guy who sits a few desks away is into comicbooks! I mean yeah he's with somone I think but that doesnt mean I cant follow him home and-

hmm yeah you may be right

DoPo:

Aww, Vault, I thought we were friends and you want to throw all that away because of sex?

no...because of science *sniff*

I am a guy and by far the majority of my friends are women and I say men and women can be friends. I cant say that I have ever really been sexually attracted to any of them with one exception but she doesn't count because we used to date in highschool.

Vault101:
hmm yeah you may be right

DoPo:

Aww, Vault, I thought we were friends and you want to throw all that away because of sex?

no...because of science *sniff*

Well...OK, for science, I can understand *takes clothes off* but you bring the rubber duck, ketchup and balloons.

DoPo:
Well...OK, for science, I can understand *takes clothes off* but you bring the rubber duck, ketchup and balloons.

will penut butter do? I dont like "ketchup" (tomato sauce) and dont have any around the house...

I don't currently have any female friends I want to bone (besides my significant other of course), but I have in the past. Honestly, as long as you don't let it become an issue it never will. People can't help who they want to bump uglies with. Just don't let it influence your interaction with them and you'll be fine.

As someone who finds both genders attractive (more or less), under your corollary I would be unable to have friends. Much to everyone's surprise, my best friend is gay and we have no attraction for each other, since we've known each other since elementary school. I also consider my straight male friends as disgusting, sex-wise (because that's their attitude towards same-sex relationships, so I mirror it back at them). I've got some uncomfortable moments with my female friends, which I've managed to shut down before they turned into actual asking me out or anything of the sort. The only time where I had a friend I was attracted to, I told him, we shrugged it off and carried on. I easily got over it, as I realised we weren't compatible. The reason I had an attraction for him was because of the illusion of what a great couple we'd made. Once that was dispelled, the attraction was gone.

I had more guy friends than anything else and I tend to get along with them better, but now that ratio has evened itself out.

I did have a few guy friends over the years that was attracted to, but I did nothing about it since I'm shy as hell and I was scared to look like an idiot. So I just ended up keeping it to myself.

I don't want that to get in the way if we're already good friends and let that either ruin the friendship or make it awkward every time we hang out. I read that article too earlier today and I think that guy was full of shit since guys and girls can be friends without the whole sex thing get in the way.

As someone who have more female friends than male friends, and one of the closest one is female, I can safely say that I believe true friendship can exist with both.

And beside when I was a teen, I don't have sexual desire for my friends. I like to joke about that, but honestly if one friend asked me do it, I would take it very awkwardly and deny the offer as friendship can be hard to maintain, even more so when sex is involved.
I fantasize with maybe one or two but I don't think I'll ever go out of my way to try to flirt with them.

If it's a cute friend of a friend well, maybe I'll try to flirt with them ;) Maybe haha

I have more female friends than male, by a good long shot, and I feel no burning need to copulate with any of them. Indeed a good number of them are ex-girlfriends, and it's really not a big deal. Is there occasionally a spark or remnant of that physical attraction, or some flirtation? Certainly. But we're all in relationships now and it's not like we'd ever act on it. We're not bonobos, for heavens sake, we can keep our hormones in check.

Why don't we ask the public?

Seems like a pretty tight case.

You know, the definition of friend doesn't specify the gender? That'll be my take on the issue. It doesn't matter at all unless you have some issue with it. I've had female friends and they were just that: friends. I fail to see why this is an issue, someone enlighten me.

DevilWithaHalo:
Why don't we ask the public?
Seems like a pretty tight case.

Ive seen those vidoes

not sure I'd call it rock solid proof

DevilWithaHalo:
Seems like a pretty tight case.

Does it? It doesn't sound that way to me. Some beardy twat in the university library fooling dumb undergrads with misleading questions doesn't really make the case.

Katatori-kun:

Does it? It doesn't sound that way to me. Some beardy twat in the university library fooling dumb undergrads with misleading questions doesn't really make the case.

not to mention he could have edited it to skew the results (more men saying no, women saying yes) for...I dont know...reasons

If people aren't attracted to each other yep, they can be friends I don't see it not happening, I have plenty of female friends with no lustful feelings towards.

Katatori-kun:
Some beardy twat in the university library fooling dumb undergrads with misleading questions doesn't really make the case.

Indeed, he truly mislead them with questions like; "do you believe men and women can be just friends?" and; "do you think he likes you?" He surely manipulated these foolish undergrads into admitting their friendships may be based on not purely platonic reasons with his trick questions and sneaky underhanded tactics! And of course...

Vault101:
not to mention he could have edited it to skew the results (more men saying no, women saying yes) for...I dont know...reasons

...intentionally misrepresented his findings for nefarious purposes! We must explore all possibilities, for there's no possibly way this is an accurate respresentation of what the general population feels...

...I decided to spare you a brief list of supporting research and simply suggest that perhaps the existance of this thread and those like it (of which there are many) is probably evidence that there is a certain level of confusion regarding friendships with the opposite sex and our social and individual perceptions to the concept.

Vault101:
http://www.cracked.com/article_20225_6-ways-your-brain-sabotaging-your-sex-life.html

so one old issue that comes up is "men and women can't be freinds because sex" as explained in #1 on cracks article

call me niave but I figure even if there is some attraction it doesnt have to mean they can;t be friends....unless half the time its one big "freindzone" thing going on (what the hell IS the freindzone anyway?)

so I have a few questions

1. is there anyone slightly older (marrie deven) who still had freinds (and only freinds) of the oposite gender?

2. do you have freind fo the oposite gender and how do you feel?

I can't actually answer with any of those poll answers Vault.

30 year old guy, straight, have had and do have many female friends. Over the years there have been some that i develop a sexual attraction or more than platonic mental attachment to, and some that i haven't.

As with all women i meet really.

So i don't think any of the poll answers accurately represent me i'm afraid. But yes, it is most definitely possible to maintain a close friendship with a member of the opposite sex / sex you are usually attracted to. My ex-fiancee didn't understand, or believe that, and is the #1 reason (of many mind you) that she never became my wife.

At the age of 20, all but 1 of my friends are female.

Vault101:
http://www.cracked.com/article_20225_6-ways-your-brain-sabotaging-your-sex-life.html

so one old issue that comes up is "men and women can't be freinds because sex" as explained in #1 on cracks article

call me niave but I figure even if there is some attraction it doesnt have to mean they can;t be friends....unless half the time its one big "freindzone" thing going on (what the hell IS the freindzone anyway?)

so I have a few questions

1. is there anyone slightly older (marrie deven) who still had freinds (and only freinds) of the oposite gender?

2. do you have freind fo the oposite gender and how do you feel?

I feel the same way, although it tends to get very dishonest and unfriendly a lot of the time if someone chases a sexual relationship.

I feel like the best way to be good and honest friends with the opposite gender is to engage in sexual activities with them. It sweeps sex off the table and allows for honest friendships. It releases the sexual tension any of you are feeling.

But then again, my views are skewed a bit, since I have never (with the exception of one semester in Uni) gone to a school with a girl to guy ratio less than 5:1.

And the friendzone is when a woman keeps a guy as a friend, giving him the hope of a prospective relationship, but keeping him around just for the attention.

DevilWithaHalo:
[snip.

my point is I hardly find one video where a guy runs around a campus asking questions "proof" and I'm not saying the guy who made the video DID skew things to a certain veiwpoint, I'm saying he very easyly could have...if somthing is to be taken as reliable proof then such variables should be considerd

studies or not I find the very Idea that men and women cant be freinds at all...baffling really

perhaps the existance of this thread and those like it (of which there are many) is probably evidence that there is a certain level of confusion regarding friendships with the opposite sex and our social and individual perceptions to the concept

what the hell does that even mean? if we are freinds with the oposite gender its actually....not true? or somthing?

AstroSmash:

I feel like the best way to be good and honest friends with the opposite gender is to engage in sexual activities with them. It sweeps sex off the table and allows for honest friendships. It releases the sexual tension any of you are feeling.
.

...uhhh...WHAT? Ijust.....what??!

yeah..that is pretty skewed, can't speak from expereince but sex seems to complicate things more..you know the old thing where they say a "casual" relationship is hard...but then who knows

And the friendzone is when a woman keeps a guy as a friend, giving him the hope of a prospective relationship, but keeping him around just for the attention.

mabye some women do that but....nah I still dont get it

unless she's said "mabye....I dont want to rush things" <-or somthing to that then honestly she's just freinds with the guy, and mabye its all in his head?

Okay, let me just tell you this:

Men and women CAN be friends, but often one of them will feel an attraction.

If one of them feels an attraction, you CAN stay friends, but that's just shameful. Don't do that if you want to maintain a feeling of selfworth, granted you know the other person isn't into you.

SimpleThunda':
Okay, let me just tell you this:

Men and women CAN be friends, but often one of them will feel an attraction.

If one of them feels an attraction, you CAN stay friends, but that's just shameful. Don't do that if you want to maintain a feeling of selfworth, granted you know the other person isn't into you.

but then to what extent?

"an attraction" can just mean "yeah...I'd do that" and not nessicaryly "I wuf you 4 eva and eva and want to marry and live in castle protected by magical unicorns"

That was a pretty BS interpretation of that scientific paper. Just had to get that out of the way...

Anyway, yes, men and women can be friends. I don't see how they can't. To suggest otherwise is pretty damn insulting. :\

Vault101:

SimpleThunda':
Okay, let me just tell you this:

Men and women CAN be friends, but often one of them will feel an attraction.

If one of them feels an attraction, you CAN stay friends, but that's just shameful. Don't do that if you want to maintain a feeling of selfworth, granted you know the other person isn't into you.

but then to what extent?

"an attraction" can just mean "yeah...I'd do that" and not nessicaryly "I wuf you 4 eva and eva and want to marry and live in castle protected by magical unicorns"

A neutral "I'd do that" as in, I couldn't care less if it didn't happen is borderline acceptable. Anything more than that isn't, in my book. But to each his own.

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