whats your oposite gender friend situation?
I have no sexual attraction to my freind/s
27% (202)
27% (202)
I have some attraction but no desire to act
33.4% (250)
33.4% (250)
..I wouldnt mind..if the situation came up
25.5% (191)
25.5% (191)
I am freindzoned :'(
5.1% (38)
5.1% (38)
I have no freinds on the oposite gender
8.8% (66)
8.8% (66)
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Poll: Men and women being freinds

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I onlyend up dating friends because I know them pretty well and don't have to do any awkward cold pickups.
Most of my friends are female and I would date and have sex with most of them if I was looking for a relationship.

There's no "I don't have friends at all" option, which I need.

Well one of my closest friends is the oppersite sex to me. Ok I did feel some attraction to her especially when I had a semi sexy dream with her in it which did question myself about it (she did admit to telling me that she did had a crush on me at first).
I just came to realise that I would simply prefer to just being friends with her and not to persuit a relationship with her at all since I realise that it would never work in long terms (her personality is mostly oppersite to me and she had alot of pets which I wouldn't be about to put up with it).

About half of my friends are female, and admittedly I do have the hots for one of them, but such is young love.

As for if Males and Females can be friends, of course they can, they are both human, and they can both relate to each other as much as Male-Male or Female-Female friendships.

Those videos on the first page (These here!) actually sort of sum up why I don't think Men and Women Being Friends can work if there's attraction.

Everyone on the internet is an exception, but I will vocalize what I've found in my individual travels. When it comes to relationships of any kind (again, in my travels), women are the socially accepted driving force. If a woman liked me and I didn't like her, not only would it be acceptable for her to push her feelings but our mutual friends would get into the act. "dude, she likes you. She's hot. Just go for it." It seemingly did not matter if I returned those feelings. Once a woman greenlights it, your feelings are supposed to follow suit or something is wrong.

Similarly to if she doesn't have feelings for you. Even in a dating situation, the most that I've found is that the terminology changes and you're supposed to pick up on it and quietly nix any feelings you were developing. Over some point and time, your 'dating' becomes 'hanging out'. And if you want to ask why the switch, it's almost gauche. You should psychically understand and then have your feelings again change to follow suit.

Or if you both start out as friends and you developed feelings. Too bad. A lot of the times (not all of them because it has happened to me as well), if the woman has you as a friend, get comfortable. Exploring the other possibilities are usually not even allowed. You were brought in as a friend, and you most likely will die as a friend.

Again, these women don't encapsulate the female gender, but the women in the video are thinking about their perception, as the men are thinking about their own. If a dude's a friend in these women's minds, he's a friend. There's a reason why she didn't pick him in the first place, and that seems to be ironclad. Even in an hypothetical situation. A hypothetical situation, and an overwhelming number of women can't even foresee a possibility why it might be hard to just be friends? That's astonishing to me.

I don't like having my feelings matter that little, so if I develop feelings and I know she hasn't, I just gradually pull away from her until my feelings go away. Or if they don't, I just do not go back. Mainly because whatever made me develop feelings for her will still always be there. And whatever kept her from feeling that way for me will always be there on my end. Why torture myself and put her at unease as well?

Vault101:
http://www.cracked.com/article_20225_6-ways-your-brain-sabotaging-your-sex-life.html
1. is there anyone slightly older (marrie deven) who still had freinds (and only freinds) of the oposite gender?

2. do you have freind fo the oposite gender and how do you feel?

First off, it's Cracked. Do you really think anything they have to say is accurate? Funny, sure, but accurate?

I have lots of friends of both genders. My desire to have sex with some of them has never been a problem to those friendships. My desire to not have sex with others of them has also never been a problem to those friendships.

I've been in a committed relationship for 10 years, and married for 7 of those years, to answer Question 1. And I already answered question 2 above.

Edit: Wow. The stink of misogyny is thick in this thread. Not your fault OP. I was reading some of these posts and... ugh. Once again my Ignore List has grown.

Bara_no_Hime:
Edit: Wow. The stink of misogyny is thick in this thread. Not your fault OP. I was reading some of these posts and... ugh. Once again my Ignore List has grown.

Enjoying a Christian band doesn't make one Christian.

Reading Huck Finn doesn't make one racist.

Questioning Authority doesn't make one an anarchist.

Critiquing video games doesn't make Yatzhee a right wing nut job who thinks video games promote violence.

So why in god's name do you think people who believe men and women can't just be friends is misogyny?

I have more guy friends than girl friends (lady here). Not sexually attracted to them in the slightest.

Nope. I want to sex them all to some extent.

My female friends are all gay,
But I have had sex with 2 or 3 of them (How do I count it if I had a 3 way but only got inside one of them?)

I didn't particularly want to, She's my best friend it was, but her wife really wanted that 3 way...
And the second time was one of those "For Science!" situations where she wanted to find out if she could be bisexual. She couldn't.
But I digress.

I don't have any sexual interest in my friends.

Personally (Male) I for the most part can't, excepting times when I am already involved. If I am single I will see you as a potential partner and try to sex you up, which isn't conducive to a good friendship. If you reject these advances, I will cease all contact with you. The only to be friends is to be ugly/fat ensuring I have zero attraction to you.

Pre-sorry to the "offeneded" crowd but that's just how I roll.

My ex girlfriend is my best friend, and has been for 13 years. No attraction either way anymore. We both know a relationship doesn't work, and our friendship is fucking awesome.

Vault101:
http://www.cracked.com/article_20225_6-ways-your-brain-sabotaging-your-sex-life.html

so one old issue that comes up is "men and women can't be freinds because sex" as explained in #1 on cracks article

call me niave but I figure even if there is some attraction it doesnt have to mean they can;t be friends....unless half the time its one big "freindzone" thing going on (what the hell IS the freindzone anyway?)

Yeah, some attraction wouldn't mean they can't be friends. Imagine the poor bisexuals who couldn't have any attraction at all for their friends... It simply needs to not interfere with the friendship. And for the most part I'd hope it'd be easy enough. I mean at worst it's as easy as when you've got a partner already and thus should keep other attractions under wraps (Well I guess unless you're in an open relationship). Kind of makes me wonder about the people who say they can't... Like can they really not enjoy the company of someone of the opposite sex if it doesn't lead to sex? Not particularly different from the company of someone of the same sex if you're not after sex.

so I have a few questions

1. is there anyone slightly older (marrie deven) who still had freinds (and only freinds) of the oposite gender?

2. do you have freind fo the oposite gender and how do you feel?

1. Not that old and not married.

2. Yeah I do. Not many but a few. Generally don't really feel much attraction towards them. Could be interested in a relationship with one of them, but certainly doesn't apply to all female friends. And would still be friends regardless, generally wouldn't find it worth considering to be in a relationship with someone if I didn't like them enough to be friends first.

Not everyone is mature enough to be just friends, honestly, and not everyone can be just friends. The rest can, however.

And now, let's just leave it at that.

Mr F.:
Last year two of my closest friends were female. The other was a dude. That's normal for me. Would I have gone for any of them? Nope. They were all good looking people, but the bloke was married with two kids, one of the girls had two kids and the other girl I genuinely valued my friendship a lot more.

SimpleThunda':

Vault101:

but then to what extent?

"an attraction" can just mean "yeah...I'd do that" and not nessicaryly "I wuf you 4 eva and eva and want to marry and live in castle protected by magical unicorns"

A neutral "I'd do that" as in, I couldn't care less if it didn't happen is borderline acceptable. Anything more than that isn't, in my book. But to each his own.

You, ser, have a worldview that I disagree with wholeheartedly. Shameful? Staying friends with people who have feelings for your is shameful?

My best friend throughout sixth form (Who would still be my friend if it were not for distance) was in love with me. Totally and utterly. He knew it, I knew it, my girlfriend knew it, we just left it at that. He would never do anything (Cause he knew I was in love, he knew my girlfriend was in love and he didn't want to fuck shit up) and I would never do anything. Feelings were not hurt.

Part of growing up is accepting that not all love is mutual, that not all attraction is mutual and that you can move on. Cutting all ties and burning all bridges just because you are facing unrequited love is insane!

It doesn't matter if you feel an attraction. It matters if you know what is appropriate. I am still attracted to some of my friends (Despite being in a loving relationship) and I know some of those people are attracted to me. Doesn't mean I will cut them out of my life.

The thing is, you'll probably want to stay friends with them on the off-chance that they change their mind and suddenly fall in love with you.

You'll be treating them better than you should on the off-chance that they change their mind and suddenly fall in love with you.

If this is honestly not true for you, then perhaps -you- are not shameful in staying friends, but in that case, I do get the impression that you truly don't care much about potentially having a relationship in the future, which is something I adressed.

For the majority, however, this is untrue and I've seen it happen countless times. And it's shameful.

The friendzone is a shameful place to be.

Even worse, your love interest may put and keep you there on purpose.

Like I said, to each his own, but I hold no respect for someone who keeps himself in such a position on the basis of hope for an eventual relationship which is never going to happen. Those kind of people need to stop lying to themselves and apparently be hit in the face a little bit harder with the bat of reality.

Voted for the bottom option; I'm very strict about my usage of the word "friend," and thus far no women have ever passed that point. I've known some awesome people who were also female, for sure, but never connected with them very deeply.

Tom_green_day:
You're all so lucky that most of you (according to the poll) don't get friend-zoned the moment you have feelings for anyone -.-

That's because the friendzone is a myth that guys invented to feel less bad about themselves when they can't deal with rejection. It's not the girl who friendzones you. You friendzone yourself. :)

SimpleThunda':

For the majority, however, this is untrue and I've seen it happen countless times. And it's shameful.

The friendzone is a shameful place to be.

I would agree that if you use the term "friendzone" with a straight face then you should be ashamed. So I guess we're sort of on the same page?

For all the people who've answered "no" in this thread, I feel sorry for you. If the opposite sex really holds no interest for you other than as a set of potentially willing genitals then they're probably better off not having you as a friend.

Also, I don't quite understand how the instant someone feels any kind of attraction, however lacklustre or casual, towards a friend it automatically means that the friendship is over. Perhaps someone can explain that to me.

Oh, and in answer to the thread, I have plenty of male friends to whom I am not attracted and who are not attracted to me. Some of them are very close friends. But I have the feeling that our opinions would be edited out of a certain Youtube video.

This topic, again? Oh Escapist, you should know better than this.

Here's the thing. The reason why I think that this topic rouses such strong responses is that people are just terrified that they might have inadvertently been some girl's "Nice Guy", or indeed some guy's "Stone Cold Heartless Bitch". But this isn't exactly a dilemma that can only be solved through the application of quantum mathematics, fuck-in-hell, you don't even need a working knowledge of algebra.

If someone else treats their doormat with more common decency and respect than they do you, you are not their fucking friend. If you allow yourself to be treated like an absolute doormat, and prostrate yourself before them without a shred of dignity or self-respect, you are not their fucking friend either. Friendships work off mutual respect. The overwhelming majority of time that you spend together with your friends should involve sharing experiences that you both have an equal interest in pursuing for their own sake.

Sycophants and those who enjoy their attentions, whether they're ignorant or aware of the role they play in their twisted relationship are incapable of an honest friendship. In these circumstances a friendship cannot be betrayed, because in truth it never existed in the first place.

Darken12:

Tom_green_day:
You're all so lucky that most of you (according to the poll) don't get friend-zoned the moment you have feelings for anyone -.-

That's because the friendzone is a myth that guys invented to feel less bad about themselves when they can't deal with rejection. It's not the girl who friendzones you. You friendzone yourself. :)

This is true. I've never understood men who remain friends with a girl who rejects them. You'll never be able to emotionally move on and focus on yourself, or another person, if you continue to subject yourself to the constant reminder that this person doesn't want you.

Then again, I understand that it's different for a lot of people; my Ex wanted to remain friends with me and didn't understand why I was so hostile to the idea. Some people like maintaining relationships with others that support their sense of self worth. Wouldn't it be better for them to cut them loose? Seems rather selfish to keep them around.

But while women do sometimes selfishly hold on to these men (or vice versa as the case may be), it's the men(or women) that don't walk away that only have themselves to blame.

There seams to be a bit of hostility on this thread (only a few posts, most of you are very nice) about the issue and I find it quite unsettling =(. I really never thought much of the issue to be honest as friends are friends and romance is romance, they can mix or be separate it depends on the compromise of people. I'm sure plenty of people have felt attraction to their preferred sex gender whether they are consciencely aware of it or not (I never knew how much I cared about one of my friends until she was gone in my life, the possibility you might not know what you want or miss something until its gone is still there.) Perhaps this kind of hostility and expectations we put on genders is more to blame about men and women friendship problems than intercourse.

I'm glad to see feed back but wish some of the ranting was more civil and less intentional demeaning, it feels to common to hear Men say they hate women and women say they hate men than I'd prefer to be comfortable =(. The friend zone issue is also complicated and it saddens me to hear the frustrations and anger of both parties, the one attracted to the friend (generally seen as male) and the unattracted party (generally seen as female). I know your all free to rant, and both sides make very good arguments but I wish people would be more nice and understanding to the other parties point of view.

Anyways thank you all so much for taking the time out of your day and physical energy to provide feedback to this fourm with free content and allow people like myself to reflect on ourselves with your thoughts and experiences in mind. Also for the record I'd say its possible depending on circumstances really, I'm neutral.

I didn't used to think it was very likely, but now that I'm married, I see that being friends with men is actually quite easy. I have 4 guy friends who come over every week to play Legend of the Five Rings with me, and we have a wonderful time just hanging out together. I've yet to feel the slightest bit of attraction to any of them, let alone the desire to hug/kiss/etc. them. It's not that they're unattractive, either---they're all decent-looking guys---I just don't need anyone other than my husband.

Vault101:

Starik20X6:

NinjaDeathSlap:
I'm a guy who has more girl-friends than guy-friends. I consider all the friendships I have to be satisfactory and worthwhile.

I will confess however, that over the course off every single one of these friendships I have been sexually attracted to the girl on at least one occasion. This doesn't mean I agree that as a heterosexual male any attempt at an innocent friendship with a member of the opposite sex is doomed to failure for me, however neither can I deny that The Power of Hormones is at times much stronger than The Power of Friendship.

Who are you, and how did you get into my brain?

Yeah, I find plenty of my female friends attractive, though I'd never act on it- I respect them too much.

What's this whole connection between sex and respect? Not trying to be confrontational just genuinely asking

I don't know if 'respect' is quite the correct word. It's a case of "I like you enough as a person that I'm not disappointed that you won't touch my junk". The whole "seeing them as more than potential sex partners" kind of thing. It's a bit difficult to describe.

Starik20X6:

Vault101:

Starik20X6:

Who are you, and how did you get into my brain?

Yeah, I find plenty of my female friends attractive, though I'd never act on it- I respect them too much.

What's this whole connection between sex and respect? Not trying to be confrontational just genuinely asking

I don't know if 'respect' is quite the correct word. It's a case of "I like you enough as a person that I'm not disappointed that you won't touch my junk". The whole "seeing them as more than potential sex partners" kind of thing. It's a bit difficult to describe.

But can't you have sex with someone AND respect them? Not being disappointed is cool, but what's weird is it makes it sound like you think less of someone you actually would have sex with.

I have a boatload of female friends.. and tbh some are bloody gorgeous people! so if i was ending up in a relationship with them id be like a TOTALLY happy guy.. but being friends with them is just awesome also because it means i get to spend time with them anyways.. so i cant really complain!

Katatori-kun:

spartan231490:
It really isn't possible unless both of them are unattractive to the other. You can still be friends, I have a few, but any attraction that exists will always cause problems, and pain, for both sides.

Sorry, but you're wrong. We've had loads of people on this thread testify otherwise. Perhaps you can't maintain friendships with people attractive to you, but a lot of us handle it just fine.

I don't believe you. I've seen more than enough real life evidence to the contrary. I've seen quite a few people who said exactly what you're saying, and then later realized how wrong they were. Just because you can maintain a friendship with someone of the opposite gender, doesn't mean that that your friend isn't having problems. Thing is, people tend to hide it from the other person when this is an issue because of the problems it will cause. And just because there haven't been any problems yet, doesn't mean they won't come later down the line, when there's a break-up, or the two of you meet up at a party when you're both smashed, ect. I've seen it time and time again, not that you can't be friends with people of the opposite gender, but these problems will always arise eventually. always.

Dijkstra:

Starik20X6:

Vault101:

What's this whole connection between sex and respect? Not trying to be confrontational just genuinely asking

I don't know if 'respect' is quite the correct word. It's a case of "I like you enough as a person that I'm not disappointed that you won't touch my junk". The whole "seeing them as more than potential sex partners" kind of thing. It's a bit difficult to describe.

But can't you have sex with someone AND respect them? Not being disappointed is cool, but what's weird is it makes it sound like you think less of someone you actually would have sex with.

Hence why I said respect isn't really the right word to describe it. It's not "I respect you for not sleeping with me", but "I can respect your decision to keep this relationship platonic, as much as I might want it to be otherwise."

Starik20X6:

Dijkstra:

Starik20X6:

I don't know if 'respect' is quite the correct word. It's a case of "I like you enough as a person that I'm not disappointed that you won't touch my junk". The whole "seeing them as more than potential sex partners" kind of thing. It's a bit difficult to describe.

But can't you have sex with someone AND respect them? Not being disappointed is cool, but what's weird is it makes it sound like you think less of someone you actually would have sex with.

Hence why I said respect isn't really the right word to describe it. It's not "I respect you for not sleeping with me", but "I can respect your decision to keep this relationship platonic, as much as I might want it to be otherwise."

Oooh. Well makes more sense when you put it that way. That I can understand.

spartan231490:

Katatori-kun:

spartan231490:
It really isn't possible unless both of them are unattractive to the other. You can still be friends, I have a few, but any attraction that exists will always cause problems, and pain, for both sides.

Sorry, but you're wrong. We've had loads of people on this thread testify otherwise. Perhaps you can't maintain friendships with people attractive to you, but a lot of us handle it just fine.

I don't believe you. I've seen more than enough real life evidence to the contrary. I've seen quite a few people who said exactly what you're saying, and then later realized how wrong they were. Just because you can maintain a friendship with someone of the opposite gender, doesn't mean that that your friend isn't having problems. Thing is, people tend to hide it from the other person when this is an issue because of the problems it will cause. And just because there haven't been any problems yet, doesn't mean they won't come later down the line, when there's a break-up, or the two of you meet up at a party when you're both smashed, ect. I've seen it time and time again, not that you can't be friends with people of the opposite gender, but these problems will always arise eventually. always.

Birds of a feather flock together. Your 'real life evidence' is probably more limited to people such as yourself. And it may shock you to learn that if you paid attention to more than yourself you'd see that some people in the thread have plenty of experience of their own.

And nope, the problems needn't always arise eventually. Your failures are not everyone else's no matter how much you may want them to be.

spartan231490:
I don't believe you. I've seen more than enough real life evidence to the contrary.

I'd like you to take a moment and think about how blisteringly arrogant it is for you to presume you know the friendships many of us in this thread are in better than we do ourselves. Just... think about that.

I've seen quite a few people who said exactly what you're saying, and then later realized how wrong they were.

So? I saw a lot of people who couldn't drive a stick-shift. That doesn't mean humans are incapable of driving stick-shifts.

Just because you can maintain a friendship with someone of the opposite gender, doesn't mean that that your friend isn't having problems.

While that's true, you can't just assume that they are having problems just because it fits into your neat little theory.

And just because there haven't been any problems yet, doesn't mean they won't come later down the line, when there's a break-up, or the two of you meet up at a party when you're both smashed, ect.

In several of the cases we have met at parties when we were smashed and ended up fine. I mean, yeah, it's always possible that the unexpected may happen, but that doesn't mean it's going to happen.

I've seen it time and time again, not that you can't be friends with people of the opposite gender, but these problems will always arise eventually. always.

Your experience is limited. It doesn't always happen. I've had friendships for years where it didn't, and one or the other of us is now happily married and in another country. Face it, you're wrong. You can only speak for yourself and the people you know, not for what is possible for everyone.

DevilWithaHalo:
This is true. I've never understood men who remain friends with a girl who rejects them. You'll never be able to emotionally move on and focus on yourself, or another person, if you continue to subject yourself to the constant reminder that this person doesn't want you.

Then again, I understand that it's different for a lot of people; my Ex wanted to remain friends with me and didn't understand why I was so hostile to the idea. Some people like maintaining relationships with others that support their sense of self worth. Wouldn't it be better for them to cut them loose? Seems rather selfish to keep them around.

But while women do sometimes selfishly hold on to these men (or vice versa as the case may be), it's the men(or women) that don't walk away that only have themselves to blame.

The friendzone isn't typically referred to as the "let's just be friends" post-relationship break-up speech, but to the "befriends a girl to get into her pants, gets rejected, continues to cling to friendship thinking he might get another shot" tactic some men use.

I never understood why wanting to remain friends with someone could ever be misconstrued as a selfish idea. Friendships are a two-way street. If a girl wants to be friends with you, it's not because she wants to take advantage of what you can do for her, it's because she wants to share moments of friendship with you, and everything you do for her can be expected to be reciprocated. If a woman (or man, of course), uses the word "friend" as a codeword for "servant", then the idea of friendship is not to blame, that's just them being assholes.

I have some hot friends that I am attracted to, what of it?

hmm. I am not attracted to any of my friends girlfriends (or ex's) in any way whatsoever. Not even a single sexual thought involving them. Im not attracted to any woman already spoken for because I despise drama and that seems to be stronger than my sexual drive.

As for being friends with a single woman not in a relationship? Done it a few times, always gets awkward somehow though. One of us will want something more, and then either get shot down or (in my case) dont have the single foggest idea that the other person wants something more in the relationship because I can not pick up on subtlety. Seriously, im terrible at it in real life.

It really got awkward when I found out that my best friend's younger sister has been hitting on me for years (and i had no idea).

Personal Experience As a guy:

Yes, they can very much be just friends

"Hi there stranger, let's be friends!

Oh wait... You're a woman, sorry but our genitalia dictates that it is impossible for us to just be friends."

I don't understand, why can't men and women be friends? I personally have a bunch of friendzoned lady friends (I put them there), if any of them asked me for the D I'd probably decline.

Padwolf on the Escapist is an example, knew her for years, we've even went to London together last year, she's like a sister to me :/ (though saying that, she probably hates me or something now, haven't spoken in a few months).

My friend's ex girlfriend is another example, she's a friend but never would I consider dating her. Not because there's a situation with my friend and her or anything, if I went out with her neither party would probably give a shit, but I wouldn't because I just don't find her attractive.

Both people aren't bad looking either, I'd say that both women are a 10/10 for me (though beauty is in the eyes of the beholder I guess), but I just don't find either of them sexually attractive.

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