whats your oposite gender friend situation?
I have no sexual attraction to my freind/s
26.8% (201)
26.8% (201)
I have some attraction but no desire to act
33.4% (250)
33.4% (250)
..I wouldnt mind..if the situation came up
25.5% (191)
25.5% (191)
I am freindzoned :'(
5.1% (38)
5.1% (38)
I have no freinds on the oposite gender
8.8% (66)
8.8% (66)
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Poll: Men and women being freinds

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CardinalPiggles:

You can't know, but some make it quite obvious, so fuck those people.

Also, you must underestimate the power of a mans sexual desires. Some men don't realise even when told that's what's happening. They'd piss off their real friends for that tiny 'chance' that they might get laid. It's really sad to see some people so desperate for sex that they would let people manipulate them like that.

I'm not denying that thats a thing

its just my problem with alot of peoples version of "the freindzone" is it villifies women, as if they are always totally aware and manipulating....or going out with jerks on purpose (that guy is such a jerk! I wanna get in his pants! <-said no woman ever)

I'm not saying that women are never at fault in thease situations....but it just seems that genrally its the guys problem, then when it all blows up they become bitter are start saying "hurr hur well wait untill she's old and alone..she'll come crawling back to guys like me" <-jesus man, somone here is a jerk and its not other guy she's with

Vault101:

DevilWithaHalo:
He very well could have; after all, it seems more comedic than anything else, so perhaps his motivations were purely comedic in nature. But I find people's responses to it more interesting that I do the actual content of the video in question. Perhaps we should chalk it up to confirmation bias eh?

that video is about as much solid evidence as my poll..in fact I'd say the poll is better because its got more answers..but whatever

You can have easily manipulated the poll results. ;)

Vault101:

DevilWithaHalo:
I wouldn't argue against being skeptical about someone's research, especially if they have a vested interest in it's outcome. But while we accept that, so too must we accept the possibility of its legitimacy. So we continue to research the subject, and if continued findings tend to trend toward a certain outcome... well... what would you think?

so if thease studies are true what should we be takning away from them? only be freinds with your own gender?

I certainly can't tell you what to take away from it. Perhaps just keep it in mind?

spartan231490:

boots:

... And then you told many other people that their opinions were invalid and they must be lying, because their personal experiences didn't align with your own.

No, I didn't.

Yup. Ya did. See?

spartan231490:
I don't believe you. I've seen more than enough real life evidence to the contrary.

spartan231490:

Thirdly, I never said that everyone always makes irrational decisions. I said that everyone eventually makes irrational decisions. You are the one who started saying always.

Fourthly, again you've put words in my mouth. I never said that people can't have friends they're attracted to. I said that when they do, problems will arise. I never said it was impossible, I admitted in my first post that I had friends I'm attracted to. I said that there will always be problems, not relationship-ending problems(not always anyway), but problems.

Eventually, someone will say or do something they shouldn't have. It's human nature. If you deny it, you'll be powerless against it.

Now that is a pretty sound argument. You know, if you ignore the mountains of evidence and personal experience that contradict it in this thread alone. How can you just dismiss ... oh, right, I forgot.

spartan231490:
I don't believe you.

Yes, that clears everything up.

spartan231490:
You're making a few big mistakes. Firstly, you're claiming that you are immune to making irrational and emotional decisions. I don't believe you. No one should. Everyone makes irrational emotional decisions with fairly high regularity. Second, you're assuming that my whole argument is predicated on this. It's not. My point was that I have never seen a relationship where the two people weren't both completely unattracted to each other that didn't run into trouble eventually. You can't counter that, because it's truth. Does it necessarily prove anything? Of course not, and I never implied that it was. I was merely defending my position.

I never said I was immune to all forms of irrational decisions, I'm merely immune to gambling, sexual desire, substance abuse, thrill-seeking and several more. I've made a few irrational decisions in my life, but I've always recognised them as bad things and (so far, successfully) avoided doing them again. And I've met quite a few people (several dozen, in fact) who have been the same. To a greater or lesser degree, people can in general avoid making irrational decisions if they really want to.

Also, I can easily counter that because you're providing anecdotal evidence. I provide the same. For every relationship with mutual attraction you've witnessed that ran into trouble, I have at least one (or two) that didn't. Once you get out high school (or even college, as adolescence is getting stretched out further and further), you find that mature adults can easily ignore mutual attraction. Though I'm loath to make it a matter of age, because it's not. It's a matter of maturity. Some teenagers realise this quite soon, some thirty-somethings still behave immaturely.

spartan231490:
Thirdly, I never said that everyone always makes irrational decisions. I said that everyone eventually makes irrational decisions. You are the one who started saying always.

Nope, you did:

spartan231490:
I've seen it time and time again, not that you can't be friends with people of the opposite gender, but these problems will always arise eventually. always.

Emphasis mine.

spartan231490:
Fourthly, again you've put words in my mouth. I never said that people can't have friends they're attracted to. I said that when they do, problems will arise. I never said it was impossible, I admitted in my first post that I had friends I'm attracted to. I said that there will always be problems, not relationship-ending problems(not always anyway), but problems.

Eventually, someone will say or do something they shouldn't have. It's human nature. If you deny it, you'll be powerless against it.

Uh, no. If you are basing your argument on "people can sometimes be dicks" then you are conflating an obvious truth with the topic at hand. People will eventually say or do something they shouldn't have in every relationship. No relationship, not even between two asexuals, two straight men, two straight women or a gay man and a lesbian, will go on for long without both sides being dicks to each other at some point (on purpose or not). That has nothing to do with attraction but with the fallibility of human nature.

spartan231490:
I know I'm not arrogant, I made a statement of opinion,

Incorrect. You made a claim about what is possible. That's not a matter of opinion. That's a claim to fact. Don't get all wishy-washy about your own claims now that you're being challenged on them.

I think it's ironic for you to call me arrogant for doing only that,

No, you're arrogant for pretending you know complete strangers' relationships better than they do themselves. There's no way you're going to back away from that with any dignity.

when people like you not only do that, but also belittle the opinions of others.

Not once did I speculate about anyone's relationships but my own- and I certainly never pretended I know anyone else's relationships better than they do.

2 The difference is, you have seen people who can drive stick shift, I've never seen any relationship where one person was attracted to another that didn't have serious problems.

Your limited experience is not our problem.

3 You can't just assume that they aren't, I was simply pointing out that just because you aren't aware of a problem doesn't mean that there isn't one.

Tut, don't repeat yourself. I already dealt with this- you don't know that there are, I don't know for sure that there aren't. But absent a reason to believe they are, assuming they are is nonsensical superstition.

5 I don't have to face anything. You're experience is no greater than mine,

But mine shows something is possible. You're just sticking your fingers in your ears and going "LAA-LAA-LAA!" because you don't want to hear it.

This isn't a debate with a right answer,

It's not a debate, but there is a right answer. If one person can do it, it's possible. And at least one person has. So you're wrong. Deal with it.

Vault101:

CardinalPiggles:

You can't know, but some make it quite obvious, so fuck those people.

Also, you must underestimate the power of a mans sexual desires. Some men don't realise even when told that's what's happening. They'd piss off their real friends for that tiny 'chance' that they might get laid. It's really sad to see some people so desperate for sex that they would let people manipulate them like that.

I'm not denying that thats a thing

its just my problem with alot of peoples version of "the freindzone" is it villifies women, as if they are always totally aware and manipulating....or going out with jerks on purpose (that guy is such a jerk! I wanna get in his pants! <-said no woman ever)

I'm not saying that women are never at fault in thease situations....but it just seems that genrally its the guys problem, then when it all blows up they become bitter are start saying "hurr hur well wait untill she's old and alone..she'll come crawling back to guys like me" <-jesus man, somone here is a jerk and its not other guy she's with

Agreed, some guys use it as a scapegoat for why they got rejected, and it's not fair on the girl that just wants to be left alone.

Some girls are total bitches, some men are total dicks.

The 'FriendZone' really is a misused term. Maybe I'll stop using it.

For pity's sake, the 'friendzone' isn't a thing. What it means is a girl thinks you're a good person and a good friend, but she's just not romantically or sexually interested in you, and if you're just bummed that she doesn't want to have sex with you, you have your answer of why you're not relationship material.

Yeah, you're a nice guy. What else? That's not enough. There's a nice guy who's also handsome and professionally successful she's into, and if your only redeemable quality is you're not a bastard, you need to take a look at yourself, and how interesting and valuable as a potential mate you are. You're standard. Start being special.

I used to just be a nice guy, then I gave up on relationships because I kept getting friendzone'd, and went back to focusing on myself. Being healthy, working smart, being happy with my own company.
I'm about to turn 25. I drive a $20,000 Mustang because I love the car, and I'm only a few months away from home ownership. Now *I* put girls in the friendzone because I can afford to be picky.

Young men get friendzoned because young women have a higher 'market value' relationship-wise thus they can afford to be picky, and they just ain't picking you.

Get the fuck over it, go out and have more to offer. Girls want a man, not someone they have to babysit or run around after, and most importantly has something to occupy his time and passions other than being a 'good and loyal' (read: clingy, emotional, lapdog, needy) boyfriend.

I'm probably attracted to about half my friends. And only half of them are opposite gender.

One of my best male friends and I have a shit ton of sexual tension between us. He has a girlfriend who is also coincidentally, one of my friends. We flirt back and forth all the time and do stupid let's see how turned on we can get each other shit. Constantly. Does it affect our actual friendship? No. We are both adults and realise that we are never going to be in any kind of situation with each other(even with the flirting and shit oh and he's also one of my drinking buddies)in which our friendship will be compromised. Even if he were to suddenly become single. We have enough control over our own bodies and hormones to not act on our urges or anything.

In regards to the article I very highly doubt asexual men and gay men feel that their female friends just want to have sex with them. I mean I'm neither asexual or a male(most of the time depending on my gender identity but that's a whole 'nother can of worms)nor do I represent all men who fall into either category or even both but from what I gather from men that I do know in one or both of those situations they typically don't. And I also tend to disagree with a lot of cracked's articles anyway. Especially since a lot of them are completely off base when they are describing the general population like the one linked.

CardinalPiggles:

Some girls are total bitches, some men are total dicks.

you mean to say people act like people regardless of gender!?

what is this madness!? GET OUT!

boots:

spartan231490:

boots:

... And then you told many other people that their opinions were invalid and they must be lying, because their personal experiences didn't align with your own.

No, I didn't.

Yup. Ya did. See?

spartan231490:
I don't believe you. I've seen more than enough real life evidence to the contrary.

spartan231490:

Thirdly, I never said that everyone always makes irrational decisions. I said that everyone eventually makes irrational decisions. You are the one who started saying always.

Fourthly, again you've put words in my mouth. I never said that people can't have friends they're attracted to. I said that when they do, problems will arise. I never said it was impossible, I admitted in my first post that I had friends I'm attracted to. I said that there will always be problems, not relationship-ending problems(not always anyway), but problems.

Eventually, someone will say or do something they shouldn't have. It's human nature. If you deny it, you'll be powerless against it.

Now that is a pretty sound argument. You know, if you ignore the mountains of evidence and personal experience that contradict it in this thread alone. How can you just dismiss ... oh, right, I forgot.

spartan231490:
I don't believe you.

Yes, that clears everything up.

No, I didn't. I said I don't believe you. That doesn't mean your opinion is a lie or irrelevant, it means I don't believe you.

Katatori-kun:

spartan231490:
I know I'm not arrogant, I made a statement of opinion,

Incorrect. You made a claim about what is possible. That's not a matter of opinion. That's a claim to fact. Don't get all wishy-washy about your own claims now that you're being challenged on them.

I think it's ironic for you to call me arrogant for doing only that,

No, you're arrogant for pretending you know complete strangers' relationships better than they do themselves. There's no way you're going to back away from that with any dignity.

when people like you not only do that, but also belittle the opinions of others.

Not once did I speculate about anyone's relationships but my own- and I certainly never pretended I know anyone else's relationships better than they do.

2 The difference is, you have seen people who can drive stick shift, I've never seen any relationship where one person was attracted to another that didn't have serious problems.

Your limited experience is not our problem.

3 You can't just assume that they aren't, I was simply pointing out that just because you aren't aware of a problem doesn't mean that there isn't one.

Tut, don't repeat yourself. I already dealt with this- you don't know that there are, I don't know for sure that there aren't. But absent a reason to believe they are, assuming they are is nonsensical superstition.

5 I don't have to face anything. You're experience is no greater than mine,

But mine shows something is possible. You're just sticking your fingers in your ears and going "LAA-LAA-LAA!" because you don't want to hear it.

This isn't a debate with a right answer,

It's not a debate, but there is a right answer. If one person can do it, it's possible. And at least one person has. So you're wrong. Deal with it.

One person claims they have, that doesn't mean that they have.

Darken12:

spartan231490:
You're making a few big mistakes. Firstly, you're claiming that you are immune to making irrational and emotional decisions. I don't believe you. No one should. Everyone makes irrational emotional decisions with fairly high regularity. Second, you're assuming that my whole argument is predicated on this. It's not. My point was that I have never seen a relationship where the two people weren't both completely unattracted to each other that didn't run into trouble eventually. You can't counter that, because it's truth. Does it necessarily prove anything? Of course not, and I never implied that it was. I was merely defending my position.

I never said I was immune to all forms of irrational decisions, I'm merely immune to gambling, sexual desire, substance abuse, thrill-seeking and several more. I've made a few irrational decisions in my life, but I've always recognised them as bad things and (so far, successfully) avoided doing them again. And I've met quite a few people (several dozen, in fact) who have been the same. To a greater or lesser degree, people can in general avoid making irrational decisions if they really want to.

Also, I can easily counter that because you're providing anecdotal evidence. I provide the same. For every relationship with mutual attraction you've witnessed that ran into trouble, I have at least one (or two) that didn't. Once you get out high school (or even college, as adolescence is getting stretched out further and further), you find that mature adults can easily ignore mutual attraction. Though I'm loath to make it a matter of age, because it's not. It's a matter of maturity. Some teenagers realise this quite soon, some thirty-somethings still behave immaturely.

It's cute that you think you're older than me, you have no idea how old I am. Pro-tip, I've been out of high school for a while. It also amuses me that you think you know how many of these relationships I've seen. You know nothing about me, that's just you being judgmental . . . again.

spartan231490:
Thirdly, I never said that everyone always makes irrational decisions. I said that everyone eventually makes irrational decisions. You are the one who started saying always.

Nope, you did:

spartan231490:
I've seen it time and time again, not that you can't be friends with people of the opposite gender, but these problems will always arise eventually. always.

Emphasis mine.

exactly, I said eventually. Not every single time the opportunity presents itself, but in every relationship that lasts for very long, I stand by that. You were trying to imply that I said everyone would make irrational decisions all the time. i didn't. I said every one makes irrational decisions eventually.

spartan231490:
Fourthly, again you've put words in my mouth. I never said that people can't have friends they're attracted to. I said that when they do, problems will arise. I never said it was impossible, I admitted in my first post that I had friends I'm attracted to. I said that there will always be problems, not relationship-ending problems(not always anyway), but problems.

Eventually, someone will say or do something they shouldn't have. It's human nature. If you deny it, you'll be powerless against it.

Uh, no. If you are basing your argument on "people can sometimes be dicks" then you are conflating an obvious truth with the topic at hand. People will eventually say or do something they shouldn't have in every relationship. No relationship, not even between two asexuals, two straight men, two straight women or a gay man and a lesbian, will go on for long without both sides being dicks to each other at some point (on purpose or not). That has nothing to do with attraction but with the fallibility of human nature.

There's a difference between being a dick, and doing something you shouldn't have. Everyone is a dick at some point, and friends tend to be very understanding about that. Friends tend to be somewhat less understanding of unwanted sexual advances. Even if they are understanding about it, it still makes things awkward, way awkward, far worse than just lashing out at a friend cuz you've had a bad day. And that is about human nature, just like I said, but it's also about attraction.

I have a large amount of female friends, and I wouldn't say there's any sexual attraction between most of them(on my side). The ones that I have an attraction to are mostly failed relationship attempts that turned into a mutual. friendship. (i.e. friend zoned)

Would I start a relationship with any of them? Probably, provided THEY were interested(It would pretty much be "Let's give it a shot" on my end). Also as long as they were close to my age. I'm friends with a lot of my exs' parents(One so much that about a month after I broke up with the girl she came up nearly begging me to go back out with her...), and considering they're pushing 50 and 60 now...

I also have female friends that, while they are attractive, I have no attraction too.

As for the "friend zone", I don't believe in it. It's just people who are pissed because the relationship didn't work out and they blame it on not being a lover, but being a friend instead. Which I see as complete bullshit. Most relationships of mine, we started as friends, and got closer from there.

spartan231490:

No, I didn't. I said I don't believe you. That doesn't mean your opinion is a lie or irrelevant, it means I don't believe you.

Hahaha what? You're doing some amazing wriggling in this thread. "I didn't say it was a lie, I just said I don't believe you."

Basically, lots of people - in this thread alone - have stated that they've had strong, healthy friendships with members of the opposite sex, even when one-sided attraction was involved. And you've dismissed all of them as liars or delusionals because you, for some reason, believe this phenomenon to be literally impossible.

I ... honestly don't know what to do with that.

spartan231490:

One person claims they have, that doesn't mean that they have.

Hi there! *waves* That's two people now. Feel like carrying on a bit more? How many more people will you write off as liars before you consider the possibility that maybe you were wrong?

Wow, the hatred in this thread is strong. This is even worse than the gun threads.

boots:

spartan231490:

No, I didn't. I said I don't believe you. That doesn't mean your opinion is a lie or irrelevant, it means I don't believe you.

Hahaha what? You're doing some amazing wriggling in this thread. "I didn't say it was a lie, I just said I don't believe you."

Basically, lots of people - in this thread alone - have stated that they've had strong, healthy friendships with members of the opposite sex, even when one-sided attraction was involved. And you've dismissed all of them as liars or delusionals because you, for some reason, believe this phenomenon to be literally impossible.

I ... honestly don't know what to do with that.

spartan231490:

One person claims they have, that doesn't mean that they have.

Hi there! *waves* That's two people now. Feel like carrying on a bit more? How many more people will you write off as liars before you consider the possibility that maybe you were wrong?

And I just realized, I honestly don't care. Believe what you want, call me a fool and a liar. It's not worth the time and effort anymore. IMHO, any friendship with a member of your preferred gender, or who prefers your gender, is far weaker than a friendship that lacks that sexual tension, all other things being equal. Make of that what you will.

spartan231490:
One person claims they have, that doesn't mean that they have.

That's true.

But in order to have a reason to believe they are wrong, you need to either have fairly compelling evidence (which you do not) or be a monumentally arrogant person who is so invested in believing that your own limited experience must be the only way of life possible that you'd assume everyone who has a contradictory experience to your own doesn't even understand their own experience.

I wonder, what score did you get on the narcissism test?

Katatori-kun:

spartan231490:
One person claims they have, that doesn't mean that they have.

That's true.

But in order to have a reason to believe they are wrong, you need to either have fairly compelling evidence (which you do not) or be a monumentally arrogant person who is so invested in believing that your own limited experience must be the only way of life possible that you'd assume everyone who has a contradictory experience to your own doesn't even understand their own experience.

I wonder, what score did you get on the narcissism test?

Like a 9. I was surprised, I was expecting around a 13. I'm not arrogant, I've just been around long enough to know better than to trust anecdotal evidence. As I said in my other post. I really don't care anymore. I stated my opinion. Make of it what you will.

spartan231490:
I'm not arrogant, I've just been around long enough to know better than to trust anecdotal evidence.

When an entire thread asserts they've had an experience but you continue to assert that you know their relationships better than they do, that's arrogance.

I really don't care anymore. I stated my opinion.

And yet you keep replying. You keep backpeddaling to pretend that the factual claim you made about what sort of relationship is possible is now an "opinion" that can't be challenged despite it clearly being wrong.

spartan231490:
It's cute that you think you're older than me, you have no idea how old I am. Pro-tip, I've been out of high school for a while. It also amuses me that you think you know how many of these relationships I've seen. You know nothing about me, that's just you being judgmental . . . again.

I feel confident enough to match your anecdotal evidence because I have yet to see a single relationship out of high school (and even quite a few in high school) that got ruined by sexual attraction. Maybe it's a cultural thing, here either you get sex immediately when two mutually attracted people meet or you don't. And if you don't, there's always someone else, so if this person makes you laugh, has your back and stimulates you intellectually, why fuck that up when you can get all the sex you want (and more) elsewhere?

spartan231490:
exactly, I said eventually. Not every single time the opportunity presents itself, but in every relationship that lasts for very long, I stand by that. You were trying to imply that I said everyone would make irrational decisions all the time. i didn't. I said every one makes irrational decisions eventually.

Yes, but you're saying that it happens always (that is, in every relationship). Again, you're saying that sooner or later we will all fall prey to our genitals and fuck up a friendship. Poor, poor bisexuals (and pansexuals). They are the true foreveraloners. Come on, that's ridiculous. For a lot of people, sex isn't worth the awkwardness, it just isn't. With the easy access to porn, the availability of sex and the fact that you will eventually get a relationship with someone, good friendships end up being worth a lot more than mere sex.

spartan231490:
There's a difference between being a dick, and doing something you shouldn't have. Everyone is a dick at some point, and friends tend to be very understanding about that. Friends tend to be somewhat less understanding of unwanted sexual advances. Even if they are understanding about it, it still makes things awkward, way awkward, far worse than just lashing out at a friend cuz you've had a bad day. And that is about human nature, just like I said, but it's also about attraction.

Let's take a bisexual. You assume that sooner or later, they will make a pass at all the friends they find attractive (which may well be all of them). This is ridiculous. Bisexuals don't work like that. I'm friends with both men and women and the idea of sex never even entered the picture. My coworkers are friends and they are all attractive. Yet almost all of them have long-term relationships or are married, but they are still friends who flirt, joke about sex and laugh it off as completely meaningless. And even the single ones (who may or may not have slept together at some point) are still friends and things aren't the slightest awkward between them. And that's the kind of case I see every day. We don't really do awkwardness here, because it's awkward. We tend to either laugh it off or just sever the relationship (which is seen as very extreme), so in reality, you can be friends with whoever you like. You can be friends with people you are or aren't attracted to (and viceversa), with people you've slept with, with people you were in long-term relationships with, and so on.

People aren't doomed to make the specific mistakes you claim they will always make. Some people might make them, but not all, and in my experience, only a minority will.

spartan231490:

And I just realized, I honestly don't care. Believe what you want, call me a fool and a liar. It's not worth the time and effort anymore. IMHO, any friendship with a member of your preferred gender, or who prefers your gender, is far weaker than a friendship that lacks that sexual tension, all other things being equal. Make of that what you will.

I think you're confused. No one called you a liar. You called other people liars, but no one ever turned it around on you. No one ever doubted your claim that you've never encountered a good friendship between members of the opposite sex.

You see, casting doubt on other people's testimony and calling them liars because their personal experience doesn't match up with yours is a douchey thing to do.

Anyway, we'll be sure let all the bisexuals know that they'll never ever be able to have a meaningful friendship. Thanks, bro.

spartan231490:
I'm not arrogant, I've just been around long enough to know better than to trust anecdotal evidence.

This is a thread asking people about their personal experiences, and you don't think anecdotal evidence is significant? Would it be better if we took the scientific approach? Used a series of blood tests to determine the level of friendship between people (by the number of symbiotic friendship cells in their body) and show the results on a graph?

Oh, and best of all, your claim that friendship between men and women isn't possible, since you've never seen it work out? Based on anecdotal evidence. Yup, I'm afraid that your personal experiences only count as anecdotal evidence as well.

There were some co-workers that I use to work with that were married and had friends either in the workforce or by association that were the opposite gender and they all go along harmoniously. I didn't know too much about their history or relations, but it felt like they just got along without any awkwardness or jealousy.

I have a lot of charming, cool, and interesting female friends that I find attractive. However, just because I do, it does not mean that I am interested in pursuing any kind of romantic/physical relationship with them. Simply because they are my friends and I never had any strong feelings towards them aside from camaraderie.

Vault101:

rhizhim:
snip

oh well that proves everything then!/sarcasm

okay, so this thread is about people giving out an opinion and you making fun of it. so like every other "significant" thread.

this video backs up an opinion and could be used as evidence to back up an argument.

and if you are asking yourself about the validity of it, you might as well doubt your easily to manipulate poll.

Vault101:
http://www.cracked.com/article_20225_6-ways-your-brain-sabotaging-your-sex-life.html

so one old issue that comes up is "men and women can't be freinds because sex" as explained in #1 on cracks article

call me niave but I figure even if there is some attraction it doesnt have to mean they can;t be friends....unless half the time its one big "freindzone" thing going on (what the hell IS the freindzone anyway?)

The "friendzone" is the stupidest bunch of bullshit ever conjured. Notice how it only happens with people you knew in elementary-highschool? The whole stigma of dating your friends in school implants this notion in peoples' (mostly girls') heads, and apparently they never have the sense to see past highschool social politics with the people who they were friends with at the time.
And then, from college onwards, you date your friends because you know them, and often they're the ONLY people you know....and it's considered utterly normal.

In fact, that's one of the most significant reasonings for anti-teenage sex - In highschool an STD will spread like wildfire because everyone is expected to date outside their social groups, but in an adult world people tend to date/sleep with people where they work, so it gets contained and just bounces around that group of people.

Just food for thought.

so I have a few questions

1. is there anyone slightly older (marrie deven) who still had freinds (and only freinds) of the oposite gender?

2. do you have freind fo the oposite gender and how do you feel?

I am a 26 year-old guy, 8/10 of my closest friends are women, as are numerous others.

I am as follows:
1 - Very in love with, but mostly friendzoned by one of them. We're very....good friends. Like we trust each other probably more than we trust anyone else, but we're not super close in a spending a lot of time together sort of way ...partially because she's always busy as all hell, and partially because our levels of enthusiasm for various interests aren't exactly equal.....it's really....complicated.

2 - Very in love with & not even REMOTELY friendzoned with one of them(the feeling is actually mutual). She's my best friend, but she's in a terrible relationship that she refuses to accept is terrible. But all the same she spends an awful lot of nights falling asleep in my arms and we do a lot of flirting.
Actively trying to sort this one out every single day.

3 - Mildly in love and friendzoned with one of them (the hottest woman I know), I asked her out and got shot down, but I regard her more as my sister, so it's oddly no issue to me. Sort of a weird vague complicated mess of feelings that boil down to me going "Yea, *shrug* I'm okay with this".

4 - Attracted to (but not so much that I'd ever act on it) one who I have no idea if I'd be friendzoned or not. But she's like a sister to me and she's getting married, so it's all moot and good anyways.

5 - Quite attracted to one (because she's one of the two hottest women I've met in real life, so it's hard not to be), but we're not super close, and I have no inclination to actually ask her out....possibly because she's just -ME- from an alternate reality where I'm a hot chick....and it's a little scary when someone thinks exactly like you...

6 - Not attracted to one, but we get along really well.....aside from that she wants me and relentlessly hits on me, and that's a bit awkward... But she knows I'm preoccupied elsewhere, so she mostly does it just to mess with me, and therefore we're fairly good friends.

7 - Not at all attracted to one who's a lesbian. We get along great in theory. But yea, not at all attracted to her....partially because she kinda looks like a guy, which I have a hard time shaking off...and that, unfortunately, makes me act a bit awkward around her.

8 - Only vaguely attracted to, but really just want to be friends with my uh....former friend's wife. Can't stand the guy anymore, but she's awesome. Known them both since before they knew each other. Kinda like a sister to me....except that it's REALLY awkward talking to someone when you can't stand her husband and you're trying not to make either of them aware of that and start needless butthurt.

9 - Not attracted to, but friends with a much younger girl (probably 19 by now?)I met at a comic book store that her dad and cousin owned. She reminds me of a younger version of #4, so we get along pretty damn well. But she lives a couple hours away, I literally never see her in real life since I moved back to Houston, and she's married.

10 - Quite attracted to a girl who's 22 that I worked with at Christmas, but she's married and her daughter just turned 1, and she's friends with #2, so attraction is beyond meaningless in this equation. We get along amazingly well and I think there's a fair chance she'll end up as one of my best friends.

11 - Quite attracted to a friend who just turned 21 that I met when I worked with her at Christmas, but our general inclinations and hobbies don't seem to mesh for the most part despite that we get along pretty well and have a mutual respect thing going, and she lives in San Antonio which is 4 hours from Houston... And I'm almost positive I'm friendzoned. So....yea. She's just a friend.

12 - Quite attracted to a friend (who I think is probably 22 by now) that I met in college. Would've probably asked her out at the time if she hadn't had a boyfriend. Now she's 2 hours away. So it's irrelevant. Don't think I was friendzoned.

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So, clearly, yes, you CAN just be friends.
Also, love and emotions and relationships can be complicated as fuck.

boots:

SimpleThunda':

For the majority, however, this is untrue and I've seen it happen countless times. And it's shameful.

The friendzone is a shameful place to be.

I would agree that if you use the term "friendzone" with a straight face then you should be ashamed. So I guess we're sort of on the same page?

For all the people who've answered "no" in this thread, I feel sorry for you. If the opposite sex really holds no interest for you other than as a set of potentially willing genitals then they're probably better off not having you as a friend.

Also, I don't quite understand how the instant someone feels any kind of attraction, however lacklustre or casual, towards a friend it automatically means that the friendship is over. Perhaps someone can explain that to me.

Oh, and in answer to the thread, I have plenty of male friends to whom I am not attracted and who are not attracted to me. Some of them are very close friends. But I have the feeling that our opinions would be edited out of a certain Youtube video.

You don't seem to get it.

I'm not saying men and women can't be friends.

I am saying that when one of both parties starts feeling an attraction to the other, which is left unanswered, they should leave and not stick around in the hopes of an eventual relationship which is not going to happen.

Mr F.:

snip

You don't quite seem to understand my point and you're twisting it into something "juvenile".

If you love/want someone sexually, and they don't love/want you back, that's the moment when you need to accept that it's never going to happen and act that way.

What happens most of the time though, is people will stay close to that person, be a complete suck up, do shit for them, all in the hopes of ever getting in love/sexual relationship. And THAT is shameful. In my opinion anyway. Have some respect for yourself. Don't do shit for someone that that person wouldn't be prepared to do for you.

Since you're asking what I think about your friend:
I don't know him, so it's hard to tell for me.
If he has genuinely accepted to stay friends and is fine with that and has no illusions of future relationships, I don't see anything wrong with it.
If he still has hopes for a love/sexual relationship, that also being the reason why he's being such a good friend, I think he should've left as soon as it was clear it wasn't going to happen.

Honestly, to me this doesn't just go for love/sexual relationships, but also friendships.

When I am friends with someone, I expect to be on the same level.
If I am prepared to go through fire for a friend, I expect him to do the same.

"Freinds"? Where would I go about obtaining these and are they anything like friends?

On a serious note, I've only had one friend of the opposite gender and we were just friends.

rhizhim:

okay, so this thread is about people giving out an opinion and you making fun of it. so like every other "significant" thread.

was that a personal jab or a general one?

this video backs up an opinion and could be used as evidence to back up an argument.

I wouldnt say its very good evidence....at all, but anyway OK the sarcastic comment was perhaps a bit much but I had already seen those videos (and in another thread ageis ago) and it jut always annoyed me..like "LOOK ITS TRUE" kind of like the "lock and key metaphor"

and if you are asking yourself about the validity of it, you might as well doubt your easily to manipulate poll.

not saying the poll I completely valid but I dont see how its "easily manipulated" unless my questions arent very good

I think it's a lot easier for women to have male friends. I don't fancy a single one of my friends but I know a couple who fancy me.
I think if you made all your friends because you want to fuck them rather than because you have loads in common/get on well etc then you're a bit of a dolt. People shouldn't seek friends for sexual gratification, but for companionship. Obviously make friends first and if something comes from it then that's great and you should go for it. Keeping someone around in the hopes they're gonna jump in bed with you isn't a good idea.

I have friends of the opposite sex, and friends are just friends.
I think once you miss the window of opportunity, it just becomes normal to be just friends

I'm a lesbian.

So...This is a pretty one sided discussion for me.

I kind of skipped over pages 4 and 5 of this thread so pardon me if this was indeed brought up.

What if the person / people asked is gay or bisexual? Did you mean to ask about platonic relationships specifically between heterosexual men and women or between two people whom at least one has a compatible sexuality?

Anyway, I can't speak for anyone else but I do know that I myself can maintain relationships that are purely platonic, with both genders. I have both male and female friends and I'm very close friends with some of them.

I'd also like to know if you mean just staying friends, not having any sexual desires for the other person at all OR remaining good friends despite sexual desire? (Because apparently all men sexually desire every woman with a pulse, according to some people.)
I myself am quite capable of all of these really. I have no desire to be with most of my male friends and nearly every one of my female friends. I do fancy a very close friend of mine, and he is quite aware of it. We've talked about it and since then we've remained just as close as we used to. I know we won't be together and because of that I've just let that vague hope go. These days I'm not bothered at all that he said no.

I truly believe it is possible, because so far I've been successful. I guess I'll have to see what happens in the long run though.

As for those videos that have been posted and quoted a few times. It really feels like rubbish to just ask college students about this. Get a better sample group. But the second video raises an interesting question.

What if they had asked some same gendered couples? Could I reasonably expect my hypothetical boyfriend to just throw away all his friendships with other males just to indulge my jealousy and sense of 'ownership'?

NO!

And that goes for straight couples as well.

Do as much as you can with everyone you meet. Modern society's view of relationships and sexuality is bullshit.

boots:
Anyway, we'll be sure let all the bisexuals know that they'll never ever be able to have a meaningful friendship. Thanks, bro.

Yup, that point was really driven into everyone's heads by now. Apparently not only bisexuals have to suffer from the usual stereotypes (that we're just "greedy" or "experimenting" or "too straight/gay" or "depraved pervs" or "fooling ourselves" and so on and so forth), we also have to live depressingly friendless lives. And according to this, we can also calculate the only possible friendships in the human race: Between two asexuals, two straight people of the same gender or a gay man and a lesbian. Gay men can't be friends with either straight men or straight women (and the same goes for lesbians), and bisexuals/pansexuals can't be friends with anybody. Under this theory, straight people can be friends with their own gender just fine, while LGBT people are the ones that get screwed over the most. Smells like straight privilege at work here.

Though really, it's easily disprovable by the experiences of the vast majority of mature people in the world.

I've had friendships with women where there really wasn't any romantic feelings whatsoever (thinking of one of my best friends in particular... Everyone tells me she is hot and stuff but she isn't my type as dont like curly hair, as petty as it sounds... Though i admit the one time she straightened her hair i was like daaaaamn), so its perfectly possible for a guy and girl to be friends without strings attached.

Sometimes there are feelings, but ive always had a "if it happens, it happens" policy in regard to that and don't think nothing more of it, so what if i find some of my friends hot? Il say as much and we have a laugh about it, end of story.

Concepts like friendzone and stuff are cute, but those only exist in the mind of the people that believe in it so hard they make it true ^^

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