whats your oposite gender friend situation?
I have no sexual attraction to my freind/s
27% (202)
27% (202)
I have some attraction but no desire to act
33.4% (250)
33.4% (250)
..I wouldnt mind..if the situation came up
25.5% (191)
25.5% (191)
I am freindzoned :'(
5.1% (38)
5.1% (38)
I have no freinds on the oposite gender
8.8% (66)
8.8% (66)
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Poll: Men and women being freinds

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I'm sad for not being here from the beginning. This topic is really amazing.

Anyway, I have quite a lot of female friends. I feel way more comfortable talking to girls than I do talking to boys, specially when it involves telling secrets and asking for advice.
I usually feel pretty comfortable and secure about my relationship with them. Sometimes, even, we might get curious and do/say things some people would label inappropriate (eg. touching boobs, measuring body parts, seeing each other in their underwear) without any real sexual intent.

My problem, though, is being friends with people who attract me sexually.
I have this thing hardcoded into my mind where I simply cannot stand being friends with girls who makes me sexually attracted, even for the briefest time.
I know at first this sounds like a pretty good policy, but I can't help but feel like I'm constantly missing on great friendship oportunities just because because of this.

I think some people here must lead very, very awkward lives if they're seriously attracted to every 'friend' and every possible 'friend' of their chosen gender(s), which would logically be required to come to the conclusion that there's no such thing as friendships between opposite genders (or the same gender in some cases).

I mean that's a lot of people. And with each everyone of them they're apparently going "DAMN! I want me some piece of that!". That's bound to take up a lot of time... How do those people get anything done at all?

DevilWithaHalo:
Why don't we ask the public?

Seems like a pretty tight case.

Well damn, I sincerely hope anyone I go out with won't feel the same way. If I had to choose between her and every single female friend I've ever made... that just seems like a real shit thing to do to someone. It's basically telling your partner "I am threatened by every friend you have that is the same gender as me and do not trust you in the slightest".

Of course its possible to be friends with someone of the gender you are attracted to. How else are you supposed to become friends with benefits.

rhizhim:

Vault101:

rhizhim:
snip

oh well that proves everything then!/sarcasm

okay, so this thread is about people giving out an opinion and you making fun of it. so like every other "significant" thread.

Opinion is not Chinese for "Immune to Criticism". Some opinions are pretty bad. Like Creationism.

this video backs up an opinion and could be used as evidence to back up an argument.

A really pathetic argument perhaps, because that's a terrible sample size with no apparent regard towards getting a sample that is supposed to be representative of people in general.

and if you are asking yourself about the validity of it, you might as well doubt your easily to manipulate poll.

At least the poll has more people. But even then, go ahead and dismiss both. That still leaves us with people saying it is possible as they are currently friends with people of the opposite sex and have been for years. All it takes to disprove the claim that men and women cannot be friends is a single counterexample.

spartan231490:
I'm not arrogant, I've just been around long enough to know better than to trust anecdotal evidence.

Except your own and people you meet. Because chatting to some 7th grader in person is much more reliable than anyone online.

Dijkstra:

rhizhim:

Vault101:

oh well that proves everything then!/sarcasm

okay, so this thread is about people giving out an opinion and you making fun of it. so like every other "significant" thread.

Opinion is not Chinese for "Immune to Criticism". Some opinions are pretty bad. Like Creationism.

just you wait until i get my medical certificate of my allergy against critisism. then we will see who will laught last!

Dijkstra:

A really pathetic argument perhaps, because that's a terrible sample size with no apparent regard towards getting a sample that is supposed to be representative of people in general.

i would have understood that you would critisize the video since its heavily edited, therefore he could had just taken out the interviews of people who both agreed on a platonic friendship between different genders of the same sexual orientation is possible.

yes, its a terrible sample size, but nonetheless its a sample.
it somewhat backs up the thought that men and women of the same sexual tendencies cant be friend for some people and it proves that most times the other person doesnt know how their friend really feels for them or the thought about having a real platonic relationship is possible or not.

but if we just follow your critizism, we'd only need more samples i.e. more interviews to validate or disprove this.
or at least be able to list a tendency on how many people believe that a true platonic friendship is possible or not.

Dijkstra:

rhizhim:

and if you are asking yourself about the validity of it, you might as well doubt your easily to manipulate poll.

At least the poll has more people. But even then, go ahead and dismiss both. That still leaves us with people saying it is possible as they are currently friends with people of the opposite sex and have been for years.

All it takes to disprove the claim that men and women cannot be friends is a single counterexample.

yes, but to that counter example you can also toss another counter example to disprove the disproval. and all we do is spin in a circle of counter examples.

yes, i can agree on that we need a bigger sample. but also years to study this just to be mildly sure.

also the strongest answer on the poll is currently "I have some attraction but no desire to act "

I have no sexual attraction to my freind/s.....................27.4% (172)
I have some attraction but no desire to act....................33% (207)
..I wouldnt mind..if the situation came up....................25.8% (162)
I am freindzoned :'(........................................ 4.9% (31)
I have no freinds on the oposite gender ..................... 8.9% (56)

so look at that for a while...

Vault101:

rhizhim:

okay, so this thread is about people giving out an opinion and you making fun of it. so like every other "significant" thread.

was that a personal jab or a general one?

we're on the internet -_-

its a general one. its always a general one.

rhizhim:

Dijkstra:

rhizhim:

okay, so this thread is about people giving out an opinion and you making fun of it. so like every other "significant" thread.

Opinion is not Chinese for "Immune to Criticism". Some opinions are pretty bad. Like Creationism.

just you wait until i get my medical certificate of my allergy against critisism. then we will see who will laught last!

Hah.

Dijkstra:

A really pathetic argument perhaps, because that's a terrible sample size with no apparent regard towards getting a sample that is supposed to be representative of people in general.

i would have understood that you would critisize the video since its heavily edited, therefore he could had just taken out the interviews of people who both agreed on a platonic friendship between different genders of the same sexual orientation is possible.

That is one criticism.

yes, its a terrible sample size, but nonetheless its a sample.
it somewhat backs up the thought that men and women of the same sexual tendencies cant be friend for some people and it proves that most times the other person doesnt know how their friend really feels for them or the thought about having a real platonic relationship is possible or not.

It backs all of that up like finding 10 black people backs up the notion that all people are black.

but if we just follow your critizism, we'd only need more samples i.e. more interviews to validate or disprove this.
or at least be able to list a tendency on how many people believe that a true platonic friendship is possible or not.

No, my criticism was not comprehensive. That is just one problem.

Dijkstra:

rhizhim:

and if you are asking yourself about the validity of it, you might as well doubt your easily to manipulate poll.

At least the poll has more people. But even then, go ahead and dismiss both. That still leaves us with people saying it is possible as they are currently friends with people of the opposite sex and have been for years.

All it takes to disprove the claim that men and women cannot be friends is a single counterexample.

yes, but to that counter example you can also toss another counter example to disprove the disproval. and all we do is spin in a circle of counter examples.

No, you can't.

That's like saying that, to take my earlier example, I were to provide a white person and you were to respond with another black one. Doesn't work that way. If someone claims "This is impossible" one counterexample is enough to prove him wrong. Bringing up a case of it not working does not make it go away.

yes, i can agree on that we need a bigger sample. but also years to study this just to be mildly sure.

And?

also the strongest answer on the poll is currently "I have some attraction but no desire to act "

I have no sexual attraction to my freind/s.....................27.4% (172)
I have some attraction but no desire to act....................33% (207)
..I wouldnt mind..if the situation came up....................25.8% (162)
I am freindzoned :'(........................................ 4.9% (31)
I have no freinds on the oposite gender ..................... 8.9% (56)

so look at that for a while...

So? Maybe you have a secret dictionary of all words that says that friends can't ever be attracted to each other, but don't see anywhere else that says it.

And please, use some logic here. Doesn't matter what the biggest answer is. It's not a question of frequency it is a question of whether something is possible. One example is enough to prove it possible and only someone who has no grasp of what's being discussed would think you can trot out a counterexample to that.

Dijkstra:
snip

okay, that is logical.

i should/could had said that i could adjust my example according to your counter example, but that would make no sense since my adjusted argument/example (from all people are black to most people are black) would be a new example and statement on its own. which you could toss a counter argument/example against it.

so i can say that the probability that two friends of different genders with same sexual orientation can enter and maintain a sole platonic friendship is slighly uncommon.

Dijkstra:

rhizhim:

yes, i can agree on that we need a bigger sample. but also years to study this just to be mildly sure.

And?

find out how highly likely or unlikely it is for friends to have a relationship with no sexual interest or attraction in each other.

and if some attraction(sexual) might work as a (or the)driving force to get them to be friends in the first place besides getting to know each other over other friends.

Dijkstra:

rhizhim:

Dijkstra:

Opinion is not Chinese for "Immune to Criticism". Some opinions are pretty bad. Like Creationism.

just you wait until i get my medical certificate of my allergy against critisism. then we will see who will laught last!

Hah.

HAH!

Am bisexual, but the whole 'aren't bisexuals allowed friends then?' bit has been done so I'll leave that.

But can you sustain friendships with people you're attracted to? Good grief of course you can. I tend to fancy any friend I make in the early stages of the friendship, I guess it's me sending the feelers out to figure out if this is a potential romantic relationship or not. Most of the time I decide actually, I'm not into them like that, and I never think about them in that way again.

Sometimes I fall terribly in love with them. And as painful as it is if they don't feel the same way, from my experience so far, our friendship is actually more likely to survive if it's unrequited, because eventually I will move on and it will be water under the bridge, without the kind of mess you get with a break-up. The first person I was ever in love with - and I was crazy about her for a good couple of years - is still one of my best friends, almost ten years later. And I feel nothing romantic (or even sexual, although I still appreciate she's quite pretty) towards her any more.

It's a bit of a weirder kind of thing with my current boyfriend; we were close friends for years before we started dating but I had a boyfriend. We both fancied each other. We both knew we fancied each other. We both knew (well, really thought at the time) we were never gonna hook up. Nevertheless, we had a solid and uncomplicated relationship because, yehknow, there are much more awesome things that come with friendship than the possibility of sex.
He also has several female friends that I know he's fancied at some point or other in his life and this is why I don't mind. If I could think he was hot and hang out alone with him in his bedroom with absolutely no desire to cheat on my boyfriend at the time then I'm pretty sure he can exercise the same kind of self restraint.

I didn't have any attraction, but apparently my now ex did...

I don't really have female friends atm. With ones I had (we either weren't close or she decided to stop talking for me for some crazy reason) I was definitely not attracted to any of them, and I'm sure they weren't attracted to me. So I say men and women can be friends without attraction.
Although I am not an older person, so my opinion may not count.

Having female friends only really worked for me after I started dating my girlfriend. Cause now its clear that I'm not gonna try anything on them and Even if I have some attraction I'm not about to cheat on my girlfriend.

I'm gay, so GG. Although me and my lesbian friend did fake date for a month or two, solely to confuse the heck out of people.

But in all seriousness, there have been many guys, gay and straight, attractive and... Less so, whom I have been great 'just friends' with. In addition to that, the 'just friends' feel was on both sides, so no one was being friendzoned. When people say that men and women can't be just friends, it really seems like they think that men are savage beasts that care only for sex and have no standards whatsoever. Yeah, if they're attracted to each other they won't be 'just friends' but guys aren't attracted to every girl/guy that they come across.

There's no reason men and women can't have a healthy platonic friendship.

Im a guy and most of my friends are women. Fairly attractive I might add, but I have no sexual desires with them. They are my friends and nothing more. I honestly don't know what I would do if one made an advance on me, but most have boyfriends already and I've known them long enough to the extent that they may as well be family. Things like sex only pose a problem in a friendship if you allow it to be a problem, in my opinion anyway.

I've had mostly guy friends all my life (as a girl), and while I have had friendships that turned romantic, I've also had plenty of friendships that remained entirely platonic. Or they were on my end at least...I suppose I can't say for certain what was going on in my friends' minds, but if they had any such hopes, they never acted on them.

Sexual urges happen, but they don't necessarily mean either party wants to be more than friends.

Bottom line: I have female friends. Some of them are attractive, and I have functioning male parts. I also know that none of them are likely attracted to me, and regardless of whether they might be or not (most likely not), I value them as friends more than I value the unlikely possibility for a hook-up, so I would NEVER, EVER try to make a "move" on any of them. The End.

Well, I am bisexual, so I'll take that question to mean "the gender/s you are attracted to" instead of "opposite gender". There are some friends who I wouldn't mind bonking, and others that I don't feel anything sexual for. I have been friendzoned when I was really young, but it hasn't happened since.

(Random Question: There are people who believe you CANNOT have a friendship with the opposite gender - what do these people think bisexuals do? Not have non-sexual friendships?)

So I guess the real question is - how do I answer this poll?
I have no sexual attraction to my friend/s
- 4+ I'm not attracted to.

I have some attraction but no desire to act
- Some attraction but no desire to act with at least 2.

I wouldn't mind..if the situation came up
- 3 I outright love, 2 I'm more than attracted enough to

I am friendzoned :'(
- Friendzoned by at least 2

I have no friends on the opposite gender
- Clear not the case. I'm on the verge of all my close friends being women.

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