Do you expect men to pay for dates?
Yes - Every time
1.6% (11)
1.6% (11)
Yes - Most of the time
1.3% (9)
1.3% (9)
No - I prefer to take turns
7.5% (50)
7.5% (50)
No - I prefer to split the bill
12.1% (81)
12.1% (81)
No - I prefer to pay
0.9% (6)
0.9% (6)
Male - I always pay
21.4% (143)
21.4% (143)
Male - I prefer to split/take turns
53.7% (359)
53.7% (359)
Male - I expect the woman to pay
1.5% (10)
1.5% (10)
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Poll: Women of The Escapist - Do you expect men to pay for dates?

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Subject is more or less in the title. This one is for ladies who go on dates with guys - whether casually or as part of your relationship. Do you expect the guy to pay for the meal/cinema tickets/rowboat rental fee, or do you prefer a different arrangement?

As a bonus question, regardless of what you answered in the poll, who paid for your last three dates?

Guys, feel free to chip on with your ideas on who should pay in your posts, but the poll is for women only.

EDIT: Go on then, guys, have some poll options.

EDIT 2:

Here are the results so far:

85% of women prefer to split the bill or take turns
15% of women expect the man to pay all or most of the time

70% of men prefer to split the bill or take turns
28% of men prefer to pay for the whole meal
2% of men expect the woman to pay

So chances are if you are out on a date and you're not sure what your date prefers, the best bet is to just split the bill.

You should always provide an option for the excluded party on the poll even if it is just token, otherwise quite a few just vote anyway.

As for the issue itself, I fail to see why one side should pay whilst the other shouldn't, unless it is a gift situation or something similar.

Arakasi:
You should always provide an option for the excluded party on the poll even if it is just token, otherwise quite a few just vote anyway.

Done, I added a few options for the blokes.

As a guy, I think it's important to pay. It's just a nice thing to do, especially when you want to express that you want to work hard to earn her trust.

But hey, if some girl wants to "break gender roles" by throwing away $50, you won't see me object.

My BF has paid for me for the last five years. He even pays for everything that has to do with my dog.
However, I will buy lunch or dinner here and there.

I wouldnt mind going dutch, but if the guy feels that he should pay then I would not insist on going dutch.
I prefer to respect the guy's preference than forcing people to pay for me.

I've always paid on the dates I've been on, but I've never really had any of the girls I've been with object to that and say "no no, it's cool, I'll pay", so I don't know how I'd really react.

Personally I prefer to pay just to make the girl feel a little more special. I don't find myself that unattractive, but I know I'm not the handsomest fellow out there, so doing these kinds of things makes me feel better and makes me believe I've got an upper edge against other guys, whether they look better than me or not.

Unfortunately in most cases, I've been wrong. In the current situation, I'm nothing short of right. =P

No, I've always taken turns or split it.
I don't like to feel like someone is trying to buy me.
When I go out with someone, it's something we're doing together, not something they are doing for me, so I pay as well.
The whole idea of `chivalry` isn't something I support, so when certain people get all dramatic and declare it dead, all I can think is; good riddance to bad rubbish.

Pay?

I prefer to cause a distraction while we bolt for the door.

We usually split or take turns. Last date he paid though as it was an early Valentines type deal.

I think the general rule is (from my perspective), if you ask someone out, you should pay (guy or gal). If you're in a relationship and dates are a matter of course then splitting is better. Equality!

I don't expect it, I'd rather just split or take turns. However, if they asked me out and insisted on paying then I would let them, though I feel awful for it, spending all that money on me.

When I was single, I paid. It got me that much closer to sex. Social norms are a bitch.

To me it makes sense to split the bill. Because usually I date guys who have a similar salary to mine (AKA a crap salary) so neither one of us can afford to pay for two people, but we can each just about afford to pay for one person.

I prefer to pay, mostly because I like treating my friends and partly because my boyfriend is broke. I don't like it when people pay for me, and splitting the bill makes me feel uncomfortable. It kind of implies distrust or something. Like "I'm going to pay for my share and only my share, because I don't want you holding the fact that you payed against me, but I also care enough about you to shoulder the full bill".

I payed for the last three dates and every other date before that.

Crenelate:

I think the general rule is (from my perspective), if you ask someone out, you should pay (guy or gal). If you're in a relationship and dates are a matter of course then splitting is better. Equality!

That's my take on it as well. If it's a case where one person asks the other out, then the person doing the asking should also be the one doing the paying. If it's a relationship then I would say that the costs should either be shared or you should take turns.

No, I'm a strong independent black woman who don't need no man.

But seriously guys rarely pay for me. 90% of the time, I've paid for them too.I don't mind although I can't afford it all the time and I don't like being expected to pay for everything like I wouldn't expect them to.
I usually pay my half because I hate people spending money on me, it makes me feel bad. I hate that idea that women always get the man to pay for everything -_- Feck off. I have a job and my own money, I'll pay!

If I'm asking someone out, then yeah it's fair enough that I pay, otherwise you should work out your own thing in the relation ship, or split/take turns, it's only fair. I'm of the belief that a relation ship should be a 50/50 thing, whether that's taking turns on something you can both manage, or balancing things out according to your personal skill sets. Thats fair isn't it? I've never liked the idea that the bloke should be doing everything, and paying for it, and acting to please the gal all the time, things should go both ways.

Funny story though, I was in a restaraunt with my flat mate the other week (her turn to pay) waiter comes and asks if I'd like the bill.

Girl: Ah I'm paying.
Waiter: Oh okay (he looks crestfallen), well here is the bill sir.
Me: That's very nice, but I'm still not paying. :)
*waiter goes and gets the card machine"
Waiter: Here is the card machine sir, if you'd like to insert your card.
Me:....Still not paying.

I think I'd blown his mind, he refused to talk to my friend, even when doing the card machine, he was still talking to me. Like, I don't have the pin number, I'm not paying! He was very friendly, but just seemed totally unable to cope with the concept that a girl was paying.

So far from my experience being the guy, doesn't matter my financial situation I always end up paying the bill when it comes to going out.

I haven't dated (;_______;) but I imagine it will depend on what she wants.

Not sure how to approach it, though. Can the more romantically experienced Escapists help a brother who may be in need... one day?

lacktheknack:
I haven't dated (;_______;) but I imagine it will depend on what she wants.

Not sure how to approach it, though. Can the more romantically experienced Escapists help a brother who may be in need... one day?

image

OT: How do I put this...

I believe the bill should be split for casual dates. For an established relationship, either the bill should be split, the people should take turns paying the bill, or some agreement worked out ahead of time. Nobody should feel obligated to pay for their date's meal/movie ticket/what-have-you.

I always get dates when I'm almost broke. Therefore, I can't really pay. I do ask if it's alright, but women mostly insist on splitting.

Captcha: i know nothing!

Why do I have the sudden feeling that what I said will bite me in the ass?

No i don't expect a guy/my boyfriend to always pay. I prefer to take it in turns. Unless of course it was something that he really really wanted to do which i hated, in which case he can pay for my misery. (joke)

Hmmm as for the bonus question, as far as I can remember I have paid for the last 2 possibly 3 dates. (a steak meal last night and cinema couple times) But that is something im happy to especially as I work full time and he paid for everything when i was out of work.
It works both ways for us, pretty much whoever happens to have more money than the other pays for the dates I guess.
Seems more logical this way.

I've got a steady job and my girlfriend is still in uni. She likes to treat us when she can but I pay about 95% of the time.

I've never been on an actual date, but I've been on plenty of fikas/dinners with friends and unless I'm absolutely broke - I'm a lot poorer than most of my friends - and they insist on paying for me because this was their idea in the first place, then I'm fecking paying for my own fika. Hate letting other's pay for me, although I have no problem paying for others.

Oh and meaning of the word fika.

I try to always just pay for what I eat, so split. There's been a few times when on dates the other party has insisted on paying for me, and to be honest it just makes me feel uncomfortable. I'd rather just pay for myself.

The past few dates I've been on? That was a while ago... but I'm pretty sure I paid for myself, especially since I usually go see a film rather than go out and get a proper meal.

As a man, I'd prefer to split the bill or do swapsies. However, I've found that t majority the time I haven't paid the bill in full it has been met with a pause as if I didn't do something right and, sometimes, that's come back to bite me in the arse. So yes, I pay for everything myself to spare myself the grief.

Hmm. It depends on the situation.

When I still thought I was straight, I pretty much expected guys to pay for me. But then, they offered to take me to dinner. To me, that offer is synonymnous with "I will buy you food". So in those situations, yes I expected my meal to be paid for by the man.

Now that I date women, I used the same rule, but in reverse - if I invited someone on a date, then I saw it as me offering to pay.

That changes a little when you're going steady with someone, then it's more of a turn based thing. Now I'm engaged and we share our money anyway, it doesn't really matter.

Call me old fashioned but I like paying during the first few dates when we're breaking the ice. I'm the one who invited them out, I feel it is proper to foot the bill for it. If we start getting serious and we start a relationship, I'm all for taking turns. I believe that it will always even out in the end; no need to split the bill, we'll take turns paying.

If it's a one-off date, I prefer to split the bill. When in a relationship, I prefer to take turns (because it's easier if one person pays for both meals/tickets/etc. with their credit card, instead of both people trying to work out the right amount of cash).

Angie7F:
My BF has paid for me for the last five years. He even pays for everything that has to do with my dog.
However, I will buy lunch or dinner here and there.

I wouldnt mind going dutch, but if the guy feels that he should pay then I would not insist on going dutch.
I prefer to respect the guy's preference than forcing people to pay for me.

"he pays and I let him because i'm doing him a favor"

lol

At first, I think it dpends on who asked who out.

If you ask out the other person to a nice dinner, you should pay IMO.

I"m a dude and I always paid. But a better question is how much does a guy have to spend before the girl puts out?

I don't know how valid my opinion is on this matter because I consider myself to be an aromantic asexual female (I'm not romantically or sexually attracted to anybody) and my only dates I've had were when I was already in a romantic relationship with someone before college. Generally, I made the effort to cover the bill completely, but occasionally compromised and split the bill. It's very rare when I let the other person cover the cost completely, but that's usually after a lot of protesting and if there is a significant reason that the person wanted to pay.

When I go out to eat with friends, I will sometimes try to pay for their meals if they are really close friends, but I usually just split the bill.

When it's a casual thing I prefer to split the bill or pay myself, I don't like being paid for. Generally men have agreed to split the bill but on the odd occasion they have been fine with me paying. However, in a serious relationship it doesn't cross my mind very much. If my boyfriend is taking me out, he pays, if I'm taking him out, I pay. Most of the time we share the bill.

See, I would prefer to split the bill, but seeing as I know I have a little bit more money than my girlfriend, if we went out for something I would offer to pay.

Taking turns by inviting each other.

It seems to me this whole idea of the man paying for both is from a time when it was unusual for a woman to have the same kind of salary as men. In a time when women were only expected to marry and tend to the house, the man is bound to pay. But times have changed, and so must this. Shouldn't men and women in relationships be able to treat each other equal?

When a guy insists on paying, it can come off as a desperate attempt to buy them over, or making up for some insecurities. When the girl insists on the guy paying for no good reason, all I can think of is that she's taking advantage of him. What do you expect from that kind of relationship?

At least around here, when money and discussions like these come up, things get uncomfortable. This is why we decided to invite each other when an occasion comes up, and the invitor pays. Paying separately isn't bad, but I find this feels less intrusive once you have a fair system running.

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