Poll: Women of The Escapist - Do you expect men to pay for dates?

 Pages PREV 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 NEXT

I always pay for the first one but then we split after that.

I prefer to take turns, or if it's a dinner/movie kind of thing, have one person pay for the movie and one pay for dinner. I wouldn't be comfortable asking the guy to pay for everything all the time.

I expect women to pay as reparations to off-set the previous status quo.

I'm progressive like that.

Whenever I go anywhere I don't say I'm going to pay for food, because in my eyes that's just a recipe to be taken advantage of. However I will pay.

Now, the real question is, what do gay people do?!

As for myself. Being only interested in guys, I don't do dates with females. A few years back when I was still sort of deciding, the expectation was definitely that the guy pays for the date.

It's an interesting status quo.

Rather amusing that the expectations of guys aren't really often touched upon when the topic of gender equality comes up.

For a gay guy like myself, it's kinda amusing the various expectations that are upon males when growing up of how to treat women and how that almost flips when one's sexuality is better understood.

I tend to experience women insisting on paying their way. I always offer, but I don't push it if they refuse. I don't have much patience for people who pretend not to want something they actually want. This is less of an issue in the US, but I often find in Asia people like to play "dueling wallets" where whoever has the higher position expects to treat someone, but the lower-position person is expected to put up a pretense of initially refusing, offering to pay, and then finally giving in. And I can't be bothered to play, so if someone insists on wanting to pay for me or refuses my offer to pay I never press.

Heh, I'm not sure if these recent outings count as dates, but I've found myself in situations where women insist on paying for things like coffee for me and I make up for it when we go to my place...

I have a long-time (6 years) boyfriend and we take turns. The majority of times he wants to pay but if we go someplace fancy, it's always my treat. I don't really like foisting a $70 dinner bill on him, so I'm more than willing to let him pick up the $20s and the $30s if he wants. However, if his paycheck's a little tight and I want to go out, I will pick up the tab no problem. He likes to be a gentlemen and I've never asked him to pay for dinner, though.

I wish my boyfriend would let me pay sometimes, but he insists on paying. I love him dearly but I would really he rather not keep paying for everything.

Male- imo the first date is enough of a nightmare without adding haggling over the bill so i always assume and offer to pay but if they volunteer to go halves i wont argue i know it makes a lot of people uncomfortable.

But as i have had a less than pleasant first 30 years i find myself in a situation were i only click with other far from normal (read damaged fucked up people) and as this means very few first dates lead to a second i try to avoid going to the cinema/meals out and other expensive all night options. i much prefer meeting for a coffee and a danish or walking in the park or something you do early afternoon and after an hour or so its perfectly acceptable to bolt.


I prefer to cause a distraction while we bolt for the door.

End of thread. Right there. That made me laugh harder than it actually should've.

No, I'm a strong independent black woman who don't need no man.

But seriously guys rarely pay for me. 90% of the time, I've paid for them too.I don't mind although I can't afford it all the time and I don't like being expected to pay for everything like I wouldn't expect them to.
I usually pay my half because I hate people spending money on me, it makes me feel bad. I hate that idea that women always get the man to pay for everything -_- Feck off. I have a job and my own money, I'll pay!

Where have you been all my life?!

OT: I usually just let them pay for themselves whenever I go out with somebody, just because it keeps the notion that things are casual. Otherwise it just feels like it creates too much pressure, and it's too traditional, etc. But on the odd occasion when I'm feeling especially gentlemanly, I'll pay for everything.

Personally, my take on it is simple: the person who asked is the person who pays. After the first handful of dates, it is likely you will be comfortable enough with the other person to discuss other payment strategies.

That's actually a pretty good way to measure how much I care.
If I -really- like a girl, I'll pay every time, regardless of if it's a date or not.
If we're just friends then we pay for our part.

My friend lived with me for 6 months. She's one of my oldest/best friends, kinda like a sister, I'm slightly in love with her, and she's the hottest chick I know. I happily paid for pretty much everything for those 6 months and didn't remotely expect anything for it.

The people I care about are pretty much considered extensions of myself, as far as I'm concerned. Spending money on them is just as good as spending money on myself, in my eyes.
If I care enough about someone to bother dating them, then that means I care about them enough to pay for our date.

I mean, if she WANTS to pay and is going to argue the point, I'll let her. It's not like uber important or anything to me - just what I automatically do.

(I'm not made of money or anything. Hell, I'm rarely employed.... But I just don't usually spend much money at all, so whenever I AM employed my bank account just steadily grows and grows and grows, so I kinda end up with money to spend whenever the occasion arises.)

I'm with the other people on the thread who have said if they are the ones asking, they are the ones paying. You are asking someone to be your guest, so you should show the courtesy of paying. I look at it as more of a practical thing than a gender thing, mainly because you do find people who get worked up about what the gesture means and its vast society-shattering implications. (That last bit is sarcasm.) If someone attaches further expectations to paying for a meal or date, then the other person needs to straighten them out right quick. As for me, I married my boyfriend after being together for nearly 10 years, & we took turns. If one of us felt they paid too often, then we discussed it.

My BF has paid for me for the last five years. He even pays for everything that has to do with my dog.
However, I will buy lunch or dinner here and there.

I wouldnt mind going dutch, but if the guy feels that he should pay then I would not insist on going dutch.
I prefer to respect the guy's preference than forcing people to pay for me.

Is it respecting his preferences or is that an excuse for not paying? I'm not really asking, just food for thought.

As a guy, after paying for 5 years it might get a bit old.

The way I see it, you want equal rights? Have equal rights! Don't be picking and choosing the bits you want equal and the bits that work in your favour. If you want free meals, then you can clean the house. Oh, that 60's stereotype is bad but the guy being chilverous is fine?

(did I spell that correctly)

I prefer to take turns, with one person occasionally treating the other on special occasions.

I'm fine with bill-splitting instead of taking turns, but it feels kind of petty doing so on routine casual outings and affordable bills.

i'm a bit oldschool like that insisting that i always pay. back when i was in highschool i actually had to take a second job to support my girlfriend addiction even though half my girlfriends had more cash than me and i pretty much stop dating if i don't have the cash to pay

I'm in a long term relationship, and we've always taken turns. I think generally it's up to whoever asks someone out to pay for the first date, and then alternate back and forth from there, makes the most sense that way. Sometimes if one of us is short on cash, the other will do 2 or 3 in a row, but it evens out in the long run.

Honestly, if I was on the second or third date with a girl and she didn't even offer to pay for at least her half, it would likely be over. I don't like feeling as though I'm being taken advantage of or buying someone's time, and the only way to avoid that would be for her to also pick out some dates and pay for them as well. Splitting is fine and dandy too, but I think it feels more like friends than a couple in those cases. Much prefer just taking turns.

I try to avoid relationships with people who can't support themselves, if a woman expects me to pay for her, she will be sadly mistaken, I don't support someone if they are able bodied and capable of supporting themselves, doesn't mean I don't take a bill now and again as a nice suprise, but usually that's because it becomes a split, but every now and again we take turns paying for the whole thing to be nice kinda thing, I'm not going to be anyone's spare wallet, and I'd rather not allow for certain... expectations, or habits to form based around money, if you pay all the time, and then don't you're an asshole, if you pay all the time, you come off as trying to buy love, you end up broke, being used, and having a woman who eventually goes looking for a guy with more spine, I've seen it dozens of times with friends of mine who act in what they think is a "gentlemanly" fassion, and pay for shit all the time... I've never had that problem, because I caught on to that pattern before it ever could become something I did.

Not like I'm dating right now, I mean, I'm broke/in debt, working unpredictable hours, am out of shape, living in someone elses house(where there's no couch or anything, shit is barebones, only furniture I have access to is a rather weak framed bed, and an end table, which is how I'm typing this, sitting on the bed, monitor on the end table, keyboard on my lap...), so yeah, I'm not in a "can support myself proficiently" state, therefor don't expect to be much fun for anyone else, oh and herpes, every time I get close to a woman she runs for the hills, after the last 12, I think I'm pretty well guaranteed to spend the rest of my days with a cold bed, and a distinct lack of sexytimes.

Bisexual girl here, all of my official dates have been with other girls and we've always split the bill. When out with my best friend we swap though I tend to pay for food, since he got engaged his fiancee tends to pay for him when we are out all three together.
As a rule people split the bill around here and occasionally swaps with friends and serious dates. But honestly if you invite someone to something special, you pay as it's a gift.

I tend to treat people the same regardless of gender, socially, on dates, sexually etc. If they don't like it then they're probably not my type. Reminds me that I should get a new boytoy since my best friend got engaged to a girl that don't like sharing. I would certainly not mind a serious girlfriend either, but I'm not sure where to look. :P


Well, I'm a recluse. My last partner and I were together for three years and never went on a date.

Hypothetically, I would take enough money to cover everything and let her do as she pleases. Pay or don't pay. I don't care. Taking enough to cover everything means I don't have to stress about it, or dread it at the time. Even better, it allows me to solve the issue without a conversation. Whatever happens, the bill gets paid and we get out. Done. Over. Whew. Same time next year? Great, yeah... I hope you forget.

Actually never mind, I'm not going. Dota 2 proleague is on and my COURIER WILL ONLY EVOLVE LIKE POKEMANS IF I WATCH IT LIVE YOU UNDERSTAND I'M SURE.

If it's a one off I think the one who did the asking should be paying. Although men tend to do the paying as a chivalrous sort of gesture more often than not. In a relationship situation you should take turns, but that involves remembering who paid last time. Rock paper scissors is the other fool proof method if you forget who paid last time, though you look a bit odd in a posh restaurant doing that.

In my own relationship it depends who has the cash on hand at the time. If neither of us does then he tends to pay, simply because he earns more than I do, and it's usually his idea. Sometimes I'll pay, but it's all pretty much irrelevant since we live together and therefore whoever pays, it is still coming out of a shared pot of cash.

Me and my boyfriend take turns. Sometimes for instance I'll pay for dinner and he'll pay for the movie, or I'll pay for both and he'll pay next time. We don't really see this kind of thing as a big deal since we've been together such a long time.

When we first started dating I always offered to pay but he didn't accept it.


"he pays and I let him because i'm doing him a favor"


Well, would you still feel the same way if you were a girl and were dating Hugh Hefner/ Donald Trump/ Richard Branson ?

Of course the girl should not take it for granted or not be grateful, but sometimes it is just more polite to let them treat you to things the way they want to.

If my BF was someone barely scraping by for himself, and does not mind me taking him out to a local restaurant and lets me pay for it, then sure, I am more than willing to pay or go even. (Notice, I stopped using "Going Dutch". LOL)
But if he insists to go to a top notch place with a couple of extra zeros on every price tag, then sometimes you just have to oblige to letting them pay for you all the time.




And if that's sexist, than I'm afraid that I just don't give a fuck.

Then don't. But be aware you're a part of the anti-feminist idea that men and women should not be treated equally.
And that not all people view that kind of behaviour as a 'nice gesture'.

Oh, I will. If anti-feminist means being nice to girls because they're girls and would like to be to be treated nicely, than I'm anti-feminist all the way. I'll flaunt that standard until the end of fucking time.

And the next time when anti-feminist people go 'Yeah, women only want equality when it benefits them!', I will point at you and say: "Men like that are a big part of the problem."


I don't know.. to each his own, but I know a lot of cases where a woman will be turned off if a man does not at least offer to pay first.

It's a cultural thing. Where I come from, not treating the woman as an equal tends to be a turn-off. Also some women might feel awkward because they think they're obligated to do something back. How often do you hear complaints like 'I bought all this stuff for this girl and yet she doesn't have sex with me! She's a bitch! I've been friendzoned!'

i think both shoudl pay for what they ordered. they are not married, therefore their finances are not joined. feeding a girl and paying is same as buying her drinks in hopes she gets drunk enough for sex. your essentially buying a prostitute at best and barracuda at worst.

As a guy, I think it's important to pay. It's just a nice thing to do, especially when you want to express that you want to work hard to earn her trust.

But hey, if some girl wants to "break gender roles" by throwing away $50, you won't see me object.

throwing money into a girl is not "expressing you work hard" its buying a prostitute.

Eclectic Dreck:
Personally, my take on it is simple: the person who asked is the person who pays. After the first handful of dates, it is likely you will be comfortable enough with the other person to discuss other payment strategies.

"do you want to go grab sonme food?" =/= "Do you want me to buy you food?"
asking on a date is NOT a promise to buy stuff. that is STUPID social construct.


Sorry guys, it's biology. We don't need to give birth, but it's our duty to provide for and protect.

no its not. there is no "duty" in biology.

I don't know.. to each his own, but I know a lot of cases where a woman will be turned off if a man does not at least offer to pay first.

Thats fine, we dont need them freeloaders who attract stupid men just because random gene generator allowed them the outside looks that are in fashion.

I wouldn't expect a guy to pay for me. I think casual dates should always be split. I'd feel a little awkward being paid for. Though if someone kept insisting, I'd let them pay.

I'm a guy, and I always pay. Not because I feel that I HAVE to pay BECAUSE I'm male, but because it's just the nice thing to do.

If they offer to pay though, I let 'em. Don't really care either way, frankly.

Equal split, you pay for what you ordered.

I think it's just common politeness to split the bill when eating with anyone, or at least say "I owe you one".

Then again, I was invited to lunch with a girl a little while back, simply because she felt like going somewhere, and didn't want to go alone, not really a date or anything. We did ask other people, but they didn't come. She's one of those people who's always utterly insistant on paying, though. I practically had to force the idea of me paying for at least dessert, and I still say I owe her.

I don't really do the "date" thing. It's just hanging out far as I'm concerned.

I think the best scenario is to split the bill in any case.

Subject is more or less in the title. This one is for ladies who go on dates with guys - whether casually or as part of your relationship. Do you expect the guy to pay for the meal/cinema tickets/rowboat rental fee, or do you prefer a different arrangement?

As a bonus question, regardless of what you answered in the poll, who paid for your last three dates?

Guys, feel free to chip on with your ideas on who should pay in your posts, but the poll is for women only.

EDIT: Go on then, guys, have some poll options.

I always go prepared to pay for myself. If he offers then I'll usually accept, and if he doesn't I won't really be offended. But that's mostly just for the purposes of flirting--once the relationship is established, I like to have it split down the middle.

i pay when ever i am out with a lady (and guy for that matter but that's just because my friends are cheap bastards)
they (The date, not the mate) usually never reach for the bill exactly. some have argue a little about splitting the bill before end up paying everything anyway. those are the once who have been long term by the way so the myth of 'women reaching for the check are keepers' are true.

I like it if the guy pays for the first couple of dates but after that I like taking turns otherwise I'll feel greedy. In my past relationship I almost always paid, and even though I knew it wasn't true, I still felt like I was being used and I wouldn't want to make anyone feel like that. I don't like the idea of splitting the bill, then it doesn't really seem like a date to me.

 Pages PREV 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 NEXT

Reply to Thread

This thread is locked