I think I'm about to be dumped.

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Zero=Interrupt:
Dump her first. You sound really, really emotionally invested, and it'll be really, really hard, but you MUST dump her first. Otherwise, your self confidence is going to be shot and your ego will be in the crapper for months. She's going after this friend of hers who's suddenly free, and throwing you away like an old rag. That should tell you the depths of her sentimentality, chief. Think of yourself, because she doesn't give a shit. Not any more.

She'll want to stay friends. Women say this to salve their ego, to reassure themselves they aren't the bad one for rejecting you. News flash, they are. Rejecting another human being has to be done sometimes, but it's a tremendous asshole act and no one, NO ONE feels good for doing it. You have to for your own emotional and mental health. Do it first, do it fast. Doesn't have to be in person, but should be. Dump her, unfriend her on Facebook, and lose her number. Do it all quickly, rapid-fire, like ripping a piece of tape out of your leg hair.

Now, get out there and dump her.

Do not follow this advice.

Hold on, no one said anything about her going after the other guy.

You can't just dump her by text so she doesn't do it first, how old are you? I hope the OP would have more respect for someone he's spent 4 years of his life with.

You sound like your projecting.

If I were you, I wouldn't make any decisions before you have a discussion with her. The difference in age seems somewhat worrisome, as you're not quite in the same stages of life. Perhaps you're ready to settle down and she isn't yet.

Also, if I may say so, your relationship sounds a little too... I don't even know if I can come up with the right word. Conflict-less? Sometimes you need the conflict, it can't always be rainbows and sunshine or the rainbows and sunshine lose their appeal. Sometimes arguments, even heated arguments, are helpful for clearing out the bad air and rekindling some passion. Remember, love and hate are the same emotion just turned on it's head. You need to be emotionally invested in a person to hate them. Apathy is what kills a relationship. If everything is always smooth sailing, you begin to take things for granted and, well, become apathetic about it.

All I'm saying is if she feels like she's drifting maybe she's feeling a lack of investment from one or both of you. It's hard to speculate when you don't know how she's truly feeling, and since you don't know neither can we. If this is a relationship you don't want to lose, ask her if there's anything you can do to make the relationship stronger. Don't do anything that you'd feel uncomfortable doing, but sometimes merely making a change and mixing things up can help.

And if this is the end, for the love of all that's sacred, do make an end of it. Make sure you have all of your own belongings that you're not willing to part with when you leave, then block her number, block her family's numbers. Remove her from facebook, cut her out of your life. I can't tell you how many times I've seen people fall into huge funks, myself included, because they are clinging to the remnants of dead relationship. Don't do that to yourself. She'll need to be out of your life for you to heal. After the healing process, well, that's up to you.

Whatever the outcome, I wish you the best, and remind you that this too shall pass. Life moves on, and if she isn't the right one for you that just means you haven't identified the right one yet. Look to this not as a game over but the start of a new game +.

Zero=Interrupt:
She's going after this friend of hers who's suddenly free, and throwing you away like an old rag. That should tell you the depths of her sentimentality, chief. Think of yourself, because she doesn't give a shit.

Read the OP's post again. It says that she spoke to a friend who recently came out of a long-term relationship and he's worried that this might have led her to reconsider her own long-term relationship. The accusation of her going after other men is entirely your own imagining.

She'll want to stay friends. Women say this to salve their ego, to reassure themselves they aren't the bad one for rejecting you. News flash, they are. Rejecting another human being has to be done sometimes, but it's a tremendous asshole act and no one, NO ONE feels good for doing it. You have to for your own emotional and mental health. Do it first, do it fast. Doesn't have to be in person, but should be. Dump her, unfriend her on Facebook, and lose her number. Do it all quickly, rapid-fire, like ripping a piece of tape out of your leg hair.

Now, get out there and dump her.

Ignoring the "women do this" generalisations for the sake of not derailing the thread, this seems like pretty bad advice. I guess I could get behind the idea of dumping her first to save her the trouble of having to do it, but immediately unfriending her and deleting her number is an asshole thing to do. It is very possible to be friends with someone after breaking up with them. A break period during the few months immediately after the breakup is probably healthy, but cutting the other person out of your life entirely is just petty and cruel.

Zero=Interrupt:
She'll want to stay friends. Women say this to salve their ego, to reassure themselves they aren't the bad one for rejecting you. News flash, they are. Rejecting another human being has to be done sometimes, but it's a tremendous asshole act and no one, NO ONE feels good for doing it. You have to for your own emotional and mental health. Do it first, do it fast. Doesn't have to be in person, but should be. Dump her, unfriend her on Facebook, and lose her number. Do it all quickly, rapid-fire, like ripping a piece of tape out of your leg hair.

I really wish people wouldn't use absolutes when talking about relationships. Sometimes you can remain friends. Hell, when I broke up with my first boyfriend, he was the one who said to me he hopes we can stay friends. And we have. Of course we weren't quite as invested as the OP was, but advice like this isn't helpful. Because first of all, a relationship not working out doesn't automatically make anyone involved a "bad person." If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. People change, and sometimes those changes affect the chemistry of your relationship. And that's fine. That's normal, that's how people work.

I will not believe that you honestly think it is worse for someone to break off a relationship than it is to stay in the relationship even though they aren't happy with it. That isn't just immature or irrational, that's insane. If you go into a relationship thinking it has to work and that things will never, ever, EVER change and that if the person does change or it just doesn't work that automatically makes the other person an asshole, then you are nothing but a controlling asshole yourself. Yeah, sometimes relationships don't work out. And that separation hurts. But that on its own doesn't make the other person an asshole. Though you can very easily become an asshole by taking out your frustration on the other person by projecting all of your pain and hate and contempt onto them, turning them into a fictitious bugbear you can use as your punching bag, because it's easier to hate something that's fake than it is to deal with pain that is real.

Can people be assholes about breaking off relationships? Yes. But your claim here that by the very act of breaking up a person is made an asshole is absolutely ridiculous.

Maybe things became to routine. It happens after a long relationship. I dont know what to advise to give, talk to her, find out whats wrong. Could be that the spark has gone? Again, something that happens in long relationships, you know her well, as she does you. It becomes difficult to surprise her. To shock her. To wow her.

Depending how you feel about your relationship, either accept its over, or if its not then speak to her. Take her somewhere, can be a coffee place, and just ask her whats up. If its something you can change or if you got complacent then yes. You can change that. Either way, if its over, then accept it and move on. Atleast she is telling you now and not living a lie. An if it is over, you will be happier in the long run because it is better to be in a relationship with love, than being with a person with the pretense of love. But you need to talk to her first, because that way the issue is dealt with and you can end things knowing that you did what you could and things can end in a platonic way.

There comes a time in relationships where after a certain point you get really comfortable with each other. This is not necessarily a bad thing, if you're comfortable you aren't likely to move on to anything else, but the problem lies in that same sense of comfortable. A comfortable person has no need to work at anything, other than just to maintain that level of comfort be it in a relationship or a job, etc. I think, purely my own opinion from what I'm reading, is that your girlfriend is feeling that sense of comfort as stagnation. She might be feeling that you're not trying anymore in some way or that your relationship isn't going anywhere because you're both comfortable with it.

YOU CAN FIX THIS.

Don't give up on her man, if you want her, seduce her again, take her back to square one and be the guy she felt excited to be with in the beginning. Date her like it's the first time like you don't have all that history; shake up your lives a bit. Draw her attention back to you, do whatever it takes to be the guy she fell in love with. Passion passion passion!

Save your relationship, do not go quietly into the night and for all that is holy do not let her go off into the night without you!

But if it doesn't work out and she does leave...you will KNOW that you tried everything you could.

Good luck brother.

I know this isn't always true, but it seems to be more common with ages gaps like that with people. At least with a few people I know real well, who can't help but always find guys/gals roughly 5-7 years above them, I'm 25 so they're about the same as me. It can be a level of maturity thing, you're close a full blown adult, she's still a young adult so it may be some growing pains in that regard.

All I can say is, lay your cards on the table as direct as possible, tell her how you feel and how you would like things to go, see if she has a similar view, if not then go your separate ways.

Matters of the heart are never easy to solve, I truly wish you all the best.

Squilookle:
TL:DR Has anyone, especially guys, had this sense of 'about to break up' doom too? And is there any way to prepare for it or make it easier?

Yes, I have.

No, there really isn't. You will continue to tell yourself there's a chance right up until there isn't.

Odds are 95/5 a break-up is imminent. The language she is using sounds very deliberate, and I rather suspect she has already decided to leave and is laying the groundwork for the eventual breakup. You can certainly attempt the grand gesture if you wish, but it seldom ever works, and it has the unfortunate possibility of making her feel guilty enough to hang around a while longer when she really doesn't want to.

As others have suggested you can "lay your cards on the table" if you want to get the speculation over with, but be aware the most likely result of that conversation is a confirmation of your fears.

If you do get broken up with, my advice is to be the bigger man. Attempt to curb any dramatics or resentment. Whatever small possibility there is of reconciliation after a break-up will be quickly destroyed by either. If she wants to stay friends, keep an open mind. I've stayed friends with many of my exes, and one in particular is like a sister to me. It's not necessarily something you can manage with grace while you're still hurting, but don't burn your bridges.

And...you know. I'm sorry that this is happening. I know that feel, bro. We have all been there at one time or another. You'll be okay.

kypsilon:
There comes a time in relationships where after a certain point you get really comfortable with each other. This is not necessarily a bad thing, if you're comfortable you aren't likely to move on to anything else, but the problem lies in that same sense of comfortable. A comfortable person has no need to work at anything, other than just to maintain that level of comfort be it in a relationship or a job, etc. I think, purely my own opinion from what I'm reading, is that your girlfriend is feeling that sense of comfort as stagnation. She might be feeling that you're not trying anymore in some way or that your relationship isn't going anywhere because you're both comfortable with it.

YOU CAN FIX THIS.

Don't give up on her man, if you want her, seduce her again, take her back to square one and be the guy she felt excited to be with in the beginning. Date her like it's the first time like you don't have all that history; shake up your lives a bit. Draw her attention back to you, do whatever it takes to be the guy she fell in love with. Passion passion passion!

Save your relationship, do not go quietly into the night and for all that is holy do not let her go off into the night without you!

But if it doesn't work out and she does leave...you will KNOW that you tried everything you could.

Good luck brother.

This thread is going to be chock full of conflicting advice.

I would strongly suggest not doing what Kypsilion said. Don't try to force yourself to become the guy she wants to keep the relationship going. That is not something you can (or want to) keep up for you entire life, and at best it will just push this back until you can't handle being that person anymore. You're in a long term relationship, what you're looking for is someone who likes you for yourself, and who you like for themselves. If she feels like the relationship isn't going to continue to work for her, no amount of courtship is going to change that. And as much as I hate to say it, this sounds very much like that might be the case. I've been in her position before, and most of what she said is exactly what I would have said.

It is going to suck, but you need to pull yourself through it. Surround yourself with friends and try to keep moving on with your life. Be strong, and know that this is probably going to be very hard for her too. I have to echo a bunch the people who're saying don't beg or threaten to hurt yourself. If you do either of those and they work you'll be stuck in a relationship based on guilt.

As little as internet sympathy matters, I'm sorry that this is happening to you. Whatever may come of it, there's nothing you can do right now, keep that in mind and just try to relax as much as you can

Been there man. The drifting away thing is kind of their way to let you down gently. Doesn't work, usually makes you panic and act even more irrational and needy because you feel you need to prove it wrong. Any grand gestures look lame. I think if I had any advice to my past self it would actually to be to ignore the romantic side and target her sex drive.

I know. It sounds retarded as a badger on roller skates (I even think I sound stupid) but seriously, hear me out.

If you know what her dirtiest filthiest fantasy, do it. And I mean WHATEVER it is.

Sounds nuts but it may just be she misses the intense carnality of first meeting. Romance stuff is good for reminding a person why they love you. Dynamic, intense, exciting sex reminds them why they WANT you.

Worth a shot...

Squilookle:

snip

Breaking up always sucks, but just hang in there. Remember that you are still a complete and healthy person even on your own. Long term relationships get so tangled in breakups because you've been with this one person with whom you've shared everything for a long time, and it's tough sometimes to separate who you are at your core from the person you've become with her.

The healing process takes time, often several months, before you can even think of talking to that person again without picking the emotional scab. I know it's tough, but it's for the good of both of you. (also, don't get stuck in a rebound)

If you can manage it, be rational, calm, and understanding. Remember, she's been with you and only you since she was 18 or so, and she might need some time to get her own bearings on herself, her direction in life, and to figure out who she is.
Teenage years are when we figure out our identity and that sort of stuff mentioned above, so if you've spend your entire adult life planning around one person it's easy to lose track of who you are.

Try not to blame her, try not to grovel and beg, and most importantly, don't blame yourself. It doesn't sound like there's anything you can do to change her mind, and if there were, it might not be fair to her.

Your life isn't ending, you're just starting a new chapter. It's still your story.

Squilookle:

*SNIP*

TL:DR Has anyone, especially guys, had this sense of 'about to break up' doom too? And is there any way to prepare for it or make it easier?

On Saturday my girlfriend called me cause she missed me due to not having seen me since Thursday. Yesterday, around 9pm, she broke it off without stating a reason. There was a brief moment of impending doom, I just had the feeling things were fucked as we sat watching a film.

How do you make it easier?

You don't. You can't. It is hard, it will always be hard. Just grab some friends after the event, go for a few beers and chill out.

Reminds me of one of my favourite quotes.

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."

― Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones

Huh... This exact scenario happened to me last night. Worded a little differently, but yeah. Heh... She ended up rescuing a kitten about a month ago, however she can't take it with her to her new place, so I'm stuck with it. Its not that I don't like the little pest, it's more I was the one saying "Probably should wait for us to be sure we're not going anywhere first" etc etc.
Ah well.
This thread is proving quite useful for me too, and probably for other lurking people who are in the dying flails of a relationship.

My two cents is don't do anything aggressive, passive aggressive, or generally angry. It may make you feel better for a day or two, but after that you're going to feel even worse. Go and hang with your friends, play some games, watch some Family Guy or something else nonsensical and try not to think about it. In a while, you'll wake up and be all like "Huh. I don't miss her anymore."

But yeah. It sucks bro.

Calibanbutcher:

Squilookle:
After nearly four years of what I thought was a loving, caring and genuinely happy relationship, my girlfriend said 3 days ago that she loves me, but she doesn't know if she's in love with me.

Wow.

She tells me, somewhat out of the blue, that lately she's been feeling like she's drifing away from me, that our relationship seems based on convenience, and that it isn't going anywhere.

The thing is though, that as far as relationships go, we've had it pretty good: we see each other often, get on well with each others' families, we're openly affectionate with each other (in public, after nearly 4 years!!), have sex frequently, and hardly ever fight. And when we do fight, we listen to and respect each other's point of view.

She tells me she's had phases of doubt in the past that have dissapated, but this one is more solid.

A few weeks ago she was chatting casually to her boss about us, when he abruptly told her it wouldn't last. She's also been catching up with a friend of hers more recently, and he's just come out of a long, stable relationship. I'm worried that she's hearing so many tales of woe about other's relationships that she thinks the same must apply to us, and I'm scared. I'm really, really scared.

I asked her if I had (or hadn't) done anything to make her feel this way and she said no. I told her to think about it, and now I'm going over to her place tomorrow, and I just can't shake this feeling of impending doom.

TL:DR Has anyone, especially guys, had this sense of 'about to break up' doom too? And is there any way to prepare for it or make it easier?

To make it easier:
Approach her upfront and talk to her:
"[ Insert "this is how I feel about you ]",
"[ This is how I view our relationship ] ",
"[This is what I think about a future with you ]"
"Do you want to break up?"

No excuses, no BS, just be direct and for fuck's sake, be honest.

I find this to be much easier than waiting for her to make up her mind.

Aaaaand we have a winner. Do this, keep calm and don't start blaming her. Seriously, don't. My friend was in the same situation as you but his gf didn't have the decency to tell him her doubts about the relationship. She immediately fucked his co-worker at uni and came out with it AFTER he found about it... TWICE (he took her back because he's a sucker like that :/). People change. Feelings change. If she has the decency to give you a heads up, give her the decency of accepting her choice whatever it may be. Even if it hurts. Especially because it hurts. It's not easier on her even if it seems like it right now.

Also, post break up regimen: Pick up something that busies the brain from contemplating too much on that shit at first. Running, swimming, bodybuilding and other high intensity sports that don't require much human interaction are perfect, especially if you're like me and tend to eat like an idiot after a break up. Alternatively, mind-numbing busywork but that doesn't have the benefit of burning the extra calories.

Squilookle:
After nearly four years of what I thought was a loving, caring and genuinely happy relationship, my girlfriend said 3 days ago that she loves me, but she doesn't know if she's in love with me.

Wow.

She tells me, somewhat out of the blue, that lately she's been feeling like she's drifing away from me, that our relationship seems based on convenience, and that it isn't going anywhere.

The thing is though, that as far as relationships go, we've had it pretty good: we see each other often, get on well with each others' families, we're openly affectionate with each other (in public, after nearly 4 years!!), have sex frequently, and hardly ever fight. And when we do fight, we listen to and respect each other's point of view.

She tells me she's had phases of doubt in the past that have dissapated, but this one is more solid.

A few weeks ago she was chatting casually to her boss about us, when he abruptly told her it wouldn't last. She's also been catching up with a friend of hers more recently, and he's just come out of a long, stable relationship. I'm worried that she's hearing so many tales of woe about other's relationships that she thinks the same must apply to us, and I'm scared. I'm really, really scared.

I asked her if I had (or hadn't) done anything to make her feel this way and she said no. I told her to think about it, and now I'm going over to her place tomorrow, and I just can't shake this feeling of impending doom.

TL:DR Has anyone, especially guys, had this sense of 'about to break up' doom too? And is there any way to prepare for it or make it easier?

Just get back in there.

She falls out of love with you? No problem. She can re-fall in love with you. Do stuff with her like she's a new girlfriend. Go to the cinema, draw pictures together, have a picnic, talk about your zany childhood dreams. Whatever you feel is good.

Re-dating her has the benefit of no doubts. You know that you'll be dating a person worth staying for with 4 years. The same applies for her, she stayed with you for a reason.

Engage with her and be a light in her life, she'll do the same. Encourage her to do things with and without you. She has a hobby? Do it with her. She has another? Plan a day for her to it with you on the other side of the planet.

Relationships can't have the two people stuck at the waist forever. You need to regularly have days where the two of you don't see each other for days. When the two of you re-meet any little symbol of affection will remind the two of you, "Woah! Now that's why I'm with her/him".

How emotional are the two of you (not sex)? Do you ever casually tell her how you feel? And not narrate like some wild-life documentary, I mean bring to life through tone and body language; passionately reveal the ebb and flow of your heart and emotions(because you can't effectively convey your feelings through mono-tone words and sentences). Can she do the same? Can she let her feelings put words in her mouth to speak?

It seems you've been together in such a way she got used to being in a relationship and forgot how to feel the feelings they evoke. Don't let that be happen.

Though you and she are only a few years apart in age, she's just now getting to that point in life when you're really starting to figure out who you are as a person and an adult. She started dating you when she was quite young, and it's likely she's changed somewhat over the past four years. Not in a bad way, of course, just in the way we all do as we move from being a teenager to being an adult. It's normal for her to be questioning pretty much everything in her life, including what she wants out of a romantic relationship.

There are lots of possibilities here - she might simply be wondering what else is out there, she may genuinely not want to spend the rest of her life with you - and as many others have mentioned, being honest and open about how you feel and where you see things going is the best approach. Above all, be patient and respectful.

Well... I would consider to dump you too. You are 5 years older but (judging only by your posts in this thread) sound immature, insecure and scared.

Honestly your best bet is to do what dear Susan said, honesty, openess, be a good BF (as I hope you have always tried to), don't pressure her; she also offers a VERY good insight of your GF possible situation. I would however said that above all if she breaks up, just take it like a man, you will be more mature thanks to it.

Damn man, I wish I had Susan to give that kind of neat advice when younger -.-''

Sorry if i do sound a bit harsh, and sorry if you 2 do break up, but at least she's honest with you. My last ex screwed me over by cheating on me. That hurts alot more then talking about it.

Squilookle:
After nearly four years of what I thought was a loving, caring and genuinely happy relationship, my girlfriend said 3 days ago that she loves me, but she doesn't know if she's in love with me.

My question would be, what the flying fuck is the difference?

canadamus_prime:

Squilookle:
After nearly four years of what I thought was a loving, caring and genuinely happy relationship, my girlfriend said 3 days ago that she loves me, but she doesn't know if she's in love with me.

My question would be, what the flying fuck is the difference?

You can love a person as a (best) friend, how weird it may sound.

0takuMetalhead:

canadamus_prime:

Squilookle:
After nearly four years of what I thought was a loving, caring and genuinely happy relationship, my girlfriend said 3 days ago that she loves me, but she doesn't know if she's in love with me.

My question would be, what the flying fuck is the difference?

You can love a person as a (best) friend, how weird it may sound.

I'd say it's the stupidity of the English language.

We assign one word, "love", to encompass an incredibly broad and unique range of emotions, that really aren't the same thing when you think about it.

Love for a friend is completely different to the Love for a Parent/Sibling/Child/Partner.

That is sincerely scary .. I have a girlfriend who's been so perfect, wonderful, loving, and everything to me along with never fighting that the thought of her wanting to break up tears me inside. Then again, I (luckily) have not came to any situation where she was considering breaking up with me..

However, if you would like to talk or need anything please hit me up. I'd be more then happy to advise you on what to do if you wish to listen. Otherwise I can listen to you and chat, like good neighbors since we both live on this planet.

As for how she's doing... well, what would her boss say that? Seems pretty foul to just tell someone that a good relationship is bound to end for whatever reason, and your girlfriend shouldn't let all these stories make her doubt your relationship with her. If it 'does' end, what will she get out of the next relationship? I doubt anything close to being as good, romantic, or just solid as this one. Also if it seems to be growing distant, I would suggest you may want to sit down with her and talk. No pressure, but notify her that you really want to make the best of this relationship and to see what she wants. Perhaps less dates and more saved up vacation times, or less presents and more planning to surprise her with poems event. Depends on how she's like.

Dammit Susan my girlfriend and I are 21 (just about) and she's almost graduated college, don't tell me she'll start thinking differently >.<

OT: Yes, I've felt the 'Breakup Dread' many times. In fact, I became so paranoid about my ex that every gut feeling I had about her falling for another guy was right...I always listen to my gut now. My suggestion? Be straight with her, be honest, be the bigger man, and don't go all crazy like me and send death threats to the guy she cheated on you with while really drunk >.>...Ehm, ignore that last part, I doubt she cheated.
Humour helps if you do break up, always try to laugh.
Oh, and you might wanna stock up on Ice Cream, that also helps. When I left my ex due to earlier reasons, one of my best friends got me a pair of pajama pants, we both got a tub of good ice cream, and sat down watching Disney movies like typical teenage girls.
We're 20 year old straight males.

canadamus_prime:

Squilookle:
After nearly four years of what I thought was a loving, caring and genuinely happy relationship, my girlfriend said 3 days ago that she loves me, but she doesn't know if she's in love with me.

My question would be, what the flying fuck is the difference?

Well, I've gotten that line, but she then stated that she 'loves me like a brother'...so maybe something like that?

0takuMetalhead:

canadamus_prime:

Squilookle:
After nearly four years of what I thought was a loving, caring and genuinely happy relationship, my girlfriend said 3 days ago that she loves me, but she doesn't know if she's in love with me.

My question would be, what the flying fuck is the difference?

You can love a person as a (best) friend, how weird it may sound.

Maybe, but I wouldn't tell my best friend that I love them. I only ever use the 'L' word on family members and the significant other that I don't have.

Squilookle:
After nearly four years of what I thought was a loving, caring and genuinely happy relationship, my girlfriend said 3 days ago that she loves me, but she doesn't know if she's in love with me.

Wow.

She tells me, somewhat out of the blue, that lately she's been feeling like she's drifing away from me, that our relationship seems based on convenience, and that it isn't going anywhere.

The thing is though, that as far as relationships go, we've had it pretty good: we see each other often, get on well with each others' families, we're openly affectionate with each other (in public, after nearly 4 years!!), have sex frequently, and hardly ever fight. And when we do fight, we listen to and respect each other's point of view.

She tells me she's had phases of doubt in the past that have dissapated, but this one is more solid.

A few weeks ago she was chatting casually to her boss about us, when he abruptly told her it wouldn't last. She's also been catching up with a friend of hers more recently, and he's just come out of a long, stable relationship. I'm worried that she's hearing so many tales of woe about other's relationships that she thinks the same must apply to us, and I'm scared. I'm really, really scared.

I asked her if I had (or hadn't) done anything to make her feel this way and she said no. I told her to think about it, and now I'm going over to her place tomorrow, and I just can't shake this feeling of impending doom.

TL:DR Has anyone, especially guys, had this sense of 'about to break up' doom too? And is there any way to prepare for it or make it easier?

If you want to prepare for it then stop thinking about it. If you're afraid your relationship is over then it's going to be. You have to remember people are always going to see what they want to see! So if you're looking at your relationship like it's the end of it, then things will likely hit you that way.

If you want to keep it going then don't stop fighting for it! I know it's easier said than done and it is generally weak advice. Just don't let your outlook tint your world :( Especially when it comes to love!

But if you are really sure it's over, then give yourself a big heartbreak. Let yourself really feel that pain, and let it really sink in. It's the only way you can grow past the feelings you'll miss. YOU GOTTA EAT DA' PAST OR IT WILL EAT YOU!

Hope everything comes out in the best for you :(

JemothSkarii:

canadamus_prime:

Squilookle:
After nearly four years of what I thought was a loving, caring and genuinely happy relationship, my girlfriend said 3 days ago that she loves me, but she doesn't know if she's in love with me.

My question would be, what the flying fuck is the difference?

Well, I've gotten that line, but she then stated that she 'loves me like a brother'...so maybe something like that?

Well I suppose that makes slightly more sense.

Squilookle:
After nearly four years of what I thought was a loving, caring and genuinely happy relationship, my girlfriend said 3 days ago that she loves me, but she doesn't know if she's in love with me.

Wow.

She tells me, somewhat out of the blue, that lately she's been feeling like she's drifing away from me, that our relationship seems based on convenience, and that it isn't going anywhere.

The thing is though, that as far as relationships go, we've had it pretty good: we see each other often, get on well with each others' families, we're openly affectionate with each other (in public, after nearly 4 years!!), have sex frequently, and hardly ever fight. And when we do fight, we listen to and respect each other's point of view.

She tells me she's had phases of doubt in the past that have dissapated, but this one is more solid.

A few weeks ago she was chatting casually to her boss about us, when he abruptly told her it wouldn't last. She's also been catching up with a friend of hers more recently, and he's just come out of a long, stable relationship. I'm worried that she's hearing so many tales of woe about other's relationships that she thinks the same must apply to us, and I'm scared. I'm really, really scared.

I asked her if I had (or hadn't) done anything to make her feel this way and she said no. I told her to think about it, and now I'm going over to her place tomorrow, and I just can't shake this feeling of impending doom.

TL:DR Has anyone, especially guys, had this sense of 'about to break up' doom too? And is there any way to prepare for it or make it easier?

Sorry. There's no easy way. Best way is for you to break up with her instead of waiting for her. Then think of all the things you wanted to do but couldn't because she didn't let you or because she couldn't.

BTW: I'm a dude.

I don't play games or crap like that anymore. A lot of girls love to think they're so sly, but when it comes to important subjects such as this what you want to do is get a straight answer, no bullshit, no beating around the bush.

Try to figure out why it is she feels that way, then you can either fix it, or not do the same thing in the future.
A lot of the time, "drifting apart" ends up being code for, "I've been cheating on you/am thinking of cheating on you, so I'm gonna end it before you find out and I look like a total douche."

If she can't give you a straight answer as to what her problem-or your problem-is, drop it like it's hot, man. Sounds to me like the relationship is flying toward some lofty mountain peaks, and you should probably eject before she takes the only parachute.

mysecondlife:

Sorry. There's no easy way. Best way is for you to break up with her instead of waiting for her. Then think of all the things you wanted to do but couldn't because she didn't let you or because she couldn't.

Wait, what? At what point did the OP say anything about his girlfriend being controlling and not letting him do things?

boots:

mysecondlife:

Sorry. There's no easy way. Best way is for you to break up with her instead of waiting for her. Then think of all the things you wanted to do but couldn't because she didn't let you or because she couldn't.

Wait, what? At what point did the OP say anything about his girlfriend being controlling and not letting him do things?

He didn't. But there were stuffs I couldn't do with my ex-girlfriend because she was allergic to a lot of things. What I'm saying was never about control.

mysecondlife:

He didn't. But there were stuffs I couldn't do with my ex-girlfriend because she was allergic to a lot of things.

OK ... but the thread isn't about your ex-girlfriend. And the OP never mentioned his girlfriend having allergies. Also, couples can do stuff separately.

What I'm saying was never about control.

Then think of all the things you wanted to do but couldn't because she didn't let you.

boots:

mysecondlife:

He didn't. But there were stuffs I couldn't do with my ex-girlfriend because she was allergic to a lot of things.

OK ... but the thread isn't about your ex-girlfriend. And the OP never mentioned his girlfriend having allergies. Also, couples can do stuff separately.

What I'm saying was never about control.

Then think of all the things you wanted to do but couldn't because she didn't let you.

W/e I give up. I've skimmed through this thread and you haven't offered anything to help the OP yourself.

Consider yourself ignored.

my girlfriend dumped me over a facebook chat, don't let her do that, don't let her hide behind a wall of electronics, that devalues everything that you both went through. But I kind of knew that a breakup was coming, though not for a lack of me trying to get things right again, she just never seemed that involved after a certain point. Whatever happens man, don't let her break the news over facebook, text, or email.

Colour-Scientist:

It is indeed.

Fran is my hero.

it looks like that episode where she gets a job but has no Idea what it is shes actually suposed to be doing

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