Do you forgive and move on or hold a grudge when someone has done something bad to you?
I forgive eventually as long as they stopped doing bad things to me.
16.2% (23)
16.2% (23)
Depends. If its a complete stranger that I dont know at all, I wouldnt care and just stay away from that person.
4.9% (7)
4.9% (7)
I'd forgive them only if they apologized for what they've done to me. Otherwise, no. I would never forgive them, or forgive them after a very very long time.
14.1% (20)
14.1% (20)
Depends on what they've done to me in particular. If its just a petty thing, I wouldnt mind and I probably wouldnt even be angry about it at all.
37.3% (53)
37.3% (53)
Eh, who cares. Bad things happen to us all anyway.
9.9% (14)
9.9% (14)
I move on immediately. I dont even ask them to apologize. I just move on.
17.6% (25)
17.6% (25)
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Poll: Do you forgive and move on or dwell?

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Well......basically, lets say someone insulted you or did something bad to you such as laughing at you in front of people or doing something that generally pisses you off. Would you forgive the person that did it or hold a grudge/dwell?

Personally, I'd forgive the person if they apologized. I think apology really changes everything and makes me realize how sorry they are for what they've done to me.

So guys. What about you eh guys? Would you forgive people or hold a grudge/dwell? Feel free to share stories too.

Depends on the person and what exactly they had done. If it's severe enough, I'll usually remove them from my life if at all possible. Physical pain may or may not be involved.

I always forgive and move on, unless the person in question has made multiple threads during the day, some of which have been made several times before.

Depends on what they did, something small like you mention in the OP, I would forget about pretty quick. But if it was something bigger with the people close to me, I do unfortunately tend to sulk which is very stupid and petty of me.

I think i'm incapable of holding a proper grudge against somebody. I just can't get that worked up over things like that easily.

I once had a friend who was generally unpleasant and actually stole stuff from me and I just couldn't get that worked up over it. Well him deciding to go to Sixth Form and every other one of my group of friends going to a new college after school effectively removed him from our lives anyway.

I can get really annoyed by random crap strangers say or do though. That's pretty weird.

And as much fun as an Internet Vendetta against someone who slighted you on a website sounds, I would rather watch one than be a part of one. Hell i've had arguments with... Some of you. Can't really remember who but hey but i'm too nice to continue with it.

I got a shock today. The girl that I hooked on since last october is starting to date one of my friends...A guy that I've told many times that I was hooked on her. Now, I'm in a pissy mood.

I think it's mostly because she showed me that she wasn't interested and I thought I was over her. Then there was that ******* small idea in the back of my head that I wasn't over her lately. Just to seal the deal on my bad luck, she's dating the douchiest of all my friend.

It will probably take a bit of time to get used to the idea. Their "relationship" is doomed anyway. He's moving out to the western canada. From what I've been told, she doesn't like to "get serious".

I hunt them down and murder anyone who wrongs me in their sleep.

Because I may as well mess with the mass Escapist profiling that is seemingly going on with all of your threads.

I heartily await the "How do you poop?" thread or whatever is next.

Well I get pissed kind of easily, so if I held grudges based on perceived wrongs done to me I would hate most of the people I know. XD

So in general, I move on immediately.

I almost always forgive.

Unless I was used. Then it will always be a bitter hatred.

EX: I'm sorry Johnny. It's been 2 wonderful years. You will always be the best boyfriend I ever had. I just don't feel I'm up to the commitment anymore. But I will always love you, and I hope you find the person you're looking for.

ME: I hope you die looking.

I am pretty sure I am a dweller.

So I gather I'm the option three.

I've never forgiven myself for some things that I've done.

Other people I forgive pretty quickly.

I get my revenge, and then forgive and move on, and that includes upon myself. I have trouble letting things go without retribution but my best friend is helping me better myself, and just forget about stuff.

Johnny Novgorod:
EX: I'm sorry Johnny. It's been 2 wonderful years. You will always be the best boyfriend I ever had. I just don't feel I'm up to the commitment anymore. But I will always love you, and I hope you find the person you're looking for.

ME: I hope you die looking.

Fucking outstanding, sir.

A combination of 2,3,4. If it was something big, I'd expect an apology. I'm always much harder on myself anyway.

I'll usually forgive people for their wrong-doings against me, or at least try not to continuously feel angered by them, even if they don't apologize to me.

More than not preferring to hold a grudge, I find it physically difficult to be able to do so for more than a day. I can't even sleep when I am angry, and I literally have to let go of whatever anger I am feeling if I want to be able to sleep at all. So they way it works with me is, the lesser angers, I can forget about them, and then remember them, allowing me to continue to be mildly angry for as long as I deem acceptable, but for seriously intense anger, I have to let go of it, or lessen it to the former kind of anger, which is really more annoyance than anger, if I want to be able to sleep like a normal human being.

Did anyone else notice the lack of "I don't forgive" or "I forgive, but never forget, and make sure that if they make the same mistake twice, to hold it doubly against them" options? Just me? Shit.

While I can get pissed off fairly quickly, give me enough time to cool off and I could probably forgive you of just about anything.

I never forgive, I always remember... but I don't dwell.

I just mentally chalk up the number of things someone has done to wrong me and keep a mental tally. Eventually if the enjoyment I get from associating with them is outweighed by the severity and frequency of negative events I just cut contact and/or rebuff them at every turn.

Johnny Novgorod:
EX: I'm sorry Johnny. It's been 2 wonderful years. You will always be the best boyfriend I ever had. I just don't feel I'm up to the commitment anymore. But I will always love you, and I hope you find the person you're looking for.

ME: I hope you die looking.

I might love you, and I'm straight so I'm torn.

OT: I was a very forgiving person, until my ex cheated on me with my best friend. I now have a one chance policy; if you've been good to me in the past, I'll forgive a lot of things. Break my trust again, and I'll hate you so much that even The Hulk would be scared. I was used a lot when I was younger, so I'm not letting it happen again.

*mumbles* She even pulled the 'I still wanna be friends' card.

If it's a petty thing, or completely unrelated to me personally, I usually get over it fairly quickly. If I've been deliberately used or hurt, then I tend to hold onto my hatred for a long time, at least until they apologize.

I've only ever had one moment like that with someone, but they've made it clear they want and think nothing of me at all, and since I see them occasionally from a distance, my anger is still definitely there. It's like I could sing "Somebody That I Used to Know" and it would make sense. I could rant for ages about how badly they treated me, and how they are the worst friend anyone could ever have.

So yeah, I can definitely hold grudges.

JemothSkarii:

Johnny Novgorod:
EX: I'm sorry Johnny. It's been 2 wonderful years. You will always be the best boyfriend I ever had. I just don't feel I'm up to the commitment anymore. But I will always love you, and I hope you find the person you're looking for.

ME: I hope you die looking.

*mumbles* She even pulled the 'I still wanna be friends' card.

The last time a girl said that to me, I replied "Well I don't. So fuck off."

Forgive, a friendship is a terrible thing to kill, but never forget.

It depends on what has happened, petty things I can forgive quickly, but if someone has done something really bad, or bad things over a longer period of time then I tend to hold a grudge for longer

Bamba:
So guys. What about you eh guys? Would you forgive people or hold a grudge/dwell? Feel free to share stories too.

Where's the option for "No, I will hate them forever" option? Not that that's what I'd vote on, I just noticed that there's an extreme forgiveness option but no extreme dwell option.

Also - Bamba, are you trying to take over the world? Or at least the Escapist? You seem to be profiling us.

If somebody does bad things to you, then it is only common sense that they may do it again. Thus, I tend towards never quite forgiving people, especially if what they did revealed something about their character, something bad, something that marks them as a despicable person.

I see it as pretty simple. You try to hurt me or fuck with my life, you're my enemy. Simple as. Doubly so if you attempt to lie about it as if I'm stupid enough to believe you.

Secondly, too many people take forgiveness as a solve-all, end-all solution. Like they never did anything wrong in the first place. Sometimes, I don't think someone's my enemy, but I still don't say I forgive them. If I did, then they'd never learn.

I never forget thus I can never forgive. It is not a fun thing, I do not know why I cannot do it, I just cannot. Not for a lack of honest trying.

I usually let it go unless they're on a mission to really piss me off. If they somehow succeed, people sure have found a way to get me INSANELY pissed. Grudges are petty, and most people just aim to get a reaction out of me, not actually criticize, which is what I'd like.

I'll hurt them back, and then happily move on bearing no grudge.
We're even, after all.
Where's my poll option..?

Forgiveness is a choice you *might* make. If you're so inclined. But it isn't more ethical than hitting back.

Sansha:

JemothSkarii:

Johnny Novgorod:
EX: I'm sorry Johnny. It's been 2 wonderful years. You will always be the best boyfriend I ever had. I just don't feel I'm up to the commitment anymore. But I will always love you, and I hope you find the person you're looking for.

ME: I hope you die looking.

*mumbles* She even pulled the 'I still wanna be friends' card.

The last time a girl said that to me, I replied "Well I don't. So fuck off."

That was more or less my reaction, coupled with "You're a whore I hate you"

Candidus:
I'll hurt them back, and then happily move on bearing no grudge.
We're even, after all.
Where's my poll option..?

Forgiveness is a choice you *might* make. If you're so inclined. But it isn't more ethical than hitting back.

Vindication is a great feeling. More people should seek it for affonts against them - within reason and in a manner compareable to the affront.

Where's the "even if I want to forget and move on I can't help obsessing over it anyways" option?

Because that's what happens to me.

I'm easy to anger and hard to calm but after I had my initial rage at whatever someone did to me (the rage could end violently often sadly) I usually just stop caring. My emotions are strong but very short lived and I mostly don't bother wasting time or energy on grudges. Only person I have a grudge on is my dad because reasons but other than him I don't hold anything against anyone who has ever wronged me.

I wouldn't say I forgive, I just stop caring and go "Fuck it." and continue with my life.

If it was serious enough that I actually cared enough to do something about it, I'd probably drop everything and pursue the matter until I felt the issue was resolved to my satisfaction. Then I'd forgive and forget.

But hardly anything like that ever happens, so most of the time it's immediate forgiveness. And if I wasn't able to resolve things in a fairly short amount of time, it'd probably feel like a waste of time after a point.

But if it really got under my skin, then it would be a problem. I tend to get my priorities mixed up when 'revenge' is added to the mix.

Abomination:

Candidus:
I'll hurt them back, and then happily move on bearing no grudge.
We're even, after all.
Where's my poll option..?

Forgiveness is a choice you *might* make. If you're so inclined. But it isn't more ethical than hitting back.

Vindication is a great feeling. More people should seek it for affonts against them - within reason and in a manner compareable to the affront.

I agree. While the passion for revenge is indeed toxic, I'm addicted to the feeling of vindication. I've buried people (figuratively), and spoken down to them when they've hurt me then come to me with a problem.
Last year, the first girl to break my heart came to me lamenting that she'd been used, abused and been through some pretty serious shit since, climaxing in being trapped in a meth house as a slave to her 'boyfriend' and his cooks. She asked where her life had gone so wrong:

"When you walked away from me."

I don't know or care where she is now.

But what I'm most proud of is after my father died, I used my inheritance to go on the warpath against his gold-digging ex-girlfriend (long story; emotional abuse, attempted murder, blackmail) and ended up getting her cars re-possessed and house foreclosed on. She's got literally nothing, now.

But really, success is the best revenge. I've looked up people who made my childhood and school years miserable, and they're either dead or living on the poverty margin, or at least their dreams have been crushed.
Meanwhile I'm a millionaire at 25 and doing exactly the work I've always dreamed of.

It's not enough that I'm happy. They should fail.

There is only one person that has wronged me and I have not forgiven. It was my ex, who last fall, broke up with me via text. Because we never see each other. Ironically, we live 5 minutes from each other. The reason we hadn't seen each other? Because for about 2 months, every time I would invite her over, she would cancel on me literally minutes before I picked her up. Right before the break up, I canceled on her once, a day in advance, and made the offer to go out the next day. A month after the break up, she text-ed me again after catching glimpses of me at a football game, and tried to paint herself as the victim. Even if she was, even if there's something that I can't see from my point of view, she broke up with me via text. We live 5 minutes away. She has a fucking car. I could see no reason to not at least try and break up to me face to face. Not even a fucking phone call. And its not like I met her and started dating a couple months ago. We knew each other for 7 god-damn years, we where best friends for all of that, and I don't even get a breakup call. Fuck that. I put up and moved on from to much shit for this relation to forgive this.

Sorry to go on a rant there, but this has been building up for the past couple of months. And my mind keeps telling me to forgive her. And I have to keep convincing myself that I really shouldn't. But yeah. Everyone else, I've forgiven.

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