Do you forgive and move on or hold a grudge when someone has done something bad to you?
I forgive eventually as long as they stopped doing bad things to me.
15.5% (22)
15.5% (22)
Depends. If its a complete stranger that I dont know at all, I wouldnt care and just stay away from that person.
4.9% (7)
4.9% (7)
I'd forgive them only if they apologized for what they've done to me. Otherwise, no. I would never forgive them, or forgive them after a very very long time.
14.1% (20)
14.1% (20)
Depends on what they've done to me in particular. If its just a petty thing, I wouldnt mind and I probably wouldnt even be angry about it at all.
37.3% (53)
37.3% (53)
Eh, who cares. Bad things happen to us all anyway.
9.9% (14)
9.9% (14)
I move on immediately. I dont even ask them to apologize. I just move on.
17.6% (25)
17.6% (25)
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Poll: Do you forgive and move on or dwell?

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Nah, I forgive easily. There's already enough bullshit in the world without bringing in lasting grudges. I'm also a big believer in that anyone can change their ways, be that a bully or a rapist and anything in between. So I don't draw out hatred for someone who wronged me once or twice.

I used to held on a grudge on a classmate back in elementary school, I held up on that grudge whenever I could, until he simply changed to a new school. Back then it was pretty easy to hate and never forget, but now I try to look at my past-self and I think it was petty back then, I've learned to forgive and move along (although in this case, I should apologize...), only then, I can be happy.

Guys. Would it change anything to you if the person apologized for what they've done to you? Because, personally, I think it would change a lot for me. I dont know if I'd forgive them immediately after they apologized, but it'd definitely change a lot in terms of how I think about them.....

So guys. Tell me pliz. Does apology change anything to you?

I'm generally a nice person and I tend to always forgive, apology or not. But that doesn't mean I won't forget.

If the said person is a douche bag I will NEVER forget, possibly use that against them if they try to use or insult me, and with that BAM a quick and easy revenge without the grudge.
One time one of the biggest douches at my school was with me when I was buying a ticket to Winter Formal. Said to my face in a sarcastic snark "You're not going to Winter Formal." The comment didn't phase me (I've been insulted WORSE then that in my lifetime), but I sure as hell didn't forget. It was a Sadie Hawkens themed dance and what do you know! I get asked by a girl 3 months before I even get my ticket! I then proceed to post the pictures of her and I with a quote: "You're not going to Winter Formal." With his name quoting it. He hasn't dared tried to insult me to this day.

The moral: Forgive but don't forget, then use it as a weapon for ultimate satisfaction. :)

Bamba:
Guys. Would it change anything to you if the person apologized for what they've done to you? Because, personally, I think it would change a lot for me. I dont know if I'd forgive them immediately after they apologized, but it'd definitely change a lot in terms of how I think about them.....

So guys. Tell me pliz. Does apology change anything to you?

In any serious case, no. Because getting revenge isn't about making them sorry, it's about purifying me. It's about releasing the hatred and unhappiness generated by what was done to me at the person(s) responsible, so that I can continue to live an ordinary life and treat unrelated persons with civility (which I could not do otherwise).

"Justice has only been done when the victim has been returned, as near as possible, to their state prior to the crime."
Candidus. Just now in this thread. And no doubt others, at other times.

It's up to the victim how he or she gets there. It's not up to the state or your peers to take proportional retribution off the table, or to be the arbiter(s) of retribution via courts imo.

I should note; I'm not talking about breakups. I've read some of the prior comments, and I'm not in line with them at all. I'm talking about bullying, assault, rape, racism, destruction of belongings and so on.

I just move on.
I dont know if that is forgiving, or just giving up, but i find it an awful waste of time and energy to stay upset at someone.

Bamba:
Guys. Would it change anything to you if the person apologized for what they've done to you? Because, personally, I think it would change a lot for me. I dont know if I'd forgive them immediately after they apologized, but it'd definitely change a lot in terms of how I think about them.....

So guys. Tell me pliz. Does apology change anything to you?

It actually does.

End of 2011, my girlfriend ended the best relationship I've ever had - the happiest I've ever been - by trying to kill herself over her ex-boyfriend's new relationship.

I couldn't get over it all this time. I was always angry and bitter, and a little vengeful. It just ate at me for so long, I even left the country for six weeks to try to get over it.

Earlier this year she apologized... I told her exactly how she made me feel and I got my apology. Now we're actually working as friends again, and all those bad feelings are just gone.

I don't really ever feel betrayed, and I very rarely blame other people for anything... but when I do... it's never forgiven, it's never forgotten, I will hate them until I die...<.<

Most things don't piss me off or annoy me, so I just instantly move on and ignore it. Bah Humbug so far as I'm concerned.

If you do manage to piss me off though, run. Not only will I not forgive you for at least the rest of the day, but your life is probably in danger as you have done something probably physically harmful to me, or my friends, and as such have incurred my wrath, which will include a lot of pain for you if you stick around.
Give me time to calm down from that though and the most you'll have to wait is a week or so before I forgive you. Too much stress and energy in holding a grudge. There are few things that would have me actually maintain a grudge for longer than a week, and generally they are things were the grudge will only be ended once you are dead. Fair recompense for what you'd have to do to get me to that stage, and a place where thankfully no-one has ever reached.

None of those options. I'm not a person who gets easily offended or hurt, but if I do, I don't forgive easily. Mostly I just choose to forget rather than forgive and move on. It's easier, and dwelling on it just seems like a waste of brainpower.

Angie7F:
I just move on.
I dont know if that is forgiving, or just giving up, but i find it an awful waste of time and energy to stay upset at someone.

Exactly. There are other, more important things to do in life than holding a grudge.

It is very difficult to do something that requires forgiveness from me.

There is only one person who has done such a thing, and that was stealing from me then lieing to my face about it, I forgave him after he replaced all that he stole, but I still wont trust him ever again.

I tend to ignore people who attempt to piss me off. I don't forgive others that easily, unless what you did was honestly a mistake on your part. I don't require a apology, all I need from you is to become a good/better person and that's it.

Unfortunately, I have this utterly unpleasant annoying cunt in my class who complaints a lot and insults others rather aggressively. I loathe her and after what she said to my friends and myself, I will never forgive her. Usually I will be able to hold a grudge for a moment and forget about it all together later, but for her case, that's impossible. She's fortunate I haven't lost control of my anger in class.

I may eventually forgive someone if it's not something major, but I still never forget what they did to me. I still to this day will not speak to a family member of mine because she lied about certain things & started a lot of bullshit drama just to get her way, this happened about 12 years ago.

It all depends on the person, the degree to which I've been wronged and if I've been wrong multiple times by said person. For the most part I forgive and move on. Really there's only one person who I'm really holding a grudge against and let's just say karma is really kicking his manipulative ass.

Maaaan thats a hard question. And it depends on so many factors. Are we, good, friends? What did he/she do? all that.

Usually ill forgive you and move on. Or in time just don't give a fuck anymore.

I'll sum up my feelings about forgiveness with the following quote. "Find a way to live, by making the one who wronged you pay." Yup, works for me.

Forgave the girl who accused me of rape after her boyfriend found out about us and she actually came over this afternoon and hung out with my girlfriend and I.

However on that note my sister and mother have done things far worse than her and as such shall receive no trace of forgiveness

I'm a very forgiving person. I just think that life is hard enough and that making a mistake is a human thing to do. What matters is that you learn from those mistakes.

I tend to forgive people, if it's apparent they didn't mean to hurt me. But a holdover from my years grappling with depression (while it is mostly dealt with) is things said about me are liable to stick in my head for the rest of the day, and really bother me.

Candidus:
I should note; I'm not talking about breakups. I've read some of the prior comments, and I'm not in line with them at all. I'm talking about bullying, assault, rape, racism, destruction of belongings and so on.

Exactly. People have the right to be able to break cleanly from a relationship at any point, unless there's children involved. They'd still have the right to leave, but they can't just abandon the children. Gotta pull your weight there.

Some people's responses on relationships in this thread are a little sad.

If it were cheating, or something like that, I'd understand. Though when I was cheated on last year, I wasn't angry, just disappointed and sad.

The closest I came to anger was when (after breaking up with me) she said she didn't know the guy at all. I later found out she was able find him and start dating him. She was then dumped by him, shortly afterwards which was a little amusing.

there had better be an apology somewhere, other wise i hold a grudge against them, and avoid them as much as possible

I'm too passive agressive.
I hold onto things far beyond the healthy limit.
I mean I will manage to forget/forgive whatever transgression occurred, but I just tend to get very wrapped up in my emotions.

If it's something small then fine, I could walk away and forget about it, but if it's something as bad as having caused me, my family, or my friends physical or financial harm solely for their own benefit, then I'd hunt them down and do everything in my power to make their lives a nightmare until they would never dream of doing it again.

Bamba:
Guys. Would it change anything to you if the person apologized for what they've done to you? Because, personally, I think it would change a lot for me. I dont know if I'd forgive them immediately after they apologized, but it'd definitely change a lot in terms of how I think about them.....

So guys. Tell me pliz. Does apology change anything to you?

Depends on their 'offence'; short stint of bullying? I can forgive that. Don't pay me back ~$1300 after a year and tell people you offered to pay me back and I refused? Sure, it's a pain in the ass, but it's not like you were trying to hurt me. Crush me, paint me as the villain and themselves as the 'tragic martyr'? Nope, no amount of apologies could fix that, even on a deathbed.

Nope, not bitter at all.

Interesting poll. Seeing as my own father physically and verbally abused me as a child, I forgive but I don't forget.
I can't change what happened but I'm not going to let it dictate how I live my life. The forgiving part is for my well being. Hate binds people just as much as love does.

"Never forgive. Never forget." That has seemingly been my motto for years and so unsurprisingly I am one to hold grudges for years.

As a general rule, I just move past it. I value my friends and family more than anything else, and don't want my pride to get in the way of that. There are exceptions, of course.

My last girlfriend, for example, cheated on me and then lied to me about it. It's been over a year now and we haven't spoken. On the rare occasion we see each other I just pretend that she doesn't exist, because I'm not positive that I could talk to her. I just get the feeling I'd let all of my anger and hurt loose and shatter any sense of self worth she may have.

Bamba:
Well......basically, lets say someone insulted you or did something bad to you such as laughing at you in front of people or doing something that generally pisses you off. Would you forgive the person that did it or hold a grudge/dwell?

Personally, I'd forgive the person if they apologized. I think apology really changes everything and makes me realize how sorry they are for what they've done to me.

So guys. What about you eh guys? Would you forgive people or hold a grudge/dwell? Feel free to share stories too.

it realllyyyy depends, for the most part i'm extremely forgiving, especially if the person is truly sorry (generally you can tell by their tone of voice and strive to reconcile).

if someone really insulted me (which is hard as hell to do, i generally laugh things off) and just hated me with all their might, it might take a little bit for me to forgive them, i'd have to really see them mean the apology.

but if someone is just laughing at me or making fun of me for something, i'll probably laugh with them, i do stupid stuff from time to time, and i generally find it funny in itself too. (gotta be able to laugh at yourself sometimes, otherwise i just don't think your comfortable with yourself.)

there is only roughly one person i haven't forgiven on stuff, but that is because she is a super self absorbed ignorant bitch, i even gave her many times to apologize/reconcile but she just kept being ignorantly stubborn, so we haven't talked in over a year, and normally i lose all grudge holdings/feelings about it after a month, but this one is sticking pretty good, i don't really see myself ever making amends with this person in the future unless they decide to really grow up.

Before I knew Christ I didn't forgive or forget. Once someone wronged me that would permanently be something that I held against them, that I equated with them. Once a thief always a thief, once a cheater always a cheater and so on.

This extended to nearly every aspect of my life and made it very hard to find friends, and even harder to keep them. I was just too severe, filled with loss and regret and pain. I saw no point in ever trying or having goals or hope because what was the point? So many people had wronged me in some sense, and I was guilty of things myself, that I saw no reason to actually look forward to the future. My friends would eventually leave me my wife would eventually cheat on me, if I even had kids they would hate me, and so on...

Once I found God all of that changed. I realized just how wrong I was. How I had been focusing on the negative in a very small social circle, how I was letting fear and my own guilt keep me back. I was condemning others because I was afraid of who I was. I was denying and ignoring the future because there really was no point in it, just to be greedy grow old and die. Jesus changed my life, he showed me that God has a plan for all of us a purpose. He showed me true forgiveness and compassion, he freed me, he opened my eyes, he made it so that I wasn't broken anymore. I have a future now, and I trust God with it. Bad things happen sure and sometimes people do those things, but God is in control, we know how the world and creation will end. And people? People are just lost, in pain or suffering from their demons of greed and vice.

I forgive people on the spot now because what is forgiving someone of some minor or even major crime compared to forgiving me of all the sins of my entire life? Nothing...To not forgive and forget what others have done would be to lessen Christs death for me on the cross.

I try to do the first.

I don't always succeed.

Dwelling helps no-one, it just makes you a negative person who's no fun to be around, and it eats you up, which doesn't really give them a reason to say anything, and poisons a relationship.

Better than dwelling is to demand some understanding, preferably in the form of an apology (I'd stress that it shouls only be for things that matter. Let the little things slide). Passive aggressive shit doesn't help you or endear you to anyone.

If a friend does/says something bad to me, so long as it wasn't, like, stab me in the face, I'll forgive them but I'll bring the thing up from time to time in a light hearted fashion.

For me it depends on what someone has done.

I've been dumped recently where me and my now ex went away for a weekend and she met up with a "friend" in the bar there.
He knocked on our hotel door at about 1 in the morning asking what she was doing sleeping in bed with me...Originally I thought he was a internet creep who completely got the wrong end of the stick and figured that they were meeting up because it was a romantic thing.
It turned out that she had been messing me around for about 2 months with this guy and didn't have the courage to tell me something was going on because she "didn't want to hurt" me.
The best part of it was that this guy didn't even know she was with me despite the fact we turned up together, sleeping in the same bed and I'm pretty sure while we were chatting during the day, saying repeatedly that she lived with me.
She just got her stuff and left my hotel room to stay in his room (which strangely enough was a double bed).
So she had been messing both of us around and neither of us knew it. He was under the impression she was single and lived with her parents and I was under the assumption that since we was together for 3 and a half year I could trust her.

But I have done NOTHING but dwell on it for the past few weeks because it's broken my heart in a way I never thought possible. I realise that breakups happen and heartbreak hurts, but she was my whole world. I was planning on getting ourselves a nicer house, a car, helping her find a better job that she'd be more happy in and after all that propose to her because I wanted (and still do) to spend the rest of my life with her.

To be fair, we did have a few relationship problems such as I have a short fuse sometimes and when I was stressed or annoyed she'd feel like I was annoyed and angry at her even though I wasn't, I'd play my xbox a bit too excessively because she would be buried in her laptop (on this site funnily enough) chatting to people which made it difficult to strike up a conversation or suggest doing something like go out for a walk, or go see a show. It became a vicious circle of me not wanting to bother her because she was busy doing her own thing and I didn't want to bother her and she was doing her own thing because she felt that I was doing my own thing. But at least in my mind, these were things that were a quick and simple fix, we just needed to chat about our relationship and if we were happy with it and were it was going and if we both said no, then we'd just had to discuss what we felt the problems were and both work towards making it better for the both of us.

I personally don't know if I can just forgive and move on because her breaking my heart is the worst feeling I have ever experienced and I have been through breakups which have ended messier than this one. She just means the world to me and being hurt like this isn't something you can just shrug off and move on from because of how much she means to me.
That being said, it's not impossible for me to forgive and move on if we end up getting back together when this thing she has with this other guy ends because I've realised that even though what she did is (in my opinion) one of the worst things someone can do to another person, the faults aren't completely hers, I also had my part in the way things turned out. Be it from her not feeling like she's getting enough attention from me, or me sometimes giving her the cold shoulder when I was angry instead of me explaining that I'm not angry at her and just need to calm down a bit before I talk to her. Some of the faults are mine.

I wouldn't say dwell, more like holding a grudge. I only hold a grudge if the person had insulted me in a arguement and did not apologise (yes I am willing to apologise back from the said arguement) or they are a former friends from my High School years (I will not ever forgive them).
Other than that I can be forgiving to the right people.

I don't forgive, ever. Not all bad deeds are a condemnation, but they contribute. I will always think of a person differently after they do something and so they cannot be forgiven. And there have been a fair share of people who have crossed the line of no return. They are condemned in my eyes and will never be forgiven.

It depends on the person but most of the time I just pretend to forgive by not letting it get in the way with how I treat the person and I NEVER forget. I'm a big grudge holder and a strong proponent of revenge.

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