Canvey Island school bans triangle shaped flapjacks, health and safety hazard

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Not even the Onion could come up with this shit. So I guess that means Doritos are out too then.

God damnit George, why are you still so damn relevant?

Aren't flapjacks supposed to be round? Why square or rectangular?

EDIT: *looks at article*

Whoa. That's different from the flapjacks I was thinking about. :/

This was the obvious move as triangles are a more dangerous shape, I mean science supports it. A square has a corner of 90 degrees while a triangle assuming they are equilateral will have a corner of 60 degrees I mean come on people that is 30 degrees more dangerous.

I like how nobody here remembers that time the armies of the undead nearly wiped out humanity with flapjacks. It's like you people learn nothing from history. Good move I say.


We need to minimize the corners. My new invention shall solve that, with only two corners!

Melon Hunter:
Oaty Frisbees of Death!]

This is my children's black metal band.

Anyone ever notice that all of the idiotic ideas come from the very people who are intended to make kids smart?

Except this one of course. Triangles are the devil. Haven't you ever seen Sesame Street? There's a guy on there who is obsessed with triangles and he's the closest thing the show has to a drug user. And Yield signs? They have to be up to something.

Am I the only one who reads this and wonders why they haven't banned all school cafeteria food as a health and safety hazard yet?

I hate BS CYA policies. Much as I hate to lay the blame entirely at the feet of lawyers.... If the lawyers or courts started turning away the idiots then maybe we could have a society of reasonable people.

*me upon reading the thread title*


They might as well ban erasers, because I'm sure they've been flung with the intent of injuring someone at one point or another.

You know, this topic makes slightly more sense when you realize the Brit's flapjacks are actually some sort of oat-bar thing. Round my parts it's just a rarely used word for pancakes.

Took me a minute to realize this.

My first thought was 'who the hell makes them in triangles and why on earth would it hurt to be hit by one?'
Oh words.

A school's decision to ban triangular flapjacks after a pupil was hurt has been labelled "half-baked" by the Health and Safety Executive.

You can't make this stuff up! The flapjack is half-baked! Ahhh priceless.

What amused me even more is that lower down:

"The real issue isn't what shape the flapjacks are, but the fact that pupils are throwing them at each other".

Yes that would be the issue Captain Obvious, ballistic flapjacks. Reminds me of the time someone threw a buttered roll at my eye....

Yes that does sound like he buttered it first.


The Artificially Prolonged:
But wait square flapjacks have more corners than triangle ones!!! The damn school administration has just put those poor kids in even deadlier peril than they where in before!

Exactly my thought. You'd think the safest form was round only...

But if they're round then they're easier to shallow. What if the children stick the flapjacks in their mouths, my God anything could happen to them then! They could choke... or be poisoned... or get their teeth dirty! XD

Somewhere, in the dank depths of a certain British educational institute, a benevolent head-teacher is rubbing his hands together with glee - his latest scheme has put him one step closer to the world domination of harmless good fun.

those magic words "health and safety" pick up the occupational health and safety manual for any business and flick through it and i can almost guarentee there is batshit crazy stuff in there that no sane human being would actually do

Wow, this bubble-wrapping children business is really accelerating at an alarming rate. During my six years in secondary school, we had-

- A student impale his hand on a steel rod.
- A student throw a chisel at another student's head.
- A student run headfirst into a goalpost earning himself a permanent forehead scar.
- A student shot in the eye with an airsoft gun.
- Multiple fireworks and similar devices set off in the GAA pitch.
- A student falling arse-first through a window (yeah, I don't know what he was doing either).
- God-only knows how many fights, some of which I was even involved in myself.
- All the usual miscellaneous broken bones that you get- or used to get- with schoolkids.
- Oh, and one student branded another student with a soldering iron. -_-

That's about all I can think of now, but that was definitely just a taster of what went on at my school. I only left four years ago. Granted, we had a choice selection of morons in that place but still, it's astounding to see the difference between that school and the ones banning chewy biscuits for being too dangerous.

After all of the stupid health and safety concerns I hear in the states, this doesn't come at too big a surprise for me. Still, the idea of banning a shape of food is pretty ludicrous. At least it's only banned at one school, I still remember a little of the stupid from the nationwide ban of Kinder Eggs in the U.S.

that just sounds incredibly stupid and pointless. some how a triangle flapjack( AKA a granola bar) is aprently a health risk. well by that flawed logic all kinds all kinds of food should be declared a health and safety hazard.

I will try out using said flawed logic.
All fruit should be banned because if thrown at someones head it could hurt a child and that would be a "safety hazard". even ones that do not hurt much could really annoying and cause a wimpy kid to cry. If a whole group of kid start chasing him and thrown fruits at the kid it could cause emotional. Sure the chance of a mop of kids throw fruit a wimpy kid is very unlikely but if the situation is not considered then it risks the safety of a kid. Infact all children should be warped in bubble wrap too; just the ensure there safety.


In the US we have gun control, now it seems in Britain they have flapjack control. Also I'd never seen that kind of flapjack before, I thought it was just like our American pancakes.

Some kid in the states got suspended for a poptart in the shape of a gun. The school's reason for the suspension was that it would give time to his parents to learn to be better parents.

This world.


That was actually local for me. Welcome to the stupidity that is the Maryland public school system -_-

I was about to make an incredibly stupid comment about how I've never seen pancakes in a triangular shape before, and also how the flying fuck do you hurt someone with a piece of grilled dough.

Then I remembered that I'm American, and for some reason we call pancakes "flapjacks" sometimes. Thanks to Google, I now know what we're talking about.

And it's still pretty hilarious. If the kids wanna hurt each other with flapjacks, they're gonna find a way to do it. Changing the shape isn't gonna do jack (ha) shit.

Why is it all I can think of is...
"Triangle man, triangle man..."

okay story time my escapist children when I was a wee little lad in kindergarten, I got Hit in the Head with a large wooden block letter(it was an L btw) I needed 12 Stitches. did they need to remove said blocks? nope. was there a lawsuit for safety? NOPE.

Stop Coddling children, the world has not gotten any softer since the 80's when I was a kid, if nothing else it has gotten even more fucked up and brutal, so if some kid gets hurt because of a fucking pancake then patch his ass up and send him on to class or home don't make some stupid ass statement to the fact of the thing being a hazard. The only hazard a pancake presents is making you a diabetic if you eat a shit load of them

Some kid in the states got suspended for a poptart in the shape of a gun. The school's reason for the suspension was that it would give time to his parents to learn to be better parents.

This world.


this just in:

all students in Florida have been suspended because their state closely resembles a firearm.


wont someone think of the children?

obviously we need to split Florida up to the neighboring states to remove the violent imagery the state has given to unsuspecting school children for centuries.

for that matter, split all the states up into equal squares, since some states look to have sharp edges.

I heard that while all the teachers were running around, frantically debating how best to control this new menace, one of them tripped and split their head open on the corner of a desk. Once word gets out I fear none of our hardwood furniture will be safe, ever again.

Who would have thought that after two world wars, ongoing nuclear tensions and the trouble in the Middle East, it would be the humble right angle that finally spelled our doom.

I don't know what made me laugh harder. The article or the comments.

Even looking up what flapjacks over in Britain are supposed to be, it doesn't take away the absurdity. You can be injured in the eye with most any food. Changing the shape does nothing.

Please bear in mind this is Canvey Island.
The only good thing about canvey island is that it's sinking into the sea.
It's basically the least liked place in essex, the least liked county in england.

Some kid in the states got suspended for a poptart in the shape of a gun. The school's reason for the suspension was that it would give time to his parents to learn to be better parents.

This world.


They can forgive all they want but that kid now has a suspension on his permanent record...

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