"Dear Customer, it is my pleasure to inform you..." (A Venting Thread)

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(Secondhand Shop)

Well, you see, any minor fading/scratches/small chips/book crease is why you're buying this for 3.00 not the 34.99 you can see on the back of the book right here. And they were probably there and already considered when it was priced. And if its somehow accrued a major defect after pricing to reach a point it wouldn't have been put out... why do you want it again?

(there also any number of customers who've been caught cutting buttons off, taking drawer handles from dressers/legs from couches, or sticking one shoe in their pocket then wanting a discount on the single odd shoe left over)

Here's a few specific things I deal with working as a cashier at a military commissary(grocery store run by the government):

1) Your rank doesn't matter to me. This goes double for your spouse's rank if you're a dependent. I will treat you with the respect I owe every human being, but I will not break policy for you.

2) No, scratch that. Your rank does matter. If you are a high ranking enlisted member and especially if you are an officer, you should know better than to act out when you don't get your way.

3) You are military. We are DoD. When you abandon your cart full of groceries in the middle of the store and don't tell us about it, any refrigerated products that go bad cannot be sold. Until you pay for it, that stuff is government property. I do believe you've heard the phrase "Fraud, Waste and Abuse?" How about "destruction of government property?"

4) We close at 7:00 PM(or 1900 if you prefer). That does not mean make a mad dash for the door at the last minute and then go on a leisurely shopping trip. When we make the announcement that we are closed, that means that you take what you have and get in line so we can get you out. We aren't allowed to work overtime.

5) Similarly, I am not going to let you in once I lock the door. I don't care what your watch says. The problem with waiting until the last minute is that there are no minutes after it. Come back tomorrow(and don't get cute and try to sneak in the exit. We are watching those).

6) Yes, I know it sucks that you can't escort your friends/family into the commissary. It's a base commander policy, and I cannot and will not make an exception to it. Neither will the manager. And before you bring it up, I know that escort regulations say that you have to stay with escorted visitors to the base at all times. That is not a 'gotcha.' If you have to stay with them, and they cannot come in here, that means you shouldn't be coming in here either. But that's on your own integrity. I'm just watching the door.

It sounds to me like all of you complainers need to develop some patience and people skills. Thinking "I'm know a lot about the body/computers/food/whatever so I'll get a job helping people with it" completely misses the part about how you would be working with people. If you're not good at that, then you quite simply suck at your job. Don't blame your customers for that; work on improving that part of yourself or find a job that you are suitable for.

I'm sure some of your customers are idiots, but you need to be able to deal with that. Furthermore, a lot of the complaints in this topic are about totally reasonable and understandable customer behavior. To take the OP as an example: the first two questions are totally reasonable as they are about why someone would need to get a personal trainer. They want to know if this is something they need to invest their hard-earned money in. If after question 1 it turns out that they will not be able to "just do it by themselves", they ask a question about whether they cannot get the required knowledge in some cheaper manner (e.g. from a program or perhaps even a book). The third statement is a bit more confrontational, but it's basically just calling attention to the fact that ObsidianJones conveniently left out the part about how he's personally invested in the advice he just gave (which I think is fine by the way).

Here is the thing: of course your customers don't have your level of expertise. If they did, they didn't need you and you wouldn't have a job. In fact, they may know so little about what you do, that they aren't sure if haggling is appropriate or how they should order or what is and isn't normally included in your service or what you can and cannot do. But that is how you make your living. You eat because of these people.

Furthermore, you must realize that you are representing your company. I don't think it's okay to insult customer service employees and I think customers would do good to remember that a lot of things aren't their fault, but if your company does something that annoys that customer you should accept that you're going to be the one hearing about it. It's not like they can call up the CEO. You shouldn't complain about these people, but about (or actually to) your company. That's how it's supposed to work: by passing on customer complaints your company get improve itself, which should decrease the number of disappointed customers you need to deal with. If your company isn't open to such improvements, I feel for you, but it's not your customers' fault.

SaneAmongInsane:
I pretty much don't give a fuck about the customers or what they do, I work as a cashier.

It's remarkable to me how when something doesn't come up the right price they will ALWAYS make a joke about how it should be free. Rarely are they serious, they just genuinely believe they're being clever and witty and I hear the same line from every single one of them and I've been doing this 5 years!!!!

Oh, GOD!!! yes........ this, totally this.......

But it works both ways, I get to tell the same stupid jokes over and over again, and people think that I am freaking George Carlin.... They don't seem to realize that there is no such thing as a "unique" scenario at a cash register, and so I only need a repertoire of about 15 jokes to come across as the friendliest, wittiest, person on the planet (The truth is I can be quite funny, all the jokes I use I came up with myself, but I've used the same ones so many times its not even fun anymore, it just makes customer satisfaction go up so I still do it.)

Joccaren:

The other thing I hate is people that come in and order "Uhh, can I have fish and chips thanks".

I don't know about the U.S but in the UK when someone asks that it means they'll have one portion of chips and fish. Do people really say that when they want ten bags of chips? Just curious.

On a somewhat related note I hate ordering from fast food chains because they ask too many questions about your order. Can anyone that works in Maccie Ds tell me if there's like a script you have to follow. I feel dead awkward when I'm dead specific and say "Can I just have a double cheeseburger please, thank you" and then get asked whether I want a drink or the new Mc Chicken Shit Artery Clogger 3000(it's never that specific, that's just for comedic effect). How am I meant to order? Should I be as vague as possible and just say "food please". I'm not attacking anyone that works in the food biz for this, I imagine employees are meant to push you into buying extras and all that. I don't work in customer service(or work at all) but I admire those that do because you've got to take a load of shit for just doing your job, good work you're a credit to our awful species. I'm sure it won't be long before I have to feel your pain but I do have quite a high patience so maybe it won't be that bad. Also all these IT related posts are making me chuckle.

Dear Customer,

We're sorry that the six year old version of our software is causing you problems. We suggested trying the latest version--which is free, we remind you--but you insist we troubleshoot, debug, and develop a patch for software that is well past end-of-life. Please contact us again when you are ready to upgrade rather than doing the equivalent of asking Microsoft to patch Windows 3.1.

Dear Customer,

I know our product's UI is complex--it's a security product, it goes with the territory. However, the tasks I've asked you to do are very straight-forward and I simply can't spare the time to do a remote session with you just to click some checkboxes and a button or two.

Dear Customer,

Support is not here to train you for free. Please contact your sales engineer so they can provide you with a list of training classes we provide.

Dear Customer,

We thank you for your business, really. You've spent $250,000 with us. Even this amount however does not entitle you to being a dick. Customer Y on the other hand has spent over $10,000,000 with us. They can be dicks all they want. Thank you.

Pinkamena:

Grant Stackhouse:

SNIP

There's something I've always been wondering about. Why does laptops start to slow down after a few years even if you do a clean install? And why will it heat up like a toaster on speed even if it's not really under much load and the fans have been cleaned for dust? I have never been able to answer those questions when people have asked me.

There is a few reasons why but for the most part.
Because basic applications that everyone installs(Flash,Java, Internet browser) use way more resources then when the computer was new.

I work in the Security Industry as a Doorman.

Hmmmm... Simple Rules.

1) If I am refusing you it's because I think you are drunk or underage. Or dress code. It's not personal. It's work. And work is a four letter word. Like for example shite. And Balls.

2) I am not on a 'power trip'. It's not about power for me it's about work. I'd rather not actually talk to you at all. You are making me intersct with you by being too drunk/in trouble/whatever and I am sober and ALWAYS wanting to go home. You as a consumer, can go somewhere else. And forget about me. Please.

3) After being refused, or put out of the club, by all means insult me with whatever tired hackneyed thing you'd like to get off your chest. Sure ya I'm a meathead, I'm a thug,I'm on steroids, I'm ill educated, I'm only on €10 an hour, I'll never amount to anything like getting a 'real' job, and ya I'm racist and misogynistic and I'm homophobic and I'm probably a paedophile because I'd never be able to get a real girl and I'm a physical coward and only brave with my other meathead friends backing me up and I'm probably sucking their cocks as well cause that'd be the only way anyone ever would...Oh yeah and I totally can't get it up. And I love beating up...everybody. Because that's all I'm good for. And my Mother is not very proud of me,thanks for asking. Now, are you happy you got that off your chest? Great. See you later. All the best. Now go away. Please.

4) However, if I am all those things then, hitting/kicking/spitting on me is probably a bad idea. If you go down this road with such a reprehensible person as myself there is a tiny flaw in your logic I am afraid. But sure if you insist, fair enough. I'll probably do my best to get you arrested but sure haven't you already called me an asshole what did you expect? Flowers?

4) If I'm having to go up and talk to you more than 'Hello' 'Welcome' 'Goodbye' or 'Have a nice night' it's probably not because I think whatever you are doing is so cool. Just stop it.

5) If I ask you to leave, this is not a subtle invitation to indulge in a witty debate. You can talk if you like, But I probably won't be listening. Again, WORK.

6) You are not the hero of this little drama. Neither am I. This is not even a little drama. Unless you decide to make it dramatic. If that is the case, GTFO.

7) Dry humping girls you don't know on the dancefloor from behind is not 'just being friendly' or indeed a good way to 'say hello' GTFO.

8) Climbing ANYTHING is not being cheekily charming. It's what five year olds do. THEY are charming when they do it, you are not. GTFO.

9) Barstaff and floorstaff are not your servants. Nor your slaves. Admission price does not confer part ownership of their bodies or indeed their immortal souls. They are not 'stupid fucking cunts' or 'lying fat sluts' Be courteous, or GTFO.

10) You pee ANYWHERE but in a urinal or a bathroom, GTFO.

11) For vomiting, please read above statement.

12) I do not want to watch you molest each other on the dancefloor/in the corner/on the couch. You may think you are wrapped up in the throes of a pure undiluted beautiful passionate moment in time, a kiss for the ages. I think you look like a sick fish trying to swallow a fat baboon's arse. Please, for the of god, go home and fuck. This is where I work.

13) You will not talk me around. Unless you are sober. You being sober will not get your dementedly drunk friend in however. Likewise, you having ID will not get your id-less friend in. It is a very simple system.

14) So you were fighting. Now you are leaving. I don't want to hear the epic story of 'he drunk my girl/tried to score my pint/bumped into me on the dancefloor' I am not fucking Miss Marple trying to solve the fucking crime of the century. I'm not a cop either.I am going to investigate sweet fuck-all. You want me to call the cops, fine no problem. They will investigate everything to your hearts content. You need first aid or an ambulance, fine no problem I'll totally assist. But STFU and if you are ok, GTFO.

15) I am not Batman. If the ever loving shite is being kicked out of some random idiot around the corner that is regrettable. Truly. But I am not a vigilante and will not go wading into a brawl on a public street Kick-Ass style. I have a duty of care to the people inside. Call a cop. Or send up the Batsignal. If YOU feel in danger, step inside the door and ILL call the cops. I am not a hero. I am a professional.

16) So you called me a cunt the last night you were in and spat on another person? Cool! good for you you big rebel! Way to go sticking it to the 'man'! Do not however appear surprised if you find yourself not welcome in here tonight then.

17) I am not the representative of every security person everywhere ever. I don't want to hear about your 'bouncers are arseholes there was this one time...' story. I don't care. Every demographic has its saints and devils. I am not the spokesperson for mine.

18)There is ALWAYS a reason.

Kaulen Fuhs:
On the other hand, anyone who has ever worked with customers (pretty much everyone) knows how grating some of this shit can be. It doesn't take a metric ton of empathy to put yourself in the local cashier's shoes and not throw a hissy fit every time you don't get your way. Most of the complaints in this thread have been pretty legitimate.

you're right about not throwing hissy fits, and abuse is never acceptibe if a customeris verbally abusive then they've forgotten the first simple rule of "Don't piss off the people who make your food/fix your equipment/insert service type here"

As for not taking much empathy on the part of the customer to put themself into your shoes, thats not unreasonable, but it sounds like most of these complaints are coming from people who feel they've met their empathy quota and decided that, as SaneAmongInsane put it

SaneAmongInsane:
I pretty much don't give a fuck about the customers or what they do...

Having an entirely customer facing role like a cashier and then complaining about customers is like being a fire fighter and complaining about the heat.

For service roles communication is the key, people like to think that it's "that little bit extra" or "going above" the expcted level of customer service but its kinda the big thing. Communicate and set someones expectations and as long as you meet the expectation you put in place, you've delivered good service and people are happy. It's not rocket science.

As an example, it take 4 or so hours to format and rebuild a computer with a new OS, all the updates and restore the customers data on it... in most cases thats close to AU$1000, enough to buy a replacement for the POS that the customer brings us and we tell them that, that way everyone is on the same page. When everyone knows whats going on, people are less likely be be idiots and the ones that are still difficult are don't have a valid arguement because they were given a written estimate before hand.

Currently, I work at the front desk of a hotel.
This was my conversation with a guest when I arrived the other morning.

"Good morning, how are you?"

Guest glares at me.
"You're late. By an hour."

I look at my watch. 4:50AM
"Nope. I start at five."

So I decide to keep on walking, go into the building and open up the office.

Gotta admit, it annoyed me a little.
Listen pal, who the fuck do think you are? Are you my boss? Nope.
Do you own this place? No, you fucking don't.
Do you sign my paychecks? Also nope. So bite me, asshole.

Not even the CEO gets away from the morons who buy stuff from us sometimes i consider making people take an IQ test before we do any work for them

the most common i get is after selling a house and settlement is at say 1300 i get a phone call on the day at like 0830 saying "i need the keys like NOW i have a delivery coming and they are going to be here in like an hour" now i deal with the same crowd all the time getting appliances to the cabinet makers or to the worksite or what ever i talk to them every week if you have asked for a delivery at X time they do their best to do it but if the route they have to do their delivery in works out to you being in the morning well too bad that's when it turns up well that's all well and good but then people will phone me and demand their keys when i still need 80% of the money and i dont even have keys the lawyers have all the keys anyway so i say grow up should have organized everything for another day who gets their stuff delivered on their moving in day idiots

oh and had a guy called up "oh you will pay for this my garage is leaking you will come and fix it now" anyway go round there that afternoon it had been raining and there was water on the garage floor we are looking round no evidence of leaks and one of the guys looks on the floor and explains to the guy that the water dripped off his car on to the floor he bitched and moaned about the fee i charged him

Jordi:
It sounds to me like all of you complainers need to develop some patience and people skills. Thinking "I'm know a lot about the body/computers/food/whatever so I'll get a job helping people with it" completely misses the part about how you would be working with people. If you're not good at that, then you quite simply suck at your job. Don't blame your customers for that; work on improving that part of yourself or find a job that you are suitable for.

I'm sure some of your customers are idiots, but you need to be able to deal with that. Furthermore, a lot of the complaints in this topic are about totally reasonable and understandable customer behavior. To take the OP as an example: the first two questions are totally reasonable as they are about why someone would need to get a personal trainer. They want to know if this is something they need to invest their hard-earned money in. If after question 1 it turns out that they will not be able to "just do it by themselves", they ask a question about whether they cannot get the required knowledge in some cheaper manner (e.g. from a program or perhaps even a book). The third statement is a bit more confrontational, but it's basically just calling attention to the fact that ObsidianJones conveniently left out the part about how he's personally invested in the advice he just gave (which I think is fine by the way).

Here is the thing: of course your customers don't have your level of expertise. If they did, they didn't need you and you wouldn't have a job. In fact, they may know so little about what you do, that they aren't sure if haggling is appropriate or how they should order or what is and isn't normally included in your service or what you can and cannot do. But that is how you make your living. You eat because of these people.

Furthermore, you must realize that you are representing your company. I don't think it's okay to insult customer service employees and I think customers would do good to remember that a lot of things aren't their fault, but if your company does something that annoys that customer you should accept that you're going to be the one hearing about it. It's not like they can call up the CEO. You shouldn't complain about these people, but about (or actually to) your company. That's how it's supposed to work: by passing on customer complaints your company get improve itself, which should decrease the number of disappointed customers you need to deal with. If your company isn't open to such improvements, I feel for you, but it's not your customers' fault.

The problem that you over look is that the vast majority of "complaints" as you put it are of malicious intent or trying to get us to break the rules. As you call me out, yes, writing up a program for someone to follow is breaking the rules. It can cause someone to lose their job. It has happened in places that I worked at. And the offending customer tried it again with two other trainers, including me. And when we didn't comply, we were badmouthed by the customer. That hurts our reputation as trainers and as a company.

From your post, and please correct me if I'm wrong, you make it sound like we didn't understand that we were going to be dealing with people in the public sector. In fact, we all knew we were. But just because we are in the public sector does not mean that we should not have feelings when people try to give us a hard time. The fact that none of us actually say these things (well, one of us did) shows that we understand that we are dealing with customers and we have to put our best face forward. Even if it comes at the cost of pride or our own egos.

I shouldn't be cursed at or called a scam artist because I'm enforcing the rules of my company. Our fellow posters should not be cursed at over food service. In short, just because we provide services does not mean people have the ability to ignore that we are fellow humans and act like fools. Like I said, I had more to say but I wanted to cut it short. I dealt with abuse, and actually having people fling their used towels at me, and sometimes weights when I'm not even paying attention. Company or not, you don't treat other people that way. That's not complaining. That's crossing a line. That's putting my health in danger because someone thinks as a worker there, they have the right to treat me as they want.

But I mean, let's take what you're saying in account. You, yourself, are on a forum. With different ideas and people voicing them in different ways. There's a thread that goes against your sensibilities. You can A.) say to yourself that you're dealing with the interwebs and people are not exactly like how you want. And you have the ability to pass that over and not say a thing. or B.) you can voice your displeasure/disapproval/feelings because something has occurred that you don't think should happen. To me, it seems like you chose B. And I'm glad you did. Because you have a better idea of what this thread is about.

This whole thread is about getting out the frustration that you can't vent at work. It really feels like you're missing out on the fundamental fact that while we're voicing annoyances here, and not to these people. And we continue to have jobs because we find ways to deal with these minute frustrations that does not impede our services and our interactions with customers. I don't see the problem with that.

Customers, please make sure you know where to and from you want to travel before calling a public transport call centre for travel information.
Seriously, I had a lady call up yesterday who wanted to go "somewhere" over the Easter weekend. Literally "somewhere". We're public transport information agents, not travel agents. I've hardly been out of Melbourne, let alone in regional Victoria. I have no information about tourist attractions or fun beaches or anything other than those within Melbourne.
Then there's the "you're useless" customers. Yeah, says the person who needs someone else to find public transport timetables for them. I've travelled on public transport since I was a teenager and didn't even know there was a call centre until I applied for the job.

"Dear Customer, it is my pleasure to inform you--that we take applications every Wednesday. Since you think my job is so %(#- #!&&## easy, why don't you fill one out and get in on some of this 'easy money'"?

"Dear Customer, it is my pleasure to inform you that the idea I took the item you are looking for out of our national ad is
simply ludicrous. The advert is sequentially numbered, and printed on newsprint. You think it is more likely that I purchased a special printer, and spent hours in working with photoshop to deny you your purchase than it is that you just mis-remembered what you saw, or what store's advert it was in? Seriously? How much do you think I get paid?"

"Dear Customer, it is my pleasure to inform you that the rules apply to everyone including you, not everyone excepting you."

"Dear Customer, it is my pleasure to inform you that I do indeed know how much you spend here. And I find it very enlightening, since I *used* to think that *I* was a cheap bastard."

Total LOLige:
I don't know about the U.S but in the UK when someone asks that it means they'll have one portion of chips and fish. Do people really say that when they want ten bags of chips? Just curious

Australia here actually, and yeah. People come in with a family and ask for fish and chips. If I put down a family pack, they end up unhappy 'cause they wanted Grenadier instead of Flake as the fish, and I get in trouble for not checking their order. Others come in with two and ask for fish and chips, and I specify "So just a minimum chips and a flake?" for them, and get told "No, I want $5 chips and 2 King George Whiting". Good for you. Tell me these things, don't assume I'm psychic. There are some that come in and actually do just want a minimum chips and a piece of fried flake, but I have to ask each and every person exactly what they want on their order as there are some idiots who just can't be bothered specifying what they want and think its universally understood.

And on the Maccas thing, never run into that problem really. Go in, ask for just a double cheeseburger, get that repeated back and am asked if there's anything else I'd like, say no and pay. No pushing for drinks, meals or different burgers most of the time, just making sure that's all I want. Does depend where you go though, some of the ones half an hour from the CBD do get a little pushy at times...

Fiad:
I work at a cafe and the most idiotic statement I have heard was "You diluted my latte with milk."

For those who are unaware, a typical latte is a double shot of espresso and then the rest of the cup is milk.

What do they think latte means? it's Italian for MILK, it's like saying "you got to many potatoes in my french fries"

Ooh. 'Tis gun b gud.

During school, I worked at a fast food outlet. With my personal interests readily showing through, I soon started selling and fixing computers. Then I did some teaching for a bit, went on to teach not only kids, but also adults. Big mistake right there. Ignorant and/or stupid kids can oftentimes be nudged, influenced, fixed, despite their silly parents bad influence. Stupid and/or ignorant adults... that spells misanthropy, despair and self hatred right there.

But all that experience is random and absolutely not interesting compared to my current line of work.

Some weeks ago, we acquired a new client. His problem? He was about to inherit a large sum of money (millions) from someone who decided to take a liking to him before dying. You would think... OK, where's the problem? Taxes? Family of the deceased? No tax issues. There was no family. So... no problem, right? Well, the gent freaked out. He freaked out so massively he had to get institutionalized, medicated, put in therapy. We tried to deal with it as best we could. One day, or rather one night, he couldn't reach any of us by phone, and instead of leaving a message, he just went on and killed himself.

The money is now in stasis, causing one hell of a mess. Everyone wants it. The state wants it. They're all going to court and even to war about, I am certain of that.

MagunBFP:

Kaulen Fuhs:
On the other hand, anyone who has ever worked with customers (pretty much everyone) knows how grating some of this shit can be. It doesn't take a metric ton of empathy to put yourself in the local cashier's shoes and not throw a hissy fit every time you don't get your way. Most of the complaints in this thread have been pretty legitimate.

you're right about not throwing hissy fits, and abuse is never acceptibe if a customeris verbally abusive then they've forgotten the first simple rule of "Don't piss off the people who make your food/fix your equipment/insert service type here"

As for not taking much empathy on the part of the customer to put themself into your shoes, thats not unreasonable, but it sounds like most of these complaints are coming from people who feel they've met their empathy quota and decided that, as SaneAmongInsane put it

SaneAmongInsane:
I pretty much don't give a fuck about the customers or what they do...

Having an entirely customer facing role like a cashier and then complaining about customers is like being a fire fighter and complaining about the heat.

For service roles communication is the key, people like to think that it's "that little bit extra" or "going above" the expcted level of customer service but its kinda the big thing. Communicate and set someones expectations and as long as you meet the expectation you put in place, you've delivered good service and people are happy. It's not rocket science.

As an example, it take 4 or so hours to format and rebuild a computer with a new OS, all the updates and restore the customers data on it... in most cases thats close to AU$1000, enough to buy a replacement for the POS that the customer brings us and we tell them that, that way everyone is on the same page. When everyone knows whats going on, people are less likely be be idiots and the ones that are still difficult are don't have a valid arguement because they were given a written estimate before hand.

Ho ho ho, excuse me sir I am NOT complaining.

I see folks complain. I work with folks that complain. The same folks that'll argue with a customer over the lack of the recipt, call down the manager and then the manager decides to go against policy anyway. So I say to them, why not just bloody give the customer what they want. They say to me "the managers will yell at me!" and I say "So fucking what! They're never going to fire you over it" which is true, at my job, very low turn around.

And no, my role as a cashier does not require any communication at all really. Someone put items on the belt, I scan place in the bag, give total, collect cash, make change, send them on their way. The worst is when I get the customer that actually does try to hold a conversation with me because, it's just christ. I'm never mean, but I don't want to talk to anyone when I'm working. Let me just ring you up and send you out the door on your merry way.

Ohhhhhh while I'm at it, the elderly... Had an old woman once break down at my till because she told me her husband just past away and his name was still on her check. Yeah, I did the right thing and tried to comfort her but God that wasn't fun. Nor is dealing with the others from the nursing home that clearly no one comes to visit them and their so lonely for human contact they'll try to make conversation with anyone... which is fine, but I'm a bit of a loner and unless I feel I can curse around a person I don't feel comfortable talking to them.

SaneAmongInsane:

Ho ho ho, excuse me sir I am NOT complaining.

I see folks complain. I work with folks that complain. The same folks that'll argue with a customer over the lack of the recipt, call down the manager and then the manager decides to go against policy anyway. So I say to them, why not just bloody give the customer what they want. They say to me "the managers will yell at me!" and I say "So fucking what! They're never going to fire you over it" which is true, at my job, very low turn around.

And no, my role as a cashier does not require any communication at all really. Someone put items on the belt, I scan place in the bag, give total, collect cash, make change, send them on their way. The worst is when I get the customer that actually does try to hold a conversation with me because, it's just christ. I'm never mean, but I don't want to talk to anyone when I'm working. Let me just ring you up and send you out the door on your merry way.

Ohhhhhh while I'm at it, the elderly... Had an old woman once break down at my till because she told me her husband just past away and his name was still on her check. Yeah, I did the right thing and tried to comfort her but God that wasn't fun. Nor is dealing with the others from the nursing home that clearly no one comes to visit them and their so lonely for human contact they'll try to make conversation with anyone... which is fine, but I'm a bit of a loner and unless I feel I can curse around a person I don't feel comfortable talking to them.

No you're not complaining at all, you're just saying you wish you could do your job without the reason for your job being involved because you're a loner and don't want to deal with people. Also that part in your post about hearing the same joke from everyone, that was a complaint or it was bitching if you don't like the word complaint.

You'd actually be surprised how much communication is a part of your job, while I've never actually been a cashier I have been a customer thousands of times and you may be surprised at the difference between saying the "hi, how are you" that they're obliged to say because you're obliged not and caring about the answer, and saying it then listening to the answer. For the record hearing the answer is different.

Can I suggest you may not be cut out for customer service (due to the whole customer interaction thing being something you would prefer not to be involved in), you might want to try becoming a cleaner or a labourer as these are also releatively unskilled (at least at the very entry level) and can either be isolationist-type jobs or have a relatively loose restrictions on what you can say.

MagunBFP:

SaneAmongInsane:

Ho ho ho, excuse me sir I am NOT complaining.

I see folks complain. I work with folks that complain. The same folks that'll argue with a customer over the lack of the recipt, call down the manager and then the manager decides to go against policy anyway. So I say to them, why not just bloody give the customer what they want. They say to me "the managers will yell at me!" and I say "So fucking what! They're never going to fire you over it" which is true, at my job, very low turn around.

And no, my role as a cashier does not require any communication at all really. Someone put items on the belt, I scan place in the bag, give total, collect cash, make change, send them on their way. The worst is when I get the customer that actually does try to hold a conversation with me because, it's just christ. I'm never mean, but I don't want to talk to anyone when I'm working. Let me just ring you up and send you out the door on your merry way.

Ohhhhhh while I'm at it, the elderly... Had an old woman once break down at my till because she told me her husband just past away and his name was still on her check. Yeah, I did the right thing and tried to comfort her but God that wasn't fun. Nor is dealing with the others from the nursing home that clearly no one comes to visit them and their so lonely for human contact they'll try to make conversation with anyone... which is fine, but I'm a bit of a loner and unless I feel I can curse around a person I don't feel comfortable talking to them.

No you're not complaining at all, you're just saying you wish you could do your job without the reason for your job being involved because you're a loner and don't want to deal with people. Also that part in your post about hearing the same joke from everyone, that was a complaint or it was bitching if you don't like the word complaint.

You'd actually be surprised how much communication is a part of your job, while I've never actually been a cashier I have been a customer thousands of times and you may be surprised at the difference between saying the "hi, how are you" that they're obliged to say because you're obliged not and caring about the answer, and saying it then listening to the answer. For the record hearing the answer is different.

Can I suggest you may not be cut out for customer service (due to the whole customer interaction thing being something you would prefer not to be involved in), you might want to try becoming a cleaner or a labourer as these are also releatively unskilled (at least at the very entry level) and can either be isolationist-type jobs or have a relatively loose restrictions on what you can say.

Dude. It's everyday. I hear the exact same words. The exact same jokes from every costumer. Did you ever see the movie groundhogs day? It's like that. And I have to pretend it's funny. Every single time. I have to hear other customers laugh at it. It's something so minor but sooooooooo fucking aggravating. But I ring up groceries, people just want to get in and get out. I don't buy into this bollocks that I'm working some kind of "shopping experience", do you ever go to the grocery wanting an experience? No. You just want to buy your cereal and leave.

Also about the "How are you" have you ever actually given a damn about whats going on in your random cashier's life? Don't be daft. You don't care. No sane person would, they aren't people they're a conduit for exchanging money. It's not like when you ask them how they are and they tell you "Oh terrible my dog died." that you're going to stand there and offer some genuine reassurance in their time of need. It's never genuine, so why bother? Plus most people just respond with "Good." and I have to fight the urge to correct them.

But no, I'm not complaining about my job. I like what I do, thats why I'm still doing it after 5 years. I got a security license, I could be making a couple dollars more. Admittedly, there are days when I'm just a janitor/trolly guy and I enjoy that far more because that grants me personal freedom to do as I please so long as the work gets done. Jobs not bad, but fuck all is it repetitive.

evilneko:
Dear Customer,

We thank you for your business, really. You've spent $250,000 with us. Even this amount however does not entitle you to being a dick. Customer Y on the other hand has spent over $10,000,000 with us. They can be dicks all they want. Thank you.

This last part made me hesitate.

I personally do not give a shit about the customer's money.
How much they make? Don't care.
How much they've spent with us in the past? Don't care.
Are they looking to give us custom today and therefore be a customer? I'm happy to help.

I spent as much time talking with and helping a customer buy a 7 game for his daughter's birthday (even took the time to dance with the daughter as a distraction so she wouldn't see daddy buying her present) as I do for a guy putting a 1000 order in. I worked in game retail. I knew a lot of people didn't know all the options or were buying for others so I made the time to help them get what they want. I pretty much didn't ever try to upsell unless I really thought it would help the customer's overall enjoyment of the game.

If they are giving us custom, any custom, then they are a customer and should be (initially) treated the same. Preferential treatment will be given to regular customers not because they spend more with us but rather because in all their interactions with us they have proven to be decent people and we are happy to help them.

Millionaires do not get to be dicks because of their money.

Probably the worst instance I've had of this on an "Are you kidding me?" level (I actually had very little interaction with the customer) was when I was working in a pub over summer during University. A fella walks in and orders a steak.
"No problem sir. How would you like it? Great. That'll be X-amount and will be ready in X-time. I'll bring it out to your table when it's ready." He pays and goes back to his table, pint in hand.
The steak comes out of the kitchen and I take it over, wish him a good meal and then go back to the bar to serve drinks. 2 minutes later I've got a free moment so I do a walk-around behind the bar to check on every table.

Sitting on the bar is the man's meal, virtually untouched.

Obviously something was wrong here. I look up and see the guy looking at me from his table. He makes no effort to actually tell me what was wrong with the meal or approach the bar so I could help to solve the problem. No, he just sits there with an expectant look on his face. Now I don't care who you are but if you think there has been a mistake you address the matter with somebody who can help and you do it in a civilised manner. Silently expecting clairvoyance from across the room is not civilised. I don't tolerate anybody trying to pull this "you should know what I want" nonsense so I left the meal there. If at any point he decided to actually address the issue then I'd help.

Until then? Fuck him.

His sheer arrogance was getting in the way of him getting a meal he liked and he could stay that way for all I cared. I had other customers who were pleasant. This goes on for 20 minutes until finally the guy comes up and asks where his replacement meal was. I asked him if he had asked for one with the other staff. Nope. Hadn't said a word to anybody. Sat at his fucking table expecting. Expecting is the root of a lot of customer nonsense I think. They expect things they have no reason to. This guy was actually a food quality judge (we found out later) and didn't like the steak we bought frozen to cook.

The second part of that one sentence would have been grounds to get him another meal and an apology from us. Fucker didn't even deign to speak those words and so got nothing...

...except he did because he complained that nobody had been clairvoyant and fixed the problem only he knew from across the room. Idiot got his money back from our manager and a "Hell no, I'm not apologising to you. Talk to somebody next time!" from me.

I hate the arrogance of expecters. They can all go die and let people who actually communicate their wants and have reasonable views.

Got a problem? Talk to we staff, we'll help if we can, especially if it was our fault. Do not just sit there brooding because I'm not reading your fucking mind, prick.

Every fast food chain needs to have instructions of how to order on the counter for the customers. I wish that wasn't the case, but some people are that fucking incapable at ordering food.

SaneAmongInsane:

Dude. It's everyday. I hear the exact same words. The exact same jokes from every costumer. Did you ever see the movie groundhogs day? It's like that. And I have to pretend it's funny. Every single time. I have to hear other customers laugh at it. It's something so minor but sooooooooo fucking aggravating. But I ring up groceries, people just want to get in and get out. I don't buy into this bollocks that I'm working some kind of "shopping experience", do you ever go to the grocery wanting an experience? No. You just want to buy your cereal and leave.

Also about the "How are you" have you ever actually given a damn about whats going on in your random cashier's life? Don't be daft. You don't care. No sane person would, they aren't people they're a conduit for exchanging money. It's not like when you ask them how they are and they tell you "Oh terrible my dog died." that you're going to stand there and offer some genuine reassurance in their time of need. It's never genuine, so why bother? Plus most people just respond with "Good." and I have to fight the urge to correct them.

But no, I'm not complaining about my job. I like what I do, thats why I'm still doing it after 5 years. I got a security license, I could be making a couple dollars more. Admittedly, there are days when I'm just a janitor/trolly guy and I enjoy that far more because that grants me personal freedom to do as I please so long as the work gets done. Jobs not bad, but fuck all is it repetitive.

Yes you have a mind numbing repetitive job, its entry level and requires zero skill to do. A big part of your job is dealing with customers so if you don't want to deal with people I can see how you'd have a problem, and if you're still entry level after 5 years you may want to lift your goals a little.

As for shopping experience, as you say thats bullshit. I go in, I get my stuff and I get out... though when I get a cashier who reminds me that my very presence there is an annoyance to him then the experience I do have is a bad one.

I probably care about as much about your life as you do about mine, the difference is I convey and interest. Cashier asks my how I'm doing my standard answer is "good, how about you?" they will usually say "fine" or "good" and thats that, brief conversation, we've both made a connection and we can get on with our lives. On occasion though I have found out that the cashier is saving for a trip to Germany, or has things planned for the long weekend, or some other random thing that gets mentioned while they'e scanning and bagging my stuff. If you don't believe that your brief seconds of interaction have an impact then trying not smiling at people, see how quickly they think you're unpersonable. It only takes a moment.

grey_space:
snip

That was incredibly insightful and amusing to boot. Thank you.

Do you have any funny stories c:?

MagunBFP:

SaneAmongInsane:

Dude. It's everyday. I hear the exact same words. The exact same jokes from every costumer. Did you ever see the movie groundhogs day? It's like that. And I have to pretend it's funny. Every single time. I have to hear other customers laugh at it. It's something so minor but sooooooooo fucking aggravating. But I ring up groceries, people just want to get in and get out. I don't buy into this bollocks that I'm working some kind of "shopping experience", do you ever go to the grocery wanting an experience? No. You just want to buy your cereal and leave.

Also about the "How are you" have you ever actually given a damn about whats going on in your random cashier's life? Don't be daft. You don't care. No sane person would, they aren't people they're a conduit for exchanging money. It's not like when you ask them how they are and they tell you "Oh terrible my dog died." that you're going to stand there and offer some genuine reassurance in their time of need. It's never genuine, so why bother? Plus most people just respond with "Good." and I have to fight the urge to correct them.

But no, I'm not complaining about my job. I like what I do, thats why I'm still doing it after 5 years. I got a security license, I could be making a couple dollars more. Admittedly, there are days when I'm just a janitor/trolly guy and I enjoy that far more because that grants me personal freedom to do as I please so long as the work gets done. Jobs not bad, but fuck all is it repetitive.

Yes you have a mind numbing repetitive job, its entry level and requires zero skill to do. A big part of your job is dealing with customers so if you don't want to deal with people I can see how you'd have a problem, and if you're still entry level after 5 years you may want to lift your goals a little.

As for shopping experience, as you say thats bullshit. I go in, I get my stuff and I get out... though when I get a cashier who reminds me that my very presence there is an annoyance to him then the experience I do have is a bad one.

I probably care about as much about your life as you do about mine, the difference is I convey and interest. Cashier asks my how I'm doing my standard answer is "good, how about you?" they will usually say "fine" or "good" and thats that, brief conversation, we've both made a connection and we can get on with our lives. On occasion though I have found out that the cashier is saving for a trip to Germany, or has things planned for the long weekend, or some other random thing that gets mentioned while they'e scanning and bagging my stuff. If you don't believe that your brief seconds of interaction have an impact then trying not smiling at people, see how quickly they think you're unpersonable. It only takes a moment.

Union shop. Raise freeze for the next 5 years. Yeah I can move on to a position with more responsibilities but I wouldn't be getting a raise with it. so "raising my goals" there makes no sense to take on more work for the same pay. Can't leave, I'll never find another job that's this accommodating with the schedule.

Define annoyance. Cause really? You'd really care the person ringing you up didn't treat you like you were the beacon of your day? No I doubt that, unless the cashier was deliberately giving you a bad attitude (which I don't, I'm polite, I'm just not going to go the extra mile), you won't give a damn. You'll be happy you have box of Oreos.

grey_space:

15) I am not Batman. If the ever loving shite is being kicked out of some random idiot around the corner that is regrettable. Truly. But I am not a vigilante and will not go wading into a brawl on a public street Kick-Ass style. I have a duty of care to the people inside. Call a cop. Or send up the Batsignal. If YOU feel in danger, step inside the door and ILL call the cops. I am not a hero. I am a professional.

...Oh dear god, this one left me in stitches sir. I have this mental image in my head of a bouncer reading off each line and this one made me laugh.

I have to ask what experience this one is based off of.

Where I work we sell board games and puzzles. By all means ask me for recommendations- I may not know everything about every game but I'll do my best to point you in the right direction. However, DO NOT come in and expect me to do your shopping for you. It happens mostly around Christmas, but all the time I get people who are present shopping for somebody they barely know, if at all. The conversations follow the same pattern, every time: they tell me they know nothing about the person or their interests, but they always seem to know exactly what the person doesn't want. "No, that doesn't sound like them," "I don't think they'd like that". Fine, but you just told me you don't know what they'd like, and that's precisely why you've asked me to help you. How about instead of wasting my time, you do a little bit of research and come back?


Now, addressing another portion of the customers: do you have to adhere so aggressively to so many nerd stereotypes? You know it is possible to be a nerd and bathe, dress well and use deodorant, right? And you're not fooling anyone into thinking you're cool with that trench-coat; combined with that mountainous flab you just look like a mobile gothic circus tent. Any coolness trench-coats gained from The Matrix has been undone by fat nerds.

As a translator i get the "That is not what they said!" comment.
Sure, if that is what you think, then you probably dont need me. Go do it your F@@@@@G self.

As a beauty salon staff I get "You said I will lose weight. How come I am not losing any weight".
Uh, sure. Maybe if you stop eating so much and get your fat ass to the gym instead of lying around on the bed having some one to massage your cellulite. Geez....

SaneAmongInsane:
Union shop. Raise freeze for the next 5 years. Yeah I can move on to a position with more responsibilities but I wouldn't be getting a raise with it. so "raising my goals" there makes no sense to take on more work for the same pay. Can't leave, I'll never find another job that's this accommodating with the schedule.

Define annoyance. Cause really? You'd really care the person ringing you up didn't treat you like you were the beacon of your day? No I doubt that, unless the cashier was deliberately giving you a bad attitude (which I don't, I'm polite, I'm just not going to go the extra mile), you won't give a damn. You'll be happy you have box of Oreos.

I hope you're fine then after 10 years, only ever having been in an entry level position. It sucks that there are no raises allowed for the next 5 years, but while getting a new job title and more responsibilities with the same pay sucks it at least shows you're developing skills, which is useful in getting other better jobs down the track. This is of course only useful if you don't intend on being a cashier for the rest of your life.

An annoyance, as in someone who is causing extra work, who's presence is preferred anywhere but infront of you, this often presents as indifference. I never said I wanted to be treated like "the beacon of anyone's day" I just don't want to be treated like I'm just thing you have to deal with. Not sure if its happening in America as well, but alot of companies, especially banks in Australia have been distancing themselves from the "customer is just another number" type of service. Even when it comes to banking the point is to have you feel like you're an individual and different from everyone else. No one actually believes it, but when you get good service from somewhere you go, when you get bad or indifferent service it doesn't matter where you go. So yeah I'd be satisfied I've got my Weet-Bix, but I'd be happy I got served by someone who at least seemed happy to be there.

Stryc9:
You'd be surprised at how many people under 30 aren't computer literate in the least. This guy I've worked for in the past has two kids who were constantly not only fucking up their own computers, but then after theirs were well and good screwed up going on to fuck his up too. Both of them are around 18-25 and they're both blooming idiots when it comes to computers. They constantly go around the internet downloading every single "Free movies and TV" toolbar and every other malware scam on the internet. They continuously fall for this shit, clicking on the "win a free iPad" banners and all and then not understanding why the computer doesn't work right any more.

I'm in the unfortunate position of not being educated or certified in PC tech support while still knowing more than most of the people around me. As a result I am constantly asked to diagnose/fix their computers. A typical question goes like this: "My computer has gotten really slow. Can you tell me what's wrong?"
1) Not without looking at it
2) It could be any combination of a dozen different things
3) No, I cannot give you an answer in 25 words or less which will be a snap for you to remember and do yourself, if that were the case you would already have fixed the problem. I can give you a list of fixes to try, but the fact that you asked that question in the first place means you won't be able to use it.
4) No, I won't come to your house and spend hours trying to fix it for free!

Joccaren:

Total LOLige:
I don't know about the U.S but in the UK when someone asks that it means they'll have one portion of chips and fish. Do people really say that when they want ten bags of chips? Just curious

Australia here actually, and yeah. People come in with a family and ask for fish and chips. If I put down a family pack, they end up unhappy 'cause they wanted Grenadier instead of Flake as the fish, and I get in trouble for not checking their order. Others come in with two and ask for fish and chips, and I specify "So just a minimum chips and a flake?" for them, and get told "No, I want $5 chips and 2 King George Whiting". Good for you. Tell me these things, don't assume I'm psychic. There are some that come in and actually do just want a minimum chips and a piece of fried flake, but I have to ask each and every person exactly what they want on their order as there are some idiots who just can't be bothered specifying what they want and think its universally understood.

Bloody hell, the only fish that's sold over here is cod in batter so there's no need to go into specifics when ordering. I'm sure the fancier chip shops sell more kinds of fish but most chip shops I've been in only have one option.

SaneAmongInsane:

...Oh dear god, this one left me in stitches sir. I have this mental image in my head of a bouncer reading off each line and this one made me laugh.

I have to ask what experience this one is based off of.

Nouw:
That was incredibly insightful and amusing to boot. Thank you.

Do you have any funny stories c:?

Not at all thank you! In hope that this doesn't derail the thread, I'll tell you this one story. It's a bit long and I don't know if you'll find it funny but it's one of the reasons I vented about me not being Batman :)

Just as a bit of background I work in a student late bar in a big student town. The general demographic is a bit hipster so the dress code is VERY informal and the customer care attitude in this place is 'casual'. Less 'Good evening Sir' and more 'Hey man hows it goin'.

So I give you The Epic Tale Of Crazy Ronan and Stoner John:

As someone who worked as a dishwasher, I ask that you please don't take your butter packets and smear them around the inside of your glass with your fork. Aside from that, please feel free to enjoy your food as messily as you like; that's what I'm being paid for, after all.

I only had that job for one summer, but you'd be surprised how often I came across that specific scenario. It's a lot more of a pain to get off then one might think.

grey_space:

Me: Possibly. I may not be the Security that you boyfriend needs right now, but I feel I'm definitely the one he deserves.

That is fantastic :D

grey_space:

SaneAmongInsane:

...Oh dear god, this one left me in stitches sir. I have this mental image in my head of a bouncer reading off each line and this one made me laugh.

I have to ask what experience this one is based off of.

Nouw:
That was incredibly insightful and amusing to boot. Thank you.

Do you have any funny stories c:?

Not at all thank you! In hope that this doesn't derail the thread, I'll tell you this one story. It's a bit long and I don't know if you'll find it funny but it's one of the reasons I vented about me not being Batman :)

Just as a bit of background I work in a student late bar in a big student town. The general demographic is a bit hipster so the dress code is VERY informal and the customer care attitude in this place is 'casual'. Less 'Good evening Sir' and more 'Hey man hows it goin'.

So I give you The Epic Tale Of Crazy Ronan and Stoner John:

....God damn you sir, how the hell did you say that line with a straight face? Brilliant story.

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