Who do you think would win in this WWE-style match? (Please read OP first)
Spidermod, the Hero
50.6% (44)
50.6% (44)
DVS BSTrD, the Witty
17.2% (15)
17.2% (15)
V da Mighty Taco, the Crunchy
12.6% (11)
12.6% (11)
Dr. Fetus, the Unloved
19.5% (17)
19.5% (17)
Want to vote? Register now or Sign Up with Facebook
Poll: A 4-way Escapist Battle-Royale! Who Would Win?

 Pages 1 2 NEXT
 

Hello, dear Escapists! Today we're having a completely-imaginary wrestling match for the Escapist Heavyweight Title! It's a battle-royale between four contestants that you all know and maybe love!!!

First off, we have the amazing Spidermod! The current Heavyweight Champion for five months running, he / she will be defending his / her title tonight against the other three contestants. Will he / she be able to hold the title, or will his / her heroic beauty and strength fail? EDIT: Spidermod's BanHammer of Great Justice is not allowed, as such a hero is too honorable to use such an OP weapon to defend his / her title.

Next up, we have DVS BSTrD. Known for his on-the-fly thinking, he managed to beat the Escapist Wrestling Federation's chairman in last weeks ladder-match and secured himself a shot at Spidermod's title. But can his impressive wit overcome Spidermod's sexiness and raw power as well as the other two contestants?

In the third corner, we have V da Mighty Taco!!! Beloved by all...

..., He must compete with two of the EFW's greatest warriors. Even with him being the very definition of magnificence, can he overcome such terrifying opposition?

Last and most certainly least, we have Dr. Fetus from Super Meat Boy.

image

However, nobody likes Dr. Fetus, so he's not worth talking about.

Who will win? Who will lose? Who will end up being someone's dinner? Vote in the poll above, and let the popula-... battle begin!!!!

IMPORTANT: If DVS or Spidermod are genuinely bothered by this thread, then feel free to remove this thread or contact a mod do so. 'Tis meant to be a silly thread, not an offensive one.

I'd win.
I'd knock out one of the challengers and take his place, like Edge did in one of the Elimination Chamber matches.
Then I'd win.

As only the Spidermod wields a banhammer, my money is on her.

Sassafrass:
I'd win.
I'd knock out one of the challengers and take his place, like Edge did in one of the Elimination Chamber matches.
Then I'd win.

This I've got to see.

It's painfully obvious what would happen...let me paint a picture for you!

The Spider-Mod starts with a swing of the ban-hammer! He crushes Dr Fetus and completely obliterates him!

Meanwhile, Mighty Taco backs away slowly in fear and bumps into DVS, who is too busy twirling around in his chair in glee to notice the fight. Taco and SpiderMod square off. Swinging the Banhammer, SpiderMod aims for Taco's head. Taco ducks the shot but DVS, too busy having fun spinning around in his chair, gets blasted by the banhammer and flies away, team rocket style. Taco attempts to kick at SpiderMod, who deftly dodges. SpiderMod swings the banhammer, crushing poor Taco. Spider-Mod, reveling in victory, turns his back to the entrance when...OH MY GOD!

Tippy2k2, the greatest and most sexy man to have ever graced The Escapist runs down the entrance ramp with a steel chair in his hand! Obviously, all of the females in the audience swoon and faint but luckily, the referee is a man. Striking with the steel chair, he takes down Spider-Mod and Tippy2K2 wins the Battle Royale! Spider-Mod, shaken by the shot, attempts to attack Tippy2K2 when his back is turned but didn't expect my XCOM Army to be waiting underneath the ring. They all dive in front of the Banhammer, stopping the attack with their crushed and mutilated bodies and Tippy2K2 hits him again!

The music plays and the scene fades with Tippy2K2 holding the belt up in his hand while on the top turnbuckle.

EDIT: Apologies to our dear DVS. I swear that yours was Krang or whatever that brain lookin thing from TMNT was your avatar. I have adjusted my post to properly reflect this.

Redlin5:
As only the Spidermod wields a banhammer, my money is on her.

Sassafrass:
I'd win.
I'd knock out one of the challengers and take his place, like Edge did in one of the Elimination Chamber matches.
Then I'd win.

This I've got to see.

Just look at the avatar and that's what you'd see.
Just imagine the guy being fatter and shorter though. >_>

It's sky14kemea hands down. DVS BSTrD - does not exist, that's just an urban legend, I don't think I've even heard of this "V da Mighty Taco" thing - so it's not even a legend. It must have been Dr. Fetus who spread these rumours around and with such an underhanded tactic, it is obvious that the champion of truth and justice - the Spidermod, would win.

Sassafrass:
I'd win.
I'd knock out one of the challengers and take his place, like Edge did in one of the Elimination Chamber matches.
Then I'd win.

SAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHSSAAAAAAAAHHHFRAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHSSSS!!! XD

Out of the four legal candidates anyway, it has to be Spidermod. She does wield the mighty Banhammer after all. Unfortunately for DVS, hammer beats cutting wit each and every time.

Redlin5:
*Snip*

tippy2k2:
*Moar Snip*

Andy Shandy:
*Super Saiyan 4 Snip*

Okay, new rules - No BanHammer of Great Justice for Spidermod. Spidermod is the Hero of the People, and as such it would be dishonorable to defend her / his title with something like a mighty hammer. If that explanation doesn't work for you, then the Hammer's in the shop for repairs. :p

Pretty sure I win all the things.

Ain't nothing higher than God Tier :D

ME! I'd win. No one can best me.

I think we all know who wins everything around here...
HINT: It's me.

You can't have a Battle Royal with four people! This is just your run-of-the-mill Fatal 4-way! 1/5 stars, would not pay to see.

I dare say it would be DVD BSTRD. He has the smarts to take on all challengers!

I am curious why you picked those specific escapists.

lacktheknack casts Scream of Doom!

image

sky14kmea faints!

DVS BSTrD faints!

V da Mighty Taco faints!

Dr. Fetus faints!

Referee faints!

lacktheknack faints!

Entire audience faints!

So the winner is obviously Stanley Kubrick.

I don't know who would win but I would most definitely use my epic lurking powers to steal the champion belt while everyone was busy fighting. Then I would go back to lurking, taking the belt with me into the dark abyss.

lacktheknack:
lacktheknack casts Scream of Doom!

image

sky14kmea faints!

DVS BSTrD faints!

V da Mighty Taco faints!

Dr. Fetus faints!

Referee faints!

lacktheknack faints!

Entire audience faints!

So the winner is obviously Stanley Kubrick.

Nah, I brought earplugs. So it's not very effective.

canadamus_prime:

lacktheknack:
lacktheknack casts Scream of Doom!

image

sky14kmea faints!

DVS BSTrD faints!

V da Mighty Taco faints!

Dr. Fetus faints!

Referee faints!

lacktheknack faints!

Entire audience faints!

So the winner is obviously Stanley Kubrick.

Nah, I brought earplugs. So it's not very effective.

Conclusion: canadamus_prime is Stanley Kubrick.

Everyone spread the word.

Oh, Spidermod, hands down.

Not because (s)he's a mod, but because (s)he's half spider! (S)he could use the webs to capture the opponents and use the Spider Sense that... spiders have apparently, to avoid any oncoming attacks!

Normally I find these threads too silly for my taste, but for some reason I can't help but pick a side. :P

lacktheknack:

canadamus_prime:

lacktheknack:
lacktheknack casts Scream of Doom!

image

sky14kmea faints!

DVS BSTrD faints!

V da Mighty Taco faints!

Dr. Fetus faints!

Referee faints!

lacktheknack faints!

Entire audience faints!

So the winner is obviously Stanley Kubrick.

Nah, I brought earplugs. So it's not very effective.

Conclusion: canadamus_prime is Stanley Kubrick.

Everyone spread the word.

Wait, I'm Stanley Kubrick because I figured out the incredibly obvious weakness to your attack? ...Ok, let's go with that.

Pff. I WIN. I WIN DUE TO ME WARPING ALL OF YOU TWATS OUT OF EXISTENCE. >:-D

Try again? Y/N/Q

The audience wins of course... nothing's going to beat a spectacle like this for years!

-_-

Fetus wins after a low blow to Spidermod

Daystar Clarion:
Pretty sure I win all the things.

Ain't nothing higher than God Tier :D

I think Kratos would take that as a challenge.

Can I take you on for the title of Taco teh Crunchy?

Because we both know this battle needs to happen

Like right now

1v1 me, pleb

Daystar Clarion:
Pretty sure I win all the things.

Ain't nothing higher than God Tier :D

Don't you remember? You got beaten by Dr. Fetus two weeks ago after his pet giant worm surprised you! How else do you think he made it this far? It certainly wasn't because people like him. :p

(Serious note, I was wanting to put something like this into Dr. Fetus's description, that he beat you out for a chance at the title. However, the whole "he isn't worth talking about" bit seemed funnier to use. It's still the canon story I'm running with. XD)

PsychicTaco115:
Can I take you on for the title of Taco teh Crunchy?

Because we both know this battle needs to happen

Like right now

1v1 me, pleb

Aren't you already the Saucy? >:p (pun very much intended!)

kailus13:
I dare say it would be DVD BSTRD. He has the smarts to take on all challengers!

I am curious why you picked those specific escapists.

Long story short, I thought the idea of three two well known Escapists, one not-so-well-known Escapist *sobs*, and Dr. Fetus would be a funny match. Daystar was too obvious though, so DVS it was! The canon story is that Daystar was beaten out by Fetus two weeks ago. (If Daystar's genuinely offended by this, I'll change the story to something else)

V da Mighty Taco:

PsychicTaco115:
Can I take you on for the title of Taco teh Crunchy?

Because we both know this battle needs to happen

Like right now

1v1 me, pleb

Aren't you already the Saucy? >:p (pun very much intended!)

I don't get it, but since we're already here...

CAGE MATCH!

Maybe we can get John Cena to commentate or something!

PsychicTaco115:

V da Mighty Taco:

PsychicTaco115:
Can I take you on for the title of Taco teh Crunchy?

Because we both know this battle needs to happen

Like right now

1v1 me, pleb

Aren't you already the Saucy? >:p (pun very much intended!)

I don't get it, but since we're already here...

CAGE MATCH!

Maybe we can get John Cena to commentate or something!

Saucy, because tacos often have taco sauce on them. Saucy can also mean heavily sexualized, hence why it's a pun.

I vote for Really Good Bacon, because bacon conquers all.

PsychicTaco115:
CAGE MATCH!

How would the match involve Nicolas Cage? Is it one where two people are fighting but Nick is also fighting them (but they are not allowed to attack him) or something? Because that sounds cool - a battle with obstacles.

PsychicTaco115:

V da Mighty Taco:

PsychicTaco115:
Can I take you on for the title of Taco teh Crunchy?

Because we both know this battle needs to happen

Like right now

1v1 me, pleb

Aren't you already the Saucy? >:p (pun very much intended!)

I don't get it, but since we're already here...

CAGE MATCH!

Maybe we can get John Cena to commentate or something!

John Cena, commentating?
He'll botch that somehow. He always botches. Get CM Punk instead.

Much better. :D

Kross.

Kross wins all the things. Then makes it so it never happened. Then makes it happen again, just for the hell of it. Then he makes it happen with thundersnow, shelf clouds and a break dancing Jimothy Sterling.

So yeah, Kross.

Me. I won't even need to fight... And y'know why? Because;

image

In fact, I appoint myself Forum Bruce Campbell.

Daystar: "Quick, the Escapist is being possessed by Candarian demons! We're doomed!"
Me: "Oh... Are we?" *attaches chainsaw to arm* "groovy!"

What was this about? Oh yes... I'd win because, basically, I'm fantastic... Spidermod comes second because she's(she? he?) got Spiderman powers! And is a mod...

CrazyCapnMorgan:
Kross.

Kross wins all the things. Then makes it so it never happened. Then makes it happen again, just for the hell of it. Then he makes it happen with thundersnow, shelf clouds and a break dancing Jimothy Sterling.

So yeah, Kross.

I dare say Susan Arendt could kick his butt if need be.

All hail the Queen!

Sky wins every time. She'd just break reality with her anime girl voice. It would be over before it began.

Ahhhh my moneys on the guy that wins!

 Pages 1 2 NEXT

Reply to Thread

This thread is locked