Girlfriend Zone!

 Pages 1 2 3 4 5 6 NEXT
 

On facebook, someone posted this link: http://literaryreference.tumblr.com/post/50677204942/why-do-men-keep-putting-me-in-the-girlfriend-zone

And I immediately thought about the Escapist because the topic of the friendzone has been talked about plenty.

That being said... I have no real purpose of posting this. Just tell me what you think of it. Maybe you find it amusing or annoying. Like the comment section except here because I don't feel like reading all of that on the site.

The satire was kind of too blatant for my taste, but it was still pretty funny. It really does sound a lot like the thousands of Friendzone threads we've seen here... just with a few choice nouns swapped out.

Fappy:
The satire was kind of too blatant for my taste, but it was still pretty funny. It really does sound a lot like the thousands of Friendzone threads we've seen here... just with a few choice nouns swapped out.

The return of the winking cat.

At first that seemed like a satire, but actually, no, that looks like it's just the friendzone from the other person's PoV. As such it's depressing rather than funny.

--

Satire or not, it's still true for a part of the time at least. There are plenty of guys out there that will see every female friend they get as a potential mate. This girl likes me and we get along really well? She must be the one! What? She really just likes me and gets along with me well and doesn't want to go further than that? I feel so betrayed by her now even though it's my fault for only seeing her as a potential girlfriend just because we got along so well!

I'm not sure how much of that is satire and how much of it is her actually just trying to understand guys but she doesn't really seem to understand guys, but I feel like that was probably intentional because most of the guys who make Friendzone threads don't understand girls.

sanquin:
Satire or not, it's still true for a part of the time at least. There are plenty of guys out there that will see every female friend they get as a potential mate. This girl likes me and we get along really well? She must be the one! What? She really just likes me and gets along with me well and doesn't want to go further than that? I feel so betrayed by her now even though it's my fault for only seeing her as a potential girlfriend just because we got along so well!

The sad part is that these guys don't realize how obvious it is that that's how they think.

I know one guy because we orbit the same friend group (though we aren't really friends we're on good terms). I'm not physically his type (being nearly a foot taller and black) nor am I in personality but plenty of our mutual friends are. He gets all clingy and cuddlesome with female friends. He'll even offhandedly as a "joke" that's not really a joke go "you're the kind of girl I could marry" to every other girl he's close to. The worst of it is when he found out one of our friends was a lesbian and had started to date our other friend he did not stop this behavior until they disowned him as a friend all together. Keep in mind he backed off with our other mutual female friend when she started dating a guy, so it was like he didn't count their relationship as a real thing because they were gay....

Ouch. Would it be hoping to much to figure maybe losing two friends might have snapped him out of that?

*Continuing from the comments*

It's simple. Men have way-too-strong sex drives and women are too good looking, which is not helped by man's visual sexual nature. Women are way better looking than men, from an objective standpoint even.

Another cause of the problem is western society. A lot of the media and movies we watch and grew up by never depict friend-zoning. Always a linear process, acquaintance to friend to girlfriend, just like The Sims led me to believe as a kid. As a matter of fact, that's how I believed human relationships worked until I was 18. Apparently it's not that simple.

The only conceivable solution I can come up with is a kind of relationship-system reform. Like a communism of relationships if you will. Think about it, why did the social construct of the relationship turn out this way? Why couldn't they have been entirely polygamous, or pansexual? What would they have turned out like if Christianity or religion never existed?

We would have to give this relationship movement a buzzword and broadcast it over Facebook. Maybe just relationship communism? That sounds pretty good.

Heh.

I kind of want to make fun of it, but it's depressingly accurate.

Hm. One thing that strikes me in regard to this... issue. Can't you "respect someone as a person" and want to get in their pants at the same time? Because I'm pretty sure you can. But it seems to be frequently inferred that that is not the case.

T-Spin Triple:
*Continuing from the comments*

It's simple. Men have way-too-strong sex drives and women are too good looking, which is not helped by man's visual sexual nature. Women are way better looking than men, from an objective standpoint even.

Another cause of the problem is western society. A lot of the media and movies we watch and grew up by never depict friend-zoning. Always a linear process, acquaintance to friend to girlfriend, just like The Sims led me to believe as a kid. As a matter of fact, that's how I believed human relationships worked until I was 18. Apparently it's not that simple.

The only conceivable solution I can come up with is a kind of relationship-system reform. Like a communism of relationships if you will. Think about it, why did the social construct of the relationship turn out this way? Why couldn't they have been entirely polygamous, or pansexual? What would they have turned out like if Christianity or religion never existed?

We would have to give this relationship movement a buzzword and broadcast it over Facebook. Maybe just relationship communism? That sounds pretty good.

Well, I don't accept that women are objectively more attractive then men. Otherwise, fair enough.

I find it odd how people are acting as though attraction is a choice. Just like some people cannot help that they don't find somebody attractive as a partner, people cannot help who they develop sexual or romantic feelings for.

If you are sexually and romantically attracted to somebody you can't just flick an "off" switch to magic away those feelings. So you have the choice of spending time with them, constantly battling with those feelings, or you can distance yourself from them as a means to stop torturing yourself, and making things uncomfortable between the two of you.

It's not so much that they don't want to be friends any more, it's that it is incredibly difficult to remain so when your feelings for one another are not compatible. Personally in my experience I normally see the person who wants to be just friends drift away more often than not, as its difficult to be friends knowing the person views them differently.

This isn't a male or female thing either, it's relevant to both sexes.

People need to be more blunt I think. Both sides are equally at fault for not just being open about it and getting it done with. Either just say hey I like you and either person ask the other to go see a movie or go out to eat then see how it goes. I am a very blunt person and this is probably hurting my relationship prospects but society has just instilled the dumbest behaviors into people.

Also guys in a friendzone situation need to just think well if she isn't interested then fuck her that is her loss, don't keep trying it is a waste of time. You will get far more out of building some self esteem then trying for a lost cause.

Just because you swap words in the same story doesn't make it good satire. This just seemed like really lazy writing.

'he asked me on a date so he must not care about me as a person'

How does that make any sense at all? Even as satire that just doesn't work.

Well I don't make friends with girls because I think it's pointless. Alright if I just want to hang out and have a good time, I will do it with other guys. Let me be blunt about this. Think girls can be fun to hang out with as well. Find the idea of a girl just wanting to be just a friend kind of harsh. Likes everything about me. All we do all day is joke around and have a good time. Know that there is a part of every guy that knows that she thinks you are not attractive enough to date. Never tell you that. If that is not case, heres another. If you are just a back up guy she has around in case all the other guys don't work out. Got to say that it makes me sound like a insecure asshole. A girl would just say, "hey I am not attracted to you, do you want to be friends?" Know it's harsh, the truth hurts.
friendzone photo: friendzone friendzone.jpg

88chaz88:

Ratties:
Well I don't make friends with girls because I think it's pointless.

Far too obvious. 2/10

Well you can't just slap a troll label on everything and be done with it. A point of view bothers you, perhaps it's better to ask why. Like how you highlighted one sentence. Thinking you didn't read the rest. Find my inbox to be full with people calling me the escapist devil because I don't make friends with women.

I find this topic to be incredibly hard to discuss, mainly because anecdotes and personal experiences are the only things you can truly bring to the table.
Gender, age, sexuality and individuals involved are all different and all relevant on a case by case basis, but there are a few ground rules I think we should remember:

1- sexual interest does not exclude respectful relations as friends or lovers, we don't pick and choose our sexuality.

2- people are not static beings, we perpetualy change the way we look at the world and may fall in and out of love, that's just a consequence of having a personality.

3- gender roles suck, get rid of 'em, seriously. :/

4- being rejected by someone you genuinely care about hurts, but it is important that both parties stay level-headed about the situation, being rejected is not something you can blame the other for and avoidance may just salvage hurt feelings before things can get worse, or more awkward.

and lastly, please don't post things like "Oh, this thread again?!", I think it's a good thing these threads excist for sharing perspectives and stories as long as we can stay away from another gender war.

Zhukov:
One thing that strikes me in regard to this... issue. Can't you "respect someone as a person" and want to get in their pants at the same time? Because I'm pretty sure you can. But it seems to be frequently inferred that that is not the case.

I think the problem is that once you know someone wants to get into your pants, it calls their motivations into question. Without mind-reading capabilities, it's difficult to know for certain whether that guy is hanging on to your every word because he's genuinely interested in what you're saying, or because he's hoping that you might sleep with him. The same applies to any situation where there's a possible ulterior motive for being friendly (such as an employee who wants a promotion from their boss).

However, for pretty obvious reasons, this should pretty much always be the case for a boyfriend/girlfriend. And it seems to work out fine in the real world (for people who aren't teenagers, anyway). ;)

Father Time:
'he asked me on a date so he must not care about me as a person'

How does that make any sense at all? Even as satire that just doesn't work.

Substitute "he asked me on a date" for "he just wants to sleep with me", which is what a lot of very insecure (teenage) girls automatically read into it. I think the point is to parody the insecure guys who obsess about having being "friend-zoned". Just because a girl doesn't fancy you doesn't mean you're ugly (you're probably just not her type), and just because a guy wants to go on a date with you doesn't mean all he wants is to get into your pants.

I'm not one of those people who thinks the friendzone doesn't exist (though most people who complain about it have it backwards as far as cause and effect go.) But yeah this is a brilliant satire of people who complain about being "friendzoned" and also hilariously accurate. I'd almost take 15 minutes alone with any given one of my girlfriend's male "friends" and a meat tenderizer over winning the lottery at this point. The "girlfriend zone" might as well be just as real a thing as the friend zone is.

Fappy:
The satire was kind of too blatant for my taste, but it was still pretty funny. It really does sound a lot like the thousands of Friendzone threads we've seen here... just with a few choice nouns swapped out.

The satire was blatant, but I think it served the author's point rather effectively.

Ratties:
Well I don't make friends with girls because I think it's pointless. Alright if I just want to hang out and have a good time, I will do it with other guys. Let me be blunt about this. Think girls can be fun to hang out with as well. Find the idea of a girl just wanting to be just a friend kind of harsh. Likes everything about me. All we do all day is joke around and have a good time. Know that there is a part of every guy that knows that she thinks you are not attractive enough to date. Never tell you that. If that is not case, heres another. If you are just a back up guy she has around in case all the other guys don't work out. Got to say that it makes me sound like a insecure asshole. A girl would just say, "hey I am not attracted to you, do you want to be friends?" Know it's harsh, the truth hurts.

I think you have an odd understanding of how friendships with the opposite sex work. I can't speak for all women, but I don't meet men, think, "He's not good enough for a relationship, so I'll just be friends with him," and then relegate him to the "friend" bin. My default response is just to befriend men, and then I might start developing feelings for him.

It seems like you think the process goes like this:
Meet him -> consider him as a partner -> (if he's not attractive) -> consider him as a friend

It actually, in my experience, goes like this:
Meet him -> consider him as a friend -> (if he's compatible) -> consider him as a partner

Due to my interests and personality, I generally find I get along better with men and end up as a female minority in male-dominated social circles. I'd say that if I seriously considered some of them, I would find them attractive, but there's no way I can have a serious relationship with every single guy I am attracted to. I could sleep around, I guess, but that's not my style, and I don't think my friends would want that either.

88chaz88:

Ratties:

Well you can't just slap a troll label on everything and be done with it. A point of view bothers you, perhaps it's better to ask why. Like how you highlighted one sentence. Thinking you didn't read the rest. Find my inbox to be full with people calling me the escapist devil because I don't make friends with women.

Fuck it, I'm bored so I'll feed you. Let it not be said that I'm uncharitable.

I don't have a problem with your view. I seriously doubt that any woman right now despairing as they realise they'll never get the benefits of your friendship, because you seem like such a charming person. In fact I just find the thought of choosing your friends based on gender being irrevocably sad. Why would you even do that? Is it because you're afraid of cooties, or are you afraid of finding them attractive and won't be able to control yourself leaving you open to rejection because you're so socially awkward you can't turn a friendship into more?

This post could easily turn into one long spew of insults so I'll just leave it there. I think you're a troll because not only is your position so monumentally stupid it shouldn't even require rebuttal, but also because I find it rather pitiful if true.

Edit: Also mods, I despise your "low content" rule. It should be pretty easy to recognise a blatant +1 post.

Edit2: Actually the biggest reason I despise it is because the warning message is just too impersonal and no fun.

Well it's always fun to talk to people that get mad at others for not thinking the way they do. As always, take care random person who think I am not charming and also a troll because of a different point of view.

image


I don't understand people who say the friendzone doesn't exist.
It's quite possible for someone to reject someone else as a relationship partner, but still accept them as a friend.

Since this phenomenon DOES exist, then by extension, the friendzone exists too.

Combustion Kevin:
and lastly, please don't post things like "Oh, this thread again?!"

But it actually is 'this thread again'.

We had this thread only a month ago...

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.405932-Female-Friendzone

I like satire. Not sure about this one though.

Ratties:

Well it's always fun to talk to people that get mad at others for not thinking the way they do. As always, take care random person who think I am not charming and also a troll because of a different point of view.

Now who's not reading posts...

Though I guess it is a bit much having to open them. No wonder I don't post here much.

IceForce:

Combustion Kevin:
and lastly, please don't post things like "Oh, this thread again?!"

But it actually is 'this thread again'.

We had this thread only a month ago...

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.405932-Female-Friendzone

one month already?

no wonder nobody replies there anymore.

I hate it when girls just shove me in the boyfriend zone-I mean here's a nice girl that I just want to be friends with and she's like "I want your cock Inside me" and I'm like "I'm flattered but can't we just be friends?" and then she calls me a Homo and spreads rumors about me :(
Why is it that all girls think about is sex-sex-sex can't we just you know watch Seinfeld and cuddle is that so hard,but no they just see me as a giant walking dildo-sometimes I wish that I wasn't so good looking-and great in bed it's just causes me problems T_T

IceForce:

I don't understand people who say the friendzone doesn't exist.
It's quite possible for someone to reject someone else as a relationship partner, but still accept them as a friend.

Since this phenomenon DOES exist, then by extension, the friendzone exists too.

I think that people don't object quite so much to the 'technical' definition of 'the friendzone', but rather to the connotations attached to it. We do all agree that sometimes, one person will reject their admirer because they only want to be friends.

The thing is, the term carries a lot of additional meaning. There's a tone of entitlement attached to it - "I'm such a nice guy, but girls still won't put out; girls only like jerks; I'm totally friendzoned." It would be humorously ironic if it weren't such a dangerous sentiment due to the somewhat misogynistic assumptions attached to it. I know a fair number of guys who hear other guys complaining about being friendzoned, and it has warped their perceptions of how to interact with women. It's completely unfair to expect someone to enter a relationship with you just because you're being nice to them, and yet not only has this expectation come to exist, the people holding that expectation actually seem to feel victimised by their rejection.

It's not the term itself that people object to - it's this warped view of relationships that people are seeking to debunk.

Legion:
I find it odd how people are acting as though attraction is a choice. Just like some people cannot help that they don't find somebody attractive as a partner, people cannot help who they develop sexual or romantic feelings for.

If you are sexually and romantically attracted to somebody you can't just flick an "off" switch to magic away those feelings. So you have the choice of spending time with them, constantly battling with those feelings, or you can distance yourself from them as a means to stop torturing yourself, and making things uncomfortable between the two of you.

It's not so much that they don't want to be friends any more, it's that it is incredibly difficult to remain so when your feelings for one another are not compatible. Personally in my experience I normally see the person who wants to be just friends drift away more often than not, as its difficult to be friends knowing the person views them differently.

This isn't a male or female thing either, it's relevant to both sexes.

In my limited experience, you nailed it.

Zhukov:
Can't you "respect someone as a person" and want to get in their pants at the same time?

It's called wanting to get into their heart. I think anyway, I'm not an expert on the subject so don't quote me on it.

Autotelic:

It seems like you think the process goes like this:
Meet him -> consider him as a partner -> (if he's not attractive) -> consider him as a friend

It actually, in my experience, goes like this:
Meet him -> consider him as a friend -> (if he's compatible) -> consider him as a partner

Fun thing, as I grew the fuck up and started to think in the more sensible way (looking for friends before partners) I suddenly fell out of the idiotic 'friendzone' speeches and got everything from female friends to partners which worked out fine.

And the few times where it did not work out I just requested a few weeks pause to sort out my/our feelings and then continued the friendship.

OT: I think that there's much more fluidity to the 'friend zone' than a lot of people think. Someone can be considered a friend but move in to relationshiptown quite easily, but upon break-up can still go back to a nice comfy house in the friend zone rather than acting like a child and jumping off the Cliff of Resentment.

Weatherking:

Legion:
I find it odd how people are acting as though attraction is a choice. Just like some people cannot help that they don't find somebody attractive as a partner, people cannot help who they develop sexual or romantic feelings for.

If you are sexually and romantically attracted to somebody you can't just flick an "off" switch to magic away those feelings. So you have the choice of spending time with them, constantly battling with those feelings, or you can distance yourself from them as a means to stop torturing yourself, and making things uncomfortable between the two of you.

It's not so much that they don't want to be friends any more, it's that it is incredibly difficult to remain so when your feelings for one another are not compatible. Personally in my experience I normally see the person who wants to be just friends drift away more often than not, as its difficult to be friends knowing the person views them differently.

This isn't a male or female thing either, it's relevant to both sexes.

In my limited experience, you nailed it.

The nail has been struck on the head.
I find it best for me to cut myself off cold-turkey when it starts getting to be a serious problem-- it's been an actual problem for me recently, when a good friend I'd been falling into a more and more sexual relationship with (she's easily teased, I can't help myself) said yes to the first asshole to ask her out, and then genuinely tried to be a loyal girlfriend. We did our best to keep things platonic, but when old habits proved too hard to break, I apologized and took a month long mental cold-shower. Unfortunately, I failed to explain why thoroughly enough and she took it personally :/

 Pages 1 2 3 4 5 6 NEXT

Reply to Thread

This thread is locked