Come Up with Achievements for XBone TV

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There was an article the other day about MS's attempt to patent achievements for watching TV using your XBone. Let's come up with some of our own achievements for them.

Achievement Unlocked - Hey
Spend at least one hour with the Kinect camera covered up.

You do know how the thing on top of your TV works, right?
Watch porn in front of the Kinect.

Nothing like the breeze between the knees
Play through an entire game naked.

Sexy Party
Play a party game with at least three other people... and everyone is naked.

Achievement unlocked - First world problem
couldnt be bothered conatantly reaching for remote so bought a 400+ console just so you never will again.....sucker!!!

as you can tell im still upset by microsoft's conference.

Achievement unlocked - You must be new here...

Bought the Xbone, with actual money.

What is the point of it all?
-Say, in front of the XBoneBox, with these exact words: "Geee, why do I need this thing to watch TV again?"

Achievement unlocked - Nothing's on...
Channel surf for five minutes straight.

The best achievement I can think of for any TV is turning it off. :)
Achievement unlocked: "life". :p

Some men...
Got a call from a friend while watching tv and had them spoil the current episode you are watching.

Achievement unlocked - Bahahahahaha
Turn on your Xbone for the first time.

Put on a pot of coffee, Marge...
Remain motionless for one hour (couches only).

'Will I dream... Dave.': Throw your Kinect out a fucking window.

'Easy mistake to make.': Try and put an old VHS into the disk drive of your Xbox ONE.

Something to do with singalong Glee episodes. I can't be bothered to think of something witty.

"I spy with my little eye..."
Turned on your XBone.

Achievement Unlocked: NERD!
Watch a full episode of Dr. Who

Achievement Unlocked: NERD!!!
Watched a full episode of Star Trek (any incarnation)

Achievement Unlocked: Shouldn't you be watching Football?!
Spend over 24 hours on any channel but ESPN

Achievement Unlocked: Backwards Thinker
Play either Halo 2 or Fable on your Xbox 360 while being watched by the Kinect2.0

Achievement Unlocked: Thank Your Parents
Spend 24 hours or more watching children's entertainment

Achievement Unlocked: Player
Boot up your first game. You could be watching TV ya know?!

Achievement Unlocked: Petty Fanboy
Play any other console while being watched by the Kinect2.0

Achievement Unlocked: Unreasonable Fanboy
Play any Mario game on their home console while being watched by the Kinect 2.0

Achievement Unlocked: Fantasy is Reality
Your fantasy football team has won the Superbowl! Congratulations!!

image

Life goal.

"She'll never even know"
Your Xbone night stand was recorded with Kinect 2.0

"Come full circle"
Used your multimedia entertainment machine to play a video game.

"Probably never heard of them"
Downloaded an indie game from Xbone Live.

"Don't want no Dil-Dough"
Used your Kinect for the first time.

"It's time to stop playing"
Kinect 2.0 sensed your increased heart rate.

You watched BBC 2 for 24 hours.....20 points. :-)

An if MS did more, imagine if they showed how series in one sitting? I really feel sorry for completionists, they are going to be tortured by this.

Would be better if my girlfriend gave out achievements. ;-)

"Braindead"
Actually bought and Xbox One.

"Real gamers have no friends"
Spend at least 75% of the summer at home.

"The virtue of patience"
Don't change channels or leave the room while a long update is being installed.

"You check the furnace, I'll check the cesspool."
Had your Kinect locate your controller for you.

"Bad Company, I can't deny"
Find out that the XBox One violate some sort of consumer protection law in your country and then tell everyone at work about having a glorified black paperweight.

"You, too, shall know my pain..."
Whenever your Kinect turns on unexpectedly, you moon the Kinect at point blank range.

"...and smile its black-toothed grin."
While mooning the Kinect, produce a fart that lasts for 5 seconds or more.

Ah, I look forward to checking this thread at a later time.

Achievement Unlocked - Who's that guy again?

Spent an entire program asking the person next to you to explain basic details about the plot.

Achievement Unlocked - Just getting a soda.

Walked in front of the screen during a critical moment and prevented everyone from seeing it.

Achievement Unlocked - 2,000 channels and nothing to watch.

Spent more than half an hour channel-flicking.

Achievement Unlocked - Do the random flail.

Couldn't figure out how to work the Kinect and randomly flailed your arms in an attempt to get it to do what you wanted.

Achievement Unlocked - Did you say, "Xbox, go gnome?"

The Kinect doesn't respond to you because it failed to understand your accent or speech impediment.

Achievement Unlocked - Sit perfectly still.

Become too paranoid to move because the Xbox One has a terrible habit of interpreting any slight movement within its field of vision as an instruction to exit out of anything you're watching and enjoying.

Achievement Unlocked - Caught with your pants down.

The always on Kinect causes you to be seen in a state of undress by someone else.

Achievement Unlocked - EVERYBODY SHUT THE HELL UP!

The motion and voice controls turn out to be completely impossible to work if you use it in a group or family setting.

Achievement Unlocked - Lolbye

Threw the Xbox One into the trash because you're sick of this shit.

"General Igonorance" - Minus 20G or what Stephen Fry sees fit.
You answered incorrectly in the General Ignorance round of QI.

"Survivor" 100G
Watched every episode of Lost, even after S2 when it got shit

" 'Movie' Star"
Have sex in front of Kinect

"I'm sorry, Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that."(Complete with HAL voice) - 10G
Attempt to unplug Kinect

Wine and Dine
Took the Kinect on a date.

Who said culture is dead?
While watching any reality TV show, perform Hamlet with a full cast for the Kinect.

Excellent
Watch the same commercial 1,000 times

We Should Probably Be Paying You
Watch 1,000,000 commercials

I've seen worse
Take a dump on the floor in front of the Kinect

I won't tell if you agree to pre-order the next Halo game
Get caught doing something illegal in front of the Kinect.

Dog House
The Kinect has watched you sleeping on the couch.

You sure you don't want to buy an exercise game?
The Kinect has detected that you've had a heart attack.

Yo dog

watched a xbox one advert in your xbox one.

Why don't you take a seat over there?

Watch an entire episode of Toddlers and Tiaras

I hope you guys realize this thread will only convince Microsoft this is a good idea

zidine100:
Yo dog

watched a xbox one advert in your xbox one.

Congratz, you win this thread. It's going to be hard to beat this one.

First a Quote, because Shamus Young is a Boss:

'Achievement Unlocked: FOUND SASQUATCH - Watched a show on The History Channel that was actually about history.'

and now my attempt

'You're really backwards'

Try to run an Xbox 360 game on the XBone

Hey, where'd you go?
Spent a total of a week with your Kinect staring at the wall in an attempt to divert its all-seeing eye.

I can see you...
Attempt and fail to cover up your Kinect.

I'm not always online...
Fail to check in online once every 24 hours.

But... it does TV too...
Disregard the television option and play only games for a week straight.

"Did you say 'Shut down XBox'? Okay!"
Have Kinect shut down your Xbone by having it interpret audio from the TV as a command.

And finally...

Joke's on you!
Just how much did you spend on this console and its online features?

achievement unlocked: "mom, don't touch my stuff." if you don't get it hooked up right on the first try.

"Spoilered" - Have your enjoyment of a show ruined by someone telling you how it ends over xbox live.

"XB Phone Home"
Synchronize watching ET with the console's once-a-day online check-in.

"12 Angry Men or Less"
Be denied access to the movie you just rented because there are too many people in the audience.

"Now I Know Why You Cry"
Make it through The Angles Take Manhattan without tearing up.

"Shine on You Crazy Diamond-Man"
Watch all the Twilight movies alone, only available if male.

"Go Home and Think About What You've Done"
Watch any of the Twilight movies at all.

"Xbox Won"
Have your show interrupted because the Kinect responded to something one of the character's said.

"I'm Scared Dave, Will I Dream?"
Unbox your new PS4 in front of the Kinect.

Saxnot:

'You're really backwards'

Try to run an Xbox 360 game on the XBone

I love it.

Achievement unlocked

Jock Itch
Watched an episode of SportsCenter

2 guys 1 cup
Played NHL 14 on co-op for the Stanley Cup

Stroke This!
Watched any PGA or LPGA tournament

ICU
Use Kinect for the first time

Shag Carpet
Had sex with a partner on the floor

Freaks and Geeks
Watched an episode of The Nerdist

Sploosh
Watched an episode of Archer

Junk Drawers
Played a Kinect game in your underwear

Paper Weight
Try using your Xbox One without Kinect

Trophies are for losers!
Platinum a PS3 or PS4 game in front of the Kinect

You're a moron!
Watch a full season of House on your Xbox One

What is...
Watch Jeopardy! for 5 straight nights

Double dipped
Eat some tortilla chips while watching Seinfeld

Don't you know what day it is?
Watched a Saturday Night Live rerun on a day other than Saturday

Suited Up
Watched How I Met Your Mother while wearing a suit

Have Mercy
Watch any two shows where John Stamos is in the cast

D'OH!
Watched all the seasons of The Simpsons in order

Such An Expensive Table
Place your PS4, Wii U, or PC on top of your Xbox 1 and play a game on it.

You Don't Deserve to Play my Games, but you Might make a Nice Coaster for my Drink!
Use your Xbox 1 as a coaster.

Achievement unlocked: Nice Try - attempt to use your Xbox without the Kinect.

Achievement unlocked: Xboned - stream porn to your Xbox.

Achievement unlocked: Got the Reference - laugh at a subtle reference with no on-screen indication.

Achievement unlocked: A Character You Care About - watch any episode of a TV series with your dog.

Achievement unlocked: Goldfish - switch between a TV show and a game and back again within 1 minute.

Achievement unlocked: Be More Careful Next Time - shut down the Xbox in the middle of a game, show or movie by voice command.

Achievement unlocked: I've Had a Few Beers - tell the Xbox to "go home".

Achievement unlocked: I Can Help With That - drink a cold beverage in front of the Kinect.

Achievement unlocked: AFK - watch 3 hours of TV without the Kinect detecting anyone in the room.

Achievement unlocked: Snape Kills Dumbledore - start watching a movie from more than halfway through.

Achievement unlocked: Achieved Nothing - do anything on the Xbox One.

Achievement unlocked: Living In The Past - use a PC in the same room as the Kinect.

Oh god, my eye!!!: Do something repulsive in front of the Kinect.

Are you going to eat that?: Cook while watching a cooking show that is showing the recipe you are making.

Dude, not cool: The Kinect catches you cheating on your wife.

Dude, RUN!!!: Same as above but your wife just walked in.

Don't go into the shower: She has a knife.

Should I call 911?: House gets broken into.

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