BANNED Posts: 13 Joined: 11 Feb 2008 | Hopefully this will be a bettery try and more succesful than my other peices. I based on the UK where i live so...
The Mild Tone of Winter
This winter has been something of an extraordinary time. I have witnessed flowers blossoming early. The Early shade of yellow, as the sun rises to warm the Uk for the first time today. The crunch of the frozen grass is a comforting and pleasant sound when its such a quite time.
Winter laughed as the man wrapped up warm and went outside.
Winter laughed as the man wrapped up warm and went outside.
Winter laughed as the man wrapped up warm and went outside.
Winter is a time to enjoy you. The good hearty food of a traditional English Pub is a welcome relief from anyone. The sun begins to warm you in a way never experienced in winter, as a cool breeze follows in from the north. People playing football in nothing more than a t-
shirt - used to be unheard off but now things are changing.
Winter laughed as the man wrapped up warm and went outside.
Winter laughed as the man wrapped up warm and went outside.
Winter laughed as the man wrapped up warm and went outside.
The Warming Sun set and the sun begins to drift away at the point of noon. A yellow and dramatic sky sets upon you... showing lashes of red, yellow, and pink and I say good bye to the sun, come back another day! |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 2108 Joined: 13 Dec 2007 | Question: It the 'you' in this piece the United Kingdom, the reader, or a third party? I prefer third party, as then I can pretend this is all a big metaphor for love and enjoy it more. |
Gone Gonzo Posts: 2659 Joined: 4 Nov 2007 | Bear in mind that I have little poetic nous but here is my first thought.
The second sentence should replace "blossoming" with "blooming". Before and after blossoming the sentence has a nice one-two stressed/unstressed feel to it: I have WITnessed FLOWers ... EARLy. "Blossoming" hacks apart that rhythm. If you had your reasons then just ignore this.
Maybe more thoughts later. |
Hopefully this will be a bettery try and more succesful than my other peices. I based on the UK where i live so...
The Mild Tone of Winter
This winter has been something of an extraordinary time. I have witnessed flowers blossoming early. The Early shade of yellow, as the sun rises to warm the Uk for the first time today. The crunch of the frozen grass is a comforting and pleasant sound when its such a quite time.
Winter laughed as the man wrapped up warm and went outside.
Winter laughed as the man wrapped up warm and went outside.
Winter laughed as the man wrapped up warm and went outside.
Winter is a time to enjoy you. The good hearty food of a traditional English Pub is a welcome relief from anyone. The sun begins to warm you in a way never experienced in winter, as a cool breeze follows in from the north. People playing football in nothing more than a t-
shirt - used to be unheard off but now things are changing.
Winter laughed as the man wrapped up warm and went outside.
Winter laughed as the man wrapped up warm and went outside.
Winter laughed as the man wrapped up warm and went outside.
The Warming Sun set and the sun begins to drift away at the point of noon. A yellow and dramatic sky sets upon you... showing lashes of red, yellow, and pink and I say good bye to the sun, come back another day!