Zero Punctuation Tees

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Since Yahtzee mentioned in the latest ZP review that the Escapist is considering making Zero Punctuation t-shirts, what would you (the viewing public) want to see in the design?

Just the words Zero Punctuation with Yahtzee & the Imp posing?

A reference to "Uncle Tusky"?

"Perhaps the universe would end- and it would be awesome!" ?

Pick out some outstandingly witty or otherwise memorable line that deserves to be put onto a t-shirt, or at least discuss possible things you'd like to see on a Zee-Pee-Tee.

Definitely the Universe-Ending one.

"I am a Yahtzee fanboy but to cool to admit it to the cooler people on the Escapist"

"I will jam forks into my eyes if i ever use those words ever again"

"I heartily recomend it" - Clive Barkers Jericho.

Uncle Tusky, definitely. On a nice yellow tee.

The image from the Super Paper Mario review where he's pointing at a board that says "Game Theory" or something to that effect while Mario has his hand on his face in shock.

Cracks me up every time.

depends on what we can LEGALLY get on there. I would love to see
"Yahtzee recmmends:
Fantasy World Dizzy
Killer 7
Earthbound" with release dates, kind of like a concert tour shirt

I like subtlety in t-shirts, so I'd enjoy one with just the trilby and an exclamation mark. We do also need one with "Breaks Flow" on it in some form or another.

These words only on a yellow T-shirt. "Fuck baby seals" That was hilerious.

depends on what we can LEGALLY get on there. I would love to see
"Yahtzee recmmends:
Fantasy World Dizzy
Killer 7
Earthbound" with release dates, kind of like a concert tour shirt

Don't forget Portal.

"Ye olde mosh pit style"
The French Ubisoft penis
The First person camera from the Manhunt review (1:34)
Also from the Manhunt review where the two guards are talking about spliting up and the second guard says that he can say with no irony whatsoever that that is a good plan (2:07-2:10)

Those are a few I would like to see

"that's where the internationalism ends."


we may need you to play twing-twang

the pic at 00:42 on the devil may cry 4 review

the pic at 00:25 on the tablula risa review


I know one blogger using "Uncle Tusky" for a userpic... and the name of a Rock Band band. (I think the band name came before the ZP review, though.) I'd seriously consider an Uncle Tusky T.

A "force feedback codpiece" T would be funny, but I'm not certain I'd ever wear it.

One with the demons on it, for sure.

-- Steve

Even though it's nowhere near appropriate, we need one that reads, "It drew me in like a triple - cunted hooker" (Call of Duty 4).

and "Sheer determined retardation"

Fable review: " you could choose to be a good character or an evil character, so i of course set out to be the evilest bastard who ever lived"

The witcher:"if you were hoping to mix potions then i hope you went through the 8 week correspondence course"

I like the picture of Retard McSpankyPants playing with the penguin

Imps are a must of course, my favorite is the imp from Crysis shooting the hero hiding in the bush 2 kilometers away

I would buy so yes times 100!

I want ALL those things *________*

L't's collect them all :P

and let's not forget the PC Gamer Master Race character :P

x y and zed

put on our reviewing pants

more potatoes uncle tusky?

Sub Lime

eff pee ess arr pee gee

i think i can say with no irony that this plan is flawless

Image Very Censored

center for people abuse by Mr. Shittycombat and Prof. Badcameraangles



It takes place in a normal house like, oh say for example YOURS!
Right down to the psychotic serial killer who lives under your bed and is standing behind you right now but don't look because that'll really piss him off!

And the story shits itself inside out.

Short answer- no.
Long answer- no and go fuck yourselves you ignorant scare-mongering cock-bags.

The guard has patrolled right up to you and now shived you in the ballox.

What about the line from The Witcher?


"Short answer no. Long answer no and go fuck yourselves you ignorant scare-mongering cock-bags." from Manhunt.

"This a Mumorpugur!" from the Witcher.

and a "Wash the Gimp" from the Witcher.

I'd probably buy any ZP t-shirt but these three would be my favorite.


here are my suggestions

"Half Life 2:
Episode 2
Manchester United: 0"

and a shirt with a picture of one of those retarded stick figures going "GLEEEE"

please make the shirts

would definatly buy a ZP t-shirt, i would want the bioshock line " it's a well exacuted, pretty kic in the balls but at the end of the day your still walking funny.

and one with the witcher level 99 staff of penatration.

and the master chef penciled in to cheif

Maybe the Scene from the CoD4 review when the Marines "Screw the pooch"

Press X to not die, Wash the Gimp, Pants-on-head-retarded,Short answer- no Long answer- no and go fuck yourselves you ignorant scare-mongering cock-bags and Uncle Tusky (who is whithout a doubt the best character ever) are all shirts I would consider buying.

Almost any quote from any review he's done would be good enough, but...

The flossing himself with barbed wire image.
"I'm an Assassin" (shh)
The image from Mass Effect of the guy trying to shoot with monsters and allies smushed against him.
"I am so going to quote this out of context."
Jagged Rock Junction
Black Mesa Disaster Factory: Ask about our dystopian future internship program!
A picture of a grenade, subtitled "Fiddly little bastards"
Yahtzee reaching through the portal for a piece of cake and being pied
Twisted and Impenetrable as a Granite Octopus
Hindsight from Jericho
"I could go on listing the stupid design decisions... so I will!"
God of War style button-mashing sequences
"Ubiquitous Fuckers" (Censored, if you like)
"Games R Art" (From Psychonauts)

And maybe one with just Yahtzee (the stick figure thing) on it
Or the demon thing
...or both!

Or Yahtzee with the caption "Eloquent"

Bulge/Flex/Manly from GHIII would also be cool.

Inclued all of the pictures with these quotes.

"Like a fat kid without water wings"

"A Envolope would move faster if you put it in front of a glacier."

"Because when you're compared to a hand that shoots bees, you're going to F***ing LOSE."

"As there is no imidite visual difference between a freindly and enemy of the same race, the term "ClusterF***er" seems inadiquit."

"Untill you get into a vehicle, that is, and it becomes an adventure into anoyince and failure."

"Aperently, his altzhymers extendes so far he can't remember where the motherf***ing SKULL is."

"Seeing as the original Turok was about a time travaling Native American, the creators really had to work hard to rip off Aliens."

...........While I'm at it. I forgot the first one that made me spew soda out my sinuses.

The image of Jesus Christ mixing it up.

Preferably something simple so that only people in the know would get it and I wouldn't have people asking me, "What is a zero punctuation?" I think that the Yahtzee avatar with a few of the imp/penguins wreaking havoc somewhere would be great. Also, to the powers that be, I make this request: don't make the tee black. Every concert tee ever is black and it just looks cheap. Grey, white, blue red, green, yellow... hell, even pink (we aren't going to catch the gay) would be preferable.

"All together now God of War style button mashing sequences"
"Who likes it rough from men with hariy bums NO BAD YAHTZEE!"
"It would sell like Billy-oh."
"Who is called Link on the few occasions I feel mature not to abuse the enter your name feature and Fagballs at all other times."
"Trip to jagged rock country."
"El ow"
"Le fuck"
"Buzzims melons milk factories busts funbags knockers baliistics boobies juggs nipples jubblies stonking great titts!"
"It's like having a big tasty meal at a nice resturaunt but when you ask for the check the chef comes over and farts in your face."

I think I'm the one person on the entire planet who doesn't want Yahtzee T-Shirts, seriously, since when was making a T-Shirt about something NOT annoying? Even Yahtzee is annoyed when he hears his own fucking quotes on TF2 (you can find it on his site). The only way this could get any worse is if Hot Topic got their dirty hands on these...

btw- best yahtzee line = "I'd rather eat barbed wire, shit out the other end, and then floss myself to death" and "Then I will take out my bottom 3 vertebrae, curl my spine over, and EAT MY OWN ASS!"


"Who is called Link on the few occasions I feel mature not to abuse the enter your name feature and Fagballs at all other times."

"-and it's up to Titty to save the universe!" (mass effect)

I'd like to say I'd buy ZP/Escapist TShirts, but the truth is that price and shipping come into play to make that decision... If the order comes from anywhere outside Canada, I rarely consider it because of border hassles, sizing differences between nations, and steep shipping costs...

Mind you, if I DID order ZP shirts, my interest would be more in a multi-shirt series featuring the funny lil goblin doods in all the ZP vids... With all the funny alterations Yahtzee did on those guys, at least one unique design per video, there has to be at least a dozen good looks to post on shirts.

I don't know what motto I'd like on it but I DO expect a yellow t-shirt with the hatted bugger somewhere on the front and an imp peaking only his head out from above the neck. Other stuff would be nice too.

L4Y Duke:
What about the line from The Witcher?


That's actually my default ZP quote... Like, if I think of ZP, I think to myself, "This is a MMORPG'R!"

About the t-shirt desing, I don't like de "ZP" basically is the same motto the spanish goverment use to promote our president. So I have some some alternatives ideas:
"I prefer to die rather than press X"
"Rock Band is a urban legend"
"Portal is great and if you don't like you must be stupid"
"My hand shoots bees. You're going to fucking loose"
"Zero punctuation: enjoyed by Peter Molyneux"
Also, a t-shirt whith all the game characters (Gordon Freeman, Mario, the big Daddy, Peter Molyneux...) around Yathzee holding a cake could be great.

These were good ideas from the actual review. I particularly would like to see a shirt with all the characters in some sort of collage. And perhaps Yahtzee should have two forks in his hands as he enjoys cake, to show he is willing to make good on his threat.

The Imp pissing on Drakes shirt from Uncharted. The sight of that on a tshirt would be priceless.

"Zero Punctuation - Telling it like it is, if you define "like it is" as "with tourretes""

And the Umbrella corporations Corporate stratedgy.

i would like to see a shirt with the ZP logo on it, and with the imps doing something random, (maybe even have the yahtzee or random-person stick-guy in it[for lack of a better term for ppl made out of white bubbles -_-])

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