I imagine everyone has experienced a situation similar to this before: you're sitting in your room, minding your own business, when suddenly a massive cockroach scuttles out of the shadows. You regard the creature with a narrow stare, and it clicks menacingly at you.

What do you do?

I honestly try and pick it up (with my hands if it's not a stick insect, which for some reason scare the shit out of me) then I chuck it out my window (ground floor)

I fight it is a mini-epic battle of shoe versus bug, i'd turn on "Requiem for a Dream" but i usually don't have time.

a magazine. Death by newsweek is always humiliating

I rip off all its extremedies one at a time, ready the sacraficial dagger and carve out its little insect organs while it cries little insect tears while singing sunshine lolipops and rainbows and then I let my cat have it.

I am terrified of creepy-crawlies, so I usually shriek and/or let out an inappropriately masculine roar

followed by a call for aid to the nearest person

I let it be, as long as it's not something that will harm me(as in bite) I could give a rats ass what it is and why it's in my room.

I myself typically use a heavy textbook or something similar to crush it, then ignore it until I absolutely have to move it.

i picked other. i present the Zippo Torch Mk.II. projects a 7ft (2m) arc of flame which burns for 45seconds after impact. pretty simple to make, very simple to use.

Of all the pointless threads, this is the best.

SteinFaust:
i picked other. i present the Zippo Torch Mk.II. projects a 7ft (2m) arc of flame which burns for 45seconds after impact. pretty simple to make, very simple to use.

I'm so making one of those and then taping it to a gun.

I Punch its ass with my fist.

Bulletinmybrain:

SteinFaust:
i picked other. i present the Zippo Torch Mk.II. projects a 7ft (2m) arc of flame which burns for 45seconds after impact. pretty simple to make, very simple to use.

I'm so making one of those and then taping it to a gun.

make sure it's always full or very close. this creates better projection.
EDIT: i made a holster for it, and if you want to keep it ready (spout open) you have to point it up so the fluid stays in the can, and not in the holster.

SteinFaust:
i picked other. i present the Zippo Torch Mk.II. projects a 7ft (2m) arc of flame which burns for 45seconds after impact. pretty simple to make, very simple to use.

pretty much sums up my approach.

BERN 'EM! BURN EM ALLLL!!!!!!!

I say hello, and proceed to strike up a conversation about English literature.

The cockroaches usually seem uninterested.

I would most likely leave it alone. If it doesn't fly and have a stinger on its rear, I will leave it alone. If it is such a bug, i leave the room and grab either some tire sealant or this special raid can that shoots out a jet, so if the chemicals don't kill it, the force of the stream will. Then crush it, crush it some more, crush it just a bit more, and finish off with more crushing.

the monopoly guy:
Of all the pointless threads, this is the best.

Why, thank you. *blush*

I used to just get something heavy, drop it on the thing, then leave it there for a few days. That way if the crushing didn't kill it, it would die of starvation. Now I'm not as afraid of them so I use my shoe to kill the bastards. I still couldn't bring myself to use my hands, though. Small steps, small steps.

I will scream and pretend it doesn't exist to the point of where I become dillusional.
Just like how I solve all my problems.

I eat it

I take a cup and move the creature outside.

Actually, I recently proved that spiders do in fact have a sense of patience/impatience. I saw this huge spider walking across my room (like sub tarantula large) so I drain my drink stand up and start walking toward the thing. He notices immediately and runs underneath my bookcase. I could see the thing sitting there but I couldn't get at it so I just sat there staring at the thing.

After about 10 minutes it started to get fidgety and after 15 minutes it moved to the very edge of the bookcase (as if to see if I would react). After waiting there for a minute, he made a run for it and gave me the chance to catch it!

...Yeah! That's my long pointless story of the day!

I used to chuck them outside, but my girlfriend has a fierce hatred for bugs, so she always insist they must die.

So now I kill them with a magazine and cry a little bit inside every time.

Khedive Rex:
post about outwitting a spider

You should do tech support with that kind of patience.

ninja chicken:
I eat it

I hear they are actually very nutritious, if you can get past the initial "crunch--squish."

Down, down/forward, forward + punch.

WD-40 and a butane lighter while singing Still Alive.

Anything that isn't a fly or a roach is left to its own devices, unless it crawls too near my wife, who's bug-phobic after living in a roach-y apartment in Philly.

Flies either get the swatter, or if there are several of them I get out the vacuum, put on the hose attachment and *schwoop!* It works pretty well because once you get the hose close enough that they figure it's time to fly away, the suction does an even better job at pulling them out of the air.

Roaches. Ugh. It used to be the old boot followed by paper towel. Once however, we caught one on a table under a cup. We couldn't figure out how to be sure we squished it if we lifted the cup (I could hear the legs working in there.) So, we slid a piece of paper under it, flipped it over and put it in the microwave. It was all we could think of. It was also very late at night. Abe, her roomate said that if he didn't know that was a roach, he'd probably want to eat it based on the smell of cooking.

I drop stuff on it. I recall one time that I actually dropped the spare bed onto one (it's a simple camp bed, not a proper bed).

I'm glad there's no cockroaches in Britain (that i have seen, at least) You could subject them to 20,000 rads of radiation, that'll kill them.

I propose a strategy for getting rid of roaches once and for all:

I build the little critter a raft out of packing peanuts and toilet paper. After coaxing him onto the boat, I set him adrift in a half-filled bathtub, tossing coins at him. Should the raft sink, I let out all the water and the roach with it, his navigational skills were simply not up to my high standards. However, should I run through my roll of pennies, I assume that this bug has the nautical expertise required to avoid projectiles and survive on the high sea. I release him back into the wild to rejoin the roach community and breed. Now, if I know anything about heredity, then several generations later, we will get a large population of roaches capable of sea-borne travel. With minimal encouragement, I think we can get the bugs onto raft-colonies and send them out to sea. There they flourish upon their arks and we never have to see them again. It's a win-win situation.

Point at it and say to my collie "Max, what's this?". Watch him jump up and grab it.

Funny watching someone else point to a rug hanging over the sofa and ask my dad "what's this?" only for Max to come and "investigate" the matter

I throw stuff at it. Sharp, pointy and very precise stuff.
I've got darts board in my room, the accompanying darts and the motor-skills to use them.So every time something crawls into view I skewer it.
I'm not very good at darts though, so I usually end up throwing a couple of darts at it, only to resort to my trusty boot

yeah i guess the "mighty boot" beats roaches every time.
34 internets to whoever knows where that name came from.