Don't stop now! It was getting really good.

I werked in a video store for a few weeks and if you've seen Clerks then that scene where Dante and Randall compare each others customers pretty much sums up ever damn day of that job.

Only today I was working at KFC when someone came in and asked for a bucket. No food. Just a bucket, one of the big gallon ones. She explained to us that she was planning a prank in which she'd place a live chicken in the bucket to surprise someone.

I've also had someone order four boxes of eighteen nuggets and a single Twister, for what it's worth.

Oh, and one crotchety old man, but he wasn't very funny.

On the basis that I haven't been able to read through 15 pages before posting, I apologise if this site has already been linked. Enjoy.

http://www.actsofgord.com/

In addition, I am always courteous to restaurant and store workers, mostly because I understand that they don't really want the job, and that it sucks to have bitchy customers. This wears thin when I meet people who are offences to Darwin but I have yet to abuse someone across a counter. I'd hate the job myself.

Hadn't seen that before.

I swear that if I ever open a cafe/restaurant style of thing I will have a sign at the counter reading:

"Dear customer. To us, you are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You are a customer. One of the many. Trying to convince us otherwise will not lead to special treatment.
Thank you for your co-operation.
Management."

And by the way, this thread gets a Labyrinth Red Star award. Presented in this case for Anti-Idiot material (1st glass) and Awesome.

I got one

Just remembered it (My memories are horrid)

I used to work at a local restaurant called The Greenery, friends of mine worked there and got me the job. Just about late November is when it shuts down for the season. Anywho, after locking up the last time for the season one of the last few tourists tries to get in (I know...can't he jsut read the 'Closed' sign) My friend goes up and says "Oh, I'm sorry e are clsoed for the season you just missed us." the person says AND I QUOTE "But I'm hungry."I aughed my ass off while my friend calmly pointed him towards the House of Pizza, which is open ear-round. The guy says again "But I want to eat here." friend just says "Have a nice day." and drags me off before I die laughing. Some tourists are like 4 year olds I swear.

OK so the store I work at has this Thanksgiving thing Turkey Points. Spend 50 buck in the store, get a point, Get 6 points, have yourself a turkey. Now, we have very specific rule about which turkeys are free, and our scanners can sometimes can be... frustrating. One of the managers end up getting yelled at by some cranky old lady (aren't they the worst.) Apparently this was loud enough to shut the whole store up, no small feat where I work. All this about an hour before my shift.

I work at a seafood restaurant. A woman ordered a Platter and insisted on changing out EVERYYTHING. Instead of the fried pollock she wanted fried catfish (More expensive fish). She complained that what she ordered was more expensive than what was posted on the menu so I had to explain that when she substituted more expensive items we had to charge her for them.

But here's the kicker. She bitched me out because she couldn't eat the catfish because it smelled like FISH!!! We then took off the extra charges and even gave her the extra popcorn shrimp she demanded. When all was said and done they left me $2 on a $64 ticket. I hate people.

God i've managed to spend 2 good hours reading 15 pages of epic. I really want to get a job (only 14) so I can make these idiots feel like idiots. Sadly McDonalds doesn't want me *sniff*.

milskidasith:
Earlier today, as a soccer ref, a corner kick went bad. Way, way, way bad. I was standing behind the mass of players and to the opposite side of the corner kick, a good 40 yards away. It flies straight towards my head at what had to be about 40 or 50 MPH, and I wound up pulling a genuine matrix style dodge on the ball, with it grazing the top of my forehead. It flew out of bounds, and I gave the other team a free throw.

Cue whining soccer mom and coach screaming at me for knocking the ball out of play. I told her that I dodged it as best I can and that it barely grazed me, and it was clearly going out of play anyway, and walked away (Refs aren't supposed to stick around to argue, just tell the person why they are wrong, if anything, and leave ASAP). I think everything is fine, this kind of stuff happens all the time. I'm still walking away, blow the whistle for the throw in to start, and then feel my shirt yanked back. The soccer mom turns me around (I still barely knew what was going on at that point) and starts yelling and cursing at me. This was a U12 childrens game, by the way. I had to stop play, tell her "The game can go on without you, ma'am, would you please leave the field?" Which of course, led to more yelling. Eventually her assistant coach had to nearly drag her off the field and out of the park before we could start again.

At least I get paid above minimum wage to put up with that crap. I feel bad for people who deal with that and get paid badly.

A U12 childrens game, yet the ball was kicked 40 or 50MPH? Come on, you liar.

I worked at a really hellish family restaurant for two years (I still have nightmares about the place) and I had to deal with a bunch of asshats. The odd thing was, sometimes it wasn't the customers who were the worst, it was my boss. He was a really big bald neo nazi kind of guy who would scream his head off at you even if you did everything PERFECTLY. He once got so mad about something happening on the floor, he went in the back and ripped on the 15yr old dish boy and made the poor kid cry. The kid had nothing to do with what was going on outside.

Anyways, this horror story of my starts 5 minutes before a wedding party was coming in. (Oh yeah, this restaurant by the way is a really upper class place, we have to ware gay bow ties and nothing on the menu is under $20) Well the wedding guest had their own candles they delivered earlier for us to light. They were little ones at the bottom of a long glass tube. We couldn't figure out how to get our lighter down in them to light them.

The boss waiter (the asshole) comes down and screams at us. "You F***ing idiots! Take a piece of god damn paper, roll it up, light the tip, and stick it down there! How F***ing hard is that!?!?!?!" So we do just that. I light the tip, point the paper down towards the candle, and what happens? The flame instantly travels up the paper, rushing to my hand! I pull it out and my first instinct is to blow it out, so I don't get burned. I blow it out and ashes go ALL OVER the table cloth, me and the other busser start frantically slapping out the embers, and now the entire table cloth is ruined, and the party is going to be here in 5 minutes.....great idea boss....

The funniest thing was, the guy was sooooo horrible, and I have nightmares about him, but I found out he's scare to death of thunderstorms. He has to go home whenever it gets bad and curl up under a blanket and watch ESPN.....

I work in a pharmacy and fair play 99.9% of the customers we have are really nice..But there's always one....
Had a chap walk in who looked like he was from the shallow end of the gene pool (typical chav really), who slapped his prescription down on the front counter and started hurling abuse at us. He was very aggitated and obviously under the influence of some non prescription medication. Anyway after shouting across the counter "I'll be like 5 mins like getting somethin" to eat like" he wanders off leaving us in peace and quiet.
He quickly comes back to the pharmacy with a bottle of perfume (minus food stuff) and in what happens to be the best failiure of shoplifting I have ever seen in my life, promptly puts the perfume bottle down his jacket and walks out of the shop.

It's not like we had a hard time desribing him to the police when they arrived..Just a little hint..If you are planning on shoplifting please dont give us a prescription with your Name, D.o.b, Address and National insurance number on it first.

Wow, this thread was utterly hilarious, kept me up all night yesterday and haven't slept a wink since. Maybe I'm just a sadist :3

Anyway, I'm setting myself up to get a job as a lifeguard sometime within a year from now, and, though I'm going to be paid $20+ an hour, I'm already starting to have nightmares about things like what you guys were talking about taken to a whole new level when you have to start worrying about people dying.

*Shivers*

Ok i got to page 4 and saw the one about the tobacco papers kid and just HAD to reply with this.

I used to work at a co-op in scotland, i did every area other than dairy and cafe pretty much. So one long wednesday, afternoon i believe, I'm working on the Ciggies counter and I get this girl come up to the desk and ask for a pack of L&B. Now at this time we had the 25yo rule installed due to a shop in the chain getting busted for selling to underagers. Now to fully understand my actions here, almost all the customers under the age of 40 are either, assholes, junkies, drunks, theiving c&&&s or general moronic retards.

Anyway, to lighten my mood I take a look at her, can clearly see shes at least 18 but no where near 25 so ID her. She's fine with it, perfectly co-operative, says she need to get her ID out of the car. Never see her again.

Thats just the setup to the "event".

Ten minutes later her mother comes in and i quote not a word of a lie says to me, "My daughter was in about ten minutes ago but didn't have her ID so I'm buying them for her."

Exactly how stupid is this woman? She has just told me that her daughter cannot prove her age and so she is going to commit a serious crime and buy age restricted items for someone who could quite easily be under 18.

So i politely informed her, "I'm sorry but I've ID'd her and she hasn't produced her ID so I can't sell you cigarettes knowing they will be for her."

At which point she goes off the deepend, ranting and raving, but not shouting oddly enough. Saying how it's bullshit and blah blah blah. All the while I'm repeating the same thing of "I cant sell you because its going to someone whos likely a minor". This doesn;t sink into her head at all.

for the next 10 minutes she wanders about the front area (i'm swamped by this time so i cant find time to throw her out) and starts telling one of her friends about it, clearly blaming me totally, but i ignore it like the good little idiot. Then she starts telling a second friend about it, both of them turn and she points at me. At which point, while shes in ear shot...I start telling customers about the incident mocking her..the customers had a right good laugh at her expense. Next day however I come in to the manager having recieved a complaint. Bitch took the customers side and said i shouldve been nicer =.=

***

Another tales of ID idiocy:

Was switching tills out to give a female co-worker, older and much more experienced, her break when this girl, looks 18ish, comes to buy ciggies. Naturally I ID her and she says no she doesnt have any...what does she do? Turns to her boyfriend and says Can i get your ID.

both me and my co-worker just gave her a look that said "Did you just say something THAT stupid?"

So we politely reply, "No we can't serve you with someone else's ID." To which she replies "Oh..." Like it was some kind of surprise....retards=.=

***

Another good one i just remembered about age.

I'd refused some punk 16 yo ciggies because he was obviously not 18 and had no id. His dad comes in ranting and demanding that the age limit is 16. In silence I turn to the right a little, point to the big green sign in Three inch font that says it's been 18 for 3 months and correct him of his error.

At which point he begins accusing the store of having that age and it not being right. By this time I've had enough and tell him in a flat, slightly condescending tone that he should go down to the police station and ask them about it and come back when they prove me right. That shut him up =.=

***

As a final revenge story, this is why you do not bully people ever. Eventually they will be shop assistant that have the power to deny you cigarettes permanently.

An asshole i knew from school, royal jerk comes in to the store, I know right off the bat that hes too arrogant to crry ID. He looks 18 and normally if i hadn't known he was a total jerk off I'd have erved him and sent him on his way to continue smoking himself to death.

But not him, he messed with me earlier in life, so now I have the power to mess with him *a lot* worse. Comes up, asks for a packet of richmonds. Immediately ID him. He goes off the deepend, he's also brought quite a bit of booze with him that someone else foolishly sold him. I was going to *enjoy* this. Once again I ID him. He protests he's been sold alcohol. I respond with the fact that I can't control what my idiot colleagues do and ask him for ID again.

He storms off saying he'll get them at the on site Garage. I call them up tell them hes underage and has no ID. He went home empty handed. I went home with a smile.

I have more stories but I'm tired right now...maybe tomorrow.

jasoncyrus:
As a final revenge story, this is why you do not bully people ever. Eventually they will be shop assistant that have the power to deny you cigarettes permanently.

An asshole i knew from school, royal jerk comes in to the store, I know right off the bat that hes too arrogant to crry ID. He looks 18 and normally if i hadn't known he was a total jerk off I'd have erved him and sent him on his way to continue smoking himself to death.

But not him, he messed with me earlier in life, so now I have the power to mess with him *a lot* worse. Comes up, asks for a packet of richmonds. Immediately ID him. He goes off the deepend, he's also brought quite a bit of booze with him that someone else foolishly sold him. I was going to *enjoy* this. Once again I ID him. He protests he's been sold alcohol. I respond with the fact that I can't control what my idiot colleagues do and ask him for ID again.

He storms off saying he'll get them at the on site Garage. I call them up tell them hes underage and has no ID. He went home empty handed. I went home with a smile.

I have more stories but I'm tired right now...maybe tomorrow.

The fact that he was smoking Richmonds in the first place would have set off an alarm bell in my head. I don't trust people who smoke Richmonds - or Superkings for that matter.

But I have a lot of stories where I ask for ID, and the person asks, "Are you serious?" in such a fashion that implies that they think I'm joking. I usually just reply, "Yes!" in an off-hand fashion, but sometimes, I want to say, "Of course I am, you stupid fucking bitch/bastard!"

I had one woman who came up to the till and told me she had two 8 item 'breakfastses'. How have people managed to sink so low that they don't know the plural of breakfast? I very nearly cried.

Two young men came to my register and bought a zucchini, a small jar of Vaseline, and rubber gloves.
I didn't ask.

I worked at a supermarket once, filling shelves. Comes this lady:

"Excuse me, where can I find fondue?"
"Fondue? Well, if you mean the fondue pan, it's in the kitchen area. If you're talking about the bouillion, that's with the soup."
"No, I need cheese."
"...Well, have you tried the cheese area?"
"Actually, I hadn't. Thank you, young man."

I should've sent her to the bread area...

Haliwali:
Two young men came to my register and bought a zucchini, a small jar of Vaseline, and rubber gloves.
I didn't ask.

I guess I would have laughed, you did a better job than me.

Kage Me> well it's ben pretty mild I'd say.

This is the stupidest person ever. I work at a guitar shop, and I was once asked "Do you have any Fender Stratocasters in store?". This may sound valid, but the guy was standing in front of a wall friggin covered in them. Fools

TheNecroswanson:
Once worked at a Safeway, twas fun times to be had.

AAAaaaah teenagers, they think they're clever. *giggle*
So, a gentleman in his early thirties walks up to the register with 3 girls, couldn't have been over 16, and proceeds to place a 36 pack of Bush, and two 40oz. bottles of vodka on the counter.
"Good evening sir. Whoa, looks like you've got quite the evening planned." I say in that tone that tells of good times to be had.
The man looks at me blankly. "huh? Oh, yeah. Uh, no...This is for, uh my roommate."
I give him the, "awe, lame." look when I realise his three "daughters" were black, asian, and too white to be considered related to him. I look at him a moment.
"Sir, you have quite the brood going. These all yours?"
"huh? Oh uh, no. Just the blonde uh-uh..."
She nudges him and in a hushed tone that apparently teenage girls think you can't hear even though you're a foot away from them "Stacy"
"Stacy, that's right." *Devilish laugh, here's where it gets fun, cause now I know fullwell what's going on.*
"Sir, have you been drinking?"
"No sir, clean a sober 6 years running."
"Hey, Stacy, what's you're last name?"
"Fletcher, what the hell does it matter to you?"
"Stacy Fletcher, that's a pretty name. Anyway, I'll just need to see your I.D. sir."
"oh, uh, yeah."
He goes to pull out his I.D.
"So, how long you been married sir?"
"Me?" he hands me the I.D. "Never married."
"Oh," as I look over the I.D, "Is Stacy adopted?"
"No sir. She's my progieny through and through."
"Yes sir Mr. Erickson she looks just like you.....Not really. I need to inform you that purchasing alchohol for minors is a felony in this state."
Face goes pale. "What're you talking about?"
"Well, you say she's yours, but you don't even have the same last name. And we reserve the right to refuse to sell alchohol to anyone we suspect to be drunk, underage, or intends to give to minors. It's a felony and you could get up to ten years in prison."
The man backs up. "You're on your own kids, I'm keepin' the fifty though." And walks off.
So, I begin to chuckle to myself when the two girls blow up at me. You know, with that, 'little miss thang' tone, and their, "huh-uh, no you didn't just". And as they begin to yammer angrily at me, I seem to get taller, and much more menacing looking then I was before. So, they shrink and tone their voices down. The manager walks by to add some change to my till.
"Hey, we want to talk to your manager!"
"Hey, Roy, you wanna talk to these girls?"
"I don' wanna talk to 'em. You do it."
We laugh.
One of the girls comments, "Damnit, I live ontop of the hill and I don't wanna walk up John Carlson. He was our ride... Hey, you, Ray or whatever your name was, I demand you give us a ride for the way we've been treated!" *John Carlson is a hill with no more than a 35 degree incline RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET.
Roy looks at them, then looks at me, and winks.
"Well, I personally can't do it, but I will be more than happy to send *name withheald* here to take you three home."
"Roy," I say in a pleading tone, "I haven't had a breakthrough with my psychologist yet."
"Oh, you'll be okay."
"But, I'm weak sir, I've had the urges all day."
Black girls chimes in.
"Boy, you ain't gonna kill us quit playing and let's go, sheeeeit."
We both look at her with horrific stares.
"He's.....He wouldn't kill you..."
"Sir, please, if I have to go back to the prison they'll eat me alive. I don't want to rape again. If I have to drive them I won't be ale to control it!"
Their faces turned white as chalk.
"That last girl," I begin to sob and claw at my face, "I can still hear her screams! I didn't want her to die! But I couldn't control myself." Here my voice dropped to a purposeflly audible whisper. "I didn't mean to rape her to death." and I start crying.
They BOOKED! They were gone quicker then you can say, "Say what?"
And then we bust up laughing.

meatloaf231:

Sayvara:
Rationality and calmness

Man, you killed it by being all rational and calm. Now everyone's going to feel weird posting stuff here.

EDIT: Well, maybe not Necroswanson, but I don't think he feels anymore.

Nothing is colder than the Necroswansons heart....Naw, I used to workk customer care for a cell company. I helped, I made a difference. However calmness and rationale is always met, for me atleast, with epic amounts of irationality.

I thought this story was hilarious when the chicks were obviously scamming you for booze, but you went and made it epicly awesome with the crazy prison stuff. I would love to see you at work :) You Sir have made my day.

I got one. It's not so much a customer being stupid as one who put me in a very awkward place. About 3 years ago I had a job working the game room, and running food at a Chuck E. Cheeses (Getting a job there is a bad idea; the place eats souls). I was in a good mood that day, and there weren't too many issues, so I was being especially nice to the customers. Then at some point I was serving this one black mother, who looked to be in her early 30's. She seemed pretty normal...until I realized she was hitting on me. Now, keep in mind, I just turned 16 four months prior. Yeah. If she was better looking, and if I wanted to be a dick, (and if at the time I wasn't a coward with women) I might have gone along with it. But she wasn't, and I didn't, so I try to brush it off, and hope she would just go away. But an hour later it gets to the point where she tries to give me her number.

Me: Uh, hi, you need anything else?
Her: Yeah I do, but nothing Chuck E. Cheese can give me. *puts number on the table*
Me: O___________o

She thought I was joking when I told her I wasn't legal yet. Well, needless to say, it was pretty interesting when I showed her my junior driver's license. Glaring "DO NOT SELL ALCHOHOL/TOBACCO TO" tags and all. Not trying to sound racist, but I never thought I'd see a black person turn so pale. Color literally drained out of her face. She quickly apologized, grabbed her kid, and got the hell out of there. I kinda felt bad. Well, actually it was more of a mixture of pity, relief, and a desire for a raise.

Well, and there's the time this one kid shits all over the basketball game just as I punch out...

jasoncyrus:
Ok i got to page 4 and saw the one about the tobacco papers kid and just HAD to reply with this.

I used to work at a co-op in scotland, i did every area other than dairy and cafe pretty much. So one long wednesday, afternoon i believe, I'm working on the Ciggies counter and I get this girl come up to the desk and ask for a pack of L&B. Now at this time we had the 25yo rule installed due to a shop in the chain getting busted for selling to underagers. Now to fully understand my actions here, almost all the customers under the age of 40 are either, assholes, junkies, drunks, theiving c&&&s or general moronic retards.

Anyway, to lighten my mood I take a look at her, can clearly see shes at least 18 but no where near 25 so ID her. She's fine with it, perfectly co-operative, says she need to get her ID out of the car. Never see her again.

Thats just the setup to the "event".

Ten minutes later her mother comes in and i quote not a word of a lie says to me, "My daughter was in about ten minutes ago but didn't have her ID so I'm buying them for her."

Exactly how stupid is this woman? She has just told me that her daughter cannot prove her age and so she is going to commit a serious crime and buy age restricted items for someone who could quite easily be under 18.

So i politely informed her, "I'm sorry but I've ID'd her and she hasn't produced her ID so I can't sell you cigarettes knowing they will be for her."

At which point she goes off the deepend, ranting and raving, but not shouting oddly enough. Saying how it's bullshit and blah blah blah. All the while I'm repeating the same thing of "I cant sell you because its going to someone whos likely a minor". This doesn;t sink into her head at all.

for the next 10 minutes she wanders about the front area (i'm swamped by this time so i cant find time to throw her out) and starts telling one of her friends about it, clearly blaming me totally, but i ignore it like the good little idiot. Then she starts telling a second friend about it, both of them turn and she points at me. At which point, while shes in ear shot...I start telling customers about the incident mocking her..the customers had a right good laugh at her expense. Next day however I come in to the manager having recieved a complaint. Bitch took the customers side and said i shouldve been nicer =.=

***

Another tales of ID idiocy:

Was switching tills out to give a female co-worker, older and much more experienced, her break when this girl, looks 18ish, comes to buy ciggies. Naturally I ID her and she says no she doesnt have any...what does she do? Turns to her boyfriend and says Can i get your ID.

both me and my co-worker just gave her a look that said "Did you just say something THAT stupid?"

So we politely reply, "No we can't serve you with someone else's ID." To which she replies "Oh..." Like it was some kind of surprise....retards=.=

***

Another good one i just remembered about age.

I'd refused some punk 16 yo ciggies because he was obviously not 18 and had no id. His dad comes in ranting and demanding that the age limit is 16. In silence I turn to the right a little, point to the big green sign in Three inch font that says it's been 18 for 3 months and correct him of his error.

At which point he begins accusing the store of having that age and it not being right. By this time I've had enough and tell him in a flat, slightly condescending tone that he should go down to the police station and ask them about it and come back when they prove me right. That shut him up =.=

***

As a final revenge story, this is why you do not bully people ever. Eventually they will be shop assistant that have the power to deny you cigarettes permanently.

An asshole i knew from school, royal jerk comes in to the store, I know right off the bat that hes too arrogant to crry ID. He looks 18 and normally if i hadn't known he was a total jerk off I'd have erved him and sent him on his way to continue smoking himself to death.

But not him, he messed with me earlier in life, so now I have the power to mess with him *a lot* worse. Comes up, asks for a packet of richmonds. Immediately ID him. He goes off the deepend, he's also brought quite a bit of booze with him that someone else foolishly sold him. I was going to *enjoy* this. Once again I ID him. He protests he's been sold alcohol. I respond with the fact that I can't control what my idiot colleagues do and ask him for ID again.

He storms off saying he'll get them at the on site Garage. I call them up tell them hes underage and has no ID. He went home empty handed. I went home with a smile.

I have more stories but I'm tired right now...maybe tomorrow.

Actually a parent can purchase tobacco and alcohol for their kids as long as it is for their child only. It's a stupid rule but it allowable.

I work in a UK supermarket chain. I work in one of the smaller, convenience-type stores.

We frequently have people asking for products they're stood next to, or asking where our eggs are (they're right near the door, with a huge sign saying "eggs" and still they miss it).

I've had some awful customers too.

One shoplifter - nicks a load of meat on a weekley basis - threatened to kill our boss when caught. It took 15 Police Officers to get him in the van!

I asked a woman if she'd "like a bag with that?" and she thought I called her "an old bag and a twat". Cue 15 minutes of her ranting at me, saying "of COURSE I'd said wuold she like a bag" (with mass sarcasm) then telling the manager off for siding with me (depsite the fact he, 2 other staff and 5 customers heard me say "do you want a bag").

One woman was in with her 10-year old son (he was in a junior school uniform, the local one goes up to aged 10, iirc). She was buying a PS3 gamer mag, which has an 18-rate demo in with it. My collegue refused the sale - the kid was underage - and the woman claimed it was for her. In her next sentence, she's claiming it's for his brother (who happens to not be with them). Then when the manager refuses the sale, she storms off cussing about how "*our chain* knows better about rasing her kids than she does".

Oh, and the king of all...a man was buying some very expensive praline boxes, about £12 a box. They were on Buy One Get One Free (BOGOF). When he came to my till, I asked him if he'd like to take another box, since they were on promotion. He absolutely explodes at me, yelling about how I am trying to force a sale, how he doesn't like my attitude, how he doesn't WANT a second box whether they're free or not, and that by informing him of this offer I was clearly insulting his ability to read, so he was going to sue me and the company - and write to the area personell manager to get me fired. He then tried to thump the store manager when he was thrown out for harassing the staff.

Actually, this is another close contender (and Jeronus' above comment makes me wonder here - I thought that it was illegal to sell age-restricted products to someone who was going to give them to a minor, regardless of relation. I know the same is true for alcohol...)? This girl came in to buy cigarettes - she'd been in before, but the new guy on till hadn't seen her, and no-one was around to vouch for her. She's only just 18, we operate a "Think 21" policy - whereby we ID anyone looking 21 or less, even though the restriction is only 18. Anyway, this lass doesn't have any ID, so the cashier refuses the sale. Her father then storms in, asking to buy the cigaretted for the girl. The cashier refuses (as we're taught to do), so he asks for the manager. Our company has a policy that the management always backs up the cashier's decision to ID (even if it's a 70-year old). So the girl's father physically grabs the cashier, starts ranting about how he "is a f***ing barrister, and he knows the f***ing law, who the f*** were we to quote it at him and we have to give the cigarettes to his little girl otherwise he'll f***ing take us to court for harassment and for not selling the f***ing cigarattes".

What a criminal barister knows about retail law still escapes me, and it was rather entertaining how he started telling the police that they were wrong, and he never assaulted the cashier (despite witness statements and CCTV proof).

I hate nutjobs. Why can't people realise that we don't want to be working in supermarkets etc, and we might be having a bad day too. We get minimal pay and are contractually obliged to be nice to customers - but that doesn't mean you can treat us like imbociles (we get people shoving us out of the way if they want to get to a shelf that we are currently loading stock onto - really dangerous when holding 15kg boxes over their heads, they hit us with baskets and trollies, they bring in their little brats of kids...)

Ironically, every single customer assisstant in our store is currently studying/applying to study a degree. That usually stumps the "imbocile" comments, and start up the "self-righteous p***" comments.

Retail is fun (/sarcasm) - I second/third/whatever the idea that everyone should be forced to do 6-months retail work. Maybe it would make everyone nicer. I'm now far more polite to people working in other stores - to the point that it creeps them out sometimes!

A few years ago, I called up a Toys R Us, asked if they sold sex toys(i was like 14 at the time)this is how it went:

Clerk: Hello, toys r us, wendy speaking how may i help you?
me: yes hi, do you sell sex toys?
clerk: Pardon me?
me: you know, vibrators, butt plugs, dildos?
clerk: Laughs and hangs up.

My friends and I were dying, I then proceeded to call an EB games and try to order Runescape lol.

Prior to working the overnight shift at a gas station, I used to have a saying: "At least it's not crack." After, maybe, a month there I came to the conclusion: "But sometimes it is."

Oh, the crack.

My co workers and I used to play the game: "Guess what the customer is on" and "Why the customers shouldn't breed." It made the whole situation bearable.

As gas prices started to go up, I learned that a surprizing number of people don't realize that the clerks behind the counter have NOTHING to do with gas prices. I was accused of raising gas prices momentarily because the customer was black. I was, clearly, a part of a conspiriacy to raise the gas prices for black people only. I told him that I raised them just for him because I could tell from across the lot that he was an idiot. Got "written up" for that. But it was okay, because my manager thought it was funny and said: "I know I'm supposed to tell you that the customer is always right. But sometimes? The cusomer is just an @$$hole."

My all-time favorite had to have been the cab driver (I will not mention his race or religion here, fill in the blanks for yourself) who walked in when I was arguing with a co worker about something. He interruped us and told me: "You should be a good woman and be quiet." My co worker and cop behind him (the cop and I knew eachother pretty well) went: "Ooooh." I took the man's hand, shook it, and said "Welcome to America, @$$hole." At this point the man noticed the tattoo on my wrist. He put a finger on it and said: "And that is offensive." I pulled down the front of my shirt to show him the one on my chest and said: "Okay, how about this one?" He left without paying for his coffee.

Good times.

Oh, yes, this is so my thread right now. I need to vent on this.

I work at a garden center. Can you guess what we sell a couple of weeks before christmas? Yeah, christmas trees. And not just nice little living room sized ones oh, no. We need to sell trees 13 feet tall christmas trees. carrying those bad boys around was not amusing, but that's a story for another time.

When customers came around, the fun really started. We were outside all day helping all kinds of customers. Nice ones, grumpy ones, silent ones, funny ones. I liked the funny ones best, they could take a joke.
However, there was one couple I hated the most:

They came walking up the parking lot. I approached them, greeted them with a "good day! Can I help you?"
"yes you can, we'd like a christmas tree."
"What kind of tree do you want? Short, tall, plump, slim..."
"one that's not too long, and not too thick." Oh great... This kind of tree is hard to find in the pile of pine that was available to me. Almost all the short ones were plump.
"Alright, I'll see what I can do." I pick up the best mid-height, slim tree I could find.
"Nah, that one's not that nice. Let's see another one"
Twenty, godforsaken trees later, the husband says:
"Hey, look at that one." The wife says: "Yeah it's perfect! We'll take that one."

It was the first. damn. tree I showed to them. Twenty minutes of wading through needles, ice and more needles all for nothing. I wanted to shove that tree right up their asses.

The worst is having people talking on mobile phones when you are trying to take an order.

I worked in McDonalds for three years before recently quitting, and you would always, when you were busy and rushed off your feet, get customers who didn't want to wait for food that they KNOW they would usually have to wait for.

Its generally customers who want a Quarter Pounder with Cheese without pickles, or something stupid like that.

Well this particular day, I had just had a spat with a customer who didn't want to stop his phone conversation for me to take his order, I had chosen to move onto the next order until he was done, but he didn't like that.

Anyway, I must state, that as we were grossly understaffed, I had to work my managerial duties as well as fill in for the missing cashiers (or crew members as we call them.) I was doing two jobs at once.

Me: "Can I take the next order please?"
Him: "Yes, Can I have a Big Mac Meal, With a coke, but no onions on the Big Mac..."
Me: "Sure, would you like anything else with that?"
Him: "Please, may I have another Big Mac Meal, this time large, with a Fanta, but can I have no Salt on the fries." (I HATED that request... so awkward!!)
Me, trying to hide my disgust: "No problem, and will that be all."
Him: "Just one more thing, I'd like a Quarter Pounder, no cheese, with extra Ketchup. On its own, not as a meal!"
Me: "Certainly, that's £9.07 then please!"

Now this would seem like your typical order, until...

Me: "That's 93 pence change. If you would just like to wait an--"
Him, Interrupting: "Excuse me?"
Me: "Sorry, but as you have ordered Special Requests, which are made to order, there is about a three minute wai--"
Him, Interrupting: "But this is fast food."

He said it, that one sentence, every customer tries it at one point in life...

Me: "Yes sir, although I can point out that during busy hours, like this one, we do struggle to meet demand, especially seeing as we are understaffed."

I had gotten a few complaints as to why only two out of the four tills we had in store was being used.

Him: "I don't care, I ordered my food, It should be ready NOW!"
Me: "Please, just take a seat, It will be here within a matter of minutes I assure you."

At this point he looked away towards a customer receiving her food, this, for some reason, angers him.

Him: "LOOK AT THAT!! I WAS TWO PEOPLE IN FRONT OF HER!! SHE GOT HER FOOD FIRST?!?!?"
Me: "Yes" looking at the order "but her order totaled to £1.19 and consisted of one item."
Him: "BUT I WAS IN FRONT OF HER"
Me: "The queue system only applies to the service here, not to the receiving of one's order"
Him: "EVERY FUCKING TIME I COME HERE!!! And every time its the same, I ALWAYS have to wait."
Me: "Can I inquire, do you order the same order in general?"
Him: "YES I FUCKING DO! AND I AM NEVER GIVEN IT STRAIGHT OUT OF THE PRE-COOKED ITEMS"

He was referring to the production bin, which holds the burgers that are ready to eat.

Me: "That's because you make modifications to your order which our productions do no usually cover."
Him: "This is MEANT to be FAST food, THIS is a FUCKING JOKE!"

Now I lost it, it wasn't what he was saying or anything, it was because I just received two drinks to my face, a nice gift from this customer.

Him: "I want to see the fucking manager!!"
Me: "I AM the manager, Now me and my workers have the right of working without fear of intimidation, you obviously won't respect that right and so I am throwing you out"
Him: "You are not the manager, you're just some asshole kid who thinks he owns the place."

Now I won't go into detail about how I pursuaded him I was the manager, but it took a lot of "Look at my uniform, now how is it different to everyone elses? Why do I wear a tie and everyone is in a easy-wash cotton shirt? Why do I have keys to the store and office?"

At this point, he was refusing to leave despite receiving his food and replacement drinks, until he saw a "real" manager. The situation in the store was unchanged except for the queues were depleted and everyone was sitting down eating. This guy, still shouting and perhaps going a little horse from it, still in my face.

Now I had had it totally. He had just called me an embarrassment. I walked into the office. Picked up the public-address microphone.

*DING DONG*
"Ladies and gentlemen I would like to apologize for tonight's 'entertainment'. It appears I am an embarrassment. However, If you WOULD like to avert your attention to the gentleman in green standing by the counter, I'm sure you would have noticed how stupid he looks for crying over a small three minute wait. If any others of you have had to endure this because you also made adjustments to your orders tonight, I would like to apologize and offer you to follow in this gentleman's footsteps and scream at me until I am forced to make another public address in this manner. Again, I am sorry for interrupting your meals."

Now I had expected to start resuming my work and that guy would just leave, but no, as he took in a deep inhale, a much younger male stood up and came over.

"You know what, I want to complain. How dare you make me wait when you are obviously busy beyond your control, for TWO MINUTES, because I changed my order. I mean just because I don't want cheese on my Big Mac doesn't mean you can't pull it out of your arse and have it ready for me. I mean you are OBVIOUSLY meant to know my order by the time I get to the counter and have it ready."

He was being sarcastic, and as I laughed, this woman came up.

"Why the FUCK is my cola in a cup?! I had to wait an extra few seconds while your worker put it in a cup and put a fucking lid on it. I swear this place is awful."

Everyone in the store was finding this hilarious, needless to say the guy left.

But that wasn't the end. OOOOOOH GOD NO! lol.

He came back... "My food is fucking cold, You made me wait and my food got cold"

I wasn't having any of it. "Sir, that food was freshly made, you decided to stand at the counter for fifteen minutes screaming at me with your food in hand."

"I've had to drive all the way to Sutton Coldfield and back to get food that was cold, I want a replacement."

I was in Birmingham, he had driven about 12miles past 5 other McDonalds to my one to get food. It was illogical. I made him aware of this.

"You do realize you passed several closer outlets where you could have gone to in the first place."

"I don't care, I just want a replacement and I'll be gone"

"Sir, I am NOT giving you a replacement, you let it get cold, I saw it, company policy. You shouldn't even be in here after you attacked me with your drinks."

"GIVE ME MY FUCKING REPLACEMENT!"

I proceeded to walk into the office, phone the police.

"I have just called the police, now either you leave, or I will have you done for assault."

He left... :P

I'd just like to say that this thread is win. I've been reading the forums here for awhile now, and this is the thread that made me set up an account. So, there ya go

My first job I didn't have until I was in college. It wasn't so bad, as I was working with/serving other students, and they generally knew what a pain in the ass it can be to work and attend school at the same time, so they were very patient. One thing i couldn't stand was, every Friday, the station I worked at went from making pasta dishes to making stir fry, and every goddamn day someone would come up and expect me to make them pasta. I would repeatedly explain to them: "No, I can't give you pasta with that because it is not a pasta dish." And this would happen with the same people almost every week, like we'd change it for some reason.

My second, and current, job is working at a convenience store. It's not bad, it just sucks compared to my other job, mainly because:

1) I'm working alone almost all the time, whereas at my first job I had around 4 other people working right next to me, all of which were other students
2) We sell cigarettes/alcohol and the like, so I have to deal with stupid kids trying to buy stuff they aren't old enough for, and deal with jackasses who blow up on me when I ask to see their I.D.
3) People steal stuff, and it pisses me off when they do, especially when they don't get caught

The biggest pain in the ass is dealing with the underage kids trying to buy cigarettes/alcohol. I have a few stories that come to mind:

1) I see this one kid pull up in his car, come into the store, and ask for some cigarettes. Here's how the conversation, to the best of my recollection, went:

Me: I'll need to see your I.D. for those cigarretes
Cust: I'm 19
Me: I still need to see your I.D.
Cust: I was born XX month XX day XXXX year
Me: I understand, but I can't sell these to you without your I.D.
Cust: Just type in the F$%@ing date!
Me: Look, i saw you pull up in your car, and you're refusing to show me your I.D. That either means you're underage, or you don't have it. I'm sure the police would love to write you a ticket for not having your Driver's license and still driving.
Cust: *Spouts some racial epithets and curse words at me while leaving*

I also love it when I refuse someone a sale for not having their I.D., then they go speak to someone else, who I can clearly see by the way, who then proceed to try and purchase the same thing I refused to sell that person.

hooray for long first posts!

a big guy, 7foot tall, is waiting in the Express lanes, and he and his friends are arguing with my supiviser, a good friend of mine. they start threatening him, and i, (under 6 foot and 16-17 at the time) go over and say "are you thretening our staff?" and this gives my supiveiser (a rather... fat guy) a chance to get away with me, we walk away, and i go to my register, and the tall guy follows me to the otherside of the store. he stands there, staring at me whilst i try to scan stuff through, i tell him to leave the store because he has threatened me and other staff members, but he pushes through the customers and laughs in my face saying "what are you going to do about it? i'm no leaveing" "GET OUT NOW OR I WILL CALL SECURITY"
"you get me kicked out and i will wait for you and then when you come out i will fuck then kill you"
OK, rape, murder "everybody hear that?" the line of customers agrees "thats it, i am just to call the cops" i call the cops on my mobile, still packing bags and scaning with one hand.
he complains to the boss then walks out, 20 mineutes later the police come and question me. then they go out side where THE MAN IS WAITING! the big boss came out, and took the guy into the interview room, the guy is no longer allowed in safeway.

I work in the course books section of the university bookstore. That being said, I see and hear amazingly stupid things every day. Keep in mind that these are almost all university students and professors.

1) "Do you work here?" This is my least favorite thing. I am wearing the employee shirt. I have an ID badge on. I am stocking books. I am still asked this question five times a day. I am tempted to say, "No, I'm just...hanging out." and sigh.

2) "Can I pay with cash?" Can you pay wi-?...blank stare. No idea where to even start. You are asking if you can use currency for its only function. This has happened more than once.

3) "How do I find my books? I'm so lost." The departments are in huge letters at the end of every aisle and the course numbers are arranged numerically. If you really cannot find your books (and aren't just lazy), I suggest that you drop out of college and purchase a helmet. You will need it. And if you make me pick all of them out and carry them around only to say that you didn't plan on buying them today and to put them all back I should be able to throw each of them at you as hard as I want to.

4) The professors. Dear god, the professors. You are classified into five groups.
a) The expectant professor. "No, I didn't submit an order. I thought you ordered the books for us?" How on earth would we know what book you want to use? How? TELL ME.
b) The self-righteous professor. "My books should have been here by now. How am I supposed to explain to my students that the book is late?" I'm not sorry. There was a shipping/receiving/you submitting your order late problem. You're an adult, and you're not any more special than the other adults in the room. You get paid to talk about something that you've read a lot about and (hopefully) published about. Next, I want you to read a book about etiquette in dealing with other humans.
c) The old professor. This professor doesn't talk much, and when he/she does it is mumbly and hard to understand. He/She doesn't much care if the book is on time. Or anything. I rather like the old professor.
d) The foreign professor. Your calls are dreaded by all that have to try to understand them. Your painfully awkward face-to-face conversations are strained and sentences are often sandwiched by "Excuse me?" However, you are generally pleasant (see below) and we have some laughs at how silly English is. However, a combination of D and B is very difficult to control and often downright hilarious without ever meaning to be.
e) The pleasant professor. You are rare. And you are loved by us. We know you by name. We remember your courses and what books you used. Please come back.

5) Parents. What are you thinking? Yes, I noticed how you were feeding your snowflake cash and prizes with that silver spoon of yours. Why? You are most likely the same parents that kept their child in a germ-and-emotion-free bubble and petitioned the elementary school PTA to stop tackle and touch (American) football and any sort of tag or roughhousing. Well, I have news. YOUR KIDS DO NOT HAVE SOULS OR IMMUNE SYSTEMS. They don't speak to me or look me in the eye when you are around and it often seems like I am not supposed to address them and instead say something like "This is the book that your son/daughter needs." which you will then relay to him/her through the bubble. I am their age or very near to it; they should not act like a dog that was not socialized with other dogs when it was young. You are breeding things that have about as much character, charisma, and life experience as a drawing of a frowning stick figure on a piece of printer paper.

All right, this got long and ranty. Probably because we opened to the public today and all of the past horrors came rushing back with new clothes on. Anyway, in all seriousness, I am glad to help anybody that comes in. Just as long as he/she is polite.

This thread is just the best. I worked as an embassy guard (Well, gate guard, really) a short while ago and I could tell you stories about it, but I'll just sum it up in a few points. Here are 11 anwsers to the stupidest question that I was asked:

1. No, I can't let you through here. You're not a citizen, you're not looking for a visa and you don't have a meeting here. Go away.

2. No, we don't have dogs.

3. No, you can't see my gun, because I don't have one. What I do have is a baton for beating people. Like you. I think you should leave now.

4. There isn't an exit on the other side. And even if there was, I'm no letting you through just so you could get home a bit earlier.

5. If you have a valid reason, you're not commiting a crime by going into the embassy.

6. Yes, I have a radio. It's right there. A bit to the side of my shoulder. Calling all members of the security staff to the gates, we have an idiot.

7. No, I'm not a policeman. I'm privately employed.

8. You don't need a Visa to enter.

9. Yes, you can have your protest here. However, if it turns violent we have people inside who will deal with you.

10. Yes, we do get free donuts. You can't say that I'm doing a bad job just because I'm eating a donut. It's my dinner. I hope you and your family enjoy your huge, wonderful dinner while I'm guarding here.

11. No, we do not have pornography or television in the gate house. And even if we would, you can't see it.

I'm a Store Manager in retail. 9 times out of 10 I am always right and when I'm wrong, I don't try to be right either. When I'm unsure, I call my Area Manager. Generally, the customer knows that they are wrong and know they look like dickheads when I point out how right I am and that our store polices are in accordance with the ACCC (Australian Competition & Consumer Commission)

PurpleRain:

I hate that! I put up a closed sign, I turn off my light. I have one last customer to serve and somebody walks up and, get this, puts away my close sign!! I put the close sign back up, but he still came through. So I served the bastard regardless, but I didn't look at him or speak to him. The ol' silent treatment. Not really, I fi think if I opened my mouth or looked at him, I would have been fired.

So at the end he bunches up his groceseries and says, "Bye," in a sarcastic tone, to which I reply, "Yeah." I could have said something better, but I still want to have a job.

Ah. Gotta love them.

I'd been working at Woolworths for roughly a month, and was still nervous about customers. Anyway, I'd turned off my light and put up my closed sign when this customer comes up and starts putting his stuff on my register. I looked up and said "Excuse me, sir? I'm really sorry about this but I'm all closed up!" with this really nervous smile on my face as I point to my closed sign.

Well EXCUSE ME! He's started "Of course you are! You fucking bitch! You saw I was here and put your sign up! I wanna speak to your manager!"

My manager saw the whole thing and asked him to leave because of the abuse. I ran upstairs and cried. My manager nearly punched him when he came in the next day.