PurpleRain:
*Sigh*

Anyone in Australia know about those new Woolworths petrol cards? You scan them before or during the transaction and you get a tiny bit off petrol and a chance to win in some draw? Yeah sounds all fancy. But obviously, for it to work on your transaction, you have to put it in when it's going through. Right? Easy enough? Wrong.
I was serving some elderly lady. All hapy with fake smiles from me. So far, it was all good. She was pleasent and I was talking to her about dogs I think, since she was on that topic.
Anyway, she gives me the money and I give her, her change and receit.
"Oh," she says, "I have this card, any wasy I can still put it through?"
"Sorry, I should have checked," I said appologising, "it can only go through with the purchase."
At that moment, her face went from smiles... to a look of evil! I kid you not, you should have seen the rapid change in this old ladies face when I told her I couldn't do it.
"Well! I want this purchase put onto this card somehow! I'm not going to leave until it is done!" quote unquote. Exact words, 'I'm not going to leave...' seriously, you missed your mark. No big deal.
"Ah, sorry, there's nothing I can do."
"To bad. (Boy she had some lip) Get me your manager!"
Brought the mans=ager over, and all that occured was exactly what I said, and she held up the line for a bit. Congrates!

The same thing happens with Co-op membership cards. There used to be a code on the recipt so people could phone a number and use the card after the transaction. Now there isn't unless I specifically tell the till to print it.

There are also the customers who claim that every card reader is different. Apparently there are even some that require the chip in the card to be outside the machine.

There are also muppets who attempt to use a closed till, despite the fact that:
I'm not sitting at the till
There is a closed sign on the belt
There is another closed sign on the belt which I took from another checkout to stop this happening
I have a bucket and cloth
I'm washing the till
There is a till next to me that is open with no queue.

So.. I'm assuming Woolsworth is the equivalence of all American businesses, most commonly 'Wal Mart'?

I sold a chainsaw to a customer who got very snotty with me when I suggested safety gear, stating he wasn't a moron and I didnt need to be condescending to him. So he left with no goggles chainoil or gloves.

A week later he returns with a pile of slag and cuts across his face and burns up his arms.

1, He tried to use olive oil to keep the thing lubricated as the remains of the chainsaw smelt of italian food I kid you not.

2, He threw his wrecked glasses on the table and told me they has been destroyed when a link from the chain smashed the right lense when it shattered.

3, the burns on his arms were caused when the unlubricated chainsaw hit the concrete pillar and the engine overheated.

Yeah and he tried to sue the shop for not properly labelling the fact that chainsaws were for wood and not Concrete especially the kind reinforced with steel piling rods.

I am english by the way if you just think these stupid law suits are an american invention...

Portkins:
So.. I'm assuming Woolsworth is the equivalence of all American businesses, most commonly 'Wal Mart'?

Kind of. But they don't sell as much.

You poor, poor people. If it's any comfort, I always try to treat the people working registers with respect and not bitch about the service even if I'm not satisfied with something. Better to just not buy anything there again if you don't like the service.
The worst thing I had to deal with was working as whipping boy (also known as kitchen assistant) in a busy restaurant. Some kid had puked up and down every single wall and step on a stair spanning two floors. Mysteriously, the trail of vomit ended at the toilet door. I'm sure you can guess who got to clean it up...

As a manager for burger king, ive got some real winners in the customer department. Ive had people go through the drive through and refuse to roll down their window or open their door to order, insisting that shouting through the glass would work. Customers who want a random combo but say the wrong one and expect me to know what they want, and that they shouldnt have to pay the difference cause it was my mistake. People bringing in food from other fast food places and telling me i need to replace them. Ive had people try to seriously order pizzas, donuts, popcorn, hotdogs, corn on the cob and chicken wings.
Ive seperated more then one crackhead fight because they didnt want to show the other crackheads in the car how much money they had. One time they even grabbed a pick axe from a work truck out side and almost killed the guy. Ive had crackheads come in and say my bathrooms were filthy after they decided to leave their crapped-in, gold tinted, speedo underwear floating in my toilet.
I had one lady start a fight with me over a canada penny. She refused to accept it, even after i told her that i cant open my drawers after the transaction is complete. Her change was exactly one penny. She decided her only recourse was to wait for me to open the window and toss it at my head and demand a new penny. So i grabbed my keys from my office, open the drawer, grab a penny and throw it at her. It slid down her chest and into her cleavage.
Many people come in asking for refunds on items. I always ask for a receipt. Some people give me receipts from other burger kings, some people give me reciepts from 3 months ago, but this guy brings in a hand written receipt after i asked him if he had one. He went out to his truck and wrote it out and told me that is what he ordered. He was extremely unhappy when i told him that wasnt a reciept.

Ive got millions of 'em... ive been working the fast food world for almost ten years now

Noznin:
As a manager for burger king, ive got some real winners in the customer department. Ive had people go through the drive through and refuse to roll down their window or open their door to order, insisting that shouting through the glass would work. Customers who want a random combo but say the wrong one and expect me to know what they want, and that they shouldnt have to pay the difference cause it was my mistake. People bringing in food from other fast food places and telling me i need to replace them. Ive had people try to seriously order pizzas, donuts, popcorn, hotdogs, corn on the cob and chicken wings.
Ive seperated more then one crackhead fight because they didnt want to show the other crackheads in the car how much money they had. One time they even grabbed a pick axe from a work truck out side and almost killed the guy. Ive had crackheads come in and say my bathrooms were filthy after they decided to leave their crapped-in, gold tinted, speedo underwear floating in my toilet.
I had one lady start a fight with me over a canada penny. She refused to accept it, even after i told her that i cant open my drawers after the transaction is complete. Her change was exactly one penny. She decided her only recourse was to wait for me to open the window and toss it at my head and demand a new penny. So i grabbed my keys from my office, open the drawer, grab a penny and throw it at her. It slid down her chest and into her cleavage.
Many people come in asking for refunds on items. I always ask for a receipt. Some people give me receipts from other burger kings, some people give me reciepts from 3 months ago, but this guy brings in a hand written receipt after i asked him if he had one. He went out to his truck and wrote it out and told me that is what he ordered. He was extremely unhappy when i told him that wasnt a reciept.

Ive got millions of 'em... ive been working the fast food world for almost ten years now

Wow.... just, wow. Some of my peers still wonder why I'm not getting a job at McDonald's. For the record, I will never work in a fast food joint. I will never work with the general public.

TheNecroswanson:

Roy looks at them, then looks at me, and winks.
"Well, I personally can't do it, but I will be more than happy to send *name withheald* here to take you three home."
"Roy," I say in a pleading tone, "I haven't had a breakthrough with my psychologist yet."
"Oh, you'll be okay."
"But, I'm weak sir, I've had the urges all day."
Black girls chimes in.
"Boy, you ain't gonna kill us quit playing and let's go, sheeeeit."
We both look at her with horrific stares.
"He's.....He wouldn't kill you..."
"Sir, please, if I have to go back to the prison they'll eat me alive. I don't want to rape again. If I have to drive them I won't be ale to control it!"
Their faces turned white as chalk.
"That last girl," I begin to sob and claw at my face, "I can still hear her screams! I didn't want her to die! But I couldn't control myself." Here my voice dropped to a purposeflly audible whisper. "I didn't mean to rape her to death." and I start crying.
They BOOKED! They were gone quicker then you can say, "Say what?"
And then we bust up laughing.

I fukken lol'd !

Man, I have done the same once as a receptionist... I worked as a replacement receptionist for a month in a low-2-star hotel in Paris, near the Gare du Nord (city North train station, there are 6 big train stations FIY), and Gare du Nord is especially known for its lowlife chavs looking for a fight to pick, the sex-shops lying around, and the ugly Asian and African hookers...

I had to talk dudes away, usually shoddy looking travelers or bums who wanted a room for 20 bucks for an hour with the whore, and I was in a tourism hotel*, not a prostitute's joint...
FYI, a single room was around 60 bucks (in Euros).
So I would usually tell'em to scram, not our biz, prices are non-negotiable (lies, I was allowed to offer bargains for a last-minute room, like 50 for a single room with breakfast, but here you go), I'm not the boss, would you like a word with the boss, etc.

Until this fated day where I wanted to snap so bad, my co-workers were bitching they were not paid yet less than 24-hours after payday (since most were paid with checks instead of a transfer it was slower to get done), and I had to get them the boss on the phone to shut them up, and this muhfuggin bum, visibly dirty and all with an aging Asian female thing looking like the plump 50-sumthin Chinese cashier at the supermarket near my place at the time, asking if they can spend some time in a room for 15 bucks...

That was it. I first said our prices were fixed and non-negotiable, I'm not the boss, wanna talk to him etc. And then the magic kicked in... First I said "Who the hell you think I am ? The Red Cross ? The Salvation Army ? Scram before I call the cops for trespassing."

I leaned over the counter, gesturing "come closer" to the smelly old bum, and whisper to him "Or maybe you want to end skinless in a dumpster like the two other hobos that vanished last week... I'm quite the skilled tanner you know, wanna see my wallet ?"

He went white as chalk, said he would denounce me, I said "Try, I have papers and ID, you have nothing, wanna bet on the issue ?"
Then he said to the whore "Let's try another one" and they left.

I just love myself, and yeah, due to years of dishonest panhandling by the Romanian mobs in the underground, and loud, obnoxious drunkards almost vomiting on my pants, I hate bums.
So, double pleasure, scaring a hobo and driving nuisances out of my workplace.

*(Our rooms were booked by travel companies and I had clients from Germany, Netherlands, Japan, US of A (met a very friendly family from Texas who came with grandparents and kids, they asked me to post their postcards because they didn't know where the mailboxes were and gave me popsicles because they bought a pack and forgot there was no fridge in the rooms, they were friendly and all), UK (there have been a gentleman collecting christian stuff who was a delight to have around, he was a fine company), etc.)

#73 Man this guy was a retard...

Studoku:
There are also muppets who attempt to use a closed till, despite the fact that:
I'm not sitting at the till
There is a closed sign on the belt
There is another closed sign on the belt which I took from another checkout to stop this happening
I have a bucket and cloth
I'm washing the till
There is a till next to me that is open with no queue.

I hate that! I put up a closed sign, I turn off my light. I have one last customer to serve and somebody walks up and, get this, puts away my close sign!! I put the close sign back up, but he still came through. So I served the bastard regardless, but I didn't look at him or speak to him. The ol' silent treatment. Not really, I fi think if I opened my mouth or looked at him, I would have been fired.

So at the end he bunches up his groceseries and says, "Bye," in a sarcastic tone, to which I reply, "Yeah." I could have said something better, but I still want to have a job.

This is one when I worked at Subways. This kid comes in and has to use the bathroom. I doesn't matter that he isn't buying anything, so I tell him, "Go ahead." He is in there for about 20 minutes, then he runs out of the store and leaves a strange smudge on the front door. I look at this brown smudge on the door and realize that it's shit, so I run into the bathroom. Turns out that this kid decided to fingerpaint with his own shit. It took me an hour to clean up his "masterpiece."

My problem isn't usually the legitimate customers; I never see that many frustrating customers and I manage to deal with even the worst that I've met pretty well. No, the problem isn't with the customers; it's with the fucking shoplifting kids.

Near to the petrol station that I work, there must be some sort of halting site for a group known as the Irish Travellers, an itinerant group with a bad reputation. Despite this reputation, the older teenagers and adults are acceptable. However, their children are real nightmares.

These children are belligerent and confrontational. Because I'm one of the shortest males at 5'7" to work at this petrol station, and I also wear glasses, these children somehow find it appropriate to try to threaten me, despite that firstly, I'm usually beside a phone which will contact the police, and secondly, if they were to start something, I'd probably destroy them in a fight. I have to keep myself restrained from knocking out their teeth every time they come in, and I haven't been an aggressive person for a long time.

There was an incident where one of the children actually came in while I was looking at her, despite the fact that she had been barred from the shop, picked up a packet of crisps, while I was still looking at her, and giving me a look, bolted from the shop. Now, I was pissed off. I got my co-worker from his break, ran out the door, looking for the offender. After a few seconds, I spotted her and two of her friends. I'm a decent, if not brilliant sprinter, but I was running on a leg that had been badly sprained two days previous. This didn't factor into my utter loathing of this child, and so I legged it after them, coming within about six feet of the shoplifter when she dropped the packet of crisps that she took. Stopping to pick up the crisps, I saw them standing across the road. I wasn't going to let them be in a position to taunt me, so, ever aware of my sprained ankle, I continued across the road and proceeded to run for about two hundred metres after them through a car park. In retrospect, they're lucky that my leg wasn't in top condition. Very lucky.

Then there are the non-Traveller children who we know are thieving bastards - we've seen them take things, so this isn't just speculation, either - this lot probably pick it up from the Travellers. If anybody asks why I've picked up a native hatred of teenagers, I'll be able to give them actual examples. Hell, at this point, if I saw myself coming through the doors, I'd probably want to kick the shit out of myself on general principle - I'm 19.

unholy vagrant:
This is one when I worked at Subways. This kid comes in and has to use the bathroom. I doesn't matter that he isn't buying anything, so I tell him, "Go ahead." He is in there for about 20 minutes, then he runs out of the store and leaves a strange smudge on the front door. I look at this brown smudge on the door and realize that it's shit, so I run into the bathroom. Turns out that this kid decided to fingerpaint with his own shit. It took me an hour to clean up his "masterpiece."

Lol that will show you to be kind to young people.

unholy vagrant:
This is one when I worked at Subways. This kid comes in and has to use the bathroom. I doesn't matter that he isn't buying anything, so I tell him, "Go ahead." He is in there for about 20 minutes, then he runs out of the store and leaves a strange smudge on the front door. I look at this brown smudge on the door and realize that it's shit, so I run into the bathroom. Turns out that this kid decided to fingerpaint with his own shit. It took me an hour to clean up his "masterpiece."

How old was this one tard ? He should have licked-clean his art methinks...

Cyclomega:

unholy vagrant:
This is one when I worked at Subways. This kid comes in and has to use the bathroom. I doesn't matter that he isn't buying anything, so I tell him, "Go ahead." He is in there for about 20 minutes, then he runs out of the store and leaves a strange smudge on the front door. I look at this brown smudge on the door and realize that it's shit, so I run into the bathroom. Turns out that this kid decided to fingerpaint with his own shit. It took me an hour to clean up his "masterpiece."

How old was this one tard ? He should have licked-clean his art methinks...

This kid had to be about three or four. Where his parents were, I have no idea.

electric discordian:
I sold a chainsaw to a customer who got very snotty with me when I suggested safety gear, stating he wasn't a moron and I didnt need to be condescending to him. So he left with no goggles chainoil or gloves.

A week later he returns with a pile of slag and cuts across his face and burns up his arms.

1, He tried to use olive oil to keep the thing lubricated as the remains of the chainsaw smelt of italian food I kid you not.

2, He threw his wrecked glasses on the table and told me they has been destroyed when a link from the chain smashed the right lense when it shattered.

3, the burns on his arms were caused when the unlubricated chainsaw hit the concrete pillar and the engine overheated.

Yeah and he tried to sue the shop for not properly labelling the fact that chainsaws were for wood and not Concrete especially the kind reinforced with steel piling rods.

I am english by the way if you just think these stupid law suits are an american invention...

Oh man. You work in a chainsaw shop. Awesome.

the worst age group to serve at any job is 10-18... If had to chase kids out who think its ok to ride bikes in my store. the worst part is when parents teach'em to steal. Ive had parents ask for cups of water and go and get soda for their kids. The smart ones will atleast get sprite... the dumb ones get orange soda or coke... its impossible to miss that. Teenage graffiti artists think they are cool cause they can write their name on ceramic tile with a sharpie.... they have yet to realize its damn near impossible to stain tiles... you can get the grout inbetween.. but i can wipe off tiles with water and a sponge.
P.S. Not sure if they have these in other countries but the shoes with the one skate wheel in the heel. I Hate those with a passion. Kids dont understand that putting all their weight on on one heel on a hard plastic wheel can lead to broken tiles. And parents dont care! If had to kick parents out cause they couldnt keep the brats under control.

*edit* i also had four guys come through one night in drive thru, pulled right up to the window with out placing an order. They handed me a note that said "we cant hear/ completely deaf, we would like XXXXXXX and XXXXXx" Normally thats ok... but i wrote something on their note and handed it back. They started laughing and drove off. My reply: "then why is your radio so loud?"

RAKtheUndead:

Then there are the non-Traveller children who we know are thieving bastards - we've seen them take things, so this isn't just speculation, either - this lot probably pick it up from the Travellers. If anybody asks why I've picked up a native hatred of teenagers, I'll be able to give them actual examples. Hell, at this point, if I saw myself coming through the doors, I'd probably want to kick the shit out of myself on general principle - I'm 19.

I know a lot of people like that, constantly stealing and thinking they're cool. Really hate the pricks when they steal and spend the next week bragging about it.

I'd put up a sign "If i catch you stealing you will never walk again" (don't follow through though, that'd be wrong). and you might get caught.

Decoy Doctorpus:

electric discordian:
I sold a chainsaw to a customer...

Oh man. You work in a chainsaw shop. Awesome.

New place to stay when the zombies come.

Disclaimer: No don't start a zombie thread. I am both aware that they are loud and spray blood and are not ideal to kill zombies with.

Hi,

Long time reader, first time poster.

I worked for the Health Service in the UK for 3 years, in the HR department. One of my jobs was to write to people informing them of their grade and pay changes. I was provided with an Excel spreadsheet showing me First Name, Last Name, Address, Old Pay, New Pay.

So I would put all this information into the standard letter, but it required a Title field (Mr, Mrs, Ms, Miss, Dr etc). Which I wasn't given, so I would do my best to add what I could from the names.

So one afternoon I get a call from a woman who is very polite, and informs me that I have put Ms on her letter. I ask for her name, which is Tracy. I apologise (thinking is this really the kind of thing people complain about in the real world) and ask if she would like me to change it to Miss on the letter and resend it?

She instantly turns from a rather pleasant woman to the customer from hell, and YELLS at me down the phone:

"NO!!!! I AM A F***ING MAN!! ITS MR!!!!!!"

Woah! For a start this is the most feminine man I have ever heard, and second, their name is Tracey (a very common womans name in the UK). How the hell am I supposed to know what they look like?!

So, I apologise, alot, and offer to resend the letter. To which he/she/it replies "I WILL GET YOU FIRED FOR THIS!!!" and sure enough I get a letter of complaint, which is instantly binned.

Way to overreact! Still, I hang up, laugh, and forget all about it.

However... fast forward 6 months, I had left the Health Service, and was sat in front of the TV one Saturday evening flicking through. "Britains Got Talent" is on (our version of American Idol type thing), and is normally good for mindlessly staring at, so stare I do. When who should crop up next, but "Tracey, from the Health Service". OMG! From my town, my service, MY TRACEY!!!

A BIG fat bald guy, with a high pitch voice. I start laughing at how I thought this fella was a woman and how annoyed he got for me thinking he was one.. until... he suddenly pops on a wig, climbs into a dress, and does a Shirley Bassey impression, live on British TV, and reveals in his spare time he is Drag Queen!!!

And he had the CHEEK to threaten to FIRE me, over me thinking he was a woman!!!!!

Thankfully, he lost on the show.

Not so much a story about a customer, and not even one that I experienced myself, but was one of such pure idiocy that I feel I have to relate it.

A friend of mine used to work in HMV in Wood Green (North London, where I used to live). One day they see this little kid in the store, probably not even a teenager yet, stealing CD's. Security pick him up and takes him into the back room.
They dont call the police, they just tell him to give them back the CDs. Kid point blank refuses.
They tell him they've seen him on film, they know he's got them and all he has to do is give them back and they'll let him go. Kid refuses, spouting that they cant prove anything, that he's 'the man', they cant touch him, his 'crew' will come back and burn down the store etc if they dont let him go.
They show him the film and tell him they will call the police if he doesnt give them the CD's. Kid refuses, spouts more threats and bluster about how he's untouchable.
Police are called, they search the kid, recover the CD's and a couple of hundred pounds worth of crack from the kids pockets.
So instead of giving back the CD's and going free with no repurcussions (other than a ban from HMV I would imagine), the little prick gets arrested for shoplifting and posession with intent to supply a class A controlled substance, as well as no doubt getting into deep shit with his supplier.
I suppose in a way you cant really blame a kid if he's had his head pumped full of shit about what a hardcore untouchable gangster he is by whoever was supplying his rocks, but damn, show some fucking common sense.

LOVE THIS THREAD!

I am unlucky enough to work on the checkouts of a supermarket.

and to make a boring job more frustrating half the tills have broken 'chip and pin' machines.... so 'im sorry, but i have to ask you to sign here please'..... no its not my falt, so dont have a go at me for the machines being broken.

Ah yes. Because of someone at the store selling alcohol to some underage customer before id been employed there, we BY LAW had to ask EVERY CUSTOMER BUYING ALCOHOL if they are 'over 21' 'are you over 21?' an if they looked younger than 30 we had to ask for ID.

So we basically ensured that all customers in their 50's to 80's thought that we were all monumentaly thick and couldnt actually tell if you were 18 or 80. ( 18 being the drinking age in england).
and we had to refuse to sell them the alcohol if they rufused to say that they were or didnt have/show ID if needed.

1 in 10 ladies in their 40's-50's actually took it as a compliment that we must aparently think that they looked that young.(sigh). which was better than being yelled at for having such a ridiculous policy that really really wasnt my fault.

- some others, 1 in 50 could see, (or we told them) that we where being screwed by some new company policy forced upon us.

-luckily that stopped after 3 months as some retart took it to the papers saying that the girl that served him could tell if he was over the age of 18.

the joy, oh and of course customers damning you to hell as they cant find the exact item they want fast enough, or a milk container is leeking and they put it in my lap and tell me to magically sort out the mess,(while im not even allowed to leave my till)- i have to ring the bell for my manager, while 'possibly bad' milk is all over me and will make me and my uniform smell like sour milk for the rest of the day. ugh.

And at least a dozen times a day i get asked where/ if ther is a toilet.(the toilets are at the front of the store as you come in with a bid blue sign over them) (luckily there are toilets or there'd be more complaints.

I dont care and cant do anything to change it if another supermarket 'does x better' has item x cheaper' or whatever so dont bother telling me.

Oh and couples that decide to have a full blown martial(sp)'debate' argument in front of my till. cant they just take it outside where they'd actually be able to hear each other clearly and wont stress me out by a. asking my opinion on their other half's aparent faults (how should i know) b.shouting at me or being rude to me just cause theyv had a bad day/is angry.

trinkey:
So I would put all this information into the standard letter, but it required a Title field (Mr, Mrs, Ms, Miss, Dr etc). Which I wasn't given, so I would do my best to add what I could from the names.

Heh... spouse works in the medical care, oncology to be exact, and had this hillarious conversarion on the phone one day. Spouse had started the call by explaining that this was about a patient with prostate cancer. The person on the other of the line was filling in a standard form about the patient and was obviously a bit zoned out and going on autopilot, starting at the top of the form and asked spouse:

"Is it Mr or Mrs?"

"Say what? I just told you: it's a patient with prostate cancer."

"Yes, I heard. Mr or Mrs?"

Ok, so men can and do get breast cancer at times... but prostate cancer in a woman? Now that is a bit of a anatomical oddity, unless of course the person at the other end was concidering that transgender male-to-female persons may retain their prostate... but spouse suspects that wasnt the case here but simply someone who accidentally forgot to turn on the brain before taking the call.

/S

There's too many good ones here for me to even begin.

All I'll say is that I've had product thrown at me, sworn at, hit, a knife pulled on, ignorance, stupidity, blatant attempts to work the system, theft, and a few other things.

Now I work happily in a warehouse until I can afford to pay for flight school. Yippee.

i was at the movies with my girlfriend and she decides she wants to order the tickets.. with me pay of course... anyway we get up there and she sayes can we have 2 student tickets please.. and the man goes "for what" and she looks at him like the man is an idiot and goes .. "uhhh for us?". and the man sayes "no, what movie" and i cant stop laughing... haha XD

vamp rocks:
i was at the movies with my girlfriend and she decides she wants to order the tickets.. with me pay of course... anyway we get up there and she sayes can we have 2 student tickets please.. and the man goes "for what" and she looks at him like the man is an idiot and goes .. "uhhh for us?". and the man sayes "no, what movie" and i cant stop laughing... haha XD

No offence but who do you date!?!
Like...wow... "uhhh for us?"...lol/wtf.

Reaperman Wompa:
No offence but who do you date!?!
Like...wow... "uhhh for us?"...lol/wtf.

shes blonde.... shes hot though.... but blonde

PurpleRain:

Decoy Doctorpus:

electric discordian:
I sold a chainsaw to a customer...

Oh man. You work in a chainsaw shop. Awesome.

New place to stay when the zombies come.

Disclaimer: No don't start a zombie thread. I am both aware that they are loud and spray blood and are not ideal to kill zombies with.

What's this about zombies?

Heh, I used to do a paper run, and I discovered how to tell a person's personality by their mail box.

Man, I meat some nasty pieces of work there.

Then my boss introduced a GPS tracking system, and I quit.

I'm so glad I did.

Oh... have to relate one from my dad. While he's not a clerk, he most certainly has a job with services: the police. Anyway, he didn't personally live this, but he had the pictures to prove it.

His colleagues in the district were having a speed limit checkpoint at the highway. It's a 110 km/h motorway and they were useing the laser from a bridge, shooting people in the back so to speak. Suddenly, two power machines zoom by and the laser tags them in excess of 230 km/h. They place the call to the patrol car up ahead to try to do something about these lunatics before they hurt someone, or themslves.

As it happened though, they got off the road at the next overpass and this is where the patrol car found them. They found two guys and one. Dodge Viper, a car as you are all aware is in the 80 000 - 100 000 USD range. So where was the other car? Well... this is where the pretty pictures dad showed me come in. The guy had gotten "speed blind", and thus misjudged the speed, wiped out the car, and flew out in the bushes. The pictures showed the trail in the crass, into the bushed, and the other Viper, standing on its side in the middle of young birches and bushes... wrecked.

Fortunately the guys were allright (the police is always relieved when people make it out ok, no matter how caerless people have acted). So here came the fun part: ok guys... would you care to explain? If there is something any copper knows, it's that everyone has an explanation for anything. "I didn't do anything", "Wasn't me", "Was me but I had this really good reason", "It was all your(!) fault" (oh yes, I've seen that one myself).

And these guys were no different. Their story was that they had been assaulted, beaten and had gottem one of the cars hijacked! They were chasing it... and assailants had - of course - taken off on foot. "Right(!)" ...said dad's collagues. "...assaulted and beaten huh?" "Mm hm!" said the guys and stuck to their bullshit story. And the cops just smiled wider and wider.

Thing is, as a policeman there are certain procedures you must follow. And even when you know something is pure bullshit you have to stick to procedure. But... as it turns out in this case, their report on being assaulted and beaten triggered a special kind of procedure, one that the police officers more than happilly obliged with. After all, these guys reported a grave offence! Assault with intent of committing theft, that is inded a serious crime. So... we secure evidence! Off to the nearest medical station; the guys are told to strip down to have their injuries photographed and documented.

Of course they didn't have as much as a bruise, except possibly from the seatbelt that saved the driver of the wrecked Viper from getting wrapped around a tree. Had they just said they had gotten the car stolen, instead of saying they got beaten and robbed of the car, their bullshit turd of a story might have floated around a bit longer before getting flushed. But no dice... they got charged with gross reckless driving and the insurance company gave them the finger.

A fool and his money are easily parted...

Speaking of money, one day someone called dad at the office and tried to provoke him by saying he refuses to pay any taxes. Dad, surprised and instantly amused, answered the caller that maybe he had gotten the wrong number. Perhaps he would be better adviced to direct the call to their nextdoor neighbours, the tax-office? Oh no, it was the right number allright... just called to inform that he does indeed refuse to pay taxes. So you say. And? wondered dad. Well the taxes pay your salary! said the caller. Well, no, said dad. My salary comes from my employer, the police authorties, and they in turn get their money from the regional budget.

Going on for several minutes, the caller tried and tried to in any way elicit a response from dad, and just getting more and more frustrated as his brilliant plan just went into a fail-spin and eventually crashed flat. Eventually he just hung up and dad had an amusing story to tell. :)

/S

Lord Krunk:

Then my boss introduced a GPS tracking system, and I quit.

I'm so glad I did.

What?! Was he heavily influenced by 1984 by any chance?
I remember I used to help a mate with his paper run sometimes, and we'd do it on bin night, one paper to a letterbox, 4 to the recycling bin. It was a good system, albeit one that would have been ruined by GPS.

In the run up to christmas, our pub was incredibly busy- we were all pulling 6 day weeks, doing around 50 hours. A week before Christmas, a man comes into the pub, and asks Boris (my Latvian supervisor) if he has to book in on xmas day for lunch. Boris tells him that the kitchen won't be open on xmas day. Customer can't quite wrap his head around this concept. "so I just turn up on the day for food?" "No, we won't be serving food."
"Eh? Oh let me speak to someone who speaks English."
I step in, as Boris walks off in exasperation. "What seems to be the problem?"
"Oh good, someone who speaks English." (I think my eye might have twitched a little at that remark.) "I just wanted to ask about booking for xmas dinner here."
"Sir, we aren't serving food on xmas day, the kitchen will be closed."
"So I just turn up then and.."
"No sir, we won't be serving any food."
"So, can I come in then for food?"
"You can come in for a drink, but you won't get any food. The kitchen isn't open."
"So can I-"
"We are not. doing. food. on. christmas. day."
"Oh... Ok. Thats all I needed to know. Thank you."
He walks out of the pub. We all look at each other with "What the fuck?" expressions, whilst the regulars stood nearby are leaning on the bar to stay upright, they're laughing so hard.

Reaperman Wompa:

Portkins:
So.. I'm assuming Woolsworth is the equivalence of all American businesses, most commonly 'Wal Mart'?

Kind of. But they don't sell as much.

You have to kind of look at the entire company behind it which is conveniently called Woolworths Limited which has a LOT of tentacles. And we should not continue this.

I'm not vent some of the idiocy I've dealt with just yet, but damn...

Surely the answer for all these companies, is give your staff more power to refuse service, or at least allow your manager to own some balls when it comes to dealing with idiot customers.

I used to get sick of refusing to help someone who was clearly taking the piss, trying to con us, then he'd demand the manager, who would come over all smiles and immediately just do whatever the customer asked.

Really, in my experience the really bad customers were more 1% than 99%, and I think it would help the company in general if they just let staff refuse them, or let management say 'no' sometimes. That brand of customers are usually just seeing how much free stuff they can get because of their 'rights', so screw em, send em somewhere else, and once they're getting refused at every store, maybe they'll have to treat the staff in a vaguely human way to get their food.

Anyway rant over, and sorry its not more amusing tales of idiocy, sure someone will fill in for me below tho.

I know so many friends of mine who worked at a starbucks in Canada, or at least my brother does anyway, that had to deal with stupid consumers. This happened on the day that the last Twilight Book released.

There was this group of girls around my age (14-15) and they were your typical bimbo girls-that-dressed-like-french-tards, and judging by how they talked, they were obviously extremely hyper, and/or most likely had an IQ of 40 (the only thing i heard them talk about was Jonas brothers, Hannah Montana, basic teeny bopper bullshit). So they went up and the girl was like, may i have an Americano Frappuncino, and the guy behind the register (my brothers friend) was like, "....sorry we dont have that" and she kept going with the same order OVER AND OVER for three times.

Then the girl who obviously was obviously the leader of the pack was like, thats enough, we'll take 4 mocha frappuchinos medium. I can tell he wanted to curbstomp em, and he wanted to tell them its a grande. So he did the drinks and gave the drinks to the harpies, and the girl said, "you're hot" and did a kiss blow to them and they just giggled away. I don't know if they are stupid... or if they were hyper. One things for sure, they fail at life.

Just my two cents, the outlandish coffee and size names at Starbucks are obnoxious enough to my taste that it deserves some trolling once in a while...

An anecdote on the other side of the counter, I like going to Starbucks sometimes, although it's expensive, and I ordered this time my usual XL coffee of the week (venti for you purists), and a raspberry cheesecake. They forgot to charge the cheese cake and lost half of the order (I was with friends), and we learned it was the barista's first day.
Funny thing, every time I went there they were training new people, who messed up all the time.
Bored with what seemed like a deja-vu overdose, I simply asked for my cake when they gave me my coffee, and my friend asked for his blueberry muffin.
The guy asked us why we were asking for it there, we simply said we were not given our pastries at the cashier, he called for them and we got'em free for once. It was cool.