AgentCLXXXIII:
Never go down on the drunkest chick at techno gothic dance club...
She dresses like a Giger painting.

Whoa. Nice :D

Want to know how I got these scars? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8I3zCQzZx68

You want to know how I got these scars? Crafty mexicans and their glass candy.

MindBullets:

Hookman:
Oh by the way I looked up the term for those scars. The official term for the joker scars is
'a glasgow smile'

Pretty sure it's actually a "Chelsea Smile". Your source probably got confused with a "Glasgow Kiss" (which is a headbutt to the face for those who weren't aware).

Its also called a Chicago Smile. YOu can do it with a credit cards. Hows that for one then. Lets find out.

My father... never wanted me. He always saw me as a drain on resources, if you will. He also liked drinking. And spending. Oh, he was such a spender. Expensive things, things he could never afford. Thats why I like cheap things. Like knives. Like this one. Funny story behind this knife. But that can be for later. So one night, daddy comes home. He's very drunk. He'd been trying to drown his sorrows abiut the bills he couldn't pay, about the credit collectors breathing down his neck. He stumbles in. He sees me. In his eyes, I''m the reason for his sorrow. Now mother, heh heh... shes not around. Shes having a bath. She can't hear him. She can't hear me when I start to tell him none of this is my fault. he yells at me and grabs me. He gets out his vallet. Gets out hsi hated credit cards. Puts one in between my lips. He tells me that I'm about to share his suffering. I start to wimper. He looks at me, and says 'Lets put a smile on that face.' Then he gives the card a shove. Now, I'm always smiling. Thanks to dearest father.

You wanna know how I got these scars? Because I couldn't stop licking the outer left and right sides of my mouth, but I did know licking scars would make them worse. So my friend cut the sides of my mouth, and I stopped licking them. Instead, now I lick the upper and lower outer side of my mouth!

And also I just wanted to look more horrible and realistic than Jack Nicholson, who just probably ate a triangle-shaped...something.

In fact, my good friend Harvey Dent already joined my corporation of creepy looking Jokers.

Wanna know how I got these scars. You see I love to travel. Some people... well, they happen to be afraid of flying. So I'm on this plane you see, and the guy sitting next to me just so happens to be one of these people.
Not ten minutes after the plane takes off this guy pulls a knife out of his boot, he grabs me and he starts laughing and he says, "This plane shouldn't be flying, this must be some kind of joke!" Then he sticks the blade in my mouth and he asks, "Why aren't you laughing? Why so serious?"

You want to know how I got these scars? Neither do I.

You want to know how I got these scars? You want the truth about these scars do you? Well YOU CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH... about these scars... it had nothing to do with a teddy bear...or a walrus...or a cup of tea. And it especially had nothing to do with all three of those things together in a 6 hour cage match to the death... yeah.

Wanna know how I got these scars? Jaywalking.

Wanna know how I got these scars?
*looks back at mum giving the evil eye*
I uh.. fell down.. yea.. off the stairs...

Want to know how I got these scars? Well, there was this guy, see. He was having a bad day. So he decided to jump off a building! But it seemed his friends weren't too happy about that. They screamed their quaint little pleas and then he jumped. He fell through a glass case and landed right on a rail...cut himself in half...Hehe. Ha. HAHAHA. It was...absolutely hilarious. His friends didn't seem to see the funny side though. They grabbed me and started trying to beat that smile right off my face. I couldn't let that happen, could I? So I grabbed a piece of glass near their friend who had a bad day, opened wide, and...tugged a little. Then I felt that smile creeping back onto my face. But I seemed to be the only one smiling now! I looked up and saw all those friends frowning. All of his friends. So, I grabbed another piece of glass and decided to make some new happy friends! Hehehe..whoho..hahaha...Do you know who you remind me of?

Wanna know how I got these scars?
- ebay

Wanna know how I got these scars?
- Lets just say it isn't possible to get 98 hotdogs in your mouth at once...

Wanna know how I got these scars?
- I find 2 and half men way too funny

Wanna know how I got these scars?
- Never try to french kiss a shark.

Wanna know how I got these scars?
- call this number NOW!

Wanna know how I got these scars?
- nope, I'm out of answers. anyone else want a go?

Want to know how I got these scars?
Never piss of a polar bear

You wanna know how I got these scars? I was opening a tennis ball can with my mouth and then my dad just came up and cut me, it was so random.

I'm going to have to cite that as not my own, but College Humor's joke.

corporate_gamer:
want to know how i got these scars? industrial accident, nobodys fault.

Want to know how I got my scars? Wanking!

I rickrolled Chuck Norris and he made the guitar strings come out of the screen.

I played too much Oddworld and thought it might be a good idea to follow in Abe's footsteps.
(Seriously. Oddworld games are disturbing)

"You want to know how I got these scars?...I cut my face with a knife..."

. . .

Actually that wasn't very interesting.

PMetal:

TwilightFan182:

SecretTacoNinja:
"You wanna know how I got these scars? I was Trick or Treating when I was young (dressed as a clown of course)... and Bruce Wayne's mom gave me a candy apple with a razor blade in it, that's why I killed his parents EEEEEYAHAHAHAHA!!!"

The Joker didn't kill Bruce Wayne's parents. He would have only been a kid then, himself. The Waynes' killer was a random thug named Joe Chill.

No, no Joker actually killed Bruce's parents; the Batman Begins story is bollocks.

that's what I've seen in the "batman returns" right?

You want to know how I got these scars?

My plastic surgeon was an alcoholic...he was supposed to remove a nasty-looking tumor-like formation on my cheek.

His father had died, so he was especially drunk that day. When I saw him, he could barely stand upright; I wasn't stupid. I couldn't let this beer-bellied bastard cut me up.

So I tried to do it myself. With a kitchen knife.

Bad idea.

"Want to know how I got these scars?

When I was a boy--probably, *Licks lips annoyingly* six or seven, my father took me to the fair. He went to get us a soda, and I wandered off to find the man who sold balloons. He was in an odd place--in that little patch of darkness between the popcorn kiosk and the fortune-teller's tent. He...beckoned, to me...

'Come here, little boy...don't you want a balloon? I have red ones.'

I liked red, so I went to get one. He drew back. they were in his stall, he said, so I followed him.

The next hour passed in a blur of pain and mind-bending horror. He held me down and did things to me I still can't imagine are actually possible. When it was over, he pulled out of me, grinning widely, and smacked me for crying. Then he reached over, and picked up the pocket knife I'd got for my birthday--it had fallen out of my pocket while he buggered me--and said to me, 'stop bawling, little boy! Put a smile on that precious face! Come now, stop that! Why....*carving with each word* So....serious?' "

"I lost a bet"

When my mommy was 15...She got a little Crazzyzyzy, from daddy. I find out when im 12 that my dad knocked up my mommy when she was under the influence...destroyed me as a kid, but you see I coped. Anways, my mommy didn't know what to do, her mother was a religous zealot and abortions aren't allowed if your christian....I think....so she died to use the close hanger...She miracously hit me right on my face and put a smile on her womb. But my grandmother caught her an pulled it out, their was struggle. Thats why I don't have a smirk!

You wanna know how I got these scars?...My father...was Jackie Chan. And he would always come home from work and karate chop me...he didn't like me you see. So one day daddy comes home, and he says...something I can't understand his thick accent. And I said " what I can't understand you daddy". For...some reason daddy doesn't like that..not one bit. So he gets a Katana from the garage, and he says ' Did you like Rush Hour 3?" and I say " It was okay, but it was nothing compared the originals. Daddy really doesn't like that, so he strikes me with the katana, across the chest. I lost a lot of blood and went to the hospital. My mother divorced him, and that was that. But about these scars...lets just say, That's what I would do for a Klondike bar

You want to know how I got these scars? Well, my dentist figured out I was lying to him about flossing every day, he didn't take kindly to it.

Cyclomega:
Wanna know how I got these scars ?

I got in one little fight and my Mum got scared,
She said "You're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air"

WIN

You sir, have won the internets.

End the thread now. This is just pure win.

You want to know how I got these scars? I stole one of Mr. T's chains. He was not very happy about it, and frankly, I'm never doing anything as collosally stupid as that again.

Joker: You wanna know how I got these scars?
Batman: WHURRSS HARRRVEEEHHHY
Joker: I'll make it quick, then. Grapefruit and a spork actually... I, uh, I really like grapefruit.
*Lengthy awkward silence*
Joker: So, anyway, about those friends of yours I'm going to blow up.

you know how i got these scars? razor blade fetish...

Want to know how I got these scars? Let's just say that ducking under a garotte isn't always a good idea when you're not moving fast enough..

Wanna know how i got these scars? well they're either a) not real; put there as another method of influencing other people's emotions or b) self inflicted, put there as another method of influencing other people's emotions -- choose for yourself!

Eyclonus:
You see these scars on my face? My pretty little face here... You know those kind of story to them, a lesson if you will. You know what mum said to you when you little, waving those scissors about, "PUT THE SCISSORS DOWN OR YOU'LL TAKE AN EYE OUT WITH THAT THING".. Well My "BIG BROTHER" of sorts.. He started waving them round, and you see I was angry, he stole my cupcake.. So I reached out to take his.. and he waves them at me... But well you know.. Parents and mothers and all that interfering shit. So mumsy grabs my bros arm, he ain't happy with that so he starts a waving, and she's a screaming.. and hey little old me opens me mouth and suddenly I'm all smiling all the time... O'course my mother's gone ballistic the dogs in thick of it all what with all the barking and screaming and me brother there is just stunned like, mouth open like one of those.. CLOWNS eesh.. So I'm not happy. I take those scissors out of his hand and put them back in, except the wrong way. Now He starts screaming. so I take them out and try to pass them back, but he pushes me and I pretty much remove his fly... Mum being the helpful shit-faced C___ she is starts yelling at me, but the dog's hungry so I feed him the scrap meat on the floor, next to my brothers ketchup covered jeans.
Mum starts shaking me but I'm a good boy so I show the scissors nice and up close... and what do you know;

These things do take out eyes...

the mind af a truly insane geinious