Make your Own SAW challenge!

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Jaythulhu:
How's this... a bunch of hollywood movie studio execs are put into a locked room, and they have to find and fund a movie that's not yet another sequel, remake or adaptation of any other film, comic, tv show or video game, or else they'll be covered with steak sauce and a nest of fire ants will be released into the room.

Although fun to watch, not even THAT, i think, is enough to save hollywood from it's rip'ofa'tron coupled with bad'movie'a'tron.

You awaken in a dark, edgy looking room. A voice says, "Hello, dude. I'd like to play a game. You have played games for years, now you have to play a game of my choice. In order to escape, you must play through Superman 64 over 1000 times. Oh, and you have to play it on a 5 inch black and white TV."

*A headset in place around the victim's head crackles on*

Good Evening, (Victim's Name)...Rest well, did we? I apologize for the rough treatment, but see, I want to play a little game with you, but you likely would have said no, and well, I'm not very good at dealing with rejection.

Are you familiar with the term 'Troll', my friend? No, not the races in your computer games, Troll as in the idiom from your cherished internet. Troll, as in what you are, my friend. An entity that makes issues of non-issues. A creature who uses anonymity to clutch at another's mood and drag it downward. The kind of person who uses 'Gay' as a synonym for bad or weak, and must crudely take aim at things they do not like or understand. One would think it a form of Masochism to expose oneself to topics that disgust or frustrate, but I'm not here for a psychological debate, but a social exercise.

Of course, you've noticed the headset. Feel free to adjust it a bit for your comfort, but do NOT remove it, and do not move the microphone too far. There is C4 in your new accessory, with a trigger in the mouthpiece if toyed with too much, and proximity sensors to other triggers in the ears. Said sensors are embedded in your ears...might be why the lobes are a tad sore. The proximity triggers are set to a mere inch and a half, so don't think you can just rest it around your neck.

You'll notice the room is covered in screens. I've arranged a little entertainment. Well, they won't be entertainment for you, unless of course, masochism is your thing. See, I've gathered as many sources of video as I can along the lines of which you have lambasted in the past. Notice the ceilings and the floor have monitors embedded in them. Gives new meaning to Surround Sound, doesn't it? I'm actually rather proud.

When this message finishes, the Monitors will power on and cycle through the little collection I've gathered. All you have to do is watch, and not reply. Once started, any noise above the general decibel level my presentation offers will trigger the C4. If your whole head is not splintered, you'll doubtless lose your ears and an unpleasantly high proportion of your face, and likely die of blood loss before you recover from the shock and pain.

I wouldn't try to destroy the monitors, that'd no doubt make enough noise for the microphone to pick up. And no closing your eyes or taking a nap, friend. I managed an additional treat for your tearducts. Photosensors. If they fail to recieve light for 5 consecutive seconds, that's another trigger. They also take about 2 seconds to register light after losing consistent contact, so really, that's a 3 second timer. I know, I know, there are a lot of these little buttons not to push, but really, if you were me, would you hold someone in your position to the honour system? Don't lie, you know you would not.

Now, being generously low, I'd wager you spend 3 to 4 hours online a day. So that's how long my little presentation is. When it's over, the door to your side will unlock, and the little bombs in your headgear will be neutralized, allowing you passage out, and back to your little 'life' as you call it.

Let me just summarize for you, to be fair. Don't take off the headset. Don't move the microphone away from your mouth. Don't make any noise beyond breathing, and don't close your eyes to the show. 4 Hours of uncomfortable media later, you'll be free.

Our show is about to begin. Please turn off all cell phones.

And now, our Feature Presentation. And remember, Silence is Golden.

*Click of recording ending as the monitors flick on*

PurpleRain:
Large room. Chained down. TV in front of you. Naked. The usual right? The chains around you are on a timer and after however long, the chains will unlock and you will go free. There is a phone to call for help on the far wall but you can't reach it. The phone is behinf the TV, mocking you. Your head is held still facing the TV and your eyes are held open. In arms distance is a banana.

The TV turns on...

...Hana Montana movie marathon begins to play.

Do you wait for the end to be released and call for help, or will you take your own life with the banana?

i choose the bannana

Good morning Christopher Walken,Good to see you waking up from your...surgery.Enough of that,Let's play a game.For years you have denied your involvement with the only video game you've worked on.Don't remember do you?1996,Walken,or should I say...Detective Magnotta.Well now's time to refresh your memory.What's strapped to your wrist is what you used to call in the game Ripper,your W.A.C. But with one modification.There's only one piece of software installed in it.That software contains every puzzle from act 3 of your game,Ripper.You should remember those Chris.Cracking the code to Magnotta's Appartment,Not to mention all 3 cyber well puzzles required to get the only weapon to kill the ripper just to name a few.I'm sure you've already noticed your in the same suit,tie,hat and all from your previous roll in the game.To fit the mood,so to speak *evil laughter* you have 30 minutes to solve each puzzle.Oh by the way Magnotta,Almost forgot to mention,your wac is strapped to a time bomb that activates the timer once you open the program.And one more warning friend,You loose at 1 puzzle,you loose your life.Solve or Die Magnotta,it's your choice.Your's Truely,Jigsaw...*screen goes static*

I've never understood the appeal of Saw. When the first one came out, I knew that it was either going to be quite tense thriller, or a series of vignettes showing off how gruesome and twisted the writers were in a 'just-hit-puberty' stylee. I suspected that the latter was more likely to be the case and was proven right when I saw the first movie. I haven't seen any of the others, I suppose they just seem a little juvenile.

However, in the spirit of the thread, my Saw challenge would be to watch through all five movies without feeling a little dirty afterwards, or, urrm, kill yourself with a scone or something.

PurpleRain:
Large room. Chained down. TV in front of you. Naked. The usual right? The chains around you are on a timer and after however long, the chains will unlock and you will go free. There is a phone to call for help on the far wall but you can't reach it. The phone is behinf the TV, mocking you. Your head is held still facing the TV and your eyes are held open. In arms distance is a banana.

The TV turns on...

...Hana Montana movie marathon begins to play.

Do you wait for the end to be released and call for help, or will you take your own life with the banana?

Genius. But there is one thing you haven't considered. I cheat! I take the banana and call for help. *Wanders off singing: Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ba...*

BTW, I'm new here. Really constructive for a first post, don't you think?

Jaythulhu:
How's this... a bunch of hollywood movie studio execs are put into a locked room, and they have to find and fund a movie that's not yet another sequel, remake or adaptation of any other film, comic, tv show or video game, or else they'll be covered with steak sauce and a nest of fire ants will be released into the room.

Oh man, they would all die. We know they can't do that. =o

Hello (name), I want to play a game. in front of you is a ceterfold of playboy if you look at it fo more than 15 seconds you will explode.

15 seconds later:KA-BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!

Onyx Oblivion:
You awaken in a dark, edgy looking room. A voice says, "Hello, dude. I'd like to play a game. You have played games for years, now you have to play a game of my choice. In order to escape, you must play through Superman 64 over 1000 times. Oh, and you have to play it on a 5 inch black and white TV."

you sick bastard. I honestly doubt anyone has actually ever beaten that game.

the_tralfalmadorian:

Onyx Oblivion:
You awaken in a dark, edgy looking room. A voice says, "Hello, dude. I'd like to play a game. You have played games for years, now you have to play a game of my choice. In order to escape, you must play through Superman 64 over 1000 times. Oh, and you have to play it on a 5 inch black and white TV."

you sick bastard. I honestly doubt anyone has actually ever beaten that game.

I'm not sick. I'm just completely insane.

Hello (insert name).

...
...
...

That's it, I just wanted to say hi. Door's to your left.

Hello Charlotte.

For too long you have rejected my applications for your love. Well now we'll see. As you can see, there is a ring in the middle of the room. You have 10 seconds to put your finger in it and accept my undying love. Otherwise, you will be subjected to torture. Being the most beautiful woman in Britain, you will be Snu-Snu'd by the most beautiful men. Then the large men. Then the petite men. Then the large men again.

unless you force a pebble into both ears and eat a paving slab a large granite replica of mt. rushmore falls upon you ( and youve got 10 seconds to do both)

Hello (name of rapist here) you have done some very very nasty things in your time, and now I would like you to play a game, just to see if you can stop being nasty for the ransom of your life.
In the room infront of you there are some women, you should recognise them, very well. They arn't wearing too much at the moment, just some gloves i made for them, metal ones with razor blades for fingers. Just to make it extra fun those razors are coated in rat poison.
Now they all know who you are, they know what you did to them and they want to punish you for it. they won't be able to see you however until the shutters over their eyes are opened. These shutters will only open when a temperature sensor on your body detects enough heat.
That sensor is attached to your penis, If you can resist staring at their bodies, reaching out and touching them until you are on the other side of that room then you will survive.

oh wait, one other thing, there is a sensor in the floor that will detect it if you run to fast, the shutters will open if you do, now go before i get bored and the shutters open anyway.

hello (blank)i want to play a game. you have had so many failed mirages. so many chances for love. yet you throw it away. in the next room you will find your finance on a rig over a spike pit fall to stop it you must hold onto that rope holding her up however the only way to svae her is to wait for the iorn maiden to lock you in place wich will then release her, can you hold on to one you love? game on

Tattaglia:

Ricky_the_Best:

Zombie_King:
You think about porn, it explo- BOOM!

Congrats I laughed my a-BOOM!

Aw c'mon guys, this is just being stu-BOOM!

a-BOOM!!!! (in heaven) I DIDNT EVEN SAY ANYTHING

Indigo_Dingo:
Hello John. I want to play a game. Over the years you've always been happy to steal. Well, know you must truly earn you life. When you press the button beneath your hand, your floor will become ignited, and - hey, wait, where are you going? Don't walk out the door! Fuck. I really need to stop working on the honour system.

Fucking brilliant.

"Hello, Danny. I want to play a game. You've always been to considerate of others, to a fault. As you know, its really interfered with your life. Now, let's see how caring you REALLY are. As you see, the person you love is tied up in front of you, and you have no hope of freeing the bonds. Unless, of course, you use the key. As you may also notice, there is an empty syringe on a table to your left. What you can't see is that both of you have been poisoned. Luckily, I have supplied you both with your own vaccine, and even a key. The vaccines have been sealed into your stomachs, as well as a key. Kill your loved one and vaccinate yourself, or kill yourself to vaccinate and free your loved one. You have 2 hours for the poison to kill you."

That'd kill me. </3

Hello Yahtzee I want to play a game. For months you have made people laugh by being overly callous and cruel to complete strangers. Mocking their hard work for not living up to your impossible standards. For what? The approval of an internet community? Well now Mr. Croshaw you will have to embrace one of the things you hate most to save the one thing you love. Yourself. On the table in front of you is a device you will find very familiar, it is an Xbox 360 controller. This controller is your one ticket to freedom. When this video stops playing the screen will be replaced with a series of commands that you must match with the controller. If you do not the incendiary device strapped to the bck of your chair will ignite, burning you alive, much in the way you have burned the countless game developers and programmers in your reviews. Now Mr. Croshaw. Press X to not die!

tijuanatim:
Now Mr. Croshaw. Press X to not die!

I fucking love you.

Some awesome ideas in this thread...

Hello, Insert Name Here. I would like to play a game.

Although you are in darkness, you will notice that you are in a standing position with your wrists encircled by something tight and heavy. These are manacles. The chains loop over large pulleys and connect to a ratcheted wheel, which can only turn one way. The wheels are slowly turning away from you. In about thirty minutes the chains will become taut enough that you will no longer be able to move your arms. Some time after that, they will tear off your hands or even remove your arms from their sockets, and you will bleed to death. I don't imagine it will be very fun, quick, or painless.

There is a key to the manacles. Approximately two feet in front of you is a person you don't know all that well, someone you recognise from around the place. You find her attractive. She's a nice person and you wouldn't wish to see any harm come to her. The key is beneath her ribcage. Feel that sharp pain on the opposite side from your heart? That's right, you have a key too. Its removal would soon prove lethal. She is awake and listening to this, but sadly - due to the efficiency of duct tape - she cannot speak to you at the moment. She is manacled in the same way as you are.

There are blades attached to the manacles. In a moment, a small amount of light will filter into the room.

I recommend you move fast; it won't be long before you can't even reach each other, never mind your opposite wrist...

Hello, insert name here. I would like to play a game.
You are surrounded by a grassy field because you take your legs for granted. You have spent your entire life walking on them without ever thanking them or giving them a massage. Surrounding you are hundreds of buried land mines; if you give your legs the respect they deserve you can walk away, if not you will lose them.

tijuanatim:
Hello Yahtzee I want to play a game. For months you have made people laugh by being overly callous and cruel to complete strangers. Mocking their hard work for not living up to your impossible standards. For what? The approval of an internet community? Well now Mr. Croshaw you will have to embrace one of the things you hate most to save the one thing you love. Yourself. On the table in front of you is a device you will find very familiar, it is an Xbox 360 controller. This controller is your one ticket to freedom. When this video stops playing the screen will be replaced with a series of commands that you must match with the controller. If you do not the incendiary device strapped to the bck of your chair will ignite, burning you alive, much in the way you have burned the countless game developers and programmers in your reviews. Now Mr. Croshaw. Press X to not
die!

FUCK YOU YATZEE IS GOD

*Imagine this whole paragraph in the voice of Jigsaw for full effect*

Greetings, Mr. Phillips. I would like to play a game. You may notice that you are not where you were when you fell asleep last night. Beneath you is a large, comfortable chair that massages your back if you press a button on this remote (remote lowers from ceiling). In front of you is a big screen TV with every episode of Scrubs Tivo'd. To your left is a grilled cheese sandwich and some tomato soup. Make sure to save room for desert, because I made brownies! In your pocket, you will find two keys. The first is used to exit this room at any time. The second opens a locked chest filled with candy. Also, here's a puppy (puppy lowers from ceiling).

You just won the Saw lottery!

Theres a lock pick in your penis...retrieve it and pick the lock...the twist is that the door isn't even locked and when you tear open your penis you find NO lockpick...Mwuhahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Wakes in a dark room. TV pops on."Hello Yahtzee. I've noticed you make games look bad in so many ways." Looks over sees an Atari. "But today I want you to test out this new game I made."

"What is it?"

"Its E.T. The extra terrestrial."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Three days later the SWAT team bust down the door. They discover a man with forks in his eye and a drill through his head. On the Television is a seemingly E.T. Character in a hole with his neck lowered.

Wow that's scary!

Hello Robert. Before you is your son Bobby. He is chained to a wall that will open up to a 10 feet by 10 feet oven. Don't look so sad you also have your daughter here she is behind you. SHE is chained up to the walls also but when time runs out she will drop below into the blades. There is a way to save them though. Lying in the Cranium of your daughter is a lock picking tool kit, I picked these tools because I know how you got those cars in your shop. So who is it your son or all THREE OF YOU!!!

Have fun. *screen goes off*

Trapped in a room with barred windows and door with mines await you if you open the door and you see a tv and a wii. And underneath the tv are some remote mines the jigsaw never mentioned. You're forced to play either Ninjabread Man or Wii Music and beat it or you die.

Hello Nicholas good day to you. You like to play games right. Well I got a few games for you. It's Pokemon. If you play through them all and can get all the available pokemon in every game I will release you from this room and you can go see your family. You have 2 DS's and 2 SP's for trading go ahead I prefer pokemon Ruby first.

Have fun

14 days later and 75 dorito bags later, DUDE HOW DID YOU DO THAT YOU GOT THEM ALL ON LEVEL 100 TOOO OMG THANK YOU NOW I CAN GO TO NINTENDO WIFI AND OWN EVERYONE!!!

Well Jigsaw in my finsihing of the game I also jacked your Router and called my friend and told him to buy every router in the area.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YOU SICK BASTARD WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT.

Im sry Jigsaw you just got played.

Good evening, both of you. I have brought you here because neither of you has anything resembling a sense of altruism. Everything you do is for your own benefit, and if you harm others by your actions, you simply don't care.
Now then, do you see that you are manacled side by side? I thought you would. But I think you first noticed the scar on your manacled arm. That's right, only one arm is manacled. But returning to the scar, you will see that it is rather poorly sticthed up. If you tear out the stiches, you will find a key. The key to the other person's cuffs. And before you get any ideas, I was careful to make sure that your bound arm was where the other person couldn't reach it. Wasn't that considerate of me?
Next, I think you see the thread, needles and alchohol on the other side of the room. I already sterilized the needles, the alchohol's to kill the pain so that you can work on each other. And you notice that each of your names is written by one of the needles? That's so that you don't pick up the wrong one. The needles are coated in a contact poison, but each of you has been given the antidote to the one on your needle. The threads are coated in antidote too (so that you don't kill each other by sewing up the wounds), but you can't work on yourself because that would bring the concentration of antidote in your bloodstream up to toxic levels. Oh, and you can't take the other needle and work on yourself either, because you'll absorb a bigger dose from touching the needle than the stuff on the thread can handle. And then, once you are no longer in danger of bleeding to death, you can walk through that door.
*begin tape 2 when they leave the room*
Now, do you see the two tightropes strung across that pit? I thought you would. The ropes, by the way, carry an electrical charge, not unlike that of a power line. If you only stand on one, you'll be safe, but on two...ker-zap. The solution, of couse, is to put on those rubber gloves at your feet, join hands, and walk across like that. Call it a trust exercise.
Oh, and there's another way to get across: If one of you hits the pressure plate at the bottom of the pit, a platform will rise up from the bottom. This platform, covered in soft foam (but it will only form once the plate is triggered), will gently raise you up to the top of the pit and to freedom. So, you can get out by tricking your "friend" into walking across with you, and then shoving him off and using the recoil to land on the platform.
Now that I've told you that, can you trust each other? Keep in mind that your partner is exactly like you; i.e, a sociopathic bastard.

Hello, Mr. Thompson, you have spent your entire life trying to get rid of video games. Now, you must play them. I have lined up ten video games that you have campaigned against or criticised or in some way been associated with muddying their good name on the side of the room, from left to right, they are: Postal, Resident Evil, Grand Theft Auto 3 and 4, Bully, Mortal Kombat: Armageddon, The Sims 2, Halo, Left Behind: Eternal Forces and Counter-Strike. There is a games console at the end of the room capable of playing them all. I will allow you out of this room after you have logged 50 hours of gameplay on each game. If you do not wish to play, there is a loaded pistol at the other end of the room. Decide soon, in 30 minutes, gas will flood the room. Additionally, if you take a break from gaming that lasts longer than 20 minutes, once again, gas will flood the room. Enjoy.

Wake up in a dim room bleeding, with minor injuries. tape enters tape recorder. "HELLO (name) I HAVE BEEN WATCHING YOU FOR SOME TIME NOW. I KNOW YOU LIKE TO WATCH BUT NOW IT IS TIME TO PARTICIPATE. YOU LIKE TO DARE PEOPLE TO DO DANGEROUS THINGS THAT YOU KNOW CAN AND WILL GET THEM SLAUGHTERED. YOU CALL THESE 'GAMES'. SOCIETY WOULD CALL THEM MURDERS. IT'S MY TURN TO MAKE A 'GAME'. HERE'S THE BASICS OF THIS GAME. YOU ARE TRAPPED IN A AIR-TIGHT, VACUUM-SEALED ROOM. SO IF YOU CAUSE YOUR HEART RATE TO RISE, EVEN THE SLIGHTEST INCREASE OF BPM, YOU WILL CATCH FLAME AND BURN TO DEATH. THE ROOM AS I'M SURE YOU HAVE NOTICED IS BEING SLOWLY FILLED WITH GASOLINE. THERE IS A VERY SMALL BUTTON AT THE TOP OF THE ROOM. IF YOU LOOK IN THE UPPER-RIGHT CORNER OF THE ROOM YOU WILL SEE A SMALL FLAME ABOUT 5 INCHES AWAY FROM THE CEILING IS A BASIC BURNER MECHANISM. IF THE GASOLINE REACHES THE FLAME BEFORE YOU DO THE BUTTON, WELL I'M PRETTY SURE YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS. SO WHILE THE GASOLINE GETS HIGHER I WOULD BEGIN TO THINK OF A PLAN. LET THE 'GAMES' BEGIN."

Wake up in a dim room bleeding, with minor injuries. tape enters tape recorder. "HELLO (name) I HAVE BEEN WATCHING YOU FOR SOME TIME NOW. I KNOW YOU LIKE TO WATCH BUT NOW IT IS TIME TO PARTICIPATE. YOU LIKE TO DARE PEOPLE TO DO DANGEROUS THINGS THAT YOU KNOW CAN AND WILL GET THEM SLAUGHTERED. YOU CALL THESE 'GAMES'. SOCIETY WOULD CALL THEM MURDERS. IT'S MY TURN TO MAKE A 'GAME'. HERE'S THE BASICS OF THIS GAME. YOU ARE TRAPPED IN A AIR-TIGHT, VACUUM-SEALED ROOM. SO IF YOU CAUSE YOUR HEART RATE TO RISE, EVEN THE SLIGHTEST INCREASE OF BPM, YOU WILL CATCH FLAME AND BURN TO DEATH. THE ROOM AS I'M SURE YOU HAVE NOTICED IS BEING SLOWLY FILLED WITH GASOLINE. THERE IS A VERY SMALL BUTTON AT THE TOP OF THE ROOM. IF YOU LOOK IN THE UPPER-RIGHT CORNER OF THE ROOM YOU WILL SEE A SMALL FLAME ABOUT 5 INCHES AWAY FROM THE CEILING IS A BASIC BURNER MECHANISM. IF THE GASOLINE REACHES THE FLAME BEFORE YOU DO THE BUTTON, WELL I'M PRETTY SURE YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS. SO WHILE THE GASOLINE GETS HIGHER I WOULD BEGIN TO THINK OF A PLAN. LET THE 'GAMES' BEGIN."

You wake up in a dim room bleeding, with minor injuries. tape enters tape recorder. "HELLO (name) I HAVE BEEN WATCHING YOU FOR SOME TIME NOW. I KNOW YOU LIKE TO WATCH BUT NOW IT IS TIME TO PARTICIPATE. YOU LIKE TO DARE PEOPLE TO DO DANGEROUS THINGS THAT YOU KNOW CAN AND WILL GET THEM SLAUGHTERED. YOU CALL THESE 'GAMES'. SOCIETY WOULD CALL THEM MURDERS. IT'S MY TURN TO MAKE A 'GAME'. HERE'S THE BASICS OF THIS GAME. YOU ARE TRAPPED IN A AIR-TIGHT, VACUUM-SEALED ROOM. SO IF YOU CAUSE YOUR HEART RATE TO RISE, EVEN THE SLIGHTEST INCREASE OF BPM, YOU WILL CATCH FLAME AND BURN TO DEATH. THE ROOM AS I'M SURE YOU HAVE NOTICED IS BEING SLOWLY FILLED WITH GASOLINE. THERE IS A VERY SMALL BUTTON AT THE TOP OF THE ROOM. IF YOU LOOK IN THE UPPER-RIGHT CORNER OF THE ROOM YOU WILL SEE A SMALL FLAME ABOUT 5 INCHES AWAY FROM THE CEILING IS A BASIC BURNER MECHANISM. IF THE GASOLINE REACHES THE FLAME BEFORE YOU DO THE BUTTON, WELL I'M PRETTY SURE YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS. SO WHILE THE GASOLINE GETS HIGHER I WOULD BEGIN TO THINK OF A PLAN. LET THE 'GAMES' BEGIN."

Easy.
You get 2 choices
Kill yourself
OR
Have sex with Justin Bieber... Bieber also has AIDS... and his vagina has teeth.

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