Khell_Sennet:

aswiftlytiltingreality:
i agree, but then I don't really see monogamy as being outdated. it's basically a choice. None of those people who get married have to but they do because they choose to. The problem is the people who think they need to be monogamist when they don't have to be.

The thing with monogamy, or pretty much anything else we tend to think of as the norm, is that belief in such ways are beat into you from day one. You grow up believing in monogamy because it is the belief of the majority. It is the belief of the majority because the majority are religious, and most religions preach monogamy. As with anything from a religion, it's out of date superstition and propaganda passed off as the word of a god.

God says to have one man and one woman in a relationship. We've already adapted to look past the hetero bias, gay couples are becoming more accepted every day. Next is the monogamy bias, and when it's gone, all the jealousy and possessiveness will go with it.

How many homes are broken up each year because of an affair? Could you imagine if sleeping with someone other than your wife/husband was considered as irrelevant as a handshake? How many divorces have happened because of a handshake, I know of none. No more throwing things at eachother, no more years of bottled up resentment, no more lies and deceptions. People can be more honest and less clingy, because love and sex are not the same.

This is a world I'd love to see before I die.

I don't exactly agree with you, but I see your point. I don't really think religion factors in as much as your saying it does. While it does play a role, we have to take into consideration the "values" that were instilled in individuals as they grew into adults. Not all racists are religious and neither are all homophobes. Monogamy is considered the norm because of tradition. Many people value tradition because it's safe and comfortable, not because religion dictates that they do so.

I myself don't think one should view sex as some irrelevant action. It's not. Sometimes it has serious consequences. It's not like you're out walking your dog.

I would like to see less of a stigma on people who are more promiscuous than others. It's their personal choice and I don't think they should be judged for it.

Personally, I'm not sure I'll ever get married just because the idea of marriage makes me feel trapped, but I like the idea of having someone, just one someone to be with. Not in the sense of owning them, but the sense of having someone there to be with. It's not because I believe monogamy is the right choice. It's just that that's what is right for me.

aswiftlytiltingreality:

Personally, I'm not sure I'll ever get married just because the idea of marriage makes me feel trapped, but I like the idea of having someone, just one someone to be with. Not in the sense of owning them, but the sense of having someone there to be with. It's not because I believe monogamy is the right choice. It's just that that's what is right for me.

See, your words there say you're already going to break from tradition. Find a wife and get married, that's been tradition since before we killed Jesus or built the pyramids. I'm not saying polygamy, the actual marriage to multiple people, is going to spread like SARS in Bejing, but instead a wide variety of new beliefs or lifestyles will spring up when people stop making false connections between sex and love, and when we all stop thinking alternate lifestyles are things to keep in the closet because they're not "normal".

As to the whole love-sex misconception, interesting you should use a dog analogy. Walking your dog is not as simple as it seems. Yes, you could go for a walk, things could be enjoyable or it could be a chore. Most of the time, fun or not, it's a harmless task. Most of the time... Lots can go bad. Your dog could bite someone, your dog could get into a fight with another animal and get hurt real bad, or you cold injure yourself on the walk. You could be hit by a car. You could die.

On the otherhand, you never know what else could happen, good things as opposed to the misfortune above. You could find money in the street, could stop a crime in progress, or even find another dog-walker and begin a new friendship. The walk is surely good for your health, and good for the health of your dog too. And some absurdly unlikely things can happen too, maybe going for that walk saved your life, as a violent armed intruder may break into your house while you're away, and had you been there he may have attacked you. Yes it's a long shot, but so was being hit by a car while on a walk.

Sex is very much the same as walking a dog. You can have a great time, or you could wind up miserable because of a bad go of it. It could connect you to a person deeply, or simply be sport and exercise with no commitment or attachment. Unpredictable things, good or bad, can result of it, but the same is true of anything in life. But sex is just sex, love is an entirely different thing.

Khell_Sennet:

aswiftlytiltingreality:

Personally, I'm not sure I'll ever get married just because the idea of marriage makes me feel trapped, but I like the idea of having someone, just one someone to be with. Not in the sense of owning them, but the sense of having someone there to be with. It's not because I believe monogamy is the right choice. It's just that that's what is right for me.

See, your words there say you're already going to break from tradition. Find a wife and get married, that's been tradition since before we killed Jesus or built the pyramids. I'm not saying polygamy, the actual marriage to multiple people, is going to spread like SARS in Bejing, but instead a wide variety of new beliefs or lifestyles will spring up when people stop making false connections between sex and love, and when we all stop thinking alternate lifestyles are things to keep in the closet because they're not "normal".

As to the whole love-sex misconception, interesting you should use a dog analogy. Walking your dog is not as simple as it seems. Yes, you could go for a walk, things could be enjoyable or it could be a chore. Most of the time, fun or not, it's a harmless task. Most of the time... Lots can go bad. Your dog could bite someone, your dog could get into a fight with another animal and get hurt real bad, or you cold injure yourself on the walk. You could be hit by a car. You could die.

On the otherhand, you never know what else could happen, good things as opposed to the misfortune above. You could find money in the street, could stop a crime in progress, or even find another dog-walker and begin a new friendship. The walk is surely good for your health, and good for the health of your dog too. And some absurdly unlikely things can happen too, maybe going for that walk saved your life, as a violent armed intruder may break into your house while you're away, and had you been there he may have attacked you. Yes it's a long shot, but so was being hit by a car while on a walk.

Sex is very much the same as walking a dog. You can have a great time, or you could wind up miserable because of a bad go of it. It could connect you to a person deeply, or simply be sport and exercise with no commitment or attachment. Unpredictable things, good or bad, can result of it, but the same is true of anything in life. But sex is just sex, love is an entirely different thing.

I think you may have misunderstood me. I don't think there's anything wrong with breaking tradition. Many of the traditions still in place today are archaic and need to be done away with. I was trying to make that clear by saying I don't think I'm ever going to get married.

As for the whole dog thing, I've never had any of the things you've listed happen while walking my dog. People make false connections between love and sex because sex is an emotional act. It involves lust and attraction and sometimes those can feel like love. Sex, to me, isn't like walking the dog because...well you can't suck at walking a dog, but you can suck at sex (pun not intended).

Saskwach:
Men cheat because monogamy is a waste of their seed-spreading capability. Women cheat because though they've often settled down with Reliable Care-taker Male, their offspring could benefit from Alpha Male genes. Thus their children get the love and support of the better parent, and the genes of the better specimen.
Evolution baby (and gross generalisations).

I believe that I have somewhat fleshed out an original(or what seems like it could be) social structure, albeit it is only a theory and I am not an expert, but I think originally the system worked; the male human, as most male mammals, tends to want to spread his genes as far as he can, while the woman likes to be with the most alpha male she can find, usually, so she attempts to keep his attention focused on her(fighting off other females) so her children inherit his genes, and she also gains a provider to help raise her offspring, helping to ensure their survival and subsequent reproduction. It seems perfectly logical to me, and even in a harem situation, one woman is usually dominant over the rest, others may get attention from the male, but she ensures that she gets more face time, so to speak. men cheat because they are seeking either more mates or a better mate. women probably cheat for the same reason. this may all seem to belittle humanity, but when it comes right down to it, we are animals. I also wonder occaisionally if their exists a mutation in the mate seeking genes, while some people may seek as many mates as possible others seem to exhibit a monogamous preference, they seek one mate that is ideal, or maybe this isn't really the case, but who knows? I just like to think about shit and postulate new ideas.

Khell_Sennet:

aswiftlytiltingreality:
i agree, but then I don't really see monogamy as being outdated. it's basically a choice. None of those people who get married have to but they do because they choose to. The problem is the people who think they need to be monogamist when they don't have to be.

The thing with monogamy, or pretty much anything else we tend to think of as the norm, is that belief in such ways are beat into you from day one. You grow up believing in monogamy because it is the belief of the majority. It is the belief of the majority because the majority are religious, and most religions preach monogamy. As with anything from a religion, it's out of date superstition and propaganda passed off as the word of a god.

God says to have one man and one woman in a relationship. We've already adapted to look past the hetero bias, gay couples are becoming more accepted every day. Next is the monogamy bias, and when it's gone, all the jealousy and possessiveness will go with it.

How many homes are broken up each year because of an affair? Could you imagine if sleeping with someone other than your wife/husband was considered as irrelevant as a handshake? How many divorces have happened because of a handshake, I know of none. No more throwing things at eachother, no more years of bottled up resentment, no more lies and deceptions. People can be more honest and less clingy, because love and sex are not the same.

This is a world I'd love to see before I die.

I'm sorry but it is vey naive to think jealousy and posessiveness will dissapear if monogamy does, these are hard wired emotions with a specific goal in mind, people feel jealous because they want to pass their genes with a person because they believe that this person will be a good parent for their offspring, it is also a question of competition for the person's offspring, you see, all life's purpose is to pass its genes to a new generation, which in a way acheives immortality. The less competition your offspring has the more chance it has of passing its own genes, and subsequently your's. possessiveness and jealousy are not fleeting emotions caused by a perceived notion of monogamy, they are survival tools, just like other emotions.
also call me wrong and evil but I believe it is possible that homosexual people have their brains hard wired incorrectly, I believe when a homosexual person(scientific term not put down) sees a member of the same sex they brain lights up(metaphor) like it would if they were the opposite sex lookning at the other person example; gay man sees an other attractive man; his brain activity lights up in a similar fashion to a woman's brain seeing an attractive man, this may not be true and i do not know whether or not this has been tested, it is merely something I have pondered. Sex also, in the way it releases endorphines, may be like a drug, and some poeple may simply not care who they are stimulated by as long as endorphine release is acheived. but I do not claim these last two arguments to be true, they are merely theories. so don't get pissed at me.