Smiles:
just how desperate are you? and what area of canada do you live in? and how tall are you?

oh my god! this is brilliant!

hmm, i wonder if we could make a desperate and dateless thread here?

jim_doki:

Smiles:
just how desperate are you? and what area of canada do you live in? and how tall are you?

oh my god! this is brilliant!

hmm, i wonder if we could make a desperate and dateless thread here?

Dear Escapist. I'm tall, dark and handsome. Waiting for someone like you (points at you. Yes! You!)

PurpleRain:

jim_doki:

Smiles:
just how desperate are you? and what area of canada do you live in? and how tall are you?

oh my god! this is brilliant!

hmm, i wonder if we could make a desperate and dateless thread here?

Dear Escapist. I'm tall, dark and handsome. Waiting for someone like you (points at you. Yes! You!)

:O Me?

The trouble with asking people for advice over the internet is that you have no idea if the advice you're getting is any good. Especially if it involves meeting women. No man wants to admit that they have no idea how to meet a girl and start a real, lasting relationship (besides you, of course :P). Especially not on the internet under an assumed name. You're going to hear a lot of locker room bravado. Most of what you hear won't work, or will only work on the short term.

I want to help you, but I don't really know the answer myself. I'm currently in a relationship - 3 and a half years and counting, and it's not like I did anything to find my girlfriend. It happened through circumstance. She started off as a childhood friend, we think we might have been in the same kindergarten class - we were close friends at the end of middle school and we started dating in highschool- we're now both in first year University and we're doing our best to make our now long distance relationship work.

I have three pieces of advice for you:
1) Find a girl that, if you're not already close to, you like. You're not doing her, or yourself, any favors if you don't get along and you try to force things to work.
2) These things take time. Don't expect to meet a girl at a club, have a Hollywood meet cute moment, sweep her off of her feet, elope to Singapore, and live happily ever after. See Romeo and Juliet - "Wisely and slow; they stumble that run fast"
3) Don't listen to bad advice on the internet. If you have to change yourself drastically to meet a girl - would you really want to spend time with the kind of girl you'd attract?

I should write for after school specials. I almost feel dirty for having to type "be yourself."

Thats it! let the matchmaking begin!

I have no advice but just thought this couldn't hurt: Good Luck!

jim_doki:
Thats it! let the matchmaking begin!

So Graustein and myself have been going out for around two minutes today, but I really feel the connection here. I don't know, I just I'm a sucker for a smooth talker.

Wow, this derailed really quickly. Sorry for ruining your thread Khell. (Looks back to Graustein) Now where were we you big man you!

Speed dating is the answer, it's all about playing by percentages.

PurpleRain:

jim_doki:
Thats it! let the matchmaking begin!

So Graustein and myself have been going out for around two minutes today, but I really feel the connection here. I don't know, I just I'm a sucker for a smooth talker.

Wow, this derailed really quickly. Sorry for ruining your thread Khell. (Looks back to Graustein) Now where were we you big man you!

Haha, you'll have to take a number to get with Graustein. He's got ladies throwing themselves at him! He's just daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaymn sexy :D

How was that for a response, Josh?

Syntax Error:

Khell_Sennet:
As another birthday approaches, I'm beginning to feel like my life is incomplete. In six days I will be twenty-seven years old, twenty seven years of being single. Before now, that never bothered me much. I never actually went looking for a girlfriend, a couple times in my life there have been girls I was interested in, but said ladies were either married or already had boyfriends, and it's not my thing to steal another man's woman, no matter how I feel about her.

But as my 27th birthday grows closer, I feel it's finally time to stop passively hoping for romance, and actively seek it. But how? I've never been on a date, I don't know where to start looking, and so I'm at a loss as to where to begin.

While I also do appreciate advice from the guys, especially those who have had luck finding themselves a mate, I mainly put this question out there for the ladies of the Escapist... What should I do, where should I look, and how should I go about finding myself a suitable girlfriend?

I feel your pain dude. I shall be keeping an eye to this thread.

EDIT: I'm not turning 27 for another six years, though.

24 now, and from what I can tell, we're in the same boat.

Radelaide:

PurpleRain:

jim_doki:
Thats it! let the matchmaking begin!

So Graustein and myself have been going out for around two minutes today, but I really feel the connection here. I don't know, I just I'm a sucker for a smooth talker.

Wow, this derailed really quickly. Sorry for ruining your thread Khell. (Looks back to Graustein) Now where were we you big man you!

Haha, you'll have to take a number to get with Graustein. He's got ladies throwing themselves at him! He's just daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaymn sexy :D

How was that for a response, Josh?

... I am at a loss for words.

For both of you. So I'd like to introduce the two of you.

Purple, this is Radelaide. Raji, PurpleRain. Have fun!

You sound like a competent, generous guy. As long as you're not an asshole in any way, shape, or form, you have a chance. You don't sound like the kind of guy that would get out of the house JUST to seek a relationship, so what I would do is keep doing whatever you're doing. Going out to bars and wild parties and such is simply not you. If you pretend to be someone else when picking up a girl, you'll have serious problems with that relationship later on. No joke...everyone hates posers.
I have friends that are overweight and are a bit socially awkward, but they all have stable relationships now. The funny thing is that they never planned it. They never even thought about getting girlfriends.
So don't rush it. Make friends and be kind with everyone. One day, in your large circle of friends, there will be a certain girl. Your relationship with that girl might grow closer. 27 years old is nothing, man. You're not considered an old guy yet.

28 here and in the same situation, with a few minor exceptions. I have had 2 girlfriends. 1 for a year, and while we got on well we just were too different in the end.
The other for a little over 3 years (never made love, but did sleep together numerous times), unfortunately we grew apart over time, I still miss her. She was many kinds of awesome.

Aswell as any number of "best friend" situations because I'm a gentle and kind guy. (this sucks somewhat, since you get to talk to such wonderful women, but they're not interested in you as a lover, only as a person to talk too)
I should mention that both of these girls were classmates of mine in high-school and university respectively, we simply hung out a lot and kind of found eachother that way.

Recently met a girl I feel interested in, on a train back from work. After we chatted several times in the morning train to work.(turns out she lives in the same town as me) I discover she's a student at the high school I work at. (she's 19) Thankfully, I'm support staff and not a teacher.
Haven't been able to ask her out yet, it is kind of hard to get to that kind of topic.
I do intend to ask her out to lunch or a drink at some point, hoping for a positive response.
Also, not 100% sure if she's interested in me, we chat amiably enough, but whether that means anything is anybody's guess.

Confidence is something I apparently fake quite well, even when I feel terrified inside. Perhaps a result from being teased and bullied for years in primary and middle school. I shield my emotions very well, this doesn't help relations much as I often seem aloof, but the response is completely automatic by now. It was a kind of "survival mechanism" afteral.

As for your "great listener" talent, use it. Girls don't mind talking to a person like you, and if you can get their attention at that point they may even stick around for other, more interesting, things.
Just be yourself, even if that means being a bit shy, be witty, subtly show them you care, be someone they like hanging out with. All of this can boost your confidence with other women should it not work out with that particular one.
I'm quite shy and very introvert myself, and while I find starting a conversation with a woman/girl quite difficult once I do manage to work up the courage to do so, it gets easier quickly.

oops, sorry for the wall of text-crits. :)

i dont mean to be offensive or anything but this sort of reminds me of the 40 year old virgin were no one is over 30 and most of you aren't virgins as far as i read but i barely pay attention

i can only give a few tips that might come in handy.
1. let them do most of the talking
2. dont make the first conversation to long coz you want to want to talk more dont give it all away at once
3.if you see some chick just walk up to her and say you couldn't help but notice her
4. ask for a email if you barely know each other otherwise she can feel threatened.
5.be dressed neatly cant say why but it helps.
6. if you see a girl you like as her out otherwise she will walk out of your life forever litraly
7.if a chicks makes the first move you can always act snobby then funny gives greater how do i say this effect

but last i gotta say lose some weight when i was 11 i weight 93 kg then i went for a run every morning just around the block, i started to feel better and look better and now i feel a lot better about yourself.
P.S. it took me about 1 week to lose 10 kilos

I sympathise a lot. I recently dropped a whole bunch of weight bringing me into the overweight (instead of obese!) category and I'm loving it. I've used some internet dating to get me going and its actually fun.

And listen to this guy, he knows what he's talking about:

Raven28256:

Also, confidence is the key. I'm overweight too, but I have a hot girlfriend and I'm close friends with other cute girls because I'm confident. I don't let my appearance worry me and let my personality take over. Just make yourself be calm. The key is to make yourself radiate confidence, and let your personality override any flaws in your physical appearance. At the same time, don't be a cocky, arrogant little prick. There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance; learn it. Just make yourself seem like a calm, confident guy. Don't act nervous, don't create an aura around you that says "I'm scared to talk to girls." If the girl instantly denies you because of your looks then she is a bitch that isn't worth your time in the first place anyway.

But, then again, hitting the gym a bit and dropping a few pounds, and otherwise taking a bit more time to make yourself visually attractive/appealing certainly will help improve the odds. But again, a woman only concerned about appearance isn't worth it anyway.

I realise what I'm about to say has probably been covered in various places above, but the thread sparked my interest and I thought I'd chip in my two cents worth, from a female perspective!
So, to be uncharacteristically organised, let me address your dilemmas one by one...

1)The whole age/virginity thing: This is something I think no-one should ever worry about, even if society, testosterone and a distressing combionation of an overactive libido and good old fashioned chivalry are getting them down. I realise that there is a very real pressure, perhaps especially for guys, to get their leg over as soon as/as often as possible, but *really* it doesn't matter. I know I risk sounding like a year 11 lifeskills class with this, but even they got it right at least 2% of the time...
I think the less you think of it in terms of age the better.

2)Not knowing where to begin looking for romance, but wanting to actively seek it: Congraulations! You've taken the first step - having a positive desire to get out there and dive into the whole dating thing is a great asset to have - even if you feel at times that you're lost and that everything is against you. Just have faith (and a bucketload of patience - it takes everyone a while to get settled!).

3)Being a gamer/geek/not that attractive/a bit overweight: Where to begin? Most importantly, keep in mind that it's all relative, right? Yes, gamer geeks are a huge stereotype, like emos or blondes. Yes, being overweight is, in today's media-centric society, considered the 8th deadly sin. Yes, being 'attractive' is a huge asset in the dating arena. *HOWEVER* Define attractive. Most of us have hang-ups about our appearance seeping from every pore. So you don't think you're that attractive - show me a girl who really, really likes her thighs. Remember that if you think you're unattractive, it'll show and other people will think you're unattractive too. For example, how many guys are there out there who are tall, but who are self conscious about the fact and stoop? I don't care if you're fat or thin, a tall guy who actually walks tall, shoulders squared, is a sight to make any girl's gaze linger! As I believe has been stated many times above, be confident, but don't be arrogant. It's really that simple. As for being overweight, well, that's a different issue. I think it's more important to consider how *fit* you are. There is absolutely no requirement for a guy to have musculature like Baryshnikov to be attractive. He just needs to take care of his health and show respect for his own body. Some people are just built along stockier, fleshier lines than others. I wholeheartedly agree that anyone who discounts your worth based solely on your weight is not worth wasting time on (and that goes for both sexes!).

4)Not knowing where/how to meet girls/talk to them/ease around to the actual asking out part:
This merges nicely with my previous comments about fitness actually, because an excellent way to meet girls, get close to them, talk to them in a nonthreatening environment *and* get fit all in one go is to go DANCING! And I do *not* mean clubbing. That is not dancing, it is jiggling in a sweaty mass of flesh to music so loud you can't even think, let alone talk. I mean get out there and learn to tango (soooooooooo sexy!) or walz (sooooooo suave!) or do salsa, or ceroc or flamenco or whatever! I know that the idea of dancing gives some people the dry mouth of terror, complete with flashbacks to primary school line dances and sweaty palms, but seriously, guys who can dance are HOT. Find a beginners' class, where everyone is in the same boat (and if there are a few advanced people there just to show off, ignore their arrogance and steal their moves!) and put yourself out there (remember to talk to people!). There will be girls. Everyone will have two left feet. Hilarity will ensue. Frienships will be forged. Even if you don't immediately find the love of your life, you will have improved your fitness, gained an invaluable skill, interacted more socially and intimately with girls and made even more friends. What's not to like?
(obviously there are other opportunities like university, bookshops, cafes etc, but those are covered above).

5)Having a vocabulary: This is not an obstacle. Guys with vocabularies/literary knowledge are great. You're reading a guide authored by someone rolling inexorably toward a couple of PhDs, so I can sympathise with people not understanding the way you express yourself/what you do for a living/what you study. The important thing to remember is that everyone has thir own comfort level, and tolerance level. As people have said above, an enormous vocabulary is fine, provided you don't slap people in the face with it and make them feel small. I personally think of it like this: I prefer someone who can hold up their end of a good debate, but who will respect my views and not bore me stupid by vocalising their much-cherished and oft-repeated pretentious internal monologue on topic X. In turn, I must hold up my end by making sure I'm not doing exactly the same thing. I'm not saying you have to change who you *are*, I just suggest that tailoring your manner of talking to fit your audience is a skill, not a comedown. General rule: unless she's reading a book on Freud, don't strike up a conversation starting with the id as a topic...
It's also important to remember that, for example (in my case), while the person I'm talking to may start popping Panadol if I try and explain my thesis topic, if they started talking about their skills as a mechanic I would be totally lost. Everyone has their own jargon!

6)Appearance and, er, smell: This is a big one. We humans lean SO HEAVILY on first impressions it's not funny. You have to take this as a given, and act accordingly. Style-wise, too much camo (for example) is actually a bad thing. If you want to keep your options open, and have as wide a dating field as possible, you have to restrict the military attire unless you are actually in the army. Consider keeping the camo pants, and opting for a more neutral shirt. Consider branching away from camo entirely and experimenting with your style! It is SO important to remember that this is not about changing who you are. Your clothes do not define you, no matter how hard the punks and emos try. You will be the same person whether you wear combat boots or jandals, so when you find a nice girl she will be interested in YOU and not the pieces of fabric keeping you decent. I might feel like wearing boho clothes one day and office-wear the next - none of my boyfriends have ever cared! Your challenge is that girls notice clothes. A lot. A whole lot. It is your task to beat them at their own game! Include aspects of your familiar style to keep you comfortable, but mix it up a bit. There are only three golden rules:
1)You clothes must be CLEAN. Dirty clothes scream 'never leaves the house and can't take care of himself without his mum'. Not to mention the smell.
2)You clothes must FIT. And i mean FIT. Who cares if you need an XL? Cut out the label if it bothers you that much. Also remember that clothes which are too baggy tell people that you are hiding from something. Just buy the right size. Take a girl-who-is-a-friend shopping and get her to kit you out. It's what we do!

3)You appearance must MATCH your clothes. Since your clothes are clean and well-fitting, your hair should be too. Either grow a beard or SHAVE. Stubble only works on italians. It can just make you look like a homeless person otherwise. Get a nice sharp haircut that doesn't require 50kg of gel to hold it up. If my boyfriend's hair is full of product, i'm not going to want to run my fingers through it, am I? If you have long hair, KEEP IT CLEAN. That's going to mean washing it every day. If you have a dandruff issue, find a shampoo to fix it.
As for the cologne thing, it kind of fits into the clean thing. Guys who smell nice are a little slice of heaven. And whoever posted that thing about smell and memory is totally right! Listen to them! I suggest having three things: a good unscented antiperspirant to keep sweating at bay, a spray or light cologne of some sort for daily use (please try to avoid Lynx - we girls choked on enough of that at high school!) and a nice, perhaps more expensive cologne for evening/special occasions. TEST cologne first on your arm and wait for a minute to see how it blends with your skin. Also, buy the best you can afford for the evening one. Perfume and cologne are like wine in that respect.
And don't forget to keep your shoes tidy! =D

In short: dress nice, shoulders back, deep breath and SMILE!

Well, I think that's all from me - sorry to post such a massive ramble - once I got started it sort of snowballed...I just hope some of this is useful to people. And in the end, it's only my opinion, I guess =P

A girl called justnotcricket

I'm 19 so i'm not even going to pretend i'm in the same club as i can't read the future, but i get the feeling i'm on a similar path.
For now, fallout 3 and a guitar is all i need..... who here thinks knowing how to play the guitar bodes well for future relationships?

Meeting women is one thing, but handling the state of your being at the time of this post is another subject altogether. I'll tackle that one.
(This strategy worked for me)
When you feel depressed the best thing to do is an act of self-improvement.
Work-out, read prose/poetry, write prose/poetry, learn a new song on guitar, etcetera.
Not only would these, and other, things help you out it would also bring you out of a depression.

As for Love, I always felt that Douglas Adams' take on flying was the perfect metaphor for finding love. Read his book "So Long and Thanks For All The Fish," it's hilarious.
In order to fly you have to trip and then forget that you're falling, the knack to flying is to not remember what's going on.

I would also recommend a book titled "The Art of Loving" by Erich Fromm, it is an eye opening book. Written in the 1940's, its been through 53 editions I believe. It's pretty short.

P.S.
Listen to justnotcricket, sounds like she's got her head on right

pDsOrion:

MONTGOMERYWOODRUFF69:
Try just getting out and being yourself, as for the overweight thing don't sweat it, nobody is perfect and people who judge based on appearance aren't worth knowing anyway.

I've seen the most smokin girls with fat dudes. I dont know what is it about a Husky dude, but you guys apparently work it. Skinny guys like myself are a dime a dozen

I basically agree. Overweight isn't a massive deal.

Put another way, my BMI used to be 31.9. 16st10 (235 pounds) at Christmas last year. I have worked all year and am now tipping the scales at 14st6. I set an original modest target of hitting 14st10 and keeping it off, by Christmas. Put on much more muscle as well. BMI is now 27.4, but i think i'd waif away into nothingness if i dropped to the suggested weight for me, top end of 'normal' being 13st.

The point of the above. I've barely noticed any difference, sure i have a little bit of chin left, and bit of belly left, but the majority is gone. In fact, apart from i'm feeling better about myself and the night i was dressed as a zombie, where i walked into the pub and at least 2/3 of the pub turned to look at me, nothing really has changed.

So don't get to worried about how you look, unless you look like you've been spaded in the face like myself.

Coincidentally, i'm in a similar boat. Except i've been trying alot more making almost no progress at the end of the day.

I've pretty much resigned myself to not getting married.

But least i can waste lots of money on rubbish i guess :(

hungoverbear:

bars and clubs are only good for looking for one night stands, not long term relationships. plus most girls there are extremely shallow and just want some punk with a fat wallet to buy them their drinks. so never EVER expect anything out of the bar except a crushed spirit.

Lies I tell you. Many people have relationships with people they originally meet in bars. I met my guy in a bar, 5 years ago, so there.
Anyway. To be honest, the best way to meet people is to go out with a few friends, going it alone makes people seem a bit odd/antisocial. When you get used to it, then it will be easier to talk to the ladies.

hypothetical fact:
Speed dating is the answer, it's all about playing by percentages.

I was gonna suggest this, but someone beat me to the punch... Maybe knowing about basic psychology helps?

Seeing as there are a lot of people like Khell, I suggest we start a group, with Khell as the Overlord. See? That's the biggest barrier that prevents me from getting some.

does gloves with +10 personality enchant work?

this guy is trying to sell me some gear that should help me with the ladies

Khell_Sennet:
I can honestly admit I'm not the most attractive guy on the market, I am overweight and fully realize it's a problem, but I am a great listener and an intellectual person.

Throughout the years if there's one thing I've come to realize about woman, is that the majority don't have such hard standards of "beauty" for men as most men do for women (ironic, I'm aware, but truth nonetheless). Women don't mind a bit of a belly, and some even like it. There's 3 things that are very important to women, more so than looking like some Renaissance period sculpture:

- Being clean. - I know this is a given to most people, but some guys are just obnoxious... You don't need to use cologne (although used properly doesn't hurt) or thousand dollar suits, but wear clean clothes, without stains or holes, or looking like someone just vomited them... I know ironing sucks, but it goes a long way into making a shirt presentable. A shave and hair style don't hurt either.

- Having manners. - Just knowing when to use "please", "thank you", being able to recognize a mistake, knowing when to shut up and how to be polite... Simple things a lot of people seem to disregard.

- Having confidence. - I know this is the hardest part specially if you're on a cold streak. I had the same issue here. But, hell, I've studied this in psychology. The more confidence you show, the more drawn to you people are. A socially competent and dominant person is a real magnet. It's reassuring to be around a person that feels "in control". Just don't cross the line into the realm of "asshole", when you act like you know everything. Just live out those 2 eternal words: "Be cool".

Other than that it's about luck, go out, anywhere you like, and more often than you'd think you'll get a chance to just, chat a bit with some women... You don't have to try and date all of them, but if you think it might work, give it a go.

There really isn't a lot more to it than following a few simple rules and trial and error.

I would say more than anything it's a confidence issue. Start doing something other than play videogames or stay at home, take up a hobby, go for a walk etc, get outside and do something.
If you're not happy with your body then sorry to say but change it, nothing is stopping you(maybe apart from the initial get up and go)but once you start working out and you see your arms begin to get big then you'll begin to love your body. Not saying you can't love yourself as you are already are but your chances are significantly increased if you "improve" yourself, you become more confident, you'll walk taller, people will notice a change in you, especially the ladies;).

I agree with Caliostros' words too, you get so much attention from girls when you walk with an air of confidence down the street, the amount of girls I get looking at me everyday is a big boost to my confidence and it helps that I do Parkour too,(something I picked up after my ex broke up with me, helped get my confidence back)there's loads of things you can do outside that will help you build your confidence, get you in shape and just make you happy overall doing them. I used to be a gamer "nerd" too but I barely play games nowadays, I'm out so much and doing uni work that I barely get any time to play them lol.

When you get confidence then everything else will fall into place I assure you.

Everyone has trouble finding someone they can be with, happily. The people who don't are the exceptions, not the rule. And it's OK to be frustrated by that. I've been single for almost 2 years at this point. I share an office with someone who's been happily married for several years. Her happiness can sometimes be daunting, when faced with my own singletude. But don't let it get you down. You're looking now, and that's the first step.

Many people here are right, in saying that you need confidence. You can 'fake it til you make it.' - which some people advocate. Or you can take real steps to boost it. Work out, go on a diet. Do whatever it takes to feel better about yourself. Take control of your life. You love gaming, we all do. But if you ever feel guilty about it, or think it's the cause of some of your unhappiness, then it's time for a break. Anything in your life that's bringing you down, it's time to re-evaluate.

Try new things, and new hobbies. Join a meetup (www.meetup.com). Get out there and meet new people, make new friends. It's amazing how liberating it is being in a group of strangers. No one is aware of who you are. You are free to redefine yourself as you want to be, not as you have been. All this can really boost your confidence. And I don't think confidence should be just interpreted as the word, and it's meaning, but it's more of a general sense of self-respect. If you like and respect yourself, then others will too.

I'd also try Craigslist for dates too. I know it sounds weird, but CL is bereft of all the junk and jargon on the other dating websites. You start immediately with a conversation. You can post every couple of weeks, displaying different aspects of who you are. We're all dynamic people with changing feelings and personalities. It's a lot of work keeping that up to date on the static dating sites.

Don't worry buddy, you'll find someone. You all will, ye who are lonely on here. I know I will too. You just have to accept the loneliness as part of the journey. Use it to understand yourself better - so the next time someone comes around who you fit with, you are aware and capable enough to make a solid try for something good.

Good luck man. Seriously.

Khell_Sennet:
Could someone please give Love a TomTom GPS for XMas?

You are a genius.

I don't get this whole attraction malarkey, myself. No idea how it works whatsoever. Like many of us, I've had no luck whatsoever with purposefully getting anyone remotely interested in me.

I'm 19, lonely like several of us here. I've had one girlfriend, recently - but despite what both of us had expected, she decided she couldn't take the separation of me being at university, and cut it off after just a month and a half together. It happened by little more than chaos theory - she was a friend of my sister's who I didn't know all that well; she added me on MSN and happened to be going through a tough time. I helped her with it as best I could, and it kind of developed from there. I didn't even speak to her properly face-to-face until our first (pseudo-)date.

Before that, was the usual string of rejections (five, to be precise, in about two years). Long story short, I've no idea how to actually go out there and impress members of the fairer sex enough that they'll decide to like me.

I'm not even sure why nobody appears to take any interest. If confidence really is the key ingredient, I'd be drowning in attraction. I have craptons of it. For example, I don't drink but I'll go out to clubs/whatever and dance with incredible abandon anyway. This also appears to impress people (most likely because they're drunk to some degree and I'm moving very quickly...). I'm not hideously ugly (I think!) and I'm nice, intelligent, fairly witty etc. According to female friends I even have nice hair. Okay so I have a list of ego-expostulations, what fun, and half of you probably think I'm a dick by now. None of these traits seem to do anything for me though :/

I do worry sometimes that I don't have many female-compatible interests, or hell, other-people-compatible interests. Despite having plenty of friends, I often find myself lost for topics in prolonged conversations with some people, particularly on MSN. I enjoy and design games (of the processor-eating and tabletop varieties), play the drums, love creative novels, movies and satire, and have fairly wide-ranging musical preferences that yet never seem to correlate very well with most other people's. And a few other things, because everyone likes a few other things. But yeah. Should I ever run into a witty, alluring drummer goddess who can quote Terry Pratchett all day and plays Warhammer 40,000 and first person shooters then I'm sold (*daydreams idly*), but other than that my interests don't seem to get me very far when it comes to long conversations. Anyone know anything I might want to pick up that'd make a good conversation topic (for both romantic and friendly purposes)?

Several people have suggested learning to dance properly. I'd go with that as a good idea. I'm tempted to do it myself. My high speed club dancing is amusing I guess, and a good workout, but I can't see it getting me anywhere as far as romance is concerned. It'll improve your fitness somewhat, and improve your grace (dunno if that counts for anything - an opinion, ladies? - but it's useful or enjoyable to inject a little style into your movements from time to time).

Like I said, I don't have much experience on the single->relationship transition, so I can't come up with a lot of concrete advice, but don't give up hope on some random miracle happening. Don't bank on it, but don't disallow yourself from daydreaming every now and then. Try and be as relaxed about it as possible. Loneliness can suck off a sniper rifle in my opinion*, but try not to let it get you down - partly because dwelling on it will lower your self-esteem and enjoyment of life, and partly because women seem to have an ability to detect desperation from 300 miles away and react negatively to it.

Drop me a PM if you want to chat about anything (related or unrelated to your love life). Chin up, soldier :)

*Someone give it the gauss rifle from Crysis: Warhead. That makes a mess.

PurpleRain:

jim_doki:
Thats it! let the matchmaking begin!

So Graustein and myself have been going out for around two minutes today, but I really feel the connection here. I don't know, I just I'm a sucker for a smooth talker.

Wow, this derailed really quickly. Sorry for ruining your thread Khell. (Looks back to Graustein) Now where were we you big man you!

I didn't know you two swung that way. ;P

I swear, I could marry everyone here. xD

A solution for Khell? Look for somone who shares your interests, hell the internet would be a good way.

But you shouldn't listen to me, I'm only 15 and I've never dated before in my life...

SecretTacoNinja:

A solution for Khell? Look for somone who shares your interests, hell the internet would be a good way.
But you shouldn't listen to me, I'm only 15 and I've never dated before in my life...

It's so simple, it just might work. Actually if you're concerned about your appearance it might be a good way to go about it. That way you remove the visual first impressions issue.
As for marrying everyone, here, you're not old enough young lady. :P

Here is an internet dating site you might consider.

http://www.meet-an-inmate.com/

You know, find an aggressive girl who will make the first move, get past your shyness.

You need two things:
Hygiene and confidence.

Two crazy important things.
I'm not saying you're smelly, and I'm not saying you're as self conscious as naked mole rat amongst normal rats, but what I am saying is that both of those are important.

The rest is common sense: Talk about her, be yourself (Unless yourself is talking about yourself...then stop it), and don't try to find the girl who games and everything you do. My wife and I do NOT have the same taste in music (at all), she doesn't like games very much at all (I've got her to play a few), and we both like to drive the car...but we only have one. So just find a girl who makes you happy, and return the favor.

The question shouldn't be - "Where do I find the girl of my dreams?"

The question should be - "Who do I want to be for the girl of my dreams?"

This naturally follows with - "How much time am I spending growing into that person?"

The more time you spend growing into that person, the more confidence you will have in yourself. The reason you aren't confident in yourself is because you're feeling you aren't going in the right direction.

It is a good thing you have enough self reflection to recognize that fact, ask, and start doing things about it. But instead of going out to find someone, why not spend some time and ask yourself "Who is it you want to be for that special someone?" Not as something that is faked and untrue, but as something that is truly a part of yourself.

For as good as video games are, they take up too much time where that same time could be used for growing - musically, artistically, physically, mentally, or spiritually.

I'd say practice on girls you aren't really interested in. You're not going to meet "the love of your life" or anything anyway. You might as well go to a ren fair or something and hook up with some other nerdy, desperate people.

I mean that in the nicest way possible.

Every girl I've ever "seriously" dated I've met through circumstance. Hell, my first date ever was an accident, really. I was supposed to go to the movies with a bunch of friends and no one showed up except for this one girl I barely knew. We ended up dating for years, even after highschool. The girl I'm dating now I met in a Korean restaurant with a huge group of people. I didn't even pay attention to her the first time I met her, but now we've been dating for over a year.

I dunno, man. You're not gonna find love easily and even if you do...well, nevermind. Just go to a damn comic con or ren fair and pick up on nerdy girls. Date around some and practice, basically. Think of it like that, actually. It doesn't even matter. Maybe you'll actually meet someone you like.

Najos:
I dunno, man. You're not gonna find love easily and even if you do...well, nevermind. Just go to a damn comic con or ren fair and pick up on nerdy girls. Date around some and practice, basically. Think of it like that, actually. It doesn't even matter. Maybe you'll actually meet someone you like.

I don't think practice really builds confidence, especially if you're suggesting you go for the "bottom of the barrel." The best way to shoot your confidence is not only having a string of desperate dates, but also having to be the "bad guy" in breaking up with them afterwards.

I know this sounds a little shallow, but make sure you're not setting your standards too high, whether unconsciously or not. Don't accidentally overlook a real possibility just because she's a little overweight or not as attractive as you'd like, even if some girls have overlooked you for your appearance in the past. Attraction always grows as you start to get to know and like someone better.

And if it makes you feel any better, I'm a pretty hot (so I'm told) girl who finds fat guys incredibly irresistibly sexy. I think overweight guys are god's gift to women, and there's gotta be more of us out there, just to give you some hope.

LostInTheCosmos:

Najos:
I dunno, man. You're not gonna find love easily and even if you do...well, nevermind. Just go to a damn comic con or ren fair and pick up on nerdy girls. Date around some and practice, basically. Think of it like that, actually. It doesn't even matter. Maybe you'll actually meet someone you like.

I don't think practice really builds confidence, especially if you're suggesting you go for the "bottom of the barrel." The best way to shoot your confidence is not only having a string of desperate dates, but also having to be the "bad guy" in breaking up with them afterwards.

Meh, it worked for me. I'm not really saying the "bottom of the barrel" either. I'm saying girls that he can actually relate to right off the bat. Talking to girls will already be hard enough. I'm just saying shoot for nerdy chicks. They can be hot nerdy chicks or intellectually stimulating or whatever gets you off. The best place to meet said nerdy chicks would be ren fairs, comic cons, games workshop, whatever!

For some reason I must operate differently. Nothing has ever made me more confident than breaking up with different girls. Maybe it isn't confidence and it is just apathy masked as confidence. I dunno, though. The main thing is to find girls attracted to who you are, yes...but you can still date around for a while without being serious about it. The WORST thing that could happen is him getting too serious and then being dumped, I think.